Sorry if this isnt that good. I watch the Venture Bros and read HP fanfiction. When I first saw this, I knew it was going to be fun. Therefore, I present a scene I can see happening. I apologize in advance since if it lacks humor since I am only used to writing scientific papers. Constructive criticism is appreciated. So without further ado I present Special Promotion.
Ronald Weasley isnÆt what you would call a smart man, he is more of a sidekick or lackey or what he currently is, a henchman. Normally a man with his intelligence would be comfortable in his position. If not for the fact that he has 5 older brothers, he would be comfortable staying in his position but, the need to prove himself better than his brothers has led to certain ambition. This would not be a problem for a moderately skilled and bright man. Sadly, he lacks both.
Ron was having a good day. He had enough food in him to last a few hours and feed an entire family. He finished his potions essay in under 10 minutes, a new personal best. And he knew he was going to get what was rightfully his. As he rounded the corner, he saw his target walking side-by-side with someone, in what he thinks, his spot. He quickly caught up to the duo and mentally reviewed what was going to happen before being distracted by thoughts of food.
ôOy, Harry,ö the glare leveled by said æHarryÆ was enough to make him rethink his words. ôI mean greetings (insert villain name here) and Gr... Madam (insert name here)ö Ron quickly amended.
ôAh, number àö Harry spoke.
ôNumber 6ö Madam XX (used as place holders) quickly supplied.
ôYes, Number 6, Rob Wesley, brother of Ginny Wesley, cousin or something of the twin inventors,ö continued Harry as if he knew all along. ôWell what can I do for you Number 6?ö
ôItÆs Ron Weasley,ö muttered Number 6.
ôWhat was that Number 6?ö Harry asked with an arch in his brow.
ôNothing,ö Number 6 hastily replied. ôI was just wondering if I could ask you a question.ö The stare in his leaders face told him to quickly ask or leave immediately. ôWell I was just curious as to why Madam XX is your Number 2 and not me, especially since IÆve known you longer?ö he finally asked. He was correct in saying he knew Harry longer, but only by 3 minutes before Madam XX came into the picture but to him, it was more than enough.
An amused smile broke into HarryÆs face as he remembered his Monarch's words: æHarry, sometimes you have to pretend to care about your pawns. Just smile, pretend to listen and think about their words, and make up some bullshit to make them believe they are important.Æ He then turned to his slightly angry Number 2 and gave a brief nod and wink. ôMadam XX, please continue what we had discussed earlier and begin preparations.ö With that out of the way, he rounded to Ron. ôCome Number 6, letÆs take a walk and talk.ö
They walked in silence for a few minutes before Ron decided to break the ice. ôSo umm, why wasnÆt I chosen to be your No. 2?ö
ôYes yes, the heart of the matter. Very direct of you No. 6,ö complimented Harry. ôTell me, have you taken the Guild administered No. 2 test and filled out the proper paperwork?ö
Blushing in embarrassment, Ron answers, ôNo, but I was going to as soon as you made me your No. 2 but since you didnÆt, I havenÆt done either of them.ö
ôHave you read Standard Villainy and Henching?ö questioned Harry. Rubbing the back of his neck, Ron replied that he had read most of it. ôSo tell me No. 6, what does it say about being a villainÆs No. 2?ö
ôHe he, I guess I havenÆt gotten to that part yet.ö
ôThis is unfreaking believable. He hasnÆt filled out any forms or taken any test, heck, he hasnÆt even read the book. How can he not know about a villainÆs No. 2, itÆs the third chapter in that book,ö he thought. ôWell Rob, it basically states that a No. 2 is supposed to take care of the day to day running of our organization, and that there can only be one No. 2 unless under specific circumstances. So while I would like to give you the job, itÆs out of my hands.ö
ôHow about you demote or fire Madam XX?ö Ron asked trying to achieve his dream by whatever means possible, not even trying to bother in correcting his name.
ôUnfortunately, the Guild stipulates that without proper justification, one cannot simply demote or fire their No. 2. Besides, Madam XX is mostly there to please the higher ups and make me look more appealing.ö Seeing the dumbfounded expression on one of his first lackeys, he decided to elaborate. ôTell me Rob, who is DumbledoreÆs No. 2?ö
ôMinerva McGonagall.ö
ôWhoÆs VoldemortÆs?ö
ôSirius Blackö
ôNo, think harder.ö
ôUmm, Bellatrix Lestrange?ö he answered in uncertainty.
