Naruto Find Naruto!
- Thread starter Matdeception
- Start date
This is the 'Final' posting for this, mainly just a proof read version with grammar touch ups. I'm not going to actually post this anywhere other then here for the time being, as as I write future chapters I tend to think up sup plots to help the over all plot, some times requiring me to back track and lay the 'foundation' for those plots.
I'll probably post this offically once I get a chapter or two ahead, and become comfortable with the progression and direction of the story to the point I won't have to back track and rewrite things to keep the story on track.
Anyway, big thanks to JohnnyG for Beta-reading this (Correcting my screw ups, yare yare yare).
Find Naruto!
Written By: Matdeception
Proof Read/Corrections by: JohnnyG
-----
Mitarashi Anko grinned ruefully as she, for the first time in six long months, stepped into the town of her birth. Her insane grin left many of the local inhabitants off balance at the sheer joy that seemed to radiate from the lesser Pariah of Konoha. Even worse in their eyes, she made no show of giving a damn that they ever so thoughtfully sneered, cursed, and made rude gestures as she passed by; practically skipping like a sixteen-year-old girl who just got laid by the type of boy that would piss her parents off.
'Screw them!' The slightly psychotic kunoichi really didn't care. The hateful glares, obscene gestures - that got a smile out of her - wasn't new by any stretch of imagination. Being the sole surviving apprentice to that sadistic, murdering, little-boy loving ass Orochimaru had earned her nothing but scorn and contempt, even when she had betrayed him to the Third. The memories of her teenage years, being physically spat on, beaten, and generally considered no more than a dead woman walking because of her past association with the creep had turned her into the beautiful, exotic, and absolutely dead-sexy bitch she was today, quite humble too, if she did say so herself.
"Sound spy!" an ugly hag spat from the side, as the exotic kunoichi made her way towards the administration office. But she paid her no mind, at least on the surface. While the general contempt she endured as a teenager had lessened somewhat with time, the resurgence of the Snake Sannin during the bloody Sand/Sound attack had reopened the old wounds, and the people had to look for a scapegoat to throw their petty insecurities and baseless accusations on, even if only to make themselves feel better.
Her 'friend' count took a steep nosedive after that bloody fiasco, and in a really shitty way in her opinion.
'Bastards! Not even my old fuck buddies wanna have anything to do with me!' That was the worst part of it, as far as she was concerned. Three years since the failed invasion, three years since she had a man pound her tight little twat into submission, it was agony. At least she still had Kurenai, the crimson-eyed illusionist was always good for a lay, at least when she was off of that on again, off again relationship with that Asuma prick. Thoughts of that particular nympho shot a quiver through her insides, feeding the inferno of raw lust she had been holding in check - barely - for months on end now.
"Welcome to... oh, it's *you*," a rather pretty Desk-nin spat in her direction, her prissy attitude just screaming 'I'm a stuck up bitch who sleeps with her father!' Which wouldn't surprise Anko if it were true.
"Yeah, yeah, it's me." the Snake Mistress leered at the woman, placing a hand on the paper pushers desk. "You PMS'ing or something?"
If the little prissy nin was going to respond, she stopped after sighting the snakes escaping the older woman's trench-coat. The serpents slithered across the desk, stopping just at the edge where the bitch was sitting. Just when Anko thought she was going to piss her panties, she proved that even desk workers could muster up some sort of spine.
"Whore..." she sneered out, "...just do the world a favor and drown yourself!"
"Would if I could..." Anko said with a smirk, pulling the snakes back into her cloak. "But I oh so need to deliver these wonderful reports, you know, for the fantastic mission where I oh so cruelly murdered the innocents and spread disease and famine to the locals. You understand, don't you?" Needless to say, sarcasm dripped off each and every word, threatening to drown the young desk-nin.
The cantankerous young bitch rolled her eyes. "Hokage-sama is meeting that demon brat," she said, flippantly waving the older woman off. "Just leave."
Anko sighed inwardly, shaking her head at the rude bitch before moving on. Now that that brat was mentioned, she realized there was at least one person in this village, which she lovingly referred to as hell, she could relate too. 'Hell, that brat has it worse off then I did!' While the Invasion by the Sand and Sound involved multiple sources, multiple people with which the population could direct their hate and righteous fury on, the Kyuubi incident had no such luxury. A single demon, great as it might have been, had rained destruction down on the Leaf, not to mention it was responsible for the death of the Beloved Fourth. Sealing that nightmare into a kid was just wrong, even by her own admittedly lax standards, it was just cruel in her opinion, despite the fact such a sacrifice was needed. Still, one being, one container, and all the hate and loathing that went with it, made her suffering tame in comparison.
She shook those morbid thoughts off. 'Screw em, screw em all! I'm finally back, and I'm sure as hell not going to let these pretentious skanks ruin my damn homecoming!' The fact said home coming was going to consist of a bar, more sake needed to kill a horse, dangos an absolute, and if she was really lucky, a strapping man, or a woman if she was desperate enough, who could see past the bullshit and be willing to fuck her senseless.
Really, was that too much to ask for?
The door to the Hokage's private office was flanked by two non-descript ANBU shinobi, the Hokage's private guards obviously. She had just arrived when she heard the shout, "No! No way Oba-chan! Two months?! That's too long damn it, Sasuke doesn't have much time left before that Orochimaru bastard takes his body!"
That annoying wail struck a cord in her all too well. Uzumaki Naruto, Local Pariah - next to her - had finally come home after so many years it seemed. 'Damn brat.' she sighed inwardly. The situation with the Uchiha brat was one mother of a sour topic with the Leaf, and anything dealing with Orochimaru-teme soured her mood regardless.
The ANBU guards moved to intercept her as she approached the door, took a second to inspect her, before they moved the fuck out of the way as if she had the plague. That brought a grin to her lips, for once happy with her reputation as she breezed by and slammed the doors open, proclaiming loud enough to override the annoying brats high pitched yells, "NEVER FEAR, MITARASHI ANKO IS HERE!"
The pigtailed Hokage and a rather handsome, spiky blond shot her dual withering glares, before turning their attention back on each other. 'Hmm, that cute kid can't be...' she shook her head then, spying the telltale whisker marks that proved, beyond any shadow of a doubt, this was the annoying brat she had met during the Chunin exams years back. 'Damn kids, growin up fast,' she thought to herself, pouting just a bit as both the Hokage and the kid ignored her outright. Ah well, it gave her some time to undress the fuckalicious Hokage with her eyes... first the jacket...
