TFF: Assault on Yaoi!

[Marisa]

Night One, TFFA City, Central Plaza, 10:48 PM

By now, Marisa was already used to blowing away Yaoibots, and thus could afford some reading time. It was simple enough reading her book while launching her usual spell with one hand.

She didn't really tell anyone that she could actually see through her book if she needed to. She developed that little trick a few years before, and it gave her some delight to see people wonder how she could move like that while reading.

The fangirl lurching towards her caught the magician's attention. She was moving like a drunk, but she seemed oddly capable of handling her weapon. Maybe a test was in order.

Test included compressing her magic into a blazing-white spear and throwing it at the girl, who avoided it, still mumbling something.

"Well..." Marisa thought, taking a large, magic-powered leap back and throwing another one which hit a group of yaoibots, "...that was interesting."

The fangirl avoided a few more of her attacks, which was quite surprising. Sighing internally, Marisa powered her Magicannon. The girl avoided the blast like the attacks before...that is, before said attack rotated quickly, slamming into the girl and sending her flying. Marisa could see that the attack didn't knock out the fangirl but simple dazed her. Or more dazed, considering her current state.

 

[garedelyon]

Night One, TFFA City, Central Plaza, 10:50 PM. Oh so fortuitously within 20 metres or so of the hangar.

Jesus Fucking Christ grumbled Lyon, picking herself to her feet as she pulled a trigger to release a barrel full of... empty.

Oh you have got to be kidding...

She had known that she'd gone through a lot of ammo between the bar fight and the candy shop (and now this charming little fisticuff), but that she had run out of cartridges entirely seemed unbelievable. Experimentally she buried her hands into her pockets, searching for anything other than candy coated peanuts when an explosion from someone's oh so zealous attack launched her inadvertently into the air to smack straight into a concrete wall.

Wait...

Her lungs winded she looked up and behind her, to realise that they'd fought their way right to the hangar. Though their rendezvous seemed to have... gone more than a little awry. Looking beyond the pleasantly well-lit plaza where the battle was raging, she watched fangirls and yaoibots oozing copiously into the light from between buildings and (occasionally) through walls and realised she'd been wrong on two counts tonight.

The first and most pressing was that, while full of jiggery-pokery and awesomesauce her... companions (which was an odd word for the usually solitary girl to consider) most certainly were, they were well in danger of losing out in a big way. The Yaoists had come in spades to take down TFFA City, and while the quality of their troops was well below par, they made up for this in sheer numbers.

This was exactly why the call had been so small to begin with. Their team (or what have you) had not been designed to face the Yaoists in full scale brawls like this for a damned good reason, and yet here they were, trying to take them on on the Yaoists' terms. No guerilla force in history behaved in such a way, and for a moment Lyon felt a stab of something a little like despair at the city's chances. At this rate the assault would be over before it had even begun.

Generally speaking, drawing trouble with you to your meeting point wasn't the smartest of moves.

The second and subsequent count was that, psychotic as she herself was, and as much as she courted death, she didn't shit stir situations like this because they were... such a colossal waste of time. And this seemed, beyond magic and strength and alien legacy, to be the innate difference between herself and many of her companions. She tried to avoid unnecessary trouble, despite its seeming affinity for her, while her teammates were, well... getting off on this. Perhaps she was a purist, but when it came to dealing death, the very fact that she placed such a high value on life had lead her to find fights like this incredibly tasteless.

And of course, there was the matter of her blood-and-diesel-and-sewer-juice covered, formerly white sweatshirt.

And the lack of ammo. That too.

Following another explosion, presumably dealt by the same person/thing which had sent her flying, a fangirl came flying at her through the air. Rolling to the side she heard a nasty crunch as it landed face first into the ground, and just for good measure, and to eke out a bit of her irritation, she broke its neck for good measure.

So here we are, Lyon... she reflected, half heartedly rifling through the dead fangirl's pockets and pocketing the various bits and pieces her hands came across to examine later. Fight a losing battle, or get clear for a bit?

She plucked at the hem of her once snowy white sweatshirt, wrinkling up her nose in the process.

She couldn't be certain, but she was willing to bet that there was a washing machine somewhere inside the hangar.

Keeping inconspicuously low key, she curved around the edge of the building, with the intent of locating a backdoor. When she found it - partially destroyed by an explosion, blown inwards in the recent conflict - the doorframe was warm to the touch, and with a brief apology to her comrades -- though it wasn't as if she was in any way equipped to counter this lot right now -- still, for the most part, fighting, Lyon stole into the hangar.

