Her name was Hyoudou Kaede.
There is a breast-loving Dragon living in the edge of a certain country
The young matron at the orphanage had always been somewhat fond of Naruto. She had been drawn into the job in response to the unfortunate death of her mother when the dragon had attacked Konoha that fateful day. Frankly, she had been too young for the job at the age of thirteen. There were days when she just wanted to quit, but then that boy would do something wonderfully stupid and adorable and make everything better. At the age of eighteen she handed matronage down to another girl working there who had no intention of continuing schooling so that she could do just that. She had been fully prepared to take out loans to pay for the parts of her education that she couldn’t with her savings, but when she mentioned to the Sandaime that she was interested in taking young Naruto along with her, he had smiled and waived all fees for the duration of her education as well as provided her a small but manageable stipend.
The only real shame was that, with the heavy workload of her education, she couldn’t always keep as close an eye on Naruto as she wanted to.
The Dragon goes for a walk when the weather is good
From what she understood, things had all gone wrong when a young Naruto had made contact with Jiraiya on his way home from the academy one day. She was very upset about the entire ordeal. She thought she had taught him better than to talk with strangers, but the boy was just so damn dumb. In retrospect it might not have been entirely his fault, as she had taught him all about the Sannin while leaving out the more adult parts of Jiraiya’s story, thinking he was too young to learn of those types of things.
Naruto had considered Jiraiya to be one of his personal heroes, along with Namikaze Minato, who had been able to defeat the Red Dragon when it had attacked. When Jiraiya, who had recognized the young lad as the progeny of his own student, invited Naruto out for ramen the boy accepted without hesitation. He loved ramen, but his adoptive mother had only ever let him have it on special occasions like his birthday. While eating his ramen, Jiraiya managed to drop a copy of his Icha Icha Paradise novel. Limited Collector’s Edition. Premium box. Collectible t-shirt, bottle opener, and membership to the fanclub.
Yeah, she was sure that that was an accident.
DRAGON DRAGON OPPAI DRAGON
“The rule is that no one is allowed to talk about the fact that you are the Red Dragon that attacked this village eleven years ago!†Mizuki told the boy, laughing inwardly. The boy would be so shocked that he would be unable to move. It was, therefore, quite upsetting when the boy scratched his head, cocked it to the side, and responded.
“I don’t get it,†he said. And truthfully, he didn’t. If he was a dragon, wouldn’t he know that he was a dragon? “I thought we understood each other Mizuki, us unpopular guys gotta stick together! How can you say I’m the enemy when there are guys out there with pretty girls? Girls with big oppai!†he declared, pumping his fist.
“Unpopular? I’m not... what... I don’t even...†Mizuki muttered to himself. The boy was slow. So slow, in fact, that panic didn’t really set in until Iruka had a giant, easily avoidable shuriken in his back. Yeah, Naruto really should’ve seen that coming and dodged. When he started to panic, he found his left arm covered in a red armored gauntlet, giving credence to Mizuki’s speech. As he ran away he did manage to throw one punch at Mizuki, who noted that it had to be about twice as strong as any sparring punch he’d felt from the boy in the past. It seemed that there really was something to be said for adrenaline fueled strength and fear of death.
The next time that Mizuki took a hit from Naruto, minutes later while the boy protected Iruka, he couldn’t help but feel that it felt exponentially stronger than the first. He felt this as it broke his clavicle and shattered his ribcage in a single hit. And to think: there were only a thousand more Naruto(s? He really didn’t know how to pluralize the boy’s name, nor did he really think it mattered at that moment) waiting to give him a quick jab.
GROPE-GROPE SUCK-SUCK PAFU-PAFU
“So let me get this straight,†the boy said, speaking, Iruka felt, far too frankly with the village leader and the elders, “the Yondaime couldn’t just kill the Red Dragon, so he sealed it inside of me and then died?â€
“Yes, Naruto-kun,†Sarutobi told the lad, “He had to give his life to seal the creature into you. He wanted you to be viewed as a hero, but, well...†at this point there was a knock on the door before his secretary popped her head in.