"It just ain't fair!" the spiky blonde reiterated after the interruption.
It was an old argument for Tsunade, and one that wasn't particularly limited to just Naruto either. Sakura, her most recent apprentice, was just as annoying, if not more so, than the Uzumaki brat could ever be. The pink-haired teenager was just a hell of a lot more subtle in her demands, not that they ever worked either; she'd be damned if teenagers managed to twist her arm in anything, much less her position as Hokage. Their obsession with Sasuke had finally reached the breaking point when it came to the older woman's patience in the matter, and she'd be damned to waste more resources and lives to bring back that little traitor. Kill him, oh yes, he was a risk to the Leaf and it's people after all, but rescue? No chance.
"I don't *care* if you think it's fair or not Naruto! You *will* take two months *vacation*, whether you like it or not!"
The blond glared, his cheeks flushed red, "But Sasuke..."
"Is not your concern!" Tsunade snapped, fist clenching tightly. He's just a kid, he's just a kid, don't break his jaw just to shut him up, you're the Hokage, control, control, stay in control. She overrode the boy when he looked ready to retort. "You've been training non-stop for the last two years, Naruto. The reports from your recent fight against Orochimaru and Sasuke list some very *dangerous* events, all of which Jiraiya warned us about prior to you taking that mission! You need to rest, give your body, and the seal, time to rest and regenerate itself to avoid future... incidents," she finished tentatively, eyeing the younger woman in the room, who was shamelessly leering at the both of them.
Anko delved deeper into her daydream, licking her lips. 'Oh Tsunade-chan, no bra? How bold...'
Naruto grumped, "I told you that ain't a problem! Sasuke..."
"Is a damn Traitor!" Tsunade snapped hatefully. "I don't care what you said he did; you will rest, you will enjoy your vacation, or I'll personally kick your ass back down to the Academy for a year! Do. You. Understand. Me!?!"
'Oh yes, touch my breasts Tsunade-chan! Oh you bad girl you!' Anko was now completely unaware of the area around her. 'Ooh, biting my nipples hmm? Naughty girl!'
Naruto sighed. 'Damn it, she's really serious this time!' From rather painful experience, he knew if he continued this little encounter he'd be in even more trouble than he already was. Tsunade-baa-chan didn't make threats, she made promises, he had no doubt she'd crush him like a bug if he dared fight this order. 'But I need to train, damn it! I'm not strong enough to kick Sasuke-teme's ass!' He thoughtfully tapped his chin. 'Well, guess I can always sneak some training in at night. Not like she'd watch me every damn day during the vacation, right? Sounds like a plan!'
"Fine, Hokage-sama." The honorific was a sure sign he was beyond pissed with the woman in question, but if it bothered the Hokage she certainly didn't show it, instead waving her hand in dismissal. He turned and left.
Or tried too, as he ran face to breast with someone whom he completely forgot had stormed in during the little tirade. The rage at being put on forced vacation guttered out the moment he realized he was pressed up against two orbs of pliable flesh; instead replaced with a feeling of imminent doom, a demise that would no doubt drag on for days and days until his mind eventually snapped, and that would be the least painful way he imagined Anko could go about his death.
A pair of arms wrapped tightly around his shoulders, followed by throaty-moans that left no doubt in Tsunade's mind just what was going through the Mitarashi woman's head. Naruto, however, didn't have a clue. "Ne, ne! Anko-san!" Or at least he tried to say that, but with his face pressed against the woman's generous bosom, it came out more like "NE!, NE! AFKO-wan!"
Anko blinked, her daydream ending just as Tsunade-chan began slipping her inquisitive fingers past the hem of her panties and into a special place, poking and prodding in just the oh so wonderful way she liked it. She looked down, slowly pushing the boy away and leering at him, "Was it as good for you as it was for me, Naruto-chan?"
Naruto was not an idiot, spinning around faster than Anko thought the kid was capable of, he took off in a run, leaping through the closed window and out to freedom.
Anko blinked owlishly at the sight, before settling into a grin. "That kid sure got cute, didn't he?" Went right through the window too! Didn't even pause! That was all kinds of cool in her book, well, for a teenager anyway.
Lips pursed, the older woman took a moment to respond to that particular observation. "I... suppose." It was true, Tsunade could admit to herself. Naruto certainly had grown, in more ways then one. "It's none of our business, in either case." Truthfully she just didn't want to talk about it with Anko, especially not Anko, not if she wanted to keep the darling boy innocent.
"Hmmm." Anko grinned, leaning up against the Hokage's desk, showing a complete lack of respect for the woman's office. "Bet he's a real lady killer, eh? That Hyuuga brat is prolly falling all over him by now, ain't she?"
"No," Tsunade snapped, praying to the all-mighty that small act would end this line of questioning. There was just something wrong with discussing Naruto's potential love life, or lack there of, with anyone, much less Anko of all people. The woman always set her on edge, with her leering, shifty eyes that just screamed dangerous and... primal she guessed was the word for it. Never mind the fact she always felt like the woman was undressing her with her eyes, best NOT to go there. "Enough of that, where's your report?"
Mitarashi flippantly tossed the papers on her superior's desk, listing off the missions highlights as she went. Standard fanfare; hired out to investigate a certain Seedy Corporation who looked like they were trying to wrestle control of a government through economic guerilla tactics, then ever so casually track down the big bad boys, stab them to death, gouge out their eyes, moan while covered in their blood,.. oh damn, oh...
Anko giggled.
Tsunade sweat-dropped, pointedly moving farther away from the insane woman. 'Damn, she's even crazier than usual! Six months out on the field, okay, that's not the most extreme mission I've ever ordered, but maybe it was just enough to push the woman off her rocker. "I see, good work, Mitarashi-san."
The younger woman blinked, snapping out of her daze, "Righty-o, anything else? I got me a date I don't intend to miss!" With a bar, but she didn't need to know that.
"One last thing." The older woman looked at the younger shinobi with a sharp glare. "I've been reviewing your files, Mitarashi-san."
"Eh? Okay." She shrugged. Nothing in there was a secret, anyway, well, except for the Cursed Seal, but the Hokage sure as hell had the right to know about that anyway.
