Bleach Kurosaki Retsu

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byakuryuu

Well-Known Member
#1
#1
There are many things I want to make clear here. One of them is the fact that it is NOT going to involve Isshin as a romantic interest. Instead, Ichigo's going to be taking the stead of married by common law.

We've all heard of over-used cliches and plots. Well, now sit down, shut up and hear them again, 'cause there isn't any way I'm backin' out of this one.

I'm using the old cliche: there's fine print in the contracts and dealings with Noble families of Soul Society, and because of something Ichigo did or did NOT do in the company of Retsu, he ends up married to her.

I'm thinking...

"Unohana Family Clause 271 Article 4: Should a male of none-direct relation kiss a woman of Unohana; they are to marry immediately because I want to torture my descendants and this is a time of prudes and you're just unlucky. Furthermore, they are to be stripped of the Unohana name and be presented with the name of their spouse."

"Unohana Family Clause 33 Article 9: There will be no divorce. Divorce shall bring shame to the Unohana. Commit Seppuku should they choose a divorce."

"Unohana Family Clause 32 Article 8: Polygamy is not an option for the spouse of the Unohana. Should he or she practice it and proceed with such traditions, The Unohana in question must commit Seppuku, for polygamy is a sickening notion and shall be treated as such."

Oh, and...

"Unohana Family Clause 87 Article 1: No Unohana female muust go through the first night of the marriage... and remain a virgin the morning after."

Send me advice. I beg of you.
 
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zerohour

Well-Known Member
#2
#2
How this happens should be interesting, unless Retsu assaults him. Because she IS a captain, and could probably avoid a kiss...

I'd take out the "because everyone's a prude now" part, because polygamy is forbidden right after, and someone would probably say that that seems prudish. I'd change it to something along the lines of: Any potential second wives must first defeat the first wife in an event of the first wife's choosing.
 
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the DragonBard

Well-Known Member
#4
#4
zerohour said:
How this happens should be interesting, unless Retsu assaults him. Because she IS a captain, and could probably avoid a kiss...

I'd take out the "because everyone's a prude now" part, because polygamy is forbidden right after, and someone would probably say that that seems prudish. I'd change it to something along the lines of: Any potential second wives must first defeat the first wife in an event of the first wife's choosing.
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Heh, that makes things a whole lot more difficult, considering that Retsu is not only a Captain, but appears to be a very powerful one as well. Only ones who would have a chance would be Nel at full power, and Orihime.

It would be better to allow polgamy, as the people who wrote the rules probably came from eras where it was, if not common, allowed. After all, enforced monogamy (whether it be enforced by religion or law) is a relatively recent practice.
 
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Rai-kun

Well-Known Member
#5
#5
zerohour said:
How this happens should be interesting, unless Retsu assaults him. Because she IS a captain, and could probably avoid a kiss...
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CPR.
 
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zerohour

Well-Known Member
#6
#6
Rai-kun said:
zerohour said:
How this happens should be interesting, unless Retsu assaults him.? Because she IS a captain, and could probably avoid a kiss...
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CPR.
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Does that really count? Would such a thing even apply to the law? Do spirits even NEED CPR? Do you even know how CPR is supposed to be done?

CPR is generally performed with a mask, so as to reduce the risk of disease and to reduce the likelihood that your victim will vomit into your mouth(God Bless one way valves). In fact you generally want to use an air bag to increase the amount of oxygen getting into their lungs, though using an oxygen tank is preferable.

Sorry, CPR really isn't an option for the kiss.
 
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zeebee1

Well-Known Member
#7
#7
The simple answer is Ichigo trips. Unohana twists around to catch him and their lips touch. There are many ways that this can happen by accident.
 
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~NGD OMEGA~

Well-Known Member
#8
#8
Ichigo screws up a Shunpo. Considering the likelyhood that a Shinigami remains solid during the instant movement, I can see him triping or something. Depends on how the situation is set up though.

Oddly I'm seeing something like that one scene in FLCL... that would be hilarious...
 
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Andrew Joshua Talon

Well-Known Member
#9
#9
I love this idea, as cliche as it is, it's made up for it's sheer cracktasticness. Which is not a word.

... Yet.

Anyway, any ideas as to where Ichigo and Retsu would meet in this timeline? Maybe she appears in the same area as Hanataro is when Ganju and Ichigo take him hostage, and Ichigo goes up against Unohana to buy time for Hanataro and Ganju to escape?
 
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zerohour

Well-Known Member
#10
#10
Why not go in a different direction?

The Shinigami Women's Association has a girl's night, culminating in drunken truth or dare.

A few dares later... :unsure!: :evil2: :evil2: :evil2:
 
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knight_of_ni

Well-Known Member
#11
#11
So, Ichigo wakes up the next morning in bed with Unohana, and apparently due to some family law they have to marry the first person they sleep (it doesn't define it as sex, it leaves it vague) with.

