Veiled Moon Chapter 4 WIP

DhampyrX2

Well-Known Member
Poor Benitsubasa. At least Natsuo didn't want her because he's gay and wants Karasuba to wipe out all of humanity for him. Ichigo is just that tough of a nut to crack. Although at least Rukia is proof he's not a breast man, per se.
 

zeebee1

Well-Known Member
I'm pretty sure the only two people he's ever reacted to that way were both busty. Granted they were at least partially naked, but I'm not sure how you can use Rukia as proof.
 

Seed00

Well-Known Member
Ichigo as Benitsubasa's ashikabi? QFTMW!

Benitsubasa is no laughing matter when it comes to combat. She may have breast envy but the girl dropped Musubi in a matter of minutes. Why does Ichigo keep attracting the pipsqueaks.

Rukia, that princess from the filler, the modsoul girl, and finally the fullbring girl. Of course, we have the busty women as well.
 

zeebee1

Well-Known Member
Wasn't she double teaming Musubi?

And while several girls have shown signs of attraction to Ichigo he has only reacted to flirting.
 

nick012000

Well-Known Member
I wonder if having another tsundere around Ichigo would bring the tsuntsun of the tsundere back out of Rukia? She's been a lot more strongly on the deredere side of things ever since the Soul Society arc, I think.
 
nick012000 said:
She's been a lot more strongly on the deredere side of things ever since the Soul Society arc, I think.
I am completely fine with that.
 

Tsuki_CB

Well-Known Member
What a wasted opportunity. Benitsuba would, or perhaps will, make an interesting member of Ichigo's Harem.

Remind me again why adding one more was such a bad thing?
 

Ghostface

Lazy Bastard...
Tsuki_CB said:
Remind me again why adding one more was such a bad thing?
The rule we have is Ichigo's group cannot exceed or be equal to Minato's. The debate was if we should lose the 2nd part of that rule. We decided not to, and a good deal of TFFers were against it.
 

Serval

Well-Known Member
zeebee1 said:
Wasn't she double teaming Musubi?
No. She didn't double team her. It was one-on-one. Of course, she did cheat later by threatening Minato so Musubi wouldn't move.

And speaking of tsundere. I thought it meant that the girl is rude to the guy she actually likes. When was Benitsubasa rude to Natsou?
 

Wheeljack

Well-Known Member
Serval said:
zeebee1 said:
Wasn't she double teaming Musubi?
No. She didn't double team her. It was one-on-one. Of course, she did cheat later by threatening Minato so Musubi wouldn't move.

And speaking of tsundere. I thought it meant that the girl is rude to the guy she actually likes. When was Benitsubasa rude to Natsou?
No, Benitsubasa doesn't strike me as a tsundere. She was never rude/angry to Natsuo when she pretty much worshipped him as the cool one from Day 1.

And Tsuki, those comments aren't helping us in wanting to keep this AU.

::To self:: staystrongstaystrongstaystrongstaystrongstaystrongstaystrongstaystrongstaystrongstaystrongstaystrong
staystrongstaystrongstaystrongstaystrongstaystrongstaystrongstaystrongstaystrongstaystrongstaystrong
 

Serval

Well-Known Member
I for one, am glad you didn't add Benitsubasa. I'll admit that I like the Disciplinary Squad, but I know they are not even close to nice people. Benitsubasa is a dishonorable, slightly sadistic battle-maniac. She would kill anyone that got in her way.. sekirei or squishy humans. In order to be accepted by Ichigo, she would have to change who she is. All the others of the harem don't need to change (as far as I think so).
A similar thing was in a sekirei fic I read, where Minato winged Haihane, and he had a shock seeing the normally laid back and absent minded Haihane get bloodthirsty and almost massacre a sekirei.
Would Ichigo accept that kind of a girl? Or only if she reined in herself?
Of course, this is just my opinion.
 

holyknight

Well-Known Member
Ghostface said:
Tsuki_CB said:
Remind me again why adding one more was such a bad thing?
The rule we have is Ichigo's group cannot exceed or be equal to Minato's. The debate was if we should lose the 2nd part of that rule. We decided not to, and a good deal of TFFers were against it.
Hmm . . .knowing things. . . .it would require a tragedy, on a sense, for Benitsubasa to take the site of one of the others. Add, that such event, it would all but rekindle the fire that burns on Ichigo's soul. . .either for revenge, or to NEVER fail again someone. . ..there its no third failure. . . .
 

