Teen Titans and the Pool of Death.


Well-Known Member
This has been sitting on my HDD for more than a year. I stumbled across it recently and decided to toss it up here for the hell of it.

I haven't touched this in a long time, it's just a crazy premise I thought up that I thought would be fun, and it is. I wouldn't mind writing more of this one day, but I'm currently trying to get some original fiction done and haven't been doing fanfic writing for a while.

Anyway, here's my little experiment. It came out well and I think it would be fun to continue one day, not sure it'll happen, not just because I haven't been doing fanfics, but also because there are other projects that are likely to get attention first, and the fact that I'd have to rewatch the Teen Titans cartoon. It's based on that and would follow the larger plot thread of the show mostly, even though I'd time jump a bit and skip some of the filler episodes.

Teen Titans and the Pool of Death.

Part 1

Wrong guy, right place.


I'm sitting in a room that I've only seen in comic books. Well, I think there might have actually been a show. I was never much of a fan of this one. I'm not really sure about that though, it's kind of weird, I really don't remember where I came from exactly. It's there, but fuzzy and distant, but that might be normal. It doesn't matter much, I do remember seeing a lot of this crap before though, and I seem to recall it was in the form of drawings and cartoons, maybe. My mind is kind of weird about stuff sometimes. At any rate, this place is kind of like being in a Disney park, but the idiots wearing costumes are actually for real. I'm not entirely sure that's any different from where I came from, but hey, remembering stuff is boring and sucks.

It's not all that surprising considering I'm pretty sure I'm a comic book character to begin with. I'm in the wrong place though, not sure how I know that, but I'm pretty sure. At any rate, I'm here, and it's weird, but that's normal. That doesn't make sense, but I usually don't. I'm not actually sure about what led to this. I think it involved tacos, guns, explosions, boobs, and some guy dressed as a giant bat. It's less strange than it sounds and twice as awesome.

So now here I am, sitting in Titan Tower, having a job interview.

I'm gonna miss that bat dude, he was so uptight. The perfect straight man. I know I was driving him up the wall, but he never let on. I think he kind of liked it.

It was a bit creepy actually. I'm not so sure it would have been healthy for me to hang around him too long.

Heh. That clown was funny, evil, but funny.

Aren't I supposed to be paying attention to something?


“I like boobs. That orange chick has nice boobs. They're not super huge right now, but I can tell she'll be stacked when she gets older.”

Why does that voice get quotation marks?

Yeah, what about the rest of us!?

Totally unfair!

;Hey! Semi-colons, I get semi-colons! See?;

;oscopy. Heh.


What? Damnit! Forgot to press the shift key.

Say, which of us is the original “voice” anyway?

I don't think any of us are Javir Colon.

I love that show!

No, wait! We hate reality television! Don't we?

If we do, then how do we know that?


We should kill everyone associated with reality television, past winners, producers, camera men, hosts. It'll be fun and it could provide us weeks of entertainment!

I don't think killing will work out well here. Maybe in that other place where we might have gotten sued for this.

Right, best to avoid it when there are several demi-gods running about who would take offense. Much more so than in that other place where we might have gotten sued.

Well, not really. The ones here are just more uptight about a lot of stuff. Why do we care again?

Heroic stuff, and all that. We're being good, making a difference, being a paragon of awesome and epic sexiness! We'd be most of those things anyway, but we're behaving for some reason. Don't question it! It's a fresh start, a chance to start over and not screw everything up!

You guys are no fun. Besides, we can take em.

There is a difference between “they can't kill us” and “we can take em”.

There is?

Afraid so. No killing...for now anyway. Maybe later.

I thought we decided we weren't going to be a villain.

Well, lets not burn our bridges just yet.

Yeah. We should use explosives! Burning isn't BOOM! enough.

Wait. Maybe I should pay attention now? They seem to be wanting conversation now instead of just telling me a bunch of boring stuff.

Yeah, it's easier to answer if we pay attention I guess.

I want some tacos! Is anybody else suddenly in the mood for tacos?

I think it's that bird kid's costume. The color scheme, red, green, yellow...Mmmm, tacos.

We need to find a decent Mexican place around here. We should go right now!

Shhhhhh!...and yes. Later though.



Five people were sitting on a half circle couch. On a bar stool in front of them was a sixth figure with a duffel bag sitting on the ground beside him. There were two swords resting on the side of the bag in scabbards. They were Japanese style Ninjato, straight blades that were shorter than katana but longer than kodachi.

There was a boy of about sixteen sitting in front of him. He had his arms crossed and a small frown on his face. “I suppose seeing as how you got here, we should say welcome. I'm not sure about you though.” His hair was dark and spiked and he had a small mask over his eyes that didn't really cover that much of his face. He was wearing a red shirt with green sleeves and a black cape with a yellow lining.

“C'mon man, give the guy a break. He just got here,” commented the shorter boy sitting next to him. He had fangs protruding a little over his upper lip and green skin and hair with a wide grin on his face that seemed very relaxed.

“Yes. I too believe we should go the easy on him. He is a new arrival and is probably nervous and unfamiliar with our customs.” A girl with orange skin and green eyes peered at him curiously and seemed a bit nervous. She was wearing a mini-skirt and a short top. Her long hair was a darker shade of orange and she seemed to be trying very hard to seem inviting and friendly.

Another girl with a hood pulled down over her face hiding her features in dark shadows was relaxing beside her. “Whatever.” She didn't seem interested and her bare legs were poking out of a cloak that hid most of her body.

The first boy to speak up frowned at them. “I realize that, but trust takes time to build. It's going to be a little while before I'm comfortable with this guy. He seems kind of suspicious.”

The oldest in the room was an older black teen with cybernetic body parts. Most of his body was metal, but half his face and part of his arms had skin on them. It was obvious he was not a robot, but also obvious that he was only partially human. “Hold up, Robin. Didn't Batman drop him off here? He should be okay, right?”

The boy wonder glanced at his fellow Teen Titan. “Sorry, Cyborg, but he told me to keep an eye on him.”