ôRight, and Dr. Wife is the MonarchÆs No. 2. Now what do all these people have in common?ö the leader asked.
ôThey are all womenö he answered with conviction. Then it dawned upon him, why he lost the No. 2 position. His leader was following the trend.
ôCorrect. By having women as our No. 2s, we donÆt get hassled with lawsuits for equal employment opportunities. ItÆs a loophole most people with power use so they wonÆt have to deal with more paperwork as to why there arenÆt women working for them. Also, think about it. With a woman in such a position, it looks more appealing to other women, and pretty soon, we have more female recruits. Everyone wins.ö
ôWow, I had never thought of it that way. It makes sense.ö No. 6 said with adoration. ôSince I canÆt be your No. 2, can I at least get promoted to No. 3, even No. 4 would be just as good.ö
ôAlas, IÆm afraid I cannot do that either. For you see. Dean and Seamus have the positions 4 and 5, and like women, they are being used to fill the quota on minorities. And before you ask, No. 3 is a spy who I cannot tell you his/her identity so that they can interact and gather information and resources more productively.ö
The look of dejection appeared on RonÆs face. In less than 20 minutes, his great day had gone sour. No matter where he went or what he did, he will always be No. 6, both in his family and jobs.
ôBut,ö the leader began. RonÆs ears perked up to hear where his leader was starting with. ôThere is a loophole.ö
RonÆs eyes filled with hope.
ôI can not obviously let someone else try and take such a valuable underling that has the talent and ambition such as you. So, how would you like to be my secret No. 2? It requires no paperwork or tests.ö At the furious nod he was receiving, he continued. ôSince you cannot officially have name yet, and I figured you want to use your good name if you ever get promoted to No. 2, I cannot call you nor have any forms mentioning you ideal name nor the position you are currently getting promoted to. If word gets out, you can never become a No. 2 man and IÆll be fined. From this day forth, you shall be known as No. 222 aka Ginger. So what do you say my æspecialÆ No. 2?ö
He looked up to his leader with pure devotion, vowing to become the best secret No. 2 there ever was. Granted he did not like the lower number but he knew it was better than being regular No. 2 since he did not have to file any paperwork or have tests. Not trusting his own voice, he gave a firm nod to accept the position.
ôVery well, you best be on your way to do whatever it is you do as a secret No. 2. And remember Ginger, tell no one, this is our little secret.ö
A nod and salute later, Ron was on his way down the hall saying ôGingerö over and over to test his new name. He rather liked it, and decided to introduce himself from now on as Ginger. He knew getting up today was going to be a great day after all. especially now that he got his promotion. All the talking made him hungry so in usual Ron fashion, he headed to the Great Hall.
Watching his subordinate walk down the hall, Harry was deep in thought. ôHoly crap, I canÆt believe that worked. I didnÆt think he was this dumb but I guess I was wrong. I should really start setting higher standards for my henchmen. Maybe the MonarchÆs advice isnÆt all wrong. Still, his wings and eyebrows still look stupid.ö
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Harry found himself next to Madam XX recounting the meeting with Rob. ôBe sure to fill out form 222 for the special promotion. We should also look into setting higher standards or training up our henchmen. Merlin forbid we will have to go through this again.ö
ôYes sir. So tell me, did you really mean what you said about filling quotas and such with me?ö asked a slightly agitated Madam XX.
ôCome on baby, you know it isnÆt like that. I just said that to him so he wouldnÆt bug me or you as much anymore. You know youÆre special to me. Now how about a hug?ö he asked with arms wide open.
The placated Madam XX entered his embrace with a slight smile. Leaning up towards his ear she whispered in a sickly sweet voice, ôGood, because if you really meant what you told No. 6, he really would have become your No. 2.ö
Acknowledging the threat with a gulp and a nod of the head, he thought, ôI have to remember to thank the Monarch for teaching me how to deal with henchmen and vicious women. Maybe I should ask him for more advice.ö
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Throughout the rest of the week, the student population all knew the name of Ginger. Harry became know as the man that is a real equal opportunity employer, because who else would employ the mentally disabled. Surprisingly that made him all the more desirable as an employer.
So what are your thoughts. I really couldnt come up with a villain name for Harry or Gr, I mean Madam XX so feel free to fill in the blanks and change the names. As for Madam XX, Gr could be Granger or Greengrass or change it all together.
