The White Devil of the Moon Chapter 1

bissek

Well-Known Member
#1
Disclaimer: I do not own MGLN or Sailor Moon

The White Devil of the Moon
By Bissek
Chapter 1
The PrincessÆ Guard

It was a subtle thing, something that a casual observer wouldnÆt have noticed. Despite that, Fate immediately noticed the slight shifting of weight that indicated that Nanoha was no longer leaning against her as they walked because she wanted to, and was instead doing it because she needed to.

It was a sobering thought that due to her injuries and the months spent in either a hospital bed or a wheelchair, the girl that had normally spent at least thirteen hours a day training or working was now getting worn out simply by going on a long walk. Still, it was a great improvement over how badly off Nanoha had been earlier. There had been a point during her convalescence when she couldnÆt even stand without something to help support her weight.

FateÆs worrying about her friendÆs health was interrupted by a telepathic message from Aruf.

:Fate, I think someone is following us.:

FateÆs eyes widened in surprise, but she managed to avoid alerting her limping friend that anything was out of the ordinary.

:Are you sure, Aruf?:

:IÆve been smelling a cat û the same cat û ever since we left the park. A stray wouldnÆt do that, would it?:

Fate had to agree. That didnÆt seem like something a normal cat would do û assuming that it really was a normal cat. Fate had seen quite a few abnormal cats over the years, starting with the kitten that found a Jewel Seed and became the size of a house. Some, like the Lieze twins, were far more than mere animals. If the cat behind them was a familiar like Aruf or the Lieze twins or a shape-shifting mage like Yuuno, then this could be a problem.

But that wasnÆt FateÆs immediate concern. First she had to get Nanoha back to their apartment so that she could rest. Once her friend was in bed, Fate could worry about the unusual cat and what it was up to.


It was strange to be fondly remembering the resiliency of oneÆs youth before reaching twenty, but Nanoha found herself doing it anyway. Back when she first started out as a mage, she and Fate both ended up with their Linker Cores getting forcibly drained by the Wolkenritter in their quest to restore the Book of Darkness in order to save Hayate. They both recovered fully from the experience within a week. How she wished that her recovery from her self-induced core failure was anywhere near that fast. It had been months since she had been injured, and her magic had yet to recover to the point that she would be willing to attempt a flight spell. The last thing she wanted was for her magic to give out on her while in midair.

Her friends were fully aware of her slow recovery. To ensure that she didnÆt push herself too hard, they had installed a lockout device into Raising Heart that prevented her from fully activating the device unless she recited the full activation phrase that Yuuno used back when he had owned the device û and which Nanoha always had trouble remembering. Because of that, Nanoha was unable to use any of her more complex spells at the moment, reducing the chances of overexerting herself again.

Nanoha stood on the roof of the hotel she and Fate were staying in, looking at the night sky. Finishing the can of juice she had purchased from a vending machine, she weighed it in her hand a moment, and then tossed it into the air. A pink ball of light appeared next to NanohaÆs head and shot up after the can, striking it obliquely and knocking the falling can back into the air.

As the can began to fall again, the energy ball looped around to strike the can a second time, followed by a third. Beads of sweat formed on NanohaÆs forehead as she focused on controlling the spell as it knocked the can into the air again and again, counting the number of successful strikes.

Seven.

Ten.

Fourteen.

Nineteen.

As the spell came in for the twenty-first strike, it sputtered out and vanished. The can struck the floor, the dull clank of its landing sounding far louder to NanohaÆs ears than it possibly could have been. She sighed. Only twenty. While far better than her previous score of five, it was still much worse than what she had been able to do back when she was ten. She picked up the can and limped back inside.


Fate knew that Nanoha was practicing magic. She had caught her friend trying to see how far she had recovered with that juice can training exercise while she was still at the hospital once. She had agreed to not rat Nanoha out to her doctors so long as she only did the exercise once a week. So far, she had kept her word on that matter.

While Nanoha knocked a can around, Fate planned to see if that unusual cat was still around. She clipped a lead onto ArufÆs collar and headed outside. Her familiar would be able to smell out their tail if it was still there.


Luna had a problem. She had found her princess, and located where she was living, but she couldnÆt get to her. Things would have been much easier if her princess lived in a house like Rei or Minako did, but instead she was staying in a hotel building. There had to be dozens of people living in there, and there was no way to easily tell where in the building the one person she wanted to talk to was staying (a talking cat walking up to the front desk and asking the clerk would just cause more problems, especially since she didnÆt even know her princessÆ name). There was also the question of how Luna was to get to the princess if she knew which room the girl was in. It would be nice if she was staying on the first floor in a room with an open window, but Luna couldnÆt count on that.

