Naruto Find Naruto!
- Thread starter Matdeception
- Start date
Sweeto! I can't tell you how happy I am to have inspired a truly enjoyable fic like this. I've got an idea for a Naruto/Anko only fic in the back of my mind, but I'm not even going to bother to try until I get IPoK done.
As far as suggestions, I was going to point out the "you're" "your" thing, but DKG beat me too it. The other suggestion I have for you is commas (fyi, this correction is what caused the whole mess over at Shinji's, sigh).
Should be
"... upset with you," the Hokage finished seriously, continuing before the younger woman had a chance to interrupt.
Notice the change from a period to a comma. I won't try to do the explanation myself, here's a good link for you to read about it:
Punctuating Dialogue
If you need further explanation, let me know and I'll do my best to help out. There were several places I noticed it, so I thought it would be good to point it out.
Finally, when you're finished, if you need a beta for it, let me know and I would be happy to do so.
Best,
~JohnnyG
As far as suggestions, I was going to point out the "you're" "your" thing, but DKG beat me too it. The other suggestion I have for you is commas (fyi, this correction is what caused the whole mess over at Shinji's, sigh).
Should be
"... upset with you," the Hokage finished seriously, continuing before the younger woman had a chance to interrupt.
Notice the change from a period to a comma. I won't try to do the explanation myself, here's a good link for you to read about it:
Punctuating Dialogue
If you need further explanation, let me know and I'll do my best to help out. There were several places I noticed it, so I thought it would be good to point it out.
Finally, when you're finished, if you need a beta for it, let me know and I would be happy to do so.
Best,
~JohnnyG
Please, please, tell me that this is going to end up in the lemon section. Let your inner-ero run free, Matdeception!
As DKG said, "DELICIOUS."
pretentious
Shorten home coming to homecoming.
'Screw them!' The slightly psychotic kunoichi really didn't care. The hateful glares and obscene gestures - those got a smile out of her - weren't new by any stretch of the imagination.
You're referring to more than one hateful glare and obscene gesture, so anything related to them should be plural as well. You also only have two items in your list (hateful glare etc.) so normally and is used instead of a comma. I capitalized the first word after 'Screw them!' because it felt a little clunky to have the mental dialogue and Anko not caring as part of the same sentence. Maybe someone with a better grasp of english grammar could take a look at my corrections?
kunoichi, watch out for this one, it appears a few times.
The other errors are in the same vein as what I corrected above. A few spelling errors, compound words seperated into two parts, that sort of thing. All of it is pretty minor stuff that I have trouble with sometimes, and a lot of the spelling errors feel more like unconscious typing errors than anything else so it's definitely no big deal. Spell check will catch most of it, forcing it to ignore the normal stuff like Konoha is annoying, but what can you do, eh?
This is a really good fic. I look forward to reading more...or shall I say
MOAR!!!
As DKG said, "DELICIOUS."
pretentious
Shorten home coming to homecoming.
'Screw them!' The slightly psychotic kunoichi really didn't care. The hateful glares and obscene gestures - those got a smile out of her - weren't new by any stretch of the imagination.
You're referring to more than one hateful glare and obscene gesture, so anything related to them should be plural as well. You also only have two items in your list (hateful glare etc.) so normally and is used instead of a comma. I capitalized the first word after 'Screw them!' because it felt a little clunky to have the mental dialogue and Anko not caring as part of the same sentence. Maybe someone with a better grasp of english grammar could take a look at my corrections?
kunoichi, watch out for this one, it appears a few times.
The other errors are in the same vein as what I corrected above. A few spelling errors, compound words seperated into two parts, that sort of thing. All of it is pretty minor stuff that I have trouble with sometimes, and a lot of the spelling errors feel more like unconscious typing errors than anything else so it's definitely no big deal. Spell check will catch most of it, forcing it to ignore the normal stuff like Konoha is annoying, but what can you do, eh?
This is a really good fic. I look forward to reading more...or shall I say
MOAR!!!
Who doesn't?
No immediate plans, I'm afraid. I had nearly three chapters of TUA written and ready to go, when my computer reared up and gave me the big FU, then blew the hard drive up.
Aside from that, it nuked my outlines, and just totally turned me off from fanfiction writing for awhile. Ended up playing WoW for a good long while, I still do btw, raiding guild, lots of fun.
Anyway, who knows? Might get re-energized on that front. Any other fic in particular you're wondering about?