Tsunade pulled out a rather large scroll, rolling it out and examining it briefly. "In the past three years, four months, you've taken part in over one hundred and forty A through S rank solo missions, twenty three team missions, and you've assassinated four Daiymo from less than friendly neighboring countries. Rather bloody deaths for those four, by the way."
Anko preened. The Hokage sure knew how to sweet talk, if she did say so herself.
"You've taken a grand total of twelve days off between missions, often times immediately delivering a report, and then leaving on yet another dangerous mission. Most of which end up with obscene amounts of property damage, and near one-hundred percent fatality rates for those involved."
'Nothing says dedication like wanton destruction! I wonder if I'm up for a promotion?'
"Quite frankly I'm rather..."
'Impressed? Bloody euphoric to have a bad ass kunoichi like me around? Horny as hell and want to screw me?' Anko leered lecherously with those thoughts. Damn, she needed to get out of here soon, the anticipation of a long, hot, steamy night was seriously screwing up her sense of cool.
"... upset with you," the Hokage finished seriously, continuing before the younger woman had a chance to interrupt. "A ninja must balance their duties with rest and relaxation, you apparently haven't been holding up to this standard." She breathed, firming her resolve as she spoke. "You're removed from Active duty for the next two months. Enjoy your vacation."
"Uh, no?" Anko commented with deceptive calm, her daydream with the Hokage as her personal slut-slave evaporating like mist in the scorching sun.
"Uh, yes." Tsunade responded with her own deadly serious tone.
The Mitarashi woman scowled, slamming her hands on the older woman's desk, rage evident in the twisted snarl gracing her features. "What the hell?! You can't do that! Take that vacation and shove it up your ass you old bag!" It was one thing to be back in town, a little R&R was welcome and appreciated, but two months? In a place where she was almost universally hated and scorned because of that snake bastard? She'd go stir crazy!
"So like Naruto," Tsunade mumbled. "You've been gone for six months, and prior to that you haven't taken more than a single day off between missions, if that. Ah ah..," she waved her finger threateningly when it looked like the snake woman was about to interject, "... I checked your files, I know it's true."
"So what?" Anko snapped. No, no, no, she was not going to accept a two month vacation! Fuck that! Did this woman have any idea how hard it was to stay cool and controlled when she couldn't kick someone's ass every now and then? "No way, no how! I refuse! You can't make me damn it!"
"Stop whining," the older woman snapped. "Geesh, you really are like Naruto, y'know that?"
Bristling, she was ready to let loose with things like 'Fuck you!', or 'Eat my ass!' but thought better of it. It must be the Hokage's time of the month; she was certainly acting like an uber-bitch to the Uzumaki brat, heck, she even made *him* take two months off, and the big breasted kunoichi actually liked that brat! What chance did she really have when compared to him?
"Two months. Don't care what you do, who you do, how you do it. I don't want to see you in this building, now get out and enjoy your vacation!"
---
'This is bullshit!' Uzumaki Naruto snapped mentally as he made his way up the stairs of his apartment complex. Meh, more like an abandoned building with him acting as the squatter. No one had moved in since he had turned seven, and everyone had vacated almost as soon as they found out he lived there for reasons, at the time, he couldn't fathom.
The Kyuubi Carrier ignored the oppressive solitude that surrounded him each and every time he came home, it was inconsequential to his current piss poor mood. 'Two months? I'm suspended from active duty for two freaking months cause of the crap with Orochimaru and Yamato-taicho?' he growled, fist clenching as he thought about that particular incident. The fact he got to see Sasuke help lift his spirits, even more so when he somehow - someway - managed to suppress Kyuubi-teme's chakra back behind the seal.
Sakura crying when he ran off with Orochimaru, again, pretty much killed any sentiment he might have felt at seeing the bastard again, never mind the completely *retarded* plan the dumb ass came up with when it came to offing Itachi. 'Oh me, oh my, I'm such a pussy I'm gonna let Mr. Pedophile crawl up my ass and take over my body, because together, we can take out Itachi!' he raved mentally as he stepped into his crummy little apartment and slammed the door shut.
'Pfeh. And now Oba-chan and Ero-sennin won't let me do anything! Two months 'vacation', damn it! I can't waste time here, I need to train, I need to get stronger damn it!' he sighed, shaking his head at the sheer stupidity of his peers. Couldn't they just let him be, or better yet, train him more? Next time he wouldn't even touch the Kyuubi's Chakra, he'd beat Sasuke into the ground with his bare hands, then kick Orochimaru's ass around with a few hundred Rasengans where the sun don't shine!
He sighed, in no mood to even make himself some ramen for dinner. He slumped on his bed and just laid there, staring at the ceiling.
----
'This is bullshit!' mirrored the thoughts of a sixteen year old boy in a twenty-eight-year-old woman, said woman practically sulking as she slumped on her stool. The bar she found herself in tended to be rather loud and teeming with adrenaline junkies, her fellow shinobi, and more than enough handsome cock wielders to give her at least a dismal chance of snaring one. Of course, luck was never with her, ever, never ever! Only one Shinobi was here, and it was that cancer-stick smoking, little twat Asuma! The dance floor, normally streaming with rivers of exposed fleshed was empty for a reason the woman couldn't even begin to fathom, and the sake...
Well at least the sake was still there, and the only reason she hadn't snapped and killed some one by that point.
That was where the good news ended. Kurenai wasn't even in town! Off on a 'last minute' mission, or so they said as they shoveled that shitty excuse down her throat. She was so fucking wired to blow in sexual frustration it was becoming painful. Unfair! Unfair! Life was so fucking unfair! Not only was her one surefire sexual outlet gone, her only company was a man who quite openly detested her very existence throughout the years.
Anko simply felt like crying, and in a totally bizarre reaction to any who knew her, she did just that.
Asuma liked to think he was an observant man, one capable of empathic foresight and cunning intellect, and he supposed he was to a point, but even he couldn't figure out what was wrong with the Snake woman, and he was pretty sure he didn't even want to try. 'Damn shame...' he sighed, lamenting the absence of his usual drinking buddies. The recent events near the Sound border had caused an influx of A rank and S missions, sending most of the available Jounin out and leaving him alone with none other than the crazy, out of her fucking mind, Mitarashi Anko; the same bitch who had 'playfully' tried to kunai his one-eyed wonder off when she found out he had been sleeping with Kurenai.
