The Hangover

[A Curious Stranger]

A while back there was an awesome pic like so.

And there was talk of people needing a fic. Well you know what? I just came back from the movie and bam, there you go. Progress on Adrift in Time is going slow because the scenes are a bit more angsty and difficult that I expected so in the meantime have this.

---

Natasha Romanoff, world class spy and saboteur stared at her phone. She looked at the buzzing smartphone for a few seconds before flicking an eye to the side. Her boss, leader of the worldÔÇÖs premier defense organization gave a curt nod of approval before she picked it up.

ÔÇ£Hello?ÔÇØ

ÔÇØHey Natasha wow. Um, yeah itÔÇÖs Tony,ÔÇØ came the voice of billionaire Tony Stark also famously known as Iron Man.

ÔÇ£Tony, where the hell are you and where did you take my fianc?®e?ÔÇØ Natasha whispered. Behind her, a half-dozen trained SHIELD agents winced. They knew that tone. Natasha Romanoff, aka Black Widow was about three seconds away from beating the living daylights of whatever was in front of her.

ÔÇ£Yeah listen, uh, we fucked up.ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£What?ÔÇØ

The party, you know it, well umm

ÔÇ£What?ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£We lost Clint,ÔÇØ came TonyÔÇÖs voice. He sounded surprisingly sincere.

Were getting married in five hours. Im activating your subcutaneous tracers now. The Colonels given me permission and what? You cant find them? One of them is talking to me right now! Natasha bit out.

ÔÇ£Yyyyyeah, FYI I left a backdoor to your systems and turned it on last night. We wanted to have a proper boyÔÇÖs night out and figured that hey, having spy sats on us the whole time is creepy.ÔÇØ Tony paused for a few seconds before slowly hissing ÔÇ£Kinda backfired on us I admit. WeÔÇÖre gonna need new trackers and you need better security. Tell baldy I can give him a discount if he wants.ÔÇØ

Natasha almost dropped the phone before she slumped into a nearby chair. ÔÇ£Tony, Clint and I are getting married. Bring him here.ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£ThatÔÇÖs not going to happen. Wait just a- what? Loki! Loki shut up! IÔÇÖm on the phone!ÔÇØ

Every man and woman in earshot tensed and leaned in to better listen on into the phone call.

ÔÇ£Did you just say-ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£Gotta go babe. Bye!ÔÇØ

---

A Curious Stranger presents: The Hangover

---

ÔÇ£Clint Barton my friend! I am honored to be by your side before your glorious wedding! It will be a wonderful day, and rest assured there will be songs sung in Asgard once I return to the AllfatherÔÇÖs side,ÔÇØ Thor, God of Thunder, shouted before thumping ClintÔÇÖs back.

The SHIELD agent winced at the sharp blow before gritting his teeth and saying the usual greetings. Thor was an unexpected guest to be sure, but once the Asgardian had landed in front of SHIELD headquarters with bags of wedding gifts in one hand and more importantly, Mjornir in the other it was hard to refuse. Thor had waved off explanations about his arrival by claiming that some Byfrost or whatever had been repaired by the Tesseract he and the other Avengers had recovered from Loki after the battle in New York. Thor had even shown Tony a small amulet with a gem that glowed a familiar blue, saying it would be a quick way for him to go between realms without having to rely on the whims of some other god named Heimdall.

Tony had of course begged, though he would never phrase it in such terms, to see it. Apparently he had some extradimension spatial howdoyoudos planned out that needed the help of the TesseractÔÇÖs energy. Thor declined. Tony asked again. Thor declined more forcefully. Tony shut up.

Steve Rogers but better known to the public as Captain America had looked at the proceedings like it was a museum display before Thor acknowledged the CaptainÔÇÖs presence and the two shared a warriorÔÇÖs embrace. It was kind of gay according to Tony before he shredded his own words by invoking Bro code and saying bro hugs were not gay at all.

As his groomsmen mingled amongst themselves, Colonel Nick Fury, the man who would be giving away Natasha a few days later took him aside.

Clint, youre marrying a fine woman. You guys deserve each other. I know I havent been able to give you as much time off as you deserve so the Colonel trailed off before handing Clint a card. SHIELDs given you a hefty expense account. Starks told me if you overcharge hell cover whatever you run up. Now, I wouldnt mind one bit if that daddys boy ends up with a bill big enough even that inflated head has to notice.

ÔÇ£Vegas is a crazy city Clint. YouÔÇÖve been there before but never for fun like this. Just remember, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£Of course Director.ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£Except for VD of course. That stays with you. SHIELD medifacilities will get you back on your feet though, so donÔÇÖt worry too much. Oh, and one more thing. I know itÔÇÖs unfair to ask you considering the partyÔÇÖs made for you but try to make sure the others donÔÇÖt get too crazy? At least make sure they donÔÇÖt cause an international incident. You and Tony are the ones most adapted to our times and letÔÇÖs face it. Stark isnÔÇÖt exactly the guy to stay calm in Vegas.ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£Not a problem.ÔÇØ

---

ÔÇ£Welcome to Air Stark/Stark Air/Starkers or whatever it is you want to call it Gentlemen, this is your captain speaking to inform you that we are landing in a few minutes so unpack your crap and letÔÇÖs head out.ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£I still donÔÇÖt understand why weÔÇÖre not flying all the way to the city,ÔÇØ Steve wondered.

ÔÇ£Come on Steve, and let the chance for a nice road trip go by? Hell no. We are riding in style my friend. Yo Barton! You drive my baby. I promise not to be a backseat driver,ÔÇØ Tony promised before tossing Clint a set of keys as he began the landing sequence of his private jet.

After landing, Tony led the way to a classic jaguar (painted red and yellow of course) that had curves so sharp Clint felt like heÔÇÖd cut himself just by touching the thing.

ÔÇ£ThatÔÇÖs beautiful,ÔÇØ he and Steve both swore.