 

[Halcyon7]

Tell me if I did something horrifically wrong, because I suspect I might have.

================

ôDamn itàI came late.ö The grizzled voice of Uno æThe MonsterÆ Darkstalker groused, as he surveyed the remains of what was once ZarakiÆs Bar.

Now, all that remained was a pile of rubble, and lots and lots of corpses. Of both Yaoi fangirl (which made him happy), and TFFer (which he didnÆt really give two shits about).

Uno sighed, palming his face in annoyance. Then, he raised his voice.

ôOi, are any of you sheep-livered weakling bastards still alive!? If no, well, then hold your peace I supposeàif yes, then, well speak up, the Light damn you!ö

The wind whistled. A board overladen with rubble creaked before crashing and collapsing. Uno peered over hopefully, but scowled as he saw it was nothing more then the effects of gravity.

ôOh, come on now, at least one of you gutless sons of dogs has to be alive! Look, I just need some damn directions, I promise I wonÆt hurt youàunless youÆre a Yaoiist-ô Uno paused, realizing this might hurt his chances at finding a willing volunteer. ô-IÆll only step on your neck a bit, maybe a few pokes with olÆ Rosie! DonÆt be shy!ö

There was no answer. Uno growled.

ôBugger.ö He cursed. ôBugger me in the arse.ö

ôSQUEE!!ö

There was a shriek and a crash from his side. UnoÆs face immediately brightened as he saw the Yaoi fangirl, who was heaving with exertion from pushing the rock and debris from her body.

ôYes, submit yourself to the-Aauuugh!!ö She shrieked, this time in disgust, pointing at Uno wildly. ôEew!ö

ôWell, top of the morninÆ, sunshine!ö UnoÆs scarred face split into a grin as he unsheathed his katana, the Trahelion Rose.

ôWhat are-you-I-SO NOT BISHIE!!ö She screamed, gesturing towards UnoÆs horrifically scarred face and missing eye.

Uno advanced on her, sword held in a ready stance. The fangirl was unarmed, but you could never trust a Yaoiist. His face went blank as he slipped into the Void, emotionless cold and logic taking over his mind.

The fangirl took a few trembling steps back, muttering to herself.

ôThe Yaoi is for all, the Yaoi is for allàmaybe a slash-fic with Zaraki Kenpachi?ö

Feed all emotions to the flameàangeràhatredàdisgustànauseaà

Uno rushed forward, spotted an opportunity, and jumped.

The board the fangirl was standing on sent her flying forward into the air as several hundred pounds of man and iron landed on the other side.

She landed flat on her face in front of him, and soon found a heavy boot on top of her. A cold edge pressed against her cheek.

ôTalk.ö Uno ordered coldy. ôWhat happened here?ö

ôGlory to the Empire!ö She screamed, much similar to a Japanese kamikaze. ôGlory to the Empire! Glory to the Emp-aa-a-alllghö Her screams cut off as he grabbed her tongue.

ôYou really want to die?ö Uno asked, soft and quiet. Quiet, like the grave was quiet. ôSlowly? Painfully? Because I have some good old-fashioned Yuri fics in my belt pouch that IÆd love to share. Would you like to hear them?ö

The fangirl froze. Her eyes bulged, and she began trembling.

Uno grinned. ôI even stopped by the Citrus Farm Market on my way here. Did you know thereÆs this new NaruHina lemon that just came out, where he catches her in the hot springs and then proceeds to-!ö

ôIÆLL TALK!! IÆLL TALK!!ö She screamed, thrashing pitifully.

ôLovely.ö Uno all but purred. ôNow. What. Happened. HERE?ö

=========================================

He got the general story, from the YaoiistÆs POV. An ambush, the stronger TFFers splitting off due to overwhelming odds.

Uno tied the last knot binding the fangirl to an undamaged chair he had rummaged from the wreckage. The gag he had placed in her mouth kept everything but muffled whimpers from escaping her mouth.

He turned to the rest of the remains of ZarakiÆs Bar. He knew his limits, and knew this wouldnÆt be something he could do alone. He would have to revive the surviving TFFers to aid him.

He cupped his hands to his mouth, and sucked in a deep breath.

ôFREEEEE POOOORN!!ö He roared.

It started slowly, and rose, an orchestra of groans and crunches of debris shifting, as the unconscious or half-dead TFFers were roused by the holy beckoning, the sacred call, of free pornography.

They approached, stumbling, unable to resist the call, many bleeding or bruised. One man, brown haired and dressed in jerkins that would have not have been out of place in UnoÆs homeland, stumbled in next to Uno, his face red from a head wound. Judging from the rest of the crowd, about thirty odd men with various broken bones and serious wounds, the man was the least wounded of the bunch.

