The Meek Shall Inherit
A Keitaro-With-a-Spine Mockfic
By Legendary Legacy
Standard Disclaimer: Love Hina and its characters and settings are the property of Akamatsu Ken and whomever he may have sold the rights to.
Mockfic Disclaimer: Anyone who doesn't like the idea of me making fun of a stupid or overused Love Hina plot-point or cliche that they enjoy for whatever reason, I suggest saving yourselves a few minutes of your time and hitting the 'Back' button now. Don't say I didn't warn you. To everyone else: Enjoy. Or don't. Just don't blame me for it.
xxx
xxx
Keitaro was angry. No, scratch that. Keitaro was furious. Actually, even that wasn't strong enough to describe his mood. Urashima Keitaro was pissed off and he wasn't going to take it anymore!
Yeah, that works.
It wasn't really the fact that he'd been attacked by Motoko and Naru again. Or insulted and tormented by Sarah and Su again. Or teased mercilessly and had his money taken by Kitsune again. It was more the fact that it was the third time this week that all those things had happened!
And it was only Monday!
Keitaro was sick of being hit all the time. He was tired of never having any money. He was frustrated that nobody respected him. He was irritated about constantly being blamed for things that weren't his fault. He was depressed over still being a virgin.
That last one really had no bearing on his current situation, but it sucked nonetheless.
So as he sat there in his room, a broke, beaten, disrespected virgin, he came to a realization: The reason all these bad things kept happening to him was because he was too nice, too forgiving and too easy-going. Obviously, the only way that things were ever going to change for the better in his life, was if he stopped being a sissy little nice-guy, grew a spine and took charge around here. After all, he was a Man, and he owned this damn place! And like it or not, those evil, vindictive bitches were going to learn what happens when you push Urashima Keitaro past his limit!
...Tomorrow.
Yeah, being a Man tomorrow would fit a lot easier into his schedule. He did have stuff to do today, after all.
Tomorrow, though. He'd show those girls first thing tomorrow, for sure.
xxx
One week later...
Okay, today was definitely the day! The day when he would Man up and show those girls who was boss! He hadn't been emasculated by any of them for a few days now and he was feeling pumped! He was ready! Time to do this thing!
Properly psyched up, Keitaro set out to change things in the Hinata Sou. And he knew exactly where to begin.
His search didn't take long, finding his target wandering a hallway with an open booklet in hand. This was it, no backing out now. Time to show what Urashima Keitaro was truly made of!
"N-AR-u!" He cringed; of all the times for his voice to crack. Not a promising start. Clearing his throat, he tried again. "Naru!"
Naru looked up from her book. "Morning, Keitaro. Hey, have you finished the 18th century history section of this yet?"
Without even thinking about it, Keitaro lashed out and slapped the book from her hand, sending it sliding down the hallway. Naru stared after the book in disbelief, then turned back to Keitaro with a glare.
A sudden bout of regret hit him. "S-sorry, that was rude." He quickly jogged over and grabbed the book, handing it back to her when he returned. "Sorry, I... just wanted to get your attention, and I... sorry."
Naru glared a few seconds longer before relaxing. "So what was so important, then?"
Keitaro raised a hand, index finger extended upward, opened his mouth, and froze. He'd forgotten what he was going to say. Crap, and here he'd had a big fancy speech all planned out in his head!
"Well?" Naru prompted, growing impatient.
Oh well, he'd just have to go with his gut. "Look Naru, I've put up with a lot of abuse since coming here, especially from you, and it's going to stop today!"
Naru's eyebrows raised in incredulity. "Does that mean you're finally going to stop perving on us girls all the time so that I don't have to hit you anymore, or-"
"Furthermore!" he interrupted a bit louder than necessary. "As the landlord of this dorm, you should realize that I make the rules around here! And if your physical abuse were to continue, I could evict you, or worse!"
Naru looked like she couldn't decide if she should be feeling angry, insulted, concerned, or just amused. "Or worse?" she repeated.
"Yeah, or worse!"
"Like what, exactly?"
...She wasn't supposed to ask that! She was supposed to be so intimidated that she'd cower away and never dare to strike him again. "Like um... like... Like I could start hitting you back, that's what!"
Naru's jaw nearly unhinged. "Seriously?"
Keitaro felt nearly as shocked by his own sudden declaration as Naru did. But it was out there now, he couldn't really take it back. "Well, uh... yeah. Yeah. I mean, after all the times you've hit me, how would you like it if I started hitting you, too?"
"You're serious?" she asked again.
He nodded, feeling a bit more confident in himself. "Yes, I am."
