Naruto Squirrelly Reads "Sage" by Digitize27
- Thread starter Master of Squirrel-Fu
- Start date
So we open with this little gem:
Ignoring the Avatar thing this implies that there are going to be more "Books", possibly four. Dear god what have I gotten myself into...
So after that we get the generic quote from some famous dead guy to try and make this fic seem more intelligent than it actually is. A very cliche one at that. "The journey of a thousand steps"? really you couldn't think of something better? You could have at least done something totally unrelated and it would have at least made me curious if it realted to the story.
So now onto the story.
So everything was fine and dandy for naruto until the fire nation attacked generic asshole civilians acted like generic asshole civilians.
Jerkface: Herpaderp! Get outs mah store!
Naruto: But I need shape and pointy things to kill people with!
Jerkface: ASDWEWAEFASE! YAr nevah gonna be a ninja!
Naruto: Ninja what are you- Oh right Ninja! Hokage! Other things that Naruto shouts!
So then Naruto gets kicked out and walks around town while various asshats act like you'd expect.
Lady: Blahblahblah demon
Other lady: Blah blah blah think of the children!
Bitch: Blahblahblah burn the witch!
So then naruto sneaks into the hokages office to steal his shit before finding a safe. And somehow the little shitstain is able to crack the fucking safe. There is not explination for this, apearently naruto has always been capable of safe cracking. And inside he finds... A scroll! gasp!
Oh, and apprarently there are Anbu inside the room, letting him tear through the office, break into secure vaults, and steal secret scrolls.
Now because reading is for nerds Naruto dumps that shit and steals the next thing... A three pronged Kunai!
Despite being exactly what he's looking for the dumbass tosses that shit back in it's box and went to give the desk a lapdance. Somehow this opens up yet anther poorly build safe to reveal even more referances to stuff we already know about.
So after being a dick and trashing his grandads place of business Naruto decides to leave having acomplished zilch. making this this scene... Completely pointless!
Naruto: Oh golly gee, it sure does suck how everyone hates me for absolutely no reason! Now Im gonna wander these seedy dark streets completelly alone!
Surprisingly enough the boy is neither attacked by drunk civilians nor abducted by ninja pedophiles, instead he's going to go try and steal ninja stuff from the Uchiha clan. Rahter than say fromt he store that doesn't have an army of ninja who can literally kill him with fire.
So naruto wadners around utnil he he finds some generic idiot sentires.
Guard A: Blahblahblah suspicious dialogue!
Guard B: Blahblahblah Hey look a little kid!
Guard A: Lets stab him!
So the guard stabs naruto, but proving himself incompetent he just hits his arm and Naruto despite being stabbed evades the highly train ninja. Then, still while bleeding, is able to out run said ninja. And along the way he meets more refferences!
So, somehow, despite bleeding from a stab wound Naruto manages to lose the two guard ninjas by running into a ramen stand. Don't bother guessing the name. So blahblahblah sarcasm blahblahblah herpaderp naruto doesn't get it blahblablahblahbblahbalhablahblahbl-
And then suddenly ninja!
Teuchi gets ganked from behind by suddenly less incompetent guard ninja A. Why he didn't just kill Naruto is not explained.
Guard B: Dude... The fuck?
Guard A: No witnesses!
Guard B: But he didn't see anything!
Guard A: WE CAN'T LET ANYONE KNOW THAT WE, THE UCHIHA CLAN, BETRAYING KONOHA!
Ayame: *walks in* Who wants cooki- grk!
Guard A: No witnesses! Now to hynotize the little boy who's the only actual witness instead of kill him!
Naruto: WRRRRRYYYYYYYYYYY!?
Later Naruto wakes up in a giant crater. Despite it being in the middle of a ninja village there are strangely no ninja to either check up on that giant new crater that just formed in the middle of town nor to stop him for slowly walking to the edge of town and leaving out the front gate. He then spends a minute to cry melodramatically in the rain before leaving Konoha.
Laterz:
Monk: Dododo doing monk stuff~
Naruto: *dedz*
Monk: Oh my god a defensless child! Jackpot!
