Terrible Fic

[Lord Raa]

Not-So Constructive Criticism (Working Title)

By Lord Raa


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Disclaim-me-do: I am unsure if the Brits are the way they are because of roundabouts or roundabouts are a result of the Brits being the way they are.


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It was April the 12th, 2154 on the colony of Mindoir when the registrar visited the mother of the colony’s newest resident.

“Excuse me, Mrs. Shepard, but there’s something important we need to discuss,” Trevor Robertson said in a calm, polite voice.

There was a groan from the still exhausted woman.

“Mrs. Shepard, I realise that this may not be the best time,” Robertson said, wringing his hands apologetically. “But we need to enter the name of your son into the colony records.”

A tired looking man entered the hospital room.

“Hello, Hannah,” he greeted. After a moment, he realised that he wasn’t alone with his wife. “Wait, who are you? Why are you here?”

“My apologies, Mr. Shepard. My name is Trevor Robertson, I’m the colony registrar. I tried to contact you yesterday about the birth of your son.”

“Ah yeah, you’re the guy who deals with hatches, matches and dispatches,” the new father nodded as he sat down on the nearest chair. “Much better.”

“That’s one way of putting it,” Robertson said diplomatically. He deflated slightly when he saw that Mr. Shepard was struggling to remain awake. “Please, Mr. Shepard, I need to record your son’s name.”

The fatigued man’s head jerked up. “Name?”

“For your son.”

Shepard blinked repeatedly. He shook his head to clear the fog that was caused by three days of no sleep. It was then that he caught sight of something unexpected.

A young man was walking past the window wearing an old t-shirt with picture of a man in black and white armour.

“Stormtrooper?”

Robertson blinked. “Stormtrooper? Are you sure about that, Mr. Shepard.

Hannah Shepard perked up. “Mister Stormtrooper Shepard!” she blurted out happily before closing her eyes and getting some much needed sleep.

When Shepard started to snore in the chair, the registrar realised that he wasn’t going to get any clarification on the matter any time soon. “Stormtrooper Shepard it is then. If the child doesn’t like it, he can always change it when he comes of age.”



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29 years later...


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It had only been a few days since the Battle of the Citadel had ended. Casualty lists were still being collated, and the Alliance fleet had taken the brunt of those.

The decision to save the Council and the Destiny Ascension had been a difficult one. Allow them to die and humanity would have a say in the composition of the new Council, but the alien races would treat humans with suspicion and scorn. Sacrifice human lives to save the Council and you run the risk of being accused of selling out humanity.

But, for better or worse, Commander Shepard had taken the political big picture approach and saved the Council. And as a reward, humanity was granted a seat on the Council.

It was just unfortunate that the person chosen to represent humanity was the slimy Udina.

Shepard had wanted his mentor, Captain David Anderson, to take the role, but the Captain said that he wasn’t cut out for politics and declined the offer.

Donnel Udina might have been an untrustworthy individual in Shepard’s eyes, but he knew how to play the games of interstellar politics.

And that was what was going to be necessary to stop the Reapers.


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Commander Shepard was getting a small piece of shrapnel removed from his arm when Kaidan Alenko entered the med bay.

“Commander, there’s a message for you from Eden Prime.”

“Oh, what do they want?”

“You’re being invited as guest of honour at the party to celebrate the colony surviving and Saren being brought to justice,” the biotic answered. “And it’s not like we haven’t earned some shore leave.”

“True,” Dr. Chackwas nodded as she finished dressing the wound. “In fact, as your doctor, I’m prescribing you some R and R, Commander.”

Commander Shepard let out a sigh. “Well, I suppose that a little time off wouldn’t hurt us. Wait, are they inviting all of us or just me?”

“It... it’s just you, Commander.”

The Spectre shook his head. “I’m not going on my own. Tell them that the whole Normandy crew is coming. I couldn’t have done this alone.”

“Yes, sir,” Alenko saluted before replying to the invitation.


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Shepard took the celebration in his stride as the Normandy crew were hailed as heroes by the citizens of Eden Prime.

There was some concern about the way a Krogan was enjoying a large amount of the locally distilled liquor, but fortunately Wrex seemed more interested in telling stories than re-enacting famous battles from the Krogan Rebellions.

