Harry Potter Harry Potter Omake Competition
- Thread starter Prince Charon
- Start date
"Um, I don't think that will fit."
Ron blinked as he stopped his walk through the corridor. Was that Hermione's voice coming out of that classroom? Eager to say hello, he took a few steps only to freeze at Harry's voice next.
"Sure it will! See, you just have to lubricate-"
"Yes, yes, I know, but I've barely done that!"
Ron blinked, and pressed his ear to the door. What the bloody hell are they...?
Some grunting was heard. Finally, a triumphant Harry spoke.
"See?"
"Oooh... Yes, I see," Hermione practically purred. Ron's face flushed bright red.
There's no way... No bloody way...! They wouldn't!
More grunting, and Ron's fists clenched. He felt sick. His best friends in the world, doing... That? Right in an empty classroom? Where anyone could come up and-?
"Ron? What're you-?" Neville's voice sounded obscenely loud in the still hallway, and Ron quickly slapped a hand over his mouth and pulled away from the door, the shorter round-faced boy struggling to get free.
"Mmmph! Mmph! MMPH!"
"Did you hear something?" Ron heard Harry ask. Hermione hummed.
"No, nothing... Shall we continue?"
"Definitely."
"Always did enjoy this didn't you?" Hermione teased. Ron let Neville go and turned him around, looking him right in the eyes. Neville's own were fantastically wide.
"Ron, what was-?"
"Shh! You want them to know we're listening in on them?" Ron hissed. Neville frowned.
"But, er, they've been up to it all week and-"
Bloody hell. If Neville knew about this... Proud as he was to consider Neville his friend, Ron knew he couldn't keep a secret to save his life.
"What? How many other people know about what they're doing?!" Ron demanded. Neville flushed.
"Ah, er... Luna was in there to help them out a bit before..."
Luna? Ron's face blushed even harder. Harry, you lucky bastard! I can't believe that-!
"I was in there too, just heading in... Parvati, Ginny, Seamus, Dean," Neville recited. Ron's face paled.
"Fred, George, Alicia, Angelina a few times," Neville went on. Ron covered his ears.
"Stop, stop! No more!"
"Ron?" The Weasley looked up and turned his head, Neville mirroring his movements. Hermione and Harry stood there, looking flushed, with their hair and robes mussed. Ron gawked, as though seeing his best friends for the first time.
"Damnit Neville, Ron's not supposed to be here yet!" Hermione hissed. Neville hung his head.
"I know," he sighed. "Sorry, I found him listening outside and-"
"Bloody hell, what are you two-I mean-Right in a classroom?! With Luna, Ginny-How many people have you had here?!" Ron demanded, suddenly angry, embarrassed and actually feeling a little left out. He quickly ordered his libido to shut it-This was no time to be fantasizing.
Harry and Hermione looked honestly confused.
"Well Ron, it's... It's supposed to be a surprise," Harry began. "You know, for your birthday?"
"Surprise?! What kind of surprise?!" Ron demanded.
"Well, it can't exactly be a surprise if we tell you, can it?" Hermione huffed. She pushed Ron away and made him march down the hall.
"But-But-!" Ron began. Hermione rolled her eyes.
"Look, just be here tomorrow, then you can have your surprise, okay? I promise. Now just go, you big lug!"
"And don't worry about anything. We've got it all taken care of!" Harry pitched in with a grin that, in Ron's mind seemed slightly lecherous.
He headed back to the tower, mumbling to himself about sexual deviancy.
Hermione turned back to Neville and Harry, sighing.
"Great... Well, no helping it. Guess we have to get it finished by then," Hermione mumbled. Harry blushed hard, as Neville nodded.
"Yeah... Do you two need any help?" Neville asked. Hermione flushed a bit and shook her head.
"No, nothing. Thanks Neville!"
"No problem," Neville replied happily, heading off back towards Gryffindor tower. Harry smiled at Hermione, and Hermione returned it with a wicked smirk. She walked past him back into the classroom, swinging her hips a bit more than usual, while Harry followed with his eyes firmly locked on her posterior.
A finished broomstick, custom built with the latest charms and enhancements, sat finished on one desk. Hermione sat on another and spread her robes.
"So... Where were we?" Hermione purred. Harry just grinned. Ron may have been getting a brand new broomstick tomorrow, but for Harry? It was already his birthday.
(Takes place in fifth year-Thanks NDF)
Ron blinked as he stopped his walk through the corridor. Was that Hermione's voice coming out of that classroom? Eager to say hello, he took a few steps only to freeze at Harry's voice next.
"Sure it will! See, you just have to lubricate-"
"Yes, yes, I know, but I've barely done that!"
Ron blinked, and pressed his ear to the door. What the bloody hell are they...?
Some grunting was heard. Finally, a triumphant Harry spoke.
"See?"
"Oooh... Yes, I see," Hermione practically purred. Ron's face flushed bright red.
There's no way... No bloody way...! They wouldn't!