*Gropegrope*
Monk: Oh my god he's got the Rinnegan!
Ignoring the Avatar thing this implies that there are going to be more "Books", possibly four. Dear god what have I gotten myself into...
So after that we get the generic quote from some famous dead guy to try and make this fic seem more intelligent than it actually is. A very cliche one at that. "The journey of a thousand steps"? really you couldn't think of something better? You could have at least done something totally unrelated and it would have at least made me curious if it realted to the story.
So now onto the story.
So everything was fine and dandy for naruto until the fire nation attacked generic asshole civilians acted like generic asshole civilians.
Jerkface: Herpaderp! Get outs mah store!
Naruto: But I need shape and pointy things to kill people with!
Jerkface: ASDWEWAEFASE! YAr nevah gonna be a ninja!
Naruto: Ninja what are you- Oh right Ninja! Hokage! Other things that Naruto shouts!
So then Naruto gets kicked out and walks around town while various asshats act like you'd expect.
Lady: Blahblahblah demon
Other lady: Blah blah blah think of the children!
Bitch: Blahblahblah burn the witch!
So then naruto sneaks into the hokages office to steal his shit before finding a safe. And somehow the little shitstain is able to crack the fucking safe. There is not explination for this, apearently naruto has always been capable of safe cracking. And inside he finds... A scroll! gasp!
Oh, and apprarently there are Anbu inside the room, letting him tear through the office, break into secure vaults, and steal secret scrolls.
Now because reading is for nerds Naruto dumps that shit and steals the next thing... A three pronged Kunai!
Despite being exactly what he's looking for the dumbass tosses that shit back in it's box and went to give the desk a lapdance. Somehow this opens up yet anther poorly build safe to reveal even more referances to stuff we already know about.
So after being a dick and trashing his grandads place of business Naruto decides to leave having acomplished zilch. making this this scene... Completely pointless!
Naruto: Oh golly gee, it sure does suck how everyone hates me for absolutely no reason! Now Im gonna wander these seedy dark streets completelly alone!
Surprisingly enough the boy is neither attacked by drunk civilians nor abducted by ninja pedophiles, instead he's going to go try and steal ninja stuff from the Uchiha clan. Rahter than say fromt he store that doesn't have an army of ninja who can literally kill him with fire.
So naruto wadners around utnil he he finds some generic idiot sentires.
Guard A: Blahblahblah suspicious dialogue!
Guard B: Blahblahblah Hey look a little kid!
Guard A: Lets stab him!
So the guard stabs naruto, but proving himself incompetent he just hits his arm and Naruto despite being stabbed evades the highly train ninja. Then, still while bleeding, is able to out run said ninja. And along the way he meets more refferences!
So, somehow, despite bleeding from a stab wound Naruto manages to lose the two guard ninjas by running into a ramen stand. Don't bother guessing the name. So blahblahblah sarcasm blahblahblah herpaderp naruto doesn't get it blahblablahblahbblahbalhablahblahbl-
And then suddenly ninja!
Teuchi gets ganked from behind by suddenly less incompetent guard ninja A. Why he didn't just kill Naruto is not explained.
Guard B: Dude... The fuck?
Guard A: No witnesses!
Guard B: But he didn't see anything!
Guard A: WE CAN'T LET ANYONE KNOW THAT WE, THE UCHIHA CLAN, BETRAYING KONOHA!
Ayame: *walks in* Who wants cooki- grk!
Guard A: No witnesses! Now to hynotize the little boy who's the only actual witness instead of kill him!
Naruto: WRRRRRYYYYYYYYYYY!?
Later Naruto wakes up in a giant crater. Despite it being in the middle of a ninja village there are strangely no ninja to either check up on that giant new crater that just formed in the middle of town nor to stop him for slowly walking to the edge of town and leaving out the front gate. He then spends a minute to cry melodramatically in the rain before leaving Konoha.
Laterz:
Monk: Dododo doing monk stuff~
Naruto: *dedz*
Monk: Oh my god a defensless child! Jackpot!
*Gropegrope*
Monk: Oh my god he's got the Rinnegan!
