Writin' a mang

[H-Man]

Yo. I've finally started up on my mangß, which is like a kinda sorta pseudo-continuation of Love Hina. At least that's what I call it unless Ken Akamatsu decides I can use his characters.

The basic plot is more or less like Love Hina: guy moves into female dorm and becomes manager. However, it's not even close enough to the rest to even feel like a copy.

Now, what I'm in need for are extra characters: teachers, colleagues, rivals... the sort. Any help?

 

[Israfel]

You should probably put this in the 'talk' sub-section of the 'anime/manga' section since it really doesn't belong under the 'gaming' section. Unless this is going to be a video game and not a manga?

 

[GenocideHeart]

I agree with Israfel. This is in the wrong section.

 

[Dark Knight Gafgar]

The wrong section this is, yes.

 

[H-Man]

Gah- I swear I posted here after Israfel.

Anyway, just so we don't get any more off (I already asked for a move), can anyone suggest anything relevant?

 

[Israfel]

Well, first of all the thing you want to decide on is how many characters are there going to be? What are there personalities going to be like? And what sort of relationships do you plan to have/create between them? Those are the major things you want to work out first, oh and since it's manga you'll want to figure out how everyone's going to look as well. After you've got those intial things figured out you can fill in the detailed things like past, family, and names for instance. After you've got that we'll probably be able to help you a bit more because it's kind of hard to think up anything for a story which all we about is that 'the premise vaguely like Love Hina', if you could elaborate more it would be much appreciated. Thanks.

 

[H-Man]

Done it all for the main characters. What I need is supporting characters.

And I need the people mentioned in the first post.

 

[Israfel]

I know that but we need to know something about these characters so we can make sure our charcters aren't to similiar to them and so we can help you determine the differing the relationships between them, oh and knowing a bit more about the plot and storyline as well would really help as well.

 

[H-Man]

Okay... lessee... (Most names are gonna be changed.)

Joshua: A 14-year old who's in a high school. He's got a very high physical resistance, like Keitaro. He's pretty intelligent, is a bit shy, and has a kinda primal fear of girls.

Julia: The manager of the boarding house. She is a feisty redhead with whom Joshua argues non-stop. She delivers most of the punishment at him. However, she is the one with whom he seems to click the most.

Rina: The eldest main character, she is a playful girl who takes many things as a game. She is the one to get most of the new tenants in the house. Also, she shows a weird interest in Joshua.

Mara: The house's maid, she is very responsible, and one of the first girls who don't freak Joshua out. She is jealous of the other girls and tries her best to make the other students think she and Joshua have a relationship.

Shina and Ino: Twins who share an interest in Joshua. They are pranksters and love to joke around. Most of their pranks are directed to Joshua, and usually are the reason why he gets in weird situations.

Anita: An exchange student from Europe, she is a shy girl who happens to get in several uncomfortable situations with Joshua. Many times, she's wrongly considered Joshua's girlfriend.

As for the plot, it's basically Joshua's life as he tries to survive through two years of school, while living in the boarding house.

 

[Dark Knight Gafgar]

You need someone who's adept at using a weapon. Swords are overdone, I'd suggest putting in a tomboyish chick who's really, really good with guns.

Edit: And no anti-male phobias, too much of an obvious nod to Motoko. I'd reccommend her being either highly sexual (ala Ryoko from Tenchi Muyo! or Kitsune), or a lesbian.

 

[Israfel]

Hmm, while your main char 'Joshua' seems alright, in regards to originality, I'd do something about 'Julia' and 'Rina' as they seem to be a lot like Naru and Kitsune respectively. Also if we could see ages for the girls that would be good. The 'fear of women' thing wil either be a very bad thing or a very good thing, be careful of how you do that aspect, also if you need the term I'm pretty sure a fear of women is called gynophobia, I've seen it used in a few other animes as well so make sure to make it original. And try and make sure 'Jenna and Mari' don't become the new Su and Sara. Also from what I see 'Anita' could probably be seen as Shinobu and 'Mara' possibly as Kanako. Characters are one of the most important parts of a story, be careful when making them and take time with each one to make them as full and lifelike as possible.

 

[GenocideHeart]

Julia: The manager of the boarding house. She is a feisty redhead with whom Joshua argues non-stop. She delivers most of the punishment at him. However, she is the one with whom he seems to click the most.

Naru clones get an instant fail mark from me. The rest, however, is good.