Liara T’Soni was looking rather overwhelmed by the whole situation. She was what some would call “bookish” and seemed uncomfortable with the large numbers of revellers intent of enjoying themselves.

Commander Shepard noticed this and approached the Asari. “Hey there, Liara, is everything OK?”

“Commander, I... I am,” the blue-skinned alien pause as Wrex bellowed a war cry as part of his story. “I am not used to partying with a Krogan.”

“Yeah,” the Spectre chuckled, “no-one parties like a Krogan. So, party animals aside, how do you like Eden Prime?”

“It’s a beautiful planet,” Liara answered. “Though there is one thing I’d like to see...”

“Oh, what’s that?”

“Well, it’s rather embarrassing,” the scientist said, her eyes drawn to her drink.

‘Well, she did seem a interested in you during the mission...’ Shepard recalled. ‘There aren’t many more beautiful than her...’ “You can tell me, Liara.”

“Well, could I see the Prothean ruins?”

“The Prothean ruins?”

“Yes, I would like to see if there are any other artefacts from where the beacon was uncovered,” Liara enthused, completely oblivious to the deflated expression on the Commander’s face.

“I guess so, but it’s not up to me.”


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A short while later, Garrus Vakarian found his friend at the bar. “Is something the matter, Shepard?”

“Stupid Protheans...” the human mumbled bitterly.

“Protheans? What did they do now,” Garrus asked, curious as to why Shepard was acting this way.

“Even now, they affect everything in the galaxy!”

“You’ll have to go start at the beginning, Shepard.”

“I thought Liara was interested in me, but she wants to look at the Prothean ruins,” Shepard sighed before drowning his sorrows further.

Garrus laughed. “Well, don’t forget that she has been studying the Protheans since before you were born. Hell, since before you Humans even learned that the Protheans even existed.”

“Yeah, yeah, Garrus, keep rubbing it in.”

“That said,” the Turian mused, “I think that she might like it if you were to escort her to the dig site...”

“She would?” Shepard asked, the logic of his friend’s words penetrating the fog of alcohol. “Yeah, we could turn it into a kind of date.”

Before Garrus could say anything else, Shepard had stood up and walked over to Liara to inform her of “his” suggestion. Liara smiled and kissed Shepard, making the former C-Sec officer smile.

Tali walked up to the Turian and asked him what he was so happy about.

“It’s... nothing, Tali. It doesn’t matter. So, how are you doing?”

“Not bad, though I’m kind of curious as to what these snacks taste like.”

“These?” Garrus asked as sniffed at the bowl of pretzels. “The smell is a little like an ocean breeze. But I can’t think why...”

“It’s because they put sea salt on these pretzels, Garrus,” Kaidan answered. “Would you like to try one?”

“I can’t eat human food, Alenko. Like Tali, I’m dextro-amino.”

“I forgot, I’m so sorry,” Kaidan apologised profusely.

“Don’t worry, Alenko, as long as at least one of us remembers,” Tali smirked from behind her mask.


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The following morning, Commander Shepard was making his way to the Prothean dig site with Liara.

“Come on Shepard, the sooner we get there, the longer we can work the site,” the Asari said, practically skipping along the path.

“It’s just over that hill, Liara,” Shepard replied, beginning to wonder what he was getting himself into. Then he caught a glimpse of Liara’s body in the tight-fitting jumpsuit she was wearing as she bounced off to the dig site. ‘OK, that makes it all worth it.’


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It hadn’t taken Liara T’Soni long to set up her workstation and start documenting the site. As the VI on her computer recorded and measured every contour and feature within 300 metres, she turned to Shepard.

“Commander...”

“Yes, Liara?”

“I... thank you for letting me come here. It’s a little different from my last dig.”

“Yeah, fewer erupting volcanoes and Geth,” Shepard smiled. “So, what do you expect to find here?”

“Anything I can,” the Asari answered. “Even with what we learned on Ilos, there’s still so much we don’t know about the Protheans. We know that they were the dominant space-faring culture, but how was their society organised? Did they have a caste system? Did they have religious beliefs, and if so, what were they like?”

“I see,” Shepard nodded in understanding. Before he could ask anything else, there was a beeping from Liara’s computer.

