Done with the help of Myukus!
1. Calling in fake temporal anomalies is not appreciated by Starfleet.
2. Attempting to create a temporal anomaly to bolster your claim is likewise frowned upon.
3. Claiming the order was issued to your counterpart from a parallel universe is not a reason to ignore it.
4. Spraying a fire extinguisher in Engineering while screaming, "BREACH!" is grounds for court martial.
5. Telling Lt. Com. Data that Wednesday is Nude Work Day is not funny, nor is erasing the experience from his memory to do it again. This will be investigated.
6. There is no Kirk Award for sleeping with the most alien women. Stop telling the cadets there is.
7. Stop stealing other people's uniforms. Wearing red is NOT a death sentence.
8. Holodecks are not to be used to create holograms of your superiors to beat and/or sleep with.
9. Nor to create holograms of subordinates. Why do we have to specifically state this?
10. Starfleet will not create nor has it ever created its own Death Star. Quit telling the Romulans this.
11. Tetris + Tactical station. BAD IDEA.
12. Starfleet Command is not under the Jedi Council, nor is Admiral Simmons actually a Sith Lord. Jedi are not real, we don't care how often you claim a Q made it so.
13. You are not 'too studly' to be assimilated. We don't care what you use to get lucky, but stop using that. We are tired of people showing up at Starfleet Medical asking to have the same procedure done to them.
14. While we're discussing the Borg, we should mention that it is unwise to moon a drone.
15. Or Klingon warriors. Or Romulans via the view screen. How the hell did you not get blown up for that?
16. Shuttlecraft are not to be modified without express consent from the commanding officer in charge of the unit. We don't care how much 'cooler they'd be' when you are done 'pimpin' them.
17. Drift-racing a starship is incredibly foolish. We don't care if Sulu did it first.
18. Negotiations are not to include a 'kegger'. We don't care if this did settle that massive Klingon dispute.
19. When preparing for First Contact, make sure you actually read the cultural dossier you are provided. Then you might have known that they considered 'chest-bumps' a declaration of war.
20. The Main Sensor Array or any Sensor Array cannot be commandeered because you believe you can use them to find buried treasure. And no, a lost can of alcohol is not lost treasure
21. Screaming after using the transporter and claiming to be dying is not funny. Next time, we really will beam your groin into deep space.
22. While Klingons DO like to fight, a bar-fight is NOT considered a diplomatic function.
23. The Vulcan High Command has asked us to inform you there is no waiting list to 'bang a babe going Pon Farr'. Quit asking.
24. Stop using the warp field to accelerate 'pennies' to light speed. The archaeological division doesn't like losing artifacts, and the captain of that freighter is seeking damages.
25. Starfleet Command does not have Dragonballs. We will not discuss this any further.
26. Dragonballs do not exist, period. Why don't you understand this?
27. Using the environmental controls to make the women's exercise group sweat more is unethical to say the least.
28. We've erased the file where you got them to exercise nude. If we catch you trying to distribute it again, we WILL tell the women.
29. Just because the motto is to "Boldly go where no man has gone before" is not proof that virgin females cannot graduate Starfleet Academy. Stop telling the cadets this, some believed you.
30. Tricorders do NOT cause cancer. You will be punished if you keep lying to the cadets.
31. You are not authorized to perform immediate surgery with a hand phaser. Nor can you force a cadet to submit to it. You're just lucky that grew back.
32. You are not allowed to keep an Orion Animal Woman in your quarters. Slavery is a crime in the Federation.
33. We don't care what those natives said: you cannot claim you are married to the fifth floor of the women's dorm just because you painted a symbol on their doors.
34. Replacing all the anti-virals in Sick Bay with narcotics, then claiming an outbreak of Rigelian Flu will result in disaster every time. Stop trying to get it 'right'.
35. We do not give narcotics to new planets that join the Federation. You are just lucky that cocaine had no effect on the Holijians.
36. Beaming tribbles into the captain's quarters is not a proper apology for walking naked into his ready-room.
37. Saying the transporter forgot to materialize your clothes is not an excuse. One more time and we will transport you into the Brig after every mission.
38. You are not in charge of the ship when your superiors aren't around. Policy requires you to wake the captain when answering a distress call.
39. Not every emergency can be solved by 'nuking it'. We don't care what the Sci-Fi channel claims.
40. Stunning your superior with a phaser is not a suitable means to get him out of harm's way in a fire fight.
41. You cannot put a plate on the back of every ship that says "W.W.J.T.K.D.". We don't care what you think Kirk would do.
42. We do care if you believe this means sleeping with any available female. You cannot demand the enemy ship hand over their 'hotties'.
43. Using photon torpedoes to knock asteroids into black holes is not a game called "Space Pool". It is a dangerous situation involving anti-matter and quantum singularities. Being fun doesn't make it a good idea.
44. Using phasers to knock comets into wormholes is even worse. We barely understand wormholes. You understand them even less.
45. We don't care if the Bajoran Prophets revealed it to you. You cannot take a Sovereign Class vessel on a road trip.
46. Using a shuttlecraft to ferry passengers from planet to planet in exchange for currency is a violation of policy. No, we won't ignore it in exchange for a cut of the profits. You didn't earn THAT much.
47. You are not a private mercenary. And even if you were, that was Starfleet equipment you used! No, we don't want a cut!
48. Selling your captain to the Romulans: We don't know where to begin. Trying to bribe us with a cut: Stop it. What makes you think we can be bought?
49. Replicators may not be used to distribute mass mailings to the crew. Especially mailings entitled, "The Captain's a Prick".
50. Mutinies only work if you have the support of your fellow crew members. Trying to commandeer the bridge with the help of school children armed with crayons just makes you look dumb.