ÔÇ£Meh,ÔÇØ declared Thor.

The other three men simultaneously shot Thor a dirty look before continuing to admire the car.

Coming close to Las Vegas city limits, the superhero team had to stop for gas. Luxury cars werenÔÇÖt exactly a rarity this close to Vegas, but the Jaguar still drew the eyes of every male in the lot. Thor declined when asked if he wanted to go inside to buy snacks saying he couldnÔÇÖt leave his packages alone.

While Thor stared at the Nevada wastes, the other three heroes looked to each other worriedly.

ÔÇ£Do you guys even want to know whatÔÇÖs in there?ÔÇØ Steve asked.

ÔÇ£Not really, figures it doesnÔÇÖt really matter. Advanced alien, advanced cosmology. Probably nothing too important.ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£IÔÇÖm just hoping Thor wonÔÇÖt make trouble. HeÔÇÖs a nice enough guy but heÔÇÖs not exactly used to earth life.ÔÇØ

Steve shrugged. ÔÇ£WeÔÇÖll make the best of it then.ÔÇØ

---

The group checked into the LuxorÔÇÖs luxury suites and all stopped once they reached their room.

ÔÇ£This is step up for a poor street kid from the Bronx,ÔÇØ Steve whistled.

ÔÇ£YouÔÇÖre telling me,ÔÇØ Clint said. HeÔÇÖd seen his share of luxury during infiltrations but heÔÇÖd never had the chance to enjoy it like this. To think his bachelor party would be so nice was almost unthinkable.

ÔÇ£Luxurious indeed,ÔÇØ admitted Thor. As Prince of Asgard heÔÇÖd had more than his fair share of riches but Midgard certainly took opulence to new extremes.

ÔÇ£Wow, this is a terrible wet bar. I have better ones in my apartments, my shitty ones I mean. Obviously not my penthouses.ÔÇØ Three guesses who that was.

Everyone set their bags down where there was room before Tony declared it was time for the night to begin after he checked his customized Tag Heuer (Rolexes were so last year) watch. At his urging the normally costumed group of heroes went up to enjoy the brisk breeze at the rooftop of the Luxor and the sight of the Strip lighting up for the night.

Tony the resident alcoholic started the night by breaking out a six pack of Rochefort 10, reasoning that if they had to start with beer of all things, it might as well be the best money could buy. The group of men chatted between gulps, each catching up to each other before the talk inevitably turned to relationships and ClintÔÇÖs marriage.

ÔÇ£Natasha tells me youÔÇÖve got a little thing going on with Agent Sharon,ÔÇØ Clint teased, watching in delight as the supersoldierÔÇÖs face flushed crimson.

ÔÇ£Oh ho! ThatÔÇÖs something I have to know. Come on, tell us about her Stevie.ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£Indeed my friend. How does she look? Would you describe her locks as lovelier than spun gold? Or perhaps like ebony silk?ÔÇØ

ÔÇØThor that is the corniest thing IÔÇÖve ever heard. Please do me a favor and donÔÇÖt speak for the rest of the night.ÔÇØ

Surrounded by his friends continually ribbing him on, Steve could only wave them off by downing the rest of his beer hoping to buy time. When his friends persisted he shyly admitted that he admired the SHIELD agent, but hadnÔÇÖt done so much as had a coffee with her.

Tony tried to share some tips to get the woman into SteveÔÇÖs bed. When the CaptainÔÇÖs face grew an even deeper tomato red, Tony tried to justify himself by saying that while his dating experiences were terrible, he was a master of one night stands. The kind that never left heartbreak according to TonyÔÇÖs own words.

Thor surprisingly had much the same advice but near the end, his craggy visage softened slightly as he talked about the tiny Jane Foster.

Clint was the only one who didnÔÇÖt say anything. Content to sit back and sip his beer. After coming to an unheard consensus, everyone then turned their attentions on the archer, showering him with congratulations theyÔÇÖd already said earlier in the day.

When Tony pointed out that it was unlikely that Steve would get drunk enough to say anything incriminating about Sharon after speaking to Clint, Thor suddenly jumped up to reach into his duffel bag.

ÔÇ£What you got in there big guy?ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£A reminder Starksson. I was not aware the good Captain was unlikely to become intoxicated, however I was well aware that your brews would not do much against my constitution. As such, I bring you mead from Asgard! Taste the brew of the gods my friends. And may we all enjoy this night. And you Clint! May your marriage stay strong forevermore.ÔÇØ

Tony had never had a godÔÇÖs brew despite his eclectic collection and was eager to try it out. At Tony and ThorÔÇÖs urgings, the two other men waited for their drinks. Thor had even brought glasses from Asgard, claiming that the glasses of man could never hope to truly capture AsgardÔÇÖs grace. After filling their cups to the brim, all four heroes stood up for a toast.

ÔÇ£To Clint and Natasha. The Hawk and the Black Widow. May tonight be the smallest of setbacks in an otherwise long marriage!ÔÇØ

The men chugged and simultaneously wiped their chins clean.

ÔÇ£Whoo!ÔÇØ Tony breathed. ÔÇ£Damn good! Thor, you have to bring some for me next time you hop on over here.ÔÇØ

TonyÔÇÖs trained tolerance along with Thor and SteveÔÇÖs bodies left the three with a slight buzz, but it was clear that Clint was blown away by the potency of the mead. Thor chuckled before refilling everyoneÔÇÖs glasses.

Before they could start drinking, it was Thor who stopped them all.

ÔÇ£Everyone. I know that perhaps we do not know one another as well as we would like, even with our shared experiences. However, it is my fondest wish that we should bond tonight. Therefore!ÔÇØ Thor shouted before flourishing a gilded knife that looked like it could gut a whale in a single cut, ÔÇ£I have decided to make a blood oath with you all!ÔÇØ

The three other men stepped back, Tony noticeably doing it a bit more carefully than the others so that he would not spill a single drop of his drink. The three shared nervous glances at each other before Thor continued.

