Inspired by Takerial’s new fic and a few comments I made a long time ago.
Back when I still read a lot of fan fiction, one of the things that really annoyed me was how terribly arrogant Harry could be in some fics, especially of the Independent!Harry kind.
Perhaps what annoyed me the most was when Harry would make a completely groundless assumption about the way the world worked, usually to the detriment of characters (or characters) the author didn’t like, and it would of course turn out to be true.
So I propose an idea’s thread for when this does not happen.
Post a typical Independent!Harry assumption, or example of arrogance, and describe how it back fires on him. Examples can just be descriptions or in narrative/snippet form.
For full points your assumption should be as clichéd as possible, completely groundless and only true because of author faint. Bonus point to anyone who posts common Independent!Harry clichés that are also actively contradicted by canon.
Okay, to get the ball rolling, here are a few of my own. Oh and remember, keep it fun. Let's not get to serous here, other wise it will be no better than what we are parodying.
****
“And another thing,†fumed Harry, “why have I never received a bank statement. Its Dumbledore, I know it. He’s trying to keep things from me!â€
The goblin let out a long suffering sigh, well used to dealing with irate humans, and flicked through the immense ledger in front of him.
“Harry James Potter you said?†he said, boredom infecting his voice.
“You know quite well who I am!â€
“I’m quite sure I don’t,†said the goblin. “Resident of Number 42, Wright Road, Godric's Hollow?â€
“What no! I live at Number 4 Privet Drive.â€
“And how long have you lived there, sir?â€
“I don’t know. Since I was one and a half years old.â€
The goblin made a few marks on his ledger.
“Wait! What was that?â€
“Ten Galleons have been deducted from you account.â€
“Why?â€
The goblin gave a very toothy smile. “Failure to keep your address updated.â€
****
Harry stalked along the slightly ill kept streets of Knockturn Alley. He knew it wasn’t really a bad place; that was just a lie his so called ‘friends’ told him to keep him away from power. Sure the buildings were not in as good shape as those of Diagon but that just meant the shopkeepers had more important things to do.
After quite a bit of thinking, Harry had come to a conclusion: the way the Ministry tracked underage magic had to be with the wands. Nothing else would make sense.
How else would Dobby have been able to trick the Ministry in to thinking Harry had done magic if not by mimicking his wands magical signature? How else would Pureblood children be able to practise magic over the summer if it was not their house wards blocking their wands’ signals?
Harry had never heard of the term wards before, in reference to magic anyway, but he was sure they must exist too.
At last, he came upon a likely looking shop and burst in the door.
“You there man,†he said, taking to the slightly scruffy shopkeeper. “I’m looking for a custom made wand, none of that Ollivander rubbish.â€
The man’s rat eyes almost seem to gleam as he stood up slightly straighter.
“Why of course, young master,†he nodded his head slightly.
At once, Harry could feel a warmth growing in his chest. Here was a man worthy of trust and respect. He could tell right away that the shopkeeper was going to be staunch ally in the fight against Dumbledore. Oh and Voldemort to… Probably, unless that was a lie from Dumbledore as well.
“Good, then,†he said. “Show me what you have.â€
“Ah,†said the Shopkeeper. “I hate to bring this up, and spoil what is of course a high art, but there is the matter of money…â€
“Money is no object,†said Harry, pulling out his coin purse. It was full of Galleons, the other coins not really worth carrying.
It had taken a bit of work to get them out of the goblins but he’d finally succeeded. Do you have any proof of identification indeed! He was Harry James Potter. Or was he really Harold James Potter… It would be just like Dumbledore to keep something like that from him.
He shook it off. He’d have to ask to see his birth certificate the next time he was in Gringotts. That was the kind of thing banks did right?
The shopkeeper’s eyes were locked on to the bag but Harry knew he only wanted what was best for the world, which of course matched up with what was best for Harry.
“Yes, yes. Of course. Come right this way.â€
Harry was lead in to a small back room. The shopkeeper hurried around, picking up random items from boxes, stacked around the room on a collection of dust shelves, and placing them on a equally dusty table.
It was so like the Wizarding World to be sheep, always going to Ollivander for their wands even when this man was so clearly better.
After a few minutes of waiting, Harry spoke up. “Do you want me to perhaps look at the different materials and tell you which feel right to me?â€
The shopkeeper was still for a moment then said, “Ah, yes. Right again Young Sir. I can tell you’re a really smart man.â€
Harry preened under the compliment. It really wasn’t that hard an idea to come up with. Sure, he’d never felt a connection to any of the innumerable pieces of wood he’d touch over the years but that was likely Dumbledore’s fault. Some kind of blocking spell maybe?