No, he had never really forgiven the woman for that. Still, this crazy was the best friend of his girlfriend, admittedly they were currently off of their on again, off again relationship, but that didn't really bother Asuma in the slightest. It was, of course, only a matter of time until the crimson eyed Kunoichi craved man-meat again, which was something her bisexual lover - and yes, pretty much all the Jounin in their little group knew about both women's sexual appetites - could never hope to truly replace.
The sight of the crazy snake woman crying, however, spurred him into making the initial contact.
"Smoke?" he grumped, holding his pack out.
"Piss off, Asuma," Anko snapped angrily, despite the tears.
"Oh look, it's the cunt." Asuma frowned, glancing back. A man, civilian by appearance with a severely lacking musculature structure, with shaggy brown hair and black piggy-looking eyes stood sneering at the woman. 'Guy has some balls insulting Mitarashi like that.'
"Jiro," the woman in question sneered hatefully, her tears tapered off as she became reacquainted with a sensation she knew all to well. Hate, rage, it focused and momentarily and cleared away the hopelessness she was feeling at the moment. If there was one insult she wouldn't take, it was 'cunt'. "Didn't think you'd be in town, yer pigs must be getting lonely without you to cheer em up."
"Pfeh," the man snorted. "Says the skank who's crying. So, what's wrong now? Realized no one likes you yet?"
"Hey, HEY!" Anko snapped, waving a fist threateningly "You shut the fuck up, Jiro-teme, or Hokage help me I'll kick your ass!"
Rolling his beady piggy eyes, Jiro snorted. "Oh yeah, love to see that. A trained shinobi attacking little ole me, have you no decency?" He chuckled then, finding himself greatly amused, "Never mind, forgot you're that Snake bastards fuck toy."
Anko really didn't want to deal with this bastard. Bad enough she was having one of the worst days of her life, not the worst - nothing could compare to the day that bastard Orochimaru put that damn seal on her - but close enough. 'I just want to tear off his god damn head and shit down his...' she sighed, shaking off that thought. Her raging libido and the frustration from being unable to quell the fires was effecting her more than she cared to admit. 'I wonder if Asuma would mind...' she quickly buried, burned, and nuked that thought right out of her skull. 'Shit, shit, I'm getting sooo desperate.'
"Hey Sarutobi-san." the piggy bastard pointedly ignored the Snake woman, "Tell me, why do we allow this... woman..." he spat that word out with such disgust it made Anko preen "... stay here? Hell, why do we let that demon live while were on the topic of freaks?"
Asuma sighed, blowing out a large steady stream of smoke. 'What an ass.' Anko's reputation aside, Naruto wasn't anything like a demon. Too bright and cheerful for his own damn good, okay he'd give anyone that, but a demon? He snorted, "Uzumaki-san and Mitarashi-san are members of the Leaf, not to mention both were born within Konoha and are entitled to the same rights and privileges as any other citizen." He finished in a frosty, at least for the lazy Jounin that he was, glare at the other man.
Jiro snorted at that. "Think what you like. I know for a fact they are merely tolerated, and that's at best."
The woman in question was only paying cursory attention to the conversation, far more focused on her mental checklist of men who might be willing to screw her senseless, and men she'd actually be willing to let touch her. The list was not so surprisingly short, as in non-existent. She pouted.
Asuma rolled his eyes, taking a long drink from his sake bottle. 'Does this guy ever shut up?'
"Can you even imagine what kind of hell will be unleash if either of them breed?!" Jiro continued, completely ignorant of just what he was about to cause with his comments. "Worse, what would happen if they decided to breed with each other?! Demon Snakes, that's what!" he finished in a shout.
"PFFFFT!" Sarutobi spewed his Sake all over the bartender at that comment. "WHAT?!"
Anko on the other hand, heard the comment, and did something that would leave both men quivering in fear and praying for the world to end quickly, and as painlessly as possible if they knew exactly what she was doing.
She considered it.
'Uzumaki Naruto.' The woman blinked slowly as she digested the name once more. The mental image of the cute boy she had momentarily spied in the Hokage's Office appeared in her mind as she reevaluated him on the whole. When she had first met him, he had been quickly labeled, and dumped into her 'naive and stupid' pile, and quite frankly she never really thought about him again on a serious note past that point. Now, however, she mentally debated the pro's and con's in a desperate attempt to label him back into the na?ve and stupid pile, or the 'Certainly Fuckable' pile.
'Cons. He's young, probably a virgin, annoying, loud, and likely to put up a fight. His inexperience would make the entire ordeal long and frustrating,' the Snake Mistress considered thoughtfully. 'Pros. He has no real attachments, that Hyuuga and Haruno brat don't count for obvious reasons, didn't have any reason to hate her - fear her, yes, but not hate - his stamina was practically legendary in the shinobi circles, and if all goes well he'd be able to satisfy the storehouse of lust and sexual frustration she had built up over the last three years.'
She didn't debate very long at all.
"BINGO!" she screamed, standing up from her stool before slamming down the last of her sake. Asuma and Jiro just stared at her weirdly, but she ignored them in the end. 'Naruto, oh yeah, you annoying little bastard! When I find you I'm going to...'
Anko giggled.
Jiro fainted.
Asuma cried.
----
Naruto snored, trapped in the land of dreams where he was currently diving headlong into a mountain of ramen, with Orochimaru and Sasuke-teme bound with chains and hanging upside down from a nearby tree. Sakura was dancing in a nearby flower field and appeared as happy as can be; all in all, the perfect dream.
A small rock hitting his window was ruthlessly ignored the first time. The second time he twisted in his bed, but otherwise ignored the annoying sound. When an unopened cup of ramen hit the window with a dull rattle, the Kyuubi carrier snapped awake, cerulean orbs frantically scanning his dark room in a desperate search for what dared disturbed his dreams.
'Nothing?' he blinked. His door was locked, all the lights were off, and the heavy rain outside created a dull roar that in and of itself wouldn't have been able to wake him up, even if he was outside sleeping without a tent. 'Just what in the...'
A sudden bang against his window caught his attention. 'The way it sounded... like crushed dry noodles slamming against each other...' He had an epiphany, "RAMEN!" He jumped up on his knees and stared out the window. The dark figure that chose that very moment to crash through the window and roughly tackle him came as quite an unwelcome surprise.
----
If anyone had bothered to look up at Naruto's now broken window, they just might have wondered at the soft shouts and yells, quickly followed by bright flashes and screams, such as "RASENGAHHH", which was quickly followed by a soft explosion, which was then followed by "NE! NE! Stop biting... oh... geesh... poison?" All of which finished up with a rather loud thud, and a dark, near manic cackling from the victor of the battle.