Luna had been slowly circling the building, trying to figure out how to contact her princess without letting anyone else know there was a talking cat in the area. Her planning was disrupted when something landed on her. As she tried to pry herself off the pavement, she saw a red paw and realized that she was being pinned by the same puppy that had been with the princess. If the princess was with her dog, then this uncomfortable situation might end up working to her advantage.

ôIÆve caught the cat, Fate.ö The dog said.

The dog could talk? Luna hadnÆt expected that. Well, if the princess already had a talking animal, then she wouldnÆt be surprised by a talking cat. Her name was Fate, was it? A fitting name for a girl with such an important destiny.

ôThank you, Aruf.ö A girlÆs voice responded. Luna found herself being picked up by the voiceÆs owner, who she quickly recognized as the princessÆ companion once she was at an angle where she could see the girl.

ôAlright, cat.ö Fate said. ôI know you can understand me. Why have you been following me?ö

Luna gulped. This wasnÆt how she expected the meeting sheÆd been trying to arrange to work out. She began stammering out an explanation of her actions.

ôI wasnÆt following you. I was trying to speak with your friend.ö

FateÆs reaction to her attempted explanation prevented her from getting much further than that.


The moment the cat started talking, Fate knew that her suspicions about its nature were correct. The moment it claimed that it wanted to talk to Nanoha, she knew that trouble was coming. And that the cat wanted NanohaÆs help in dealing with it.

Fate was intimately aware of NanohaÆs compassionate nature. It had only been seven years since the day that a young Nanoha had met a talking ferret and helped him recover the Jewel Seeds, never setting aside her quest despite YuunoÆs continual warnings about the dangers, even when the whole situation had become known to professionals who were fully capable of taking care of everything for her and allowing the girl to return to her everyday life. Fate knew that if the cat asked Nanoha for help the way Yuuno had, she would do everything in her power to help. She wouldnÆt be able to help herself.

The problem was that Nanoha wasnÆt up to helping at the moment. Her powers had yet to recover to the levels they had been at back when she had first become a mage. If she tried using her higher level spells at this point, she might be able to get a few off, but she could potentially trigger a relapse, damaging her linker core beyond repair. Fate had had to comfort a crying Nanoha many times over the past few months as the girl worried that she might never be able to fly again. If Nanoha pushed herself too hard too soon, that nightmare could become a reality.

For similar reasons, Fate could not help herself. If she did, Nanoha would find out about it, and want to help as well, with the same result. There was no helping it: If Nanoha was to recover, the catÆs problems would have to be handled by someone else. There hadnÆt been any sign of problems that would be of concern to the TSAB, this wasnÆt their fight. If the cat was capable of recognizing the Ace of Aces and coming after her specifically, then the cat knew about the TSAB, and could presumably contact them through standard channels.

Fate quickly explained what she thought was going on to Aruf telepathically. Aruf agreed; the cat had to be driven away.


Luna saw FateÆs eyes widen briefly in shock, and then just as quickly narrow in determination.

ôIÆm sorry,ö the girl said, ôBut IÆm afraid we wonÆt be able to help you. If you would care to provide an explanation of whatever situation youÆve encountered, IÆll pass it on and see if I can get you some assistance. ThatÆs all I can do for you at the moment.ö

Luna gaped. This woman was treating the fate of the world and the restoration of the Moon Kingdom as it if was some kind of minor bureaucratic issue that could be routed to the clerk at the next desk while she went on her coffee break!

ôYou donÆt understand!ö Luna protested. ôI have to speak to your friend in person. This is something that only she can do!ö

FateÆs eyes turned cold, and she let go of the cat. Luna landed smoothly, and then her eyes nearly popped from her head as she saw the small puppy transform into an enormous wolf-like creature, which started snarling at her.

ôLeave. Nanoha. Alone.ö Fate ordered.

Luna wasnÆt sure what caused the sudden hostility, but the other talking animal looked ready to turn her into a chew toy. Luna fled before it could do so.