"You're seriously threatening to hit me?"
"That's what I'm saying."
"...Seriously?"
"Stop asking that!" he demanded, growing frustrated. "Yes, I am seriously saying that I might seriously start hitting you if you don't seriously shape up and start treating me seriously better!" One too many 'seriously' in there, but he thought he'd made it work.
Naru's disbelieving stare continued as she gave her head a small shake. Then she giggled.
"Don't laugh!" he shouted.
"I'm... not laughing," she forced out through her continued giggle fit.
"Why aren't you taking me seriously?" he demanded, although to be honest, it sounded a bit more like a whine. "Do you think I won't do it?"
Naru took a deep breath to compose herself. "I don't know, Keitaro; will you?"
"Yes! That's what I keep saying, isn't it?"
"Okay, do it."
"...W-what?"
"Hit me."
His train of thought froze solid. "...Uh."
Naru folded her arms and cocked her head to the side, staring expectantly. "Well?"
"...R-right now?" he stammered.
"Yep, right now," she prompted further. "You said I deserve it after hitting you so much, right?"
"...Well, um..." Maybe he should have thought this out better. He was actually threatening to punch a girl. A girl he had a crush on, to boot! Sure, she'd hit him a good number of times in the past, but was returning violence with violence really the best solution? Not to mention that Naru didn't have his super-human durability and healing factor, which meant punching her could cause far more serious damage than it would to him. Maybe this whole 'Grow a Spine' thing was a bad idea...
No! He'd already come this far, hadn't he? He couldn't just give up now; Naru would probably never take him seriously again if he did. Besides, he was a Man! A Real Man! And by God, he was going to prove it by punching this young woman in the face, just like any Real Man would do!
"All right then. H-here I go!" So saying, he raised his clenched fist, preparing to swing it, only to stop dead as Naru burst into an even bigger fit of laughter.
"Okay, stop! Just... just stop!" she told him between gasps for air.
"What's so funny?" Keitaro demanded, his manhood taking another emotional blow.
Naru managed to catch her breath and stood back upright. "You've never thrown a punch before in your life, have you Keitaro?"
"How do- I mean, why do you say that?"
"Oh, where to start?" She slowly walked around him, drawing her eyes up and down him as she went. "Okay, first of all, your stance is awful. Your body's way too straight and rigid, which is going to keep you from getting any real momentum behind a punch. Your feet are too close together and not positioned properly, so even if you did get any force behind it you'd run the risk of stumbling or falling over completely. And look at how you're clenching your fist; you try to punch something like that and you're gonna break your hand."
It was times like this that Keitaro really wished he'd followed his adopted sister's path of studying the family Arts. If he had, he wouldn't be making such a fool of himself in front of the girl he was trying to intimidate. "Well then... what's the right way to do it?"
Sighing, she set her book down and moved around him again, this time shifting and repositioning his body until she felt he was in a more satisfactory stance. "Now loosen up, you're still too stiff," she instructed.
He did as he was told, relaxing, careful to keep his fist clenched like she'd shown him. "Is this better?"
"Yeah, not bad," she said with a nod. "Now try a few practice punches."
He did so, throwing a few punches and then looking to her for evaluation.
"You're still a little too tense," Naru informed him. "And you don't need to plant your feet so firmly. Remember: Punch with your body, not just your arm."
"Right." He threw a few more punches and Naru nodded in satisfaction.
"Not bad for a first-timer. Do a couple more."
He did so.
"Much better! Looks like you've got the hang of it." Keitaro beamed at the praise. "So, ready to try it out for real?"
"I think so."
"You think so?" she prompted.
"I'm ready," he reaffirmed.
"Last chance to back out."
"I'm ready!" he insisted.
"Then hit me!"
"Yeah!" And without further delay, he reared back and sent a powerful haymaker at Naru's face.
Except Naru ducked, and the next thing he knew, he was embedded up to his elbows in the ceiling. As he shook away the stars, he heard Naru call up to him.
"Maybe next time I'll teach you to dodge if you ever feel like trying this again."
"That would be great," he called back.
"Study group with Mutsumi tonight?"
"Okay. ...Um, could you maybe help me out of here?"
"Hm, I think I'll let you handle that yourself. You did just try to punch me, after all."
Hearing her walk off, he began the task of freeing himself. This definitely wasn't an auspicious start on his road to proving his Male Dominance.
xxx
xxx
And here I thought the old 'Keitaro & Motoko lose and are forced to marry' plotline had been done to death...
I had more in mind for this, but I don't know when I'll have time to write it. For now, at least, here's this.
