WIZARD: The RPG

Shaderic

Well-Known Member
#1
You are a motherfucking WIZARD.

Roll a D10.


1: Gnome.

Bull shit levels of skill with machines. You're so good at piloting, you pull stunts that are physically impossible. Cars sit up and beg at your mildest caress, and you are fully capable of using a motorcycle as a melee weapon while riding it.


2: Pyromancer.

Fire Magic. Not exactly exotic, but there's something awesome to be said about being able to throw around fireballs and manipulate fire in any way you can imagine, while also being immune to the effects of both the heat and lack of oxygen that would kill any normal human.


3: Spiritual Surgeon.

You ever heard of that guy who could perform surgery on people's souls to do all kinds of ludicrous bull shit to their bodies? Make super models out of fat chicks, musclemen out of skinny nerds, and even alter memories and personality traits? Well, now you are that guy.


4: Ocean King.

Poseidon has nothing on you. The creatures of the sea all bow to you, the currents and tides bend to your whims, as do the mighty storms that can only form on the open waters of your domain. Also, you can manipulate water.


5: Nanoha.

You are now Nanoha, complete with Raising Heart. You don't have any limiters. No, the boobs are not optional. Have fun.


6: Charismaster.

You can talk people into anything. Other WIZARDS are immune of course, and you have to be able to talk to people face to face in order for it to work. But you can convince people of anything, and they'll believe it to the point where if you say the sky is green, their minds will only see green when they look up.


7: Cyber Ghost.

The Computer WIZARD. Bull shit hacking, basically. If it's connected to the internet, in some way, shape, or form, you can fuck with it however you please. You can make AIs, write any kind of program you can think of, and control computers with nothing but your brain meats.


8: Runologist.

Magical Runes that do magical things. Results range from explosions, dislocating local reality, reinforcing materials, conjuring lightning, planet cracking- the uses are endless! It's such a shame that the more complex/bullshit whatever you're attempting is, the more runes it needs.


9: Wielder of the Mystic Eyes of Death Perception.

You can cut anything. Anything.


10: Spark.

A Spark.


Q: What the fuck.

This is a fun little game, where you make a roll of the dice and become a motherfucking WIZARD. Try to take over the world, try to save it, fight with each other, become millionaires...

Just do something interesting with those powers.

Q: This looks highly imbalanced and broken.

Yes, it is. Can't say I care.

Q: ... What's the catch?

I'm not really going to be serious about this game. Don't expect sweeping epics, deep storylines, or much effort. Also, Hard Mode and PVP are enabled.

In exchange, I'm not going to be very serious about this at all. So, power levels are cranked way the fuck up. Even Gnomes, the 'weakest' class, are capable of absolutely absurd bull shit. Street racing in a Ford Model T against modern cars, and winning, kind of bull shit.

One more catch, though.

After three years IC, the Black Beast will show up. Not even a person with Mystic Eyes can kill this thing head on. It can also shrug off nukes.

Have fun with that.

1095 Days Remaining until the Black Beast arrives.
 

Emerald Oracle

Well-Known Member
#3
so wait... is Spark, as in pre-mending planeswalker spark? or post-mending? or Girl Genius?

And what's 3 from? I have no idea what a Spiritual Surgeon can do, but I'm thinking grafting Platonic Forms onto people's souls.

ah well, having misplaced by D&D dice bag I instead draw from my bag of Runes Laguz! The Rune of Water, Lakes, Leeks, and Waterfalls, Leeksping ftw!
 

Glimmervoid

Well-Known Member
#4
I'm a Runologist, but I'm going to be a shamanistic Runologist, whose runes are the written form the Language of Birds. I speak to the world and the world speaks back.
 

Archanon

Well-Known Member
#5
I'm a gnome. First order of business: Find a Spark to build me a giant physics defying robot so I can do even more bullshit levels of ridiculous stuff.
 

Emerald Oracle

Well-Known Member
#6
I'm an Ocean King. Off to search the seas for Atlantis I go, starting with the Bermuda Triangle. Secondary plan of utterly bankrupting the Japanese Fishing industry is also in the works.
 

Archanon

Well-Known Member
#7
Okay, more detailed plan: Find Spark. Bribe them to create Megas XLR for me. Bribe them more to give it an AT field. ???? Profit.
 

Shaderic

Well-Known Member
#8
You rolled a FIVE

Emerald Oracle said:
so wait... is Spark, as in pre-mending planeswalker spark? or post-mending? or Girl Genius?

And what's 3 from? I have no idea what a Spiritual Surgeon can do, but I'm thinking grafting Platonic Forms onto people's souls.

ah well, having misplaced by D&D dice bag I instead draw from my bag of Runes Laguz! The Rune of Water, Lakes, Leeks, and Waterfalls, Leeksping ftw!
None of these questions matter, as you are now Nanoha.
 