“Hyoudou-san is here as you requested. Should I send her in?†The secretary asked.
“Yes,†the old man responded,â€yes of course. Send her right in.†Here he took a puff of his pipe, raveling in the rich texture of the smoke. Quality tobacco always smoked better, and this was a gift from the representative of several plantations that was given to him the last time the Tobacco Grower’s Guild had held their annual meeting.
He was unsurprised when the Kaede near ran into the room and just about smothered Naruto to death in a tight hug, asking him repeatedly if he was okay, if he was sure that he was okay, and if he was sure that he was sure that he was okay. He had seen this enough times with civilian parents over the years that he was not even exasperated seeing it now, especially given the circumstances.Her adopted son had just had a fight with (read: near beat to death) a chuunin gone rogue, so it was understandably worrying.
There are so many types of breasts
"Alright, kids. Let's begin with introducing ourselves," Kakashi said as he looked over the yet to be minted (he couldn’t wait to tell them about that part) genin. "How about your likes, dislikes, hobbies, your dreams for the future and things like that. You first, blondie."
“Well, I like ramen and oppai!†Kakashi spent a moment of confusion before dismissing it. There had to be some new slang for young people. Kakashi was sure that if the boy had just loudly declared that he loved breasts, there would have been some sort of reaction from his teammates, but there was none. How was he to know that they were just that used to it. “My dislikes include popular guys! My hobby is reading Icha Icha!†Okay, perhaps it was possible that he had meant that he loved breasts... “My dream for the future is to be a Harem King!†Perhaps that was the first time hearing that for the other two students, as even they had quirked eyebrows.
But he likes the big ones the best
Naruto was a certifiable pervert. This was a fact. His first “original technique†had been the famed Oiroke no Jutsu, but that was thinking far too small. His next work was something that he considered to be his true masterpiece: Dress Break. All Naruto had to do was touch his (female) target and chanel a bit of his chakra into her clothes. From there, the clothes would do as the technique’s name implies and break. Theoretically the technique would also work on males, but Naruto never had any intention of finding out.
With a personality like this, it was only natural that Naruto could not help but stare a bit as Kurenai and her team passed by. Those were some glorious oppai! So big! So round! It was only natural that he would drool a bit at well! Kurenai’s body truly was a temple to be worshipped upon regularly. His teammate standing next to him, however, did not seem to share that opinion.
“Impure thoughts...†Sakura growled, “are FORBIDDEN!†With that she punched his head, quite a bit harder that a girl her age really should have been capable of. Still, it was worth it as far as he was concerned. Kurenai-sensei should had some knockers on her. On the way down, he took note that Hinata’s seemed to be developing nicely as well.
The Oppai Dragon also flies today
“You know Naruto,†Sakura started, “every time you start fighting, your left arm gets covered in that red armored gauntlet. What is that?†She had always been curious. It wasn’t anything that was taught in the academy, and they were in for a long walk to Wave Country anyway.
“Dragon Booster†The gauntlet announced its arrival.
“This thing?†Naruto asked after summoning up his gauntlet, “It probably has a name that I don’t know, but every time I summon it, it says Dragon Booster, so I’ve been calling it that. Every ten seconds it-â€
“Boost†the gauntlet announced.
“-says Boost and doubles all of my stats until it hits whatever my body can’t handle.â€
“Even your intelligence?†She asked, only to witness the boy slump. She took that as a negative.
In an edge of a certain town, the Oppai Dragon was laughing
One might have thought that, as a certified idiot, Naruto would be worried about the first stage of the Chuunin Exam: the written exam. Naruto, however, had no such worries, as he had just mastered his newest power. He called it Bilingual. With it no secrets would be kept from him! Activating the ability, he extended its field around him and began to listen.