More grunting, and Ron's fists clenched. He felt sick. His best friends in the world, doing... That? Right in an empty classroom? Where anyone could come up and-?
"Ron? What're you-?" Neville's voice sounded obscenely loud in the still hallway, and Ron quickly slapped a hand over his mouth and pulled away from the door, the shorter round-faced boy struggling to get free.
"Mmmph! Mmph! MMPH!"
"Did you hear something?" Ron heard Harry ask. Hermione hummed.
"No, nothing... Shall we continue?"
"Definitely."
"Always did enjoy this didn't you?" Hermione teased. Ron let Neville go and turned him around, looking him right in the eyes. Neville's own were fantastically wide.
"Ron, what was-?"
"Shh! You want them to know we're listening in on them?" Ron hissed. Neville frowned.
"But, er, they've been up to it all week and-"
Bloody hell. If Neville knew about this... Proud as he was to consider Neville his friend, Ron knew he couldn't keep a secret to save his life.
"What? How many other people know about what they're doing?!" Ron demanded. Neville flushed.
"Ah, er... Luna was in there to help them out a bit before..."
Luna? Ron's face blushed even harder. Harry, you lucky bastard! I can't believe that-!
"I was in there too, just heading in... Parvati, Ginny, Seamus, Dean," Neville recited. Ron's face paled.
"Fred, George, Alicia, Angelina a few times," Neville went on. Ron covered his ears.
"Stop, stop! No more!"
"Ron?" The Weasley looked up and turned his head, Neville mirroring his movements. Hermione and Harry stood there, looking flushed, with their hair and robes mussed. Ron gawked, as though seeing his best friends for the first time.
"Damnit Neville, Ron's not supposed to be here yet!" Hermione hissed. Neville hung his head.
"I know," he sighed. "Sorry, I found him listening outside and-"
"Bloody hell, what are you two-I mean-Right in a classroom?! With Luna, Ginny-How many people have you had here?!" Ron demanded, suddenly angry, embarrassed and actually feeling a little left out. He quickly ordered his libido to shut it-This was no time to be fantasizing.
Harry and Hermione looked honestly confused.
"Well Ron, it's... It's supposed to be a surprise," Harry began. "You know, for your birthday?"
"Surprise?! What kind of surprise?!" Ron demanded.
"Well, it can't exactly be a surprise if we tell you, can it?" Hermione huffed. She pushed Ron away and made him march down the hall.
"But-But-!" Ron began. Hermione rolled her eyes.
"Look, just be here tomorrow, then you can have your surprise, okay? I promise. Now just go, you big lug!"
"And don't worry about anything. We've got it all taken care of!" Harry pitched in with a grin that, in Ron's mind seemed slightly lecherous.
He headed back to the tower, mumbling to himself about sexual deviancy.
Hermione turned back to Neville and Harry, sighing.
"Great... Well, no helping it. Guess we have to get it finished by then," Hermione mumbled. Harry blushed hard, as Neville nodded.
"Yeah... Do you two need any help?" Neville asked. Hermione flushed a bit and shook her head.
"No, nothing. Thanks Neville!"
"No problem," Neville replied happily, heading off back towards Gryffindor tower. Harry smiled at Hermione, and Hermione returned it with a wicked smirk. She walked past him back into the classroom, swinging her hips a bit more than usual, while Harry followed with his eyes firmly locked on her posterior.
A finished broomstick, custom built with the latest charms and enhancements, sat finished on one desk. Hermione sat on another and spread her robes.
"So... Where were we?" Hermione purred. Harry just grinned. Ron may have been getting a brand new broomstick tomorrow, but for Harry? It was already his birthday.
(Takes place in fifth year-Thanks NDF)
"Um, I don't think that will fit."
Hermoine blinked, pausing in her descent down the stairs towards the Common Room. What was that?
"Move, Hermoine," grumbled a few girls behind her.
"Damn it Ron, not so hard!" yelled Harry from the Common Room. "That hurts, you know."
"Sorry mate, got a little excited."
"Well stop being such a prat, I'm doing this for you after all."
The girls all stared at the corner, mouthes open, at what they just heard.
"Damn it Harry, help me here. I'm trying to wiggle it in."
A few more grunts were heard, before Harry cursed out loud. "Damn it, Ron. It won't fit. We need to stop, maybe try a shrinking charm."
"No way, you know what that'll do to it?"
A few girls were now developing a keen interest in a certain Weasley. "Mom was right," said one Third Year. "The good ones are taken or gay."
"Listen, you push towards me, Harry, and I'll push towards you, and we should be able to get it in."
Hermione braced herself against the wall. She knew some of the girls had been gossiping about which boy she would date first--being a trio and all. But she didn't expect ... this!
"It's in!" yelled Ron, as Harry made a loud gasp.
"I think it broke my back!"
The girls rushed forward, wanting to either catch the yaoi sight they believed was occuring, or in Hermione's case, discover why she hadn't been informed.