ôWha-àexplosionàYaoiists everywhereàpornàPorn!ö He gasped, looking around frantically. ôWhere porn?ö

ôThere is no porn.ö Uno replied, his scarred face grinning sadistically. ôThe porn was a lie.ö

ôYouàyou!ö The man snarled. ôYou dareàtoàthe porn!ö

ôLook.ö Uno announced flatly, as if it had just occurred to him. ôYaoi fangirl.ö

The groans and whimpers went silent, as every TFFer turned their ire on the fangirl. She hunched in fear, as she felt the pure, anti-Yaoiist rage directed at her, the kind that could only be born in TFF City.

The cries rose up as predicted.

ôKill her!ö

ôBlasphemer!ö

ôStick her!ö

ôFinish her!ö

ôAn eye for an eye!ö That one was uttered by a man, who had actually lost both of his eyes somehow, and had only found his way over listening to UnoÆs shout. Uno made a mental note to recommend his eyepatch store to him later.

ôWait!ö Uno yelled, and they fell silent. He waved a hand at the helpless fangirl, who was shuddering, staring at them with wide, fear rimmed eyes. ôAre we really going to murder this defenseless girl just because she made the poor decision of choosing the Yaoi side? Is that really fair?ö

There was a brief silence, as each man contemplated this. One man sneezed, and surreptitiously wiped it.

ôThat was rhetorical, you wool-heads! Of course we bloody are!ö Uno roared, and the TFFers shouted in agreement. The fangirl peed herself.

About fifteen minutes and one horrifically murdered fangirl later, Uno was humming a playful ditty, cleaning the Trahelion Rose with a red cloth.

The head-wound man from before stumbled up to him. He had bandaged the wound, and found what looked to be a bow and quiver of arrows.

ôThanks, I donÆt know if I would have made it if you hadnÆt come along.ö The man offered his hand. ôThe nameÆs Wil. IÆm from Emblemland.ö

Uno ignored the hand. He nodded towards the bow. ôYou know how to use that, sissy-boy?ö He growled.

Wil stiffened. ôIÆll have you know, I was the royal archer of Lady Lyn, Marquess of the-ô

ôAh, shut your bleedinÆ mouth, I donÆt give a damn.ö Uno grumbled. ôI asked if you knew how to use it, not your Light-blasted life story. So you can shoot?ö

The manÆs face relaxed into an easy smile. ôSure can.ö He replied chipperly. ôSo whatÆs the plan, boss-man?ö

Uno grunted, and pocketed the handkerchief. ôWe gotta get to that blasted hangar, right? Or the ship will bloody well leave without us. LetÆs just hope thereÆs plenty of Yaoiists between us and it.ö

ôAre you mad?ö Wil demanded, smile disappearing. ôItÆll be hard enough as it is!ö

ôNot hard enough for me.ö Uno murmured, smirking darkly. ôNot nearly hard enough for me.ö

Wil abruptly snickered. ôThatÆs what she said.ö Uno blinked in surprise.

ôWhoÆs æsheÆ?ö The scarred veteran asked blankly.

The archer blanched. ôOh come on, you know.ö

ôKnow who? WhoÆs this æsheÆ youÆre talking about?ö Uno asked.

Being of the province of Randland, a very sparsely populated ficdom, not much information got in all on itÆs own. Information including internet and joke trends.

ôYouÆve got to be kidding me. You havenÆt heard of æthatÆs what she saidÆ jokes.ö Wil deadpanned, disbelieving.

ôThe Light damn you to the Pit of Doom, who in the CreatorÆs name is æsheÆ!?ö Uno snarled angrily, frustrated.

ôUgh. Good, sweet Lord Hawk protect me.ö Wil sighed. ôThis is going to be a long trip.ö

ôBoy, I swear to the Light I will stick your bloody arse if you donÆt tell me-ô

ôAs if you could, you damned old bastard! Honestly, who hasnÆt heard of æthatÆs what she saidÆ!? Honestly!? Keep up with the times, old-timer!ö

ôOld-timer!ö Uno roared. He narrowed his one eye. ôIÆll have you know, you ænoobÆ, that I can æpwnÆ you anyday!ö

ôYeah, sure you can.ö Wil replied dully, kneading his temples to stave off the migraine.

ôAnd donÆt you forget it, you lily-livered goat-kisser.ö Uno nodded in triumph. He raised his voice to address the rest of the men, who had been milling around, holding makeshift or personal weapons. ôCome on, you mangy pack of dogs, weÆre moving out!ö

And so, æCyclops CompanyÆ was born.

