The White Devil of the Moon Chapter 12

The Ero-Sennin

The Eyes of Heaven
Staff member
Quality takes time, unless you're some kind of superbeast.
 

Seed00

Well-Known Member
Or your name is Calamity Queen of Cordite. (Lisa Grey) Wrote the Wild Horse Thesis (Ranma/Eva) in 2 weeks. Updates being at every other day.
 

Prince Charon

Well-Known Member
Huh. I wonder if bissek is still reading this thread.
 

bissek

Well-Known Member
I have spent the past week and a half moving to the other side of the country, so I just got internet back.

I would like to note that I haven't even started working on the next chapter, but I have decided that due to the comments I have received I am replanning a major battle that I had originally planned to be fought by Signum and/or Vita to be handled by the Senshi without TSAB assistance and a second battle to require Senshi aid because you people are right in that they need more time in the spotlight.

On the long ago comment about Miyuki, please note that the only reason Miyuki was a threat to Beryl at all was because Nephrite accidentally gave her an opening. Without that her swords would have bounced off without doing any damage at all. The Senshi (When they finally meet Beryl) will be able to make their own openings.

For anyone who simply doesn't like the direction I chose to take the story (And the biggest problem I have with these comments is simply that they are all coming about a year after the point where things allegedly started going wrong), you're free to write your own version. Just give me credit for the original idea.

Now, if anyone wants to make a full, in-depth, no holds barred critique of my first (At least, first that didn't turn out so badly that I deleted it myself) story, Child of Hope (Not posted here - it predates my joining this board. Look on fukufics or fanfiction.net), go right ahead. It probably NEEDS a complete rewrite.
 

AbyssalDaemon

Well-Known Member
bissek said:
I would like to note that I haven't even started working on the next chapter, but I have decided that due to the comments I have received I am replanning a major battle that I had originally planned to be fought by Signum and/or Vita to be handled by the Senshi without TSAB assistance and a second battle to require Senshi aid because you people are right in that they need more time in the spotlight.
That should help at least some though it still doesn't really do much for fixing the biggest problem that the story has, which is how completely out of character the Sailor Moon characters have been acting for the majority of the story and the fact that relationships between the moon cats, senshi and Momaru as they've been shown in the story make no fucking sense no matter if you are drawing from the manga, anime, or even dubbing.

Not to mention the really, really bad Sailor Pluto and Chibi-Usa bits. :no:

For anyone who simply doesn't like the direction I chose to take the story (And the biggest problem I have with these comments is simply that they are all coming about a year after the point where things allegedly started going wrong), you're free to write your own version. Just give me credit for the original idea.
Except that from what I remember quite a few of us did complain and largely ignored or given out of the story excuses that you never seemed to have focused on or at least given any real showing so far in the story.

And for most of us from what I can tell, it isn't so much the direction of the story that people are finding irritating but the fact that for most of the fic, that most of what you written is coming across as a badly done Sailor Moon bashfic with none of the characters acting at all like the actual characters; basically the type of story that you usually see some two bit writer who has never actually bothered to see the real series but instead bases everything off of bad fanon.

...Which is somewhat annoying given that I've seen you write stuff before that was good. The 'Child of Hope' for example for all of its' problems was actually alright and didn't have nearly the number of plotholes or OOC that this is currently having or at least have them as nearly as noticeable. It had some, but the plot was fairly good and didn't come across as being continuously forced forward in order to work.

Edit: It doesn't help to me, that a number of the badder plotholes and really bad writing on the part of the Sailor Moon characters seem to come from you trying to rush the plot forward as quickly as you have been and feels like it could have been largely avoidable while still having the same basic framework for what you wanted.
 

Seiya

Well-Known Member
For anyone who simply doesn't like the direction I chose to take the story (And the biggest problem I have with these comments is simply that they are all coming about a year after the point where things allegedly started going wrong), you're free to write your own version. Just give me credit for the original idea.
The complaints were there from the beginning. I think I and Ryuugi complained about all the anime issues like why Nephrite didn't already have the crystal and why Metallia hasn't ended planet earth in that entire year they had without Sailor Moon already. Along with all the manga issues and general oocness.
 

ragnarok1337

Well-Known Member
bissek said:
For anyone who simply doesn't like the direction I chose to take the story (And the biggest problem I have with these comments is simply that they are all coming about a year after the point where things allegedly started going wrong), you're free to write your own version. Just give me credit for the original idea.
I still enjoy this fic despite all its problems, but the issues you say we're bringing up now we brought up way back in the first few chapters. Most of the criticizers are merely restating their opinions.
 

Shiakou

Well-Known Member
bissek said:
(And the biggest problem I have with these comments is simply that they are all coming about a year after the point where things allegedly started going wrong)
Dude, <a href='http://z14.invisionfree.com/The_Fanfiction_Forum/index.php?showtopic=18614&st=0' target='_blank' rel='nofollow'>here's a link to Chapter 2.</a>

That was a year and a half ago and marked the first time someone noted that the SM characters were acting OOC.

And the characterization just got worse from there.

Here's the thing; I've been following this story since chapter 1 because I kinda liked it.

I have not recommended it to anyone in all that time. Why?

Because it's a guilty pleasure. I like the fic simply because I enjoy some of it, but I would never recommend it to anyone because it's not a good fanfic overall. It's simply something that has just enough appeal to my tastes/fetishes that I'm willing to put up with the drawbacks. (For that same reason, I seldom recommend lemons as serious stories.)
 

ragnarok1337

Well-Known Member
Shiakou said:
Here's the thing; I've been following this story since chapter 1 because I kinda liked it.

I have not recommended it to anyone in all that time. Why?

Because it's a guilty pleasure. I like the fic simply because I enjoy some of it, but I would never recommend it to anyone because it's not a good fanfic overall. It's simply something that has just enough appeal to my tastes/fetishes that I'm willing to put up with the drawbacks. (For that same reason, I seldom recommend lemons as serious stories.)
Guilty pleasure for me as well. That's why, despite its flaws, I'm still looking forward to the next chapter.
 
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