This is the beginning of (most likely a one-shot) where Keitaro is a ki manipulation monster. It's the first thing I've posted here, so I'm looking for more of a critique of my style than anything else. Thanks guys.
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Untitled Love Hina Fic.
If Keitaro was paying attention, it wouldnÆt have come to this. If heÆd listened a little better, then maybe he could have kept his secret a little longer. Oh, well. Too late for that now, he got caught.
Keitaro reminisced about earlier times, it had been what? Six, almost, seven weeks since he came to the Hinata Sou and his life was never the same.
After the first few days, Keitaro got into a schedule. Something along the lines of: clean the inn, get punted for being a pervert, study for Tokyo U, get smacked for being a pervert, clean the hot tubs after making sure that no one was in there, turn around to get cleaning supplies, one of the girls enter while Keitaro is getting his tools, when Keitaro gets back, he gets beaten the stuffing out of for being a pervert.
Keitaro was used to it, though. Besides, the girls really didnÆt do all that much to him. He looked at it like training, and with KeitaroÆs gift, it really was.
--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--
Keitaro looked around at what hit him. A commanding and feminine voice sounded behind him, ôHow did you? Urashima! I demand to know what happened!ö
Without turning around, Keitaro knew who it was, but just to be certain, he looked. Standing before him was Aoyama Motoko, heiress to the GodÆs Cry School of kendo. She stood with her bokken leveled at him. As he turned fully toward her, she raised it, as if in preparation to strike him again.
Internally, Keitaro groaned, Gad, its Motoko. Dang it, sheÆs probably the only one I canÆt fool. Okay, she can sense how I mold my ki, soà While Keitaro was conversing with himself in his mind, Motoko decided that she had been patient enough. ôUrashima! I asked you a question! Now tell me, why that attack did not have the usual result.ö He knew it wasnÆt a question. Nor was it a request.
--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--
Keitaro tried to be a good guy. He had an excellent handle on his temper, and he knew enough about dealing with people to know that the best way to handle lifeÆs situations was to grin and bare it. But, that motto didnÆt mesh too well with some of KeitaroÆs other personality traits, for example, Keitaro was a very clumsy individual.
True, that by itself wasnÆt all that bad, but it seemed that his clumsiness was enhanced by the presence of any one of the Hinata Sou ladies. It wasnÆt exactly anything Keitaro could account for, just something that happened. In fact, Keitaro decided to test it one day.
When Keitaro finished waxing the hot springs, and it was polished and clean, the chance to slip and fall was greatest. Even so, heÆd walk back and forth over the slick and dangerous floor without any mishaps. Immediately after literally prancing across the springs, Keitaro called for Shinobu. Not because he wanted the chance to molest her (as Naru would claim later), but because she was the least likely to beat him senseless if something did happen.
Keitaro stopped taking any extra risks, but the second the door opened and Shinobu stepped in, he slid straight into her. When Keitaro told his friends about it, he said it was like he was a piece of iron and she was magnetic. When Keitaro crashed into Shinobu, she let out a yelp. Naru showed up, almost like she was waiting outside the door, and pelted Keitaro out and over the city.
Even then, when it was somewhat justified, it was only one event of a thousand similar ones. Keitaro was just fine with justice being blind, but pure and total injustice was something he would not tolerate. It was a cycle, and Keitaro was sick of being stuck.
Still, that time, and all of the others, something actually happened where the beating would be earned. This time when Motoko attacked, there was no reason, no justification. It seemed that she did it just to abuse KeitaroÆs immortality for target practice, and he was pissed. So when Keitaro spoke to Motoko, it wasnÆt exactly surprising that his words and tone werenÆt to her liking.
