The White Devil of the Moon Chapter 6

AbyssalDaemon

Well-Known Member
#27
bissek said:
Deathsheadx said:
bissek said:
I've posted an updated version of the chapter.

Things I need help on in future chapters:

Many people have commented that the TSAB have been dominant for most of the story. I need a plausible way for them to screw up, probably connected with them being used to fighting police actions rather than wars. This will be connected to Zoicite's hunt for Precia.

The one Dark General I'm not sure what I'm going to do with is Nephrite. I'm considering having him in a similar situation to the anime - using Miyuki. Would that work? Does anyone have any alternative ideas?
hell no, you do not need to find a way for them to screw up, that sort of thinking is defeatist and rings false and forced, Quite frankly don't do it.
If both sides of a crossover aren't needed to resolve the problem, there's no point in having a crossover. I need the Senshi's input to be necessary, otherwise this is just "The Senshi sleep in while Fate and the Wolkenritter curbstomp Beryl".
I'd go with giving the Dark Kingdom access to the power levels and abilities of their manga counterparts. One of the nastier abilities (for a Nanoha mage) that all SM-manga characters had was being able to instantly use, and modify their spells on the fly and not have to wait to build up/gather energy for the bigger spells.
 

BloodRevan

Well-Known Member
#28
I wonder at the reactions when Yuuno informs everyone that Metallia (and Beryl) are only responsible for what happened on the Moon and Earth, and even then only partially. Sailor Saturn doing her duty and bring down the Silence Glaive is why everything else in the system was destroyed, if memory serves.

If I understand correctly, it was Saturn's bring down the Glaive which allowed others besides those who died in Beryl's attack on the Moon to be included in Serenity's spell, including the Soldiers of the Outer Solar System. As I understand it, after Metallia's defeat Princess Serenity/Usagi was given a choice in which she could have restored the Moon Kingdom and I expect that had she done so, those Silenced by Saturn would have been raised, though this is speculation on my part.

Speaking of the Hivemind's favorite Death Star in a Miniskirt, will she and the other Senshi be appearing in the story, even if only in civilian identity.

And while I'm thinking of it, anyone know if there are any stories where Usagi chooses to restore the Moon Kingdom?

An interesting idea occurred to me while typing this: <a href='http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toba_catastrophe_theory' target='_blank' rel='nofollow'>Toba catastrophe theory</a>. Can you see my idea?

Same thing that makes me wish Bioware had done a little more research before deciding that humanity's genitic deversity was a major reason the Collectors were after human colonies in Mass Effect 2. Make more sense if our genetic bottleneck was the reason. In fact, too wide a diversity could be the reason the Prothean Reaper failed. Hmm...
 
D

Deleted member 5249

Guest
#29
QS didn't do a spell in the manga. After the outers confirmed everyone was dead Saturn appeared and destroyed what remained so everyone else could reincarnate. The only planets with Life were Earth and Moon. The rest weren't capable of life.
 

Deathsheadx

Well-Known Member
#30
bissek said:
Deathsheadx said:
bissek said:
I've posted an updated version of the chapter.

Things I need help on in future chapters:

Many people have commented that the TSAB have been dominant for most of the story. I need a plausible way for them to screw up, probably connected with them being used to fighting police actions rather than wars. This will be connected to Zoicite's hunt for Precia.

The one Dark General I'm not sure what I'm going to do with is Nephrite. I'm considering having him in a similar situation to the anime - using Miyuki. Would that work? Does anyone have any alternative ideas?
hell no, you do not need to find a way for them to screw up, that sort of thinking is defeatist and rings false and forced, Quite frankly don't do it.
If both sides of a crossover aren't needed to resolve the problem, there's no point in having a crossover. I need the Senshi's input to be necessary, otherwise this is just "The Senshi sleep in while Fate and the Wolkenritter curbstomp Beryl".
the problem is the idea you put forward is Artificial.

as much as you may not like it, if the natural flow of the story lends itself to "The Senshi sleep in while Fate and the Wolkenritter curbstomp Beryl".

then you go with it.

if through natural progression a point comes up where you can even things out, you go with it.

The worse thing to do in a story like this is attempt to force a path. it will plague your thoughts later as you have to continue to force the story along a path just to retain consistency. on this i speak from personal experience i write fics for my enjoyment and the enjoyment of others, i've even posted a few. but my hard drives are littered with stories i eventually had to abandon because i tried to force a path, and found myself unable to go where i wanted in the story at later stages because i had to maintain consistency with the path i had chosen. it made the story more of a chore and i have abandoned quite a few.

if you really think there is a disparity that needs fixing it's best to go back to the start and fix it then, rather than later in the game.
 