“Does that not mean that we should look after him? I have heard that expression before and...” The orange girl seemed a little confused.

“Sometimes, Starfire, but when Batman says it, it means watch your back. I'm not saying he can't be trusted, but we don't know him and we should be careful.” Robin looked over at her with a rather serious expression.

“Oh,” his explanation seemed to clear it up, but it was obvious she was still a little confused by the idioms of the English language.

“Guys, he's sitting right there, ya know?” grumbled the green skinned boy. He put one arm across his chest and motioned towards the newcomer with his open palm with a small scowl on his lips. One of his feet was on the couch and he was slouched in his seat on the end nearest to the stranger.

“Nothing to say?” The hooded girl had a very slight smirk on her face.

“I'm with him on this one. You guys should totally be careful. I'm completely untrustworthy.” The boy was around fifteen judging by his build. He was in good shape and wearing a pair of black and red tights. A red and black mask was hanging from his hand. He was handsome and seemed cheerful. He had slightly messy brown hair and brown eyes. There was nothing spectacular about his features and he looked completely serious. “I'm looking forward to stabbing all of you in the back.”

All of the Titans looked a bit surprised at hearing that. Starfire stood up in alarm with her eyes glowing green. “What? I shall not allow you to harm...”

Raven grabbed her arm and sat her back down gently. “He wasn't serious. Telling us that would be stupid.”

Starfire relaxed a bit but didn't seem totally convinced. “Villains are often not terribly bright, yes?”

Beast Boy looked a bit worried about what his teammate might do. “Hey. Remember that “sarcasm” thing we told you about?”

She smiled at him. “Ah, yes. The “sarcasm”. I remember now,” She made air quotes with her finger and seemed to cheer up.

Beast boy leaned in to the new boy. “Hey, tone it down a bit. You don't want to tick her off.” He looked a bit nervous for a moment. “Trust me on that one.”

“Or, he could be telling us his real intentions to throw us off and trick us into letting our guard down.” Robin didn't look like he trusted him one bit.

Beast Boy looked unconvinced of that and seemed surprised at Robin as the Titans collectively ignored the newcomer. “Are you serious? He seems fine to me. It seems like he talks a lot, but he doesn't seem like a bad guy. No way he'd come here and just tell us something like that.”

“He won't last long if he tries,” commented Raven.

The prospective Titan scratched the side of his head and yawned as he looked at Robin. “So you're the Bat guy's sidekick? I like him, but he was way too serious. I spent a year and some months with him after he picked me up training. I think he was considering giving me your old job, but I'm not into that kind of bromance. So he dumped me off here.” The red and black clad boy seemed very relaxed. “He didn't talk about you much, but I'm guessing that's less than a surprise. Not very personable. I know you were around a few times while I was there, but we always missed each other. Not a bad gig you had there, but not my style really. I don't really wear red, green, and yellow well, and I'm totally not getting how that tiny mask hides your identity.”

Robin frowned at him. “Former sidekick.” He turned his head away and crossed his arms. “It works doesn't it?”

The red and black clad boy chuckled. “Oddly. I'm not quite sure how. Is it magic or does it have some sort of electronic masking signal or something?”

Robin cringed a little. “It's just a mask. Look, you're on probation. Maybe you should worry more about yourself.”

“Is he always like this?” asked the unmasked boy as he jerked his thumb and put his hand up to the side of his mouth.

Beast Boy nodded and seemed pleased. “All the time.”

“He's the leader?” asked the red clad newcomer in a stage whisper.

“That's right,” replied Robin.

“He's fun to annoy,” was the next stage whisper reply.

“Oh, it seems this boy is not very good at whispering. I believe he does not realize that we are all able to hear him,” commented Starfire.

“He knows,” replied Raven. Her head was held a little lower than usual leaving her entire face obscured by the shadows of her hood.

Robin growled and narrowed his eyes as he crossed his arms. “You're rubbing me the wrong way.”

“Chill out. He's just jerking your chain a little. To be honest, I've always kind of wondered about that mask myself.” Cyborg had his arms spread along the back of the couch.

“Man, you've seriously been hanging around that Bat guy too long. He's completely destroyed your sense of humor.” the new recruit scratched his head and seemed a bit bewildered.

“My sense of humor is fine.” Robin had a completely straight face and narrowed his eyes.

“Hmmm. Not sure if serious,” commented the strange boy as he looked comically thoughtful.

“Um, he is attempting to amuse us, yes?” Starfire was confused again.

“I'm not so sure he's trying to amuse us as much as himself,” commented Raven in a rather monotone voice.

“I do not understand. If he is not attempting to amuse us, then why does it appear as if you are smiling?” The alien girl attempted to peer into the hood.

Raven turned her head away from her to keep her from getting a good look. “N-no I'm not.”

Beastboy burst into laughter and held his belly as he pointed at the new arrival. “Hey! I like this guy!” he managed to gasp after a moment.

“I doubt he's actually going to stab us in the back. Batman said he'd been training with him for about a year and a half, right?” commented Cyborg. He didn't look worried and didn't seem to be taking what was said very seriously. “You don't seriously think he'd dump him off on us if he thought he was dangerous do you?”

“I never met him before today, but Batman did mention him once or twice. He's never been much of a talker about anything that isn't immediately at hand so I don't really know anything about this guy. I've been busy with the Titans and he was never at the Batcave when I dropped by.” Robin glanced at him. “He said 'keep an eye on him'. That isn't a glowing endorsement coming from him. I doubt he'll turn on us to be honest, but I got the impression he's not exactly on the best terms with the Batman. I've heard even Superman hates him. They met once and it didn't end well as I understand it.”

“Yeah. Big Blue didn't appreciate my sense of humor much.” the odd teen nodded. “Not a bad guy, but you'd think he was trying to get a merit badge. I almost expected him to sell me a box of cookies. I totally would have bought about fifty boxes of Thin Mints from him.”

Cyborg frowned at him. “Did he just call Superman a Girl Scout?”

“It would seem so.” Raven looked a bit surprised at that. Not an upset kind of surprised either. Her head lowered a little more and she sucked in her lips a bit.