ÔÇ£Though by fighting Loki, I believe I have lost a brother, I have yet gained three more. Four and a sister in fact though they are not here at the moment! With the mingling of our bloods, we will be brothers until death. Will you join me?ÔÇØ Thor asked expectantly as he sliced a deep groove into his right palm.

Tony and Steve shared a look but Clint surprisingly took initiative before taking the knife and cutting open his own palm.

ÔÇ£Brothers.ÔÇØ

Steve and Tony stepped forward. ÔÇ£Brothers.ÔÇØ

They clasped hands and began to chug again.

---

Tony woke up with a groan. Christ, that ranked in the top ten of ÔÇÿWorst Benders of Tony Stark.ÔÇÖ He blinked before taking a look at himself. He had on his Armani boxers, but besides that he was nude. And there was a distinctive lack of attractive women around him.

That was downright strange. Tony Stark did not strip in bed unless there were women involved. Lets see now, the last thing he could remember was he and his buds making some kind of blood oath and oh no. Please tell me he didnt get wasted and get into some strange alien orgy with his friends.

He took a deep sniff. Okay so there was a little Jagermeister, some rum. Vodka, that was there for sure. Whiskey, probably Blue Label, some of Thors weird shit but no sex as far as he could tell. Thank God for small favors. With that question settled he was tempted to just lie back down on his whatever he was lying on and go back to sleep before he realized just what condition the room was in. Plaster had been ripped from the walls. There were scorch marks all over the floor. Feathery things he had no name for littered the carpet. He couldnt even see his friends. God, fuck that he needed a piss.

Tony forced his way up before stumbling to the bathroom. It took a little work but he was reasonably sure he was standing upright as he aimed at the porcelain god before letting loose. He glanced to his right for a moment, cocked his head, then turned back to the toilet.

Then he realized just what heÔÇÖd seen.

This time, he turned his whole attention to the creature next to him, inadvertently peeing on the thing as well.

It resembled a dog. Only not. There was in fact, a surplus of head. Instead of the normal one every other dog had, this one had two. And it had a tail that looked like the rear end of a snake. Also, it was gnawing on what looked like the remnants of an albino tiger.

What. The. Fuck.

The not-dog turned its head at the irritation currently being sprinkled onto its meal.

Tony turned and ran, slamming the door behind him.

What.

The.

Fuck!?

---

 

[A Curious Stranger]

Tony scrambled to find Thor, the one most likely to know what weird mutant had popped up. He was pretty sure human science wasnÆt up to splicing animal genes like that. Finding the Norse GodÆs prone form, he did the only thing he could.

He kicked him.

ôFfffuuu-ö Tony started as he hopped on one foot. HeÆd forgotten just how tough the Asgardian was. Once the pain abated to reasonable levels and incidentally cleared his head somewhat, he crouched down and grabbed hold of ThorÆs nose. He pinched them shut, grunting with effort. Jesus what the hell were Asgardians made of? Tony wasnÆt exactly a weakling himself, but just trying to pinch shut the manÆs nostrils was taking him everything he had.

Finally Thor grunted before idly batting TonyÆs body aside. The Starkson crumpled like a ragdoll while Thor shook himself awake.

ôThor,ö Tony wheezed. ôThor!ö

ôWhat is it Tony? What ails you? Why am I trouserless?ö

ôThor just shut up and go to the bathroom. There is some weird, freaky thing there and I have no idea what it is. IÆll wake up Clint and Steve while you do that.ö

ôI am unsure as to what you mean my friend, but very well.ö

Thor gently turned the bathroom doorknob and walked in before backing out. ôAn Orthrus! A fine beast indeed. How did it get here?ö

ôYou know what it is?ö

ôA rare breed of canine. I havenÆt seen much of them in quite a while. Asgard does not have a beast like this. Have you never seen one before?ö

ôNo, I have never heard of a goddamned dog that kills and eats tigers. Oh shit, did you kill that tiger Thor?ö

ôIs that what the white carcass is called? I-I am not certainàö

ôOh fuck. I donÆt care about the room, IÆve wrecked plenty of them before but if people find out we killed an albino tiger and let some mutant dog eat it, oh God, PETA is going to be all over my ass for years.ö Tony moaned.

From the bedroom right next to the kitchen, the tired form of Steve Rogers stumbled in. He made it a few steps before collapsing on a couch and curling up into fetal position. ôI donÆt think IÆve drank this much my entire life. Even the Commandos would have been knocked out after how much we had.ö

Thor was the first to walk over to Steve. He turned the soldierÆs body to face him before wincing.

ôSomething wrong?ö Steve slurred.

Tony burst into laughter. ôYouÆre missing a tooth.ö

Steve probed his mouth with a tongue and widened his eyes in horror.

Tony held up a hand to suppress anything Steve might have to say by explaining that SHIELD would be able to regenerate the lost tooth with ease and to man up like the World War 2 veteran he was.

And that of course was when the linen closet began to thump. SteveÆs hangover immediately burnt out of his system and he got into a fighting stance. Tony shot Steve a disgusted look, shoved Thor out of his way and opened the door. There was a baby.

ôThatÆs a baby,ö Steve said.

ôThanks Captain Obvious,ö snapped Tony before taking a closer look. That actually wasnÆt quite right. The full head of hair indicated a toddler at the very leastà He should probably remove the gag first though. Christ, what the fuck did they do to gag a kid? Tony guessed he could add Child Abuse to the list of crimes heÆd apparently committed last night.

He untied the cotton handkerchief blocking the childÆs mouth before instantly regretting it.

ôFinally you pathetic wretches discover me. Now untie me and release me from this humiliation.ö

ôDid the little kid just talk down to us?ö Tony asked the others, not sure if he was still drunk or not.