Nanoha dreamed. It was very unusual for her to dream, or at least to dream anything vividly enough to actually remember it in the morning. The last time that had happened was at the beginning of the Book of Darkness case when she was just starting out as a mage. That time she had dreamt of finding an enormous pile of sweet potatoes and eating them all. It had been so real that she honestly thought that she had been chewing on something. In the morning she woke up to find herself with a mouthful of animal hair and a very upset ferret. That had been the last time that Yuuno had slept in her bed.

In her current dream, she was walking down a hallway in a palace she had never seen before, wearing a formal gown she would never have been able to afford in real life. The hallway opened into a ballroom, hosting a formal court dance, something that Nanoha had only seen in movies. As she entered the room, a dark-haired man took her hand and led her into a dance. When the dance ended, she stared upwards into the manÆs eyes lovingly. The romantic moment was abruptly shattered by an enormous crashing sound, which a part of her recognized as the sound of a magical barrier being brought down by brute force from the outside. Further crashes sounded as something started smashing into the walls of the building, interspersed with the sound of people screaming as all the people in the ballroom started running around aimlessly in search of safety.

Nanoha woke up. What had that been? She had never had a dream that lifelike before. It wasnÆt just dreaming images. In her dream she had felt the touch of the very expensive fabric the gown had been made of, smelt the perfumes and colognes of all the other people she passed, which intermingled with each other in ways that didnÆt always result in a pleasant odor. She could still hum the melody of the song she had danced to. It was almost as if she had just remembered something from a long time ago, rather than having her imagination create some random tale while she slept.

Looking at the clock, Nanoha saw that it was far too early to be up and about, even by her pre-accident standards. She pulled the covers back over herself, curled up to the sleeping form of Fate on the other side of the bed, and tried to go back to sleep.


Four girls, one boy, and two cats gathered at the Hikawa shrine. Once everyone was there, Luna began her story.

ôIÆve found the princess.ö She announced.

The Senshi all brightened noticeably on hearing that news. With the Moon Princess located, they would be able to find the Ginzuisho. With the princess and the crystal, they could finally take the offensive against Beryl and take her down once and for all. And then the war would be over. They could set aside their duties as Senshi and be normal girls again. They had been shouldering the fate of the world for far too long, especially from the perspective of girls who had taken it up mainly because they were the only ones who could.

ôWhen will we be able to meet her?ö Minako asked.

ôThatà is going to be a problem.ö Luna admitted. ôWhen I tried to contact the princess û whose name is Nanoha, by the way û I was stopped by someone who had been hanging around her. A blonde woman named Fate. She recognized me for what I was before I ever opened my mouth.ö There was an exchange of glances at that revelation. There wasnÆt a single one of them that hadnÆt been surprised when they first encountered the Moon Cats. Someone who could figure out that a cat could talk on sight and find nothing strange about this was very unusual.

ôThe moment I mentioned that I wanted to talk to her friend, she turned hostile. She was about to set her dog on me when I fled.ö Luna shuddered. ôIÆve never seen a dog that could change from a fifteen pound puppy into a hundred and fifty pound wolfhound in a moment.ö

The Senshi had far too much depending on their princessÆ return to allow themselves to be thwarted by a girl with a magic guard dog. They began planning out how they could bypass the current obstacle and reach their princess.


Mamoru Chiba walked the streets of Juuban. The Senshi had agreed that since he had been the closest to the princess back in the Silver Millennium, he would have the best chance of connecting to her upon actually meeting her. He was walking alone; having Luna to conclusively point out the princess to him would also identify him as a friend of Luna to Fate, and since the Senshi didnÆt know exactly why the other girl was so adamant that the Moon Cat not speak with the princess, it was best that they not draw the other girlÆs attention.

Unfortunately, this also meant that he couldnÆt have Luna guide to the princess. All he had to go on to find the princess was a first name, a description, and the building she appeared to be living in. He didnÆt have the slightest notion of the princessÆ normal routine, so there was no guarantee that she would be anywhere near she was spotted last time, and if she was new to the area, asking for her wouldnÆt be of any use.

His wanderings around the area went on for hours. Mamoru decided that if he didnÆt find anything in the next half hour, he would give up for the day and suggest that the various Senshi try this in turns. He never realized that searching for a person could be so frustrating. He had no clue if the places he was looking in were places the princess had just left, not gotten to yet, or never been to at all. For all he knew, she had decided to spend the entire day indoors reading a book.