Tsuki_CB

Well-Known Member
I for one, am glad you didn't add Benitsubasa. I'll admit that I like the Disciplinary Squad, but I know they are not even close to nice people. Benitsubasa is a dishonorable, slightly sadistic battle-maniac. She would kill anyone that got in her way.. sekirei or squishy humans. In order to be accepted by Ichigo, she would have to change who she is. All the others of the harem don't need to change (as far as I think so).
A similar thing was in a sekirei fic I read, where Minato winged Haihane, and he had a shock seeing the normally laid back and absent minded Haihane get bloodthirsty and almost massacre a sekirei.
Would Ichigo accept that kind of a girl? Or only if she reined in herself?
Of course, this is just my opinion.
Actually that would be keeping in theme with Ichigo. We all know that he had to embrace the fact that he, at least a little bit on some level, enjoyed all the fighting and chaos. He had too in order to hold on the the Vaizard transformation long enough for it to matter. Adding Benitsubasa would be an extension of that. Now we would have a physical representation of that contradiction of himself. What's more it would create a nice little, or big, conflict within the group, one that can't be completely solved with loving support and understanding. At the same time it creates a really good character growth point for not only Benitsubasa but Ichigo and practically every character that this will effect directly.

Really with all the opportunities this opens up, and since we are going with the harem. I still say that one more, while possibly raising the difficulty of writing the characters, would reap enormous benefits later down the road.

Edit: Further, in order for it to work in the first place it would have to be a character that would stand out like a sore thumb. This wouldn't work if you included someone like Kazehane, or Tsukiumi. But somebody like Benitsubasa who pretty much likes who she is and where she's going suddenly put in such an unexpected situation would be gold.
 

zeebee1

Well-Known Member
I like the idea of adding her. But more than that I like the idea of the authors doing what is best for the story. You have a plan, I don't think you should change it just because of one incredibly great idea.
 

Muramasa

Well-Known Member
I still support the addition of Benitsubasa. Well, I support it up to before the bridge fight (assuming that goes the same as canon).


Would be too much tension and bad blood at Izumo assuming she still ends up killing a certain someone... >_>
 

nick012000

Well-Known Member
Tsuki_CB said:
I for one, am glad you didn't add Benitsubasa. I'll admit that I like the Disciplinary Squad, but I know they are not even close to nice people. Benitsubasa is a dishonorable, slightly sadistic battle-maniac. She would kill anyone that got in her way.. sekirei or squishy humans. In order to be accepted by Ichigo, she would have to change who she is. All the others of the harem don't need to change (as far as I think so).
A similar thing was in a sekirei fic I read, where Minato winged Haihane, and he had a shock seeing the normally laid back and absent minded Haihane get bloodthirsty and almost massacre a sekirei.
Would Ichigo accept that kind of a girl? Or only if she reined in herself?
Of course, this is just my opinion.
Actually that would be keeping in theme with Ichigo. We all know that he had to embrace the fact that he, at least a little bit on some level, enjoyed all the fighting and chaos. He had too in order to hold on the the Vaizard transformation long enough for it to matter. Adding Benitsubasa would be an extension of that. Now we would have a physical representation of that contradiction of himself. What's more it would create a nice little, or big, conflict within the group, one that can't be completely solved with loving support and understanding. At the same time it creates a really good character growth point for not only Benitsubasa but Ichigo and practically every character that this will effect directly.

Really with all the opportunities this opens up, and since we are going with the harem. I still say that one more, while possibly raising the difficulty of writing the characters, would reap enormous benefits later down the road.

Edit: Further, in order for it to work in the first place it would have to be a character that would stand out like a sore thumb. This wouldn't work if you included someone like Kazehane, or Tsukiumi. But somebody like Benitsubasa who pretty much likes who she is and where she's going suddenly put in such an unexpected situation would be gold.
This. I'll also point out that he's friends with the members of the 11th Division, at least a little bit, as well as with some ex-11th Division members like Renji. I wouldn't be surprised if she reminded him of <a href='http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dge7nl8L34M' target='_blank' rel='nofollow'>them</a>. If anything, I suspect he'd have more problems with the "dishonorable" part more than the "slightly sadistic battle-maniac" part. This is the guy who offered to let his opponent cut his arm and leg off to have a fair fight, after all.
 

