Harry Potter Demon Slayer Harry

fitzgerald

Well-Known Member
#1
Notes: This is an unbeta'd, pretty damn raw draft of something I'm working on right now. The basic premise is that Harry was recruited by the Catholic Church to become a warrior against the darkest monsters up to and including demons. All served up with an added dash of Constantine. No Trio. No Ships. All sorts of evil creatures.

Dumbledore isn't happy with series of events and plots to get Harry back under his thumb.

Important Notes: Without Harry Ron and Hermione are bitter, bitter enemies. Pisses me off to see Harry gone from Hogwarts AU fics and these two friends when Harry arrives.

Dumbledore confronted Voldemort in front of the Mirror of Erised and scared him off.

Harry isn't a iffin pansy and lightweight. He's an inexperienced powerhouse who has loads to learn and plenty of practice before becoming an effective warrior.

Comments and Constructive Criticism are appreciated.

Ciao.


Beginnings


Father Munn glanced over at the Church official accompanying him, one of the more legendary and rarely spoken about branches of the Catholic Church. The Order of Joseph was old, how old he wasn't certain but unlike the others wasn't interested in expanding much at all. Brother White, as the man insisted on being called, was here to offer a scholarship to one of, well Harry Potter really wasn't one of his flock as his relatives went to St Martins the local Anglican Parish, a local lad who he occasionally dragged in off the streets to feed a bit unlike his relatives did.

Disgraceful it was the way the Dursleys treated Harry, but Father Munn knew nothing would come about it, after all without the obvious physical signs of abuse action was a lot harder to take. Well that and the fact that Harry wasn't one of his parishioners making it difficult for him to intervene. He had bitched about it at one of the Bishops brunches and low and behold Brother White had showed up with a number of questions about young Harry.

Pulling to a stop at #4 Privet Drive Father Mann parked and settled his collar once more. Brother White had been clear on his instructions as had the Bishop, he was to introduce Brother White and then stay outside making his own life that much easier. Cloak and dagger routine the Order of Joseph went about was part and parcel of why the conspiracy nuts went buggo about the Church.

"Mrs. Dursley, Father Munn at St CecilÆs and Brother White of the Order of Joseph, may we have a few minutes of your time." Father Munn asked softly as the horse-faced woman opened the door. After five seconds Petunia nodded and opened the door allowing the two Churchmen entrance.

"Please take a seat in the parlourö Petunia asked quietly as she bustled about the empty house, both boys being in preschool. "Anything you gentlemen would like to drink?'

Both giving negative replies Petunia took a seat and sniffed "What does the Catholic Church wish from me?"

"Your nephew" Brother White answered calmly "The Order of Joseph trains individuals with unique talents. We have a boarding school and a scholarship for Harry."

Petunia however froze up at this, and with the discrete nod Father Munn took this as his cue to leave. "Just nipping outside for a smoke, no need to foul up your lovely home."

After Father's Munn's exit and for a minute afterwards Petunia said nothing then in a low voice asked, "You know he's a freak."

"Blessed or cursed with magic. Yes, yes we do." Brother White answered before giving Petunia a quick once over "A gift that can be used for great good or evil yet the majority merely squander."

"Lily was killed by one of the great evils." Petunia stated coldly "Her son survived."

Nodding at this Brother White continued on "Harry will be one of the great ones, any with his power has no choice in the matter. We merely wish to ensure Harry is on the side of good. "

"Why?" Petunia asked.

"Recruit Harry, simple his remaining in your care is counter productive and we need to refurbish our English membership." Brother White then gave a wry smile and added, "Not to mention it will be satisfying to put one over Albus Dumbledore."

Stiffening at Albus's name Petunia said softly "He said there is blood wards protecting Harry and my family, as long as Harry calls my household home no magic can touch us here."

"Mostly true, no magic with ill intent." Brother White answered, "If you do send Harry to us expect to have him back each summer, including a few notes on acceptable behaviour on everyoneÆs behalf."

Twisting her hands Petunia asked "Apart from polluting yourself with freaks what else do you want Harry for."

"To be a champion in the darkness, to stand against the forces of evil and win." Brother White added heavily "To bump back against the creatures of the night. Only after years and years of training of course."

"How many months will you have him?' Petunia dug straight to the point.

"Ten months of the year, until he's eleven, then he'll only return home for a few weeks at the most. The first six years is mostly normal schooling anyway, after that, well then things really change." Brother White answered calmly before passing Petunia a few brochures "Review these and contact Father Munn once you make up your mind. Tell him to pass your positive or negative response along. No need to worry though he doesn't know anything about magic."

"Lily had him baptized, I know she remained with the Church." Petunia added softly "She asked me to come along and I did." Vernon had been Anglican and it was easy enough for Petunia to go along with him, unlike Lily who remained fiercely Irish Catholic like their grandmum. Harry would get his great grandmums rosary Petunia decided in that moment, no matter what other decision she made.

'I know" Brother White answered before showing himself out.