After a bit of effort – it took a lot of concentration to break through whatever spell the Dark Headmaster had used – Harry pointed to a short length of metal and a very brightly coloured feather.
“Good choice, Young Sir, good choice,†said the shopkeeper. “That is, ah, the magical metal Omgrill and a the chest feather from the, err, Ohh-Gah-Boo-Gah Bird, both extremely magical. You must be an exceptionally skilled and powerful wizard.â€
Harry was and knew it.
“Now,†continued the shopkeeper. “I’ll just but these two magical components in this box here –“ he pointed to a box, clearly under some kind of disguise spell since it looked to be made from cardboard “- and combine them in to your new wand.â€
He took both components and put them in the box. Then he drew his own wand, pulled back both his sleeves, and thrust both hands inside as well.
A cascade of coloured lights burst forth and Harry could feel the magic in the room. After a few minutes, the shopkeeper withdrew his hands, now holding two wands: his own and a new one.
He passed it to Harry.
It was a length of wood, a little less than six inches long and about twice as thick as a pencil. Harry could feel the power in it.
“You might be wondering why it now looks like its made of wood,†said the shopkeeper.
“Ah, yes, I was wondering that,†said Harry, nodding sagely.
“That because of the masking spells I put on it. You wouldn’t want someone to see you’re brand new wand would you?â€
That was true. Harry nodded. And it must be a really great masking spell too because it even felt like wood.
“How much?†said Harry.
“Well lets see,†said the shopkeeper, rat eyes once more sparkling. “There will be five –“ he looked at Harry’s faceâ€- that is ten Galleons for the labour and fifteen for the components. They were very rare you know.â€
That seemed completely fair to Harry and he counted out the man’s money post haste. When he left he had a happy smile on his face.
Once the boy was well and truly gone, the shopkeeper let his veneer of respect collapse into a sneer, but then he looked down at the twenty-five Galleons in his hand and it became a smile.
Twenty-five Galleons! And all it had cost him was a bit of theatre, a few light spells and a cheep wand made by the hundreds in China!
Omgrill and Ohh-Gah-Boo-Gah Bird feather indeed! Try a nail with the head snapped off and a dyed chicken feather!
He wondered if the idiot wizard knew about the Trace or how it could be confused. Probably not.
Back when I still read a lot of fan fiction, one of the things that really annoyed me was how terribly arrogant Harry could be in some fics, especially of the Independent!Harry kind.
Perhaps what annoyed me the most was when Harry would make a completely groundless assumption about the way the world worked, usually to the detriment of characters (or characters) the author didn’t like, and it would of course turn out to be true.
So I propose an idea’s thread for when this does not happen.
Post a typical Independent!Harry assumption, or example of arrogance, and describe how it back fires on him. Examples can just be descriptions or in narrative/snippet form.
For full points your assumption should be as clichéd as possible, completely groundless and only true because of author faint. Bonus point to anyone who posts common Independent!Harry clichés that are also actively contradicted by canon.
Okay, to get the ball rolling, here are a few of my own. Oh and remember, keep it fun. Let's not get to serous here, other wise it will be no better than what we are parodying.
****
“And another thing,†fumed Harry, “why have I never received a bank statement. Its Dumbledore, I know it. He’s trying to keep things from me!â€
The goblin let out a long suffering sigh, well used to dealing with irate humans, and flicked through the immense ledger in front of him.
“Harry James Potter you said?†he said, boredom infecting his voice.
“You know quite well who I am!â€
“I’m quite sure I don’t,†said the goblin. “Resident of Number 42, Wright Road, Godric's Hollow?â€
“What no! I live at Number 4 Privet Drive.â€
“And how long have you lived there, sir?â€
“I don’t know. Since I was one and a half years old.â€
The goblin made a few marks on his ledger.
“Wait! What was that?â€
“Ten Galleons have been deducted from you account.â€
“Why?â€
The goblin gave a very toothy smile. “Failure to keep your address updated.â€
****
Harry stalked along the slightly ill kept streets of Knockturn Alley. He knew it wasn’t really a bad place; that was just a lie his so called ‘friends’ told him to keep him away from power. Sure the buildings were not in as good shape as those of Diagon but that just meant the shopkeepers had more important things to do.
After quite a bit of thinking, Harry had come to a conclusion: the way the Ministry tracked underage magic had to be with the wands. Nothing else would make sense.
How else would Dobby have been able to trick the Ministry in to thinking Harry had done magic if not by mimicking his wands magical signature? How else would Pureblood children be able to practise magic over the summer if it was not their house wards blocking their wands’ signals?
