All Hallows Pepperpot


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Alexander Lavelle Harris was not having a good day.

His help in fighting vampires a few days before left him banged up, and then Buffy came to his "rescue" when thing went horribly wrong and the damnable vending machine fell over and broke his feet.

Of course, Snyder blamed him for it, claiming that he was trying to steal from it.

In the end, even unable to walk he'd been corralled into escorting kids around for Halloween.

And glancing through the costume shop, he was rejecting some of the options he'd been limited to with his temporarily wheelchair bound condition There wasn't a way in hell that he'd shave his head for the Professor X look, and there really wasn't that much in the way of options.

It was then that something caught his science fiction influenced eye, not to mention his current mood...

As his purchases were rung up at the counter, Ethan and anyone with the slightest bit of common sense felt a shiver up their spine and a nagging feeling that it might be a good idea to go on a vacation for the weekend. Being Sunnydale, that feeling was globally ignored.


Willow Rosenburg would have said that her blood froze as she darted down the street if it were not for the fact that she was currently a ghost.

Xander would be the closest, and it would be helpful to have help that could actually touch things since the town went crazy on her.

She paused as the form of something similar to what her friend had dressed as over the wheelchair he'd been stuck in for the past few days, but the darkness made it difficult to see the details to confirm.

That was when there was a sound of something turning and lights flared to reveal something horrifying that spoke to her but one word.


It was frantic and distorted into a nightmarish screech as it seemed to almost chant the word again and again as the mini-monsters were revealed by the flashing lights it had upon the armored form that seemed almost a deranged parody of a pepper shaker from her grandmothers table.

Bodies lay everywhere as the little creatures seemed to regain their courage to attempt a new assault, or perhaps to have an easy meal of the scattered corpses.

The machine, or whatever it was, opened fire and more bodies joined those already upon the cold cement.

"EX-PLAIN!" it demanded while advancing, the mode of locomotion something she couldn't begin to figure out even as two shots of its weapon passed through her, "WY ARE YOU NOT TER-MIN-ATE-ED?"

She ran for it then, passing through walls and cars to get the hell away from this nightmare even as its monstrous cry echoed through the clear autumn night.



"Spike," Drusilla almost sang, "The alien pepper pot is playing such beautiful music and the screams in chorus are so wondrous."

William the Bloody began to wonder if he could look into some of the human anti-psychotics as her rambling got stranger and stranger.

Eventually he excused himself for a smoke only to blink at the figure levitating its way down the street.

"Homicidal pepper pots indeed...," were the last words he managed to get out before the creature passed by, "...hey, wait up!"

After all, even demonic bloodsuckers needed inspiration from time to time...


Richard Wilkins stood there on the balcony watching what, to him, was an early judgment day meant to end all of his plans.

Other than a brief detour in which this thing apparently knocked over the snack counter at a gas station for some Twinkies, it was heading right for him and he still hadn't seen it.

As a deranged alien came into view a small part of him half wanted to find a doctor of some sorts and he didn't know why.


Giles mad dash to the costume shop ended with a gasp as he saw his former friend laying there screaming his head off.

"How do I stop this, Ethan?"

"Can't, it took it..."

"What took what?"

"The bust, I didn't know it would be here, but the bust would have ended it and it knew that."

Rupert blinked as he processed what was said.

"Who took it?"

"Not who, what..."

"What then..." he was gritting his teeth in frustration while keeping from pounding the badly injured figure before him, and that answer shocked him.


"My god," the Watcher stammered while leaning back against a, mostly, intact counter, "What have you done this time Ethan?"


If he was going down, then this thing would go with him.

The most powerful spell to get rid of an enemy that he could think of after attack ones proved useless against a shield of some sort.

As the last syllable started to form from his lips, the Daleks attack ended it and the magic went awry sending the creature into the void and far away.


Fortunately, he didn't have a broken foot now.

Unfortunately, Xander added a moment later while trying to keep back the homicidal impulses that still surged through his mind, he was in a Dalek body complete with armor and everything.

That everything did include a barely containable obsession with annihalating anything that wasn't a Dalek.

A flash and a detected wormhole drew his attention as a pale faced humanoid with a blue tipped staff stepped out from the false water and began to speak.

"Hallowed are the Ori!"

His unstable mind only had a few responses to that.



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Heh-heh-heh, they're fucked. :yay:


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I've got a few ideas left with this.