========================

Just tell me. Just tell me what I missed.

'covers eyes in fear'

 

[Unknown-common-827]

Night One: Central Plaza, 10:55 PM, 15 Meters from the Hangar:

"Man, I must really be out of it" was my train of thought as a dozen yaoibots came rushing at me. The first 4 were tough enough, given it's been a while since I fought harshly.

"You really know how to piss me off" I said before devising a plan and hauling as fast as I could towards a clearing, closer to the hangar.

The Yaoibots closed the gap within a fairly easy stride of me before I stopped suddenly and turned towards them. The resulting fireball took out two of them, charring their insides to the consitensey of overburned briquettes. However Ten of them still remained as I tried to devise a new plan.

'Come on Deadman, THINK! You were able to take these guys easy just 6 months ago!' I thought to myself before taking a deep breath and rushing to my right. A Yaoi bot grabbed my left shoulder but I was able to swing around, kick the head off another yaoibot and plant the one who grabbed me with a DDT to the hard ground below.

Dusting myself off, I ran towards the others, hurling a few lightning bolts towards the remaining 8, hitting one right in the head, sending it's electrical circuits into a craze, thus blowing him to bits and taking two others with him.

'All right... wait... I remember...way baack... a school... a Stick...' I thought as I grabbed another and chokeslamed him before reaching into my pocket and grabbing a transmutation circle.

After wasting another bot with a throw into a nearby cement building with enough force to make Nolan Ryan jealous, I placed the circle down and pulled out a Hockey Stick.

"Now... now I recall... Time to see what I remember from hockey" I mumbled before running towards the remaining 3, taking off their heads with fiercely placed slashes.

However before I could take pride in this small victory I saw a fangirl wielding a sword and walking maniacally towards me.

"What the hell? A Yaoist with a blade?" I jokingly said aloud before torching her with a fireball.

"You... dead... man... I... FINISH... you!" said the woman as she emerged from the fire with minor burns and took an offensive stance, her sword pointed straight at me.

"Oh fuck... this isn't good... LEGACY!" I shouted, hoping to get a little help with this crazed, and somehow stronger, fangirl without being caught or killed.

This fight would take some more time...

 

[Vexarian]

Night One, TFFA City, Sewers, 11:00 PM

Vex's eyes were fully slitted and practically glowing red with rage as he sliced through yet another golem.

"FUCK THIS!" He screamed in frustration.

"Wha-" Lea began, confused only to be cut off as Vex's rage erupted.

"It feels like I've been down here for MONTHS!" He screamed, sheathing his spears so quickly it didn't even visibly appear, then reaching out, grabbing onto Lea's collar and Nanashi's hood.

"Wait, what are you going to do?!" Nanashi muttered.

"Nova." Vex whispered.

Night One, TFFA City, Topside, 11:00 PM

The entire city shook violently for a moment, and a block of the commerical district blew itself apart, leaving a gaping crater in the ground. Almost directly above this hole, several hundred meters straight up, were three men, standing on a golden platform, which didn't seem even slightly bothered by gravity.

 

[Watashiwa]

Seconds after the blast, TFF City

Looking down, Nanashi could only whistle in appreciation. The psychic power necessary to simultaneously blow a hole over one hundred metres wide, through several metres of reinforced concrete, while simultaneously creating a platform and protecting people from the blast.... even at his peak, he'd never been capable of anything like that.

His estimation for the alien rose several notches. This guy... will definitely be a help against THEM.

He turned to scan the city. "Hey, look, we're pretty close to the military tower. Let's get over there. Doesn't look like there's much fighting anymore, but the faster we get out of the city..."

"The faster we can really cut loose!" Finished Lea. The two shared manaical grins.

"Let's find the brat and head out."

 

[Ray]

[work, they say. they want me to work. well, fuck work. >_<]

EVENT #3: Rumble in the Bogs

OST: Fate/Stay Night OST - Colliding Souls

Outside the Military Tower, TFF City

Ray dove around yet another blast of dark energy, swinging his blades in a fan-like motion to block the flying debris that went his way. He had to admit, this woman û she was truly something else. Her powers went far and above what any mere fangirlÆs should-

ôEnd of the line, Fanfiction Paladin!ö

RayÆs eyes snapped open as he turned around just in time to bat IssildraÆs black blade away from his neck with one of his own swords. In the span of a second the woman had used the diversion from her last attack to pull off this technique û admirable.