Three days later Petunia left word with Father Munn that she had accepted the Order of Josephs offer to teach Harry. A day after that he was gone from Privet Drive until the following summer where Vernon Dursley didn't touch Harry and he had the small bedroom and a few simple gifts from his Aunt Petunia on his birthday.

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March 1993 Hogwarts

Albus Dumbledore frowned as he examined the latest victim of Slytherins monster, really the fact that they were Petrified was vexing him most dearly. The likely suspects for Petrifying people weren't magical creatures one would associate with Slytherin, yet those that were more likely to produce lethal results. Fiddling with a bit of parchment a sudden burst of inspiration passed through him, none of the victims had gotten a direct look at their attacker. They were only indirect attacks.

A Basilisk, yes that had to be the monster, the king of serpents, lethal in its gaze and controllable only by a parselmouth would petrify those who caught its gaze indirectly. Yet it made no sense, after all the only parselmouth he knew about was thousand of miles away and defiantly not in Hogwarts. An artefact of Voldemort no doubt had to be involved.

Turning his thoughts back to Harry Albus recalled his dismay when he found out the Order of Joseph had scooped Harry up young and had secured the Potter heir's loyalty. Oh according to the various understandings and treaties they hadn't stepped out of bounds as Harry had been baptized by Lily into the Catholic Church and his Aunt, Harry's legal guardian had signed the proper papers. They had even had him spend the summer back at Privet Drive to ensure the blood wards were maintained. Which didn't mean his preparations to prepare Harry for his destiny took a giant lurch.

Harry was outside of his supervision or influence much to his chagrin and there was no way to get Harry to Hogwarts. Until now that was, really who knew having a monster running around ones school was the best way to get his wayward ward back to where he belonged. A request to the Order, pointing out the nature of the beast suspected and the requirement for a parselmouth oh yes this would work well indeed.

Sucking on a lemon drop Albus began to hum as he composed the letter, oh yes the Board would scream and complain about the Order of Joseph coming to Hogwarts but really dealing with the monster was secondary to getting Harry here. Quill flowing Albus let the tart flavour of his favourite candy pass over him and grinned as things were finally going to his way for once.

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"We will be hosting guests shortly to help solve the conundrum of Slytherin's monster in the Chamber of Secrets. I have received a positive response and to expect them to arrive at Hogsmede Station in three days at three o'clock." Albus said cheerfully as he glanced around the staff room.

"Who pray tell did you write to for helpö Snape drawled out "The Dark Arts Defence League?" The last was followed by a sneer in LockhartÆs direction and bespoke Snapes contempt for the League and Lockhart in particular.

"No Severus. I instead contacted the Order of Joseph. We will be playing host to a team that includes Harry Potter." Albus stated cheerfully as his bombshell caused waves among the staff.

After several minutes of shouting, mostly about the Order of Joseph and the rest about Harry coming to Hogwarts Albus finally decided to intervene and quieted them down "Now that we have that out of our systems I will ask the Heads of Houses to prepare each House for the arrival of the Order. In particular warn them that the majority of their team are fully trained adult wizards not to be trifled with. Accompanying them however are three Donates the youngest being Harry the eldest is seventeen. I am sure students will wish to met them something we should encourage."

"Mr Potter in particular" Minerva stated in a take no nonsense tone "Are we to split the children up into various Houses for their visit here?"

"Alas noö Albus added sadly "They will be housed with their masters as per the agreement we reached. However the best foot forward we can present Harry with the better."

Ignoring Severus Snapes deepening scowl Lockhart spoke up "Really bringing the Churchmen into this"

"They have in their ranks the only Parselmouth in Europe. A distinct advantage when dealing with a Basilisk." Albus answered before glancing over at Severus whose scowl had deepened and displeasure at Potters coming to Hogwarts was far too easy to see.

However the fact that it was a Basilisk on the loose had the rest of the staff fluttering in a panic. Raising a hand Albus added "We will be taking measures including importing a good number of roosters to secure the safety of the students. However even if we drive it back to its lair, we still need to remove it from the school."

Further plans and ideas were bounced around the staff room as Albus marshalled his teachers to prepare for both the Orders arrival and steps to protect the students.

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I paused for a moment as I fidgeted with my tunic until it settled on my body properly. I still wasn't used to wearing the formal uniform of a Donate after nearly three years with Master George Silver who had a preference for more normal wear which he made me wear as well. Not that I donÆt mind dressing like in jeans, t shirts and a bomber jacket it just made formal wear rather unusual. Unlike Jean LeBreton, Mistress Summers Donate who was cutting a very elegant picture in her dress tunic I noticed casually.

Having worked together several times including that last nasty fungus demon Jean and myself got along rather well as did our Masters. An odd coupling of the scruffy rather ragged boys with the elegant and formal ladies of the Order of Joseph they were a sight to behold both in and out of battle. Apart from their differing interests and approach to life and missions they did accomplish a lot together. However it did take formal threats from Mistress Summers to get Master Silver to actually dress appropriately. I didn't mind the formal outfits at all but Master George sure did, the man was loath to wear anything but informal clothing.