What this sexual harassment charge of an ability did was give him the ability to listen to and understand. What was it that he could listen to and understand? The glorious voices of breasts! As he listened, nervous breasts all around him rattled off the answers as they worked. Truly, with this ability, he was invincible.
After he finished the exam, he spent the rest of the time until the last question was given doodling pictures of oppai on his exam sheet. The tenth question turned out to be a trick to see if you had the balls, so he was safe there, and continued to be safe right up until the crazy lady jumped in through the window. Following her arrival, he needed to immediately turn of Bilingual, as her breasts were saying some things that were shocking, enlightening, but mainly horrifying to the impressionable lad.
Even on a stormy day, the Oppai Dragon becomes happy by pressing breasts
Sakura was relieved when Naruto returned from being blown away by that gust of wind, right until Sasuke stopped her from rushing over the her teammate.
“What size are Sakura’s breasts, Naruto?†He asked, glaring at the possible imposter.
“What breasts, Teme? There’s nothing the- whoah!†the imposter said, jumping to the side to avoid the kunai thrown by the youngest Uchiha. “How did you know I wasn’t him, the ninja asked, dropping the disguise and turning into a very odd gender-neutral... thing. Sasuke wasn’t sure and didn’t particularly care about enemy genders, but something about it made him especially uncomfortable. “How did you know I wasn’t him?†the ninja asked.
“Naruto loves all breasts, big or small,†Sakura declared.
“Though he loves the big ones best of all,†Sasuke finished, deciding that rhyming with Sakura was worth it, just this once while Naruto wasn’t here to hear it. She would tell him later and he would be so upset that he missed that.
Hey, just because Sasuke acted like a bastard all the time didn’t mean he didn’t realize he acted like a bastard. He enjoyed getting a laugh at the expense of others at least as much as the next guy, likely much more. He didn’t, however, enjoy spending the next several minutes getting the shit kicked out of him by what he assumed was just a very effeminate male. This suspicion was confirmed when he managed to light the bastard on fire, only for the fucker to peel off his face and reveal that he was really Orochimaru the entire time. Fucker even ate his own scroll in an incredibly uncomfortably homoerotic fashion. Not that Sasuke was homophobic or anything, but this guy was like fifty and was doing this in front of thirteen year olds.
Things were looking pretty shitty right up until Naruto showed back up, complimented Sakura’s (tiny if you asked Sasuke, but Naruto would have none of that) breasts and punched the giant snake that the legendary ninja had summoned so high into the air that it was visible from outside of the forest. This in turn alerted the lady with the psychopathic breasts (Mitarashi Anko) that something involving Orochimaru was happening in the forest. She was in the forest and bolting toward their location before anyone else could even figure out what had just flown up above the trees.
Sadly though, she was just a moment too late to stop Orochimaru, her former mentor, from giving the youngest Uchiha the worst hickey anyone had ever received.
DRAGON DRAGON OPPAI DRAGON
Things were not going all that well for Naruto. That snake-prick had done something to him back in the forest and he was no longer able to use his gauntlet or increase his powers. If he didn’t get a chump like Kiba for these preliminary matches, it would all be over for him.
*One Hour Later*
“The finals will be held in one month. The matches will be as follows:
Match One: Uzumaki Naruto (Konohagakure) vs. Xenovia (Tengokugakure)â€
“Damn,†Naruto thought. That had been the girl who’d slashed Neji up real good with a sword during the preliminary rounds. At least her teammate had been gentle when taking out Hinata. Naruto didn’t think that Hinata could have survived a beating the likes of which Neji took.
“Match Two: Uchiha Sasuke (Konohagakure) vs. Sabaku no Gaara (Sunagakure).â€
Well fuck that.
“Match Three: Aburame Shino (Konohagakure) vs. Shidou Irina (Tengokugakure).â€
There was the girl who had beaten Hinata. It seemed Shino would be given the chance to avenge his teammate in the first round if he could.