“Batman says he's not evil, but that he's not stable. When I said I don't think he'd stab us in the back, I didn't mean that we should trust him. He has potential, that's why he's here, but there's a good chance he could become more of a liability than a help. We need to watch him until we're sure he won't cause problems for us on missions.” Robin looked around at his teammates.

“I'm good at that,” agreed their newest resident.

“It bothers me slightly that he is not bothering to argue against that accusation,” commented Starfire with a rather blank look on her face.

“At any rate, he's on serious probation until we figure out if he can work with the team,” said the team leader as he narrowed his eyes. “I'm not so sure he realizes that.”

Cyborg arched his eyebrow as the newcomer seemed blissfully unaware of the conversation happening around him. “I'm not so sure he cares if he does.”

“Even more reason to keep our guard up,” agreed Robin.

The new arrival turned his head away and crossed his arms. “You're just jealous I'm better at annoying Batman than you are.”

Raven seemed bored with the events and stood up. “I'm going to meditate. Tell me if anything interesting happens.”

Starfire looked up at her. “This is uninteresting? I am finding it quite fascinating.”

“Eh.” she replied as she walked into the hall with her palms held up as she shrugged her shoulders. She left the other five people in the room and walked off. Once around the corner she sprayed spit into the palm of her hand as her eyes grew wide and held her belly as she did her best to keep her laughter from being heard in the other room. It worked pretty well as no one noticed. She didn't particularly like him, but it was epic watching him get under Robin's skin. She'd never seen anyone bug him like the new boy had in such a short amount of time.

Cyborg looked at his fellow Titans and tried to lighten the mood a bit. “What do we do though? We've already got a sarcastic member. He's redundant.”

“Yeah, but is she bat shit crazy?” the weird kid delivered the line straight and looked dead serious as he crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes at the pair. He stood up and clenched his fist while shaking it at the ceiling and spoke with passion. “I can bring a fresh and unpredictable edge to your team. I'll get into all sorts of crazy trouble, complicate things needlessly, make a bigger mess than you might want to cause, and ruin carefully made plains with my wildly unpredictable impulsive behaviors. On top of that, I'll probably be a liability on a regular basis and get injured on every single mission! It'll be great!”

“I suppose you're joking,” commented Robin. “You'll probably get along with these two all right,” he jerked his thumb at Beast Boy and Cyborg.

“Why is your Goth chick hiding in the hallway?” The new arrival put the back of his hand up to his mouth and whispered at them. “It's kind of creepy.”

Cyborg shrugged. “She likes to keep her distance. You get used to it.”

“Don't worry about it,” Robin crossed his arms and purposely looked away.

“Yes.” Starfire seemed pretty agreeable. “She is...shy, I suppose.” Once again she didn't seem entirely certain. Her face brightened up and she leaned forward with a sunny grin. “So, why do you not you tell us about yourself?”

“Yeah. Who are you?” Beast boy seemed pleased to meet him. “I know the B-man dropped you off and all, but we don't know anything about you at all. You just sort of showed up.”

Cyborg nodded. “Yeah. What sort of powers do you have anyway? What's your name?”

The newcomer cocked his head to the side. “Well, I guess you can call me Wade, or Deadpool. Either one works.” He smiled at them and seemed pleased to meet them.

“Dead-pool?” Starfire put her finger up to her lip and considered that. “Why are you named after the pool of death?”

“So, Wade then...wait, what? The pool of death?” Robin stopped halfway and looked at his orange skinned fellow Titan.

“Oh, so you do not have a pool of death on this planet?” She looked a bit flushed and gripped at her knees a little.

“Um, no,” said Robin. “Never mind.” He shook his head. “Deadpool is kind of a strange name. How did you get it?”

“I picked it because there's no one here who can sue me over it.” He shrugged at them.

“S-sue you?” Beast Boy didn't understand and looked about to realize that no one else could either.

“Yeah. Don't worry about it. Anyway, a deadpool is a sort of gambling game,” replied Wade.

“Oh! I enjoy games!” Starfire perked up. Her features fell a little. “Though, I am not certain that I like the sound of this game. Also, as I understand it, making many types of wagers is not legal on this world. However, not all of them are as such.”

Cyborg nodded. “A deadpool is where people place bets on who the next person to die is going to be and when it will happen.” He had a frown on his face. “That's a odd choice for a name.”

The alien girl looked a bit distressed. “Oh! I was right! I do not like this game!” she closed her eyes and shook her head from side to side.

Wade nodded. “Yeah. It makes sense when you realize that I can't die.”

“Y-you can't die?” Robin looked a bit perplexed. “So, you're immortal or something? You think you're invincible?”

Deadpool shook his head. “Nah. I just can't die. I wouldn't say I've tried, but whenever anyone has tried to kill me it's not worked out for em.” He seemed to think about it. “Oh, and I'm also immune from mind control or mind reading powers. Those two don't come up all that much though.”

Cyborg arched his eyebrow. “I guess that's pretty cool. Want to tell us how it happened?”

Deadpool cocked his head. He didn't really know.

The first thing he remembered was waking up in Gotham City when he was an eight year old boy. It was just him, the voices in his head, and Gotham City. Unfortunately, Gotham City was a lot bigger and meaner than he was. It also liked to give little kids with no parents the atomic wedgie. Somehow he knew he wasn't from that place and that it was some sort of comic book world or something. At least, he thought so. He was crazy after all and couldn't be sure, but it sounded right and he knew a fair bit more than he should as an eight year old. He was pretty sure he was older than he was physically, but had no idea just how old, or what happened to get him into that position in the first place.

The next few years had been hard, but he managed. We'll get into backstory later. I can't wait to tell you about how I irritated Batman, and when I met the Joker, and that Cat chick with the totally skin tight leather with epic bewbs and dat ass, and about how she could lick her own...


There'll be flashbacks and stuff later. Let's move on with this intro chapter where I meet my new best buds and lifetime partners. Starfire is hot, but I'm not into alien chicks that much. Nice rack though, probably only get better. I doubt we'd get along. I'd say something sarcastic, and she'd blow off my penis with a mega beam of green shit before she realized I was joking. I'd be fine of course, but it's still better to avoid upsetting little Jimmy. Not ruling it out completely mind you, but I kind of doubt things will work out.

