condonzack said:
Im sorry for the grammer and spelling- this is off an I-Phone.
Ok, i totally see where everybody is coming from. Is there a reason we must argue points we are not going to agree on and everyones opinion has been adaquatly stated?
I for one do not think the most importent part of crossover fanfiction is keeping balance. I dont really care THAT much about staying in character. Ifthe story is entertaining to me i read it. Artemis, if you are going to contenue to post then how about we make something constructive out of it?
If you really mean that garbage about not caring whether characters are in character or not then frankly I pity you. But in any event, being constructive at this point is pointless since bissek has adequately proven that he won't listen to criticism he doesn't agree with, like the sort I've been giving since the first page. :sweat2:
I dont think The basic idea of the fic is bad. (I dont think the fic itself is "bad" either but reading comartimis's rants makes me feel bad about humanity and im too much of a optimistic lover of both series to not try to stop the totally meaningless cyclical shouting.) basic plot: nanoha is the reincarnation of serenity, Luna finds her but she's recovering from her injeries. There must be miscommunication at first. How do you make it awesome?
You start with ample amounts of bullshitting to explain the numerous plot holes AbyssalDaemon brought up. Without Sailor Moon in place right from the word go, lots and lots of people are going to die very very quickly, beginning with Naru and her mom and everybody who bought jewelery from that first youma. Without Sailor Moon to disrupt those plots as fast as Jadeite can put them up, they will continue to operate and claim more and more victims while the Senshi scramble around trying to find them and shut them down. And if Luna and whoever she enlists first aren't in exactly the right spot at exactly the right time, Ami Rei and probably Makoto will all fall victim to Dark Kingdom agents before they even have a chance to awaken. Ami will have no chance against the cursed cram school plot, Rei will probably get caught up in the disappearing bus business, and Makoto will probably pick a fight with Jadeite like she did with Zoicite and get drained as well for her efforts. None of them will be able to transform without Luna being present because she's the one who gives them their transformation pens.
But most of all, Tuxedo Mask will either never awaken or he will awaken much sooner than normal. You may recall that Mamoru only ever turned into Tuxedo Mask at first when he sensed that Usagi was in danger, whereupon he seemed to be able to teleport to her side in an instant. If that ability is dependent on distance, then Serenity's soul being in Uminari means he'll never sense that she's in danger while Nanoha is doing her thing in the first two seasons, and then subsequently won't awaken during the story until Nanoha's life is in danger, so you're talking about his first transformation happening during Jadeite's attack on the wedding. Since bissek hates the reincarnation romance business, this is the most likely outcome. If Tux
can sense that Serenity is in danger then Mamoru should have started transforming when he was about 14 or so, in which case he would have come to Nanoha's rescue at several points in the first two seasons of MGLN.
Now, it is
possible to bullshit your way though some of these things, but you can't just ignore it like bissek does because then you piss off anyone who knows anything about Sailor Moon. Let's say that instead of finding Usagi Luna found Mamoru first and awakened his memories instead. At this point we can do a bit of that "cherry-picking details from the manga" thing that bissek likes to do and say that Endymion is Serenity's equal in power, and thus Tuxedo Mask is a suitable stand-in for Sailor Moon as a front-line ass-kicker for the Senshi instead of being that guy who throws roses and gives encouraging speeches and not a whole lot else. For maximum awesome points, skip Tuxedo Mask entirely and have Mamoru transform straight into Endymion, badass armor and cape and longsword and all.
Tux's and Endymion's roses have a magical substance called 'Plot' in them which allows them to do just about anything. I've seen them break hypnosis spells, paralyze demons, disable death traps, cut magical ropes, banish attacks after they've been launched, sprout vines and entangle their target, and pierce lengthwise through a spear of stone several feet long and one-shot kill Beryl via piercing her through the heart in the same attack. They can do just about anything that the plot requires, so having them also be able to banish possession and cure energy draining attacks is just par for the course.
With this setup, we can explain most of AbyssalDaemon's points about "why the Senshi can't win without Sailor Moon", but not all of them. It's unlikely for Mamoru to stumble into the same situations that led Usagi to meet the other Senshi; for example he's unlikely to meet Ami before the cram school plot goes live because they aren't in the same school. However casualties can be prevented by having Jadeite's minions capture the drained Senshi and return them to the Dark Kingdom to be corrupted into new minions like the Generals.