Sending a burst of prana to his legs, Ray leaped back, putting a distance between himself and the fangirl as he faced her in the ruined asphalt street.

ôHaving trouble keeping up, roach?ö

So fast that even Ray could only barely register it, she swung her black blade in an arc, sending a veritable shockwave of yaoist energy in the paladinÆs direction.

The world seemed to slow down.

Instantly, Ray could tell that there was no blocking this attack, no dodging it.

He smiled.

I am the thread of my web.

Everything blurred back into focus, and with a speed to match IssildraÆs, Ray faced the dark energy and swung one of his own swords.

ôHaaa!ö

The dark energy collided against an opposite wave of brilliant white light which began to push back against it, steering it back towards Issildra.

ôWhat the hell is this,ö the woman yelled, sweat pouring down her forehead as she pushed more mana into her attack ôDragonball!?ö

æYouÆre one to speak about clichÚs, womanà huh!?Æ

ôISSILDRA!ö

æIs thatà the cyborg!?Æ Ray thought, for a moment completely baffled. Then, he saw RijinÆs missile launcher, and instantly knew what to do.

ôEAT THIS, YOU ROTTEN CUNT!ö the cyborg screamed, and then predictably launched a massive missile barrage at the fangirl. Just then, Ray poured every bit of effort he had into his own attack, the white light redoubling its efforts against the dark energy.

Completely baffled at RijinÆs appearance and the resulting two-pronged attack, Issildra could do nothing but disengage and throw up a hasty shield.

BOOM!

The womanÆs shield held up, but only barely. The resulting explosion sent her flying at least a dozen meters before she finally landed, colliding painfully with the asphalt street and then skidding backwards some more before finally stopping.

As she tried to stand up, the ground shook again, nearly sending her to the floor once more as a flash of light flared up in the streets behind the military tower.

Ray frowned, fixing his gaze beyond the fangirl for a fraction of a second. ôThatÆs almost like-ô

ôRay, a Broken Phantasm!?ö Serena interrupted, skidding to a stop beside him and immediately taking a defensive position when she noticed Issildra. How the girl moved so fast sometimes baffled Ray.

ôNot quite,ö he said curtly of what looked like one of his preferred signature strikes being used by someone else, ôbut similar. Stop talking and keep your eyes on the woman.ö

At that moment, Issildra finally managed to stand up, cursing profusely.

ôYouà bastardsàö she eyed her once-immaculate black dress, which was now ripped and burnt in several extremely compromising places, ôyou bastards! ThatÆs it, youÆre dead! All of you are dead!ö

She swung her sword around, the blade crackling with dark energy.

ôI donÆt think so,ö muttered Ray, twirling his own blades and moving forward, ôin fact, I think this is going to end right here. Just you and m-ô

ôI donÆt think that was your mission, Fanfiction Paladin! WeÆll hold them! The rest of you bastards, get to the hangar at the top of the tower! Move it!ö

At the sound of that voice, all the TFFers looked around, finding themselves suddenly surrounded by dozens of black armored troops. The military. Behind them, holding a black katana, was Lady Genocide.

ôGoddamn you all,ö Issildra muttered, ôgoddamn you! Minions, cover my escape! Ariana, get here and follow me!ö

She swept into a run, and Ray and Serena immediately leapt after her. The paladin managed to close in, but his apprentice was promptly held back by the appearance of another black-clad fangirl, Ariana; who, eyes-glazed over, swung a wicked-looking demonic sword like a madwoman.

ôGet. Out. Of. My. WAY!ö

There was a blast of compressed air, and Ariana was sent flying back, almost colliding with her Mistress. Cursing, Issildra grabbed her by the shoulder and let loose a torrent of inky black energy that surrounded the two of them before dissipating in a matter of seconds. Once it was gone, so where they, leaving nothing behind but the destruction theyÆd wrought.

Ray stood less than a meter away, glaring. He had to admit, that fangirl was truly something.

ôRay?ö Serena asked, walking up to him.

ôThe hangar,ö the paladin said, turning around. He looked troubled, in a way. ôGet everyone into the hangar.ö

 

[Vexarian]

Night One, TFFA City, Topside, 11:03 PM

"To the tower then?" Vex cocked his eyebrow, a moment later they were replaced by a bright flash, which shot across the sky. Within mere hundredths of a seconds they reappeared hovering several feet from the tower.

"So then, let's get going." Vex smirked, hopping off the platform.

 

[Rooster455]

"Rooster!!"

Ricky turned to see squad of armed and armored TFF soldier running towards his position, firing as they came. Relief flooded through the soldier as the squad took cover with him and continued pouring fire into the Yaoi forces.

