Well, I managed ten chapters and decided I had gotten Asuka's characterization all wrong for Episode 14. That, and I'm suitably warmed up from writing all that noise to do a better job on the first chapter. Thought I'd post what I got here, see what you guys think of the Shinji/Asuka dialog so far.
If you ain't familiar with the fic, don't worry too much.
This is not a pairing fic. Nor is it particularly WAFFY or dark.
Description:
A mad spider god is loose in Tokyo 3. Omniscient and insane, it terrorizes the Children and staff of Nerv. As the Angels continue to come, the defenders of humanity must deal with the madness slowly consuming them.
Revision:
Chapter One -1k words-
Change. At some times slight and subtle, at others world altering and mind-numbing. When Shinji had first arrived in Tokyo-3 he had never been inside a school, never had anyone he could actually call friend, barely had any experience talking to women. It had hurt at first, learning to open up to people, learning to accept them for their faults and understanding that they might still like him, despite his own. He had misstepped and misunderstood, but he had learned, too. Shinji Ikari had changed, had turned into something that, now that he thought about it, was better then what he had been. His had been a simple life, living with his teacher in rural Japan, and now it was... complicated. He had formed connections with other people, and even though these connections brought confusion, sadness, and sometimes anger, he did not think he could return to a simple existence.
Less than an hour ago he had been in the elevator with Rei Ayanami, and had asked her about his father. Tomorrow was the anniversary of his mother's death, and Shinji was visiting her grave with the Commander. Shinji wanted to know what he should talk with him about. Rei had been unable to help him just then, but then he had made a comment about the way she looked earlier in the day, when they were cleaning the A-2 homeroom. About the way she held a washrag like he imagined a mother would. She had blushed at his words. That image, of her leaving the elevator and quietly, formally bidding him good night, her cheeks still burning, had helped Shinji more than any information she could have given him about his father. It had got him thinking on change.
The Third Child had hated his father for a long time. For years the man had been little more than a receding silhouette, a cold thing that did not want him, that hated him in return. Since Eva entered Shinji's life, that impression had become confused. The Commander had only summoned him to Tokyo-3 because, as the man had put it, "I have a use for you". He had not even addressed his son by name then, and did not converse with him in all the weeks that followed... Yet after the battle with the Tenth Angel, his father had praised Shinji, called him by his name! If Rei could blush, maybe tomorrow something between Shinji and his father would change... or continue to change.
"Hey, are you listening to me?" Asuka was asking him.
Shinji Ikari and Asuka Langley Sohryu were waiting in the train terminal at the Geo-Front's entrance for their ride home. Normally Major Katsuragi or Kaji would have driven them, but the Major was pulling a double shift to get off work the following day and Kaji nowhere to be found. The children sat on different benches, an aisle between them, but were close enough to talk.
"Sorry, what?"
"Why bother to speak at all, if you're too dense to listen?" his fellow pilot shook her head and sighed.
"I said I was sorry-"
"I know, Third Child. I noticed that," the red-head interrupted. "I was asking if you or either of your stooge friends had gone to the Matsushiro carnival."
Shinji had no idea what she was talking about.
"It's just that," she began in a dismissive tone Shinji had come to suspect, "I've got a date tomorrow. Some med-student Hikari's sister knows. We're gonna go there."
Shinji had arrived at the terminal just after the hour - Asuka had been there, and upon seeing him had immediately complained that she had just missed the train. He had not thought much of it at the time, but now knew she had been waiting for him. She had wanted to tell him about this date, for some reason. Knowing this did not make the conversation any easier - she was scrutinizing him, measuring his response for... something.
No, he thought. Don't be stupid. She just wants to know about this carnival thing.
"I-I've" he began, "I've never heard of that."
Asuka seemed to latch onto his stutter, "Oh, what is it? The date thing? You've never had one, have you?"
"I haven't really had time for that sort of thing," he responded carefully now, his features clouding up. He was getting angry and feeling sick at the same time.