1. Calling in fake temporal anomalies is not appreciated by Starfleet.
2. Attempting to create a temporal anomaly to bolster your claim is likewise frowned upon.
3. Claiming the order was issued to your counterpart from a parallel universe is not a reason to ignore it.
4. Spraying a fire extinguisher in Engineering while screaming, "BREACH!" is grounds for court martial.
5. Telling Lt. Com. Data that Wednesday is Nude Work Day is not funny, nor is erasing the experience from his memory to do it again. This will be investigated.
6. There is no Kirk Award for sleeping with the most alien women. Stop telling the cadets there is.
7. Stop stealing other people's uniforms. Wearing red is NOT a death sentence.
8. Holodecks are not to be used to create holograms of your superiors to beat and/or sleep with.
9. Nor to create holograms of subordinates. Why do we have to specifically state this?
10. Starfleet will not create nor has it ever created its own Death Star. Quit telling the Romulans this.
11. Tetris + Tactical station. BAD IDEA.
12. Starfleet Command is not under the Jedi Council, nor is Admiral Simmons actually a Sith Lord. Jedi are not real, we don't care how often you claim a Q made it so.
13. You are not 'too studly' to be assimilated. We don't care what you use to get lucky, but stop using that. We are tired of people showing up at Starfleet Medical asking to have the same procedure done to them.
14. While we're discussing the Borg, we should mention that it is unwise to moon a drone.
15. Or Klingon warriors. Or Romulans via the view screen. How the hell did you not get blown up for that?
16. Shuttlecraft are not to be modified without express consent from the commanding officer in charge of the unit. We don't care how much 'cooler they'd be' when you are done 'pimpin' them.
17. Drift-racing a starship is incredibly foolish. We don't care if Sulu did it first.
18. Negotiations are not to include a 'kegger'. We don't care if this did settle that massive Klingon dispute.
19. When preparing for First Contact, make sure you actually read the cultural dossier you are provided. Then you might have known that they considered 'chest-bumps' a declaration of war.
20. The Main Sensor Array or any Sensor Array cannot be commandeered because you believe you can use them to find buried treasure. And no, a lost can of alcohol is not lost treasure
21. Screaming after using the transporter and claiming to be dying is not funny. Next time, we really will beam your groin into deep space.
22. While Klingons DO like to fight, a bar-fight is NOT considered a diplomatic function.
23. The Vulcan High Command has asked us to inform you there is no waiting list to 'bang a babe going Pon Farr'. Quit asking.
24. Stop using the warp field to accelerate 'pennies' to light speed. The archaeological division doesn't like losing artifacts, and the captain of that freighter is seeking damages.
25. Starfleet Command does not have Dragonballs. We will not discuss this any further.
26. Dragonballs do not exist, period. Why don't you understand this?
27. Using the environmental controls to make the women's exercise group sweat more is unethical to say the least.
28. We've erased the file where you got them to exercise nude. If we catch you trying to distribute it again, we WILL tell the women.
29. Just because the motto is to "Boldly go where no man has gone before" is not proof that virgin females cannot graduate Starfleet Academy. Stop telling the cadets this, some believed you.
30. Tricorders do NOT cause cancer. You will be punished if you keep lying to the cadets.
31. You are not authorized to perform immediate surgery with a hand phaser. Nor can you force a cadet to submit to it. You're just lucky that grew back.
32. You are not allowed to keep an Orion Animal Woman in your quarters. Slavery is a crime in the Federation.
33. We don't care what those natives said: you cannot claim you are married to the fifth floor of the women's dorm just because you painted a symbol on their doors.
34. Replacing all the anti-virals in Sick Bay with narcotics, then claiming an outbreak of Rigelian Flu will result in disaster every time. Stop trying to get it 'right'.
35. We do not give narcotics to new planets that join the Federation. You are just lucky that cocaine had no effect on the Holijians.
36. Beaming tribbles into the captain's quarters is not a proper apology for walking naked into his ready-room.
37. Saying the transporter forgot to materialize your clothes is not an excuse. One more time and we will transport you into the Brig after every mission.
38. You are not in charge of the ship when your superiors aren't around. Policy requires you to wake the captain when answering a distress call.
39. Not every emergency can be solved by 'nuking it'. We don't care what the Sci-Fi channel claims.
40. Stunning your superior with a phaser is not a suitable means to get him out of harm's way in a fire fight.
41. You cannot put a plate on the back of every ship that says "W.W.J.T.K.D.". We don't care what you think Kirk would do.
42. We do care if you believe this means sleeping with any available female. You cannot demand the enemy ship hand over their 'hotties'.
43. Using photon torpedoes to knock asteroids into black holes is not a game called "Space Pool". It is a dangerous situation involving anti-matter and quantum singularities. Being fun doesn't make it a good idea.
44. Using phasers to knock comets into wormholes is even worse. We barely understand wormholes. You understand them even less.
45. We don't care if the Bajoran Prophets revealed it to you. You cannot take a Sovereign Class vessel on a road trip.
46. Using a shuttlecraft to ferry passengers from planet to planet in exchange for currency is a violation of policy. No, we won't ignore it in exchange for a cut of the profits. You didn't earn THAT much.
47. You are not a private mercenary. And even if you were, that was Starfleet equipment you used! No, we don't want a cut!
48. Selling your captain to the Romulans: We don't know where to begin. Trying to bribe us with a cut: Stop it. What makes you think we can be bought?
49. Replicators may not be used to distribute mass mailings to the crew. Especially mailings entitled, "The Captain's a Prick".
50. Mutinies only work if you have the support of your fellow crew members. Trying to commandeer the bridge with the help of school children armed with crayons just makes you look dumb.