Harry Potter Cracked Article: 6 Horrifying Implications

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Can you upper deck a magical toilet?

 

[zeebee1]

No. Hogwarts was designed before indoor plumbing was introduced to England, so it's all magic. You'd have to undo the ancient and extremely powerful spells. Or install a toilet in the Great Hall.

 

[AbyssalDaemon]

No. Hogwarts was designed before indoor plumbing was introduced to England, so it's all magic. You'd have to undo the ancient and extremely powerful spells. Or install a toilet in the Great Hall.

Didn't London back from when it had been a Roman city have some plumbing left over?

Though even if they didn't plumbing wasn't exactly a unknown concept and given all the absurdly easy ways for magic users to get around, it isn't that hard to image a wizard popping over to Italy or even the Eastern Roman Empire to get somebody who knew who to add indoor plumbing.

 

[whitewhiskey]

I can think of a few more jobs. There has to be people who harvest potion ingredients, people who raise animals for pets (Like Ms. Figg raised Kneazles) or for potion ingredients (Like dragon preserves), people who deal with dangerous wild animals like Nundu, people who make clothing (there has to be a reason they have tailors like Malkin instead of conjuring everything), people who research animals, people who research to write books, people who work on the radios (Yes, remember, there is radio), professional musicians, artists, journalists, photographers, and interpreters.

 

[Chuckg]

Also, they overlook the possibility that paintings might just be approximate personality simulations (you know, like Eliza the computer program, only more sophisticated) rather than actual sentient beings; or to use Mass Effect terminology, that they're just VIs instead of AIs.

On the other hand, I can't get around point #1: the possibilities of Obliviate and Memory charms really are that horrific, especially since they don't seem anywhere near as difficult to learn as, oh, Occlumency.

It's amazing to consider that there may be a wizard in the Potterverse who is still capable of trusting another living creature.

 

[zeebee1]

Ignorance isn't just caused by magic.

 

[nuclear death frog]

Also, they overlook the possibility that paintings might just be approximate personality simulations (you know, like Eliza the computer program, only more sophisticated) rather than actual sentient beings; or to use Mass Effect terminology, that they're just VIs instead of AIs

That's exactly what they are. Portraits are like an "echo" of the person's personality; they are not alive. Rowling said so in an interview once; I'll find the quote.

 

[torgrim]

Ignorance isn't just caused by magic.

Lead plumbing, caused madness right? That might explain Voldamort, the amount of time he must have spent going up and down those pipes.

 

[seitora]

Also, they overlook the possibility that paintings might just be approximate personality simulations (you know, like Eliza the computer program, only more sophisticated) rather than actual sentient beings; or to use Mass Effect terminology, that they're just VIs instead of AIs

That's exactly what they are. Portraits are like an "echo" of the person's personality; they are not alive. Rowling said so in an interview once; I'll find the quote.

And ghosts are pretty much nearly the exact same thing, as said at the end of Book 5.

 

[nuclear death frog]

Well, the exact quote is on a page that has collapsed, but it involves the words "distillation" and "aura". Portraits are only a semblance of the person's personality, so they must have been based on once-real people, but they are not alive.

Ghosts are much closer to alive, since they are literally the remnants of magical people who once lived.

 

[Lord Raine]

Ghosts are a lot more alive than portraits, though exactly how much, we don't know. They seem to be exactly what they appear to be, i.e. the immortal essence of a person that stuck around instead of going off wherever they're supposed to go. Why this happens, we don't know.

All we know is that, when offered Being status during the construction of the ICW, the ghosts collectively turned it down, saying that they are not Beings, but Has-Beens. That prompted the creation of the Spirit classification, which is the third ICW classification that exists (Beast (animals), Beings (intelligent, rational beings, i.e. 'people'), and Spirit (the ghosts)).

 

[nuclear death frog]

At least in the case of Sir Nick, it was his own choice. He, in fact, says so outright.

"I was afraid of death. I chose to remain behind. I sometimes wonder whether I oughtn't have... Well, that is neither here nor there. In fact, I am neither here nor there. I know nothing of the secrets of death, Harry, for I chose my feeble imitation of life instead."

Something close to that.

 

[Glimmervoid]

Ghosts are a lot more alive than portraits, though exactly how much, we don't know. They seem to be exactly what they appear to be, i.e. the immortal essence of a person that stuck around instead of going off wherever they're supposed to go. Why this happens, we don't know.

All we know is that, when offered Being status during the construction of the ICW, the ghosts collectively turned it down, saying that they are not Beings, but Has-Beens. That prompted the creation of the Spirit classification, which is the third ICW classification that exists (Beast (animals), Beings (intelligent, rational beings, i.e. 'people'), and Spirit (the ghosts)).

The Being/Beast/Spirit system was created in 1811 by the British Minister for Magic Grogan Stump, and seems to be a British thing. The International Confederation of Wizards was created on or before 1692 (when it created the International Statute of Wizarding Secrecy) so it did exist at the time but there's no mention in canon of it being involved. Furthermore the language used in Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them suggests it was not.

Not until 1811 were definitions found that most of the magical community found acceptable Gorgan Stump, the newly appointed Minister for Magic, decreed that a "being" was...

I have a hard time believing that the British Minister for Magic can 'decree' something for the entire world. The previous two attempts at a system also seem to be British - references to British institutions like the Wizards' Council for example.

 

[seitora]

I'm mostly going off what Nearly Headless Nick said, that ghosts are an 'imprint' of a wizard who died. Weak wording, but that implies they are somewhat the same as paintings, just perhaps with more freedom to move around and with more recall of their memories.

 

[zerohour]

A necro, i know, but just thought of a nother horrifying tidbit:

Wizards would just use a flame freezing charm (or somethign similar) if they were to be burned at the stake for witchcraft.

This on it's own isn't terrible, but if I'm remembering right, the idea behind burning them was if they were pure, then God would spare them from burning.

This is horrifying because only wizards would survive this trial, and they would give the witch hunters EVIDENCE that burning at the stake worked. After all, they would probably start to wonder if it worked if 100% of people burned, but if a few survived, then it must be right, and they could just burn whoever, since the innocent would be spared, right?

SO every wizard they caught and survived probably led to several other innocents being burned because they couldn't be bothered to simply Apparate. Kind of makes you wonder if they enjoyed watching them kill innocents, lording over their inability to catch the real witches and wizards.

Even worse, I think at least one enjoyed being burned, and purposefully got caught upwards of a dozen times.

 

[Rising Dragon]

There's a history book entry specifically mentioning that actual witches who were caught used a charm to make them impervious to flames (described as a tickling sensation) and then Apparating to safety. It didn't say there were witches who were caught and didn't Apparate.

 

[drahcir]

A necro, i know, but just thought of a nother horrifying tidbit:

Wizards would just use a flame freezing charm (or somethign similar) if they were to be burned at the stake for witchcraft.

There's a history book entry specifically mentioning that actual witches who were caught used a charm to make them impervious to flames (described as a tickling sensation) and then Apparating to safety. It didn't say there were witches who were caught and didn't Apparate.

If you stop and think about this for awhile, you come to a rather interesting realization. That witches and wizards at this time, could cast the flame freezing charm wandlessly! And if they could cast 1 spell wandlessly, how many others could they cast wandlessly?