MamoruÆs frustrated musings were interrupted by the sound of whistling. The song was hauntingly familiar to him, but he couldnÆt place the tune. It certainly wasnÆt something that would be played on any of the radio stations that he tended to listen to. But despite that, he knew that the song was very familiar to him. After wracking his memory for the name of the song, he finally realized that he had never heard the song in his life. Prince EndymionÆs life was a different story.

He had heard this song in his dreams, as he relived events from an era long since past. And unless someone had recomposed the song, the only reason that someone would know that song well enough to whistle it would be if he or she had memories of events from the Silver Millennium û something that only a handful of people could claim. He started casually glancing around, looking for the whistler, and his eyes eventually came to rest upon a brown-haired girl standing outside a shop with a puppy.


Nanoha had been waiting outside the store with Aruf. They had forgotten that on a non-administrated world that wasnÆt used to familiars, most stores would not allow creatures they perceived to be pets to enter. That meant that unless Aruf changed into her humanoid form, she would need to wait outside of most stores. And since having Aruf change forms in the middle of the street in broad daylight would draw a great deal of attention, the two mages were taking turns looking in stores and watching the æpetÆ for the day. They would have to rethink that plan at the end of the day.

She didnÆt pay any attention to the man on the other side of the street as she idly whistled. A number of other people had passed on either side of the street, and she hadnÆt paid any attention to them, either. There were a number of shops on both sides of the street, and those people who werenÆt simply passing through were looking for something in one shop or another. Had she actively noticed the man look in her direction and cross to her side of the street, she would have assumed that he had decided that the shop that he was looking for was on the other side of the street and crossed.

ôExcuse me.ö A manÆs voice interjected. Nanoha turned to look at the man who she had casually ignored as just another shopper. Then their eyes met.

Nanoha was certain that she had never seen this man before in her life. Despite this, she was absolutely certain that she knew him somehow û and that seeing him again was one of the most wonderful things that could have happened to her in her life.


As MamoruÆs eyes met the girlÆs, he knew that she was definitely the princess he had been searching for. The princessÆ eyes widened briefly in surprise, then joy, before assuming a confused look, as if she didnÆt know why she had been so happy to see him. He felt the same joy in his own heart, only he knew the reason why.

ôHaveà we met before?ö The princess asked.

ôNot in any way that youÆd remember.ö He answered. ôIÆm Mamoru Chiba.ö He said, holding out his hand.

ôNanoha Takamachi.ö She replied, taking his hand.

And with that, the first part of MamoruÆs mission was complete. Now all he had to do was find a way to tell the princess about her true past and her destiny without the story seeming absolutely ridiculous. As every single one of the Senshi had been inclined to not believe in the Dark Kingdom and the Silver Millennium until their first encounter with a youma, this could be difficult.

He started engaging in simple small talk, hoping to be able to convince the princess to give him some contact information so that he could arrange for her to meet up with the Senshi. His conversation was interrupted when a girl with blonde hair emerged from the shop they were standing outside.

ôYou should take a look in there, Nanoha,ö The other girl said, taking the dogÆs lead from the princess. ôThere are some things that I think Shinobu might like.ö

There was no way that a mere man could defeat the female urge to go shopping. The princess said farewell to Mamoru, and left to go look for prospective presents for the mentioned friend/relative. After the princess had entered the building, the other girl, who Mamoru took to be Fate, walked up to him.

ôThe cat sent you, didnÆt she?ö She whispered in his ear.

ôI donÆt know what youÆre talking about.ö He lied.

ôPlease. Aruf smelled her all over you. I donÆt know why you people are so obsessed with Nanoha, and I donÆt care. The last thing she needs right now is to borrow someone elseÆs troubles. Just leave her alone. Do you understand?ö With that, the girl held up her hand, and a ball of lightning crackled on her palm.

One look at FateÆs face made it quite clear that she would use her spell on him if she thought it was necessary. He slowly backed away, and left the area. He would have to meet up with the others to come up with a new plan.


Beryl stormed across her throne room. Her nemesis Serenity was out there somewhere. She was going to find that prince-stealing interloper, and when she did, she was going to crush her. So far, her subjects had failed to locate the girl. But they would. If they didnÆt, they would feel the full force of her displeasure.

She heard a rumbling in the distance. Turning around, she ordered one of her youma to find out what the source of the disturbance was. Within minutes, it had returned with the answers she sought.

ôMy Queen,ö The youma explained. ôThere is some kind of dimensional disturbance outside the palace. A rift is forming in the sky.ö

ôWhat!?ö Beryl exclaimed. A dimensional rift could be very bad. It could mean that her enemies had found her and were attempting to pierce the pocket dimension in which she had hidden herself. She wasnÆt nearly ready for an all-out battle with the Senshi. She strode out of her throne room, heading towards the rift.