ôI-I think so,ö Steve answered. ôA bit young to talk like that though isnÆt he? Or did that change too while I was frozen?ö

Thor got on his knees and extended his head to the child. He craned his face this way and that as though he were checking the boy for minute flaws only he could see.

ôàLoki?ö

Steve rubbed his eyes while Tony just let out a wordless scream.

Thor looked thunderstruck. ôHow is it you are here? In this form no less? I can sense none of the magicks you normally wield. Mother and Father banished you from Asgard until you would be deemed worthy! You were to travel the realms excepting Midgard.ö

The child Thor claimed to be Loki gave a sneer that might have intimidated a hardened marine had it come from a fully grown god. Instead, this just made the child look adorable.

Steve nearly whimpered. ôPlease tell me this isnÆt going to get any worse.ö

LokiÆs sneer began to abate as his head rang. He could not remember much of the nightÆs events, but he knew that the idiots in front of him, his brother included, had force fed him alcohol, claiming it was an ancient remedy for maladies of all kinds. As such, he too was suffering from a hangover. Despite his stature, divine blood was enough to keep away death from intoxication at this point. That said, it wasnÆt enough to keep the room from spinning around him as Thor gently lifted his puny frame and held him so that Thor had a firm grasp of his back and buttocks while his face was turned to the gaping mortals his brother spent time with.

ôWow. I guess even little tyrants with delusions of grandeur are cute when-ö Tony never got to finish the sentence as Loki vomited all over his siblingÆs back and splattered noxious spew on the clothes of the incompetents.

The toddler might not have been able to conjure a decent sneer but looking smug was no problem at all.

None of the men really wanted to risk fighting a mythological beast including their own god who claimed such things were an ill omen he did not want to risk. As such, the entire group was forced to use the wet barÆs sink to clean themselves up. W

ôWhere the hell is Clint?ö Tony wondered out loud, waiting for Cap to finish cleaning his chin and chest.

ôCanÆt we just call him?ö Steve asked. HeÆd adapted surprisingly well to modern day though the more complex depths of the internet still eluded him. The old solider turned out to be something of a geek and had embraced the cell phone culture of today. ClintÆs cell number was on speed-dial and Steve began the call almost instantly.

ôGoing right to message.ö

ôHuh. Well then he might just be downstairs grabbing breakfast or something. LetÆs go.ö

The trio nodded and each finished buttoning up their shirts, made sure they looked somewhat decent, and then headed off.

ôWhoa whoa, where are you taking him?ö Tony asked.

ôHeÆs my brother. HeÆs coming with me,ö Thor explained as he struggled to fit a baby carrier around his torso.

ôHeÆs a murderer.ö

ôHeÆs my brother.ö

ôHe almost killed you. He almost killed me!ö

ôHe is currently powerless Son of Howard,ö Thor said, Mjornir flying to his right hand. ôAnd I refuse to let him remain in this room so feeble when an Orthrus skulks about.ö

Tony backed off, raising his hands in the air to show loss before muttering ôThis is going to backfire on us. I just know it.ö

ôWait, whatÆs an Orthus?ö Steve asked.

ôOrthrus,ö Thor corrected. ôA most ferocious beast. A two headed dog with a tail resembling a serpent. To hunt such a foe would bring honor on any Asgardian to succeed and bring back its pelt. I believe many have died attempting to win such acclaim.ö

Tony and Steve both stared at Thor as he moved Loki so that the carrier straps would not cut into his neck and arms so badly.

ôI refuse to leave here knowing something so dangerous is around innocentsö Steve clipped, his eyes going icy.

ôB-but Steve,ö Thor protested, ôTo kill such a beast would deprive Midgard of an amazing creature. Imagine the delight it would bring to your hunters and sportsmen!ö

ôThor, you just said Asgardians die all the time trying to kill things like that. What makes you think any of these people here would do any better?ö

ô-Iö

ôThor. Get rid of it. Now.ö

Thor flew into action as he released the straps that held Loki close before hurling his brother at Tony. Barely sparing a glance to see if Tony would not drop his sibling, he ran into the bathroom Mjornir held high.

ôBeast! I regret this moment and I apologize, but know that I have been given my orders.ö

A roar that could be heard even through the soundproof walls of the Luxor penthouses echoed. The suite shook, causing the stomachs of the two mortal heroes present to flip-flop around. Loki had the audacity to look bored.

The sounds of an epic battle, one worthy enough to have its own battle song, rang through the privies of a Midgard hotel. It was soon interrupted by one of Luxor staff. All staff members privileged to even go to the upper floors had a key to unlock any door. The careless young man opened the door and began to apologize before heÆd fully entered the room.

ôIÆm sorry sirs, but the management is insisting that youàö The man trailed off at the sight of the devastated room.

Tony took charge of the situation, getting as close to the valet as he dared, trying to block the manÆs vision from the room. ôHey umà I know this looks bad, but donÆt worry. IÆll pay for everything. In the meantime just, uh, take this.ö

Tony stuck a small stack of one hundred dollar bills into the manÆs breast pocket just as Thor exited the bathroom.

ôIt is done my friends and-oh! We have a guest,ö Thor noted as he wiped off blood from his brow before carefully beginning to pick out various bits of guts and offal from his clothes. ôShowerÆs free. IÆll be using it in a few moments though. I claim first rights as the one to slay the beast.ö

ôWhat the fu-ö started the valet before Tony cut in.

ôSorry about the mess, take this and donÆt come back. Please,ö Tony begged before shoving a far larger wad of money into the manÆs hands and pushing the man out of the room.

As the door slammed shut Loki spoke up. ôThat was the most unsubtle bit of bribery IÆve seen in decades.ö

Tony looked at the kid in his hands before slapping his head. Thor and surprisingly Steve both protested.

