Corrupto Ingrato 5/10/12 . chapter 1
Evangeline Athanasia Katherina McDowell is NOT a hundred years old. She is around seven hundred years old, give or take a hundred.
Evangeline Athanasia Katherina McDowell does NOT care about fitting in at school. She couldn't give less of a shit about her classmates and she could not care less about what they might think of her.
Evangeline Athanasia Katherina McDowell could wipe the floor with the entire Twilight universe.
Evangeline Athanasia Katherina McDowell would absolutely NOT fall for a random guy. She does not pay attention to anyone but exceptional people.
Evangeline was turned into a vampire at age ten. Therefore, she looks like, and will remain eternally as, a ten years old girl with hair reaching her ankles and the most slutty fashion sense that society would accept if she looked twice her age. Therefore, even if your vampire original character was standing in direct sunlight and sparkling like a retard, Evangeline would still attract stares more than he would.
However, since this is not Evangeline Athanasia Katherina McDowell, also known as The Dark Evangel and a plethora of other titles, and instead your own stand in for Bella, I say that you should change this little fic from a Twilight/Negima crossover and just pass it as a self insert fic.
Even then, your writing style is at all pleasing to the eye. As a matter of fact, you would greatly improve if you learned about what Purple Prose is and how it can ruin otherwise good stories.
Know that I hate you more than you could possibly imagine for your treatment of one of my favorite characters, and am merely posting this review because I felt like giving an extended speech before finally coming out and saying what I truly want to say. After all, if I didn't tell you why I want to say it, it would just be flaming instead of a critique.
Therefore, after pointing out the mistakes you commited, I'd like to say that your story is quite terrible.