Then there's Raven. Goth, demonic spawn, kinda hot I guess. Likes quiet though, would drive me nuts, personality clash. Nice ass, but keeps it covered by a cloak most of the time. Wears a leotard that shows off her assets underneath it though, which is kinda nice. Not certain of bathing habits. Has a bit of a temper and magic powers. Will probably not mind “killing” me once she realizes I won't be permanently damaged. Got a little bit of a thing for the green kid as I recall. Plus her powers make me kind of nervous. I'm not so sure I wouldn't end up like a Japanese school girl in the wrong kind of Anime. Not dealing with that shit.

Honestly, I'll probably hit on both of them anyway, just not all that hard. A little innuendo and banter is healthy after all, and I might get lucky. Doubt it, but no harm in trying.

Other three are dudes. Not into that. I'm not even sure how Cyborg would anyway even if I was. Hmmm. I wonder if he still has his junk in there? Is there like a flip top lid? Maybe he has an artificial vibrating thing...whoa. Going into the wrong kind of anime there again cowboy. Slow it down.

What were we talking about again?

Origin story...I think.

Man, I could go for some tacos right now.

Hey! We should make pancakes!

Focus. Keep it together, Wade. If we ramble too long we'll lose the readers.

Right. Well have to figure out how to hold them down and force their eyes open.

Agreed, but for now, we should continue.

Right, I think we covered enough origin crap for now. Let's move on.


Of course, he didn't tell the Titans any of that. It was too much talking and he was feeling a bit lazy. He didn't want to deal with explaining different dimensions and comics from different worlds. He wasn't entirely sure about it anyway, it just sort of sounded right to him. “I got bitten by an irradiated spider.”

“That's...strange,” said Beast Boy.

“Are you kidding me?” muttered Cyborg.

“Kinda. I'm not sure really. Just always worked that way for me.” Deadpool realized that explanation was a bit much and that he didn't actually have to give them any information. Simply claiming he had no idea would be enough given it was superpowers and a lot of other people were just born that way or didn't seem to know how they ended up that way. “Maybe I'm a mutant or something? Who cares? It's awesome and I'm awesome.” He poked himself in his chest with the tip of his thumb.

Robin gave a small sigh. “I suppose that's something. You're from Gotham?”

Wade shrugged. “Yeah.”

Beast Boy hung his head a little. “What about family?”

“Nope,” was the simple reply.

“Sorry to hear that,” grumbled the green skinned boy.

“Eh,” Deadpool shrugged.

Robin seemed to grow quiet for a moment. He hung his head. “I see. I know what it's like to lose your family.”

The new boy looked a bit surprised. “I didn't lose them. I'm not even sure if I have parents.”

Cyborg gave a snort and crossed his arms. “Oh, come on! Everybody has parents!”

Wade just shrugged. “I guess so. I haven't got a clue. I don't remember being born, and there's never been any parents that I know of.”

Starfire seemed a bit pensive. “I am confused. I though parents were required for existence on this planet. Most worlds have a system like that, though the particulars often vary. You do not have parents? Were you not born? Who raised you?”

Deadpool thought about it. “I guess so, and I raised me.”

“You, raised you?” Robin arched his eyebrow.

The red clad boy sat back. “I've never had a guardian or anyone to look out for me. I just got by on my own. I guess it was hard and all, but nothing can kill me. Not that Gotham didn't try.”

Robin narrowed his eyes at him. “Is that so? You were never in an orphanage or anything?”

“Nope.” Deadpool twisted his finger in his ear. “I don't need to eat regularly to survive, I can go without water for a real long time too. I don't like to, it really sucks. Anyway, Child Services could never catch me, and I was willing to use my powers to my advantage to stay away from them. I've never had a family, and never wanted one.”

Starfire seemed to sulk a little at that. “I am sorry. That sounds terrible.”

Wade chuckled. “Nah. I can't miss what I've never had.”

Beast Boy looked a bit confused and seemed to be thinking about unpleasant things from his own past due to his appearance. “You were never jealous of the other kids who had families or anything?”

“Man, you guys are big on this whole 'family' thing.” Wade seemed very relaxed. Everyone looked a little sullen. “Well, I guess we've all got family issues of some sort or another. I deal with mine just fine. It's never really bothered me or concerned me. I'm smart enough that I got by just fine. I can read, write, type, my math skills are horrible, but I know enough to not get ripped off. I've never needed anyone else, and I still don't. I don't mind making friends I guess, and we'll see how this goes.” He chuckled and sat back down putting his knee up and slapping it. “You say I'm on probation and you're right, but I'm not on probation with you. The Bat-guy said he'd come for me if I screwed this up. He's...well, not scary. Let's just say he's very serious and firm. I'm taking the path of least resistance by playing along.”

“I see.” Robin frowned at him. “You said you didn't want a family. You should realize that is what you're looking at right now. All of us are family here. I'm not so sure if this is the place for you if you can't accept that.”

Deadpool shrugged and put his arms behind his head. “I can dig it. I'm not used to the whole being a part of a team thing. Not sure if it's for me or not.” He leaned forward and gave them a cocky looking grin. “I'll try anything once. It's not like it can hurt me.” He stood up and stretched his arms. “Anyway, I said I never cared that I didn't have a family. That doesn't mean I'd mind if I happened to end up in one. Though, in my case the weirder the better, probably.”

Beast Boy grinned at him and scratched the back of his head. “I think we'll get along all right.”

“Probation with Batman? What do yo mean by that?” Cyborg looked a bit suspicious.

“He trashed the Batcave and wrecked a bunch of expensive equipment,” Robin scowled at his teammates. “Apparently he doesn't mind messing with dangerous things because he knows if something goes wrong he won't get killed.”

Deadpool smirked. “You were playing dumb? Not surprised.”

