I wasn't sure about posting this here since 1) I don't know how many people are actually familiar with Top Gear, and 2) as this is supposed to be an episode of a TV show, I'm writing in script format, but meh. This was inspired by <a href='http://forums.spacebattles.com/showthread.php?t=171031' target='_blank' rel='nofollow'>a thread on Spacebattles,</a> and <a href='http://www.eyrie.net/UF/FI/SOS/roadfilm.html' target='_blank' rel='nofollow'>a couple</a> <a href='http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4819962/1/' target='_blank' rel='nofollow'>stories.</a> The general idea is that each episode will involve cars/vehicles from a different sci-fi game/show/book/etc. I have the first episode outlined; here's what I've actually written so far.
***
Theme "Jessica" by Allman Brothers Band plays.
Clarkson (VO): Tonight on Top Gear, I climb a mountain!
Clarkson is shown strapped inside some type of vehicle, bouncing around the driver's seat.
Clarkson (muffled from all the movement): Suspension... could be better.
Clarkson (VO): Hammond climbs a mountain.
Hammond is driving, occasionally rising up in the seat only to fall back down a second later. On the up-bounces his helmet barely grazes the ceiling.
Hammond: Times like this I'm thankful I'm not Clarkson.
Hammond pauses, considering.
Hammond: Well, all times, really.
Clarkson (VO): And James climbs a mountain.
May is calm in his seat, looking like he's on a leisurely afternoon drive.
May (over his radio): How's the ride quality over there, Clarkson? *laughs*
Cut to a shot of all three presenters standing out in the wilderness, staring up at a rugged mountain range. Fade to Top Gear logo.
Theme ends.
Fade to interior of Top Gear studio. Clarkson is standing on the news stage.
Clarkson: Hello and welcome to the 22nd century!
Audience applauds.
Clarkson: Yes, as a special treat for tonightÆs series premiere, weÆre coming to you from the future!
Clarkson raises his hands in a placating gesture.
Clarkson: I know, I know, it appears as if nothingÆs changed, but thatÆs just due to the very simple fact thatà well, nothing has.
Clarkson steps off the stage.
Clarkson: To prove it, you need only have a look at this. *points right*
Pan to Hammond standing next to what is obviously a blue Porsche 911, albeit slightly larger than weÆve seen before.
Hammond: Now, what we have here is the new 2185 Porsche 911 Carrera. It looks, well letÆs be honest, it looks the same as every 911 since they started making them.
Clarkson steps into view.
Clarkson: Which was quite a while ago, as the first recorded driver of one was known simply by the name ôAdam.ö
Hammond: YouÆll notice I didnÆt say it was a bad thing.
Outside, Top Gear test track. Hammond is leaning against the 911.
Hammond: At first blush, this new model hasnÆt any radical changes. ItÆs still rear-wheel drive and itÆs still got the engine in the back, like any sensible Porsche.
Hammond climbs into the driverÆs seat.
Cut to aerial view of Hammond speeding around the track, powersliding the corners and kicking up loads of smoke.
Hammond (VO): And it handles even better than youÆd expect from a 911, which is quite frankly amazing. I could barely notice even a hint of oversteer or understeer.
Cut to Hammond inside the car.
Hammond (looking at camera): You wonÆt find any fancy flight mode, anti-grav or other such extras, since unfortunately after everyday space-flight became commonplace, the car was sort ofà I donÆt want to say forgotten, but I suppose it went *shudders* out of style. WhatÆs the point of a car, theyÆd say, when you could just get on a ship, shuttle, or what have you and be at your destination within minutes. Well, so long as youÆre staying on the planet.
Hammond spins the wheel, correcting a turn. Smoke can be seen outside the window.
Hammond: What we do have is a 6-litre V12 engine with four turbochargers. On your standard Carrera! ItÆs not even an S or a GT! Can you believe it? I guess the future is good for something after all. This beauty will give you, and IÆm not joking, 1,250 brake horsepower.
Outside. The Porsche pulls up to the edge of the runway, facing the opposite side.
Hammond (VO): Over 1,000 bhp. And not in a Lamborghini, Ferrari, or other Italian supercar. This is commonplace for your sports coupÚs in this day and age. Consider that for a moment.
Back inside the car. Hammond is staring at the camera with an arm draped across the back of the passengerÆs seat.