Unfortunately there wouldn't be that much in the way of conflict from his end beyond how to kill the most of his enemies in the least amount of time.

Of course, even a single Dalek is a threat to the Doctor. And the Doctor is on a level beyond anything in the SGverse and probably the Buffyverse as well

Dalek Xander getting ahold of Asgard cloning tech leads to bad, bad, BAD things...


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SotF said:
Dalek Xander getting ahold of Asgard cloning tech leads to bad, bad, BAD things...
:jawdrop: Sweet Kungamunga that would be bad very very bad.


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Oni_kawaii said:
SotF said:
Dalek Xander getting ahold of Asgard cloning tech leads to bad, bad, BAD things...
:jawdrop: Sweet Kungamunga that would be bad very very bad.
Earth would probably relatively safe, either as giving tribute of twinkies to keep the dalek invasion at bay or under Dalek Xanders thumb to produce them directly for him...


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oh god, I once wrote a crappy Dalek!Xander YAHF ages ago... This is much better than my attempt.


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Unfortunately, I'm not going to be able to finish my NaNoWiMo attempt, the planning of which spawned the idea for this as my laptops hard drive died on me. I'd actually gotten about 1/3 the way through a BtVS story with Xander as a Time Lord due to Halloween out exploring the universe, or rather due to interferance the "local" multiverse.

One of my ideas for "The Wish" incident involved an alternate Xander dressing as a Dalek and unleashing them upon the universe (while the traveling Doctor!Xander shows up to figure out just what the hell was going on).

If what I had written manages to survive for the people at the shop to harvest the data off the old HD, I might continue it eventually.

Most of the problem is the plot outline, character outlines, and a lot of notes were already down and I don't want to start over.


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Pffft should go with something with more potential for awesome the only conclusion can be Replicator Hive mind. There is no limit to what you can do if your a replicator.


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Darksnider05 said:
Pffft should go with something with more potential for awesome the only conclusion can be Replicator Hive mind. There is no limit to what you can do if your a replicator.
Except take on a Dalek...especially a time war era Dalek.


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"Samantha Carter..." came the calm voice as it spoke over the answering machine, "This is Shady Acres, we're calling because you're on the contact list of a patient here..."

"Yes, is he alright?"

"Ma'am, that's what we're calling about, Orlin's gone missing," the doctor at the nursing home responded, "We're trying to find him."

A brief pause as she started trying to figure out what happened.

"The only witness, I'm sorry to say, seems to have been hallucinating at the time."


"If you can believe it, the guy across the hall claims to have seen a bright flash of light from the room."

The phone slipped from her fingers to fall with a clatter to the ground.


Loki blinked as he brought the ship around.

He'd managed to obtain some limited freedom in exchange for what might be considered to be a suicide mission.

The Asgard sent a single ship for some better scans of the Ori galaxy after the power these new enemies were demonstrating became apparent in the Milky Way.

However, the scans weren't making sense.

They had information from the last ships anywhere near this direction that spoke of it being full of life.

Now, however there was an increasing percentage that was now empty, even of the signatures that their former allies gave where their presence was more common.

His curiosity got the better of his caution and proceeded towards the planet most recently sterilized.


"Orlin?" Daniel asked as he found himself in a diner that he vaguely remembered.

"Yeah, it's me," the ancient answered, "They're bringing everyone in to deal with this."

"Are the Ori..." he was cut off.

"Actually, while they're part of the reason for everyone showing up, it's not them being hostile that's caused it."


"Something attacked them," the man whispered, "Something that's been wiping them out."

It was a stunned tone, one that Daniel remembered using when his parents died and when his wife die.

"How can something be killing ascended beings?"

"That's just it," the man answered, "We don't know."


An object was detected upon the dead worlds surface approaching a local stargate.

Oddly enough the sensors best comparison was from a common object originating from Earth.

"What is a pepperpot?"

He paid any sanity left in his mind no heed and beamed it up only for the containment unit that could hold even replicators in stasis to malfunction spectacularly and a horrifying voice speak one word before the end came for him.



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Oni_kawaii said:
SotF said:
Dalek Xander getting ahold of Asgard cloning tech leads to bad, bad, BAD things...
:jawdrop: Sweet Kungamunga that would be bad very very bad.


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zeebee1 said:
Is Daniel the Doctor?
No, the ascended are essentially panicking because they haven't encountered something capable of wiping out the Ascended before (At least that wasn't another ascended to begin with).