“I had to help clean up the mess. He was playing with an explosive Batarang. It blew up and tossed him into the engine of the Batmobile. He tried to pull himself out of the turbines with a live cable from one of the power generators and ended up starting the turbine on the back of the car and sent it up one of the service ramps and into the Batplane. The plane fell from the crane and landed on the Batboat, and the resulting splash soaked the Batcomputer and fried half the circuits.” He looked around at the shocked expressions the other Titans were giving him. “I told you, he told me to keep an eye on him and he meant it. He's not to be trusted, especially around anything dangerous.”

“It was shiny, but black at the same time,” said Deadpool as he gave a nod.

“What is he doing here? This place is full of dangerous things!” cried Cyborg in alarm as he jumped to his feet and pointed at the strange boy.

“I'm supposed to be working off the cost of all that batjunk by hanging around here for a while,” Deadpool looked at him and smiled in a pleasant but also somehow disturbing way.

“He's a little unstable, but he learned fast. He's nowhere near as good as I am, but I was told he can handle himself in a fight. He's also supposedly pretty smart and knows how to use his condition to his advantage. According to Batman he managed to beat the Joker on his own.”

Cyborg seemed to clam a little. “All right. I guess that's something. Still...”

“I prefer “super powers” not “condition”.” Deadpool sounded a bit annoyed and crossed his arms with his nose pointed in the air. He thought was behaving himself pretty well.

“He's right.” Beast Boy frowned at Robin. “It sounds like we're sick or something if you put it that way.”

“All right. Sorry. You know that's not what I meant.” Robin didn't look particularly sorry.

“Just watch it,” said Deadpool and Beast Boy at the same time.

“Ah. So, he is like a child then?” Starfire seemed to get what Robin was trying to say.

The boy wonder nodded. “Sort of. He's supposed to be pretty rough around the edges, but Batman thinks he has a lot of potential. I really can't argue with that. I trust his judgment. He knows what he's talking about. He did train me after all.”

“A lot of good that does the rest of us! I don't even know the guy.” Cyborg did not look entirely convinced.

“I also do not know Batman, but I do know Robin, and I believe him.” Starfire was trying to be supportive.

Robin seemed to remember something and looked at his friends. “Oh. One more thing. Don't bring him up around Batgirl. I'm not sure what the issue is, but I asked her what she knew about him and she attacked me. Not seriously or anything, but she also wasn't messing around.”

Deadpool was spaced out and muttered to himself, “Oooh. Batpanties, nice.”

Raven appeared out of a dark swirl of energy from the floor behind the couch. “I'm getting a strange vibe from him. I'm not so sure how he's behaving is an act. He's been exposed to magic, powerful magic, but I don't think his powers are magical in nature. I have limited empathic abilities and what I get from him is just plain weird. It's a jumble, like too many frequencies at once. He says he's immune from mind reading and mind control, but I don't think it's because of any mental discipline or psychic barrier. It's a little disturbing actually. Mind reading and mind control require a certain amount of order to work. Even the craziest of criminals have something of a structure to their minds. With him, I sense nothing but chaos.” She looked at Robin. “I don't think he's evil, but he'll probably be very unpredictable. You're right that we should be cautious.”

“Um, what does that mean, in English?” Beast Boy looked confused.

Cyborg and Starfire were also hoping for a clarification.

Raven gave a sigh. Robin spoke up. “He's probably a little insane. Not homicidal or anything, but crazy.”

“I'm crazy like a fox though. Well, I'm several kinds of crazy actually. We'll be fine. I don't need watching, though if the ladies want to stalk me and install hidden cameras in the bathroom and my room I'm cool with that.” Deadpool gave a heavy sigh and clenched his hands together as he pushed them against his cheek and sighed wistfully. “Just let me know where you put them and I'll make sure there's a clear view and do some sexy time poses while pretending I don't notice them.”

“That's disgusting,” said Raven without changing her expression.

Robin scowled at the new boy. “You're not helping.”

“This is not a mental hospital!” snapped Cyborg. “Things are bad enough as it is. I am not babysitting this kid.”

“Huh? Wait, we have to do babysitting jobs? Do we have to dig up potatoes and catch lost pets too? Is this a ninja academy? One day I'm gonna be Hokage! Believe it!” Wade looked a bit excited.

“Oh, boy,” said Raven softly.

“You're seriously not very expressive,” the red clad boy leaned towards her and narrowed his eyes. “It's kind of throwing me off a little.”

“If he's staying here, he's your problem,” said Cyborg as he crossed his arms and turned his head away from Robin.

The brunette kid seemed to sober up suddenly and sat back with his arms crossed. “Fine. I don't need you looking after me. I might be a little crazy, but I guess I've got no problem being useful and playing nice. I'm stuck here for now, and I'll make the best of it.”

“I guess that will just have to do,” replied Robin. “We'll be watching you. I don't know that much about you, but what I do know suggests that you're irresponsible and reckless, and that could get he rest of us hurt or killed.”

Deadpool shook his head. “Nah. I'll just get myself hurt and killed a bunch of times. You guys don't have to worry about it.”

“I don't trust him either, he better keep his hands off of my stuff.” Cyborg didn't look very welcoming.

Raven frowned. “I don't think there's anything to worry about. At least, nothing that's really dangerous to the rest of us.”

“We'll get along all right. It'll just take a little time,” said Beast boy.

“Yes, I believe we can become great friends!” agreed Starfire.

Robin nodded. “Well, I've not heard any real objections to this.”

“I object. I've got a lot of delicate shiny expensive and explosive stuff and I don't want it getting messed up.” Cyborg was a bit worried about his equipment after hearing about the Batcave. “In fact, I am a shiny expensive thing that makes explosions.”

“Totes jelly about that,” commented Deadpool earning him a glare.

Raven gave a sigh. “Well, only one objection. I'm fine with this...for now.” She narrowed her eyes at him.

“We cool,” chimed in Beat Boy.

“I suppose that settles it then. Sorry, Cyborg, but you're outvoted.” Robin looked at Deadpool and gave a nod. “Welcome to the Titans, Wade.”