Hammond: To add to the millennia stats, itÆs got 1,130 foot pounds of torque, which is just enoughà to drag down the moon.
Hammond glances down the runway, then back to the camera.
Hammond: Now, as you can imagine, this car is quick. ItÆll go from naught to 60 in 2.4 seconds. Naught to 100 in 5 flat. The gearbox is an 8-speed manual, and the designers tell us it will do slightly to the north of 300 miles per hour.
Hammond sighs and drops his arm.
Hammond: And as much as IÆd love to test that, we simply donÆt have enough road here. So to give you an idea of what weÆre on about, in true Top Gear tradition, weÆll have a drag race.
Aerial camera. The 911Æs engine is now off.
Hammond (VO): We knew it would be hard to compare the Porsche to anything else they have now, since this is the future and youÆve not seen any cars other than the 911. So what weÆve done is, weÆve brought back something you will recognize.
Hammond gets out and walks in front of the car as a Bugatti Veyron pulls up alongside it. Clarkson exits and joins Hammond.
Clarkson: The 2010 Bugatti Veyron SuperSport. You may remember this as the fastest road carà in the world. On the previous series Captain Slow took one of these for a nice spin around a track in Germany, clocking in a top speed of 259 miles per hour. That in mind, with me at the wheel it should have no problems beating RichardÆs quaint little Porsche. *smirks*
Hammond: I wouldnÆt be so sure, mate. That may have been a record-setter in 2010, but here in the 22nd century Porsche may have topped it.
Hammond pats the 911 on the bonnet while Clarkson rolls his eyes.
Hammond: Right, since thereÆs no other way to settle this, letÆs get to it. WeÆll be starting here and racing down the entire length of the runway, ending at the rather large sign with the word ôSTOPö on it. At the speeds weÆll be going, if we donÆt hit the brakes then, well letÆs just say Porsche wonÆt be getting their deposit back.
Both men get in their respective cars. A crew member comes up to the side, holding a green flag. Hammond and Clarkson start their engines.
Cut to shot of Hammond, both hands on the wheel, glancing back and forth between the flagger and the runway.
Cut to Clarkson, one hand on the gearshift, one on the wheel, facing the runway but with eyes on the flagger.
Cut back to flagger. He holds up a hand with three fingers raised. One is lowered, then the next. Finally he waves the flag, signaling the start.
Both cars squeal and smoke as they pull out, tires trying to get a good grip on the pavement. After a second the Porsche starts to slowly take the lead.
Cut to Clarkson in the Bugatti.
Clarkson (glancing out the window): Damn! HeÆs got slightly quicker acceleration in the 911, but the VeyronÆs lighter, so I thought IÆd just have the edge. Yet heÆs still pulling ahead.
Inside the Porsche, Hammond is laughing while his eyes flicker towards the Veyron.
Hammond: Haha! All those torques are good for something after all! *glances at speedometer* 80, 90, 100à and still climbing!
Outside shot. The 911 is about a car length ahead of the Veyron.
Cut to Clarkson looking fairly disappointed.
Clarkson: IÆm not gonna catch him. These cars are so similar that since he had the better start, thereÆs almost no chance to overtake, short of him buggering it up.
Overhead shot of both cars. TheyÆre nearing the finish.
Back to Hammond. HeÆs looking backwards at the Veyron.
Hammond: Take that Clarkson! Your suped-up SuperSport supercar is no match for the good olÆ Porsche 911.
Cut to outside view. The Bugatti brakes at the sign, but Hammond unknowingly passes it while looking back at Clarkson.
Cut to inside of Veyron. Clarkson covers a wince.
Clarkson: Ooh, thatÆs not good; we mightÆve just seen the end of Richard Hammond.
Inside of 911. Hammond has finally turned around, and is in a bit of a panic.
Hammond: I mayÆve made a slight mistake there. Whilst taunting Jeremy, I seem to have past the point of no return. IÆve got to correct this.
Hammond slams on the brakes and turns the wheel.
Cut to outside, aerial view. Smoke is pouring from the wheels of the Porsche as it brakes. It spins sideways, still heading towards the end of the road.
Cut back to Hammond, a look of concentration on his face.
Back outside. The car has come to a stop completely turned around, the back wheels only barely on the pavement. Smoke surrounds the car.
Cut to Hammond, who sags back in his seat, looking relieved. Fade out.