The rift wasnÆt very large. It was also high enough up that anyone making leaving it in an uncontrolled manner risked serious injury. As Beryl analyzed the rift, her spells detected that something was about to emerge from it. Quickly, she ordered youma in place to seize and secure whatever came out. If the dimensional breach was caused by her enemies, they wouldnÆt be loose long enough to cause trouble.

The rift spat out a long tube with something clinging to it. After doing so, it started shrinking, the trans-dimensional fabric of reality repairing itself now that the object that was traveling between dimensions uncontrollably was no longer disrupting things. Beryl turned her attention to the object that had been secured.

The tube turned out to be some sort of storage capsule. Sealed inside the capsule was a young girl, perhaps eight years of age. Clinging to the capsule desperately was a woman with graying dark hair, battered by her dangerous journey but still determined to keep a hold of the capsule and its precious cargo. The woman raised her head and looked around, as if trying to confirm that her journey had finally ended. Beryl heard her gasp one word before passing out.

ôAliciaàö


A/N: A note on destiny: In Sailor Moon, it is implied that because the Earth Prince and Moon Princess were lovers in their previous lives, they are destined to be lovers again in their current ones. I donÆt find that plausible. I find the interpretation presented in the Deverry novels by Katherine Kerr to be more likely.

In those stories, two people with a strong connection to each other (positive or negative) in one life will be inclined to similar feelings if they meet in another life, but they arenÆt bound to it. Reincarnated lovers will be inclined to like each other when they meet, making it easier for them to become lovers again, and reincarnated enemies will be inclined to dislike each other, making it easier for them to find a new reason to fight in the current life, but these are not set in stone. Reincarnated enemies can resolve their differences. Reincarnated lovers can end up parting ways. OneÆs previous lives might influence the person they become, but it doesnÆt define them absolutely. Nanoha is not Princess Serenity. Mamoru is not Prince Endymion.

IÆm impressed by the response IÆve gotten from this fic. IÆve gotten more hits from the prologue of this story than the finale of the previous one, and more reviews than any single chapter IÆve posted so far. My thanks to Phalanxx, Torgamous, MisterSP, MWkillkenny84, Gundam M, ariel stormcloud, Mega1987, Robby Cartwright, MattheqAC, Demon Lord of Blood, Enjael1, Bobboky and kylone (IÆve never seen anyone describe Nanoha like that before. But IÆm afraid she wonÆt be stepping back into the role of Little Miss Gundam in the near future) for the reviews.
 
#3
Beryl + Precia.

NIGHTMARE MODE
 

Reimu

Well-Known Member
#4
I liked the way you dealt with reincarnation. It sounds more plausible and sensible, and I dislike forced "destiny" and helped my concerns with this fic.
 

bissek

Well-Known Member
#6
Here's a question: Precia is almost certainly going to try to revive Alicia by infusing her body with stolen life energy. How likely is this to work?
 

Tsukino_kage

Well-Known Member
#7
Tom_Badgerlock said:
Yeah! Nanoha/Alicia/Amy and Fate/Rei/Mamoru~ :wub: :wub:
Lol wot? Seriously, where did you get that idea?

On another note, it LIVES!

And it is GLORIOUS!
 
#8
bissek said:
Here's a question: Precia is almost certainly going to try to revive Alicia by infusing her body with stolen life energy. How likely is this to work?
FLAWLESSLY

And then Alicia An Heros once she realized how she was revived.
 

S J C

Well-Known Member
#9
Very nice. Especially your take on reincarnation as that really annoyed me in the original.

Poor Fate when she finds out about Alicia.
 

Chuckg

Well-Known Member
#10
My reaction is that while Fate has every reason to be overprotective of Nanoha, she's also one of the kindest and most decent people alive. In order for her to take the role of obstruction vs. the moon kingdom, Luna has to be interrupted in her explanation before she can get to the part where she's explaining that peoples lives are on the line in mass quantities. Because IMO while Fate might still choose preserving Nanoha's health over saving innocent strangers from horrible fates, she'd only do so after an epic amount of struggling with a moral dilemna -- not as unhesitatingly and angrily as she did here.