Accompanying them was Jon Clay and his Master Claus, who were both stick in the muds in my opinion but then again they did view me and Master Silver as rule benders and breakers. Giving Jon a nod, this was likely to be his last mission as a Donate before becoming a Serjant; I took my place behind Master Silver whose fingers were twitching as if trying to put together a rollup. An impossible feat considering Mistress Summers had taken all of his tobacco and papers.

The nine Order members, lead by Brother Blue and his two Serjants Chang and Montoya, were accompanied by two members of the Israeli Magic Force (IMF) who were there to operate a new model of IMF Golem in the battle with the Basilisk. Letting my formal face settle in place I waited impatiently for the order to leave the train be given.

"Remember apart from the Basilisk we are hunting the other reason the Order is here is to impress upon the students and teachers of Hogwarts the professionalism and capabilities of the Order." Brother Blue stated in his clear if soft tenor.

Stepping out behind my Master I glanced around the crowd assessing the threats each presented as I had been taught. The dark and scowling Potions Professor, even if he had been a spy in VoldemortsÆ camp it didn't mean the man didn't know his dark arts, was one. The half giant was another if purely a physical threat. Minerva McGonagall was another as one of the most potent and skilled wizard on the platform including Master George and Brother Blue. Lockhart I dismissed after a moment, the Orders briefing on the man pointed out his skill with memory charms being the real extent of his magical prowess.

"Welcome to Hogsmeadeö the Deputy Headmistress said in a stiff but polite voice. Not really a surprise given the only place in Europe that disliked the Order or the Church as much as magical Britain did was Russia I thought to himself as he listened. "We're here to escort you up to Hogwarts."

After Brother Blue's formal introduction and hand shaking reference to the various other adults, I noted wryly that after my fellow Donates and myself were introduced the Hogwarts bunch all twisted to stare in interest at me. Taking Master Silver's cue I quickly moved to one of the two shipping containers secured on the train and with Jean's help had it levitating freely.

I was supplying the raw lifting power to get the sixteen or so tons of weight in the shipping container off the ground while Jean was providing the fine control. Really applying raw brute magical force was one of my strengths; fine control remained an utter pain in the arse for me, which meant I spent hours training with George on just that. Ignoring the gasps of the Hogwarts crowd we manoeuvred it down and away from the station to were several carriages drawn by Thestrals were waiting.

The second shipping container was being moved by the IMF guys, they wouldn't let anyone else touch it considering it was a portable bay for their newest Golem. They had given me a peak yesterday and I have to say it was awesome. They had turned one of the IDF main battle tanks into a walking force of destruction, ten feet of steel, grease and an auto loading cannon. People wondered why the IMF chewed through the various Dark Lords and other Ministries who kept trying to wipe out Israel. Their technomancy Golems were one of the reasons why not.

I had watched the pensieve memory of ten of their Golems take on a necromancerÆs legion of skeletons and other assorted nasties. The Golems chewed them apart from a distance using enchanted weaponry and then crushed the remainder that got to with CQC. Nothing like better living through superior firepower, so the Order which takes on all sorts of various demonic beasties has been spending the past fifty years trying to get the secrets to building true Golems instead of just the use of them. The IMF once we let them know of a particularly nasty needing a smack down will occasionally lend a team to help in a quid pro qo situation in exchange for backing them up as well.

Walking up the path to Hogwarts enjoying the brisk Scottish spring I noticed the impressive school looming overhead and smiled. Really it was a wonder of magic, old fashioned to be sure, but really damn cool. However I wouldn't give up the Order for anything, including being an average ho hum student of magic. Seriously how many other twelve year olds not in the Order get to go around learning how to take on the evils of the world and sling some serious spells at the same time.

Guiding a shipping container through a school would seem an impossible task but the main corridors of Hogwarts really are that big and we quickly found ourselves on the third floor just off the main staircase where our quarters were located. Jon got into the act then as I kept the shipping container hovering in mid air and he and Jean began streaming everyoneÆs goods inside. Gawkers of course appeared and while Jon kept an impassive look on his face he gestured for Jean to accomplish the task in a flashier manner.

Jean complied and added illusions, a speciality of hers as she's able to include multiple senses and make them real enough to fool even the Fallen well at least one of the dumb weak Fallen. So after the light show and odds and ends finally out Master George sauntered out and with a single tap of his wand had the magically warded and re-enforced container shrunk and in his pocket.

Lifting sixteen or so tons of dead weight, mostly books apart from the various gear meant to render down a Basilisk into useful parts and our personal gear, for over an hour was enough to give me a sweat. So after striding into the quarters protected by an imposing looking door George tossed me a bottle of apple juice which I gulped down once I was out of sight. Vanishing the bottle I nodded thanks to George who motioned me to pay attention to Brother Blue.

Blue, the top level of the Order was filled with those who took the three Monastic oaths and promptly got renamed after a colour for some reason, glanced over each of us and began to give his briefing. After that was done he pulled me and George aside for another chat, for a man nearing a hundred and thirty Blue was pretty relaxed. "Silver, Potter you both know why I'm pulling you two aside. Everybody will be after you Potter keep on your best behaviour, and for St. Peters sake Silver we're here to look impressive not as a dodgy bunch of fools."