Fade in to Top Gear studio. Hammond is sitting inside the 911 with the driverÆs door open. Clarkson is standing beside it.
Clarkson: Once again, Hammond has narrowly avoided death. We should make a bit of a drinking game of it. Each time Richard nearly dies, down a pint.
Hammond: Completely worth it though. Amazing car.
Clarkson: Yes, IÆm not even surprised I lost. The 911 is simply better than the Bugatti in almost every way. Which it should be. Actually, no. It should be even better than it is. Over a hundred years, Porsche! WhatÆve you been doing all this time?! It obviously wasnÆt coming up with anything new for your cars. Every single bit of technology in that thing *points aggressively at 911* was possible back in 2010. Where are the innovations? IÆm simply not impressed, if IÆm honest.
Hammond: But-
Clarkson (interrupts): No, sorry, if this was 2012 or 13, then maybe. But this far into the future IÆd expectedà more.
Hammond: Did you not listen earlier when I said ôout of style?ö Really, nowadays most people just donÆt drive like they used to. What with the advent of the X3M speeder, the world of motoring barely even exists anymore. ThereÆs no demand for cars, therefore the car companies that do still exist donÆt feel the need to invent something that wonÆt be used by more than the hundred or so people who still enjoy going out for an occasional drive.
Clarkson is looking gobsmacked.
Clarkson: àIÆm honestly speechless right now. Thank God weÆre not staying much longer. Why did we even come to the future again?
Hammond: Did we have a choice?
Clarkson: Ah. Right.
Camera turns to shot of the dashboard.
Clarkson: Hammond, I canÆt help but notice something. One thing I do remember you saying was there werenÆt any extras.
Hammond (nodding): I did say that, yes.
Clarkson: That being the case, whatÆs that?
Zoom in to a small button on the gearshift.
Hammond: Ah, well, I may have fibbed a bit. There may be one or two things. That happens to be the boost.
Clarkson: Boost?! The car already reportedly does 300, which we canÆt even check! How can there be a boost?
Hammond: There just is, mate.
Clarkson: Boost. *shakes head* I canÆtà anyway, anything else youÆd like to tell us?
Hammond: Well, you know that *mockingly* non-innovative engine? It runs on Helium-3, meaning in addition to practically never having to fill it up, it runs near completely clean.
Clarkson (to camera): Well there you have it. *claps hands together* The 2185 Porsche 911 Carrera. Not only is it faster than a Veyron, itÆs greener as well.
***
A cookie to the first person who figures out this episode's crossover.
***
Theme "Jessica" by Allman Brothers Band plays.
Clarkson (VO): Tonight on Top Gear, I climb a mountain!
Clarkson is shown strapped inside some type of vehicle, bouncing around the driver's seat.
Clarkson (muffled from all the movement): Suspension... could be better.
Clarkson (VO): Hammond climbs a mountain.
Hammond is driving, occasionally rising up in the seat only to fall back down a second later. On the up-bounces his helmet barely grazes the ceiling.
Hammond: Times like this I'm thankful I'm not Clarkson.
Hammond pauses, considering.
Hammond: Well, all times, really.
Clarkson (VO): And James climbs a mountain.
May is calm in his seat, looking like he's on a leisurely afternoon drive.
May (over his radio): How's the ride quality over there, Clarkson? *laughs*
Cut to a shot of all three presenters standing out in the wilderness, staring up at a rugged mountain range. Fade to Top Gear logo.
Theme ends.
Fade to interior of Top Gear studio. Clarkson is standing on the news stage.
Clarkson: Hello and welcome to the 22nd century!
Audience applauds.
Clarkson: Yes, as a special treat for tonightÆs series premiere, weÆre coming to you from the future!
Clarkson raises his hands in a placating gesture.
Clarkson: I know, I know, it appears as if nothingÆs changed, but thatÆs just due to the very simple fact thatà well, nothing has.
Clarkson steps off the stage.
Clarkson: To prove it, you need only have a look at this. *points right*
Pan to Hammond standing next to what is obviously a blue Porsche 911, albeit slightly larger than weÆve seen before.
Hammond: Now, what we have here is the new 2185 Porsche 911 Carrera. It looks, well letÆs be honest, it looks the same as every 911 since they started making them.
Clarkson steps into view.