ôTony heÆs just a kid!ö

Tony looked at his friend like he was insane. ôHeÆs a mass murderer who wanted to conquer the world and have people kneel to him like he was a king.ö

Steve hesitated. Tony had a point. Seeing bullies get a taste of their own medicine was something Steve normally had no problems with, but hitting kids, even Loki of all people didnÆt sit well on SteveÆs stomach. ôWellà itÆs not really right,ö Steve finished lamely.

ôWhatever, letÆs just clean up and go downstairs for breakfast. At least Clint didnÆt walk in just now. That would have been awkward.ö

---

A little while later, Tony and Steve both sat down to a steaming plate of steak and eggs, nursing a milk and coffee respectively. Tony of course sat down with a glass of cognac and toyed with a plate of dried dates.

ôYou really want to keep drinking after last night?ö Steve asked.

ôThe cure to hangovers is more drinks,ö Tony answered smoothly before taking an exaggerated gulp of his brandy.

Steve shrugged, too tired from last night to argue the point. Instead, he focused his attentions on Thor attempting to feed his brother some eggs. It wasnÆt exactly going very well what with Loki trying to bite off his siblingsÆ fingers every time they came close. He was distracted when the Hotel Valet Tony had paid to search for Clint came back with no results.

ôAlright so ClintÆs the man of the hour right now and we need to find his sorry ass. Any ideas?ö Tony asked.

Steve and Tony both shrugged while Loki tried to look bored.

Tony snapped his fingers. ôAlright, then whatÆs the last thing you guys remember doing?ö

ôDrinking,Æ both the others said.

ôOkay, I can understand where Steve sort of comes from, but what about you Thor? DonÆt you take that stuff everyday?ö

Thor shrugged. ôThis was a special vintage.ö

The way Thor said that made SteveÆs heart sink. ôSpecial how?ö

Thor gave that luminescent grin the way only he could. ôIt was a joint venture by the Greeks some years back. Over a thousand years ago by your count. This particular batch had a hint of the river Lethe. One of the AllfatherÆs most special brew. I think your people would call it ætop shelf.Æö

Tony checked Wikipedia on his phone before punching Thor in the arm.

ôWhat was that for?ö Steve asked. Surprisingly, it was Loki who answered.

ôWhat my buffoon of a brother means is that your mead last night was spiked with the essence of a river that brings forgetfulness to all those who take sustenance from it. In other words, by drinking whatever it was Thor offered you, your memories of your night previous are forfeit.ö

Loki stopped his explanation to look up and glare at his brother. ôOf course, since I also drank from it and considering my current status, I have not only forgotten last night but so much more. Last I recall I was in Alfheimr and I know for a fact that was months ago.ö

Tony threw down his napkin in disgust. ôGreat, so thanks to the Mighty Fuckup over there weÆre completely lost.ö

Steve tried to console the others. ôRelax guys, even if we canÆt remember where we went I still remember our plans from last night.ö

Loki laughed in SteveÆs face. ôDo you really think that as drunk as you were, you might have done anything you planned for?ö

Tony glared at Loki before signaling to Thor he wanted to hold the toddler. Confused but not worried, Thor gently handed Tony his brother once again. Tony looked into LokiÆs eyes before giving his infamous smirk.

ôHow cute Douchey!ö He said loudly, catching the attentions of nearby diners. ôLook at you pawing yourself. Getting a head start to your teenage years I see,ö Tony said as he moved LokiÆs weak arms around.

ôWh-what are you-?ö

Loki blushed as everyone in earshot stared at his form trying to decide between furious and embarrassed as Tony moved his arms so that he looked like he was masturbating.

ôIÆm sorry, but I donÆt really think youÆre calling your child an appropriate name,ö said a blonde bombshell whoÆd worked up the courage to walk over to TonyÆs table. Tony already had her pegged as some blue-blooded, socially isolated woman before answering.

ôNah its fine. ItÆs just a nickname is all. ItÆs short for Dushan.ö

The woman hesitated, fairly sure that sort of logic had missed a few steps somewhere before going back to her table. It was Vegas, not exactly her problem.

ôI hate you,ö Loki hissed.

ôYeah, because youÆre only the first person to ever tell me that.ö Tony brushed off.

ôWhen I return to my full power I will destroy you. Huginn and Muninn will eat your eyes raw. Fenrir will smash and grind your bones against his jaws before tearing you to shreds. Jormungandr will devour whatever remains, slowly killing you with his poisons. I will make sure you feel every nugget of agony and-ow!ö

Loki rubbed his forehead, biting back tears.

Tony flicked his fingers mockingly before bringing them closer to LokiÆs face. He grinned as the pint-sized supervillain flinched. Thor took back Loki with a scowl on his face while Steve had buried his face in his hands. It was hard to tell if he was laughing or crying.

Thor and Tony waited a few moments while Steve composed himself.

ôOkay. IÆm good. Anyway, um, what was I saying? Right, last nightsÆ schedule. ItÆs worth a shot. We were planning on going to a few other casinos besides just the Luxor werenÆt we Tony? You planned the thing.ö

Tony pinched his brow trying to remember. ôYeah besides the Luxor I know we wanted to hit up CaesarÆs Palace, Bellagio, the Venitian and the Palazzo, uhmà a few others I canÆt remember. TheyÆll come to me in time.ö

Steve finished his breakfast and wiped off his chin. ôAt least we have a starting point then. LetÆs go grab the car and move.ö

Thor nodded in approval while Tony called Jarvis, asking the AI to watch any of the cameras around the Strip to look for Clint. ôJust donÆt tell Fury. I really donÆt want him to know,ö Tony finished.

ôOf course sir.ö

---

Tony gaped as æhis car,Æ was brought out to him. Steve had to catch the keys while TonyÆs lips opened and shut like a goldfish.

ôYour car Mr. Stark,ö the parking valet said politely before moving out.

ôThatÆs not my car. ThatÆs not my goddamn car! What the fuck is this!ö

ôTony, breathe. Come on.ö

ôIndeed Starkson. Besides, is this not a good vehicle as well?ö Thor asked as he opened the door to the Maybach.