That was if anyone bothered to look, which they didn't.
I'll probably post this offically once I get a chapter or two ahead, and become comfortable with the progression and direction of the story to the point I won't have to back track and rewrite things to keep the story on track.
Anyway, big thanks to JohnnyG for Beta-reading this (Correcting my screw ups, yare yare yare).
Find Naruto!
Written By: Matdeception
Proof Read/Corrections by: JohnnyG
-----
Mitarashi Anko grinned ruefully as she, for the first time in six long months, stepped into the town of her birth. Her insane grin left many of the local inhabitants off balance at the sheer joy that seemed to radiate from the lesser Pariah of Konoha. Even worse in their eyes, she made no show of giving a damn that they ever so thoughtfully sneered, cursed, and made rude gestures as she passed by; practically skipping like a sixteen-year-old girl who just got laid by the type of boy that would piss her parents off.
'Screw them!' The slightly psychotic kunoichi really didn't care. The hateful glares, obscene gestures - that got a smile out of her - wasn't new by any stretch of imagination. Being the sole surviving apprentice to that sadistic, murdering, little-boy loving ass Orochimaru had earned her nothing but scorn and contempt, even when she had betrayed him to the Third. The memories of her teenage years, being physically spat on, beaten, and generally considered no more than a dead woman walking because of her past association with the creep had turned her into the beautiful, exotic, and absolutely dead-sexy bitch she was today, quite humble too, if she did say so herself.
"Sound spy!" an ugly hag spat from the side, as the exotic kunoichi made her way towards the administration office. But she paid her no mind, at least on the surface. While the general contempt she endured as a teenager had lessened somewhat with time, the resurgence of the Snake Sannin during the bloody Sand/Sound attack had reopened the old wounds, and the people had to look for a scapegoat to throw their petty insecurities and baseless accusations on, even if only to make themselves feel better.
Her 'friend' count took a steep nosedive after that bloody fiasco, and in a really shitty way in her opinion.
'Bastards! Not even my old fuck buddies wanna have anything to do with me!' That was the worst part of it, as far as she was concerned. Three years since the failed invasion, three years since she had a man pound her tight little twat into submission, it was agony. At least she still had Kurenai, the crimson-eyed illusionist was always good for a lay, at least when she was off of that on again, off again relationship with that Asuma prick. Thoughts of that particular nympho shot a quiver through her insides, feeding the inferno of raw lust she had been holding in check - barely - for months on end now.
"Welcome to... oh, it's *you*," a rather pretty Desk-nin spat in her direction, her prissy attitude just screaming 'I'm a stuck up bitch who sleeps with her father!' Which wouldn't surprise Anko if it were true.
"Yeah, yeah, it's me." the Snake Mistress leered at the woman, placing a hand on the paper pushers desk. "You PMS'ing or something?"
If the little prissy nin was going to respond, she stopped after sighting the snakes escaping the older woman's trench-coat. The serpents slithered across the desk, stopping just at the edge where the bitch was sitting. Just when Anko thought she was going to piss her panties, she proved that even desk workers could muster up some sort of spine.
"Whore..." she sneered out, "...just do the world a favor and drown yourself!"
"Would if I could..." Anko said with a smirk, pulling the snakes back into her cloak. "But I oh so need to deliver these wonderful reports, you know, for the fantastic mission where I oh so cruelly murdered the innocents and spread disease and famine to the locals. You understand, don't you?" Needless to say, sarcasm dripped off each and every word, threatening to drown the young desk-nin.
The cantankerous young bitch rolled her eyes. "Hokage-sama is meeting that demon brat," she said, flippantly waving the older woman off. "Just leave."
Anko sighed inwardly, shaking her head at the rude bitch before moving on. Now that that brat was mentioned, she realized there was at least one person in this village, which she lovingly referred to as hell, she could relate too. 'Hell, that brat has it worse off then I did!' While the Invasion by the Sand and Sound involved multiple sources, multiple people with which the population could direct their hate and righteous fury on, the Kyuubi incident had no such luxury. A single demon, great as it might have been, had rained destruction down on the Leaf, not to mention it was responsible for the death of the Beloved Fourth. Sealing that nightmare into a kid was just wrong, even by her own admittedly lax standards, it was just cruel in her opinion, despite the fact such a sacrifice was needed. Still, one being, one container, and all the hate and loathing that went with it, made her suffering tame in comparison.
She shook those morbid thoughts off. 'Screw em, screw em all! I'm finally back, and I'm sure as hell not going to let these pretentious skanks ruin my damn homecoming!' The fact said home coming was going to consist of a bar, more sake needed to kill a horse, dangos an absolute, and if she was really lucky, a strapping man, or a woman if she was desperate enough, who could see past the bullshit and be willing to fuck her senseless.
Really, was that too much to ask for?
The door to the Hokage's private office was flanked by two non-descript ANBU shinobi, the Hokage's private guards obviously. She had just arrived when she heard the shout, "No! No way Oba-chan! Two months?! That's too long damn it, Sasuke doesn't have much time left before that Orochimaru bastard takes his body!"
That annoying wail struck a cord in her all too well. Uzumaki Naruto, Local Pariah - next to her - had finally come home after so many years it seemed. 'Damn brat.' she sighed inwardly. The situation with the Uchiha brat was one mother of a sour topic with the Leaf, and anything dealing with Orochimaru-teme soured her mood regardless.
The ANBU guards moved to intercept her as she approached the door, took a second to inspect her, before they moved the fuck out of the way as if she had the plague. That brought a grin to her lips, for once happy with her reputation as she breezed by and slammed the doors open, proclaiming loud enough to override the annoying brats high pitched yells, "NEVER FEAR, MITARASHI ANKO IS HERE!"
The pigtailed Hokage and a rather handsome, spiky blond shot her dual withering glares, before turning their attention back on each other. 'Hmm, that cute kid can't be...' she shook her head then, spying the telltale whisker marks that proved, beyond any shadow of a doubt, this was the annoying brat she had met during the Chunin exams years back. 'Damn kids, growin up fast,' she thought to herself, pouting just a bit as both the Hokage and the kid ignored her outright. Ah well, it gave her some time to undress the fuckalicious Hokage with her eyes... first the jacket...
"It just ain't fair!" the spiky blonde reiterated after the interruption.
