Harry Potter Harry, heir to the Monarch

[Innortal]

Vernon's unknown brother appears, preparing to name a successor in case something happens.

Sadly, after seeing his nephew, he decides Dudley just doesn't add up.

1332112132132312132133211231232131231321232313123123312123132123132

Monarch blinked. "You expect me ... if anything happened to me and my new wife ... to leave my evil empire ... to my nephew."

"Yes," said Vernon with a smile.

"Are you fucking nuts?" asked the Monarch. "I mean look at him ... he couldn't even make it as a low-level henchmen!"

2213132132132132123123312312132123213132123312123123123213213123213

So the Monarch choses Harry as his heir, and all the responsibility that goes with it.

1212312321321313213212312312312312312312313213221321313213213213223

"What about henchmen?" asked Harry.

Monarch looked around. "Well, not many bright ones here, always good in choosing cannon fodder. And that redhead beside you, yeah, he won't last long, I think even #24 could take him out."

"HEY!"

"Well, I suppose you could try and form an army from them."

21331212312312321312312312332121231213213213213123231213213123123

Monarch sighed. "I wanted to send him to Venture for magical training. I mean, sure that nut living with them is ...iffy, but he still would have learned and maybe Samson would have taught him to kick ass."

"These guys," he said, pointing at the assembled wizards "... I mean, look at them, they're all wearing dresses!"

"Why you," growled out Snape, before he dropped to the floor.

"Whoops, dart in your neck," smirked Monarch.

1231231232121321132231213132321321321321312312312312231231213213123

I just like the idea of Dr. Girlfriend at Hogwarts explaining to Harry why Malfoy doesn't make a good arch enemy.

Any thoughts?

 

[sith2886]

crack-tastic, MOAR!

 

[zenaku]

Please sir. May we have some moar?

 

[SotF]

Does anyone else get the image of Bellatrix being the #1 fangirl of Brock Sampson in this type of setup. And considering everything else, the Monarch would willing go for help if he needed it (Brock would probably aid in attacking the Death Eaters if for no other reason than to have more people to kill, cripple, or maim.

 

[Oni_kawaii]

The Guild of Calamitous Intent Wishes to have a word with Tom Riddle about his many Violations of guild law.


Failure to Fill proper application and registration forms for "lord Voledemot" Persona.

Unauthorized Arching of One Harry James Potter.

Use of non guild accredited henchmen.

Disregard For Guild Regulations on use of Force according to the severity of their situation.

Disregard for Guild Ban on attacking Law Enforcement Personel.

Disregard for Guild Ban on rape and sexual assault.

Violation of "Rustys law"
"Rusty's Law" states that a Guild member must allow a hero and their children to leave their custody in the event that the hero's child becomes injured during the hostage situation to receive medical treatment.

Violation of guild Ban on Attacking heroes on holidays.

 

[SotF]

Actually, the guild just wouldn't help Voldie. He does not get the benefits of membership while still being a valid target for members if they want to. Hell, King Gorilla just lost membership rather than being sanctioned in anyway.

 

[Oni_kawaii]

Actually, the guild just wouldn't help Voldie. He does not get the benefits of membership while still being a valid target for members if they want to. Hell, King Gorilla just lost membership rather than being sanctioned in anyway.

True.

So to Gain active involvement from the Guild we have this.

Assault on Guild Personel.

I can so see the Deatheaters attacking some Guild function thinking they're killing muggles at a costume party.

David Bowie was Less than Pleased to be on the Wrong end of a Cruciatus Curse.


Snape meets the Murderous Moppets. :yay:

 

[warai_kitsune]

This. Has. To be. Written.

There is SO much potential win in this. I want to see the looks on the Auror's faces when 7-10 applications of the Stunning Charm only serves to piss off a charging, berserk Brock even worse. I want to hear Dr. Orpheus's opinions on the pansy-ass 'unforgiveable' curses (probably with some sort of overly-dramatic comparison to hexes and curses he knows that involve partial transformation into maggots that then eat you for eternity). I want to see the look on Harry's face when he finds out that Dr. O can (and regularly does) resurrect people, just because I can easily imagine the good Dr agreeing to do so if Harry properly goes about his studies.