ôItÆs not my goddamn car is the problem!ö Tony fumed.

ôHey, itÆs another hint. Come on letÆs check the plates. It might give us a clue,ö Steve said, trying to get Tony back on track. ôI just hope we didnÆt steal it.ö

Tony looked at his phone then worked the touchpad for a few seconds. ôAlright, I got the address letÆs go.ö

He slowed and looked as Thor tried to get in, but unused to riding in cars especially with a passenger, the god ended up slamming Loki into the car roof as he tried to get it.

ôYou oaf!ö Loki howled amidst ThorÆs apologies.

ôYou deserve it.ö Tony said glibly, cupping one hand over his mouth.

---

More to come

Anyway, those of you who can't really read this, the completed FFnet copy should come up clear. It'll be posted as a oneshot there. I'll tell you when I finish it.

 

[A Curious Stranger]

The ride to wherever the owner of the Maybach lived was surprisingly quiet. Each man kept their thoughts to themselves, only hoping they would find their friend, pay off whatever damages they caused, and leave before nightfall. Even though they still had until tomorrow afternoon to get to the wedding, the sooner they left Sin City, the better.

The men arrived at a luxurious mansion near the city limits. The three adults shared a resigned look while Loki struggled to get comfortable in his baby carrier. Tony, as the driver, was the one to reach the intercom in front of the iron gates.

ôState your business,ö came a flat voice.

ôYeah hi, umà I know this is going to sound a little strange, buuut you have to bear with me for a sec. Okay? So, um, my friends and I, I donÆt know if you can see them or not with your cameras, but theyÆre here, woke up this morning with a really, really bad hangover. WeÆre trying to find our friend. Really scowly kind of guy. Brownish-blondish hair. When we tried to get our car from the hotel they sent this to us. Your car. You uh, you wouldnÆt happen to have my car would you? And my friend of course.ö

The line remained silent until with a buzz, the wrought iron gates opened.

ôFantastic,ö Tony said as he turned to the others. ôThis is going so well right now. All we have to do is go in and out. No problems.ö

The driveway led to an entranceway where at least twenty men in dark business suits could be seen. The men were lined up in two rows of ten, making an obvious path to a doorway. The group guessed this was their stop.

The three men and one toddler got out of the car and started to make their way in when-

ôWelcome back Boss!ö

Every man there bowed deeply at the waist.

One could have heard a pin drop.

ôDid we just walk into the Twilight Zone?ö Tony muttered.

ôWhat/WhatÆs that?ö the other two asked.

Tony resisted the urge to facepalm before brushing it off.

ôNo really, what is that?ö Steve asked.

ôTV show. Pretty great stuff. New ones sucked though,ö Tony said tersely.

None of the suited men moved an inch until the Avengers plus one walked into the doorway. One thug drove the Maybach to places unknown while others took various places around the mansion. It was clear by the bulges at their waists that each man carried guns.

ôTony-ö Steve began before the man in question cut him off.

ôSteve, I am just as lost as you right now so please, just zip it. This could all be a great mistake.ö

A heavily scarred figure dressed in a noticeably nicer suit bowed to the group as they entered before jerking his head to the side. He started to walk away. The heroes took the cue whispering to each other all the while.

ôTony, Steve, please explain to me what is going on?ö

ôWell Thor, IÆm not quite sure, but I think we might have fought the mafia last night.ö Steve glanced at Tony. ôYou guys havenÆt cleaned all this up by now?ö

ôYes well, crime is like cancer. ItÆs really hard to get rid of once it makes its way in. And IÆm pretty sure we didnÆt just fight them, I think we might have conquered them. Or did you not notice all those guys back there bowing and scraping?ö Tony asked as he jerked a thumb back.

ôThere had to be more to it than that,ö Steve protested.

ôWill anyone explain what a mafia is?ö Thor asked, clearly annoyed at being left out of the conversation.

ôIn a word, bad guys.ö

ôBut thatÆs two.ö

ôJust- all you need to know is these guys are criminals.ö

ôWhat the drunkard is trying to tell you,ö Loki lazily began, ôis that these men are thugs vying for the scraps of power left to humans at their underbelly. The cutthroats, the murderers. Handy lot of people. Honestly brother, you spent weeks in Midgard. I had four days. How can you be so ignorant?ö

ôIf these men are indeed criminals, should we not fight them and turn them into justice?ö

ôWait ætill after we get Clint back. I donÆt really think weÆre in danger anyway. WeÆve got you the bulletproof god and the good Captain over there.ö

ôWhere is your suit Tony?ö

ôLeft it in the trunk of the Jagà I think.ö

ôTony, that is completely irresponsible of you.ö

ôRelax, the suit wonÆt pop open without my say-so. Anyone tries and all they get is a pile of slag.ö

ôEven soàö

The men continued to argue for a few moments longer until their guide reached a door. He knocked then opened the door after a few seconds.

ôBoss Fix-, no I suppose itÆs Lieutenant Fixit will see you now.ö

ôFixit? Is that a craftsman of sorts?ö

ôDumb name, really stupid as a matter of fact. This guy canÆt be much of- heyo!ö

Lieutenant Fixit it turned out, was a giant of a man, a solid three inches taller than Thor, who stood 6Æ 4ö. The man stood up behind his desk before signaling the others to find a seat. The room was obviously an office, lavishly decorated with Tunisian, faded leather seats and couches, elaborate desksà everything needed to say the owner of the room was a man of serious dough.

Everyone was obviously uncomfortable at sitting down before the man, so they all chose a couch with as much distance between them and the man as possible. It was to no avail however, when the man dragged a chair in front of them and sat down. The fact that the wood and leather seat did not crumple beneath his weight spoke of reinforcement and customization.

