What if Varric had told the Warden's Tale

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Well-Known Member
#1
This is purely for fun, but considering how much Varric, embelishes a tale, unless stopped, I have to wonder how he would've told the Warden's story.

Female City elf Origin

Kill Bill style roaring Rampage of Revenge?

The Bride: (Slamming the head of a guard into the ground) "Where's Bann!?"
*WHAM* *WHAM* "WHERE'S BANN!!?"

Guard: *groaning* "Please stop hurting me...."

****

Bann: (Chuckling as the 88th House Guard Unit surrounds the Elf) "You didn't think it'd be that easy did you?"

The Bride: "For a second there...yeah I kinda did..."

*Guard close in on our heroine as she raises her weapon into a guard position. Bann drags Shianni into the back room, leaving his minions to finish off the Bride.*

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Male City Elf Origin, Desperado style Revenge Tale

Story Teller: "... in walked the biggest Elf I've ever seen! Walked in like he owned the Arl's home. None of the guards knew what to make of him or what to think. But there he was and in he walked.... He was dark too" *pauses to sip his wine, then seems to reconsider* "I don't mean dark skinned, it was if he walked in a shadow. Like the light dimmed just for him..."
[a little later]

ST: "...So the Elf, bolts out of his seat like you wouldn't believe, flings open his pack and just dives right in. Now I don't know what he does but he's up in two shakes, the pack is wide open and he pulls, maker knows what, but it looked like the biggest repeating cross bow I've ever seen!"

*City Elf unloads, pinning a guard to the wall on his bolt. He swings the weapon firing again, this time the head's expolosive, the resulting blast sending the guard through a door*

"And that was just the beginning."

Head Guard: (stares at him) "You mean you didn't dive for cover or joing in."

ST: (throws up his hands) "I was frozen stiff as this...thing."
*City Elf takes down an armed and armored guard with his bare hands before running his gut through with a knife. He stands up turns and starts putting throwing knives into the knecks, eyes and foreheads of house guards.*

ST: "Tore the Arl's men apart, it was amazing!"

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So how would he have told the human tale, or that of the mage and dwarf's?
 
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