As for a woman adept at using weapons... may I actually recommend someone who uses polearms as her weapons of choice? Fighting with a bo or even a naginata requires finesse, though. Don't expect someone using such a weapon to do anything like what Motoko does.

It'd also be nice if the resident weapon user did a 180? from the Motoko model and actually felt sorry for the guy and tried to defend him, realizing he's not a pervert at all.

Basically, I'm suggesting rolling Motoko's martial arts and Shinobu's kind heart into one package.

 

[Dark Knight Gafgar]

As for a woman adept at using weapons... may I actually recommend someone who uses polearms as her weapons of choice? Fighting with a bo or even a naginata requires finesse, though.

Polearms are good, but to an extent that was done in Love Hina as well - Keitaro and Naru both used a staff playing the role of Son Goku in the Saiyuki play in volume five of the manga (and in the anime as well, though I forget which episode), and it's also hinted that Kanako is adept at using such weapons in volume thirteen of the manga when Kanako attacks Motoko with a broom. It's not obvious enough of a similarity to discourage it, however.

Still, I think guns are a better option, as the only harem anime/manga babes I know of that use guns actively (unlike Haruka who uses a gun like once or twice in the manga, and I'm not even going to count Su's WMD stockpiles) are Mana Tatsumiya in Akamatsu's Negima! (and the gun she uses fires magical bullets!), and Kiyone and Mihoshi from Tenchi Muyo! (and their guns are sci-fi laser weapons, last I recall). It's well known that anime babes who wield guns get a lot of attention and fanboys (look at Faye Valentine, Motoko Kusanagi, and so on), probably even more so than sword-wielders. How many anime babes do you know of that are well-known and use polearms?

Essentially, what I'm saying is that most harem animes have already done the melee weapon-using babe archetype a lot, and even changing things up from swords to polearms isn't as fresh as I believe making a move to firearms would be. Besides, a gal with an AK = instant splooge.

 

[GenocideHeart]

As for a woman adept at using weapons... may I actually recommend someone who uses polearms as her weapons of choice? Fighting with a bo or even a naginata requires finesse, though.

Polearms are good, but to an extent that was done in Love Hina as well - Keitaro and Naru both used a staff playing the role of Son Goku in the Saiyuki play in volume five of the manga (and in the anime as well, though I forget which episode), and it's also hinted that Kanako is adept at using such weapons in volume thirteen of the manga when Kanako attacks Motoko with a broom. It's not obvious enough of a similarity to discourage it, however.

Still, I think guns are a better option, as the only harem anime/manga babes I know of that use guns actively (unlike Haruka who uses a gun like once or twice in the manga, and I'm not even going to count Su's WMD stockpiles) are Mana Tatsumiya in Akamatsu's Negima! (and the gun she uses fires magical bullets!), and Kiyone and Mihoshi from Tenchi Muyo! (and their guns are sci-fi laser weapons, last I recall). It's well known that anime babes who wield guns get a lot of attention and fanboys (look at Faye Valentine, Motoko Kusanagi, and so on), probably even more so than sword-wielders. How many anime babes do you know of that are well-known and use polearms?

Essentially, what I'm saying is that most harem animes have already done the melee weapon-using babe archetype a lot, and even changing things up from swords to polearms isn't as fresh as I believe making a move to firearms would be. Besides, a gal with an AK = instant splooge.

Actually, Faye has fanboys because she's hot, not because she uses guns. And Motoko gets fanboys because of how she stylishly sliced up those jobbers in the first few scenes of GitS. Again, not because of guns but because of badassness.

If you absolutely WANT to see an unusual weapon in a girl's hands, try claws (like Vega in Street Fighter), or a weapon larger than she is, just for amusement factor.

Or, if you just want a fighter gal, try a grappler who specializes in submission holds. Wrestling chicks tend to be insanely popular when they DO show up.

 

[Dark Knight Gafgar]

True! Martial arts experts are a dime a dozen, but grapplers...

 

[H-Man]

...anta des.

You need someone who's adept at using a weapon. Swords are overdone, I'd suggest putting in a tomboyish chick who's really, really good with guns.

Why so? He'll already get enough punishment from everyone he meets...

Edit: And no anti-male phobias, too much of an obvious nod to Motoko. I'd reccommend her being either highly sexual (ala Ryoko from Tenchi Muyo! or Kitsune), or a lesbian.