Wheeljack

Well-Known Member
And the next little part for our snippet.

There are some things I'd like to talk about from the last few posts, but its currently 10PM here so I'll address it another time or when part 3 of 3 for this little thing is done.

Enjoy!

======

One Month Ago...

Bentsubasa strolled down the streets of Teito with a confindent walk and a bright smile on her face, unmindful of the looks she received no doubt due to her hair and figure, she was certain. She was not in her Disciplinary Squad uniform this day but in more rather mundane clothing, or about as mundane as a simple tee shirt and blue jeans combo from a high end store to go along with a warm overcoat and pink wool boots to combat the cold winter air. Bags of clothing from the hottest stores this section of Teito had to offer swung to and fro in both hands as she happily entertained thoughts on how she'd cure Natsuo of his little... problem.... that had a small
chance of having problems when it was time for her to be winged. No doubt, one look at her in one of the items she had in her bags and that hottie of a man would proclaim her his forever and take her. She just needed one last thing to push it over the top.

She giggled aloud at that, bringing both hands to her face, which would block her sight momentarily if not for the fact that she had closed her eyes as she laughed, daydreams already in place and now a small formality before final victory! After all, she was Sekirei Number One-Hundred and Five. The pretty, powerful package known as Benitsubasa. There was nothing she could not fix nor no enemy she could defeat if she put her mind to it and used all of her strength. She was all but assured to be the next member of the Third Disciplinary Squad; the one that would watch over the Sekirei Game itself and the first one that would have an Ashikabi.

'Ahhhhhh~ Natsuo-saamaaaa'

Her mood only conitinued to climb as she reached her destination. There was no where to go but up from here.

=========

Elsewhere...

Ichigo let out an irritated groan as he stood outside in the cold winter night, his hands rubbing his arms for warmth. "Dammit, what the hell is taking her so long?" he grumbled irritably. It hat been about two hours since he had put his latest apartment hunt to an end for this weekend, and true to his word he had returned to Izumo to check in on Uzume. Not long after, she had somehow convinced him to take her out on a night on the town. He was hesitant at first, and at first his fears were alleviated as she brought him to a nice out of the way spot for dinner. They even managed to have a nice conversation about what they had been doing the past week, and he even laughed at a story she had about Kagari and a rare irriate client of his.

It was fortunate the story ended without incident, as it would be awkward to harass the host club worker about it when he returned later. In spite of himself, the time they spent together was relaxing in a way. And more than once he found himself enjoying their time together. He actually forgot about the events that brought them together in the first place and simply saw it as a man and a woman enjoying themselves and having a good time.

Dare he say it... he was actually having a date and enjoying it.

So of course that had to come to a stop.

"I knew it was to good to be true," He grumbled again as he glared at the shop Uzume had disappeared into some time ago. A shop that was one of the places that screamed 'no men allowed.' At least no married men allowed... And even though Uzume claimed that they were married, ('Right...', his mind would scoff) there was no way in hell he would be caught dead going into a lingerie botique. He'd rather fight off Aizen, Yammy, Grimjaww, and sad clown arrancar by himself with his hands tied behind his back and no Bankai than go into that den of femininity.

"And I can't belive she wanted me to come with her." he snorted. "Model my ass." He let off a sneeze, and gave the store another irritated glance as he caught another cloud of warmth that sped away from him from his sneeze as he rubbed his arms. "Shit, might as well go inside until she's done in there."

========

"Thank you for your patronage!"

Benitsubasa nodded twice with a happy sound of acknowledgement and bent down to grab all of her bags and nearly skipped her way to the exit. Lost in the euphoria of her daydreams with the hot little number she just purchased that she swung the door open and plowed into an near immovable object, both stumbling outside. She yelped as her foot had caught into something that caused her to twist and all, a few of her items falling around her and out of the bags.

Her breath caught as some of those items hit the cold hard and in some spots wet ground before her temper started to flare and the urge to kill began to bubble. Eyes twitching, her fists clenched as she brought herself up into a crouching position, one arm rested on a knee while a fist was held to the ground.

'I'm gonna kill the poor sap who did this! All my work for Natsuo ruined by this....this....'

"Sorry 'bout that," came a deep male voice. "Didn't see you there."