George of course grumbled acknowledgement of his orders, no doubt already planning on ignoring them at the first possible moment. I mean seriously when his twelve-year-old Donate can stick with the easy rules, I bend and break the important ones when and if the situation calls for it, and a sixty-year-old man canÆt means he is slightly immature. But then again George gets away with it considering he was one of the Orders best. He had put the smack down on a powerful Fallen once personally and alone after its demons had taken out a four-man Order squad. He was allowed a little leeway, no make that a lot of leeway by the Order as one of its most powerful wands.

Considering my unique situation in Wizarding Britain as the Boy Who Lived, as best as the Order figured it was my mum's Lily sacrifice that saved me from Voldemort, it meant everybody here had a reason to be interested in me. Lovely make the scrawny raw magic powerhouse a public figure and slap a false image on him which bore no relation to the real me. As my teachers liked to point out I was curiouser than a cat with ninety nine lives, who while smart was more a person of instinct, a mischief maker and a complete and utter trouble magnet. In short I could try the patience of a Saint and probably had. No doubt I'd be flung with offers to date or worse which was a real no go considering the oaths I had taken as a Donate.

Seriously they had figured out the magic necessary to turn off the effects of hormones on the rational mind for Donates. Get rid of the drama as one of the Brothers put it in a lecture once before I signed up. The magic came off slowly after either leaving the Order or becoming a Serjant at seventeen or eighteen or so in a rather gradual manner. Those who weren't contemplating a monastic life were encouraged to get married after several years of service as a Serjant. Usually about when they were twenty-five or so, and stepped down to a more normal civilian life. Not that they didn't remain members of the Order but the vast majority of its members were out of active duty. They raised funds, families and generally relaxed after nearly fifteen years of fighting evil before sending their kids to do the same thing and then joined back up in a support role themselves.

A few remained active without swearing the monastic oaths like Master Silver, and in turn trained the Donates after further trials and oaths. The Paladins, holy warriors dedicated to the good fight, and almost always with a tragic tale behind them. In the case of Master George, well a demonologist used his fiancÚ as a ritual sacrifice to raise up a real nasty demon, a story he mentioned to me only once. After that he through himself into his work, and as Mistress Summers puts it only hasn't taken the monastic vows because one of them includes poverty and Master Silver isnÆt going to put up with that, plus he has a romantics heart.

So I nod to Brother Blue and promise to put forth my best behaviour as a representative of the Order. A short shower and change into a fresh uniform later I sit around reading a copy of Hogwarts A History trying to figure out more about this magical school. In the few hours before dinner I get through a third of the book, which all in all isn't that interesting.

After the formal introduction and stares by all and sundry George nudges me off and I head towards the far table. My parents were in Gryffindor so I've been informed to mingle and choose to start there. Slipping into the seats I notice the second years are a tad polarized, my apologies undergoing a civil war as a bushy haired girl has a sandy haired fellow on her side while a red head has formed court with the most of his year. Lovely enough it seems me belonging to the Church gets uncertain or unhappy gazes from both sides in the conflict.

The older years aren't that bad however so I slip in between the second and third years on the bench. "Hi IÆm Harry Potter" is my friendly greeting which a few of the third years return, and at least bushy introduces herself as a Hermione Granger. What follows her introduction is a five-minute diatribe against faith altogether, including references that allow me to place her fairly quickly. Yet another fine example of someone hooked on the British Intellectual disdain for organized religion and faith, or at least the Christain one.

The red head merely glares at me and huffily points out that by joining the Church I am apparently a traitor and thus evil and therefore shouldn't be at Gryffindor table the home of the brave, virtuous and true. Or at least as much as I could surmise from around the food being chewed in his mouth while he talked at the same time. Glancing around the table I spot several other similar looking red heads and only the oldest looks to have a stick up his arse equivalent to the one I'm talking too.

The older pair are chatting merely away with their friends and upon spotting my attention cheerfully call down an apology for their brothers tendency to eat shoe leather. Down the table is another red head, a rather wan looking girl who ducks when my eyes glance over her and blushes. Lovely a fan girl, just what I need in this day and age. Given my rather introduction and the hostile reception by either side of the civil war I turn to the Indian girl two seats down from me.

"Ms Patil you wouldn't happen to be related to Gurvinder Patil would you? Its just the last time I saw him he mentioned something about relatives attending Hogwarts" I asked casually hoping to get through dinner without having to hex somebody.

"You know Uncle Gurv?" Was Pavrati's response "How's the adorable old scoundrel doing apart from sucking back really nasty combinations of tea?"

Ah only family could describe the sadistic maniac as an adorable old scoundrel, well at least as a trainer mind you I didn't really get to know him outside of language classes. In good if still slightly accented Hindu I continued on my conversation with the only Gryffinndor my age that wasn't glaring at me, though it seems one of the second year boys only started glaring once I started talking with Pavrati. "Teaching, he was one of my instructors and bemoaning the fact that I still have a wooden block for a head."