While I might add more characters, I feel that, unless it's ONLY a comical situation (Joshua feels the girl like him but she doesn't, for instance), it won't fit.

Hmm, while your main char 'Joshua' seems alright, in regards to originality, I'd do something about 'Julia' and 'Rina' as they seem to be a lot like Naru and Kitsune respectively.

Glad to see Joshua seems interesting. And while it's true that those two are a bit too similar, I'll try my best to develop them.

Also if we could see ages for the girls that would be good. The 'fear of women' thing wil either be a very bad thing or a very good thing, be careful of how you do that aspect, also if you need the term I'm pretty sure a fear of women is called gynophobia, I've seen it used in a few other animes as well so make sure to make it original.

Thanks for the name. Lessee here...

At the start:
Julia-17
Rina-19
Mara-12
Jenna&Mari-11
Anita-14

And try and make sure 'Jenna and Mari' don't become the new Su and Sara. Also from what I see 'Anita' could probably be seen as Shinobu and 'Mara' possibly as Kanako. Characters are one of the most important parts of a story, be careful when making them and take time with each one to make them as full and lifelike as possible.

Nah, they won't be. And no, they aren't. It's a bit complicated...

Naru clones get an instant fail mark from me. The rest, however, is good.

She's not a clone... Thanks for the compliment, though.

As for a woman adept at using weapons... may I actually recommend someone who uses polearms as her weapons of choice? Fighting with a bo or even a naginata requires finesse, though. Don't expect someone using such a weapon to do anything like what Motoko does.

It'd also be nice if the resident weapon user did a 180? from the Motoko model and actually felt sorry for the guy and tried to defend him, realizing he's not a pervert at all.

Basically, I'm suggesting rolling Motoko's martial arts and Shinobu's kind heart into one package.

By anything, you mean a rash beatdown?

Originally, I thought about there being a kunoichi there... but then I decided to scrape her since she reminded me too much of a fic creation I had and she wouldn't fit. Also... what's the fun in her not actually beating him?

Polearms are good, but to an extent that was done in Love Hina as well - Keitaro and Naru both used a staff playing the role of Son Goku in the Saiyuki play in volume five of the manga (and in the anime as well, though I forget which episode), and it's also hinted that Kanako is adept at using such weapons in volume thirteen of the manga when Kanako attacks Motoko with a broom. It's not obvious enough of a similarity to discourage it, however.

First half or second half?

Oh well. There's more physical violence being happened upon him with blunt weapons anyway.

Still, I think guns are a better option, as the only harem anime/manga babes I know of that use guns actively (unlike Haruka who uses a gun like once or twice in the manga, and I'm not even going to count Su's WMD stockpiles) are Mana Tatsumiya in Akamatsu's Negima! (and the gun she uses fires magical bullets!), and Kiyone and Mihoshi from Tenchi Muyo! (and their guns are sci-fi laser weapons, last I recall). It's well known that anime babes who wield guns get a lot of attention and fanboys (look at Faye Valentine, Motoko Kusanagi, and so on), probably even more so than sword-wielders. How many anime babes do you know of that are well-known and use polearms?

Essentially, what I'm saying is that most harem animes have already done the melee weapon-using babe archetype a lot, and even changing things up from swords to polearms isn't as fresh as I believe making a move to firearms would be. Besides, a gal with an AK = instant splooge.

Guns? I'm not sure... not only would I need a MORE mature character for a good effect, but that feels broken within the scenario.

Actually, Faye has fanboys because she's hot, not because she uses guns. And Motoko gets fanboys because of how she stylishly sliced up those jobbers in the first few scenes of GitS. Again, not because of guns but because of badassness.

If you absolutely WANT to see an unusual weapon in a girl's hands, try claws (like Vega in Street Fighter), or a weapon larger than she is, just for amusement factor.

Or, if you just want a fighter gal, try a grappler who specializes in submission holds. Wrestling chicks tend to be insanely popular when they DO show up.

Eh... I'm not that interested in adding a fighter gal. Although maybe now I know what to do with Maki-chan now...

True! Martial arts experts are a dime a dozen, but grapplers...

Eh, maybe.

Anyway, as I said, I need more characters. Additionally, should I list the ideas for other characters I received from other, er, 'fans' as well?