Shaderic

Well-Known Member
#9
Watashiwa said:
I pick secret answer number 11: Demi-fiend. In this case, the cure is probably worse than the disease...

*Snip Image*

Note: Fuckoff huge, click to enlarge.
You wake up with a pounding in the spike extending from the back of your neck.

Also, about five feet standing on top of you. It takes a second, but you manage to terrify the owners of those feet with nothing more than the glowing tattoos on your face.

After they break and run, you take a look around.



Huh.
 

Shaderic

Well-Known Member
#10
Glimmervoid said:
I'm a Runologist, but I'm going to be a shamanistic Runologist, whose runes are the written form the Language of Birds. I speak to the world and the world speaks back.
It takes you a second to realize where you are. More specifically, that you don't know that. You seem to be suspended in the air, by a rope attached to the ankle of your left foot.

You can feel your face warming up from all the extra blood flowing there.

Now, how did you get into this predicament again?
 

Shaderic

Well-Known Member
#11
Archanon said:
Okay, more detailed plan: Find Spark. Bribe them to create Megas XLR for me. Bribe them more to give it an AT field. ???? Profit.
An excellent idea! Shame you have no idea where to find one of your fellow WIZARDS.

In the mean time, you'll have to make do with the nice men firing assault rifles at your house. Wait a minute...
 

Shaderic

Well-Known Member
#12
Emerald Oracle said:
I'm an Ocean King. Off to search the seas for Atlantis I go, starting with the Bermuda Triangle. Secondary plan of utterly bankrupting the Japanese Fishing industry is also in the works.
With an immense splash, you fall into a lake.

The intense scream you let out as the freezing water sends you body into a state of shock has you sucking in water before you manage to break the surface.

Trying to call upon your WIZARD powers here fails, as this is a freshwater lake, many miles inland. You're not sure which one yet, but it's pretty damn big seeming. Also, if you aren't suffering from hypothermia yet, you probably will be soon. Maybe you should do something about that...
 

Emerald Oracle

Well-Known Member
#13
Shaderic said:
Emerald Oracle said:
I'm an Ocean King. Off to search the seas for Atlantis I go, starting with the Bermuda Triangle. Secondary plan of utterly bankrupting the Japanese Fishing industry is also in the works.
With an immense splash, you fall into a lake.

The intense scream you let out as the freezing water sends you body into a state of shock has you sucking in water before you manage to break the surface.

Trying to call upon your WIZARD powers here fails, as this is a freshwater lake, many miles inland. You're not sure which one yet, but it's pretty damn big seeming. Also, if you aren't suffering from hypothermia yet, you probably will be soon. Maybe you should do something about that...
Curse my inability to manipulate fresh water! Ah well, only hope now is to try and get to land. I'm in a place where my shiny powers are useless as apparently the only water I can manipulate is salt water. So try to stay the hell alive, try to figure out where the hell I am by the position and movement of the sun, and swim in a single consistent direction while keeping my eyes peeled for any sign of land.

Hm, does the portion of my body that is made of water count as salt water due to my high sodium intake? If yes then hey I can try and prevent frostbite/hypothermia by artifically using magic to circulate my blood, which may in turn kill me. If not, then SWIMMING!
 

Archanon

Well-Known Member
#14
I assume I have some kind of vehicle in my house somewhere and proceed to go get it. I'll take a skateboard if nothing else is available but that just doesn't seem cool enough for a WIZARD of my stature.
 

half baked cat

Well-Known Member
#15
First, I rolled a 46. Then I realized I used the wrong die. So then I used a d10 and got a 6. I am charismatic.
 

Glimmervoid

Well-Known Member
#17
Shaderic said:
It takes you a second to realize where you are. More specifically, that you don't know that. You seem to be suspended in the air, by a rope attached to the ankle of your left foot.

You can feel your face warming up from all the extra blood flowing there.

Now, how did you get into this predicament again?
Glimmervoid: Shamanistic Runologist
I touch the rune arrays tattooed along my forearms, calling forth the fires of the phoenix using grammar and words older than man. In a rush of flame, wings brighter than the sun burst from my body. Using great powerful strokes, I turn myself upright and slash the rope with my dagger, cutting it in a single movement of rune-enhanced steel.

Free, I turn a slow circle, hovering. What is there to see?
 

Urdarum

Well-Known Member
#18
9: Wielder of the Mystic Eyes of Death Perception.

I'm Shiki Tohno. I can kill anything, provided the anemia or my headaches doesn't kill me first of course.
 

Vog

Well-Known Member
#19
I rolled a 2. Looking forward to this one.
 
#20
I rolled a 3. And I'm liking where I can go with it. Physical alteration at its purest and most insane. Part of me wants to go the zombie/zerg route, and another the other says heals/murder dps.

And then I realized, I can do both!
 
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