Harry had never heard of the term wards before, in reference to magic anyway, but he was sure they must exist too.
At last, he came upon a likely looking shop and burst in the door.
“You there man,†he said, taking to the slightly scruffy shopkeeper. “I’m looking for a custom made wand, none of that Ollivander rubbish.â€
The man’s rat eyes almost seem to gleam as he stood up slightly straighter.
“Why of course, young master,†he nodded his head slightly.
At once, Harry could feel a warmth growing in his chest. Here was a man worthy of trust and respect. He could tell right away that the shopkeeper was going to be staunch ally in the fight against Dumbledore. Oh and Voldemort to… Probably, unless that was a lie from Dumbledore as well.
“Good, then,†he said. “Show me what you have.â€
“Ah,†said the Shopkeeper. “I hate to bring this up, and spoil what is of course a high art, but there is the matter of money…â€
“Money is no object,†said Harry, pulling out his coin purse. It was full of Galleons, the other coins not really worth carrying.
It had taken a bit of work to get them out of the goblins but he’d finally succeeded. Do you have any proof of identification indeed! He was Harry James Potter. Or was he really Harold James Potter… It would be just like Dumbledore to keep something like that from him.
He shook it off. He’d have to ask to see his birth certificate the next time he was in Gringotts. That was the kind of thing banks did right?
The shopkeeper’s eyes were locked on to the bag but Harry knew he only wanted what was best for the world, which of course matched up with what was best for Harry.
“Yes, yes. Of course. Come right this way.â€
Harry was lead in to a small back room. The shopkeeper hurried around, picking up random items from boxes, stacked around the room on a collection of dust shelves, and placing them on a equally dusty table.
It was so like the Wizarding World to be sheep, always going to Ollivander for their wands even when this man was so clearly better.
After a few minutes of waiting, Harry spoke up. “Do you want me to perhaps look at the different materials and tell you which feel right to me?â€
The shopkeeper was still for a moment then said, “Ah, yes. Right again Young Sir. I can tell you’re a really smart man.â€
Harry preened under the compliment. It really wasn’t that hard an idea to come up with. Sure, he’d never felt a connection to any of the innumerable pieces of wood he’d touch over the years but that was likely Dumbledore’s fault. Some kind of blocking spell maybe?
After a bit of effort – it took a lot of concentration to break through whatever spell the Dark Headmaster had used – Harry pointed to a short length of metal and a very brightly coloured feather.
“Good choice, Young Sir, good choice,†said the shopkeeper. “That is, ah, the magical metal Omgrill and a the chest feather from the, err, Ohh-Gah-Boo-Gah Bird, both extremely magical. You must be an exceptionally skilled and powerful wizard.â€
Harry was and knew it.
“Now,†continued the shopkeeper. “I’ll just but these two magical components in this box here –“ he pointed to a box, clearly under some kind of disguise spell since it looked to be made from cardboard “- and combine them in to your new wand.â€
He took both components and put them in the box. Then he drew his own wand, pulled back both his sleeves, and thrust both hands inside as well.
A cascade of coloured lights burst forth and Harry could feel the magic in the room. After a few minutes, the shopkeeper withdrew his hands, now holding two wands: his own and a new one.
He passed it to Harry.
It was a length of wood, a little less than six inches long and about twice as thick as a pencil. Harry could feel the power in it.
“You might be wondering why it now looks like its made of wood,†said the shopkeeper.
“Ah, yes, I was wondering that,†said Harry, nodding sagely.
“That because of the masking spells I put on it. You wouldn’t want someone to see you’re brand new wand would you?â€
That was true. Harry nodded. And it must be a really great masking spell too because it even felt like wood.
“How much?†said Harry.
“Well lets see,†said the shopkeeper, rat eyes once more sparkling. “There will be five –“ he looked at Harry’s faceâ€- that is ten Galleons for the labour and fifteen for the components. They were very rare you know.â€
That seemed completely fair to Harry and he counted out the man’s money post haste. When he left he had a happy smile on his face.
Once the boy was well and truly gone, the shopkeeper let his veneer of respect collapse into a sneer, but then he looked down at the twenty-five Galleons in his hand and it became a smile.
Twenty-five Galleons! And all it had cost him was a bit of theatre, a few light spells and a cheep wand made by the hundreds in China!
Omgrill and Ohh-Gah-Boo-Gah Bird feather indeed! Try a nail with the head snapped off and a dyed chicken feather!
He wondered if the idiot wizard knew about the Trace or how it could be confused. Probably not.