But nothing prepared her for what she saw. "Ronald Weasley! You are not keeping that troll's club!"
Ron looked up from the floor, where Harry was lying, both next to the club of the troll that had tried to kill them in the girls' bathroom. "But it would be so cool!"
Hermoine blinked, pausing in her descent down the stairs towards the Common Room. What was that?
"Move, Hermoine," grumbled a few girls behind her.
"Damn it Ron, not so hard!" yelled Harry from the Common Room. "That hurts, you know."
"Sorry mate, got a little excited."
"Well stop being such a prat, I'm doing this for you after all."
The girls all stared at the corner, mouthes open, at what they just heard.
"Damn it Harry, help me here. I'm trying to wiggle it in."
A few more grunts were heard, before Harry cursed out loud. "Damn it, Ron. It won't fit. We need to stop, maybe try a shrinking charm."
"No way, you know what that'll do to it?"
A few girls were now developing a keen interest in a certain Weasley. "Mom was right," said one Third Year. "The good ones are taken or gay."
"Listen, you push towards me, Harry, and I'll push towards you, and we should be able to get it in."
Hermione braced herself against the wall. She knew some of the girls had been gossiping about which boy she would date first--being a trio and all. But she didn't expect ... this!
"It's in!" yelled Ron, as Harry made a loud gasp.
"I think it broke my back!"
The girls rushed forward, wanting to either catch the yaoi sight they believed was occuring, or in Hermione's case, discover why she hadn't been informed.
But nothing prepared her for what she saw. "Ronald Weasley! You are not keeping that troll's club!"
Ron looked up from the floor, where Harry was lying, both next to the club of the troll that had tried to kill them in the girls' bathroom. "But it would be so cool!"
Indeed, it would be cool. :lol:
Can't let myself be upstaged though, even if it is by Innortal. Engarde!
"Um, I don't think that will fit."
Hermione snorted and pushed harder. "Yes it will!"
Harry rolled his eyes. "No, it won't. It's too much."
"Is not," Hermione replied childishly. Harry sighed as he looked around.
"People are staring."
"Let them stare! I will not -mmph- be denied!" Hermione ground out.
Ron blushed a bit at the stares. "Ah, lovely weather isn't it?" He could not believe his friends sometimes...
"Hermione, we can always come back," Harry tried reasonably.
"No! What if someone else gets it? I can't let that happen! No! It's going in right now, Harry James Potter, and that's that!"
"Ouch, she used your full name," Ron winced. "Guess you'd better get to it then, Harry?"
"Bugger off Ron. She's your friend too."
"She's your girlfriend."
"No she's not! She's just my friend, who happens to be a girl-"
"Whom you will never snog again unless you shut up and help me," Hermione groaned. Harry sighed.
Every time we go to the bookstore...
"Just because the label says it has 'infinite space' doesn't mean it actually does!"
"Oh sod off! I'm not waiting another month for this edition of Hogwarts, a History, so there!"
Can't let myself be upstaged though, even if it is by Innortal. Engarde!
"Um, I don't think that will fit."
Hermione snorted and pushed harder. "Yes it will!"
Harry rolled his eyes. "No, it won't. It's too much."
"Is not," Hermione replied childishly. Harry sighed as he looked around.
"People are staring."
"Let them stare! I will not -mmph- be denied!" Hermione ground out.
Ron blushed a bit at the stares. "Ah, lovely weather isn't it?" He could not believe his friends sometimes...
"Hermione, we can always come back," Harry tried reasonably.
"No! What if someone else gets it? I can't let that happen! No! It's going in right now, Harry James Potter, and that's that!"
"Ouch, she used your full name," Ron winced. "Guess you'd better get to it then, Harry?"
"Bugger off Ron. She's your friend too."
"She's your girlfriend."
"No she's not! She's just my friend, who happens to be a girl-"
"Whom you will never snog again unless you shut up and help me," Hermione groaned. Harry sighed.
Every time we go to the bookstore...
"Just because the label says it has 'infinite space' doesn't mean it actually does!"
"Oh sod off! I'm not waiting another month for this edition of Hogwarts, a History, so there!"
Triple Combo!
I must launch my counter attack.
"Um, I don't think that will fit."
"Are you sure, Harry?" asked Luna, both staring at the topic in question.
"Well, relatively sure," said Harry.
"But it is squishy, and the ball won't break."
"Maybe so," he said, bending down to look closer. "But it is just too big to fit into the little glass balls they use to store predictions, even if you make them unbreakable."
Luna nodded as she lowered herself as well. "Perhaps we need to reshape the object. I'm certain it will fit."
Harry shook his head. "Reshaping the object is sorta cheating, isn't it."
"Mr. Potter, Ms. Lovegood!" yelled Professor McGonagall as she strutted up to the two. "What do you think you are doing?"
"We're trying to stuff a transfigured dung beetle into a prophecy orb," said Luna.
Minerva was not accepting it. "Release Mr. Malfoy this instant!"
