Not proof read or edited yet, but here you go for your early viewing.
HeavenÆs Facepalm
ôFinally,ö Rin growled as she glowered at her nubile lovers, whom she tossed on to the closest bed she could find, ôWe wonÆt be interrupted! I can finally have my nookie! We can finally make like the beast with two backs! This itch will finally beùö
ôHi!ö Ilyasviel popped into the room cheerfully.
Rin thought her vision was blurring. No, actually it looked like it was phasing in and out, like a television with bad reception (YesùContrary to popular belief, she did know what a television was). She felt her face cringle ever so slightly into a frown, realizing that she had developed a twitch just below her left eye.
ôWha-cha doinÆ?ö Ilyasviel hopped around the room. She didnÆt notice, or pretended not to notice, the dark aura that seemed to gather around Rin, like a miasma of malevolent spirits being churned and mixed into some kind of curse that represented the feelings of all the ôfrustratedö women on earth.
Instead, Ilyasviel thought her æOniisanÆ felt rather like her Papa. So she hopped onto his lap and asked, ôWhy are you all naked, æOniisanÆ? ArenÆt you cold?ö
Why does her æOniisanÆ have that funny look on his face?
Curiously, before any of the other occupants of the little private suite could do or say anything, Ilyasviel pouted and blinked at something that was poking her. ôWhatÆs this, æOniisanÆ?ö
Why does her æOniisanÆs face look even funnier now? WhatÆs this warm feeling in her chest?
Her æOniisanÆ was fidgeting under herà how cute! He was even muttering something that sounded like, ôD-DonÆt touch that, Ilyasviel!ö But her curiosity proved stronger. After all, Mama and Papa both told her she was a good girl when she asked more questions and poked around. SheÆs a good girl!
Determined to know what was happening, Ilyasviel peeked up at her æOniisanÆ and asked, ôI never seen Papa like thisà does it hurt, æOniisanÆ?ö
ôShirouàö Rin growled from behind Ilyasviel, ôI never knew you were into this kind of thing.ö
ôR-Rin, itÆs not what ità I mean, why are your eyes red, Rin?ö Shirou stuttered. ôR-Rin, your eyes are glowing.ö
At this point, Saber could only look on helplessly as Rin grew closer to her boiling point. But Rin was a magus, someone who could control herself with an iron will. She massaged her temples and sighed, before the growl receded from her tone. Instead of saying a word to Shirou, she lifted Ilyasviel off of his lap and freed Shirou from IlyasvielÆs grasp.
ôIlyasviel, this is a delicate matter that only mature, good girls can understand,ö Rin stated in her lecture pose #3. ôAre you a good girl, Ilyasviel?ö
With upmost sincerity, the snow-haired girl responded, ôIÆm a good girl, even Mama said so!ö
ôVery well, Ilyasviel,ö Rin leaned closer and whispered, as if sharing a deep secret, ôThis is a subject that you canÆt share with anyone! You canÆt tell anyone where you learned it from, if you are a good girl, Ilyasviel.ö
Ilyasviel nodded vigorously, her eyes alit with wonder at learning a secret that this big sister kept.
ôIlyasviel, we were going to have something calledà æsexÆ,ö Rin continued her lecture, ôIt is something that people who love each other do.ö
ôSoàö Ilyasviel touched her lower lips with her forefinger and pondered, ôIf I love æOniisanÆ, we do secks?ö
Rin realized that she must nip this at the bud. But on the other handà She suppressed a smirk and whispered even softer, ôYou have to ask your Mama and Papa to explain it first. DonÆt you love your Mama and Papa too?ö
ôYep!ö Ilyasviel nodded.
ôThen you must ask them to explain it to you, or even show it to you,ö Rin added, ôAnd they have to leave no detail out! Do you understand, Ilyasviel?ö
ôUh huh! Ask Papa about secks!ö Ilyasviel nodded again.
ôGood girl,ö Rin had put on a mask of a smile that caused Shirou and Saber to shiver and stay silent. She rubbed IlyasvielÆs head and said, ôNow run along and ask Papa, you donÆt want to waste anymore time here.ö
ôOkay!ö Ilyasviel jumped off of the bed dramatically and waved to Shirou, ôBye bye, æOniisanÆ!ö
As they watched Ilyasviel run off, RinÆs smirk became more sincere. ôNow, where were weà?ö
It was over two hours before the monsterùI mean, Rinùwas sated. She stood up and stretched, arching her back like a completely satisfied feline bathing in the sun. Shirou and Saber slept soundly behind Rin, as they were too exhausted by their most recent activity to move. In ShirouÆs case, he was rather drained of æpranaÆ, if you know what I mean.
There was a knock on the door, and Rin hastily scrambled to cover herself before she remembered she could materialize her clothes onto her body. It didnÆt help her frazzled hair however, and for some reason her clothes were wrinkled and smelled rather distinctly like æstrenuous activityÆ.
Kiritsugu walked into the room with a seemingly perpetual glare on his face. In fact, Rin thought he looked like he had aged a decade since the last time she saw him. That he seemed to be glaring at her only told her that she had probably missed out on something very amusing. He coughed into his fist and glanced over at the bed before turning to her. Rin blinked and realized that her lovers were both rather naked at the moment. Saber was simply adorable with her butt pointed towards the ceiling like thatà Rin shook herself. Business before pleasure!