"Gods am I glad to see you, Petra!" Rooster cried as the woman to his left ducked down to reload.

"This means we're even you stupid frakker!" She cried back. "Now, don't you have a hanger to get to?!"

Rooster popped up to see the various TFFers he had joined with running towards the Hanger. Just as he went to get up a hand clapped onto his shoulder, keeping him down.

"I'm coming with you!" The soldier said over the roar of battle.

"Sorry, Swordsman, but I'm on special assignment! You can't come this time!" Ricky responded.

"The hell I can't!" Samson 'Swordsman' Couper yelled as he pulled out a sheet of paper from his pocket. "I'm on orders to join your little raid!"

Before Ricky could try and refute his long time friend Petra cut him off.

"It's legit, Rooster! Now go you two, we'll keep you covered!"

Rooster just shook his head, but grinned anyways. It was nice to know he'd have a friend to rely on in the melee before them.

"Ready then?" He said and Swordsman tightened the strap on his pack and nodded.

"COVERING FIRE!!" Petra screamed and the rest of her squad rose up and unleashed a withering barrage of destruction while the two soldiers took off running towards the Hanger.

 

[Legacy|iB]

Night One: Central Plaza, 10:55 PM

By now, Legacy had stopped trying to convince his sister to get moving to the hangar. Logic said they had to get to the hangar as quickly as possible and that they were just wasting time with these goons...

...then again, since when did logic apply to a hockey player?

Actually, correction - since when did logic apply to Legacy's sister?

"HIGH STICK'D, BITCH!" Legacy-ko shouted, amidst the scream of the Yaoist she had just committed a foul on.

At the rate Legacy-ko was going, Legacy was positive they'd be stuck here longer than that 7th overtime back at '36...except this wasn't going to end with a big goal and bigger celebration as much as when his sister would stop finding things to break.

He sighed, wondering when this was going to stop...

"LEGACY!"

And suddenly, Legacy-ko did stop.

"...who was that?" she asked, unable to recognize the voice.

"That was Unknown, over there fighting the-?!"

Before Legacy could even explain or even begin to prepare himself to give a rationale as to his sister's usual complaint of why they'd have to lend a hand to somebody else calling for help ("Well suck it up, superstar!", as she'd normally say in regards to things such as that), she was off. Legacy-ko was speeding down the street. She spawned a puck in her hands, deftly maneuvering and stick-handling it as she went.

There were Yaoibots and Yaoists between her and Unknown. Legacy-ko dodged its attack, skating wide with the puck on the toe of her stick. She then turned, and fired, the puck exploding as it struck the machine square in the back. As she reoriented herself, she raised her fist and punched a Yaoist hard in the face as her momentum carried her. Spawning several more pucks, Legacy-ko slowed down just slightly, taking a moment to wind her stick back and fire slap shots at the Yaoibots and Yaoists.

She then sped back up again, straight towards the Yaoist with the sword, faster than Marian Gaborik, Pavel Bure, or any other freakishly fast hockey player Legacy would be able to name.

As Legacy-ko approached, she suddenly leapt into the air.

She landed, skate first on the Yaoist.

"Chris Simon, eat yer heart out!" Legacy-ko shouted, triumphantly. She then turned around...and frowned.

"Oh, it's Unknown...yay..."

"...what's that supposed to mean?!" Unknown demanded.

"I saw somebody with a stick gettin' rushed by Jarkko here, and I figured another hockey player crawled out and decided to man up and take this motherfuckers on," Legacy-ko explained, now bordering on condescending. "...and now I get here...and it's you."

"...didn't you hear me saying it was Unknown?" Legacy asked, horribly confused as to how his sister did not hear him earlier.

"Come on, I saw some wood! It oughta be a hockey player, but no, it's fuckin' Unknown!"

Unknown's eye twitched as he listened to Legacy-ko ranting. In their joined existence, Legacy knew full well how much Unknown would have wanted to punch Legacy-ko out.

Legacy didn't blame him.

"...meh, whatever. Come on, Unknown, lotsa guys to beat up tonight and they ain't gonna do it themselves!" Legacy-ko said.

"We can't do that, we have to get to the hangar. Everybody else is probably getting ready to go, and we don't want to look like Ray Emery missing the team flight...you're not listening, are you?"

Legacy-ko was not.

"Come on, let's do some old time hockey - Eddie Shore, Toe Blake...GORDIE HOWE!"

There was suddenly an enormous explosion. Vex had torn apart the commercial district. Debris and remains went flying.

"What was that?!" Unknown dusted himself off and got back on his feet.