Lieutenant Fixit had deep green eyes, short-cropped hair, and a body even Schwarzenegger would have envied in his prime. Every time the man made a movement, his muscles could be seen bulging beneath his obviously tailored gray suit. Everything about the man was gray as a matter of fact. Tony could have sworn that the lighting in the room made the man look much like a dusty statue.

ôBoss,ö the man rumbled with a voice that sounded like a gravel pit, ôI didnÆt expect to see you so soon.ö

The three men shared nervous glances at each other before Steve cleared his throat.

ôJust um, making sure, when you say bossà which one of us are you talking about?ö

Fixit gave a puzzled cough. ôWhy you of course Captain Rogers.ö

ôExcuse me one moment,ö Steve smiled before leaning into Tony.

ôTony, I was a gangbuster in the states before I got shipped off to Europe. I worked with police trying to catch smugglers! I canÆt be a crime boss!ö

ôRelax, IÆll do the talking.ö

ôPerfect timing though Boss. I just got the papers ready. I was going to send someone to collect you in a few hours.ö

Steve waited expectantly then noticed Tony was not talking. When he took a glance at his friend, the man merely shrugged before making a ægo aheadÆ gesture. Steve shot his betrayer a look of disgust and then turned back to his apparent underling.

ôWhat papers exactly?ö

ôThe deeds to our hotel of course. And the various other properties our family has. It was short notice to be sure, but in our line of business it pays to be ready.ö

ôY-youÆre giving me the hotel? Wait, no this is completely irrelevant. Look, all my friends and I want is to find a missing person. His name is Clint and he should have been with us last night. Have you seen him?ö

ôOf course. This was hours ago, but yes, I did. I saw all of you. I was very impressed with all of you.ö

ôWhat did we do?ö Steve asked, feeling his stomach sink.

ôYou were drunk. Very drunk. You assaulted one of my dealers at the casino claiming that he was cheating. You broke three of his ribs, and then you tried to make your way up to my office. I was already leaving by that time though. I had reached the garage with my bodyguards and then I was attacked. Not by you, but other men IÆd never seen before,ö Fixit frowned.

ôReally odd too. I donÆt think IÆd ever seen such odd uniforms. Yellow suits? What a world. Luckily for me and my men, you all intervened.ö

ôReally?ö

ôOh yes,ö Fixit started before he got up. He walked back to his desk and rummaged around for something before giving a slight cry of triumph. He came back with a cigar case and carefully lit one before offering one to Steve and the others. Nonplussed by the refusal, he tucked the case in his breast pocket before continuing the story.

ôYou learned from the chefs I believe, that I was on my way back here and ran into us just as a shootout was about to begin. Mr. Thor I believe his name is, he took a trash can and threw it at the shooters. You sir, grabbed a lid before tackling one of the men and started beating his face in. Mr. Stark was doing much the same. I wasnÆt exactly hiding myself though, in case you fear me a coward Boss. I worked my way up from a leg breaker you see. Had a few of those bastards crying for mommy when I got through with them. When it was all done Captain, you gave a very stirring speech about how we were oppressing the weak when we should be propping them up on our backs. How our crimes served only to make others hate us when they could love us. A few of my men were crying.ö

Fixit blew a few smoke rings as he leaned back in his chair and shut his eyelids, savoring the cigar. A few seconds later he opened his eyes before finishing.

ôAs soon as you finished, we all but rushed to pledge ourselves to your service. IÆve been working on revamping our organizational structure since I came back to the mansion and we parted ways.ö

ôYou know who I am right? And you just took me in as your boss just like that?ö Steve asked skeptically.

ôIt was quite a moving speech,ö Fixit dismissed. ôAnyway, weÆre looking to get out of the drug trade now. IÆve also already asked my men to reduce protection costs and the dealers to play more cleanly. The other less savory aspects will take some time to establish.ö

ôYou did all that just because of one speech?ö

ôIt was a very moving speech.ö

Tony leaned into Steve. ôIf this whole superhero gig doesnÆt work out, Stark Industries could always use a spokesman like you. If you can get hardened criminals to drop crime like you just did last night, I canÆt imagine what youÆll do to a bunch of cameras and journalists.ö

As Steve tried to reconcile his emotions with the fact that heÆd apparently become a mob boss, Thor asked the elephant in the room.

ôDo you know where our friend Clint is?ö

Fixit shrugged. ôLast I saw you were all on your way to a new casino. You didnÆt have your little hanger-on at the time though. You took one of my cars and tossed me your keys. YouÆd run out of gas. I suppose you were too drunk to even think about going to a gas station. We filled it back up by the way,ö he said as he handed the keys to Tony.

ôYou let us drive?ö

ôYou didnÆt really let us say no,ö Fixit explained with a shudder. The implications of that statement were enormous.

ôGreat, hey thanks for all your help Fixit,ö Tony started. ôYou know where my car is though?ö

ôGarage is at the rightmost wing.ö

Tony opened his mouth to thank him when an explosion rocked the compound. As one, the entire group got up to look out the window. The front gates were wrecked, and a series of cars had poured into the mansion grounds.

Fixit frowned, ôI donÆt think I recognize those men.ö

As each man got ready and started to move towards the compound, they could hear their enemyÆs demands.

ôWhere is Steve Rogers? Our Lady demands to see him now.ö

The spokesman for their enemy suddenly fell back, a round hole placed spouting from his forehead.

ôOver my dead body,ö growled Fixit as his men began to shoot at the trespassers. He turned back to Steve. ôBoss, you should get out of here. WeÆll hold them off.ö

Despite his vast experience with war, Steve couldnÆt help but gulp at the sight of Fixit. His already intimidating face had changed. The manÆs lips curled into a condescending sneer, his craggy voice grew even deeper, and the manÆs neatly pressed and tailored suit began to rip at the seams. Steve couldnÆt help but to be reminded of the Hulk.