"But we're so close," pleaded Luna.
A loud smushing sound made its way to their ears as said ... 'beetle' ... compacted and filled the ball, only one eye visible from outside the glass sphere.
"Did Dobby help Harry Potter?" asked the free house elf, complete innocence written on his face, despite the fact he had just forced a one hundred and twenty five pound Malfoy into a sixteen ounce ball.
Harry shrugged as Minerva passed out. "I'll be damned, he did fit. Thanks Dobby."
Luna just smiled as the house elf danced about in utter joy. "Now Harry, I have another bet for you," she said, dragging him off to the Room of Requirements. "I want to see if something else snake-like fits what I have in mind."
I must launch my counter attack.
"Um, I don't think that will fit."
"Are you sure, Harry?" asked Luna, both staring at the topic in question.
"Well, relatively sure," said Harry.
"But it is squishy, and the ball won't break."
"Maybe so," he said, bending down to look closer. "But it is just too big to fit into the little glass balls they use to store predictions, even if you make them unbreakable."
Luna nodded as she lowered herself as well. "Perhaps we need to reshape the object. I'm certain it will fit."
Harry shook his head. "Reshaping the object is sorta cheating, isn't it."
"Mr. Potter, Ms. Lovegood!" yelled Professor McGonagall as she strutted up to the two. "What do you think you are doing?"
"We're trying to stuff a transfigured dung beetle into a prophecy orb," said Luna.
Minerva was not accepting it. "Release Mr. Malfoy this instant!"
"But we're so close," pleaded Luna.
A loud smushing sound made its way to their ears as said ... 'beetle' ... compacted and filled the ball, only one eye visible from outside the glass sphere.
"Did Dobby help Harry Potter?" asked the free house elf, complete innocence written on his face, despite the fact he had just forced a one hundred and twenty five pound Malfoy into a sixteen ounce ball.
Harry shrugged as Minerva passed out. "I'll be damned, he did fit. Thanks Dobby."
Luna just smiled as the house elf danced about in utter joy. "Now Harry, I have another bet for you," she said, dragging him off to the Room of Requirements. "I want to see if something else snake-like fits what I have in mind."
Well played, Innortal. But take this! Hiyah!
"Um, I don't think that will fit."
"Sure it will."
"Um no, it won't," Harry tried again, a hint of pleading in his tone. Ginny rolled her eyes.
"You're such a prude, Harry!"
"I'm just not into this sort of thing. Really. This is not enjoyable in the slightest-"
"Oh be a man will you! This is for my pleasure, not yours." Ginny adjusted the strap-on dildo and smirked evilly. "Now, call me Malfoy..."
"AUUUUUUGHHHHHHHH!" Harry shot up in bed, panting hard.
"Harry...? What is it?" Mumbled a sleepy-sounding Tonks next to him. Harry panted a bit, before shaking his head.
"Just... A nightmare," Harry said, taking deep breaths.
"Tell me about it?" Hermione asked, concerned. Tonks snuggled herself deeper into her sheets, upset that her "teddy bear" was occupied. Harry shook his head.
"Nah... Just another of those 'I married Ginny' dreams." Harry shuddered. "Still can't believe some of the stuff she's into!"
"Poor Dean," Hermione agreed. She smirked a little and pressed her nude body against the Boy Who Lived. "I think I know a way to take your mind off it..."
"Again? It's been five times already," Tonks moaned. Hermione rolled her eyes.
"Then go back to sleep."
Five minutes of moaning and screaming later, Tonks sighed and turned around. If you couldn't beat them, and all that...
"Um, I don't think that will fit."
"Sure it will."
"Um no, it won't," Harry tried again, a hint of pleading in his tone. Ginny rolled her eyes.
"You're such a prude, Harry!"
"I'm just not into this sort of thing. Really. This is not enjoyable in the slightest-"
"Oh be a man will you! This is for my pleasure, not yours." Ginny adjusted the strap-on dildo and smirked evilly. "Now, call me Malfoy..."
"AUUUUUUGHHHHHHHH!" Harry shot up in bed, panting hard.
"Harry...? What is it?" Mumbled a sleepy-sounding Tonks next to him. Harry panted a bit, before shaking his head.
"Just... A nightmare," Harry said, taking deep breaths.
"Tell me about it?" Hermione asked, concerned. Tonks snuggled herself deeper into her sheets, upset that her "teddy bear" was occupied. Harry shook his head.
"Nah... Just another of those 'I married Ginny' dreams." Harry shuddered. "Still can't believe some of the stuff she's into!"
"Poor Dean," Hermione agreed. She smirked a little and pressed her nude body against the Boy Who Lived. "I think I know a way to take your mind off it..."
"Again? It's been five times already," Tonks moaned. Hermione rolled her eyes.
"Then go back to sleep."
Five minutes of moaning and screaming later, Tonks sighed and turned around. If you couldn't beat them, and all that...
Not done yet.