In place of the Senshi who are lost to the Dark Kingdom, however, Mamoru and the remaining Senshi do have a lucky break when they make contact with
Uranus and Neptune, who IIRC are active at this point but dealing with proto-daimons on their own time. Uranus and Neptune are more than powerful enough to make up for the lost Senshi and keep things balanced.
With the Outers in play and Mamoru continuing to foil the Dark Kingdom's attempts to gather energy, it is
possible if also still
very difficult to justify stalling the Dark Kingdom for a year. I say this mainly because the first season covered a period of approximately one year in broadcasting time and even
with Sailor Moon that was enough time for Beryl to gather enough energy on her own to wake up Metallia. Yes, that's right. In order to stall the Dark Kingdom for a year and have them be stuck at the level of progress they're at in bissek's work, the Senshi have to be even better at foiling Dark Kingdom plots and denying them energy than they are with Sailor Moon. That's one problem that I don't see any ways around short of just flat-out ignoring the timeline.
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Is that wall of text-y enough for you? Go get a drink or something, there's another one coming up.
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So, by the time Nanoha and company come home to Earth, the remaining Senshi and Endymion should be a pack of hardcore badasses. The team I'm envisioning is Endymion, Venus, Jupiter, and Uranus/Neptune plus Luna and Artemis. Endymion, as we've said, is Sailor Moon's equal in magical power plus he has his do-anything roses and melee combat skills (canon Tuxedo Mask went cane-to-sword with Zoicite one-on-one later in the season, Endymion would be even better with all his past memories in place). Venus is the most experienced member of the group with a year of solo fighting under her belt plus the battles in Tokyo. She and Jupiter have both been training their magic with Uranus and Neptune where they can and have boosted their power to season 2 levels plus unlocked a few new spells apiece.
This team, all told, is more dangerous than the Forwards are when the whole group goes all-out, Voltaire notwithstanding unless Endymion has somehow picked up the Golden Crystal at some point. Something to keep in mind is that the TSAB's mage ranks aren't just a measure of power, but also of skill. The Senshi should have the power and skill of a team of AA or even AAA-ranked ground mages, AA being about where the Forwards were at the end of StrikerS.
Everything from here on is how I'd do the story, so forget whatever bissek did instead.
Now, at the point where the story starts Precia would have been sending out drones for a few weeks, long enough for the Senshi to know what they look like and how they fight. The cats in particular are sensitive to the kind of magic that Precia powers her drones with; in canon they get "bad vibes" when they're around sources of dark magic, so it's not much of a stretch for them to be able to sense that the magic powering Precia's drones is different from the usual stuff Dark Kingdom stuff. Since those drones are attacking them as well, that kind of magic goes under their "enemies" list after the first few times it shows up.
It is
very important to note that the cats have been completely reliant on feeling bad vibes to sniff out Dark Kingdom activity because Mercury was captured by the Dark Kingdom and the Mercury Computer is unavailable without her. On the plus side, sensing bad vibes has a 100% success rate, if also a rather tight detection range. Luna and Artemis following their noses has never lead the Senshi wrong in the past year, so when Luna gets a whiff of Fate and detects the same kind of magic as what's powering Precia's drones she leaps to the very logical conclusion that Fate is connected to them somehow. When she detects that same scent mixed in with Nanoha's own magic,
that's when the alarm bells start going off.
Fate might or might not be related to the Dark Kingdom. She might or might not be corrupting the Princess the way the other Senshi have been corrupted by the DK. The Senshi know this and they know they don't have rock-solid proof that Fate is an enemy. However they also know that they're losing in spite of everything they've done, and now the one chance they have of turning the tables might be in jeopardy. Even if they aren't totally sure that Fate is evil, they can't afford to take the chance that she is, because if they're wrong and the Dark Kingdom corrupts Nanoha then they may as well give up right then and there.
That's how I'd fix the basic premise. I'd have to go back and re-read the fic again to think of point-by-point corrections, but the gist of it is that this way uses most of the things that bissek doesn't care about like power level rebalancing for an even crossover and characters acting the way they're supposed to instead of being complete morons.