A Keitaro-With-a-Spine Mockfic
By Legendary Legacy
Standard Disclaimer: Love Hina and its characters and settings are the property of Akamatsu Ken and whomever he may have sold the rights to.
Mockfic Disclaimer: Anyone who doesn't like the idea of me making fun of a stupid or overused Love Hina plot-point or cliche that they enjoy for whatever reason, I suggest saving yourselves a few minutes of your time and hitting the 'Back' button now. Don't say I didn't warn you. To everyone else: Enjoy. Or don't. Just don't blame me for it.
xxx
xxx
Keitaro was angry. No, scratch that. Keitaro was furious. Actually, even that wasn't strong enough to describe his mood. Urashima Keitaro was pissed off and he wasn't going to take it anymore!
Yeah, that works.
It wasn't really the fact that he'd been attacked by Motoko and Naru again. Or insulted and tormented by Sarah and Su again. Or teased mercilessly and had his money taken by Kitsune again. It was more the fact that it was the third time this week that all those things had happened!
And it was only Monday!
Keitaro was sick of being hit all the time. He was tired of never having any money. He was frustrated that nobody respected him. He was irritated about constantly being blamed for things that weren't his fault. He was depressed over still being a virgin.
That last one really had no bearing on his current situation, but it sucked nonetheless.
So as he sat there in his room, a broke, beaten, disrespected virgin, he came to a realization: The reason all these bad things kept happening to him was because he was too nice, too forgiving and too easy-going. Obviously, the only way that things were ever going to change for the better in his life, was if he stopped being a sissy little nice-guy, grew a spine and took charge around here. After all, he was a Man, and he owned this damn place! And like it or not, those evil, vindictive bitches were going to learn what happens when you push Urashima Keitaro past his limit!
...Tomorrow.
Yeah, being a Man tomorrow would fit a lot easier into his schedule. He did have stuff to do today, after all.
Tomorrow, though. He'd show those girls first thing tomorrow, for sure.
xxx
One week later...
Okay, today was definitely the day! The day when he would Man up and show those girls who was boss! He hadn't been emasculated by any of them for a few days now and he was feeling pumped! He was ready! Time to do this thing!
Properly psyched up, Keitaro set out to change things in the Hinata Sou. And he knew exactly where to begin.
His search didn't take long, finding his target wandering a hallway with an open booklet in hand. This was it, no backing out now. Time to show what Urashima Keitaro was truly made of!
"N-AR-u!" He cringed; of all the times for his voice to crack. Not a promising start. Clearing his throat, he tried again. "Naru!"
Naru looked up from her book. "Morning, Keitaro. Hey, have you finished the 18th century history section of this yet?"
Without even thinking about it, Keitaro lashed out and slapped the book from her hand, sending it sliding down the hallway. Naru stared after the book in disbelief, then turned back to Keitaro with a glare.
A sudden bout of regret hit him. "S-sorry, that was rude." He quickly jogged over and grabbed the book, handing it back to her when he returned. "Sorry, I... just wanted to get your attention, and I... sorry."
Naru glared a few seconds longer before relaxing. "So what was so important, then?"
Keitaro raised a hand, index finger extended upward, opened his mouth, and froze. He'd forgotten what he was going to say. Crap, and here he'd had a big fancy speech all planned out in his head!
"Well?" Naru prompted, growing impatient.
Oh well, he'd just have to go with his gut. "Look Naru, I've put up with a lot of abuse since coming here, especially from you, and it's going to stop today!"
Naru's eyebrows raised in incredulity. "Does that mean you're finally going to stop perving on us girls all the time so that I don't have to hit you anymore, or-"
"Furthermore!" he interrupted a bit louder than necessary. "As the landlord of this dorm, you should realize that I make the rules around here! And if your physical abuse were to continue, I could evict you, or worse!"
Naru looked like she couldn't decide if she should be feeling angry, insulted, concerned, or just amused. "Or worse?" she repeated.
"Yeah, or worse!"
"Like what, exactly?"
...She wasn't supposed to ask that! She was supposed to be so intimidated that she'd cower away and never dare to strike him again. "Like um... like... Like I could start hitting you back, that's what!"
Naru's jaw nearly unhinged. "Seriously?"
Keitaro felt nearly as shocked by his own sudden declaration as Naru did. But it was out there now, he couldn't really take it back. "Well, uh... yeah. Yeah. I mean, after all the times you've hit me, how would you like it if I started hitting you, too?"
"You're serious?" she asked again.
He nodded, feeling a bit more confident in himself. "Yes, I am."