Rin covered Shirou and Saber hurriedly as Kiritsugu addressed her in an overly formal manner, ôIt has come to my attention that you might wish to discuss your strategy for this War with Red Saber and Gold Saber, and I want to discuss your abilitiesùö
ôYes, yes,ö Rin nodded hurriedly, hoping that Kiritsugu wonÆt notice the blush on her face. It was embarrassing to be caught with her pantsùor in this case, skirtùdown by the Magus Killer, of all people. She flippantly dismissed his concerns and focused on trying to get the wrinkles out of her blouse before she paused, ôOf course youÆllà wait, what? Red Saber and Gold Saber, like some sort of sentai team?ö
Kiritsugu confirmed without a blink, showing none of his surprise at her knowledge of what a sentai team was, and explained, ôSince the three of you are all Sabers and I must differentiate between you, I decided to assign a different designation to each of you.ö
Rin felt a Shirou-sized headache coming. She rubbed her forehead and asked, ôYou couldnÆt have just asked for our names?ö
ôThat would not be prudent to reveal your names to our enemies,ö Kiritsugu looked almost disappointed for moment.
ôYou know what? You make a good point, Emiya,ö Rin nodded slowly. So this Emiya was more competent than her Emiya. Did she get an inferior version? The Emiya she was talking to seemed to resemble Archer more and more. Rin asked incredulously, ôStillà Red? Yellow? Next youÆll tell me that you were going to call me Black Saber.ö
Kiritsugu almost blinked in surprise. ôYes, you are very astute.ö But he didnÆt blink and kept his poker face, because he was Emiya fucking Kiritsugu. His glare didnÆt sharpen when she scoffed, but he didnÆt reveal that he was a fan of the sentai team, Saber Riders, either.
ôN-no, please, that wonÆt work well with us, I think,ö Rin felt the Shirou-sized headache coming back. Instead of banging her head against a wall, she suggested, ôHow about you call us by other Servant Classes. At least this way, we could confuse our enemies.ö
Kiritsugu raised an eyebrow at Rin, ôDo you have something in mind, Saber Black?ö
Rin gritted her teeth to suppress a growl. She answered, ôYou can call me Caster, since IÆm the most practiced with magecraft of the three of us here. You could call the blonde one Saber and as to the redheadàö Rin found it rather difficult to keep a straight face but she did it. ôYou can call him Archer.ö
ôàArcher?ö Kiritsugu glanced over at the redhead. For some reason, his paternal instincts were telling him to take the redhead under his wing and teach the boy, but Kiritsugu didnÆt put all his trust in mere instincts. ôNever mind,ö Kiritsugu nodded once and said, ôI will inform Maiya and Irisviel about this development as soon as I am able. For the moment, here is the data that I have collected with my sources on the other Masters or potential Masters of the War.ö
And then Kiritsugu gave Rin a notebook computer.
She stared at the device for a moment wordlessly, before shrugging and setting it aside. ôIÆll take a look at thisà later,ö replied Rin.
ôSee that you do,ö Kiritsugu nodded. ôI see that Saber and Archer are awake now.ö
Rin turned around to find Saber and Shirou peeking out from the top of their covers. She sighed, ôHow long have you two beenà? Never mind, just get up.ö Both squeaked when Rin slapped their behinds as they jumped out of bed.
ôAs I have been telling æCasterÆ, I would like to know what you can do so that I can plan accordingly,ö Kiritsugu had cut in gruffly. ôYour capabilities or any information you can provide.ö
ôMy capabilities?ö ShirouÆs eyebrows furrowed, ôI see. I am inexperienced, but I am adept at making Japanese dishes. I can also make many English dishes, as well as several German ones, but Iùow!ö Rin slapped the back of his head.
ôHe means your fighting capaùö
Saber chose this as the perfect time to perk up and add, ôSpeaking of which, Shirou, it is almost time for a pre-supper snack!ö
ôO-Of course, Saber!ö Shirou nodded, suddenly pumped up.
Rin tried to dissuade them of their current path, but neither seemed to be listening. Saber grasped ShirouÆs hands with a glimmer in her eyes, ôYes, please prepare for me a great meal.ö
ôI will do my best, Saber!ö Shirou nodded passionately in reply, ôAre you prepared to take everything I have to offer?ö
ôY-yes, Shirou!ö Saber stuttered for a moment, almost overwhelmed by the emotions within ShirouÆs eyes.
ôSaber! DonÆt believe in me, believe in my food that believes in you!ö Shirou added.
Rin thought she saw an illusionary sunset behind them, but she didnÆt believe either of them was capable of such a feat. When she tried to grab them, to shake them out of this strange kitchen and food fetish of theirs, Shirou and Saber dashed out of the bedroom, leaving a silent Kiritsugu with a speechless Rin.
Rin followed with a feeling of dread building up within her. The thought of Shirou having such a kitchen at his disposalà he might not even ever return to the bedroom! Another part of Rin, a rather kinky part of her, added that there was nothing wrong with having copulating in the kitchenà
When she arrived, Rin skidded to a halt.
Rin found a Saber who was sitting around, waiting impatiently. She also found an Irisviel, who was giggling without stop. And she also found a Shirou who was busy stripping and pulling what looked like a skimpy maid uniform.
When Shirou noticed her, he stuttered, ôD-donÆt judge me! T-they donÆt allow anyone inside the kitchen except maids! D-donÆt judge me!ö
Rin might have taken ShirouÆs words into consideration, if not for the tears rolling down his cheeks.