 

[Dark Knight Gafgar]

If you're talking supporting characters, a lot of harem animes have both male and female characters who're older than most of the rest of the cast and aid the main characters at various points (like Haruka and Seta). Middle-aged types with romantic interests in each other are overdone IMO, however. Might want to try an eight year old or something who's wiser than the rest of the cast combined (not in the technological area like Su, but in wisdom and sage advice, like Tenchi's grandfather in Tenchi Muyo!), that might raise some eyebrows.

And as for the weapons expert - just because the girl is skilled with some weapon/martial art or other doesn't mean she has to be violent toward the male lead. Look at Ryoko in Tenchi Muyo!, or Kaede Nagase from Negima!, both examples of femmes skilled in combat (Ryoko in her alien/demon/whatever the hell she is magic and Kaede in her ninjutsu) are attracted to - or at the very least helpful towards - the male lead. Also in Negima! we run across Setsuna (who's even from the same Shinmei Ryu school of kendo as Motoko), where after some initial distrust between Setsuna and Negi the two wind up a lot closer, with Setsuna becoming the third person Negi forms a probationary contract with, and considering the fact that such pacts are formed through a kiss I'd say that's no small matter.

Not every fighter chick in a harem anime has to be a Motoko or an Akane.

 

[GenocideHeart]

Actually, I have a suggestion.

Almost all harem anime have girls who are close in age to the main. How about being different and including an older, more mature woman as one of the mains?

I can't think of many harem anime who try this at all. Kasumi in Ranma is never a factor, and she's the closest thing, and the Tenchi girlsspent most of their centuries in suspended animation or whatnot, with the exception of Washuu, who isn't so much a love interest as comic relief and Deus Ex Machina rolled in one.

Adding an older woman as a love interest, possibly even the main love interest., is something that'd make your manga instantly stand out. I guarantee it.

EDIT: By 'older' I mean noticeably older, not just a couple years older. from 6/7 years older up is good. It'd make for an interesting angle.

 

[Israfel]

Yah, that would make it much more interesting, not to mention I personally love that sort of thing, you could even make it incestuous if you REALLY wanted to go out of the box (Keitaro/Haruka 4ever!!!!). Making an older girl as the main love interest would stir up some definite interest especially if it's a secret affair or she is in some position of power such as a teacher, business woman, military (ooh kinky), ad nasium, the possibilities are endless! Yes older woman main love interest is definitely the way to go. :lol: B)

 

[H-Man]

And as for the weapons expert - just because the girl is skilled with some weapon/martial art or other doesn't mean she has to be violent toward the male lead. Look at Ryoko in Tenchi Muyo!, or Kaede Nagase from Negima!, both examples of femmes skilled in combat (Ryoko in her alien/demon/whatever the hell she is magic and Kaede in her ninjutsu) are attracted to - or at the very least helpful towards - the male lead. Also in Negima! we run across Setsuna (who's even from the same Shinmei Ryu school of kendo as Motoko), where after some initial distrust between Setsuna and Negi the two wind up a lot closer, with Setsuna becoming the third person Negi forms a probationary contract with, and considering the fact that such pacts are formed through a kiss I'd say that's no small matter.

Not every fighter chick in a harem anime has to be a Motoko or an Akane.

Eh... whatever.

Actually, I have a suggestion.

Almost all harem anime have girls who are close in age to the main. How about being different and including an older, more mature woman as one of the mains?

I can't think of many harem anime who try this at all. Kasumi in Ranma is never a factor, and she's the closest thing, and the Tenchi girlsspent most of their centuries in suspended animation or whatnot, with the exception of Washuu, who isn't so much a love interest as comic relief and Deus Ex Machina rolled in one.

Adding an older woman as a love interest, possibly even the main love interest., is something that'd make your manga instantly stand out. I guarantee it.

EDIT: By 'older' I mean noticeably older, not just a couple years older. from 6/7 years older up is good. It'd make for an interesting angle.

[quote="Israfel (You']Yah, that would make it much more interesting, not to mention I personally love that sort of thing, you could even make it incestuous if you REALLY wanted to go out of the box (Keitaro/Haruka 4ever!!!!). Making an older girl as the main love interest would stir up some definite interest especially if it's a secret affair or she is in some position of power such as a teacher, business woman, military (ooh kinky), ad nasium, the possibilities are endless! Yes older woman main love interest is definitely the way to go.[/quote]Um... while there IS a possible adult female interest, there's no MAIN interest. I decided to say 'screw it' and now every female character shown (except for one, but she's such a villain nobody rational would think of pairing them... did I just curse myself) is in the race.