It was an old argument for Tsunade, and one that wasn't particularly limited to just Naruto either. Sakura, her most recent apprentice, was just as annoying, if not more so, than the Uzumaki brat could ever be. The pink-haired teenager was just a hell of a lot more subtle in her demands, not that they ever worked either; she'd be damned if teenagers managed to twist her arm in anything, much less her position as Hokage. Their obsession with Sasuke had finally reached the breaking point when it came to the older woman's patience in the matter, and she'd be damned to waste more resources and lives to bring back that little traitor. Kill him, oh yes, he was a risk to the Leaf and it's people after all, but rescue? No chance.
"I don't *care* if you think it's fair or not Naruto! You *will* take two months *vacation*, whether you like it or not!"
The blond glared, his cheeks flushed red, "But Sasuke..."
"Is not your concern!" Tsunade snapped, fist clenching tightly. He's just a kid, he's just a kid, don't break his jaw just to shut him up, you're the Hokage, control, control, stay in control. She overrode the boy when he looked ready to retort. "You've been training non-stop for the last two years, Naruto. The reports from your recent fight against Orochimaru and Sasuke list some very *dangerous* events, all of which Jiraiya warned us about prior to you taking that mission! You need to rest, give your body, and the seal, time to rest and regenerate itself to avoid future... incidents," she finished tentatively, eyeing the younger woman in the room, who was shamelessly leering at the both of them.
Anko delved deeper into her daydream, licking her lips. 'Oh Tsunade-chan, no bra? How bold...'
Naruto grumped, "I told you that ain't a problem! Sasuke..."
"Is a damn Traitor!" Tsunade snapped hatefully. "I don't care what you said he did; you will rest, you will enjoy your vacation, or I'll personally kick your ass back down to the Academy for a year! Do. You. Understand. Me!?!"
'Oh yes, touch my breasts Tsunade-chan! Oh you bad girl you!' Anko was now completely unaware of the area around her. 'Ooh, biting my nipples hmm? Naughty girl!'
Naruto sighed. 'Damn it, she's really serious this time!' From rather painful experience, he knew if he continued this little encounter he'd be in even more trouble than he already was. Tsunade-baa-chan didn't make threats, she made promises, he had no doubt she'd crush him like a bug if he dared fight this order. 'But I need to train, damn it! I'm not strong enough to kick Sasuke-teme's ass!' He thoughtfully tapped his chin. 'Well, guess I can always sneak some training in at night. Not like she'd watch me every damn day during the vacation, right? Sounds like a plan!'
"Fine, Hokage-sama." The honorific was a sure sign he was beyond pissed with the woman in question, but if it bothered the Hokage she certainly didn't show it, instead waving her hand in dismissal. He turned and left.
Or tried too, as he ran face to breast with someone whom he completely forgot had stormed in during the little tirade. The rage at being put on forced vacation guttered out the moment he realized he was pressed up against two orbs of pliable flesh; instead replaced with a feeling of imminent doom, a demise that would no doubt drag on for days and days until his mind eventually snapped, and that would be the least painful way he imagined Anko could go about his death.
A pair of arms wrapped tightly around his shoulders, followed by throaty-moans that left no doubt in Tsunade's mind just what was going through the Mitarashi woman's head. Naruto, however, didn't have a clue. "Ne, ne! Anko-san!" Or at least he tried to say that, but with his face pressed against the woman's generous bosom, it came out more like "NE!, NE! AFKO-wan!"
Anko blinked, her daydream ending just as Tsunade-chan began slipping her inquisitive fingers past the hem of her panties and into a special place, poking and prodding in just the oh so wonderful way she liked it. She looked down, slowly pushing the boy away and leering at him, "Was it as good for you as it was for me, Naruto-chan?"
Naruto was not an idiot, spinning around faster than Anko thought the kid was capable of, he took off in a run, leaping through the closed window and out to freedom.
Anko blinked owlishly at the sight, before settling into a grin. "That kid sure got cute, didn't he?" Went right through the window too! Didn't even pause! That was all kinds of cool in her book, well, for a teenager anyway.
Lips pursed, the older woman took a moment to respond to that particular observation. "I... suppose." It was true, Tsunade could admit to herself. Naruto certainly had grown, in more ways then one. "It's none of our business, in either case." Truthfully she just didn't want to talk about it with Anko, especially not Anko, not if she wanted to keep the darling boy innocent.
"Hmmm." Anko grinned, leaning up against the Hokage's desk, showing a complete lack of respect for the woman's office. "Bet he's a real lady killer, eh? That Hyuuga brat is prolly falling all over him by now, ain't she?"
"No," Tsunade snapped, praying to the all-mighty that small act would end this line of questioning. There was just something wrong with discussing Naruto's potential love life, or lack there of, with anyone, much less Anko of all people. The woman always set her on edge, with her leering, shifty eyes that just screamed dangerous and... primal she guessed was the word for it. Never mind the fact she always felt like the woman was undressing her with her eyes, best NOT to go there. "Enough of that, where's your report?"
Mitarashi flippantly tossed the papers on her superior's desk, listing off the missions highlights as she went. Standard fanfare; hired out to investigate a certain Seedy Corporation who looked like they were trying to wrestle control of a government through economic guerilla tactics, then ever so casually track down the big bad boys, stab them to death, gouge out their eyes, moan while covered in their blood,.. oh damn, oh...
Anko giggled.
Tsunade sweat-dropped, pointedly moving farther away from the insane woman. 'Damn, she's even crazier than usual! Six months out on the field, okay, that's not the most extreme mission I've ever ordered, but maybe it was just enough to push the woman off her rocker. "I see, good work, Mitarashi-san."
The younger woman blinked, snapping out of her daze, "Righty-o, anything else? I got me a date I don't intend to miss!" With a bar, but she didn't need to know that.
"One last thing." The older woman looked at the younger shinobi with a sharp glare. "I've been reviewing your files, Mitarashi-san."
"Eh? Okay." She shrugged. Nothing in there was a secret, anyway, well, except for the Cursed Seal, but the Hokage sure as hell had the right to know about that anyway.
Tsunade pulled out a rather large scroll, rolling it out and examining it briefly. "In the past three years, four months, you've taken part in over one hundred and forty A through S rank solo missions, twenty three team missions, and you've assassinated four Daiymo from less than friendly neighboring countries. Rather bloody deaths for those four, by the way."