With a light laugh Pavrati smiled happily at me and informed me I really should talk with her sister Padma who just adored Uncle Gurv. Pavrati apparently preferred her Aunt, not that she didn't love Gurv mind you its just she didn't enjoy his tendency to give out constant thought puzzles.

Nodding at this I switched back to English and was surprised by the Irish boys vehemence when he hissed to me "Keep your no good Catholic hands off her you hear."

"Orangeman?" I asked casually already knowing the answer.

"Proud of it" was Seamus's answer as expected.

Glancing around the table I took in some the various undercurrents and damn I was glad I wasn't a full time student in Gryffindor House. An intolerant little prick, an Orangeman, and two followers could have been my roommates for seven years, how joy filled that would have been. No hunting demons was a lot more enjoyable way to get my magical education.

Stilted and awkward as the feast had been it was nothing compared to the bushy haired 'Super Atheist' trying to pry details of the IMF out of me. "Just because you haven't received any lessons on modern politics doesn't mean I'm going to tell you" was my response.

"So the Know-It-All doesn't know everything" the red haired pricks response as he leapt into the conversation.

Keeping a civil tongue in my mouth was tough but I continued on in a polite tone "No it meant I was challenging her to find out the truth by herself. Though for that comment lets just put it this way since the IMF started they haven't lost a war since and their Golems have played a key role in that."

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"Well your evening was about enjoyable as mine" Master Silver commented as his fingers quickly formed a rollup inside the parlour of our quarters.

Given I had only one decent conversation and was lambasted and drilled for information by several sides neither of us had a good time. Twitching a bit I added "Yes but did you have a junior member of the Orangeman at your table?"

"Unfortunately no. The Potions Master, Snape, is out for your blood. I got to listen to a fifteen minute rant about how you were an arrogant trouble making bratö Master George said as he patted himself down for matches, he claimed it was the only proper way to lit his roll ups.

"Perfect. Well I wonder what the other tables will hold. Though I did run into Master Gurvinders nieces and the first seemed friendly enough."

"Interesting, I think he mentioned one was husband hunting already and the other was more likely to be wedded to a library at this point in time."

"I'm pretty sure Pavrati is the husband hunter" I answered with a twitch of a smile, if necessary to deflect those interested in me I might have to secure her or her sisters aid. They would know of the oaths binding Donates, well that and I was pretty young still and hadn't really started to hit a growth spurt yet.

"Ha. Well be warned that Dumbledore is likely to swoop down on you and attempt to influence you. The man was asking all sorts of questions about you and your trainingö Silver paused then pointed out "Both he and Snape are legimancers."

Nodding at this I sat and took notes on what Master Silver wanted me to do for the next few days, which mostly consisted of exploring the Castle and grounds alongside Jean. Unfortunately, as Silver added with a pout, I had to wear the field uniform of the Order. Which wasn't too bad at all considering they had updated it after WW2, so I laid out the trousers, shirt and jacket I was going to wear tomorrow and then my Masters. Stout leather that was enchanted the outfit was both presentable and sturdy enough for fighting in.

After Master Silver finished up two roll ups and I had completed my chores for the night I sat across from him and pulled out my great grandmothers rosary. The first gift I ever received from my Aunt that I could recall, she may well have given me gifts back when my parents were still alive, and thus it was a connection to family and thus precious to me. Silver and I always went through a decade before sleeping no matter when or where we were. Apart from cleaning our minds and relaxing us, Silver used it as the basis of a focus for our magic.

Pulling our magic out and lacing it through our thoughts, words and bodies as we went through the rosary we went through two decades before ending for the evening. Stress I didn't know had built up drained out of me, and inner peace returned when we finished. Heading to bed Master Silver spoke softly in his soft spoken voice "Right Harry remember thereÆs a basilisk on the loose, if you hear a giant snake, mark the location and don't try to take it on yourself.'

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Five weeks later I had heard the blasted snake inside the walls one to many times already and man was it nasty. I had talked with any number of snakes before, magical and normal alike and almost all were cold-blooded rational conversationalists. The few that weren't were usually the ones either pissed off or scared by circumstances and cooled down when threats or ill treatment disappeared. Even the aggressive predators were more or less sane.

The basilisk was barmy, I mean completely and utterly mad. What else do you call a snake thatÆs come up with a simple and bloody awful tune to sing about killing? Then giggled, I kid you not, giggled for several minutes straight after it made a bad pun. What it was doing inside the castles walls was moving about trying to avoid the roosters brought in to deal with it. Roosters that kept coming up with a bad case of dead as some one or a group of some ones dealt with them each night.

Oddly enough I preferred listening to the mad basilisk than dealing with Hogwarts student body. I had no idea of how to deal with the fact that a third decided to hero worship me, another third had decided to treat me like crap for a variety of reasons, and the last third, well the last third were scared of me. Just because I was a parselmouth and a freaking competent wizard when it came to slinging hexes.