“Match Four: Nara Shikamaru (Konohagakure) vs. Sabaku no Temari (Sunagakure)
First round Bye: Kinuta Dosu (Otogakure).â€
Was that even the right order of his name? Naruto didn’t know or care. That guy seemed like the worthless sort of patsy that would be killed during the intermission anyway.
“That is all. We will see you all in one month. Train well and do you villages proud.â€
As they all split to walk out of the building in the middle of the goddamn Forest of Death, Naruto was surprised to find himself approached by his opponent for the finals. Xenovia, the girl with the weird name, blue hair, and enough skill and strength to swing her huge-ass sword around and obliterate Neji. She certainly had a nice set of oppai, as far as Naruto was concerned. It was quite easy to tell from the form fitting black leather attire that covered her torso and shoulders, with separate pieces for her sleeves and thigh-high boots. The fact that this style of attire seemed to be the standard for her team impressed and tantalized Naruto. It was like S&M wear inspired by a school swimsuit. There was even a belt below her oppai to ensure that the outfit remained form fitting. That couldn’t even be comfortable or useful functionally! Whoever designed that outfit was worthy of praise, certainly!
Staring her brown eyes right into his blue, she made her point very clear.
“You’d best not coward out Sekiryuutei. When we fight in the finals, I will kill you.â€
Now Naruto just needed to figure out what a Sekiryuutei was.
CLICK-CLICK ZOOM-ZOOM IYAAAN
When Naruto pictured being trained by Jiraiya, one of his personal heroes and the man who had effectively created the Naruto that everyone knew and (some of them) loved, he had pictured summoning toads, which had been something that he’d learned how to do, though wasn’t very good at it yet. What he hadn’t pictured was being thrown off of a cliff and basically told “get it right or dieâ€. It wasn’t really how he imagined spending his Tuesday afternoon. Jumping from a cliff wasn’t really something he imagined doing at any time during his week as a matter of fact.
Except some Monday mornings.
He was surprised about a quarter of the way down the canyon, when he blinked only to find himself inside of a sewer. Having nothing better to do, he walked forward until he reached a large cage. At least, it could have been a cage, were the door shut and locked. But they weren’t, so really it was more of a giant room than anything else. As if out of nowhere, a gigantic pair of eyes opened and stared down at him.
“Greetings, Uzumaki Naruto, as you may have guessed, I am the dragon sealed within you: Ddraig, the Sekiryuutei,†the Dragon told him, its voice booming from the walls of the room. Then, with a blaze of flame around him, the dragon came into full view. It was massive. Legs at least as wide as tree trunks led up to a massive red body with wings sprouting from the back. From there a long neck extended up to the head of the red dragon, which was in turn adorned by what was either a sinister looking horn or an equally sinister looking nose. Naruto really couldn’t tell.
“Sekiryuutei, Sekiryuutei,†Naruto tapped his chin, “I know that sounds familiar for some reason... Oh yeah! This blue haired chick I met said that she was going to kill you!†Let it never be said that Naruto was quick on the uptake.
“She meant that she was going to kill you. You are the Sekiryuutei.†If a dragon could facepalm, Ddraig would have at this point.
“â€But you just said that you are the Sekiryuutei.†Now Naruto was getting confused.
“I am, but so are you.â€
“I don’t get it...†there he went, scratching his chin again, “Wait! You mean Xenovia-chan wants to kill me?!?†Again, not the sharpest child. The dragon sighed audibly and muttered something that sounded suspiciously like “not this againâ€.
“Look, Naruto, I don’t really know how relevant that girl is right now. You are still falling from that cliff, you know. The impact probably will kill you, regardless of how thick your skull is.â€
“HOLY SHIT I’M STILL FALLING?! I’M GOING TO DIE! WHAT DO I DO?!?†It was at this point that the gauntlet appeared on his arm, despite not being in a combat situation. It glowed bright for a moment before making an announcement that Naruto had never heard from it before.
“Welsh Dragon Balance Breakerâ€
“Well, that ought to do it,†Draig chuckled, “Have fun with the Boosted Gear. We’ll talk again soon, Uzumaki Naruto.†So Boosted Gear was the name of his power, huh?
