Dear Mom,
There is an exhaustion stretching far past the boundaries of sanity.
Anyone who has pulled an all nighter or two know this, even if in the lightest forms.
An unending thrum around your eyes and the back of your head, a sense of enforced tranquility, and the carelessness.
The call to do nothing less than put your head on the nearest surface, and slumber.
Knowing there is to much to do, pushing through the limitations, treading slowly against the ties of sanity.
As time does battle with the mind, a point comes where you are completely disassociated to your body. Sleep, hunger, pain, the knowledge of where your limbs are... replaced with a numbness of existence.
Strangely though comfort is not found any more in the things that would regularly cause someone to wish to sleep, but now in things that would keep you awake.
Cold medal, loud noise, bright lights, the smell of radishes.
For some reason your mind believes that if you had forced yourself awake this long, surely some horrible death will await and you will never awaken.
It is now the responsibility of the conscious, exhaustion addled mind to realize it can go to sleep now. Like when the lion or the snake is gone. When there is ensure food or water. Primal imperatives of the like.
But it is not the prerogative of the restless soul, with objectives in mind to realize that this is the point of no return.
The exhaustion devours the mind and soul, feasting on the sanity and body of the victim.
Eventually something has to give when there is no sanity or energy left to pervert. In some cases it is life itself. In others unconsciousness claims the victim.
A sleepless state. A dreamless state. A nightmareless state.
A visionless state.
And in those hours drawing to collapse where I have no sanity left, perhaps it is the only time I am truly sane.
When I look around, and see the world like I used to. Before the accident. Where there is no energy left to speak to others, or lie to myself.
It's hard to say I'd rather stay awake while I am asleep.
Take me away from here!
I miss you.
Do you forgive me?
Love, Luna.
There is an exhaustion stretching far past the boundaries of sanity.
Anyone who has pulled an all nighter or two know this, even if in the lightest forms.
An unending thrum around your eyes and the back of your head, a sense of enforced tranquility, and the carelessness.
The call to do nothing less than put your head on the nearest surface, and slumber.
Knowing there is to much to do, pushing through the limitations, treading slowly against the ties of sanity.
As time does battle with the mind, a point comes where you are completely disassociated to your body. Sleep, hunger, pain, the knowledge of where your limbs are... replaced with a numbness of existence.
Strangely though comfort is not found any more in the things that would regularly cause someone to wish to sleep, but now in things that would keep you awake.
Cold medal, loud noise, bright lights, the smell of radishes.
For some reason your mind believes that if you had forced yourself awake this long, surely some horrible death will await and you will never awaken.
It is now the responsibility of the conscious, exhaustion addled mind to realize it can go to sleep now. Like when the lion or the snake is gone. When there is ensure food or water. Primal imperatives of the like.
But it is not the prerogative of the restless soul, with objectives in mind to realize that this is the point of no return.
The exhaustion devours the mind and soul, feasting on the sanity and body of the victim.
Eventually something has to give when there is no sanity or energy left to pervert. In some cases it is life itself. In others unconsciousness claims the victim.
A sleepless state. A dreamless state. A nightmareless state.
A visionless state.
And in those hours drawing to collapse where I have no sanity left, perhaps it is the only time I am truly sane.
When I look around, and see the world like I used to. Before the accident. Where there is no energy left to speak to others, or lie to myself.
It's hard to say I'd rather stay awake while I am asleep.
Take me away from here!
I miss you.
Do you forgive me?
Love, Luna.