Every descended they can call back, as it were, is a resource they think they might need.


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The pegasus galaxy waited as thousands of ships that any earth based observer would claim as a flying saucer.

Ida was ignored for the time being as Xander's inherent hatred of vampires drove him deeper into the psyche of the species he had become. The Wraith were the enemy, something beyond even the now genetic hatred of the nonexistent Doctor within that genome could claim.

Loki's legacy had also increased his problems exponentially as he reproduced copies of himself to complete the tasks now before him.

A barely audible chime caressed what could have been ears upon the unholy form he now possessed, though buried deep within layers of armor, weapons, and other technology, and the response could have been a smile if such an entity could express an emotion that such an act connected to.

As it was, the lone wraith hive ship was the hapless object that bore witness to the intrusion of the Daleks into intergalactic war, at least in this reality.


Todd ran through the gate as this new enemy continued slaughtering the survivors of the crashed ship.

He had one last option, and perhaps he could exchange the name of this new foe for sanctuary among the Tau'ri...


The sound of shattering glass echoed through Atlantis a few days later as someone heard the term.

"Did you just say Dalek?" Carson Beckett managed to stammer as nightmares from his childhood flashed into his mind at full force.


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ha!!! But wait... the Dalaks have time technologies.... :wub:


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biigoh said:
ha!!! But wait... the Dalaks have time technologies.... :wub:
They do, but they tend not to use it if they don't need it. However, time compression mixed with stolen Asgard cloning tech...


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Anyone watching the progression of the invaders would quickly realize that this was far beyond any conflict they could compare it to.

In fact, the Wraith were nothing more than pests to eradicate as they poured into the galaxy.

Ironically, it was the Asurans who managed to engage them for a short time before fleeing to parts unknown and a chance glance by one of the homicidal creatures that noticed a forgotten container dropped by the Atlantis Expedition during their own conflicts with the replicators so long before.


The wrapper was still there, pinned in place as the daleks gathered about it.


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Dalek Xander moved slowly through the ruined hiveship, ensuring that all of these space vampires had been disposed of.

The queen had been left alive but trapped her chamber as his clones rampaged through their enemies.

"Why?" the creature gasped the question as he entered the chamber, "Why are you killing attacking us?"

The question felt off to him, a predator often was confused when it became the prey.


And she, just like the rest of the Wraith onboard the ship died in a flash.

Others were searching for the origin of theTwinkie wrapper, if it was here than there must be someone from Earth and a source for more of the sacred cakes.

Earth was not a threat to them, and could give them what they desired.

Locating Earth was fast approaching priority one, Wraith and Ori would cease to trouble the universe.

And it must survive for the twinkies to flow.

Then the answer came as one of the other finished pillaging the ships computer, and any onlooker would have seen the Imperialistic Space Nazi's do what had to be a brain twisting rendition of the Snoopy dance and shouted as one.


They had found the earthlings...


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Mein Gott... BRILLIANT!!!!!!


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Is it wrong that I see a future where every one of the original core Scoobies + Joyce has a "pet" Dalek to act as a permanent bodyguard?


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Evan Lorne just stood there, unmoving as he stared at the still burning wreckage of a hiveship.

It didnÆt make sense what they had found, all the wraith were dead without a visible mark on them and the humans stored hadnÆt been touched. And their computers had been wiped clean, even if that option would have been nigh impossible to really work from after the last time theyÆd played with their files.

He finally sat down on a rock and tried to figure out how to write the report when his team got back to Atlantis.

Whatever could do this wasnÆt confined to this world, teams had been reporting a lot of dead wraith all over the galaxy. The estimated dead had already shot past anything he could think of to compare it to.

He wasnÆt sure if he even wanted to encounter whatever did this, especially with BeckettÆs reaction to the mere name of the things.

Something was telling him that not even the infamous SG-1 had never dealt with this sort of madness.

Finally he reached into one of his pockets and pulled out the plastic wrapper for a brief snack.

"TWINKIE" it was an odd and surprising chorus that echoed around him.

Evan Lorne barely caught a glimpse of the metallic things that swiped it before he could even withdraw it entirely from its wresting place, but he was treated to watching a knock down, dragged out fight between three Daleks as they vied over the twinkiesà


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jack: bad idea to clone yourself
xander: e-lab-ber-rate
jack: you'd have to share your twinkies