So, it would probably help if instead of skipping over the details of the convo between the two, the fic actually goes line-by-line down Luna's attempt to persuade Fate -- except that Luna chooses the entirely wrong opening line(s), and Fate shuts 'em down before Luna can get to the part about how this isn't some bunch of random new magical idjits trying to use Nanoha for something but instead a sacred quest to stop the Earth from being eaten by youma. IOW, Fate isn't struggling with a moral dilemna because her information is incomplete, and the reader can see that it's incomplete. Because otherwise... well, Fate w/o empathy for others ain't Fate.

If the moon cats and Fate are intended to be at loggerheads for a long while, then even the Poor Communication Kills trope isn't quite enough here, as the Senshi aren't that inarticulate(*), and Fate isn't that closed-minded and uncaring. You'd have to add in another level of misunderstanding... like, oh, the Senshi mistake Fate for some kind of youma agent that's been keeping their princess away from them, perhaps even making her ill and too weak to think straight, and go in guns blazing, then its going to take chapters and chapters before that misunderstanding gets ironed out. :)


(*) And its kinda unlikely that Fate can screen all of Nanoha's phone calls, mails, and visitors without Nanoha wondering why she's doing that.
 

Reimu

Well-Known Member
#11
Chuckg said:
So, it would probably help if instead of skipping over the details of the convo between the two, the fic actually goes line-by-line down Luna's attempt to persuade Fate -- except that Luna chooses the entirely wrong opening line(s), and Fate shuts 'em down before Luna can get to the part about how this isn't some bunch of random new magical idjits trying to use Nanoha for something but instead a sacred quest to stop the Earth from being eaten by youma. IOW, Fate isn't struggling with a moral dilemna because her information is incomplete, and the reader can see that it's incomplete. Because otherwise... well, Fate w/o empathy for others ain't Fate.
I dunno, I can see easily that Luna choose a bad line at the beginning clearly enough.
 
#12
Chuckg said:
The details weren't skipped over, Luna only got two phrases in. And they were entirely the wrong phrases.

"We need to speak to Nanoha!"

'She's in no condition to help right now...' "If you need something done, tell me and I'll see if I can help."

"No! It's only something she can do!"

'What, use her own magic and risk her life for something you won't even tell me about?' "No."

For all Fate knows, this is just a couple of mages - probably not even from Earth - trying to get the White Devil of the Time-Space Administration Bureau to help them with something or other while she's supposed to be on sick leave. Luna didn't even bother trying to explain otherwise: just demanded an audience twice and then ran off to tell the Senshi that big bad dark magical girl Fate was getting in between them and their princess.
 

Belgarion213

Well-Known Member
#13
bissek said:
Here's a question: Precia is almost certainly going to try to revive Alicia by infusing her body with stolen life energy. How likely is this to work?
While its been some time however I think it would be a temp measure at best. Might slow degradation but unless your using the 'rewrite reality' rock I doubt its going to work. IIRC she was on the verge of death and raw life energy could probably keep her alive, but not enough to really wake her.

That said its an interesting fic. Looking forward to Raging Heart going apeshit on the Ginzinshou for butting in on Her/Its/whatever territory -_-
 

fitzgerald

Well-Known Member
#14
Belgarion213 said:
Looking forward to Raging Heart going apeshit on the Ginzinshou for butting in on Her/Its/whatever territory -_-
This statement makes absolutely no sense at all.

A] Raising <s>Raging</s> Heart is a AI device that aids a mage in casting spells.

B] Ginzinshou is Sailor Moon's soul, magic, source of power etc given physical form.

A & B are not the same class of object.


Ciao
 

MWkillkenny84

Well-Known Member
#15
Good chapter, and good example of poor interaction between Fate and Luna.
I hope the 'conflict' between the two factions will continue for much more chapters.
PRECIA "I want to resurrect my children, even if I will destroy the time-space continuum" TESTAROSSA AND BERYL "If I can't have my love obsession, I will destroy the world TWICE" TOGHETER?!?
I better call Sanger Zonbol-sama and Wodan Ymir-sama, they are the only ones to be able to survive a similar unholy alliance!
Umh... can I write a mini-cameo in wich Fate use Wodan's Hoshinagi no Tachi on poor Metallia?

Ah, other two questions:
1) Will Fate call Hayate and the Wolkenritter to recive help to 'defuse' the cats' intromission in Nanoha's medical leave?
2) If the pink spore does not exist in this timeline, will Vivio replace her (me see Nanoha and Fate go Mama Bear on Wiseman)?
 