Clarkson: Which was quite a while ago, as the first recorded driver of one was known simply by the name ôAdam.ö
Hammond: YouÆll notice I didnÆt say it was a bad thing.
Outside, Top Gear test track. Hammond is leaning against the 911.
Hammond: At first blush, this new model hasnÆt any radical changes. ItÆs still rear-wheel drive and itÆs still got the engine in the back, like any sensible Porsche.
Hammond climbs into the driverÆs seat.
Cut to aerial view of Hammond speeding around the track, powersliding the corners and kicking up loads of smoke.
Hammond (VO): And it handles even better than youÆd expect from a 911, which is quite frankly amazing. I could barely notice even a hint of oversteer or understeer.
Cut to Hammond inside the car.
Hammond (looking at camera): You wonÆt find any fancy flight mode, anti-grav or other such extras, since unfortunately after everyday space-flight became commonplace, the car was sort ofà I donÆt want to say forgotten, but I suppose it went *shudders* out of style. WhatÆs the point of a car, theyÆd say, when you could just get on a ship, shuttle, or what have you and be at your destination within minutes. Well, so long as youÆre staying on the planet.
Hammond spins the wheel, correcting a turn. Smoke can be seen outside the window.
Hammond: What we do have is a 6-litre V12 engine with four turbochargers. On your standard Carrera! ItÆs not even an S or a GT! Can you believe it? I guess the future is good for something after all. This beauty will give you, and IÆm not joking, 1,250 brake horsepower.
Outside. The Porsche pulls up to the edge of the runway, facing the opposite side.
Hammond (VO): Over 1,000 bhp. And not in a Lamborghini, Ferrari, or other Italian supercar. This is commonplace for your sports coupÚs in this day and age. Consider that for a moment.
Back inside the car. Hammond is staring at the camera with an arm draped across the back of the passengerÆs seat.
Hammond: To add to the millennia stats, itÆs got 1,130 foot pounds of torque, which is just enoughà to drag down the moon.
Hammond glances down the runway, then back to the camera.
Hammond: Now, as you can imagine, this car is quick. ItÆll go from naught to 60 in 2.4 seconds. Naught to 100 in 5 flat. The gearbox is an 8-speed manual, and the designers tell us it will do slightly to the north of 300 miles per hour.
Hammond sighs and drops his arm.
Hammond: And as much as IÆd love to test that, we simply donÆt have enough road here. So to give you an idea of what weÆre on about, in true Top Gear tradition, weÆll have a drag race.
Aerial camera. The 911Æs engine is now off.
Hammond (VO): We knew it would be hard to compare the Porsche to anything else they have now, since this is the future and youÆve not seen any cars other than the 911. So what weÆve done is, weÆve brought back something you will recognize.
Hammond gets out and walks in front of the car as a Bugatti Veyron pulls up alongside it. Clarkson exits and joins Hammond.
Clarkson: The 2010 Bugatti Veyron SuperSport. You may remember this as the fastest road carà in the world. On the previous series Captain Slow took one of these for a nice spin around a track in Germany, clocking in a top speed of 259 miles per hour. That in mind, with me at the wheel it should have no problems beating RichardÆs quaint little Porsche. *smirks*
Hammond: I wouldnÆt be so sure, mate. That may have been a record-setter in 2010, but here in the 22nd century Porsche may have topped it.
Hammond pats the 911 on the bonnet while Clarkson rolls his eyes.
Hammond: Right, since thereÆs no other way to settle this, letÆs get to it. WeÆll be starting here and racing down the entire length of the runway, ending at the rather large sign with the word ôSTOPö on it. At the speeds weÆll be going, if we donÆt hit the brakes then, well letÆs just say Porsche wonÆt be getting their deposit back.
Both men get in their respective cars. A crew member comes up to the side, holding a green flag. Hammond and Clarkson start their engines.
Cut to shot of Hammond, both hands on the wheel, glancing back and forth between the flagger and the runway.
Cut to Clarkson, one hand on the gearshift, one on the wheel, facing the runway but with eyes on the flagger.
Cut back to flagger. He holds up a hand with three fingers raised. One is lowered, then the next. Finally he waves the flag, signaling the start.
Both cars squeal and smoke as they pull out, tires trying to get a good grip on the pavement. After a second the Porsche starts to slowly take the lead.
Cut to Clarkson in the Bugatti.