Fortunately, or rather unfortunately in my case a first year Raven claw, I mostly ate there these days because I could understand their reasons for either hero worshipping/hating/fearing me were mostly related to my skills and knowledge, had decided to shadow me constantly. Only a few months younger than me Ms Lovegood had decided to tag along after me on the chance of me being the best person to meet the Basilisk. Apparently she wanted to interview it for her fathers paper the Quibbler.

Lord save me from junior reporters on my tail for the scoop of a lifetime. Making it even worse was the fact that she was one of those rare psychics out there who could actually see the agents of Heaven and Hell, not to mention all the other creatures touching on our dimension. Reality was a lot more screwed up than most people believed and actually being able to see how things really are without humanities normal filters wasn't conducive to stability.

"So do demons really gamble using kittens?" Luna asked with evident curiosity on her face as I made my way up from dinner to my quarters.

Pausing at the landing to wait for the next set of stairs I turned to Luna and nodded "Only some species do. Others prefer puppies, and some like to gamble with favours. The nastiest however gamble using human babies."

That had been disturbing to learn, but Master Silver had ended up cleaning that lot out at the card table then had slain every single one of them in their lair. Really being able to count cards and stack decks was a trick I had learnt from him in the first month to avoid getting stuck with chores.

"Interesting. Oh did you notice how a Kas'tof demon has taken up residence in the Gryffindor Tower. I guess itÆs feeding rather well" Luna supplied as we walked up the stairs and I ushered Luna inside.

Having run into psychics before we had standing orders to check out what they were concerned about. Most were barmy than anything driven mad by the pressures of what they saw, and the few that weren't, well like that fellow Constantine they had a different approach to sanity. Luna, whilst annoying was at least reasonably clear.

"Ah the resident psychic Ms Lovegoodö Brother Blue stated calmly looking up from the desk he was working at. "Donate Potter is there something we need to be informed about?"

"A Kas'tof demon is feeding up in the Lions towerö Luna supplied before clapping her hands in glee and striding over to an open tome on a table. "Is that a copy of the ramblings of Myrton the Mad?"

"Feel free to examine later Ms Lovegood. This demon you said, its feeding is itö Brother Blue asked clearly.

"Oh yes all the anger, conflict and pride they're putting out. Its like opening a box of the finest chocolates in a room of women and not expecting them to be eatenö Luna concluded as she flipped through the tome.

"Chocolate, we've got chocolate?" Jean asked as she strode into the room with a sly smile on her face.

"Sawdust perhaps but no chocolate. No it seems a Kas'tof demon has decided the drama in Gryffindor is a feast to be devoured" Brother Blue added dryly "Ms Lovegood apparently noticed it and informed Donate Potter."

Tapping his chin Brother Blue was silent for a minute and then added "Ms Lovegood you wouldn't have happened to noticed any other demons or fallen here at Hogwarts have you?"

"Just Freddy but he's not harmfulö Luna answered in a singsong voice. "He's been tasked to keep liquor away from students and because of those Weasley Twins has to keep drinking so much of it. In all honesty I'm pretty sure he'd like a vacation but the Headmaster doesn't think so."

I blinked at this not too surprised, one of the big beefs between the Church and English magical society was its tendency to summon demons and lay tasks on them. Or at least had been so until three centuries ago when a large number of tasked demons broke free and caused major havoc. That they then broke a magical species into slavery to replace the demons was even more disgusting.

Seeing Luna absorbed in her book and Jean striding off to her quarters I decided to hit the magical control exercise Master Silver had me on currently. Grabbing the bag of marbles from my room I returned to the main study and wordlessly began levitating the marbles with my wand.

The whole point to the exercise was to control multiple objects at the same time and after a few minutes began sending the marbles swirling into a variety of patterns and shapes. At LunaÆs claps of delight I continued on making the marbles form funny, if simple scenes or tumbling through the air in a variety of patterns and shapes. While someone might have complained I was only playing a game, I was no doubt about that; it was a fun way to learn to control my magic.

After several more minutes of this I returned most of the marbles to the bag only keeping five in the palm of my hand. Magic is really a mystery and like most mysteries belief is an important part of it. Closing my eyes and repeating a mantra that I can do this I sent the five marbles up and spinning using my will and magic alone. Opening my eyes once more I noticed the five floating and spinning at least a foot off my palm.

Without a foci controlling my magic was a lot tougher, foci are useful for fine-tuning the forces involved, but my power didn't change. So I wasn't too surprised by one then two marble crumbling into dust after I tried juggling them in the air. Whoops far too much power into holding the marbles up. Oh well Luna's impressed and I've got the three remaining marbles moving around.

"ThatÆs neat would you teach me how to do that?" Luna asked me politely.

Having it drilled into me that teaching others is one of the best ways to learn I nodded and briefly explained the purpose and logic behind the exercise. "Start using your wand then move on to doing it without a foci."

Blinking at this Luna asked "Foci? Why not say wand?"

"Wands are convenient and powerful foci, they aren't the only onesö I answered and with a tap of my own wand revealed a ring on my right hand "The Potter Ring is a magic foci, admittedly I can only use it for a certain grouping of spells but it is a foci none the less. Athames are another foci and so on, different types flow and shape magic differently."

