[TT] Titans, NO!

In 2011 back my friend EroSennin posted a fanfic entitled "Titans, No!" which you can find right here on FF.net. Like many of Ero's ideas, he had hoped to turn this into a recurring series of one shots. But he got distracted by real life and other things.

But that doesn't mean we can't have some fun with this concept ourselves.

To wit, I open up the "Titans, NO!" thread to write short, crazy snippets about Teen Titans set after Starfire's, er, offer to Robin. Terra works maintenance at the Tower and is involved with Beast Boy, Starfire is very unhappy with Robin, Raven is eying Robin more often (which also makes Starfire unhappy) and Cyborg is doing his level best to enjoy the hell out of the soap operas going on around him.

Use the New Teen Titans shorts for inspiration, just write away!

- - - - -

The nefarious Slade had once again appeared before the Teen Titans, hands behind his back.

"Hello Robin, Titans," Slade greeted.

"What the hell do you want, Slade?" Robin growled. He looked at his friends. "We're all seeing him, right?"

"Totally," Starfire said.

"Definitely," Beast Boy added.

"Yes," Raven said.

"Yes," Cyborg said, "but you still obsess over him way too much."

"I do not!" Robin protested.

"It's all right Robin. I have a bit of an obsession myself," Slade admitted.

Robin narrowed his eyes. "Yeah! With causing pain, destruction and misery!"

"That's more of a hobby, really," Slade said. "My real obsession..." And here Slade stared intensely at Robin and Raven, "is young heroes."

There was silence on the rooftop. A tumbleweed rolled by. Robin tried to get his jaw working and eventually succeeded.


"Come now Robin," Slade said, extending an open palm. "All those hours of trying to track my every move, of being my apprentice... Didn't that strike you as just a bit odd?"

"Dude, I so don't like where this is going," Beast Boy mumbled.

Robin was struggling to keep from throwing up.

"And I am not limited to just boys, no," Slade said, looking at Beast Boy. "Terra was all right... Little flat, but otherwise shaping up nicely."

Now Beast Boy was trying not to throw up, and was also fighting the temptation to just turn into a T-Rex and bite the asshole in half.

"Part of the reason I worked for Trigon was because I got to do what I wished with Raven," Slade said, now looking at Raven who was suddenly much paler.


"Not sure what that has to do with anything," Slade said. "Besides, you had a similar interest in her."

Robin and Raven both blushed bright red. Starfire snarled.

"Y-Yeah, but..." Robin gulped at Starfire glaring death at him, and looked back to Slade who was threatening to make him hurl. "We... We're the same age...!"

Slade's one visible eye blinked. "... And?"

"So wait a second," Beast Boy managed, "you're telling me you just go about all this crime in order to get your creepy pedo jollies?!"

Slade stared at the Titans. The Titans stared back. Slade coughed.

"... I think there's been a miscommunication," Slade managed. "I'm interested in young heroes in order to corrupt them-"

"Oh by Tamaran's orange sun please stop talking!" Starfire shouted.

"No no! I mean I'm interested in introducing them to the dark side of-"

"LALALALALALA!" Beast Boy screamed, sticking his fingers in his ears.

"Honestly, this is ridiculous!" Slade at last said angrily. "I was mainly interested in Raven for Trigon! Even more after he double crossed me!"

Robin glared. "You mean... When she was a loli?"

Slade blinked. "I suppose technically I-Wait-!"

And the creepiest and yet strangely most charismatic pederast in the DC universe got the crap beaten out of him before he was summarily thrown off the building.

- - - -


Well-Known Member
Is it odd that the creepiest thing in that whole snip, to me, is the fact that Robin knew the word and meaning of Loli?


Well-Known Member
Just read the original, the best part:

What on Earth could he tell her, the truth? Could he insult her intelligence with a honey-coated explanation? Oh God, that just awoke some painfully erotic imagery. NO! Robin needed to focus, he asked himself once more. What would Batman do?

"…To be honest, I'd never be so stupid as to get in such a situation."
whitewhiskey said:
Is it odd that the creepiest thing in that whole snip, to me, is the fact that Robin knew the word and meaning of Loli?
He was trained by Batman...

And now, a bit by Bumblebee.

- - - - -

"Say Bumblebee," Cyborg began as he and the leader of Titans East lounged on the couch of Jump City's Titan's Tower. "I've been wondering..."

"Yeah?" Bumblebee asked, as she checked the circuitry for her stinger.

"What is your backstory, anyway? Where did you come from?" Cyborg asked. Bumblebee hummed, and looked over at him.

"Sure you want to know?"

"Very sure," Cyborg confirmed. Bumblebee sighed, and stood up.

"All right... In West Philadelphia born and raised," she began. "On the playground is where I spent most of my days. Chillin' out maxin' relaxin' all cool while shootin' some B-Ball outside of the school."

Cyborg stared. Bumblebee continued.

"When some guys from Hive who were up to no good, started makin' trouble in my neighborhood." She held up a finger.

"I got in one little fight and... ah..." She hummed, and then shrugged. "Well... I got beat up and they used me for experiments. Thus," and she gave a somewhat lame bow, "Bumblebee, I guess."

Cyborg continued to stare. Bumblebee scowled.


"... Marry me..."

- - - - -