Clarkson (glancing out the window): Damn! HeÆs got slightly quicker acceleration in the 911, but the VeyronÆs lighter, so I thought IÆd just have the edge. Yet heÆs still pulling ahead.
Inside the Porsche, Hammond is laughing while his eyes flicker towards the Veyron.
Hammond: Haha! All those torques are good for something after all! *glances at speedometer* 80, 90, 100à and still climbing!
Outside shot. The 911 is about a car length ahead of the Veyron.
Cut to Clarkson looking fairly disappointed.
Clarkson: IÆm not gonna catch him. These cars are so similar that since he had the better start, thereÆs almost no chance to overtake, short of him buggering it up.
Overhead shot of both cars. TheyÆre nearing the finish.
Back to Hammond. HeÆs looking backwards at the Veyron.
Hammond: Take that Clarkson! Your suped-up SuperSport supercar is no match for the good olÆ Porsche 911.
Cut to outside view. The Bugatti brakes at the sign, but Hammond unknowingly passes it while looking back at Clarkson.
Cut to inside of Veyron. Clarkson covers a wince.
Clarkson: Ooh, thatÆs not good; we mightÆve just seen the end of Richard Hammond.
Inside of 911. Hammond has finally turned around, and is in a bit of a panic.
Hammond: I mayÆve made a slight mistake there. Whilst taunting Jeremy, I seem to have past the point of no return. IÆve got to correct this.
Hammond slams on the brakes and turns the wheel.
Cut to outside, aerial view. Smoke is pouring from the wheels of the Porsche as it brakes. It spins sideways, still heading towards the end of the road.
Cut back to Hammond, a look of concentration on his face.
Back outside. The car has come to a stop completely turned around, the back wheels only barely on the pavement. Smoke surrounds the car.
Cut to Hammond, who sags back in his seat, looking relieved. Fade out.
Fade in to Top Gear studio. Hammond is sitting inside the 911 with the driverÆs door open. Clarkson is standing beside it.
Clarkson: Once again, Hammond has narrowly avoided death. We should make a bit of a drinking game of it. Each time Richard nearly dies, down a pint.
Hammond: Completely worth it though. Amazing car.
Clarkson: Yes, IÆm not even surprised I lost. The 911 is simply better than the Bugatti in almost every way. Which it should be. Actually, no. It should be even better than it is. Over a hundred years, Porsche! WhatÆve you been doing all this time?! It obviously wasnÆt coming up with anything new for your cars. Every single bit of technology in that thing *points aggressively at 911* was possible back in 2010. Where are the innovations? IÆm simply not impressed, if IÆm honest.
Hammond: But-
Clarkson (interrupts): No, sorry, if this was 2012 or 13, then maybe. But this far into the future IÆd expectedà more.
Hammond: Did you not listen earlier when I said ôout of style?ö Really, nowadays most people just donÆt drive like they used to. What with the advent of the X3M speeder, the world of motoring barely even exists anymore. ThereÆs no demand for cars, therefore the car companies that do still exist donÆt feel the need to invent something that wonÆt be used by more than the hundred or so people who still enjoy going out for an occasional drive.
Clarkson is looking gobsmacked.
Clarkson: àIÆm honestly speechless right now. Thank God weÆre not staying much longer. Why did we even come to the future again?
Hammond: Did we have a choice?
Clarkson: Ah. Right.
Camera turns to shot of the dashboard.
Clarkson: Hammond, I canÆt help but notice something. One thing I do remember you saying was there werenÆt any extras.
Hammond (nodding): I did say that, yes.
Clarkson: That being the case, whatÆs that?
Zoom in to a small button on the gearshift.
Hammond: Ah, well, I may have fibbed a bit. There may be one or two things. That happens to be the boost.
Clarkson: Boost?! The car already reportedly does 300, which we canÆt even check! How can there be a boost?
Hammond: There just is, mate.
Clarkson: Boost. *shakes head* I canÆtà anyway, anything else youÆd like to tell us?
Hammond: Well, you know that *mockingly* non-innovative engine? It runs on Helium-3, meaning in addition to practically never having to fill it up, it runs near completely clean.
Clarkson (to camera): Well there you have it. *claps hands together* The 2185 Porsche 911 Carrera. Not only is it faster than a Veyron, itÆs greener as well.
***
A cookie to the first person who figures out this episode's crossover.