"You Asshole" Moments

locke69

Well-Known Member
#26
Alcohol + Illusion magic + unstable player with a Rogue PC with CHA as a dump stat + Ghosts + Vampire variant = One very screwed Rogue and mentally scarred player.
 

Scratx

Well-Known Member
#28
I could tell you, but then I would have to delete my own post because it doesn't fit the board rules. :p
 

parker

Well-Known Member
#29
One Pissed off Epic Level Chaotic Good Pacifist Bard/Illusionist/Cleric+One copy of 'Anansi Boys' by Neil Gaiman+an Archive Binge of 'The Order of the Stick'+One Chaotic Evil Mercenary+three natural twenties= A situation where the Mercenary's name can never be said with out people laughing.
 

JiigarGhen

Well-Known Member
#30
Oh, Locke, there's always, you know, that one time when I tried to be all Lawful Good Pally and NOT kill the insane Dragonborn...

Which then proceeded to rip the entire town we left her at a new asshole. Including the wizard we left her with.

<_<



...admittedly, we should've seen it coming, having the wizard put a geas on a masochistic insane dragonborn.


Edit: By the way, did that ever come up again after I left?

Double edit: That, in fact, helped me figure out how to play Lawful Good....without being, how shall I put this...Lawful Stupid?
 

locke69

Well-Known Member
#31
No... you put a unspecified Geas on the Dragonborn, the Wizard had no idea how she would have reacted. *Whacks you for the umpteenth time about that.*

On the plus side, I finally managed to run the side adventure showing what just happened to the village. The tower is now pretty much looted, and people aren't pleased to hear how the villagers saw things.
 

akun50

Well-Known Member
#32
JiigarGhen said:
Oh, Locke, there's always, you know, that one time when I tried to be all Lawful Good Pally and NOT kill the insane Dragonborn...

Which then proceeded to rip the entire town we left her at a new asshole. Including the wizard we left her with.

<_<



...admittedly, we should've seen it coming, having the wizard put a geas on a masochistic insane dragonborn.


Edit: By the way, did that ever come up again after I left?

Double edit: That, in fact, helped me figure out how to play Lawful Good....without being, how shall I put this...Lawful Stupid?
You fool. Playing Lawful Good is like playing with your nuts in a vice where the DM gets to tighten said vice every session.

Play Neutral or Chaotic Good. That way, you can say "I thought it was for the greater good!"
 

JiigarGhen

Well-Known Member
#33
akun50 said:
You fool.? Playing Lawful Good is like playing with your nuts in a vice where the DM gets to tighten said vice every session.

Play Neutral or Chaotic Good.? That way, you can say "I thought it was for the greater good!"
Hence why I added a sorcerer brother to my pally's backstory. He may be good, but...

Well, let's just say he generally blasts things my paladin would probably not want to.

Case in point, from my last session.

Paladin: "Oh hey, aren't eladrin usually friend-"

Sorcerer: *Massive lightning bolt*

"What eladrin? Oh, that eladrin that looks pissed now? And kinda fried?"

Paladin: :(

Sorcerer:? "Oh look brother, a demon to slay!"

Paladin: :)
 

Crusader

Well-Known Member
#34
JiigarGhen said:
akun50 said:
You fool.á Playing Lawful Good is like playing with your nuts in a vice where the DM gets to tighten said vice every session.

Play Neutral or Chaotic Good.á That way, you can say "I thought it was for the greater good!"
Hence why I added a sorcerer brother to my pally's backstory. He may be good, but...

Well, let's just say he generally blasts things my paladin would probably not want to.

Case in point, from my last session.

Paladin: "Oh hey, aren't eladrin usually friend-"

Sorcerer: *Massive lightning bolt*

"What eladrin? Oh, that eladrin that looks pissed now? And kinda fried?"

Paladin: :(

Sorcerer:á "Oh look brother, a demon to slay!"