“Excuse me one moment,” the scientist said, rushing to look at the results of the scan. After a few moments of frantic keyboard work, Liara uttered the words, “This is incredible...”

“What is?”

“I... I think I’ve found some working Prothean technology...”

Shepard blinked in surprise. This wasn’t quite what he had expected when he’d suggesting going out to the dig site, but working Prothean technology would be worth a lot to the galactic community.

“Where do we start looking?”

“A kilometre in that direction,” the Asari answered, pointing off to the east.


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A few minutes later, Shepard was looking at the area Liara’s computer indicated the location of the Prothean technology. It was a mound of soil, rocks and plant roots.

“Do I just start digging or do you have a protocol for this kind of excavation?”

“I wasn’t expecting to find such a powerful signal, so I didn’t bring any of my tools. I fear that you’ll have to do this old fashioned way,” the scientist replied.

Shepard sighed. “This could take some time,” he said before removing his shirt.

‘Oh my,’ Liara thought as she saw the body Shepard had developed over the course of his life. There were scars from countless battles, the most recent one sustained during Sovereign’s attack on the Citadel, was still bandaged. She found her lips suddenly feeling rather dry as she saw the way his muscles flexed as he began his manual labour.

‘He is an interesting individual...’

The Asari was brought out of her daydream unbidden daydream about spending time with Shepard in a one of those hot springs she’d that humans enjoyed so much by the sound of something scraping against metal.

“What’s that, Shepard?”

“I don’t know...” the human replied before brushing further soil away from the artefact. “This may be bigger than we thought...”

Liara’s fingers darted across the controls of her omnitool and she gasped loudly. “This isn’t just a buried artefact, this is a Prothean facility! We need to perform a proper excavation.”

‘So much for that date...’ Shepard thought with a sigh. He turned to see the look of excitement on Liara’s face. ‘Though if I play my cards right, I could still be in with a chance...’


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Donnel Udina was looking thoughtful as he pondered the request that had come in from Liara T’Soni.

There was so much that they could learn from the Prothean technology, but Eden Prime didn’t have the necessary facilities to perform such an operation. Not only that, but the Alliance didn’t have the spare resources to provide that that infrastructure with the rebuilding operation for its fleets.

‘That said, the Asari have the most experience with Prothean tech...’ the human Councillor coughed to get the attention of the others. “I believe that it’s understood that we do have a responsibility to research this Prothean site on Eden Prime for the good of the Galactic Community, however, we can’t fund such a project on our own.

“Would the Asari be willing to assist in the excavation?”

The Turian Councillor frowned. “And why would you be asking for Asari help?”

“The Asari have the most experience when it comes to the Protheans, Sparatus,” Udina replied. “If Dr. T’Soni is right, then this is a Prothean facility and you all know what that could mean for everyone.”

“Udina is right about the Asari understanding of the Protheans being the most complete of all the races,” Valern conceded. “However, the withholding of Prothean technology is strictly forbidden. We need to prove to the other Citadel races that these laws would be upheld.”

“Then we should have a team that consists of our most respected experts on the Protheans from the Salarian Union, the Turian Hierarchy joining Dr. T’Soni’s team,” Sparatus countered. “Though the Hanar might be a problem.”

“We can deal with Hanar when the time comes,” Councillor Tevos replied. “I believe that we are all in agreement with this proposal.”


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Yeah, I reused the naming scene from another fic idea, but what are you going to do about it?

In case it's not entirely clear, yes, Javik will be coming into play sooner than canon.

And yes, there will be dialogue that explains why I sometimes refer to him as Sir Javick Trollington III.

Please let me know what you think this needs, be it cheap lulz when they discover Shepard's real first name, a minor time-skip to the resurrection of Javik or even just plain old deletion.

I'm an adult (at least in the eyes of the law), so I can take the truth.

 

[Fellgrave]

Definitely a scene with regards to Shepard's name. Without it, the first scene seems out of place with the rest of the chapter.

 

[GethN7]

Definitely a scene with regards to Shepard's name. Without it, the first scene seems out of place with the rest of the chapter.

Agreed. The story isn't too terrible at all, but the first scene totally needs to meld into the rest of the plot better.