The Airlock is Ajar

#1
The idea is simple. You write a short snippet of Mass Effect fanfic. Cracktastic humor, plain humor, even a bit of angst or romance if you're inclined. Any pairing, any game, any level of canonicity. And you provide the next writer with a Paragon and a Renegade prompt. Make it as generic or specific as you like.

You can also simply continue the first prompt if that's your desire. Call it a neutral option.

So, here we go. First snippet.

- - - - -

Rannoch

Tali'Zorah vas Normandy approached the hill slowly. It had been a long discussion with the other admirals over the post-war recolonization of Rannoch, and frankly she was looking forward to returning to the ship overhead for some shut eye and relaxation with a certain human captain. She still blushed hotly under her helmet at the thought, a reaction that made the geth in her suit lower the temperature.

"I'm quite fine with that sort of reaction," she said, a bit sharply.

"Apologies Creator."

She looked up and frowned. The Normandy's shuttle was nowhere in sight. Rather, a very large pile of boxes sat there. She heard rummaging sounds, and she rounded the pile to find-

"Shepard?" She asked as her mate dug through one of the containers. "What is this?"

"Hm? Oh, hey Tali," Shepard said. He blinked. "Why are you back so early?"

"One of the admirals may have had a minor suit malfunction," Tali admitted carefully. She shook her head. "What are you doing here? Where's the shuttle?"

"Oh, the Normandy's been pulled for refit. It's going to take a few weeks," Shepard said.

"You mean... We're going to be alone here?" She asked, her heart pumping a bit faster. Shepard smiled.

"Looks like."

"Still, that is an awfully large pile of luggage," Tali pointed out. Shepard grinned, a transformation of his face that seemed to make him look much younger.

"It's not. It's building supplies," Shepard said. Tali blinked.

"Building supplies? For what?"

"Your house, of course!" Shepard said. He held up his omnitool and displayed some schematics. "I had some stuff shipped down."

"Oh, thank you Shepard," Tali said with a warm smile. "So, who have you hired to do it?"

"Hm? Hired?" Shepard asked as he pulled out a bar of radiation treated steel. He frowned at her. "What do we need to hire anyone for?"

"Well, to build the house Shepard," Tali said carefully.

"Hey, I promised I'd build you it, right?" He said, wrapping an arm around her waist. Tali blushed again, and nodded.

"Well, yes, but I didn't think it would be quite so literal."

"Come on, you're an engineer, I've been a colonist... Or spacer..." Shepard frowned. "Maybe I grew up on Earth... Anyway! I'm sure we can figure it out. I mean, it even comes with instructions!"

"Shepard, I don't know," Tali said, feeling a bit apprehensive. It seemed like a lot of work, and the schematics were far more complicated than a pre-fab. They'd have to harvest the other materials themselves, like wood and stone.

Shepard held her and turned her to look into her eyes. "Tali... We can do it. If we took down the Reapers, I'm sure we can put one simple house together." He grinned and held the bar up again. "How hard could it be?"

He tossed the bar back into the box... Which tipped over and slammed into a larger, taller container that also tipped over, knocking over the next and the next. With a series of crashes and thuds the contents of the containers had spilled out all over the grassy field. Shepard very slowly lowered his arm, and looked over at Tali.

"That... That totally doesn't count," he said. "Just stuff falling over."

"Could have been worse," Tali said wryly. "It could have blown up."

"Don't give it any ideas," Shepard grumbled.

- - - - -

Neutral: Continue the misadventures of Tali and M!Shepard as they attempt to build their new home on Rannoch!

Renegade: Fem!Shep attempts to bond with Grunt or another Krogan of your choice involving a particularly dangerous Earth pastime!

Paragon: Either Shepard gets an intervention about their driving.
 
#2
ôWhatÆs this?ö

ôWellllllà.ö Garrus rubbed the back of his head, staring at the modified Mako and trying to think how to explain what happened last night after they went drinking.

ôIt started when we started drinking,ö admitted Wrex. ôWe were comparing pistols, and they were trying to match me shot for shot!ö He let out a barking laugh, making the others groan at the noise. Having redundant organs really helped when it came to hangovers.

ôSo what happened?ö He might have spoken louder than necessary, but no one had to know that.

ôNot so loud!ö Ashley hissed, trying to shield her face from the lights in the cargo bay. She could just make out Shepard arching an eyebrow at her in invitation to continue the story. ôI mentioned the old gunslingers from the Wild West.ö Her voice sputtered out, and she began to eye the basket near the gun bench.

Kaiden stepped forward, looking in much better than the others. With his headaches, moderation had been something he learned early. ôWell, we talked about that for a while, and Garrus really seemed interested in posses. From there it was criminals, then stage coach robberies, and your driving came up just after we talked about trains.ö

Shepard held up a hand to stop him. ôI think I can fill in the rest easily enough. I only have one questionàö He lowered his voice, making the others lean in to hear his last word. ôWill it work?!ö

The group staggered back at his shout, and Tali poked her head out of the engine room, having heard his bellow. ôAh, it should. I heard the noise last night, and made sure they didnÆt hurt the Makoàor themselves.ö

ôExcellent,ö cackled Shepard. ôJoker! Find me a planet with some Geth; I have a cow catcher to try out.ö

Paragon: Loyalty Mission: Minor Crew Member : Open the Pickle Jar!
Neutral:Time to crush some Geth! Bonus points for the Prime!
Renegade: Moridin's Wacky Experiments!