So it was a male. Deluded fool. Only one man could touch her!

"Didn't see me there?!" she growled as she quickly stood up and balled her fists and twirled around, ready to lay into him, her mind telling her it was likely some wretched, poor fat otaku who wanted to peak into the lingerie store.

"How dare you- you....you...," she instantly halted and started to choke.

He was tall. A bit taller than Natsuo with brown eyes that looked at her in concern. Atop his head was a bit of a spiked mess of hair, but it suited him extremely well, his bangs stopping short of his eyes sans a bit that fell a bit lower at the bridge of his nose. But the most amazing thing was the color of his hair, standing out as much as her's did, a bright shock of orange that screamed 'LOOK AT ME' at this... this.. this...

The poor fat otaku image burned away like a flash flare as her mind saw this.. this....

'OHMYGOD, HE'S A HOTTIE!" her mind screamed at her as her body and heart began to heat up. Caught so off guard she fell limply to her knees in shock and stayed there with her mouth and eyes agape.

Ichigo blinked as the girl in front of him starred at him in wide eye shock. Almost as if she was starring into the face of god. "Uh.... are... are you ok?

"N..." she muttered.

"N?" Ichigo repeated.

"N... not... not at...all," she managed to get out, her voice weak and light as her body began heating up to a point that she was sure that the snow underneath her was going to melt.

"Do you want me to call someone?" he asked, concern entering his voice. "A doctor? Your parents? A friend?"

"N..no.. thank you," she got out, her voice still very light.

"Are you sure?" Ichigo asked again. "You don't look so good. I really think you should see someone."

"I... I'm f-fine..." she gasped. "I... just n... need to sit sitll for a sec..."

Ichigo frowned slightly, "You're sure?" she nodded and Ichigo sighed. "Fine then. Sorry 'bout bumpin into ya."

"Hey Ichigo~!" Chirped Uzume as she walked behind him. "I'm done."

"Super," Ichigo grumbled as he turned to his Sekirei. "Let's go."

"Sure thing," she nodded before looking down to see a girl staring at his back, her eyes still wide in shock. Something in her mind gnawed at her that she should know this girl, but the different clothing along with the gaping open mouth and wide eyes averted any recognition she would have made otherwise. "What's with her?"

Ichigo shrugged, "Dunno. She says she's fine though."

Uzume shrugged back, "If you say so, then let's get a move on." She clutched his arm, and dragged him away from her sister sekirei. "The movie starts in a half-hour and I forgot its a premiere! We gotta go now to get in line!"

"Premiere?" His mind racked for more information on what was premiering this week but drew a blank. "I hope this ain't some chick flick, Uzume."

"Oh you'll love it, trust me." Uzume replied as she pulled him along, their voices trailing off before long as they disappeared into the thick crowd. Back near the door to the lingerie shop Benitsubasa remained unaware as she continued to stare off into the space Ichigo stood moments ago. A small crowd gathering around the shell shocked sekirei with her bags and items strewn about her.

Finally she blinked.

"Oh... oh damn," she grumbled as her body continued to remain warm. "This... this is not good," she muttered as a hand came to her heart, pounding so hard it felt like it would burst through her chest. She took in a deep shuddering breath as she brought her legs tightly together as her mind replayed that man's image.

"Hey?" a voice called out. "Are you okay?"

She then suddenly stood up, looked around and to the crowds shock quickly grabbed her things and jumped high into the air, trying to get to high ground.

'Where'?

She looked around, bags in her arms as her mouth continued to suck in large gasps of air.

'Where'?!

That... that... wonderful...

No...

She bent to her knees as she tried to bring up Natsuo's face before it was burned away by the image of that wonderful orange-haired man's face.

Again she stood and grabbed her things as she began to jump to different rooftops to look around, at one point removing her jacket; her body so hot the cold air wasn't helping any as she looked to and fro into the sea of people below, desperately searching for an orange color.

'No...'

Again, moments later found herself on a new rooftop, again scanning the grounds below.

'Where?'

And without thinking she dropped down, ignoring the gasps and screams of people from where she landed, not caring about the cracks and cratering of the ground below. As if a drop from 6 stories up mattered...

But still...

She raced for hours, looking from shop to shop, street to street, almost car to car.

...no sign of the orange haired man.

Finally, she found herself flat against some rooftop, where she didn't care, all that she could think about was that she couldn't find him...