"Um, I don't think that will fit."
Harry blinked, before turning away from Ginny and looking to his right, spotting Luna. "What?"
"I don't think that will fit," she said, repeating her statement.
"Sure it will," growled Ginny. "Now get to it, Harry."
"Why don't you think it'll fit?" asked Harry.
"Oh, it's much too large to fit in there."
"It is not too big!" yelled Ginny.
"Well ... its kinda big," said Harry with uncertainty. Was it too big?
"It is rather large," agreed Luna.
"It is smaller than it, if nothing else!" yelled Ginny.
Harry began to look sad. "Is it really too small?"
Ginny just sighed as she took the card from Harry. "Listen, this card will fit in the envelop. We can owl it to Hermione and Ron and everything will be fine, they'll love it."
"Oh," said Luna. "The anniversary card, right..."
The two blinked, before turning towards Luna. "What did you think we were talking about?" asked Ginny.
"Well, when I came by an hour ago, you were telling Harry it was too big. I assumed you were still having the same argument. People with thribble infestations have the same argument for days."
The couple blushed deeply at that. "Um ... we were talking about something else," quickly said Ginny.
Harry just smiled. "And it did fit, I told you it would."
"Can I see it fit?" asked Luna. She'd never seen these weird envelop things before. I wonder why they're blushing so much.
"Um, I don't think that will fit."
Harry blinked, before turning away from Ginny and looking to his right, spotting Luna. "What?"
"I don't think that will fit," she said, repeating her statement.
"Sure it will," growled Ginny. "Now get to it, Harry."
"Why don't you think it'll fit?" asked Harry.
"Oh, it's much too large to fit in there."
"It is not too big!" yelled Ginny.
"Well ... its kinda big," said Harry with uncertainty. Was it too big?
"It is rather large," agreed Luna.
"It is smaller than it, if nothing else!" yelled Ginny.
Harry began to look sad. "Is it really too small?"
Ginny just sighed as she took the card from Harry. "Listen, this card will fit in the envelop. We can owl it to Hermione and Ron and everything will be fine, they'll love it."
"Oh," said Luna. "The anniversary card, right..."
The two blinked, before turning towards Luna. "What did you think we were talking about?" asked Ginny.
"Well, when I came by an hour ago, you were telling Harry it was too big. I assumed you were still having the same argument. People with thribble infestations have the same argument for days."
The couple blushed deeply at that. "Um ... we were talking about something else," quickly said Ginny.
Harry just smiled. "And it did fit, I told you it would."
"Can I see it fit?" asked Luna. She'd never seen these weird envelop things before. I wonder why they're blushing so much.
You are truly a worthy adversary, Innortal. But the game ends now.
"Um, I don't think that will fit."
Ron blinked. After the whole birthday mishap, he'd tried not to jump to any more conclusions. But it was so difficult!
"Again? Come on Harry, you know it'll fit."
"Just because it fit then doesn't mean it'll fit now, does it?"
Ron closed his eyes, trying to will himself to walk past the classroom door. It's not what you think, just keep moving...
"It couldn't have gotten that much smaller," Hermione protested.
"Oh yes it could have. You're doing something new!"
"Well... Maybe... But it'll make it better, you'll see!"
"I'm not sure..."
"Okay, that's it!" Ron shouted, storming into the classroom with his eyes covered. "I don't care what you two do, but don't do it where anyone could just stop by and see you!"
"Ron? Exactly what are you going on about?" Hermione asked, in a tone of voice he was very familiar with. It was very much like his mother's tone when she called him by his full name.
"These-These perverted games!" Still he persevered. He paled as he felt Harry's hand grab his and pull it off his eyes.
"NO! I CAN'T-! Huh?" Ron blinked. Harry was dressed in some strange, mostly black outfit, with wide poofy pants that made it look like he was wearing a dress. A red chain of charms went over one shoulder, holding what looked like a gigantic steak knife wrapped in bandages. His hair was dyed orange.
Hermione, standing nearby, was dressed in an orange-long sleeved shirt, a yellow scarf, and tight purple pants, all of which served to enhance her decent figure. Her hair was dyed purple and styled in a ponytail, with two cowlicks on either side of her head that resembled cat ears. Her arms were crossed over her chest as she glared at him.
"You call this perverse?" Hermione asked flatly. "We're just doing a bit of cosplay and-"
"No! No! I don't want to hear it you sickos! Lalalala, lalala lalalalala!" Ron sang frantically, covering his ears and running out of the empty classroom. Harry sighed.
"Maybe the wizarding world isn't ready for an anime con?" Harry suggested. Hermione scoffed.
"Maybe Ron isn't, but the rest certainly are. Luna's Nell costume is perfect!"
"It is that," Harry replied, resisting the urge to drool at the memory.
Hermione tugged at his shoulder, smirking in a very cat-like way.
"Now, where were we...?"
"Huh? Oh, yes," Harry coughed, before scowling. "So, what do we do first for bankai training, Yoruichi-san?"