"Go big or go home, eh?" Legacy said, getting back on his skates.

...looking down, Legacy suddenly realized he had hands. He had his body back!

The explosion sent some tiny yet sizable pieces of concrete flying and one of them must have hit the scar and reversed him and Legacy-ko. What were the chances?!

Legacy laughed. His sister wasn't quite as cheery.

"I...I...dead man...loud obnoxious girl...I...kill..." the Yaoist muttered. Even after taking Legacy-ko's skates to the face, she still wanted to fight.

"...anyways..." Legacy started, as he turn around toward the hangar. "Let's get going, Unknown, we've got a flight to catch."

"Right, let's go" Unknown said, following Legacy as they rushed towards the hangar.

"Oh, and by the way - sorry for what my little sister was saying...you know her..." Legacy said, hoping to undo whatever damage Legacy-ko had inadvertently done this time.

OOC: Taking a break from the loudmouthed Legacy-ko for a bit...

 

[Xaosite]

Night One, Hanger, 10:57 PM

"One second, please, I almost have this wrapped up."

Xaosite stood opposite a set of the last remaining yaoibots. The bots were standing in a triangular formation, and both they and he were standing stock still.

Then, taking a few steps forward, he rolled a d100 underhanded towards the group. As it rolled, it enlarged until it was the size of a boulder, and smashed the group of them tp pieces.

"Alright! Strike!" Xaosite pumped his fist into the air. "That was ten frames, so the game is finished." With that, his turned and walked into the hanger. Behind him, one could see nine more groups of yaoibots, all smashed to pieces in similar ways.

 

[Rooster455]

Night One, Hanger, 2257 (10:57 PM)

"Rooster, there's our shuttle." Swordsman pointed out as the two men ran into the main Hanger bay. TFFers were scrambling around the various ships and defenses.

"Good, but we're not taking it." Rooster replied.

"We're not?"

"Nope."

"Than what are we taking?"

"Those," said Rooster, pointing to two Vipers sitting in their launch tubes by the shuttle. "I hope you're still qualified to fly one of those babies."

Swordsman face slowly worked into a sly grin. "I just hope you can keep up, old man."

"OLD MAN!?! I'll teach you, you snot-nose brat!"

With that the two men sprinted to the fighters, flashed their orders to the Crew Chief and then loaded their gear into the small cargo hold of the fighters. Once they checked that their gear was secured they pulled themselves into the cockpits of the fighters. A Deck Officer handed them helmets and cleared the immediate area of the launch tubes, before loading the fighters into them. Like bullets in the chamber.

"Swordsman, Rooster. Comms check."

"Loud and clear, Rooster."

"Hanger Control, this is Rooster in Launch Tube Three. Please give me the comm signal for Special Assignment Shuttle. We're acting as her escorts."

"Roger Rooster. Go to frequency 243.6 and wait for launch signal. We will give you the go ahead at the same time as the shuttle."

"Roger," Rooster acknowledged before switching to Swordsman's comm channel.

"Now, we wait for everyone to get into the shuttle."

 

[Unknown-common-827]

OOC: Guess I never saw the updates... -_________-

"Right, let's go" Unknown said, following Legacy as they rushed towards the hangar.

"Oh, and by the way - sorry for what my little sister was saying...you know her..." Legacy said, hoping to undo whatever damage Legacy-ko had inadvertently done this time.

"That fucking alter-ego of yours needs to get hammered or nailed... didn't she know I USED to be a hockey nut alongside you? After all, we did rock some idiots a few years ago." I said to the now male Legacy.

"Well... at least we were switched before she caused too much damage, thankfully" said Legacy as Unknown suddenly pulled a little ahead of him.

"Hey! What's with trying to leave me in the dust, Unknown?" Said the resident flame fan.

"She wants to bitch on Chris Simon... well, I'm just showing some old Peter Bondra" I said with a little glint of joking in my eye.

Legacy just grinned and pulled even with me and we hauled toward the hangar. I wonder if they have something for me to work with there...

 

[Halcyon7]

There once was a girl named Jillie. She joined her friends at a sleepover, and they watched a bunch of videos with men doing stuff to eachother she thought only men and women could do together. They called it æYaoiÆ. Jillie personally thought it wasnÆt that great, but all her friends loved it. They obsessed over it, practically worshipped it. So Jillie decided to give it a shot, not really wanting to be left out.

Soon enough, she began to like it. Love it, even.

Then, her friends took it to the next level. They joined this new club (though they insisted she call it the Glorious Empire) and actually found jobs and places. This made Jillie very sad and lonely.

