This has to be the greatest rant I've ever read...

[GenocideHeart]

Dear Nintendo:
YOUR COCKSUCKING PRODUCT HAS REDUCED ME TO A GIBBERING MAN-APE WHOSE ONLY RESORT TO DEALING WITH THE ALMIGHTY FUCKING GRIEF IT'S BESTOWED UPON ME IS TO SCREAM AND HURT MYSELF.

Seriously, I am jumping up and down and throwing my shit in handfuls at the fucking television in some impotent primal effort to get the thing to work. I have been sitting here trying to enjoy your product - YOUR PRODUCT, YOUR GAME, YOUR CONTRACT BETWEEN DEVELOPER AND CONSUMER THAT THE CONSUMER WILL ENJOY YOUR PRODUCT - but instead the damn thing's been crawling out of the console and taking warm shits in my gaping mouth. Swear to god, you should have just added a little door to the console through which a hand pops out and flips me off, because I am insulted that your QA or testers or whatever brainless shitstove three genes short of a monkey FAGNUT signs your games through thought that a person with more than a single fucking digit IQ could enjoy Story Mode Chapter 7. INSULTED.

WORK WITH ME HERE: The goal's simple enough! Come in first! Hey, that's fine, it's just like playing the grand fucking prix; not a problem! Only deal is your cross-eyed team of tongue-slapping wunderkind decided to give the game every single fucking advantage possible TO THE GAME rather than me.

How in the fuck does Black Shadow - whose car is the heaviest and lamest piece of shit next to the Crazy Bear - suddenly become SO FUCKING GOOD that he can stay in first without using a drop of boost? Huh!? Why!? You never see this shithead anywhere near the top fucking 20 in a normal race. BUT HO HO HO THIS TIME HE'S MEGA-COCK, THE FASTEST FAGGOT IN THE WORLD. 1.21 GIGAWATTS MARTY, LET'S GO BACK TO THE FUCKING FUTURE.

But it's not just Black Shadow with the magical powers, it's the entire fucking lineup of racers! THEY'RE ALL FASTER THAN YOU. AND DON'T REQUIRE ANY BOOST.

But but but I of course, am still driving some piece of shit hamster-powered jalopy who guzzles it's entire energy bar in no less than four fucking boosts! Add to this the entire course just got shitted on by some retarded space tiki volacano god and you've got a course full of hazards that'll drain at least 1/4 of your energy bar JUST BECAUSE IT CAN. WHOOPIE.

HURRR, you say. THAT'S JUST THE CHALLENGE. IT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE EASY. Well fuck that noise, you lopsided frankenfaced fuckfurter.

Tell me, please, why does the GAME have to win? Huh? What happens when the game wins and I lose? Is there some huge fucking kegger waiting for it when it gets done? Is there money involved? Or perhaps the motives are more sinister. Maybe the game's family is being held hostage by another game and that game has it's cock in F-Zero's wife's mouth and he's holding a cell phone up to her and F-Zero can hear her pained moans and cries for help and the asshole game then says, "You beat that cock-sucking human, or I'll blow her brains out." I COULD UNDERSTAND THAT. I CAN BE SYMPATHETIC.

It's not any fun if I can't win, you faggots. I want to move on. I want to unlock whatever piece of shit clown car you have hidden away from me so I can start racing and get pissed off with that too. When your game prevents me from fully enjoying the product I have bought you have failed in your fucking mission to deliver a game. You lose! You break the contract! You contract the gay and fucking DIE DIE DIE.

This wins in so many ways I'm not sure where to start. The best part of it is, it's ALL TRUE. :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

 

[runestar]

Sure, blame others for their own lack of skill. That has to be the number 1 excuse pervading the game forums. <_<

Whenever anyone complains of a game being too tough, they usually neglect the key factor: They suck. :lol:

Do you have any posts of anyone responding to his rant about the game being too easy? That sure would shut him up. :flameon:

 

[GenocideHeart]

Sure, blame others for their own lack of skill. That has to be the number 1 excuse pervading the game forums. <_<

Whenever anyone complains of a game being too tough, they usually neglect the key factor: They suck. :lol:

Do you have any posts of anyone responding to his rant about the game being too easy? That sure would shut him up. :flameon:

This guy actually has a point. Black shadow has one of the worst cars in the whole game, but in the Chapter 7 of the game, the CPU's skill suddenly spikes, and they get a ton of advantages, making beating them almost impossible.

For once, it's not lack of skill, it's the game cheating.

 

[runestar]

Actually, since time memorial, all games cheat. It's the only way their sucky AI can contend with the human intelligence factor. It's expected and necessary. B)

That's why in games like Diablo2, you have foes with ridiculously inflated hp/resistances/immunities/damage etc. Warcraft3 campaign missions on hard setting has units building at an insanely fast rate, gold mines that never deplete and foes that swarm you routinely with armies 10 times your own number. People initially complained when they first faced Zero in KOF, with his attacks that took away 50% of your life with a simple combo, now, I see them trouncing him with nary a sweat, once they identified his attack patterns and adapted their tactics to counter them. In NWN, foes have tons more hp than PnP versions, to make up for the lack of human adaptability.

The computer is dead. I believe it can be worked around.

 

[Moshulel]

The computer is dead. I believe it can be worked around. smile.gif

Your speed = 75 max

CPU speed = never under 80

You work around this... unless you take the lead from the start and drive flawlesy you have no chance.

 

[runestar]

You work around this... unless you take the lead from the start and drive flawlesy you have no chance.

Maybe that was their intention right from the start?

 

[Israfel]

This wins in so many ways I'm not sure where to start. The best part of it is, it's ALL TRUE.? ?

Gah, I swear, how many controllers do you think this guys busted over his lifetime? That made me laugh so hard though as I was reading it. :rofl:

 

[Moshulel]

You work around this... unless you take the lead from the start and drive flawlesy you have no chance.

Maybe that was their intention right from the start?

Humans make errors, it's a fact and even the best racers in real life take a slower turn or slow down a bit before they enter a particular section of the road. Now as a game player i expect the game to allow me to enjoy myself, not to ask from me to behave like a mindless machine.

I think you noticed such examples around. I don't think you liked them... :sweat:

 

[SMWhat]

I played F-Zero, once.

I don't remember a lot, but there were a lot of lights. And losing. A lot of losing. And weeping, but I think that might have been me.

 

[toraneko]

You work around this... unless you take the lead from the start and drive flawlesy you have no chance.

Maybe that was their intention right from the start?

That's a clear symptom of crappy game design if I ever saw it.

 

[GenocideHeart]

That's a clear symptom of crappy game design if I ever saw it.

It is a Nintendo game. Crappy balance is nothing new for them. :sweat:

 

[Moshulel]

That's a clear symptom of crappy game design if I ever saw it.

It is a Nintendo game. Crappy balance is nothing new for them. :sweat:

That's one of the reasons i don't play Nintendo games anymore...

You design them for machines? Then let machines play them. :sweat:

 

[Dark Knight Gafgar]

It's times like this that you play dirty and RUN THE OTHER RACERS OFF THE ROAD (if the game allows you to, anyway - if not you throw the game out the window and go molest some Elf chick).