Paladin: :)
At least the paladin's got someone to do the dirty work for him so he doesn't have to.
 

generalj7y

Well-Known Member
#35
I, as an evil player, have plenty of these. Blowing up a volcano, nuking Russia, selling the other players into slavery, drowning New Orleans, and catapulting a giant flaming boulder into the white house, and many others. Should you wish me to elaborate, I shall do so.
 
#36
generalj7y said:
I, as an evil player, have plenty of these. Blowing up a volcano, nuking Russia, selling the other players into slavery, drowning New Orleans, and catapulting a giant flaming boulder into the white house, and many others. Should you wish me to elaborate, I shall do so.
I am never going to play with you.
 
#37
zedalb said:
starcraft
I zerged a guy with thirty Ultralisks once. One on one game on an eight player map, he spent about an hour and a half trying to find my base, constantly smashing my expansion bases (and, unknown to him, my original base) but never finding my main stronghold... until the last few minutes of the game when one of his Probes finds about a dozen hatcheries hidden just a short ways south of his base. With no larva hanging around them.

Cue "O SHI-" as a swarm of ultras overran his base.
 

zedalb

Well-Known Member
#38
Very nice I built 200 medics and a bunch of barracks outside my opponents basses
medic rush blinded all there units then nukes like crazy i still laugh at them calling me a noob for a medic rush and then "nuclear launch detected" x15 insane exspensize
 

zerohour

Well-Known Member
#39
My own Starcraft jackass moment was less psychotic and more annoying. I think it was just me and some other guy on a massive map. He built a giant fleet of batlecruisers and nuked my bases.

All of them.

THe problem for him was that I had mined somewhere in the range of 50,000 minerals and a similarly large amount of gas, and had several SCV scatted around the map. So I started building new bases, and divided my SCV army between collecting even more resources and building missile turrents. Every time he found one of my bases, he would lose one or two battlecruisers while my SCVs fled in all directions to rebuild.

After this happened a couple of times he realized I wasn't going to stop, and the game ended in a draw.
 
#40
zerohour said:
He built a giant fleet of batlecruisers
Scourgeswarm. About six suicide bats = one dead battlecruiser. And they spawn in pairs.

It's hilarious how quickly you can get someone to weep openly when they spend half the game building up a massive fleet of Battlecruisers/Carriers/Guardians and suddenly start losing them en masse to tiny kamikaze flyers.
 

locke69

Well-Known Member
#41
Okay... here's the situation... in an incredibly bad format:

Two (three actually, but the third couldn't stay and had an early Easter) of my players were getting into some deep RP that fixed and deepened their old friendship.

Two of my other players were inspecting the corpse of a massive dragon that they just killed.

My last player polymorphed and proceeded to do some flying scouting/locating the nearby city's flying scout who she knew was there thanks to OoC knowledge and a few jokes that have been shared over the past few weeks with the whole group.

Last player then got some info off the scout... and then offended her with an off handed comment.

Five seconds later, a crater was formed nearly twenty feet away from my first three players.

Said players then glared at me and said in unison, "Would you mind? We're having a moment here!"

I think my last player will laugh her head off whenever she gets reminded of what happened.
 

locke69

Well-Known Member
#42
DMing what should have been an one shot with people that delight in trying to screw with my sanity. Players finally got to the illusioned Dragon and decided that IC, they had better things to do then to pick a fight with a woman in a room filled with harem style pillows and couches.

OoC... they were making plans to pillow fight an adult or better Dragon that they found "at random" in these ruins.

Had they actually done then, then yes, I would have said, "You assholes... this isn't Exalted, there isn't a combat system for that in D&D 3.75."
 

daniel_gudman

KING (In Land of Blind)
Staff member
#43
This is pretty much a "everybody was an asshole" story.

One time I was DMing a campaign, and the party was chasing these guys through a warehouse district. They had information the party needed, and they escaped after the party tried to get the info by force.

So the halfing rogue is running along the tops of the buildings following them, and I make him roll a jump check every time he wants to leap from building to building.