Anko preened. The Hokage sure knew how to sweet talk, if she did say so herself.
"You've taken a grand total of twelve days off between missions, often times immediately delivering a report, and then leaving on yet another dangerous mission. Most of which end up with obscene amounts of property damage, and near one-hundred percent fatality rates for those involved."
'Nothing says dedication like wanton destruction! I wonder if I'm up for a promotion?'
"Quite frankly I'm rather..."
'Impressed? Bloody euphoric to have a bad ass kunoichi like me around? Horny as hell and want to screw me?' Anko leered lecherously with those thoughts. Damn, she needed to get out of here soon, the anticipation of a long, hot, steamy night was seriously screwing up her sense of cool.
"... upset with you," the Hokage finished seriously, continuing before the younger woman had a chance to interrupt. "A ninja must balance their duties with rest and relaxation, you apparently haven't been holding up to this standard." She breathed, firming her resolve as she spoke. "You're removed from Active duty for the next two months. Enjoy your vacation."
"Uh, no?" Anko commented with deceptive calm, her daydream with the Hokage as her personal slut-slave evaporating like mist in the scorching sun.
"Uh, yes." Tsunade responded with her own deadly serious tone.
The Mitarashi woman scowled, slamming her hands on the older woman's desk, rage evident in the twisted snarl gracing her features. "What the hell?! You can't do that! Take that vacation and shove it up your ass you old bag!" It was one thing to be back in town, a little R&R was welcome and appreciated, but two months? In a place where she was almost universally hated and scorned because of that snake bastard? She'd go stir crazy!
"So like Naruto," Tsunade mumbled. "You've been gone for six months, and prior to that you haven't taken more than a single day off between missions, if that. Ah ah..," she waved her finger threateningly when it looked like the snake woman was about to interject, "... I checked your files, I know it's true."
"So what?" Anko snapped. No, no, no, she was not going to accept a two month vacation! Fuck that! Did this woman have any idea how hard it was to stay cool and controlled when she couldn't kick someone's ass every now and then? "No way, no how! I refuse! You can't make me damn it!"
"Stop whining," the older woman snapped. "Geesh, you really are like Naruto, y'know that?"
Bristling, she was ready to let loose with things like 'Fuck you!', or 'Eat my ass!' but thought better of it. It must be the Hokage's time of the month; she was certainly acting like an uber-bitch to the Uzumaki brat, heck, she even made *him* take two months off, and the big breasted kunoichi actually liked that brat! What chance did she really have when compared to him?
"Two months. Don't care what you do, who you do, how you do it. I don't want to see you in this building, now get out and enjoy your vacation!"
---
'This is bullshit!' Uzumaki Naruto snapped mentally as he made his way up the stairs of his apartment complex. Meh, more like an abandoned building with him acting as the squatter. No one had moved in since he had turned seven, and everyone had vacated almost as soon as they found out he lived there for reasons, at the time, he couldn't fathom.
The Kyuubi Carrier ignored the oppressive solitude that surrounded him each and every time he came home, it was inconsequential to his current piss poor mood. 'Two months? I'm suspended from active duty for two freaking months cause of the crap with Orochimaru and Yamato-taicho?' he growled, fist clenching as he thought about that particular incident. The fact he got to see Sasuke help lift his spirits, even more so when he somehow - someway - managed to suppress Kyuubi-teme's chakra back behind the seal.
Sakura crying when he ran off with Orochimaru, again, pretty much killed any sentiment he might have felt at seeing the bastard again, never mind the completely *retarded* plan the dumb ass came up with when it came to offing Itachi. 'Oh me, oh my, I'm such a pussy I'm gonna let Mr. Pedophile crawl up my ass and take over my body, because together, we can take out Itachi!' he raved mentally as he stepped into his crummy little apartment and slammed the door shut.
'Pfeh. And now Oba-chan and Ero-sennin won't let me do anything! Two months 'vacation', damn it! I can't waste time here, I need to train, I need to get stronger damn it!' he sighed, shaking his head at the sheer stupidity of his peers. Couldn't they just let him be, or better yet, train him more? Next time he wouldn't even touch the Kyuubi's Chakra, he'd beat Sasuke into the ground with his bare hands, then kick Orochimaru's ass around with a few hundred Rasengans where the sun don't shine!
He sighed, in no mood to even make himself some ramen for dinner. He slumped on his bed and just laid there, staring at the ceiling.
----
'This is bullshit!' mirrored the thoughts of a sixteen year old boy in a twenty-eight-year-old woman, said woman practically sulking as she slumped on her stool. The bar she found herself in tended to be rather loud and teeming with adrenaline junkies, her fellow shinobi, and more than enough handsome cock wielders to give her at least a dismal chance of snaring one. Of course, luck was never with her, ever, never ever! Only one Shinobi was here, and it was that cancer-stick smoking, little twat Asuma! The dance floor, normally streaming with rivers of exposed fleshed was empty for a reason the woman couldn't even begin to fathom, and the sake...
Well at least the sake was still there, and the only reason she hadn't snapped and killed some one by that point.
That was where the good news ended. Kurenai wasn't even in town! Off on a 'last minute' mission, or so they said as they shoveled that shitty excuse down her throat. She was so fucking wired to blow in sexual frustration it was becoming painful. Unfair! Unfair! Life was so fucking unfair! Not only was her one surefire sexual outlet gone, her only company was a man who quite openly detested her very existence throughout the years.
Anko simply felt like crying, and in a totally bizarre reaction to any who knew her, she did just that.
Asuma liked to think he was an observant man, one capable of empathic foresight and cunning intellect, and he supposed he was to a point, but even he couldn't figure out what was wrong with the Snake woman, and he was pretty sure he didn't even want to try. 'Damn shame...' he sighed, lamenting the absence of his usual drinking buddies. The recent events near the Sound border had caused an influx of A rank and S missions, sending most of the available Jounin out and leaving him alone with none other than the crazy, out of her fucking mind, Mitarashi Anko; the same bitch who had 'playfully' tried to kunai his one-eyed wonder off when she found out he had been sleeping with Kurenai.
No, he had never really forgiven the woman for that. Still, this crazy was the best friend of his girlfriend, admittedly they were currently off of their on again, off again relationship, but that didn't really bother Asuma in the slightest. It was, of course, only a matter of time until the crimson eyed Kunoichi craved man-meat again, which was something her bisexual lover - and yes, pretty much all the Jounin in their little group knew about both women's sexual appetites - could never hope to truly replace.