“Maybe I can't kill you, but if you break any of my stuff, I'll make you wish you were dead.” Cyborg was closed off, but there wasn't too much heat to his tone about it.

“Hooray!” said the cheerful alien girl. “Welcome new friend!”

Wade didn't look all that worried. “I guess it won't hurt me to hang out for a while. Might be fun.”

“I'm not so sure I buy your story about not knowing your parents or where you came from,” Robin seemed to give up. “I'd like to know more about you, and how you ended up with your powers. I guess we've just met and I understand if you don't want to say. You'll tell us when you're ready if things work out. From what I've heard you're not a bad guy, just careless. I'm hoping we can improve on that.”

“You're right. I was in a rocket ship and exposed to cosmic rays,” said Wade. “That's the honest truth.”

“All of us are irresponsible at times,” said Starfire with a small nod at the newcomer. “This meeting did not go as well as I expected, but I do hope you will feel welcome.”

“I suspect he knows more of his origins than he is telling us as well,” Raven didn't look particularly interested in hearing more. She had secrets of her own. All of them did in fact. “It's no big deal, there is a lot we don't know about each other. It's not important anyway.”

“I was exposed to a gamma bomb during an experimental detonation,” continued Deadpool.

“Raven is right.” Cyborg frowned at the newcomer. Wade was pretty much ignoring them. “If he doesn't want to talk about it we shouldn't push him. We've all got secrets.”

“All right, coming clean for real this time. I nearly died in an explosion and ended up with a piece of shrapnel lodged in my chest near my heart. Vietnamese communists tried to make me build a weapon for them, but I constructed a suit of power armor that kept me alive and escaped. The man who aided me was tragically killed and I swore to use my inventions for good from that day forward!”

Raven was getting a little annoyed. “Does he ever shut up?”

“No,” replied Robin as he hung his head. “According to what I've heard he never does. That's the real reason Batman dumped him off on us. Those vehicles get damaged all the time and he has hundreds of those explosive Batarangs. He's real big on being stealthy and this guy...” He pointed his thumb over his shoulder back at the still rambling newcomer.

“I see,” growled Raven.

“I've just been jerking your chain up until now. I was once an undercover agent and my family was killed by vicious mobsters. I was left for dead and survived. Once I recovered I began a one man war against crime and set out to punish those who wronged me and any who would harm the innocent.”

Robin nodded. “You know, the only open room is the one right next to yours.”

Raven stopped and looked over her shoulder. “I...see.” She was starting to regret not objecting with Cyborg.

“Really coming clean for really real real this time! I contracted polio when I was a boy in the late 1930s, and survived to be sickly and weak. I joined the army and was put into a secret project that used a secret serum to turn me into the perfect soldier! I fought in the second world war and helped the allies, but became frozen in the arctic! I was thawed out in the modern world and stand for patriotic symbol in a time when America needs a hero!”

The Boy Wonder hung his head. “I'm sorry, but there's no other place to put him.”

Raven narrowed her eyes at him. “The basement?”

“All right, enough fooling. It's time I told the honest truth. I was splashed in the face by a radioactive substance that fell from an oncoming vehicle that was transporting illegal waste. The substance blinded me, but heightened my other senses!”

“You do realize what sorts of things we keep in our basement, right? Are you sure you want him down there after what I told you about what happened at the Batcave?” Robin hung his head even lower and relaxed his arms.

“Fine.” Her power darkened the air around her. She turned away from him. “I guess I'll have to sound proof the walls.”

“Yeah, I'm totally a screamer.” Deadpool put up his finger. “In fact, it's my mutant power. I was born with it and it manifested itself when I was a young teen.”

Cyborg grabbed him by the face and lifted him by his jaw pushing his cheeks together and forcing his lips to pucker. “Enough with the stupid origin stories. If you don't want to tell us about your past, that's fine. It's pretty normal around here anyway.”

“Ahr yshr? I stll hvn't tld yr d trf. I ws imprsnd in Cnda nd ws frcd ntah ar scrt sprmnt cld Wpn Eckss...” Deadpool replied.

“Nobody cares!” snapped Cyborg as he shook him by his face. “We get it, you don't want to tell us! It's fine!”

Wade didn't seem bothered. “Rky, if yr sy sr.” Cyborg dropped him and turned away leaving the younger boy rubbing at his face a little.

Robin nodded. “Cyborg is right. His origins are none of our concern.” He stood up and extended his hand. “I'm not sure what to make of you yet, but I'm hoping we'll get along.”

“Cool. I'm only a little crazy.” Wade took his hand and had a firm but friendly grip. “Well, not really. I'm just saying that to be reassuring.”

“I'll be watching you like a hawk,” he narrowed his eyes but kept a relaxed posture. “All right Titans, this meeting is over. Beast Boy, you can show him to his room.”

“Man, warm fuzzies all around here.” They let each others hands go. No one really trusted him, but he didn't care much. Joining the Teen Titans was not what he was hoping for, but it was a step up from where he'd been.

“Hey, I kinda liked it. You've got some great ideas for some comic books!” said Beast Boy with a grin.

Wade looked at him and narrowed his eyes a little. “We are a great idea for a comic book.”

Beast Boy seemed to think on that. “Huh. Hey. I guess you're right! Of course, I'd be the star.”

Deadpool shrugged. “Maybe of a limited series I guess. The star would probably be captain stick in the mud over there. This is totally a comic book...or maybe an animated show? Not sure. Maybe both.” He shook his head. “Anyway, I'd be written out for copyright reasons, but this is totally some kind of fiction.”

Beast boy looked confused. “Copyright infringement?” He seemed to realize something. “Hey! What do you mean I'm not the main character?”

“Dude, you seriously think you're not comic relief? Think about it for a minute.” Deadpool crossed his arms and looked down at him. “Seriously, you're totally comic relief. I'm the dashing unpredictable rogue with questionable morals. I've probably got my own limited series at least. The “Boy Wonder” over there is totally the hero, he's uptight, serious, and has a hard on for sticking it to evil doers. He gets obsessive and is driven to his goal of fighting evil. In superhero team comics that's always the lead.”