Luna nodded at this explanation satisfied with my answer. I knew she had been given a hard time until I had showed up by her roommates, and I did pity her. My pity however had more to do with the fact that she had to see some bloody awful things. Demons might be mean but the Fallen, the Fallen were nasty SOBs mostly due to the fact that they were once good and knew how to be truly evil.
 

SotF

Well-Known Member
#2
Interesting so far, has a feel more like the Dresden Files than normal Harry Potter stuff and it seems to work
 

Sunhawk

Well-Known Member
#3
There's some awkwardness to be polished out in general.

A couple examples of errors that caught my eye:

"Not really a surprise given the only place in Europe that disliked the Order or the Church as much as magical Britain did was Russia I thought to himself as he listened."

Fix the pronouns at the end. Actually, it'd be best to cut out the last bit altogether, as the entire context is Harry's first-person thoughts.

"I had watched the pensieve memory of ten of their Golems take on a necromancerÆs legion of skeletons and other assorted nasties."

Tense error; "taking" should be used.

"Nothing like better living through superior firepower, so the Order which takes on all sorts of various demonic beasties has been spending the past fifty years trying to get the secrets to building true Golems instead of just the use of them."

Run-on, very run-on. Comma segment from "which takes on... demonic beasties". 'has' should be 'had'.

"Blue, the top level of the Order was filled with those who took the three Monastic oaths and promptly got renamed after a colour for some reason, glanced over each of us and began to give his briefing."

The aside needs to be in parenthesis or put in a separate sentence (preferably the latter). For example:

"'Blue' glanced over each of us and began to give his briefing. For some reason, the top level of the Order were renamed for a color after taking the three monastic oaths."

---

Just in general, get a pre-reader to smooth things out... if you don't have one, of course (you mentioned this as a "really raw draft", so perhaps you do).
 
#4
will you update this fic in separate topics or ion separate posts in the same topic?
i only ask since i mainly ignore new updates of old topics
 

Crow

New Member
#5
Acutely it does sound like a Dresden\HP crossover, but a good one. Come to think of it i haven't read a bad Dresden\HP crossover, anyway hope to see some more soon.

PS, love the IMF Golem rulez... are you sure it's not golum... where is my pressie....
 

zeebee1

Well-Known Member
#6
The main problem is your habit of using long sentences and forgetting to use commas. Or using one comma when there should be two. You also wrote Raven claw instead of Ravenclaw. There is also the issue of Hermione being perfectly alright despite the fact that there was no one to save her from the troll.
 

Waruiko

Well-Known Member
#7
It's not bad, but I've seen better. Not recently mind you, but I couldn't give this more than a 7.8/10 in anything remotly like good consious.
 

Bruce

Well-Known Member
#8
One question in my mind is why the areas around the roosters were not secured when it was discovered someone was killing them. Thing that acts like a security camera, alarm, and booby trap (not necesarily lethal like disguised and concealed flying portkeys to secure prisons or potion/gas traps or something that suddenly sucks wands that have not been keyed that enters the area with the force of several tons).
 

DeathGod666

Well-Known Member
#9
Just wondering what a golem was besides a giant being made of rock/stone. And what is this crosses with anyway? Well good story. Hope to see it updated soon.
 

Mighty Bob

Well-Known Member
#10
I like the start of this, though the perspective change after the first third kinda irked me at first. Since you've brought up the Catholic Church and Constantine being a psychic I'm guessing you're going by the Movie, rather than the Hellblazer series (which really is nothing at all like the movie.)

Would I be correct in guessing that Hermione is in fact physically alright because Dumbledore handled the whole VoldeQuirrel thing differently with Harry gone?
 

zeebee1

Well-Known Member
#11
That does seem the logical conclusion.

Dumbledore: Hmm. Do I follow the other faculty like a good little figure head? Or do I deal with the fact there is a monster in the school and the fact that it is all but impossible that everyone will end up safely in their dorms?
 
#12
Given that this is "an unbeta'd, pretty damn raw draft", the above comments on style and grammar were to be expected. I hope that you take the time to work over this draft and polish this story to the gem that it can potentially be.

That said, I'd like to welcome you to the forum and likewise congratulate you on your initial post here. I'm definitely going to be keeping an eye out for updates to this story.

SotF's comment that this story has the feel of the 'Dresden Files' has now made me intrigued enough to look up this show. As I feel the first task of a fanfiction author is to drum up interest in the series that he/she's a fan of, I'd like to thank you for writing a good enough story to point me to new material.

BTW: Do you have any stories already posted on FFN or other archives?
 

fitzgerald

Well-Known Member
#13
DeathGod666 said:
Just wondering what a golem was besides a giant being made of rock/stone. And what is this crosses with anyway? Well good story. Hope to see it updated soon.
By Golem I'm referring to a construct brought to live for a purpose or goal. Classically a man of clay and associated with Rabbi's.