Well, one time he fails. Alright, I thought, it was off by less then 5, I'll let him take a tumble check to grab the edge of the roof.

He failed that too.

Alright, I said, you take 3d6 falling damage for falling 30 feet from the top of this building.

That put him in negative hit points.

Now the rest of the party starts laughing at this point, because frankly nobody liked this guy.

So I make him roll to stabilize every round; eventually he makes it.

Meanwhile the rest of the party continues chasing after the guys they wanted to catch, leaving this rogue behind.

Best part: when that scene ended and the party got back together, the rest of the group started ripping into the rogue for not being there to help advance the plot.
 

GenocideHeart

Well-Known Member
#44
Magic: the Gathering.

Scenario: 'friendly' game. My friend's playing Elves (specifically Elfdrazi), I'm playing monoblue mill. Game's been going on long enough that he's only got 12 cards remaining in his deck, but his Emrakul keeps going back to it. I'm also at 8 life, he's at full still.

He finally gets to hardcast Emrakul, then just to rub it in plays Worldly Tutor to search for a Hand of Emrakul and put it on top of his deck with a smug smile, preparing to stomp me next turn courtely of Emrakul's extra turn. A smile which vanishes immediately with my next play.

My grin: GIGANTIC.



His library= milled. He loses next turn - that same turn his Eldrazi gave him - because he just couldn't leave well enough alone and wanted to rub it in.

Admittedly I was lucky as I had earlier removed all his other recurring Eldrazi (another Emrakul and two Ulamog) from his deck. Still, that was delicious cruelty right there. Love how victory turned to ash in his mouth. :evil2:
 
#45
As far as Magic goes, I once played Legacy Goblins (R/B) against Charbelcher. To date, it is my only victory against that deck with Goblins.

Game 1: Charbelcher wins the roll and goes ohaiturn1win, kthxbai.

We joke about "Goblin" Charbelcher, making bad puns while we sideboard.

Game 2: I lead with Badlands and a Chalice of the Void for zero. He looks at it blankly. "For...zero?" And then looks at his hand. And then looks at Chalice. "...fuck."

He draws for his turn, drops Bayou, and passes.

I drop a mountain and play Chalice of the Void for 1. He immediately says bad things about my mother and scoops.

Game 3: He does not have the first turn win, and passes without doing anything.

I drop bloodstained mire, fetch badlands, play Thoughtseize. See a hand full of ramp and a charbelcher - all he needed was a 0 cost to start it off. Take charbelcher.

He draws nothing for the rest of the game. Cycles a ton, uses manamorphose and stuff - but just gets nothing. I beat him to death with goblins a few turns
later.





As far as RPGs? Well. I was in a Star Wars campaign recently where we played as Sith soldiers destroying Republic defenses on Coruscant right before the Sith invasion, as seen in the Old Republic trailer.

We manage to be somewhat stealthy when we capture an anti-air defense battery. (Read: I walked in and exclaimed "Holy shit! There are Sith on Coruscant!" and shooting one of the two guards in the face.) So we capture the second one, and its loud enough outside (I started a riot prior to this) and start asking him where the next defensive battery is. He won't talk, and we fail interrogation rolls.

So I went with the expedient of borrowing a vibroblade and cutting off his fingers one at a time. (Really more like 3 at a time, DM ruled I needed to make a DEX roll for accuracy. Failed a bit.)

DM also ruled that, bad rolls or no, the guard wasnt getting paid enough for this, and he fessed up. Then we savagely beat him into unconsciousness.

Then we had a moment where the guy who took Mechanics got to shine - he took both the guard's blasters, set them to overcharge and detonate in about a minute, and went merrily on our way, leaving behind us a sad, sad tale of multiple blaster malfunction. It was a sad tale that would be repeated many a time across that session.
 

Xerxezz

Well-Known Member
#46
Me and a friend was invited to join an ongoing campaign, neither of us had ever played with the DM or other players before. They were doing a post apocalyptic campaign, and we thought it would be a nice break from the usual dungeon crawls.