Seriously, SOMEONE has to write this.

 

[cgobyd]

This. Has. To be. Written.

There is SO much potential win in this. I want to see the looks on the Auror's faces when 7-10 applications of the Stunning Charm only serves to piss off a charging, berserk Brock even worse. I want to hear Dr. Orpheus's opinions on the pansy-ass 'unforgiveable' curses (probably with some sort of overly-dramatic comparison to hexes and curses he knows that involve partial transformation into maggots that then eat you for eternity). I want to see the look on Harry's face when he finds out that Dr. O can (and regularly does) resurrect people, just because I can easily imagine the good Dr agreeing to do so if Harry properly goes about his studies.

Seriously, SOMEONE has to write this.

Seconded.

 

[warrior3]

god i whish i could write

 

[Innortal]

Don't forget the Death Eaters seeing the resurrected Venture Brothers, thinking that they too have survived the Killing Curse, the cutting curse, etc...

 

[MilesMortim]

"When your kids are accident-prone you put a helmet on their heads; when your kids are death-prone you get a tank full of clones."

||
||
\/

I can see Snape getting an aneurysm because he keeps arranging the deaths of the Venture brothers and for "some" reason they keep coming back. :snigger:

 

[A Curious Stranger]

Albus Dumbledore was not having a good day. He had planned to finish some paperwork here at his office before speaking to young Harry Potter about extra lessons over the summer to teach the boy how to defend himself, and now he had to deal with this odd nut who had managed to apparate directly to his office somehow.

The man in front of him was tall and graying, and was clad in a flamboyant red cape that billowed even with the absence of wind. The man set his hand on Harry's right shoulder before speaking to him.

"And what do you plan to teach my apprentice professor?"

The distaste in his voice could not have been any clearer.

"I've just told you Mr-"

"DOCTOR! Doctor my man. I did not suffer through the hellish training my good master put me through for eight years to be called Mister. I am Doctor BYRON ORPHEUS! ... A pleasure to meet you."

Dumbledore coughed here trying to gather his thoughts after the man spoke. "Yes well, what I was saying was that I planned on teaching young Mr. Potter here some useful countercurses and jinxes. No doubt he will face many dangerous spells with Lord Voldemort having returned."

"Ah yes. I've heard of this Lord Voldemort. It shames me to think that such a feeble resurrection was done while Necromancers such as myself could have done a far better job. Bone of the father and blood of the enemy? So crude."

Dumbledore wisely decided to lead the conversation back to it's starting point feeling it best not to argue with the loon in front of him about the laws of magic. "As I was saying, Harry will face dangers unlike any he has seen before. Voldemort's followers will not hesitate to use even the Unforgivables on him."

"Unforgivables? UNFORGIVABLES!? What is the Imperious curse to the utter control of Mentok the Mind Taker? MENTOK I ask you! What is the Cruciatous curse to the sheer insanity smote on one who gazes into the cursed visages of the Old Ones? AND just WHAT is the Killing Curse compared to what happens when Abaddon and his followers grasp your very SOUL and tears it to shreds like a child given a newly wrapped gift!"

"Well, it-"

"IT! IS! NOTHING! Come Harry. It is clear that you have nothing to learn in this sorry excuse of a keep. Come! And let us retire to my abode where I'm sure Triana has made lunch for us."

At this point Dr. Orpheus suddenly grasped his head as his eyes began to glow an unearthly green.

"Hmm. Yes, yes, I see. HARRY! It appears my daughter has not made lunch at all! Indeed she has apparently made waffles. WAFFLES! Oh to think that I've failed in teaching Triana even basic nutritional values."

Harry Potter, long used to such dramatics from his self-professed teacher of the Mystic Arts, just sighed before trying to calm the necromancer down.