--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--
Keitaro pushed his glasses up his nose and replied to Motoko, ôHey, you havenÆt given me a reason to tell you anything about me. So leave me alone.ö He didnÆt know why shouted at her, but damn if it didnÆt feel good. Besides, she wasnÆt yelling at him to stop, and Keitaro was more emotional than rational now. Keitaro figured that he might as well get all this off his chest, so he continued, ôIÆve been trying to act the gentleman around here since my major screw up when I first got here, but all you do is beat me! You and Naru both! You two think everything I do is some cockamamie scheme to get into somebodyÆs pants and you both wonÆt hesitate to try and send me into orbit over it.ö KeitaroÆs glasses slipped down his face some, but he didnÆt bother pushing them back up.
Motoko didnÆt really know how to respond to that. ItÆs hard to blame her, though, because Keitaro never yells, so responding to the landlord throwing a hissy fit on the roof would require a bit of time to think through. After Motoko got her thoughts in order, she replied to Keitaro. ôThe protection of the purity of the residents here is my business, your perverse tendencies, and the reduction thereof are also my business, finally, if there is a chance of failure in any of those categories happens to also fall under the heading of æmy business.Æ So, I think it is pertinent that if my attacks are beginning to lose effect, I should know so that I can improve my efforts, Urashima.ö
ôMy perverse tendencies?! IÆm sorry, I was unaware that bad Karma constituted æperverse tendencies,Æ but I suppose that IÆll overlook that if you can tell me why you decided that my standing here and looking over the city deserved the full brunt of your ki skills. Hm?ö
MotokoÆs hesitation was all the answer that Keitaro needed, ôThought so.ö As Keitaro turned to leave, Motoko finally found her voice.
ôUrashima, wait,ö Keitaro stopped, but did not turn to face her, ôIÆm sorry, but my sister had a theory, and it needed to be tested.ö Keitaro said nothing, but started tapping his foot and twirling his hand in a æcontinueÆ gesture. ôAfter I told her how you managed to shrug off the punishments that Naru and I mete out, she thought you may, in fact, be very skilled in ki manipulation. I assumed that someone was weak as you were couldnÆt possibly be gifted at such a delicate process, but it seems that I was wrong.ö Motoko kneeled in the traditional posture, and bowed her head, ôPlease forgive me, Urashima. My attacking you without reason was uncalled for, but it was necessary to learn more about you.ö
Keitaro wanted to turn around and shout what Motoko would have done if Keitaro had flown off the roof, and maybe broke his skull on the stone steps. What would she have done then, he would have screamed at her, but a soft thud stopped him.
Keitaro heard Motoko drop to her knees, and pinched the bridge of his nose. If Keitaro could hold a grudge, this is when he would swear that he would never accept MotokoÆs apology as long as he drew breath. But, Keitaro just isnÆt that kind of person, so he simply told her, ôAll is forgiven Motoko, just donÆt do something like that again.ö It took every ounce of the sizeable self control Keitaro possessed to not yell more, to take her apart emotionally as much as she tried to do to him physically. Keitaro didnÆt hear her get up, and he almost lost it right then. However, Keitaro has the patience of several saints, so he just gave a heavy sigh, and asked, ôIs there something else you need to tell me, Motoko? I have a lot of chores today, so itÆll have to be pretty quick.ö
ôTeach me.ö
Keitaro took a few seconds to think around those words, to attempt to grasp the enormity of them. Motoko hated men, this he knew, firsthand even. For her to ask him for help was something Keitaro wasnÆt prepared to happen. Just asking for his guidance meant that there was something she admitted he was better at than she was. Even further, this something was something she prided herself heavily on. KeitaroÆs response to this was likely to be a defining moment in MotokoÆs life. Denial would prove her former outlook on men to be correct, acceptance would start her on a healing path. Regardless of the storming anger Keitaro felt, he could not be so selfish as to destroy another personÆs path of redemption. The choice was made well before Keitaro could reason it out.