“Dude! You're totally right!” Beast Boy looked alarmed at that. He hung his head. “Man, comic relief? Really?”

“It's not so bad. The hero is usually sexually frustrated for much longer than the comic relief character and the dashing unpredictable rouge.” Deadpool patted him on the shoulder. “To be honest, the hero is usually the most boring one of all with the least amount of personality. It's Robin for sure. We're better off being supporting cast anyway.”

“You think this is some kind of fictional story? I guess things will turn out all right for you then? Get all the girls, save the day, be awesome all the time?” Beast Boy looked annoyed and crossed his arms as he kicked at the ground.

Wade cocked his head and looked thoughtful. “Of course I'll be awesome, but I'm pretty sure we'll have our problems.”

Beast boy looked a little surprised. “Huh? What do you mean? If it's a comic book, it'll probably turn out...”

“Horribly. I'm pretty sure you've read enough comics to know how melodramatic and awful things get for superheros after a while,” Deadpool put his arms behind his head and looked at the ceiling as he walked and talked. “You seem comic savvy enough to realize that a story that makes us the messiah mac daddies of the universe would suck. It's probably going to be pretty rough. I mean, it'll be fun and it's not possible for me to not be awesome, but we'll probably going to get our asses kicked a lot and be up to our necks in trouble. I'll get pushed around and rejected by women, annoy my allies quite a bit, and a lot of people will hate me for various good reasons. It will all pay off and be totally worth it in the end, but still. If we're always awesome and nothing ever goes wrong or sucks, the comic would get boring and we'd get canceled. Then we'd only show up in other character's books. The only thing worse than being in a superhero team book and sharing the spotlight while not being the main character, is only getting work being a b-list guest appearance in other characters comic books.”

“Dude, that's pretty deep.” Beast Boy cocked his head and looked thoughtful. “You seem to have figured this place out pretty well. I don't know about this being a comic book, but that sounds about how things usually are around here. In fact, it's not really as bad as you seem to think. You'll be fine.”

Deadpool nodded. “Thanks.”

Beast Boy waved his hand for him to follow. “Grab your stuff and I'll show you to your room.” He looked over his shoulder. “You like video games?”

Wade blinked. “Who doesn't?” He glanced towards where Robin had gone. “Aside from captain tight ass I mean.”

“You really shouldn't talk that way,” muttered the green skinned youth.

“Rude language is part of my character,” replied Deadpool. “Don't worry, if this is a comic and some kid is reading it the bad words just show up as hashtags, asterix, dollar signs, “at” symbols, “and” symbols, and slants, or maybe the editors just change them into made up words like “Frak”, “Drokk”, and “Shret”. Of course they might just go with safe but real words like “crud” or “snot” or something. Not sure which, but we'll be fine either way. I'll keep it pretty tame around here and just be a bit annoying about it because we're teammates and friends. When we're fighting villains I'll really cut loose. It makes them angry and they get sloppy. That makes it easier to defeat them.”

“Yeah, I'm guessing you've never seen Cinderblock,” grumbled Beast Boy.

Deadpool tilted his head back and put his finger on the bottom of his chin. “Yeah. Dude made of concrete or something right? Kind of squarish? Likes crochet, kittens, larceny, cherry soda, Pop Rocks, Cheetos, flattening teenage superheros, breaking stuff, bubble gum, Hot Pockets, and wishes he had a hairy man chest? Sure, I know that guy. We've got similar interests, but don't get along that well. It's a shame really. I'd love to share some crochet patterns with him and his homemade kitten jelly is divine on crackers with the right cheese. I've found a smoked gouda is best. Our personalities just clash too much.” He gave a heavy wistful sounding sigh. “I guess it just isn't meant to be.”

“You're really weird, Dude,” grumbled Beast Boy.

“Thanks,” replied Deadpool.

“Wasn't really a compliment,” grumbled the young escort.

“I know, but thanks anyway.” Wade perked up as he seemed to think about something. “Maybe this is a video game and you've just started an escort mission? I'll tell you what, you stop every three feet and wave at me to catch up and I'll walk up next to you. Otherwise I'm just gonna stand here and get beaten up by mobs. If I die, you've got to sit through that meeting again because it was probably a cutscene.”

Beast Boy scowled at him. “Dude, seriously. Don't even joke about that.”


Deadpool looked around his room. He'd been left alone to acclimate himself a bit. It was sparse and basic. Like a hotel room. There was a bed, a dresser with a mirror, and a lamp in the corner. He looked around and put his hands on his hips. “It'll do.” He tossed his duffel bag at the foot of the bed and hopped onto it on his back with his hands behind his head and his feet crossed. “This should be interesting.”

Meeting Batman had been pretty cool and Superman was kind of a dick, well, the problem was actually on his end of that one, but he'd rather blame the hero for his own failings. He had no idea what he'd gotten into, but didn't figure it would be too bad.


It was morning at Titan's Tower. Deadpool was standing in the kitchen wiping his brow and looked on at the work he had compulsively done just before everyone else woke up. The Teen Titans were looking at him with rather slacked jaws.

“Man, this place is a total dump,” commented the boy in red and black tights with a chef's hat and apron on over his costume. He was wearing his mask and looked about. “Oh, hey guys. I made pancakes!”

“No kidding,” muttered Raven as her eyebrow twitched.

Behind the boy in the kitchen was something in the area of ten thousand pancakes stacked on various plates.

“Whoa! No way!” said Beast Boy in awe. “Got any soy pancakes in there?”

Deadpool narrowed his eyes. “That's just sick.”

“Aw, man,” muttered the green boy as he hung his head. “I don't eat meat. I can't eat eggs or milk.”

The boy in the red and black mask just stared silently for a moment. “Too bad, more for the rest of us.”

“Seriously, there's a whole gallon of soy milk and blocks of tofu in there and you didn't make any?” grumbled the green boy with a scowl on his face.

Deadpool leaned in and poked him in the chest with the spatula. “No, because that's disgusting. Besides, there's no such thing as soy milk.”

“Thank you,” said Cyborg with a grin on his face. His cheer faded a bit after a moment. “Though, I'm not sure why you made so many.”