"I should have expected," Asuka laughed. "Well Third, if things go well tomorrow, maybe we can double-date next time! You can take the First."
"I don't..." he began, but trailed off. Something was suddenly strange. Something was wrong. Ignoring Asuka for a moment, Shinji did slowly surveyed the platform, and discovered that they were alone - all the NERV personnel that had gone off-duty must have left on the last train. But suddenly it did not feel like they were alone... it didn't feel like they were on the terminal platform at all.
"Don't?" Asuka was asking. "Don't tell me you don't like girls... what?" the last said when she noticed the boy's suddenly ashen complexion.
"I..." any semblance of control was gone from Shinji. The lights over the train rail were flickering now. "I don't... I think we should l-leave."
The uncertain lighting was casting a very strange shadow on the wall opposite them, across the train rail. The tan-tiled surface seemed to be moving, gaining ponderous depth, the lines of the tile now blending together, then bulging outward.
"Why would we? The train is the fastest way home, where else would we go?" Asuka was asking. If Shinji had not been entranced and terrified by the swimming lines of that strange wall, he might have detected a hint of something else in Asuka's question. It would not be the first such hint gone unnoticed by him.
"Anywhere," he managed in numb response. "Anywhere that isn't here."
"Okay then, Ikari," Asuka said with a slight smile, either misunderstanding or failing to notice Shinji's agitation. "You just lead the way, huh?"
Shinji got off the bench and fought the impulse to just run. He... couldn't just leave Asuka in such a place. It was like... Terror. Pale faces emerging from a darkened ceiling overhead, jerky and disjointed dead things blurring in and out of sight in cut-frame motion. Why the Second Child seemed oblivious he did not know, but...
Behind him, two of the lights over the rail flickered one last time, and then cut out entirely. He knew it without looking, the darkness pushing against him, driving him from the chamber. But he stayed controlled, kept his pace constant, and tried to focus on the sound of Asuka's voice, and the sounds their shoes made on the floor, the swish of clothing, the cold of the rail he rested his hand on as they descended the stairs at the platform's exit. Concentrating on anything but the growing chaos behind him, trying to shut it away, deny it.
*This is about half a chapter*
If you ain't familiar with the fic, don't worry too much.
This is not a pairing fic. Nor is it particularly WAFFY or dark.
Description:
A mad spider god is loose in Tokyo 3. Omniscient and insane, it terrorizes the Children and staff of Nerv. As the Angels continue to come, the defenders of humanity must deal with the madness slowly consuming them.
Revision:
Chapter One -1k words-
Change. At some times slight and subtle, at others world altering and mind-numbing. When Shinji had first arrived in Tokyo-3 he had never been inside a school, never had anyone he could actually call friend, barely had any experience talking to women. It had hurt at first, learning to open up to people, learning to accept them for their faults and understanding that they might still like him, despite his own. He had misstepped and misunderstood, but he had learned, too. Shinji Ikari had changed, had turned into something that, now that he thought about it, was better then what he had been. His had been a simple life, living with his teacher in rural Japan, and now it was... complicated. He had formed connections with other people, and even though these connections brought confusion, sadness, and sometimes anger, he did not think he could return to a simple existence.
Less than an hour ago he had been in the elevator with Rei Ayanami, and had asked her about his father. Tomorrow was the anniversary of his mother's death, and Shinji was visiting her grave with the Commander. Shinji wanted to know what he should talk with him about. Rei had been unable to help him just then, but then he had made a comment about the way she looked earlier in the day, when they were cleaning the A-2 homeroom. About the way she held a washrag like he imagined a mother would. She had blushed at his words. That image, of her leaving the elevator and quietly, formally bidding him good night, her cheeks still burning, had helped Shinji more than any information she could have given him about his father. It had got him thinking on change.