ôIÆll see you in the garden, at half past eight. ThatÆs the only time IÆve got to myself.ö
Motoko felt sick asking Keitaro to teach her. It was like a black pit welled up in her stomach and threatened to devour her whole. She actually hoped that Keitaro would walk off without asking her anything else. Even worse was the feeling she had while Keitaro mulled over her request, even though it wasnÆt a question, it was still not a demand. The fact that Keitaro considered it proved that. As Motoko waited for KeitaroÆs answer, it felt like her entire body went numb and the only thing she could feel was that black pit eating away at her.
Even after Keitaro agreed, the pit remained, except now it was in her mind. It supplied her with voices; voices filled with venomous pride, voices made weak through their shouts of fear, voices steeped in endless despair, voices entrenched in the fullest paranoia. Motoko hear every one of them.
ôA woman needs no assistance from a man, the sickening letches, and this one is the worst.ö
ôSo much power, itÆs overwhelming, he just ignored it. Even sister canÆt do that.ö
ôWeÆre doomed, we canÆt even fight back now, itÆs all over, if I canÆt beat this slip of a man, how can we ever hold our own against Tsuruko?ö
ôItÆs just going to be us, alone, with him, in the garden, with all that soundproofing, heÆs going to get us. WeÆre done for!ö
Five minutes of listening to her inner emotional seas, and Motoko was frustrated. She was not going to go through this for several more hours. ôIf you think for a second that IÆll show up alone to meet you in the garden after dark, then you have another thing coming. YouÆre going to tell me right here and --.ö Motoko was cut off by Shinobu opening the laundry door on the roof. Motoko shot a glare at Keitaro and whispered as loud as she could, ôFine, IÆll see you there, but any funny business and IÆll--.ö
Keitaro whirled around, looked over his glasses at her and whispered under his breath, so that Shinobu wouldnÆt hear, ôYouÆll what? You just launched one of your most powerful ki waves and it did nothing.ö Keitaro allowed for a dramatic pause to let the information sink in. After he was sure she knew exactly what he meant, he walked to Motoko and whispered in her ear with a husky voice, ôIÆll see you there.ö He backed away from her and left Motoko to ponder to herself.
--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--
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Untitled Love Hina Fic.
If Keitaro was paying attention, it wouldnÆt have come to this. If heÆd listened a little better, then maybe he could have kept his secret a little longer. Oh, well. Too late for that now, he got caught.
Keitaro reminisced about earlier times, it had been what? Six, almost, seven weeks since he came to the Hinata Sou and his life was never the same.
After the first few days, Keitaro got into a schedule. Something along the lines of: clean the inn, get punted for being a pervert, study for Tokyo U, get smacked for being a pervert, clean the hot tubs after making sure that no one was in there, turn around to get cleaning supplies, one of the girls enter while Keitaro is getting his tools, when Keitaro gets back, he gets beaten the stuffing out of for being a pervert.
Keitaro was used to it, though. Besides, the girls really didnÆt do all that much to him. He looked at it like training, and with KeitaroÆs gift, it really was.
--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--
Keitaro looked around at what hit him. A commanding and feminine voice sounded behind him, ôHow did you? Urashima! I demand to know what happened!ö
Without turning around, Keitaro knew who it was, but just to be certain, he looked. Standing before him was Aoyama Motoko, heiress to the GodÆs Cry School of kendo. She stood with her bokken leveled at him. As he turned fully toward her, she raised it, as if in preparation to strike him again.
Internally, Keitaro groaned, Gad, its Motoko. Dang it, sheÆs probably the only one I canÆt fool. Okay, she can sense how I mold my ki, soà While Keitaro was conversing with himself in his mind, Motoko decided that she had been patient enough. ôUrashima! I asked you a question! Now tell me, why that attack did not have the usual result.ö He knew it wasnÆt a question. Nor was it a request.
--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--
Keitaro tried to be a good guy. He had an excellent handle on his temper, and he knew enough about dealing with people to know that the best way to handle lifeÆs situations was to grin and bare it. But, that motto didnÆt mesh too well with some of KeitaroÆs other personality traits, for example, Keitaro was a very clumsy individual.