No immediate plans, I'm afraid. I had nearly three chapters of TUA written and ready to go, when my computer reared up and gave me the big FU, then blew the hard drive up.
Aside from that, it nuked my outlines, and just totally turned me off from fanfiction writing for awhile. Ended up playing WoW for a good long while, I still do btw, raiding guild, lots of fun.
Anyway, who knows? Might get re-energized on that front. Any other fic in particular you're wondering about?
Sounds like a winner to me.
I do wonder what the aftermath will be, others searching far and wide within the time of Anko and Naruto's Vacation, a panic or intrest as it sends the Rookie's far and away, also since Sasuke turned traitor, making the Village look weak?
Would others think the sadistic, murdering, little boy loving ass Orochimaru did it? Making comments like that, If Orochimaru heard that the boy was missing, would he also look out for him?>
I was just thinking to myself how Anko could condition Naruto, Expanding his endurance trainning? Seduction techniques, *Gasp* If Anko is a Nympho, what techniques does she know of that is not listed? She goes far and wide, doing who knows what for long times, what would be the limits of her knowledge?
Good to see your work Mateception and know you exsist, BTW? I am curious who you like better, Horde or Alliance?
*LOL* I just had the mental picture of the results of Anko's work, Naruto dressed diffrently than before, and Anko draped over him, if they just showed up in the office with Tsunade, after everyone was far away, how angry would she be?
Continue when you can.
I do wonder what the aftermath will be, others searching far and wide within the time of Anko and Naruto's Vacation, a panic or intrest as it sends the Rookie's far and away, also since Sasuke turned traitor, making the Village look weak?
Would others think the sadistic, murdering, little boy loving ass Orochimaru did it? Making comments like that, If Orochimaru heard that the boy was missing, would he also look out for him?>
I was just thinking to myself how Anko could condition Naruto, Expanding his endurance trainning? Seduction techniques, *Gasp* If Anko is a Nympho, what techniques does she know of that is not listed? She goes far and wide, doing who knows what for long times, what would be the limits of her knowledge?
Good to see your work Mateception and know you exsist, BTW? I am curious who you like better, Horde or Alliance?
*LOL* I just had the mental picture of the results of Anko's work, Naruto dressed diffrently than before, and Anko draped over him, if they just showed up in the office with Tsunade, after everyone was far away, how angry would she be?
Continue when you can.
Oh my god! I've just been acknowledged!
Heh. Kidding.
As for Horde or Alliance? Well, my initial character was a 60th Horde Warlock. I love the Horde, really do, but my play times make getting into a guild capable of MC and above impossible. I'm a night owl, and on my server (Garona) there's just not enough Horde to make a late night raiding guild.
So I joined the Alliance. It's full of kiddies, and honestly I really don't like it for the most part, but the raiders in the guild, 'Forged in Fire', make it all worth while. Currently a 60th Level Paladin, almost full teir 2, making headway with AQ40 and Naxx. It rules, seriously.
Heh. Kidding.
As for Horde or Alliance? Well, my initial character was a 60th Horde Warlock. I love the Horde, really do, but my play times make getting into a guild capable of MC and above impossible. I'm a night owl, and on my server (Garona) there's just not enough Horde to make a late night raiding guild.
So I joined the Alliance. It's full of kiddies, and honestly I really don't like it for the most part, but the raiders in the guild, 'Forged in Fire', make it all worth while. Currently a 60th Level Paladin, almost full teir 2, making headway with AQ40 and Naxx. It rules, seriously.
I have 10 characters on Uther, the highest being a level 60 Undead warrior named Yorik (my original character that I started a day or two after WoW hit stores back in 2004). I've got an Alliancer or two on Uther as well, most of the Alliance are idiots but there's a few good ones hanging around. The top Alliance guild on my server, Ascendance, is one of the best in WoW, and I'm planning on signing up my Paladin for Gypsy Cab Company when I get enough money to renew my subscription.
I'm not a big buff when it comes to other serves guilds. Don't really follow em. I only mentioned 'Forged in Fire' because it's the only Late Night raiding guild I know of, period. I'm sure theres more, but like I said, don't really follow other servers guilds.
Oh, and DKG? I just have to say, you're little video with Data going apeshit cause of the blue screen of death never fails to make me chuckle.
Oh, and DKG? I just have to say, you're little video with Data going apeshit cause of the blue screen of death never fails to make me chuckle.