"You're seriously threatening to hit me?"
"That's what I'm saying."
"...Seriously?"
"Stop asking that!" he demanded, growing frustrated. "Yes, I am seriously saying that I might seriously start hitting you if you don't seriously shape up and start treating me seriously better!" One too many 'seriously' in there, but he thought he'd made it work.
Naru's disbelieving stare continued as she gave her head a small shake. Then she giggled.
"Don't laugh!" he shouted.
"I'm... not laughing," she forced out through her continued giggle fit.
"Why aren't you taking me seriously?" he demanded, although to be honest, it sounded a bit more like a whine. "Do you think I won't do it?"
Naru took a deep breath to compose herself. "I don't know, Keitaro; will you?"
"Yes! That's what I keep saying, isn't it?"
"Okay, do it."
"...W-what?"
"Hit me."
His train of thought froze solid. "...Uh."
Naru folded her arms and cocked her head to the side, staring expectantly. "Well?"
"...R-right now?" he stammered.
"Yep, right now," she prompted further. "You said I deserve it after hitting you so much, right?"
"...Well, um..." Maybe he should have thought this out better. He was actually threatening to punch a girl. A girl he had a crush on, to boot! Sure, she'd hit him a good number of times in the past, but was returning violence with violence really the best solution? Not to mention that Naru didn't have his super-human durability and healing factor, which meant punching her could cause far more serious damage than it would to him. Maybe this whole 'Grow a Spine' thing was a bad idea...
No! He'd already come this far, hadn't he? He couldn't just give up now; Naru would probably never take him seriously again if he did. Besides, he was a Man! A Real Man! And by God, he was going to prove it by punching this young woman in the face, just like any Real Man would do!
"All right then. H-here I go!" So saying, he raised his clenched fist, preparing to swing it, only to stop dead as Naru burst into an even bigger fit of laughter.
"Okay, stop! Just... just stop!" she told him between gasps for air.
"What's so funny?" Keitaro demanded, his manhood taking another emotional blow.
Naru managed to catch her breath and stood back upright. "You've never thrown a punch before in your life, have you Keitaro?"
"How do- I mean, why do you say that?"
"Oh, where to start?" She slowly walked around him, drawing her eyes up and down him as she went. "Okay, first of all, your stance is awful. Your body's way too straight and rigid, which is going to keep you from getting any real momentum behind a punch. Your feet are too close together and not positioned properly, so even if you did get any force behind it you'd run the risk of stumbling or falling over completely. And look at how you're clenching your fist; you try to punch something like that and you're gonna break your hand."
It was times like this that Keitaro really wished he'd followed his adopted sister's path of studying the family Arts. If he had, he wouldn't be making such a fool of himself in front of the girl he was trying to intimidate. "Well then... what's the right way to do it?"
Sighing, she set her book down and moved around him again, this time shifting and repositioning his body until she felt he was in a more satisfactory stance. "Now loosen up, you're still too stiff," she instructed.
He did as he was told, relaxing, careful to keep his fist clenched like she'd shown him. "Is this better?"
"Yeah, not bad," she said with a nod. "Now try a few practice punches."
He did so, throwing a few punches and then looking to her for evaluation.
"You're still a little too tense," Naru informed him. "And you don't need to plant your feet so firmly. Remember: Punch with your body, not just your arm."
"Right." He threw a few more punches and Naru nodded in satisfaction.
"Not bad for a first-timer. Do a couple more."
He did so.
"Much better! Looks like you've got the hang of it." Keitaro beamed at the praise. "So, ready to try it out for real?"
"I think so."
"You think so?" she prompted.
"I'm ready," he reaffirmed.
"Last chance to back out."
"I'm ready!" he insisted.
"Then hit me!"
"Yeah!" And without further delay, he reared back and sent a powerful haymaker at Naru's face.
Except Naru ducked, and the next thing he knew, he was embedded up to his elbows in the ceiling. As he shook away the stars, he heard Naru call up to him.
"Maybe next time I'll teach you to dodge if you ever feel like trying this again."
"That would be great," he called back.
"Study group with Mutsumi tonight?"
"Okay. ...Um, could you maybe help me out of here?"
"Hm, I think I'll let you handle that yourself. You did just try to punch me, after all."
Hearing her walk off, he began the task of freeing himself. This definitely wasn't an auspicious start on his road to proving his Male Dominance.
xxx
xxx
And here I thought the old 'Keitaro & Motoko lose and are forced to marry' plotline had been done to death...
I had more in mind for this, but I don't know when I'll have time to write it. For now, at least, here's this.