In this case if I didn't make it clear the Israeli's are making Golems out of Tanks <Bwu ha ha ha ha ha>. In essence its a 10 ft tall creature of steel designed to rip to shreds its enemies through superior firepower and strength. Basically a mindless but programmed walking engine of destruction ~ perfect for taking magical beasties/hordes on with.

No real crosses more slight influences here and there from other series/genres.
 

DeathGod666

Well-Known Member
#14
fitzgerald said:
DeathGod666 said:
Just wondering what a golem was besides a giant being made of rock/stone.? And what is this crosses with anyway?? Well good story.? Hope to see it updated soon.
By Golem I'm referring to a construct brought to live for a purpose or goal. Classically a man of clay and associated with Rabbi's.

In this case if I didn't make it clear the Israeli's are making Golems out of Tanks <Bwu ha ha ha ha ha>. In essence its a 10 ft tall creature of steel designed to rip to shreds its enemies through superior firepower and strength. Basically a mindless but programmed walking engine of destruction ~ perfect for taking magical beasties/hordes on with.

No real crosses more slight influences here and there from other series/genres.
Ok thank you for the explanation. Can't wait to see more of this story :yay: :yay: :yay:
 

fitzgerald

Well-Known Member
#15
Mighty Bob said:
I like the start of this, though the perspective change after the first third kinda irked me at first. Since you've brought up the Catholic Church and Constantine being a psychic I'm guessing you're going by the Movie, rather than the Hellblazer series (which really is nothing at all like the movie.)

Would I be correct in guessing that Hermione is in fact physically alright because Dumbledore handled the whole VoldeQuirrel thing differently with Harry gone?
For the whole Luna/Constantine psyhic thing the only bit I'm borrowing from the movie sort of along the lines of whole "I see dead people" shtick from the movie I can't remeber the name of at the moment, is that the unfortunate bastards who lack everyone elses reality filters are screwed. The only question is if you should pity the insane ones or the mostly sane ones more.

In essence Luna really can see devils, demons, angels, and other creatures that exist in parrellel.

As for the whole Catholic Church thing. The answers pretty damn simple as an Institution its been around for ever, and inherited significant functions of the Roman Empire. I'm giving it the institutional and political leverage to stand up not only to the Ministry and Dumbledore, but English magical society as a whole. As for the faith aspects I'm not going to play them up to heavly, this more Harry as a Champion for the Light against evil Dark creatures.


1st Year: Harry not being there changed things significantly. So no Troll, and it was Dumbledore who dealt with Quirrel instead of giving Harry a chance to take him on. Do I want to rewrite the books, heck no.

The whole Gryffindor situation I see as the very incompatiable Ron and Hermione involved in what amounts to a good old pissing contest and have dragged their yearmates and juniors into it. Poor old Neville however is pratically Hermiones only lackey, whilst Ron has the hard core support of Seamus and Lavender.


Thanks for the all the comments. I'll see how much time I have after finals.

Linkage: only story currently on Ficwad, mostly cracks and one shots for HP that people are more than welcome to adopt

http://www.ficwad.com/viewstory.php?sid=51162

FFN: http://www.fanfiction.net/u/1117723/

Two Naruto stories I really need to revisit and re-edit.

Ripples is my answer to the concept of making Naruto an uber character by following the consquences through to the end and making him a God written before I had gotten over N/H pairings

Engaged: Take the old and not too often used idea of a political marriage mixing and matching Naruto and Temari. I want to rework and polish this one later, time line is right after the Chunnin exams and attempted to not really bash most characters.

Ciao
 

zeebee1

Well-Known Member
#16
I don't see Lavender supporting anybody. She obviously wouldn't support a nerdy girl. But she also wouldn't support a boy as immature as Ron. You should also avoid the pitfal of saying that Ron is in the wrong. Too many think that without Harry Ron would have no redeeming character. So far all we've seen Ron do is run off his mouth. You need to remember he is more than the school moron. Remember that in all arguments there can be more than one right side, and both sides can be wrong.
 

fitzgerald

Well-Known Member
#17
zeebee1 said:
I don't see Lavender supporting anybody. She obviously wouldn't support a nerdy girl. But she also wouldn't support a boy as immature as Ron. You should also avoid the pitfal of saying that Ron is in the wrong. Too many think that without Harry Ron would have no redeeming character. So far all we've seen Ron do is run off his mouth. You need to remember he is more than the school moron. Remember that in all arguments there can be more than one right side, and both sides can be wrong.
To be blunt I'm setting up Ron as the Black and White world view character he is at this point in time. He promotes a very narrow world view that is also heavy focused on Quidditch and being aggressive against the Slytherins

Hermione is a goody two shoes whose pressing an agenda of academic achievement along with a anti sport bias.

Classic Jocks versus Brains. Plus Lavenders the popular girl, whose she going to side with now really?

Not that either will get much screen time mind you. I'm writing about the iffin hero of the series (even if JK has decided its Snape for some reason). The whole Gryff sub plot has no real bearing, its just another distracter for Dumbles one of the saps on his time and energy.

Besides its my story and I'll make 'em dance how I want them. Including the macerna ~ though only if they go to Seville.

Ciao
 
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