So she decided to join too.

That many years later, her friends advanced in the ranks, she stayed at the rank of a normal footsoldier. She knew she could probably hop up a few ranks if she gave it her all, but preferred her current rank. This way she had plenty of friends, because there were always plenty of footsoldiers.

She had lots of fun making new friends.

But today, she wasnÆt having fun.

Today, she was covered in this icky red stuff that came out of all her friends, and wouldnÆt stop coming out, and she was all dirty and her friends kept letting it out because this flashy light kept going through them out of the thick fog, and she tried to put them back together but they just wouldnÆt stick and-

Uno Darkstalker, armor stained crimson from blood, appeared from the fog, sword held high.

ôHawk Eternal.ö He growled, before he swung.

So thatÆs what the light w-

---------------

ôThat the last one?ö Wil queried, pushing through the fog.

Uno grunted an affirmative, producing that same red handkerchief and wiping down the blade.

ôWeÆve still got to get to the hangar, chief.ö The archer reminded him.

Uno paused, then held the handkerchief in the air. ôThis was white when I bought it. Want to share any more completely flaming useless information? Because IÆm all ears.ö

ôAnyone ever tell you youÆre an enormous dick?ö Wil deadpanned, his patience with the ever-disgruntled swordsman already wearing thin.

ôYes.ö Uno replied, just as flat. ôThen, after I pounded their skulls in, I told them theyÆd been buggered by an enormous dick. Were you saying something?ö

ôàno.ö Wil answered wisely.

ôDidnÆt bloody think so.ö

There was another pause as Uno went back to wiping down the Trahelion Rose. Wil stayed there, counting his arrows.

Uno was the first one to speak.

ôàdÆyou know who called up this flaming fog? Because I know it bloody well didnÆt show up naturally.ö

ôI think Fizban summoned it.ö Wil replied airily.

ôàwho the bloody flaming hell is Fizban?ö Uno turned, staring back at the archer.

ôSome old mage. HeÆs a bit nuts, honestly.ö The swordsman shrugged, accepting this answer.

Then, an idea occurred to him, and Uno grinned. It was horrific. It was inhumane, perverse, and inconceivable. It was right up his alley.

ôàassemble the men.ö

-------


Uno stood in front of his ragtag band of TFF citizens, most looking the worse for wear. They were only a tad over two dozen, the only currently distinguishable ones being a man missing both eyes, an old man leaning on a wizened staff, and an archer with a lazy grin, the otherÆs images being blurred on account of the Future Plot Device censors.

Wil sobered up. ôTen hut!ö He snarled. ôEyes forward!ö

The noble citizens snapped to attention, steeling their expressions as Uno stepped forward.

ôMy name is Lieutenant Captain Uno Darkstalker, and I need me a tad over two dozen soldiers.ö

There wasnÆt a second of hesitation. A tad over two dozen men stepped forward one step, and stood at rest, waiting. Uno simply went on, as if he had expected nothing less.

ôWeÆre going to be taking a shuttle up into space, dressed as Yaoiists. WeÆre going to be doinÆ one thing, and one thing only û killing fangirls.ö

ôYes, sir!ö They screamed as one. Several grimaced at the idea of wearing Yaoi clothes.

ôMembers of the Glorious Empire of Yaoi have conquered TFF through murder, torture, intimidation, and terror, and thatÆs exactly what weÆre going to do to them. We will be cruel to the fangirl; and through our cruelty, they will know who we are. They will find the evidence of our cruelty in the disemboweled, dismembered and disfigured bodies of their comrades we leave behind us, and they will not be able to help themselves from imagining the cruelty their comrades endured at our handsàand our bootheelsàand the edge of our knivesàö

Wil chose this moment to don a creepy smile, one that would not have looked out of place on Morino Ibiki wanking himself while remembering a particularly brutal torture.

ôAnd the Yaoi will be sickened by us!ö

The men were smirking too now. Men? There were no men here, any longer. There were monsters, hatching in their souls.

ôAnd the Yaoi will talk about us!ö

Uno stalked back and forth, madness in his one eye.

ôAnd the Yaoi will fear us! The Empire ainÆt got no flaminÆ humanity, and they need to be destroyed!ö Uno narrowed his eye and pinned them all with a deathly glare. ôEach and every man under my command owes me one hundred. Yaoi. SCALPS.ö He hissed, tossing his head like an enraged beast, his topknot bouncing. ôAnd I want my scalps. SOUNDS GOOD?ö

ôYES, SIR!ö

ôGOOD! Now get to that hangar!ö