"Don't worry sir. Triana is a teenager just like I am. She's probably going through a rebellious phase. That's all."

"Yes. Of COURSE! Just like those silly children you see in comics and TV. Much thanks to you. And now, let us be OFF! Perhaps we can go see the Ventures and mooch off of them for a proper lunch. I understand that they have some spring rolls left over from last night."

With that said, the man grabbed Harry closer to his side before sweeping his long cape over them both and began to speak in a language long lost. After a second, the two vanished in a burst of Technicolor light.

"...Fawkes old friend, I do believe this warrants two, perhaps three lemon drops."

 

[Cypher3au]

I lol'ed. It seems to be your 666th post, too. How ironic.

 

[A Curious Stranger]

Hm? Woah so it was.

 

[Innortal]

LOL, aside from some characters from Harvy Birdman, it was just perfect.

 

[Wonderbee31]

Please write MOAR? This has so much potential for fabulousness that I can't even imagine how fabulous it could be. Considering the Venture Bros. rock, this has all the elements of WIN.

 

[Vassago]

...This would so explain why Vernon is so set on being as normal as he can be.

He's trying to get away from his family and the absolute freakishness that surrounds his life whenever he sees them (and I'm talking a glance from half a mile away that causes a week of weird things to happen) much less interacts with them. Vernon trying to get Monarch to give Dudley the evil empire would only be a way to avoid being involved in such a freak-filled lifestyle. It would only help that Dudley took to the idea of having an evil empire like a fish to water (even if he would absolutely suck at leading one).

He was so panicked when his brother Malcolm Dursley (The Monarch's real name is Malcolm) showed up at the door that he promptly forgot about his nephew -- when his brother said his son basically wasn't good enough for an evil empire he almost had a heart attack. After all, he certainly didn't want to deal with the freakish people his brother had to (especially that Venture family and those freaky Orpheus people). Then he remembered the boy. Certainly he was freaky enough to qualify for an evil empire? After all, weren't all freaks evil? That settled it for him. So he called up the boy, gave him to his brother, pushed them both out the door while saying they should get to know each other, and promptly slammed the door shut before they could do anything and then he tried to forget about them all.

Hopefully he wouldn't see his family for a long while.

 

[zeebee1]

This almost makes me want to read whatever series you're talking about.

 

[Rift120]

This almost makes me want to read whatever series you're talking about.

ITs actually a cartoon Zeebee...

Adult swim Parody on Johnny QUest (Old school) genre...

 

[A Curious Stranger]

Hary Potter wasnÆt sure what a villainÆs lair was supposed to be like, but he was pretty sure the MonarchÆs lair wasnÆt it. HeÆd been expecting death rays crammed into every wall with grim faced thugs at every corner. A giant flying cocoon with a purple interior and a bunch of costumed henchmen playing pool did not fit into his original beliefs.

He wandered into the control center to see his new æmentorÆ Monarch (THE Monarch thank you very much) scribbling frantically with one hand on a desk while his other hand typed furiously on one of the many computer stations in the room. Behind him was the newly christened Dr. Wife calmly smoking a cigarette. Curious to see just what the Monarch was up to Harry began to move closer. Just as he reached the two the Monarch slammed his pen onto the table in triumph and screamed ôDONE!ö in his shrill voice.

ôUgh, finally IÆm done with this yearly report for the guild. God what a pain in the ass. ItÆs even worse this year since the paperwork basically doubles with a villain pair. Number 24 front and center!ö

A tall and gangly man clad in the butterfly costume his peers wore approached the Monarch asking, ôYeah boss?ö

ôTake these forms down to the post office will you?ö

ôCan I take your car boss?ö

ôWhat!? Fuck that you have your own car. Take that one.ö

öWell, can I at least get gas money? Prices are soaring right now and I donÆt get paid for another week you know that.ö

ôPhbbt. Fine,ö said the Monarch as he grabbed his wallet from one of his many pouched that adorned his utility belt. He grabbed a few crumpled bills and shoved it into his henchmanÆsÆ hands before saying ôAnd pick up a few 2 liters of Coke for me. IÆm running out over here. And NOT Diet. Now get outta here,ö ordered the Monarch as he made shushing motions with his hands.