Additionally, no incest. Not from his part, at least.

 

[Dark Knight Gafgar]

except for one, but she's such a villain nobody rational would think of pairing them...

You do not know the true power of the Kei/Kana side of the fandom!

 

[H-Man]

[quote="DKG (Donkey Kong']You do not know the true power of the Kei/Kana side of the fandom![/quote]Yes... I believe I do. It's just that the party mentioned is the reason why he's scared of girls.

Anyway, here are other characters I thought up.

{Tenants}
Asami (15): A young actress who comes to the boarding house. She lived a very sheltered life, and so she lacks knowledge as to how to deal with 'lower' people. She has a tendency of ordering people and treating them like servants.

Saki (13): She's a seamstress who loves to sew. In fact, she tends to oversew, sometimes making objects - and even mannequins - while sewing. Many times, Joshua has to wear a new costume she's sewing.

Ikana (14): A young psychic, this girl has the ability to see auras and react to them. She is very quiet, not opening to anyone but Joshua. Whenever she sees him, one of her first reactions is to glomp him.

{Students}
Ren (13): Joshua's best friend and leader of the Circle. He's a huge bookworm who's also the school's main supply of inside information. He has a crush on Mara and Anita, although he never talks about it.

Shiba (12): One of the members of the Circle, his parents have a strange obsession with exotic religions. As their beliefs change, Shiba wears different costumes, to represent his current faith (although he prefers Buddhism). Many of his costumes are sewed by Saki.

Ishou (15): Another member of the Circle. The more laid back member of the group, he sees life as something you need to enjoy. Still, he's a good help when needed. Most of the girls, however, dislike him.

Ashiko (12): A young and clumsy kunoichi in training, she constantly tries to assassinate him, although those 'missions' of hers are just pranks the Kendo club plays on them. Her parents don't approve of her trying to 'play grown-up', so she keeps her stuff hidden.

Gina (15): The most popular girl in the school, she has a grudge against Anita, who she deems a rival for Joshua's affections. Due to Joshua's nature, she believes that he has to show interest on her, or he's no man. A schemer at heart, she has no qualms with using her boyfriend to help her.

Gai (17): Gina's boyfriend, he's the muscle of most of her plans. However, he doesn't know that she plans on seducing Joshua. He's not that smart, though, and so he falls for easy ploys.

{Teachers}
Nobu (45): One of Joshua's teachers. He's an old man who tries to make his class interested in life, instead of the boring classrooms. He also owns the bookstore where Joshua goes to hide.

Kai (29): Joshua's least favorite teacher, he's a serious man who believes in the objectivity of rules and dislikes slackers, putting him at odds with Joshua. Much of this comes from Joshua's own prowess.

Minako (24): A substitute teacher, she greatly disapproves of Joshua's actions regarding the girls, and tends to make him go through what Joshua calls the 'Hundred Detentions of Doom'.

Buso (36): Another teacher, he's mostly responsible, although female students are known to catch his eye. The tenants dislike him, too.

Yaji (28): A teacher for the young girls, she is the most worried about Joshua living with them. She tries her best to convince him to move out of the boarding house.

Kansou (32): A mysterious woman who seems to know Joshua. What is her deal?

{Zubraf}
Elsa/Riz (17): The elder sister. She is the only female with whom Joshua never feels scared. However, he has a tendency to avoid her eyes. What could be their relationship?

Eldriz/Eru (14): A strange boy, he seems to have a despise for Joshua, who shares the feeling. He's one of the few people the boy actively fights physically against, unlike the others. What could have happened years ago?

 

[Israfel]

Hmm... I like it. All the characters appear to be really original and seem that they would make for a good story. I think that just from the descriptions the one I'm most interested by is Ikana, I like the quiet ones .If these are all the characters you've come up with then why were you asking for our help? Seems like you've done a pretty good job of it on your own.

 

[H-Man]

Because it's supposed to last for three years and I don't have other characters to add.

 

[Israfel]

At this point you have all the characters you need it's more about the story now, with all the various plot points and storylines you could use with your various characters you could easily make it last for three years (that's in manga time and not real time right?). I mean look at how long Ranma 1/2 went on for, like nine seasons or something like that. I'd say you should start planning out the storyline or fine-tuning it if you've already done that, you have all the characters you need you just have to utilise them correctly now.