"That's simple," Hermione purred. "Take off your clothes."
"Um, I don't think that will fit."
Ron blinked. After the whole birthday mishap, he'd tried not to jump to any more conclusions. But it was so difficult!
"Again? Come on Harry, you know it'll fit."
"Just because it fit then doesn't mean it'll fit now, does it?"
Ron closed his eyes, trying to will himself to walk past the classroom door. It's not what you think, just keep moving...
"It couldn't have gotten that much smaller," Hermione protested.
"Oh yes it could have. You're doing something new!"
"Well... Maybe... But it'll make it better, you'll see!"
"I'm not sure..."
"Okay, that's it!" Ron shouted, storming into the classroom with his eyes covered. "I don't care what you two do, but don't do it where anyone could just stop by and see you!"
"Ron? Exactly what are you going on about?" Hermione asked, in a tone of voice he was very familiar with. It was very much like his mother's tone when she called him by his full name.
"These-These perverted games!" Still he persevered. He paled as he felt Harry's hand grab his and pull it off his eyes.
"NO! I CAN'T-! Huh?" Ron blinked. Harry was dressed in some strange, mostly black outfit, with wide poofy pants that made it look like he was wearing a dress. A red chain of charms went over one shoulder, holding what looked like a gigantic steak knife wrapped in bandages. His hair was dyed orange.
Hermione, standing nearby, was dressed in an orange-long sleeved shirt, a yellow scarf, and tight purple pants, all of which served to enhance her decent figure. Her hair was dyed purple and styled in a ponytail, with two cowlicks on either side of her head that resembled cat ears. Her arms were crossed over her chest as she glared at him.
"You call this perverse?" Hermione asked flatly. "We're just doing a bit of cosplay and-"
"No! No! I don't want to hear it you sickos! Lalalala, lalala lalalalala!" Ron sang frantically, covering his ears and running out of the empty classroom. Harry sighed.
"Maybe the wizarding world isn't ready for an anime con?" Harry suggested. Hermione scoffed.
"Maybe Ron isn't, but the rest certainly are. Luna's Nell costume is perfect!"
"It is that," Harry replied, resisting the urge to drool at the memory.
Hermione tugged at his shoulder, smirking in a very cat-like way.
"Now, where were we...?"
"Huh? Oh, yes," Harry coughed, before scowling. "So, what do we do first for bankai training, Yoruichi-san?"
"That's simple," Hermione purred. "Take off your clothes."
These are nice, but having already seen multiple fics with the same premise (someone overhears a conversation that could be regarded as perverted), seeing a whole bunch of these makes it hard for any one of them in particular to stand out. Which is why I like Innortal's stuffing-ferret-in-a-ball omake. Although the most recent one with the minor Bleach crossover is nice ^_^
I'll try to write one, but I don't have any ideas currently. Ack.
I'll try to write one, but I don't have any ideas currently. Ack.
"Um, I don't think that will fit." Harry was trying desperately to think of some way to convince Hagrid that this was a bad idea.
Harry could understand his friends obsession with dangerous creatures; blast ended skrewts aside some of them were absoultely fascinating, and he had to admit that when it wasn't trying to eat him Fluffy was to all intents and purposes a rather large and playful puppy. Even though it had three heads.
Hagrid's latest foray into the world of the strange and vicious was, in Harry's oppinion going entirely too far.
"Nonsense 'arry, I've been doing this with Professor Flitwick for years! It'll fit just fine; don'tcher worry yerself."
Hagrid's protest broke through Harry's train of thought. Not that it made much difference; there wasn't really anything he could think of to discourage his friend without hurting his feelings. Harry just hoped that Professor Dumbledore would talk some sense into him.
"Could yer give me a hand with the other end there 'arry?" Harry obliged him with a swish and flick of his wand. At least he wouldn't have to go touching it. Or get within arms reach for that matter.
Harry shifted his grip on his wand as the tree struggled against the immobilisation charm. Quite what posessed Hagrid to think that a 60 foot slashing serbian spruce would make a good christmas tree Harry did not know. Harry would have had to admit being quite relieved as they approached the entrance to the great hall, the doors of which were wide open.
Professor Flitwick and a number of the older students were busy putting up garlands and decorations around the hall. Even though they had only just started the hall had begun to have a very festive feel to it.
"Ah, Hagrid, you've out done yourself this year!" Professor Dumbledore called over as he approached from the other end of the hall. He was grinning widely, and his eyes twinkled with mirth as he gestured to a spot of floor, "Over there please Rubeus; Yes, every one should be able to see quite well I think."
Harry goggled for a moment, before rapidly composing himself. Hagrid responded with a cheerful "righ' you are Professor," and with Harry's help settled the tree into position.
Harry jumped back quickly as the tree, released from the immobilisation charm, took a swipe at him. 'I guess that proves it,' thought Harry, 'all those lemon drops really have rotted his brain.'