True, that by itself wasnÆt all that bad, but it seemed that his clumsiness was enhanced by the presence of any one of the Hinata Sou ladies. It wasnÆt exactly anything Keitaro could account for, just something that happened. In fact, Keitaro decided to test it one day.
When Keitaro finished waxing the hot springs, and it was polished and clean, the chance to slip and fall was greatest. Even so, heÆd walk back and forth over the slick and dangerous floor without any mishaps. Immediately after literally prancing across the springs, Keitaro called for Shinobu. Not because he wanted the chance to molest her (as Naru would claim later), but because she was the least likely to beat him senseless if something did happen.
Keitaro stopped taking any extra risks, but the second the door opened and Shinobu stepped in, he slid straight into her. When Keitaro told his friends about it, he said it was like he was a piece of iron and she was magnetic. When Keitaro crashed into Shinobu, she let out a yelp. Naru showed up, almost like she was waiting outside the door, and pelted Keitaro out and over the city.
Even then, when it was somewhat justified, it was only one event of a thousand similar ones. Keitaro was just fine with justice being blind, but pure and total injustice was something he would not tolerate. It was a cycle, and Keitaro was sick of being stuck.
Still, that time, and all of the others, something actually happened where the beating would be earned. This time when Motoko attacked, there was no reason, no justification. It seemed that she did it just to abuse KeitaroÆs immortality for target practice, and he was pissed. So when Keitaro spoke to Motoko, it wasnÆt exactly surprising that his words and tone werenÆt to her liking.
--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--
Keitaro pushed his glasses up his nose and replied to Motoko, ôHey, you havenÆt given me a reason to tell you anything about me. So leave me alone.ö He didnÆt know why shouted at her, but damn if it didnÆt feel good. Besides, she wasnÆt yelling at him to stop, and Keitaro was more emotional than rational now. Keitaro figured that he might as well get all this off his chest, so he continued, ôIÆve been trying to act the gentleman around here since my major screw up when I first got here, but all you do is beat me! You and Naru both! You two think everything I do is some cockamamie scheme to get into somebodyÆs pants and you both wonÆt hesitate to try and send me into orbit over it.ö KeitaroÆs glasses slipped down his face some, but he didnÆt bother pushing them back up.
Motoko didnÆt really know how to respond to that. ItÆs hard to blame her, though, because Keitaro never yells, so responding to the landlord throwing a hissy fit on the roof would require a bit of time to think through. After Motoko got her thoughts in order, she replied to Keitaro. ôThe protection of the purity of the residents here is my business, your perverse tendencies, and the reduction thereof are also my business, finally, if there is a chance of failure in any of those categories happens to also fall under the heading of æmy business.Æ So, I think it is pertinent that if my attacks are beginning to lose effect, I should know so that I can improve my efforts, Urashima.ö
ôMy perverse tendencies?! IÆm sorry, I was unaware that bad Karma constituted æperverse tendencies,Æ but I suppose that IÆll overlook that if you can tell me why you decided that my standing here and looking over the city deserved the full brunt of your ki skills. Hm?ö
MotokoÆs hesitation was all the answer that Keitaro needed, ôThought so.ö As Keitaro turned to leave, Motoko finally found her voice.
ôUrashima, wait,ö Keitaro stopped, but did not turn to face her, ôIÆm sorry, but my sister had a theory, and it needed to be tested.ö Keitaro said nothing, but started tapping his foot and twirling his hand in a æcontinueÆ gesture. ôAfter I told her how you managed to shrug off the punishments that Naru and I mete out, she thought you may, in fact, be very skilled in ki manipulation. I assumed that someone was weak as you were couldnÆt possibly be gifted at such a delicate process, but it seems that I was wrong.ö Motoko kneeled in the traditional posture, and bowed her head, ôPlease forgive me, Urashima. My attacking you without reason was uncalled for, but it was necessary to learn more about you.ö
Keitaro wanted to turn around and shout what Motoko would have done if Keitaro had flown off the roof, and maybe broke his skull on the stone steps. What would she have done then, he would have screamed at her, but a soft thud stopped him.