Prince Charon

Well-Known Member
#31
SeiyaxUsagi said:
QS didn't do a spell in the manga. After the outers confirmed everyone was dead Saturn appeared and destroyed what remained so everyone else could reincarnate. The only planets with Life were Earth and Moon. The rest weren't capable of life.
... and there was something about 'life needed to start its evolution all over, again' after Saturn did her thing, which if taken literally puts the date of manga Silver Millennium around 3.5 billion years ago.
 
D

Deleted member 5249

Guest
#32
It wasn't because of Saturn. A fully awoken Metalia poisoned Earth to the point that it forced humanity to go through evolution again and turn the Moon Kingdom to Stone.

Saturn just cleaned up the dead bodies so their souls can reincarnate.
 

Aarik

Well-Known Member
#33
SeiyaxUsagi said:
It wasn't because of Saturn. A fully awoken Metalia poisoned Earth to the point that it forced humanity to go through evolution again and turn the Moon Kingdom to Stone.

Saturn just cleaned up the dead bodies so their souls can reincarnate.
That still means the 3.5 billion years thing is true.

Since starting evolution over implies forming single celled life-AGAIN- and moving up to multi celled organism's and such.

That takes billions of years.

Now if they were knocked back to say, apes, it would only take about 500,000 years or so.

Of course, humans evolving again would NEVER EVER actually happen but whatever, magic is involved.
 

marthf1

Well-Known Member
#34
Are you seriously trying to apply science to a magical girl series? Especially considering humans or humanoids existed throughout the galaxy?
 
D

Deleted member 5249

Guest
#35
Aarik said:
SeiyaxUsagi said:
It wasn't because of Saturn. A fully awoken Metalia poisoned Earth to the point that it forced humanity to go through evolution again and turn the Moon Kingdom to Stone.

Saturn just cleaned up the dead bodies so their souls can reincarnate.
That still means the 3.5 billion years thing is true.

Since starting evolution over implies forming single celled life-AGAIN- and moving up to multi celled organism's and such.

That takes billions of years.

Now if they were knocked back to say, apes, it would only take about 500,000 years or so.

Of course, humans evolving again would NEVER EVER actually happen but whatever, magic is involved.
I'm not arguing that just pointing out that Metalia Is the true cause of it not Saturn.
 

Prince Charon

Well-Known Member
#36
SeiyaxUsagi said:
Aarik said:
SeiyaxUsagi said:
It wasn't because of Saturn. A fully awoken Metalia poisoned Earth to the point that it forced humanity to go through evolution again and turn the Moon Kingdom to Stone.

Saturn just cleaned up the dead bodies so their souls can reincarnate.
That still means the 3.5 billion years thing is true.

Since starting evolution over implies forming single celled life-AGAIN- and moving up to multi celled organism's and such.

That takes billions of years.

Now if they were knocked back to say, apes, it would only take about 500,000 years or so.

Of course, humans evolving again would NEVER EVER actually happen but whatever, magic is involved.
I'm not arguing that just pointing out that Metalia Is the true cause of it not Saturn.
At no point did I say it was Saturn's fault.
 
D

Deleted member 5249

Guest
#37
Prince Charon said:
SeiyaxUsagi said:
Aarik said:
SeiyaxUsagi said:
It wasn't because of Saturn. A fully awoken Metalia poisoned Earth to the point that it forced humanity to go through evolution again and turn the Moon Kingdom to Stone.

Saturn just cleaned up the dead bodies so their souls can reincarnate.
That still means the 3.5 billion years thing is true.

Since starting evolution over implies forming single celled life-AGAIN- and moving up to multi celled organism's and such.

That takes billions of years.

Now if they were knocked back to say, apes, it would only take about 500,000 years or so.

Of course, humans evolving again would NEVER EVER actually happen but whatever, magic is involved.
I'm not arguing that just pointing out that Metalia Is the true cause of it not Saturn.
At no point did I say it was Saturn's fault.
Was correcting Bloodrevan's post not you Charon.
 

Prince Charon

Well-Known Member
#38
SeiyaxUsagi said:
Prince Charon said:
SeiyaxUsagi said:
Aarik said:
SeiyaxUsagi said:
It wasn't because of Saturn. A fully awoken Metalia poisoned Earth to the point that it forced humanity to go through evolution again and turn the Moon Kingdom to Stone.

Saturn just cleaned up the dead bodies so their souls can reincarnate.
That still means the 3.5 billion years thing is true.

Since starting evolution over implies forming single celled life-AGAIN- and moving up to multi celled organism's and such.

That takes billions of years.

Now if they were knocked back to say, apes, it would only take about 500,000 years or so.

Of course, humans evolving again would NEVER EVER actually happen but whatever, magic is involved.
I'm not arguing that just pointing out that Metalia Is the true cause of it not Saturn.
At no point did I say it was Saturn's fault.
Was correcting Bloodrevan's post not you Charon.
Ah. OK.
 
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