-------------------------
I did write another version of this, based on a similar idea, but I thought I'd save everyone from the mental image. And anyway, as Euphemism said, there have been enough ones on the "mistake for something perverted" theme already.
- Random_Guy
Harry could understand his friends obsession with dangerous creatures; blast ended skrewts aside some of them were absoultely fascinating, and he had to admit that when it wasn't trying to eat him Fluffy was to all intents and purposes a rather large and playful puppy. Even though it had three heads.
Hagrid's latest foray into the world of the strange and vicious was, in Harry's oppinion going entirely too far.
"Nonsense 'arry, I've been doing this with Professor Flitwick for years! It'll fit just fine; don'tcher worry yerself."
Hagrid's protest broke through Harry's train of thought. Not that it made much difference; there wasn't really anything he could think of to discourage his friend without hurting his feelings. Harry just hoped that Professor Dumbledore would talk some sense into him.
"Could yer give me a hand with the other end there 'arry?" Harry obliged him with a swish and flick of his wand. At least he wouldn't have to go touching it. Or get within arms reach for that matter.
Harry shifted his grip on his wand as the tree struggled against the immobilisation charm. Quite what posessed Hagrid to think that a 60 foot slashing serbian spruce would make a good christmas tree Harry did not know. Harry would have had to admit being quite relieved as they approached the entrance to the great hall, the doors of which were wide open.
Professor Flitwick and a number of the older students were busy putting up garlands and decorations around the hall. Even though they had only just started the hall had begun to have a very festive feel to it.
"Ah, Hagrid, you've out done yourself this year!" Professor Dumbledore called over as he approached from the other end of the hall. He was grinning widely, and his eyes twinkled with mirth as he gestured to a spot of floor, "Over there please Rubeus; Yes, every one should be able to see quite well I think."
Harry goggled for a moment, before rapidly composing himself. Hagrid responded with a cheerful "righ' you are Professor," and with Harry's help settled the tree into position.
Harry jumped back quickly as the tree, released from the immobilisation charm, took a swipe at him. 'I guess that proves it,' thought Harry, 'all those lemon drops really have rotted his brain.'
-------------------------
I did write another version of this, based on a similar idea, but I thought I'd save everyone from the mental image. And anyway, as Euphemism said, there have been enough ones on the "mistake for something perverted" theme already.
- Random_Guy
An entry! Unfortunately, between a lack of ideas and lots of homework, this one won't be particularly interesting. Takes place in some weird post HBP hunt story.
-----
"Um, I don't think this will fit."
"Quit stalling, Hermione. You've taken a week to make sure everything will work out. We've already stopped twice, and you've found nothing wrong. If you're not going to do it, I will."
"Well, alright, but this is going to hurt, Harry. Are you sure you want to do this?"
"How many times do I have to say yes? And for the pain, well, that's what you got this stick for. Remember?"
There was a disgusting squelching noise, followed by a sharp grunt, as Hermione pushed the prosthesis into the flesh of what remained of his right arm. Impossibly, the carved wooden limb sank deeper and deeper into flesh, while Harry whimpered all the while. After what seemed like an eternity, the pushing finally stopped.
"Do you feel anything?" Hermione asked, gently running her fingers over the artificial limb. Harry snorted in response, and spat out the stick.
"Pain. Lots of it. Can I get a numbing charm now?"
"You know what I mean, Harry. And I can't cast anything on you or it until we know everything's working right." She took out a needle and poked the wood. Harry twitched.
"Alright, I guess you can feel that. Hold these." She pried open Harry's new hand and waved her wand, conjuring up a few ice cubes onto the palm.
"You know, it might help if everything wasn't hurting right now," Harry said. "Maybe a light numbing charm would help?"
"Stop being such a baby. Just tell me, do you feel the cold?"
He sighed. Hermione could be so confusing sometimes, worried and reluctant at one moment, then strict and demanding the next. "I feel it. But not as much as a real hand would, I think."
"That's natural. Wood isn't the best material you could have used if you wanted sensitivity."
Harry stared at his new limb, made of painstakingly carved holly with endless golden runes covering it. It looked... tacky. "I still think we should have used metal," he said. "Besides, it would have looked better."
Hermione scoffed and rolled her eyes. "I should never have let you watch that cartoon. Besides, metal wouldn't have been able to conduct magic too well."
"That right!" Harry exclaimed, a smiling appearing on his face. "When can I try casting spells with it?"
"Not for a week! If this isn't properly attached, then using any magic might blow up your shoulder, or worse! Don't even think about using magic until I tell you you can, alright?"
"Fine, fine. Can I get a numbing charm now? It's still pretty painful."
She shook her head. "I'm not done yet," she said, and vanished the ice cubes, replacing them with small ball of fire. Harry yelped, and jerked back, momentarily forgetting that he had been strapped down onto a chair so that he wouldn't move too much while Hermione attached the prosthesis. The chair wobbled for a bit, but thankfully did not tip over.