Tsukino_kage

Well-Known Member
#16
For all Fate knows, this is just a couple of mages - probably not even from Earth - trying to get the White Devil of the Time-Space Administration Bureau to help them with something or other while she's supposed to be on sick leave. Luna didn't even bother trying to explain otherwise: just demanded an audience twice and then ran off to tell the Senshi that big bad dark magical girl Fate was getting in between them and their princess.
I don't see the problem, that definitely does sound like Luna. For a "political advisor" was a always the self important type. Artemis is the better choice if you want a more sly and savvy moon cat.
 

bissek

Well-Known Member
#17
Chuckg said:
My reaction is that while Fate has every reason to be overprotective of Nanoha, she's also one of the kindest and most decent people alive. In order for her to take the role of obstruction vs. the moon kingdom, Luna has to be interrupted in her explanation before she can get to the part where she's explaining that peoples lives are on the line in mass quantities. Because IMO while Fate might still choose preserving Nanoha's health over saving innocent strangers from horrible fates, she'd only do so after an epic amount of struggling with a moral dilemna -- not as unhesitatingly and angrily as she did here.

So, it would probably help if instead of skipping over the details of the convo between the two, the fic actually goes line-by-line down Luna's attempt to persuade Fate -- except that Luna chooses the entirely wrong opening line(s), and Fate shuts 'em down before Luna can get to the part about how this isn't some bunch of random new magical idjits trying to use Nanoha for something but instead a sacred quest to stop the Earth from being eaten by youma. IOW, Fate isn't struggling with a moral dilemna because her information is incomplete, and the reader can see that it's incomplete. Because otherwise... well, Fate w/o empathy for others ain't Fate.

If the moon cats and Fate are intended to be at loggerheads for a long while, then even the Poor Communication Kills trope isn't quite enough here, as the Senshi aren't that inarticulate(*), and Fate isn't that closed-minded and uncaring. You'd have to add in another level of misunderstanding... like, oh, the Senshi mistake Fate for some kind of youma agent that's been keeping their princess away from them, perhaps even making her ill and too weak to think straight, and go in guns blazing, then its going to take chapters and chapters before that misunderstanding gets ironed out. :)


(*) And its kinda unlikely that Fate can screen all of Nanoha's phone calls, mails, and visitors without Nanoha wondering why she's doing that.
Like, say, when the Senshi run into a girl with red eyes in a black fuku and an opera cape?

And Fate doesn't need to screen Nanoha's calls or visitors. The Senshi know what building Nanoha lives, in, but not where in the building, so they can't visit, nor do they know her phone number. But Fate is going to do her best to quietly separate Nanoha from anyone that Aruf thinks smells of Mau.

If Luna been willing to give even a partial explanation, Fate probably would have seen to it that her brother learned what was going on, causing the Senshi to be reinforced by the Arthra, Ami to want to learn more about their technology, Rei to get upset about government involvement, and Minako and Makoto trying to figure out which of the cuter crewmembers were available. Luna would have done well to remember that the one person in court you should never offend is the one who controls access to the person you need to speak with.

MWkillkenny84, I'm afraid I don't know the series you are referencing at all.

Hayate and the others will probably appear eventually, no plans for Vivio at present.
 

Chuckg

Well-Known Member
#18
bissek said:
The Senshi know what building Nanoha lives, in, but not where in the building, so they can't visit, nor do they know her phone number.
If they know what building she's living in, and know what she looks like, and what her roommate looks like, and both of them have as distinctly striking appearances as Nanoha and Fate, then going from there to a name and an apartment # should not be that hard. Yes, none of them are expert detectives, but really, would you need to be?

(Edit: Just thought of Sailor Venus' disguise compact. Use that to dress up and do a 'door to door survey'. Sure, Fate will slam the door in her face as soon as she sees what's going on, but they've still got the apartment # that way.)

Not to mention that if they can detect magic, all they need to do is detect magic at 3am and bam, that's the room Nanoha is sleeping in.

Of course, if they mistake Fate for a youma 'handler' that's busy keeping the poor princess ill, befuddled, and confused (as just killing her would cause the reincarnation cycle to start again), then all the precise location information in the world isn't going to prevent misunderstandings. :)
 

Nikas_Zekeval

Well-Known Member
#19
Chuckg said:
bissek said:
The Senshi know what building Nanoha lives, in, but not where in the building, so they can't visit, nor do they know her phone number.
If they know what building she's living in, and know what she looks like, and what her roommate looks like, and both of them have as distinctly striking appearances as Nanoha and Fate, then going from there to a name and an apartment # should not be that hard. Yes, none of them are expert detectives, but really, would you need to be?