Sorry if these options aren't good.
 
#3
Dakaath said:
ôWhatÆs this?ö

ôWellllllà.ö Garrus rubbed the back of his head, staring at the modified Mako and trying to think how to explain what happened last night after they went drinking.

ôIt started when we started drinking,ö admitted Wrex. ôWe were comparing pistols, and they were trying to match me shot for shot!ö He let out a barking laugh, making the others groan at the noise. Having redundant organs really helped when it came to hangovers.

ôSo what happened?ö He might have spoken louder than necessary, but no one had to know that.

ôNot so loud!ö Ashley hissed, trying to shield her face from the lights in the cargo bay. She could just make out Shepard arching an eyebrow at her in invitation to continue the story. ôI mentioned the old gunslingers from the Wild West.ö Her voice sputtered out, and she began to eye the basket near the gun bench.

Kaiden stepped forward, looking in much better than the others. With his headaches, moderation had been something he learned early. ôWell, we talked about that for a while, and Garrus really seemed interested in posses. From there it was criminals, then stage coach robberies, and your driving came up just after we talked about trains.ö

Shepard held up a hand to stop him. ôI think I can fill in the rest easily enough. I only have one questionàö He lowered his voice, making the others lean in to hear his last word. ôWill it work?!ö

The group staggered back at his shout, and Tali poked her head out of the engine room, having heard his bellow. ôAh, it should. I heard the noise last night, and made sure they didnÆt hurt the Makoàor themselves.ö

ôExcellent,ö cackled Shepard. ôJoker! Find me a planet with some Geth; I have a cow catcher to try out.ö

Paragon: Loyalty Mission: Minor Crew Member : Open the Pickle Jar!
Neutral:Time to crush some Geth! Bonus points for the Prime!
Renegade: Moridin's Wacky Experiments!

Sorry if these options aren't good.
Nah, it's cool. But the main action is taking place on the Spacebattles thread, so why not copy and paste it there?
 
#5
<a href='http://forums.spacebattles.com/showthread.php?p=7627107' target='_blank' rel='nofollow'>http://forums.spacebattles.com/showthread.php?p=7627107</a>

Here it is! Go nuts.
 
#6
ôMuhahahahahahahahahaha!ö The diabolical laughter echoed throughout the Normandy, something that should have been impossible given the fact the bulkhead door was closed. A second later thundered sounded while lightening flashed.

ôEDI?ö

ôYes Commander Shepard?ö

ôWhy are you pumping MordinÆs laughter through the ship?ö Another bout of laughter started up, and once again thunder roared and lightening flashed, blinding the crew members clustered around the locked door to the DoctorÆs lab. Wearily Shepard rubbed his forehead, his augmented eyes having left him faring better then the crewmen. ôAnd whatÆs with the special effects?"

EDIÆs blue avatar popped up. ôPer Doctor SolusÆs orders.ö

Shepard held up a hand. ôWait, youÆre telling me Mordin asked you to?ö

The avatar flashed, EDIÆs equivalent to a nod. ôYes.ö

ôDid he say why?ö Curiosity was starting to seep into ShepardÆs voice, replacing his frustration at being interrupted from his work.

ôMad Scientist regulations.ö

Shepard had to blink at hearing that answer. ôMad Scientist regulations?ö he repeated to himself more than anyone.

EDI heard him however, and chose to interpret it as a request for further clarification. ôHe was very specific in stating the times when I should trigger the effects.ö

ôWell, letÆs see what this is all about then.ö As he headed for the door the special effects went off once again, MordinÆs laughter reaching a crescendo.

ôEDI, stop that.ö

ôBelay that order,ö added Shepard over his shoulder.

ôYouÆre going to let this continue?ö asked Miranda, a little of her old scorn slipping into her voice. ôITs causing havoc with the crew.ö

Shepard paused, considering. ôGood point. EDI, just tune it down some.ö

Miranda could only shake her head, though a small smile crept onto her lips when she thought no one was listening. She stepped into place behind Shepard, preparing to follow him into the lair of the beast.

The crowd of crewmembers moved back to give them access to the door, and those that had jobs to do quickly scurried away at MirandaÆs glare. Garrus stepped forward form among them, Jacob right behind him.

As Shepard approached the door the glaring red locked symbol flashed, sensing the CaptainÆs signal in his Omnitool. The computer queried the labÆs computer to see if there was an actual reason for the lab being locked, like a chemical leak, and receiving an okay symbol began to open.

Before it could, EDI intercepted it, sending in a new set of programs as per the DoctorÆs orders. This all took less than half a second to the organic beings waiting for the door to open, and they were naturally surprised when the doors slid slowly open with an ominous creak.