Suffice to say is that me and my friend ended up getting the raw end of the deal. We were targeted not only by the other players, but by the DM as well.

The amount of shit we had to endure was unbelivable. We reached a certain point during our first session when me and my friend had to watch from the sidelines as the regular group went to take out a bandit camp. What did me and my friend do? We were forced to watch the f-ing pickup truck.

Sitting on the couch for 3 and a half hours doing nothing was hardly fun.

Okay, I can understand wanting to protect the vehicle, but when the assholes then blamed us for their failure and got me and my friend tortured by our gangs leader. We called them out and the excused themselves by saying they were just staying in character.

Suffice to say neither me nor my friend was amused. The next time our group went out on a mission me and my friend (as usual) got stuck with nightwatch.

DM: "Its in the middle of the night and you have the watch."

Me: I'll take a short walk around camp, and then join my friend at the tent entrance.

DM: You see nothing amiss, your friend is tiredly sitting at the tent.

Me: I pat him on the shoulder and throw a quick glance into the tent to make sure everything is alright.

My friend: I rise to my feet to stretch my legs.

DM: Your four other companions are asleep, nothing is amiss.

Me and my friend: Good, then we raise our assault-rifles and empty them into their sleeping bodies.

DM: "You WHAT!?"

Us: "We kill them."

DM: "No you don't!"

*Rolls dice*

My friend: "Yes we do, both of us scored criticals. They are quite throughly dead."

Me: "But to make sure I stab each body half a dozen times with my bayonet, then remove then cut their heads off.

My friend: "I loot the bodies."

The other players were quite pissed at us, but we said we just stayed in character.
Suffice to say, we never played with that group again.
 

crazyfoxdemon

Well-Known Member
#47
This happened to me a couple of months back at the C2E2 convention... Basically, Wizards of the Coast was running a few encounters with pre generated characters. My character was basically an evil bounty hunter that had decided to team up with her prey in order to not die...

So basically, it takes the group about 2 hours to get through the scenario and right as we get to the final boss, I switch sides and kill of my entire party with the help of the boss...

When they all got pissed at me, all I could say was 'It was in her character to do so'... :lol: :lol: :lol:
 

zedalb

Well-Known Member
#48
magic white rebels deck
children of corolis
and the rebel that revives other rebels
nuff said almost impossilbe to kill
 

Satori

Well-Known Member
#49
zerohour said:
My favorite was never actually executed, but I showed it to my planned victim, and he was eternally grateful I didn't do it.

Step One: Take a Minotaur

Step Two: Give it some barbarian class levels

Step Three: Hack off one of his arms and give him the Half Iron Golem Template

Step Four: Put him in the fire temple inside the lava.

Essentially, this gave it an extra 2300 HP, Fast Healing 20, Haste, and combined with a few grapple enhancers, the ability to deal 20d6 damage per round.
What level was the party? If you had a Wizard and Cleric with the right 4th level spells that should have been roughly doable, if very tedious.

If the party was level 11+ and had at least one tier 1 or 2 caster that shouldn't even have been a challenge.
 

crazyfoxdemon

Well-Known Member
#50
Satori said:
zerohour said:
My favorite was never actually executed, but I showed it to my planned victim, and he was eternally grateful I didn't do it.

Step One: Take a Minotaur

Step Two: Give it some barbarian class levels

Step Three:? Hack off one of his arms and give him the Half Iron Golem Template

Step Four: Put him in the fire temple inside the lava.

Essentially, this gave it an extra 2300 HP, Fast Healing 20, Haste, and combined with a few grapple enhancers, the ability to deal 20d6 damage per round.
What level was the party? If you had a Wizard and Cleric with the right 4th level spells that should have been roughly doable, if very tedious.

If the party was level 11+ and had at least one tier 1 or 2 caster that shouldn't even have been a challenge.
I don't know about you... But that could be a REAL danger... a rush attack pls that 20d6 dmg.... it could take down even a decent party..
 
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