ôSteve I donÆt know about you, but IÆm not really going to lose sleep over a bunch of mobsters getting killed. LetÆs get the hell out of here.ö

ôBut theyÆre looking for me! This could be hint to finding Clint. And we still canÆt leave these people alone.ö

ôAlright look, fine. WeÆll suit up then. LetÆs go to the car and let me grab my suit. WeÆll bust in at the same time, intimidate the crap out of them and then shake them down for info. Sound good?ö

As one, the trio of Avengers and one tag-along ran to the garage not even flinching at the sound of gunfire.

ôMy baby!ö Tony said at the sight of his car. It was thankfully in great condition. No real flaws to be seen. Obviously they hadnÆt gotten into a wreck. Thank God for small favors.

Tony unlocked the trunk and opened in before jumping back in shock.

ôHoly shit!ö

ôTony whatÆs the- oh crap.ö

A groggy Bruce Banner fell out of the trunk before rubbing his head, wincing at the pain. He looked up and immediately his face grew furious.

ôBruce, hey, uh, thisà this isnÆt exactly my fault. Umà how uh, how did you get in my trunk?ö

Tony choked as a massive green fist held him up in the air.

ôàNoàseriouslyàjustà calm down.ö

Tony was thrown aside, another luxury car softening the blow. Steve looked nervous without his shield. Thor? You could see the thrill on his face, which contrasted quite nicely with the horror present on LokiÆs.

With a howl, Thor launched himself at Hulk. Mjornir slammed into HulkÆs left cheek, sending the green hero down before he caught himself and threw a kick at Thor. The Asgardian remembered just in time that he had a passenger, and twisted his body so that the blow would not hit his brother. The strength behind it was still enough to thrown him back a few paces. The Hulk continued to growl as he slowly walked to Thor, distracted when a trash can lid bounced off his face.

Captain America grabbed another lid and continually pounded on the aluminum disc, trying to get his attention. ôTony, hurry up and get that damn suit on.ö

Tony choked as he felt his neck before stumbling to his car. The armor curled up around his body and the Iron Man HUD lit up just in time to see a green fist hurled at his face, Captain America having been easily forced back without his Vibranium shield. He staggered under the blow but recovered quickly enough to fire a few repulsor blasts at the Hulk.

ôIron Man, move the Hulk out of the garage and into open space.ö

ôOn it.ö

ôThor you simpleton just let me go. Do not fight that creature with me here. Thor? Thor!ö

Thor was hurled out of the brick wall, Hulk not far behind. At the sight of the fighting heroes, all shooting stopped. Hulk looked ready to continue fighting, but finding himself in sunlight stopped momentarily.

Captain America held a trash can lid to cover his body, Iron Man readied his repulsors, and Thor tried to look as intimidating as possible with a sick looking toddler strapped to his chest.

Hulk gave a snort before turning away. He looked back one last time as he flicked his fingers to say it wasnÆt over before he started to jump away, each leap taking him hundreds of feet.

Loki threw up again.

At the lull in gunfire, one of the attacking men sprinted up to the group of heroes, unintimidated by their stances.

ôOur Ladyà our Lady requests your presence Steve Rogers,ö the man panted.

ôWhoÆs this lady youÆre talking about?ö

The man looked puzzled. ôThe Lady is the Lady.ö

ôShould we follow him?ö

ôWhat? I donÆt know, I want to know what the hell Bruce was doing in my trunk.ö

ôThe Fixit was not able to give us a hint as to BartonÆs location. We have nothing to lose if we follow him.ö

ôIÆm keeping my suit on if we go. Steve, youÆre driving.ö

ôAre you going to fly above us?ö

ôFuck that, if the public sees us Fury is going to be all over our asses. IÆm just going to ride shotgun.ö

The man coughed. ôYou willà you will follow us?ö

ôTry anything and you and your buddies are in for a world of hurt,ö Iron Man said as he walked to his car.

Steve waved at the thugs who proclaimed themselves his underlings. ôEverythingÆs fine. DonÆt worry guys.ö

ôIf all you wished to do was retrieve Steve, why did you attack us with guns?ö Thor asked.

ôYou were seen in the presences of mobsters. It was deemed ah, prudent, to attack in force. We had hoped to go in and out quickly.ö

The three men shrugged and went back into the garage while the armed men got back in their cars.

Steve turned the ignition and slowly backed out.

ôSo how do you think he-ö

ôTony.ö

ôJust saying, itÆs not everyday you find a man in your trunk.ö

ôItÆs not everyday we wake up with mythical monsters, midget gods, and criminals at our feet,ö Steve snapped.

The drive this time was not so quiet. Loki had the most to say as he berated Thor about being so bloodthirsty. About forty minutes later, the men arrived at a nightclub. It obviously wasnÆt open just yet, but the doors opened anyway and the heroes were treated to the sight of workers mopping up the floors, cleaning tables, and the like.

More than a few of the servers shot them dirty looks.

They were led to an upper floor. The room opened to an empty bedroom. A nice bedroom it had to be said. Green and black seemed to be the most prevalent colors.

The men stood there awkwardly, waiting for whoever this æLadyÆ was. They did not wait long as another door opened and one of the most beautiful women theyÆd ever laid eyes on walked in.

She wore a black dress that barely covered her and a green cloak wrapped around her shoulders, with a hood that flared up to go over her head. She had on a strange pointed helmet with sharp edges and horns.

Loki and Thor exchanged horrified glances.

ôBy OdinÆs Beardàö

The woman gave a mocking smile. ôThor Odinson, Loki Laufeyson, Tony Stark.ö

Her face grew more gentle, her smile genuine as she stepped closer and leaned into SteveÆs body. She wrapped her arms around his waist before looking up into SteveÆs eyes. The time-displaced soldier was too shocked to protest.

ôAnd Steve Rogers. I rather missed you love,ö she said sultrily before devouring his lips with a fierce kiss.

---

This needs more work. I just got this out because it was almost done and I won't have time to work on this until tomorrow or Sunday.