The Morning Sickness of Suzumiya Haruhi

[Prince Charon]

Kyon has been dating Haruhi for a while, and they have sex. They have sex several times (which greatly reduces Closed Space formation), and eventually discover that not all love hotels have the highest quality condoms. Oops.

How do you deal with a pregnant 'goddess'?

 

[ttestagr]

Kyon is screwed beyond the capabilities of mortal thought....

Haruhi is bad enough normally, add pregnancy... *shudder* *hightails it out of universe*

 

[zeebee1]

The best way to ahndle a sleeping goddess is lots of sleeping gas, and hope she has pleasant, non weird, dreams. Either way, the universe is doomed.

 

[Antimatter]

The best way to ahndle a sleeping goddess is lots of sleeping gas, and hope she has pleasant, non weird, dreams. Either way, the universe is doomed.

*Breaks out a brewski and removes his pants*

I die the way I lived!

 

[Prince Charon]

So, a few people are amused/terrified, but no one wants to write it?

 

[Fatuous One]

The problem is that this idea is far too bare, without a easily thought out excuse of how it gets to that point. Personally, I can't think of a well-conceived way for Kyon and Haruhi to actually get together like that (then again, I'm sort of drained at the moment).

As amusing as it might be, the idea needs more outlining before it could be written. At the very least, it should have few guesses as how it could get to the point of dating (and then sex). Saying "Aw, so nobody wants to write it?" even though you're leaving the majority of the work to whoever already... *shrug* It's not a small wonder that no one is jumping. Then again, most authors are lazy people anyway... 'least lots of the ones here are!

 

[Dark Knight Gafgar]

It's simple.

Haruhi had fantasies.

If Haruhi's fantasies can suddenly turn Kyon into a pimp, it can make it so they've had sex enough for her to become pregnant. Only Kyon gets not-so-literally fucked in that he's now responsible for the kid, and he can't even remember the good part (because, to him, it didn't happen).

 

[Fatuous One]

That could work, I suppose.

But honestly, I took a few liberties with how far Haruhi's been shown to be able to affect things in that one fic.

And also, Haruhi actually has very little interest in sex in the canon material.

 

[ttestagr]

Indeed, she seems to only look at it in terms of what it can get her. Though she does have an attraction towards Kyon that as far as I've read has only been seriously brought up once (at the end of the first book.)

 

[Scygnus Darkhawk]

I was actually going to start writing one where Haruhi catches the Superman movies on late-night TV and starts thinking Kyon has a secret identity... This could lead all sorts of places, so it wouldn't be farfetched to go from one to the other, especially if she does the Lois thing and has to get rescued a few times... add in the Clark Kent Effect and she might not even make the connection for a while... And of course, at some point, she may want to 'thank' her rescuer...

It only takes one time... especially if she wants it ^^;;;

As far as keeping her ignorant of the supernatural... well, there are worse universes than DC to live in... and having a definite jumping point out there would allow them to predict to some degree what might come next... my overdoingit sense is tingling >.>

In any case, I'm gonna be thinking about that now.

And Haruhi, with moodswings worse than usual? Eek. Run Kyon! Invincibility won't save you! Screw the Fortress, it won't be safe until the next galaxy over! Maybe...

 

[Zenithos]

If, and only IF the universe survives the typhoon of utter chaos Haruhi's pregnancy will bring about, there's off course the issue of the child. Will the child also have God/Goddess powers? That's something interesting to look at, isn't it?

....wait...we'd have a child who'd decimate whole cities whenever he/she wakes up and cries for mommy....

--------------------

"Me want teddy!" the child cried, pointing up at the cute little teddy bear high up on the shelf.

"No, you have to wait patiently for your birthday." Kyon said, picking up the child.

"WAAAH!" The child's ear-splitting cry permeated through the air. The ground underneath Kyon suddenly rumbled.

"Ok! Ok! You get the teddy!" Kyon screamed.

----------

Not to mention nothing's more powerful than a child's imagination. Imagine the kinds of things that would start munching up the universe, say, when the child watches, for example, Teletubbies.

In fact, you can't get a better example of a universe-decimating children's show than teletubbies.

 

[ttestagr]

Haruhi stared.á She would get her way, it was inconceivable that she wouldn't.á

Until now that is.

"What was that Kyon?"

"Nothing"

"But MOM!!!"

"I said no!á You will not change the universe if you don't get the limited edition, foil wrapped, super-sized, diamond/ruby/emerald pokemon.á It has already been decided!"

"DADDY!"

God help me.

"What Kyon?"

Another god help me.

"DADDY!"

You all hate me.

 

[Zenithos]

"DADDY!"

God help me.

"What Kyon?"

Another god help me.

"DADDY!"

You all hate me.

*Applauds.

SOMEBODY WRITE THIS!

-----------------

"Daddy? Why do boys have ***** and girls don't?"

I turned over this question in my mind a few times, trying to find the best way to impart such sensitive information to a little girl. A brainwave hit me. It was so simple, yet so brilliant, that I amazed myself. "Because girls are naughty boys who've had their ***** cut off."

"Oh....." And she seemed satisfied with the explanation.

"On other news, the goverment has just passed a legislation allowing the castration of male criminals in an effort to give morally-challenged males an incentive to avoid criminal acts." The TV news anchor suddenly announced.

I sighed. Whoever wrote that book on child upbringing should be first in line.....

---------

Sorry, I couldn't help it. This is based on a true story, by the way, kind of.

 

[ttestagr]

I just may write a shortie with that clip in it. I wrote it right off the top of my head and spent under too minutes editing it, but I find that little snippet enjoyable.