And trying to deal with the fact that she was reacting....

Her body, hot, her heart pounding, her mind a wretched mess with one man on her mind...

And it wasn't Natsuo.

She curled into a ball on the roof, not caring at the snowfall, the flakes instantly watering as they neared her skin as her arms covered her head.

She shook, in some cases violently as tears fell as thoughts about her future and Natsuo conflicted with the loss of that orange haired man and an overwhelming desire to be whatever he wanted.

======

And one more part or so to go.
 

nick012000

Well-Known Member
Poor Benitsubasa. Hopefully now that Ichigo's winged his second Sekirei he'll be powerful enough to start seeing her suffering in his dreams. Or possibly just have whatever Zangetsu is reforming into to represent his Ashakibi powers yank him into the Sideways World and go, "See this water? You're psychically linked to every Sekirei you've winged and every Sekirei who has started reacting to you. When they're sad, it rains. I hate it when it rains. Now go wing her and make it stop raining."

Also, <a href='http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5PlDtUESgK0&feature=related' target='_blank' rel='nofollow'>this</a> (with <a href='http://www.animelyrics.com/anime/bleach/bleachrain.htm' target='_blank' rel='nofollow'>lyrics</a>) seems appropriate right now.
 

Denoel Muerta

Well-Known Member
I swear, i dont know if the authors planed it, or it just happened.

First we all want only Five sekirei for Ichigo, and now after the last 2 post, we want the 6 to. :lol:
 

Tsuki_CB

Well-Known Member
It probably helps that we know who the candidate is now. Not many like to break up the disciplinary squad, indeed if not done right it could prove disastrous. But both authors have shown enough talent that I'm confident they could do it.
 

Wheeljack

Well-Known Member
Denoel Muerta said:
I swear, i dont know if the authors planed it, or it just happened.

First we all want only Five sekirei for Ichigo, and now after the last 2 post, we want the 6 to. :lol:
While we are indeed somewhat gauging responses to these snippets, its mostly to get this out of our system. It really was a big idea that hit us hard, otherwise we would have not requested opinions from those here. At the moment, we intend these bits as an AU for the Extras, but we're still kinda curious to see how others would see it.

TsukiCB said:
It probably helps that we know who the candidate is now. Not many like to break up the disciplinary squad, indeed if not done right it could prove disastrous. But both authors have shown enough talent that I'm confident they could do it.
When Ghost and I were initially talking about this as an AU (before the post on the previous page requesting your opinions) we actually did have a pretty good replacement for her on the DS.

The problem now is, say we got to the point where we got enough support to actually change our minds on this again to actually include Benitsubasa. The Sekirei that we have in mind is now in play and we don't have a proper replacement for her in 'canon' at the moment.
 

DhampyrX2

Well-Known Member
Wheeljack said:
The problem now is, say we got to the point where we got enough support to actually change our minds on this again to actually include Benitsubasa. The Sekirei that we have in mind is now in play and we don't have a proper replacement for her in 'canon' at the moment.
Does it matter? The second Disciplinary Squad functioned just fine as just Yume and Karasuba. Given their current duties the third (or would it be the fourth given the change?) could work just as easily as Haihane and Karasuba alone, or even just Karasuba by herself. We all know the the second the game gets to every Sekirei for herself that Karasuba is going to kill the others off in canon anyway. And that Natsuo won't care because the only one he really resonates with is Karasuba, as sad as that is.

In a way, giving her to Ichigo just means Benitsubasa gets a better life, just like the other Sekirei you've chosen for him.

Although part of me wishes it was Haihane going to a better home instead. The forgetful reaper more interested in TV and video games is more likable to me than the Sekirei equivalent to fanon Haruno Sakura. But I've seen enough fics that redeem the worst of Sakura, so I could see one where Benitsubasa ends up a better person.
 

holyknight

Well-Known Member
Denoel Muerta said:
I swear, i dont know if the authors planed it, or it just happened.

First we all want only Five sekirei for Ichigo, and now after the last 2 post, we want the 6 to. :lol:
Magnificent. ...i'm with the others and i say go with Benitsubasa as part of the Kurosaki flock. ..add, that i can see oddly her as the trigger for something, as her abandonement of the Disciplinary Squad its likely to have Karasuba trying to kill her, Ashikabi or not. ...
 
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