Back in the world of the conscious, Naruto found himself still falling, but encased in a red armor from head to toe giving him an appearance similar to that of Ddraig. His Boosted Gear was still on his left hand, but his right now mirrored it very closely. Wings formed from his back as the Boosted Gear made its next announcement.
“Jetâ€.
Naruto’s screams as he rocketed to the top of the canyon were only matched by Jiraiya’s screams when Naruto gave him a fully boosted punch in the jewels.
He has seen lots of breasts, but he likes big ones the best
Unlike in the preliminaries, Naruto felt that he was at the advantage for the finals. He could not help but note that he had several clear advantages over his opponent this time. First, he had seen her fight, while she had seen him fight with his skills sealed away. Second she was a girl, which was the designed target for nearly all of his (sexually offensive) attacks.
The moment the match started he was fast out of the gates, Boosted Gear activated and charging. He rushed in, ducking inside her guard as Xenovia drew her large sword seemingly from nowhere. A quick jab to her midsection was enough to activate dress break, whereupon he immediately backed out of her sword range and took in the rush of energy from a boost. Ten seconds in and things were looking good. Speaking of looking good...
The girl didn’t seem to be doing anything to cover up. Perhaps it was shock? She simply looked down at herself, then back at Naruto.
“Clever move, Sekiryuutei,†she said without any more emotion than any other thing she had said. Actually less, considering the majority of what she’d said to him had been a death threat. “By eliminating my battle garb, you will cause my breasts to bounce painfully as I move. Most people wouldn’t have thought of such a sly strategy.â€
At this point the crowd was dead silent. There weren’t even hecklers yelling at the battlefield. This entire statement could be heard clearly by everyone in the audience, most of whom shared a single thought: “Is she serious?â€. And it seemed that indeed she was serious. Entirely too serious, having entirely missed any sexual (-ly offensive) connotations of Naruto’s technique.
“Alright then, if that didn’t get to you, then how about this!? Bilingual! Xenovia’s breasts! What is Xenovia planning?†Naruto asked the girl’s breasts, activating the technique.
[Nothing special, just gonna slash you with this sword here]
Gah! That wasn’t a strategy! That didn’t help at all. The look on his face must have reflected his thoughts, because Xenovia adopted a triumphant pose with one hand on her hip and the other resting on the hilt of her sword, the tip of which was stuck into the ground.
“Heh, my breasts won’t tell you anything, Chichiryuutei.†She said, still doing nothing to hide said oppai.
“Breast Dragon Emperor, huh? What an embarrassing nickname.†At this point, nearly every member of the crowd deadpanned, He was embarrassed by that? “Regardless! You’re breasts have told me everything! It’s just that... well... hack and slash isn’t really much of a plan. Are you slow or something?†Again the crowd deadpanned. Who was this kid calling slow? Naruto could’ve swore he heard Ddraig weeping in his mind.
The gap in the fight had pretty much boosted Naruto to his limit, so when he dashed at Xenovia again, he was so fast that she only managed to nick him with her sword as she was rocketed into the wall so hard that she lost consciousness. This Boosted Gear truly was dangerously effective against people dumb enough to let him stall for time. As they carried her away on a gurney, he clapped his hands together, bowed, and thanked her for the “mealâ€.
The Oppai Dragon also pushes today
As the rain fell, collecting into puddles on the pebbled coast of the Valley of the End, Sasuke looked down at Naruto and his own headband laying next to the blond. It had truly been the most exhilarating battle of his life, but in the end, he was just more special than Naruto. As he walked away from the combat zone and got ready to set route for Otogakure, the white armor of the Vanishing Dragon glowed before fading away from him. Naruto didn’t need to die yet, if he survived the wounds Sasuke left him with, then he deserved a second shot at him. That was of course, assuming that Sasuke managed to make it to Oto with the wounds that he’d suffered in that fight.