As 24 left, Dr. Wife stubbed out her current cigarette and lit up another one while asking in her gravelly voice ôI still donÆt get why we didnÆt just file through the internet. The guild made all the forms really streamlined now. Truckules got his forms done in just an hour.ö

ôWhat? Truckules? That guy only has like 5 henchmen. And he doesnÆt even have a proper lair. WhatÆs he got a junk yard? Besides, screw the internet. Knowing my crappy luck some jerk-off calling himself æThe WebberÆ or æThe InternapperÆ would replace my files and replace them with porn. I really donÆt want to see the Council again. Especially not if I have to see them about porn.ö

The Monarch turned around and visibly brightened as he saw Harry standing behind him.

ôAh Harry, come here and take a seat right next to Poppa. I wanted to talk to you anyway. I was just wondering about your future plans. Do you have a name yet? What about a theme?ö

ôTo be honest, I never got past kill Voldemort and save the Wizarding world.ö

ôOh. Start off as a hero huh? ThatÆs a good way to kick off your villany. It makes your descent into madness even more dramatic and awesome that it would be usually. So why do you want to kill this guy again anyway?ö

ôHe killed my parents and is threatening the-ô

ôOy vey. What you think youÆre fucking Batman or something? Look normal life tends to be screwed up anyway. Even if you turn out to be a hero, the public always looks to you to bail them out. ItÆs way easier to be a villain. You even get great dental coverage from the guild.ö

ôThatÆs not the point!ö yelled Harry. ôWhat IÆm trying to say is-ö

ôBlah blah blah. Alright come on. Obviously we canÆt discuss names right now. How about a theme? You got any special abilities or anything?ö

ôBesides magic?ö asked Harry sarcastically. ôI guess I can talk to snakes.ö

ôNah, a snake theme is way, way, way too common. You need something new. Something cool. IÆm not going to let my heir cavort around like some idiot villain straight out of college. And IÆm not too familiar with magic. The guys I hang around with are either mutants or super scientists.ö

At this point the Monarch began to rub his beard, ôActually I know one magician. Kind of a weirdo though.ö

ôThis coming from the man in a butterfly suit who spends his time trying to kill a failure of a scientist.ö

Being kidnapped by a supervillain and having seen the weird things that were now part of his daily life quickly gifted Harry with a mastery of sarcasm as self defense.

The Monarch waved off HarryÆs comment before saying ôWell itÆs obvious that we canÆt do much else right now. Go do whatever it is teenagers do now for a few hours until dinner. Smoke pot, sell drugs, play games. Whatever. IÆll see you in the dining room young man.ö

With a shrug Harry began to aimlessly wander the halls until he was approached by Henchman 21.

ôHey Harry! You have anything to do right now? If not you want to come play Dungeons and Dragons with me? I have a few guys at my room setting up right now.ö

ôYeah sure. I donÆt have anything else to do anyway.ö

öGreat! IÆm really excited. IÆve never played this with an actual wizard before. Come on. ItÆs easy.ö
---

That's all I got. To be honest I can't write stories beyond little scenes. I have no sense of progression when I write my stories. If Innortal wants to work this into his story thats fine with me.

 

[Innortal]

That actually sounds about right, but this would be set a bit before Hogwarts ever started.

 

[Vassago]

Around 5 to 9 years of age then? Not too far from Hogwarts, but not too close to it, either.

 

[Innortal]

Right, long enough to get some training, maybe place Hogwarts right after the marriage.

 

[TerraBull]

Playing Dungeons and Dragons? What Edition? Learn how to set up some devious Death Traps in Life by Imitation of Fantasy?

4th ed sound... :angry: to be honest...

On a diffrent subject, I am curious what Gary would think or do..

Gary G. meeting and mentoring a young Harry?