The Third Child had hated his father for a long time. For years the man had been little more than a receding silhouette, a cold thing that did not want him, that hated him in return. Since Eva entered Shinji's life, that impression had become confused. The Commander had only summoned him to Tokyo-3 because, as the man had put it, "I have a use for you". He had not even addressed his son by name then, and did not converse with him in all the weeks that followed... Yet after the battle with the Tenth Angel, his father had praised Shinji, called him by his name! If Rei could blush, maybe tomorrow something between Shinji and his father would change... or continue to change.
"Hey, are you listening to me?" Asuka was asking him.
Shinji Ikari and Asuka Langley Sohryu were waiting in the train terminal at the Geo-Front's entrance for their ride home. Normally Major Katsuragi or Kaji would have driven them, but the Major was pulling a double shift to get off work the following day and Kaji nowhere to be found. The children sat on different benches, an aisle between them, but were close enough to talk.
"Sorry, what?"
"Why bother to speak at all, if you're too dense to listen?" his fellow pilot shook her head and sighed.
"I said I was sorry-"
"I know, Third Child. I noticed that," the red-head interrupted. "I was asking if you or either of your stooge friends had gone to the Matsushiro carnival."
Shinji had no idea what she was talking about.
"It's just that," she began in a dismissive tone Shinji had come to suspect, "I've got a date tomorrow. Some med-student Hikari's sister knows. We're gonna go there."
Shinji had arrived at the terminal just after the hour - Asuka had been there, and upon seeing him had immediately complained that she had just missed the train. He had not thought much of it at the time, but now knew she had been waiting for him. She had wanted to tell him about this date, for some reason. Knowing this did not make the conversation any easier - she was scrutinizing him, measuring his response for... something.
No, he thought. Don't be stupid. She just wants to know about this carnival thing.
"I-I've" he began, "I've never heard of that."
Asuka seemed to latch onto his stutter, "Oh, what is it? The date thing? You've never had one, have you?"
"I haven't really had time for that sort of thing," he responded carefully now, his features clouding up. He was getting angry and feeling sick at the same time.
"I should have expected," Asuka laughed. "Well Third, if things go well tomorrow, maybe we can double-date next time! You can take the First."
"I don't..." he began, but trailed off. Something was suddenly strange. Something was wrong. Ignoring Asuka for a moment, Shinji did slowly surveyed the platform, and discovered that they were alone - all the NERV personnel that had gone off-duty must have left on the last train. But suddenly it did not feel like they were alone... it didn't feel like they were on the terminal platform at all.
"Don't?" Asuka was asking. "Don't tell me you don't like girls... what?" the last said when she noticed the boy's suddenly ashen complexion.
"I..." any semblance of control was gone from Shinji. The lights over the train rail were flickering now. "I don't... I think we should l-leave."
The uncertain lighting was casting a very strange shadow on the wall opposite them, across the train rail. The tan-tiled surface seemed to be moving, gaining ponderous depth, the lines of the tile now blending together, then bulging outward.
"Why would we? The train is the fastest way home, where else would we go?" Asuka was asking. If Shinji had not been entranced and terrified by the swimming lines of that strange wall, he might have detected a hint of something else in Asuka's question. It would not be the first such hint gone unnoticed by him.
"Anywhere," he managed in numb response. "Anywhere that isn't here."
"Okay then, Ikari," Asuka said with a slight smile, either misunderstanding or failing to notice Shinji's agitation. "You just lead the way, huh?"
Shinji got off the bench and fought the impulse to just run. He... couldn't just leave Asuka in such a place. It was like... Terror. Pale faces emerging from a darkened ceiling overhead, jerky and disjointed dead things blurring in and out of sight in cut-frame motion. Why the Second Child seemed oblivious he did not know, but...
Behind him, two of the lights over the rail flickered one last time, and then cut out entirely. He knew it without looking, the darkness pushing against him, driving him from the chamber. But he stayed controlled, kept his pace constant, and tried to focus on the sound of Asuka's voice, and the sounds their shoes made on the floor, the swish of clothing, the cold of the rail he rested his hand on as they descended the stairs at the platform's exit. Concentrating on anything but the growing chaos behind him, trying to shut it away, deny it.
*This is about half a chapter*