“Because he's crazy,” grumbled Robin. “I guess we should start eating. These things don't keep for very long.”

Raven looked annoyed. “Seriously. Are you trying to make us all fat?”

Starfire looked amazed. “Wow! I have never seen so many! Is this an Earth feast day to celebrate pancakes?”

Deadpool's head snapped around to look at her. “That's...genius!”

Robin sighed and crossed his arms. “No. He's just weird. It's probably an OCD thing or something.”

“Yeah, kinda,” replied Wade with a nod. “We've got plenty of syrup. Who knows, between the six of us we might actually make a dent in this. Usually they go bad and I end up using them as clay pigeons when they get stale enough.”

“Hey! Whadda ya mean there's no such thing as 'Soy Milk”? Here's a gallon of it right here!” The feral looking boy shook the carton at Deadpool.

“Look, unless that came from Poison Ivy's epic tits, that's not milk. It's just cloudy bean juice.” The red clad boy poked his finger into Beast Boy's nose. A moment later a green dog was snapping at his index. “What's wrong with milk anyway?”

“I don't eat meat. I've been most of those animals before!” grumbled the green boy as he pouted with his arms crossed.

“Milk isn't meat. It's...” started the red masked boy.

“Lactose intolerant,” Beast Boy jerked his thumb at himself.

“Enough. We respect Beast Boy's beliefs. He doesn't like eating meat,” Robin gave a sigh as he started pouring syrup on a large stack.

“Right,” agreed Cyborg as he ate a whole pancake. “Even though the rest of us are fine with meat.”

“Do you know what it feels like to get eaten?” snapped the green skinned boy at his friends.

“Yeah, kinda. It sucks, but I got over it,” replied Deadpool with a shrug.

Beast Boy gave a small start. “Huh? Wait. You're telling me you've been eaten before?”

The boy in the red spandex nodded. “Yeah. Killer Croc bit my face off and ate it, got one of my hands too. The jerk. Then he tossed what was left of me to the gators he stole from the Gotham Zoo. Batman managed to fish most of my torso out before they ripped it up too bad. Had to grow back all my organs. Took me about three days to grow everything back. It was kind of a pain. Still not enough to get me to stop eating awesome things like bacon and hamburgers.”

“You're putting me on!” snapped Beast Boy as he leaned in to yell at him. “If that really happened you'd have a scar or something right? Show me!”

“Nah. Check it out.” Deadpool grabbed a nearby meat cleaver and hacked off his own hand at the wrist. “Yeouch! I immediately regret this decision! Painful! Gah! It stings like crazy!” He was holding it and ended up spraying the rather shocked and frozen Beast Boy with blood from the wound.

“Are you all right?!” cried Robin. He looked very alarmed. “You cut off your own hand?! What is wrong with you?!”

“Whoa,” muttered a rather wide eyed Raven.

“Oh no! This is awful!” screeched Starfire. “We must take him to the hospital immediately!”

Cyborg had a mouthful of pancake and had frozen in place.

Beast Boy shook his head in disbelief after he looked on as Deadpool picked up his severed hand and put it back on his wrist. A moment later he was moving it about and let go. He wiped it off with a nearby dish towel and showed him. “See, no scars.” He shook it off a bit. “It'll feel a little weird for about ten minutes, but it's fine. Takes a bit longer to grow a new one when that happens, better to just put it back on.” He looked about the room. “Seriously, if something cuts my head off, just put it back on my neck would you? It's a huge pain to grow a new head and I'm a bit funny for a few days when that happens.”

The green skinned boy's eyes rolled up into his head and he hit the floor on his back.

Deadpool loaded up a plate of pancakes and looked at the rest of the rather stunned Titans. “Hey, pass me the syrup would you?”


A short time later Cyborg and Beast Boy were face to face. There was a large confrontation about what had happened to the remote. Raven was nearby with her nose in a book.


End for now.

This isn't a full chapter, but the next segment would have the Titans and Wade dealing with the H.I.V.E. students if I ever get around to writing it. The last line is the start of the first scene of the first episode of the show.

Yes, that's really Wade, but his head is screwed up more than usual. The basic premise is that he had his memory wiped and was tossed into another Universe by Thanos in an attempt to keep him away from Death. He fixed his appearance partially out of a twisted sort of respect for his romantic rival, and partially to placate him if his memory started returning and provide some motivation to remain where he is and away from the universe and his version of Death. He's aware Wade's healing factor may make the mind wipe less permanent than he'd like, and there are the beginnings of that in this section, he deaged him to prolong the effects and keep Deadpool distracted.

Thanos's plan may have already failed as Deadpool may have already returned and be his old self again in the 616 universe. I'm toying with the idea that another Deadpool may have already reappeared, ironically regenerating from one of Wade's severed limbs from the battle that threw this version of him into another dimension due to Thanos's immortality curse. I haven't fully decided on that end, but it's likely going to be the case and this Wade would meet his 616 self at some point, or at least become aware of him. Possibly having some exposition time with Raven as a result of her trying to figure out where he came from and who he is. Probably due to Robin's concerns. Would make a nice wedge between the two as it's something she'd probably do, but not really like much, if he pressured her.

I think it would be interesting to see how Wade would deal with Slade and Terra, especially if he was doing his best to behave himself for the sake of having a fresh start. Would also definitely have him run into some other DC characters. I'd probably do that for time jumps, rather than just outright skip segments, actually write an extra episode where he goes solo and gets separated or takes a vacation from the team for a bit so I can get him into situations where he can annoy other DCU characters.

Another idea is that Thanos might explain it, telling the Teen Titan Wade that he doesn't belong in the old universe anymore.

It would probably end up being a bit of both actually, Raven's prodding motivating him to try and return, only to have him meet Thanos and be shown that he really never left and doesn't have a place there anymore. The immortality curse is still active with this version of Wade as well, Thanos didn't lift it because he still doesn't like him and doesn't want him to experience the peace of eventually dying in any universe. He wanted him satisfied enough with his new life to not return, but still wants him to suffer in the end.