The sight of the crazy snake woman crying, however, spurred him into making the initial contact.
"Smoke?" he grumped, holding his pack out.
"Piss off, Asuma," Anko snapped angrily, despite the tears.
"Oh look, it's the cunt." Asuma frowned, glancing back. A man, civilian by appearance with a severely lacking musculature structure, with shaggy brown hair and black piggy-looking eyes stood sneering at the woman. 'Guy has some balls insulting Mitarashi like that.'
"Jiro," the woman in question sneered hatefully, her tears tapered off as she became reacquainted with a sensation she knew all to well. Hate, rage, it focused and momentarily and cleared away the hopelessness she was feeling at the moment. If there was one insult she wouldn't take, it was 'cunt'. "Didn't think you'd be in town, yer pigs must be getting lonely without you to cheer em up."
"Pfeh," the man snorted. "Says the skank who's crying. So, what's wrong now? Realized no one likes you yet?"
"Hey, HEY!" Anko snapped, waving a fist threateningly "You shut the fuck up, Jiro-teme, or Hokage help me I'll kick your ass!"
Rolling his beady piggy eyes, Jiro snorted. "Oh yeah, love to see that. A trained shinobi attacking little ole me, have you no decency?" He chuckled then, finding himself greatly amused, "Never mind, forgot you're that Snake bastards fuck toy."
Anko really didn't want to deal with this bastard. Bad enough she was having one of the worst days of her life, not the worst - nothing could compare to the day that bastard Orochimaru put that damn seal on her - but close enough. 'I just want to tear off his god damn head and shit down his...' she sighed, shaking off that thought. Her raging libido and the frustration from being unable to quell the fires was effecting her more than she cared to admit. 'I wonder if Asuma would mind...' she quickly buried, burned, and nuked that thought right out of her skull. 'Shit, shit, I'm getting sooo desperate.'
"Hey Sarutobi-san." the piggy bastard pointedly ignored the Snake woman, "Tell me, why do we allow this... woman..." he spat that word out with such disgust it made Anko preen "... stay here? Hell, why do we let that demon live while were on the topic of freaks?"
Asuma sighed, blowing out a large steady stream of smoke. 'What an ass.' Anko's reputation aside, Naruto wasn't anything like a demon. Too bright and cheerful for his own damn good, okay he'd give anyone that, but a demon? He snorted, "Uzumaki-san and Mitarashi-san are members of the Leaf, not to mention both were born within Konoha and are entitled to the same rights and privileges as any other citizen." He finished in a frosty, at least for the lazy Jounin that he was, glare at the other man.
Jiro snorted at that. "Think what you like. I know for a fact they are merely tolerated, and that's at best."
The woman in question was only paying cursory attention to the conversation, far more focused on her mental checklist of men who might be willing to screw her senseless, and men she'd actually be willing to let touch her. The list was not so surprisingly short, as in non-existent. She pouted.
Asuma rolled his eyes, taking a long drink from his sake bottle. 'Does this guy ever shut up?'
"Can you even imagine what kind of hell will be unleash if either of them breed?!" Jiro continued, completely ignorant of just what he was about to cause with his comments. "Worse, what would happen if they decided to breed with each other?! Demon Snakes, that's what!" he finished in a shout.
"PFFFFT!" Sarutobi spewed his Sake all over the bartender at that comment. "WHAT?!"
Anko on the other hand, heard the comment, and did something that would leave both men quivering in fear and praying for the world to end quickly, and as painlessly as possible if they knew exactly what she was doing.
She considered it.
'Uzumaki Naruto.' The woman blinked slowly as she digested the name once more. The mental image of the cute boy she had momentarily spied in the Hokage's Office appeared in her mind as she reevaluated him on the whole. When she had first met him, he had been quickly labeled, and dumped into her 'naive and stupid' pile, and quite frankly she never really thought about him again on a serious note past that point. Now, however, she mentally debated the pro's and con's in a desperate attempt to label him back into the na?ve and stupid pile, or the 'Certainly Fuckable' pile.
'Cons. He's young, probably a virgin, annoying, loud, and likely to put up a fight. His inexperience would make the entire ordeal long and frustrating,' the Snake Mistress considered thoughtfully. 'Pros. He has no real attachments, that Hyuuga and Haruno brat don't count for obvious reasons, didn't have any reason to hate her - fear her, yes, but not hate - his stamina was practically legendary in the shinobi circles, and if all goes well he'd be able to satisfy the storehouse of lust and sexual frustration she had built up over the last three years.'
She didn't debate very long at all.
"BINGO!" she screamed, standing up from her stool before slamming down the last of her sake. Asuma and Jiro just stared at her weirdly, but she ignored them in the end. 'Naruto, oh yeah, you annoying little bastard! When I find you I'm going to...'
Anko giggled.
Jiro fainted.
Asuma cried.
----
Naruto snored, trapped in the land of dreams where he was currently diving headlong into a mountain of ramen, with Orochimaru and Sasuke-teme bound with chains and hanging upside down from a nearby tree. Sakura was dancing in a nearby flower field and appeared as happy as can be; all in all, the perfect dream.
A small rock hitting his window was ruthlessly ignored the first time. The second time he twisted in his bed, but otherwise ignored the annoying sound. When an unopened cup of ramen hit the window with a dull rattle, the Kyuubi carrier snapped awake, cerulean orbs frantically scanning his dark room in a desperate search for what dared disturbed his dreams.
'Nothing?' he blinked. His door was locked, all the lights were off, and the heavy rain outside created a dull roar that in and of itself wouldn't have been able to wake him up, even if he was outside sleeping without a tent. 'Just what in the...'
A sudden bang against his window caught his attention. 'The way it sounded... like crushed dry noodles slamming against each other...' He had an epiphany, "RAMEN!" He jumped up on his knees and stared out the window. The dark figure that chose that very moment to crash through the window and roughly tackle him came as quite an unwelcome surprise.
----
If anyone had bothered to look up at Naruto's now broken window, they just might have wondered at the soft shouts and yells, quickly followed by bright flashes and screams, such as "RASENGAHHH", which was quickly followed by a soft explosion, which was then followed by "NE! NE! Stop biting... oh... geesh... poison?" All of which finished up with a rather loud thud, and a dark, near manic cackling from the victor of the battle.
That was if anyone bothered to look, which they didn't.