"Hermione! Are you trying to set me on fire?"
All he got was a glare in return. "Now, are you feeling any heat at all?" she asked as she brought the ball of fire closer to his wooden arm.
"Well, warn me next time you do that," Harry said, grumbling. "Very little. How warm is it supposed to be? Might help if you unstrap me, you know."
"It should be about as warm as a cup of tea. And you know, I think I prefer you strapped down. Less chance of you running off and doing stupid things again."
Harry sighed, remembering the idiocy that had cost him his arm in the first place. Then, remembering a scene from another show he had watched recently, he asked, "Well, that's sharp, hot, and cold. Are you going to try blunt and loud next?"
"Loud?" Hermione replied, somewhat confused.
"Nevermind. What's next?"
"Try to move your arm, and your fingers. If everything's been done right, you'll have a full range of movement. Otherwise..."
She trailed off. They both knew that there would be no replacement if this one failed to fully function. Not only had it been time consuming to create, and used far too many expensive materials, any replacement would be rejected by his body once the first was attached. There was silence as they both stared at the wooden arm. Then, the fingers twitched.
"Well, I guess the operation was a success. Just remember, Harry, -"
"I know, I know, don't destroy Horcruxes at distances of less than 100 meters."
-----
"Um, I don't think this will fit."
"Quit stalling, Hermione. You've taken a week to make sure everything will work out. We've already stopped twice, and you've found nothing wrong. If you're not going to do it, I will."
"Well, alright, but this is going to hurt, Harry. Are you sure you want to do this?"
"How many times do I have to say yes? And for the pain, well, that's what you got this stick for. Remember?"
There was a disgusting squelching noise, followed by a sharp grunt, as Hermione pushed the prosthesis into the flesh of what remained of his right arm. Impossibly, the carved wooden limb sank deeper and deeper into flesh, while Harry whimpered all the while. After what seemed like an eternity, the pushing finally stopped.
"Do you feel anything?" Hermione asked, gently running her fingers over the artificial limb. Harry snorted in response, and spat out the stick.
"Pain. Lots of it. Can I get a numbing charm now?"
"You know what I mean, Harry. And I can't cast anything on you or it until we know everything's working right." She took out a needle and poked the wood. Harry twitched.
"Alright, I guess you can feel that. Hold these." She pried open Harry's new hand and waved her wand, conjuring up a few ice cubes onto the palm.
"You know, it might help if everything wasn't hurting right now," Harry said. "Maybe a light numbing charm would help?"
"Stop being such a baby. Just tell me, do you feel the cold?"
He sighed. Hermione could be so confusing sometimes, worried and reluctant at one moment, then strict and demanding the next. "I feel it. But not as much as a real hand would, I think."
"That's natural. Wood isn't the best material you could have used if you wanted sensitivity."
Harry stared at his new limb, made of painstakingly carved holly with endless golden runes covering it. It looked... tacky. "I still think we should have used metal," he said. "Besides, it would have looked better."
Hermione scoffed and rolled her eyes. "I should never have let you watch that cartoon. Besides, metal wouldn't have been able to conduct magic too well."
"That right!" Harry exclaimed, a smiling appearing on his face. "When can I try casting spells with it?"
"Not for a week! If this isn't properly attached, then using any magic might blow up your shoulder, or worse! Don't even think about using magic until I tell you you can, alright?"
"Fine, fine. Can I get a numbing charm now? It's still pretty painful."
She shook her head. "I'm not done yet," she said, and vanished the ice cubes, replacing them with small ball of fire. Harry yelped, and jerked back, momentarily forgetting that he had been strapped down onto a chair so that he wouldn't move too much while Hermione attached the prosthesis. The chair wobbled for a bit, but thankfully did not tip over.
"Hermione! Are you trying to set me on fire?"
All he got was a glare in return. "Now, are you feeling any heat at all?" she asked as she brought the ball of fire closer to his wooden arm.
"Well, warn me next time you do that," Harry said, grumbling. "Very little. How warm is it supposed to be? Might help if you unstrap me, you know."
"It should be about as warm as a cup of tea. And you know, I think I prefer you strapped down. Less chance of you running off and doing stupid things again."
Harry sighed, remembering the idiocy that had cost him his arm in the first place. Then, remembering a scene from another show he had watched recently, he asked, "Well, that's sharp, hot, and cold. Are you going to try blunt and loud next?"
"Loud?" Hermione replied, somewhat confused.
"Nevermind. What's next?"
"Try to move your arm, and your fingers. If everything's been done right, you'll have a full range of movement. Otherwise..."
She trailed off. They both knew that there would be no replacement if this one failed to fully function. Not only had it been time consuming to create, and used far too many expensive materials, any replacement would be rejected by his body once the first was attached. There was silence as they both stared at the wooden arm. Then, the fingers twitched.
"Well, I guess the operation was a success. Just remember, Harry, -"
"I know, I know, don't destroy Horcruxes at distances of less than 100 meters."