(Edit: Just thought of Sailor Venus' disguise compact. Use that to dress up and do a 'door to door survey'. Sure, Fate will slam the door in her face as soon as she sees what's going on, but they've still got the apartment # that way.)

Not to mention that if they can detect magic, all they need to do is detect magic at 3am and bam, that's the room Nanoha is sleeping in.

Of course, if they mistake Fate for a youma 'handler' that's busy keeping the poor princess ill, befuddled, and confused (as just killing her would cause the reincarnation cycle to start again), then all the precise location information in the world isn't going to prevent misunderstandings. :)
OTOH Fate can make things tough on the Senshi trying to hang around their hotel.

"Officer-San. My friend is being stalked by these five people. Normally I wouldn't think it a big deal, but she is recovering from recent serious injuries and I'm afraid if they keep it up it will cause some kind of permanent damage by overstressing her. Is there any way they could be, 'discouraged' from hanging around our hotel?"

Say hello to restraining orders, or depending how connected Nanoha's family is something less, official. The Japanese police have a reputation for getting rather rough when dealing with suspects.

Possibly leading to the disguise compact ploy, but unless the Senshi are willing to power up and kick in the door (which might startle Nanoha into 'befriending' them, particularly if they go after Fate in front of her) their options are limited if Fate is savy enough to slap their civvie IDs with ROs.

Though ATM as I read the situation neither side wants to break out the magical big guns, Fate to keep Nanoha from getting involved, and the Senshi because?
 

bissek

Well-Known Member
#20
Nanoha's father might have been well connected in his old job, but he's literally been retired for as long as Nanoha has been alive, so how many connections are still there is questionable. If this was in Hong Kong, the Senshi could be in trouble - harassing the niece of the commander of the local SWAT team is a great way to offend the cops. Trying to use said connections would also involve letting Nanoha's family know there is something up, which would ultimately cause Nanoha to find out.

On the other side of the equation, Rei is the only daughter of a member of the Diet (even if they aren't on speaking terms). The police might hesitate to arrest someone with connections that high up unless they're sure of their case.

At the moment, the Senshi consider Fate to be an obstacle to be bypassed, not an enemy to be confronted. And Fate's main objective is to ensure that Nanoha isn't disturbed until her brother's wedding comes around, at which point they can leave Tokyo and return to her place, not cause a fight.
 

tjalorak

Well-Known Member
#21
Well, the two are obviously friends and not doing anything illegal in the regular world. I don't think "that girl is keeping us from our magic moon princess!" is going to go over well as an excuse to attack them. And, as Nikas pointed out, going after your princess's friend doesn't really put them in a good light to said princess.
 

Chuckg

Well-Known Member
#22
Hah, it is a hotel, right? Teach me not to pay attention. That's even easier.

Use the disguise compact to make yourself up as Fate, then ask the desk clerk for a replacement room key. :p

(Or disguise herself as a police officer and ask for the room # of resident such-and-such, or... I play a lot of tabletop RPGs, it colors my thinking.)
 

MWkillkenny84

Well-Known Member
#23
bissek said:
MWkillkenny84, I'm afraid I don't know the series you are referencing at all.

Hayate and the others will probably appear eventually, no plans for Vivio at present.
Thanks.
I was referring myself to two of the Baddass-est characters in the Super Robot Wars series.
 
#24
By the way: is is just me, or do random portals from nowhere depositing shit into strange or convenient places seem to appear a lot these days?

.....

Goddammit, Yukari.
 

Elvarein

Well-Known Member
#25
First let me say that I do enjoy your take on this idea. However, to be frank bissek, I'm wondering why you are bringing Precia back to life. It seems a trifle unnecessary and somewhat of a deus ex machina (She's been in between dimensions for how long? although admittedly it could be handwaved away by saying that time has no meaning).

Also, I'm really curious about what is your desired end? It is apparent that you are not writing a straight humour/crack fic and that you are trying to write a more serious take on the idea. That means that there are more stuff that have to be explained such as why not let Fate just suggest that they take a trip to lets say Bali? Or Sardinia, or elsewhere? Or if thats too far than Okinawa or Hokkaido or Kyoto or even nearer the Onsens in Hakone.
 
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