Keitaro heard Motoko drop to her knees, and pinched the bridge of his nose. If Keitaro could hold a grudge, this is when he would swear that he would never accept MotokoÆs apology as long as he drew breath. But, Keitaro just isnÆt that kind of person, so he simply told her, ôAll is forgiven Motoko, just donÆt do something like that again.ö It took every ounce of the sizeable self control Keitaro possessed to not yell more, to take her apart emotionally as much as she tried to do to him physically. Keitaro didnÆt hear her get up, and he almost lost it right then. However, Keitaro has the patience of several saints, so he just gave a heavy sigh, and asked, ôIs there something else you need to tell me, Motoko? I have a lot of chores today, so itÆll have to be pretty quick.ö
ôTeach me.ö
Keitaro took a few seconds to think around those words, to attempt to grasp the enormity of them. Motoko hated men, this he knew, firsthand even. For her to ask him for help was something Keitaro wasnÆt prepared to happen. Just asking for his guidance meant that there was something she admitted he was better at than she was. Even further, this something was something she prided herself heavily on. KeitaroÆs response to this was likely to be a defining moment in MotokoÆs life. Denial would prove her former outlook on men to be correct, acceptance would start her on a healing path. Regardless of the storming anger Keitaro felt, he could not be so selfish as to destroy another personÆs path of redemption. The choice was made well before Keitaro could reason it out.
ôIÆll see you in the garden, at half past eight. ThatÆs the only time IÆve got to myself.ö
Motoko felt sick asking Keitaro to teach her. It was like a black pit welled up in her stomach and threatened to devour her whole. She actually hoped that Keitaro would walk off without asking her anything else. Even worse was the feeling she had while Keitaro mulled over her request, even though it wasnÆt a question, it was still not a demand. The fact that Keitaro considered it proved that. As Motoko waited for KeitaroÆs answer, it felt like her entire body went numb and the only thing she could feel was that black pit eating away at her.
Even after Keitaro agreed, the pit remained, except now it was in her mind. It supplied her with voices; voices filled with venomous pride, voices made weak through their shouts of fear, voices steeped in endless despair, voices entrenched in the fullest paranoia. Motoko hear every one of them.
ôA woman needs no assistance from a man, the sickening letches, and this one is the worst.ö
ôSo much power, itÆs overwhelming, he just ignored it. Even sister canÆt do that.ö
ôWeÆre doomed, we canÆt even fight back now, itÆs all over, if I canÆt beat this slip of a man, how can we ever hold our own against Tsuruko?ö
ôItÆs just going to be us, alone, with him, in the garden, with all that soundproofing, heÆs going to get us. WeÆre done for!ö
Five minutes of listening to her inner emotional seas, and Motoko was frustrated. She was not going to go through this for several more hours. ôIf you think for a second that IÆll show up alone to meet you in the garden after dark, then you have another thing coming. YouÆre going to tell me right here and --.ö Motoko was cut off by Shinobu opening the laundry door on the roof. Motoko shot a glare at Keitaro and whispered as loud as she could, ôFine, IÆll see you there, but any funny business and IÆll--.ö
Keitaro whirled around, looked over his glasses at her and whispered under his breath, so that Shinobu wouldnÆt hear, ôYouÆll what? You just launched one of your most powerful ki waves and it did nothing.ö Keitaro allowed for a dramatic pause to let the information sink in. After he was sure she knew exactly what he meant, he walked to Motoko and whispered in her ear with a husky voice, ôIÆll see you there.ö He backed away from her and left Motoko to ponder to herself.
--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--