ôSuccess!ö Cackled the doctor. They could barely see him, the lab lights having been dimmed from their natural brightness. Instead beakers of chemicals glowed in crazy colors, and in the corner lightening crackled up and down a metallic pillar.
Suddenly the lights flashed behind him, highlighting the bubbling beaker held in his land. He spun around to face them, lab coat billowing behind him dramatically.

ôYouÆve just arrived in time to witness my greatest creation! And thereÆs nothing you can do to stop me!ö

With that Mordin took a giant gulp of the glowing liquid in his beaker even as Shepard leaped forward to stop him. Shepard stopped as he realized Mordin was choking or dying, but instead nodding agreeably. ôGood taste, strong contentàperfect.ö

ôWhat?ö

ôNew home brew,ö explained Mordin. ôBest batch yet, large amount to. Have some.ö Pulling a tarp aside, and leaving Shepard wondering precisely where he had gotten the dirty and stained sheet from, Mordin revealed a tray full of glasses.

Kasumi shimmered into view, grabbed a glass, then disappeared again in a haze of electronics. Both of them blinked at that, before deciding to ignore it. ôOkay then.ö Shepard took a glass before passing the tray to the rest of his curious squad mates.

Hesitantly Shepard raised the glass to his lips before taking a swallow. His eyes widened in surprise, it was some good stuff. Eagerly he took another gulp before taking a moment to savor the taste. ôSo, thatÆs what this was all about?ö

Mordin nodded, the lights in the lab gradually coming back to full brightness. ôYes. Always wanted to play Mad Scientist since saw it in your media when a child. Never got the chance, STG frowns on atypical use of resources. With mission, thought this was last chance, wanted to fulfill dream.ö

ôI thought Mad Scientists were all about crazy cyborgs, rouge AIs, genetic monstrosities, and weird experiments, and you went with alcohol?ö

Mordin nodded, setting his beaker to the side. He struck a pose that reminded Shepard of the old Superman movies, hands on hips, head through back proudly, jacket billowing behind him. Shepard had to blink at that, seeing as Mordin wasnÆt moving and they were on a space ship. Then he realized EDI had turned on one of the decontamination fans to get the desired effect. ôThose were too easy, for I am a Super Salarian Scientist!ö Once again the thunder rolled dramatically and the lights flashed, though obviously reduced so as not to cause people to drop their drinks.

After a second Mordin dropped his pose and picked up his glass again. ôBesides, did all that stuff already sometime after third attempt at brew. Second was to strong, things went fuzzy afterwards. In cage in corner.ö He gestured with his free hand. ôAlcohol actually harder. Had to simulate age in very short time.ö

Cautiously Shepard approached the indicated corner, ready to drop his glass and draw his gun at a momentÆs notice. Gently he lifted the lid of container a bare inch and peered in, only to blink in surprise. ôI really should have expected something like this.ö Flipping the lid off he reached in and pulled the monstrosity out.
ôMordin, you made a glorified platypus.ö

ôAwwww, how cute!ö Kasumi shimmered into view once again, grabbed the little animal, and disappeared.

Shepard could only shake his head and take another swig.
-----------------------------------------------------
Paragon: Seriously, this pickle jar needs opening. (Useless crewmember side mission.)
Neutral: Wait, what did you do to that platypus?
Renegade: Politicians are annoying, IÆm getting revenge.
 

mandalorianjedi

The Original M2J
#8
Dakaath said:
Neutral: Wait, what did you do to that platypus?
A/N: If you have kids, it should be readily apparent how I came up with this...

"So... What to name you?" Kasumi asked the space platypus once she exited Mordin's Tech Lab. "I got it! I shall name you... Bartholomew!"

This sentiment only lasted until she got to the Starboard Observation Room on the Crew Deck when she decided to name him Perry instead. After getting him to the crew's lounge, she then placed an old 20th Century brown fedora on his head and then attempted to teach him to become a secret agent, effectively turning him into a "semi-aquatic egg layin' space mammal of action".

It was while she was performing this task, that she was interupted by several of her fellow squadmates.

"Hey, Kasumi, whatcha doin'?" asked Yeoman Kelly Chambers.

"I'm training Perry to be a secret agent," Kasumi answered.

"Cool," Kelly replied.

"I'm telling Shepard! You are going to be soooo BUSTED!" yelled Miranda before storming off towards the elevator to the loft.

"You know... He doesn't seem to do much..." Jacob Taylor noted.

"They are the only mammals to lay eggs," Mordin added.

"I encountered a platypus secret agent on a mission once...." Zaeed regaled to the other crewmembers. "I was the only one to make it back alive."

"Hey Mordin," Jacob said suddenly. "I think I know what we're gonna do today!"

"Hey, has anyone seen Perry?" Kasumi asked, when she noticed the platypus had suddenly turned up missing.

Paragon: Shepard training for the Suicide Mission "Rocky Balboa Style!"
Neutral: The Further Adventures of Perry the Space Platypus
Renegade: How Harbinger Stole Christmas
 
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