And so it turns out the SWA set her up, using a loophole in a vague law to get her hitched to a guy who fought against the entire (symbolically mind you) Gotei 13 to rescue Rukia.
 
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Bjorn

Well-Known Member
#12
#12
Is it just me or does the 'obscure law forces *insert female character* to wed/become a slave to *insert male character*' seem like the most contrived way to get two characters - who would otherwise never have given each other a second glance - together with the least possible amount of effort? I blame Ranma 1/2.

I really see no way to keep it decently serious, or decently comedic, with the way you've got it down. Unohana, even if she harbors a crush for Ichigo (which really has not been hinted at in any way or form, in canon. I don't think Ichigo has even seen her face at all, but I digress) would most probably not act like an amorous sex fiend even if the law said she should.

If you wanted it to be serious, there's no way Ichigo would go along with it at all. The boy's nearly a prude, and 16 years old to boot. There's no way you could possibly build up any kind of appreciable romance in the space of a day, and even after the sex Ichigo would probably be miserable. Unohana would probably be miserable, too. Unless this evolves into an action fic where Ichigo storms Seireitei to challenge the law AGAIN - which I doubt was the OP's intent - I can't see any way you'd make a decent story out of this.

Comedic route... You've got a little more leeway with characterization, but do you have any funny? There's not much established about Unohana so you can fudge a bit, but we've got a fairly good grasp on Ichigo's personality. You've got to keep inside those boundaries unless you want to make crack, which is decent but deceptively hard to do. The time limit of a day is still hilariously tight, regardless of how good you are at writing.

Does it have to be a law? Can't it be... I dunno, an accidental kiss of some sort with no frigging laws backing it up? You could actually build a sort of romance from there.
 
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GaelicDragon

Well-Known Member
#13
#13
Ultimate answer to family law question...

Anyone but me see the "Kull: The Conqueror" movie.

--

For those who don't know/get the reference, Kull took an axe to the "laws" of the civilization.
 
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zeebee1

Well-Known Member
#14
#14
The reason that Ichigo would go through with it was stated. If he doesn't Unohanan has to kill herself.
 
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Bjorn

Well-Known Member
#15
#15
zeebee1 said:
The reason that Ichigo would go through with it was stated. If he doesn't Unohanan has to kill herself.
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Which leads me back to the point that they'd both be fucking miserable. Not romantic.
 
N

~NGD OMEGA~

Well-Known Member
#16
#16
Well when you put it that way... it seems very over the top. Having never read Ranma (Don't like the drawing style :huh.:), I wouldn't know the origins of this particular genre type, but I assume the story was intended as comedic, and all you need is Unohana to chase Ichigo. Because Ichigo is a prude, and you get all kinds of Hilarious situations. Especially when Isshin get's a role as supporting his son 100% in getting laid, and then his little sisters to boot.

Add in Orihime, and the comedy will just roll. Then Chizuru for fun, and perhaps a visit at his school... I wonder how Ichigo's teacher would react to such situations in the class...

At any rate you can see the amount of comedy potential for this one edit leads almost anywhere not due to character changes to everyone around him, but because everyone around him is pretty much insane already.

Oh, I forgot for when Unohana goes to Yoruichi and Urahara for aid... and Matsumoto would just make things even more insane... add in Hitsugaya for a bit of humor from that side as well and you're set.

Oddly having just finished the Photon anime... I for one instant saw Unohana as something similar to the woman Photon accidentally marries there, and Ichigo completely clueless about the whole mess... I think I need more sleep...
 
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nintendokid

Well-Known Member
#17
#17
I don't personally like the romance by archaic law plot myself, either.

However, if you wanted to do something similar to that route without making it some kind of law, you could do something where Ichigo has to cared for for a prolonged length of time and Unohana's the only one up to the task. It would definitely have to be set after the war with Aizen though, and you'd have to think up a reason Orihime couldn't, but that's easy enough to do. And as time passes on, Ichigo comes down with a case of Nightingale syndrome. That gives both characters a nice long time to really come to terms with their feelings and progress at a reasonable pace into romance.

The other possible type that I can see is something like while they're in Hueco Mundo, either currently or during the big battle, they get separated from everyone else and have to survive together for a while and come to bond over that short period. It could be a friendship/camaraderie type bond, and then have it progress from there once they manage to get to safety and have time for such things.

Like Bjorn said, you're fairly limited in the believable ways you can get them to meet and actually come to like each other.
 
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DhampyrX2

Well-Known Member
#18
#18
Every time I read the title to this thread I think more of Retsu as Isshin's sister that married outside of the Kurosaki clan, rather than becoming Ichigo's bride. Mostly because I have a hard time wrapping my head around the thought of circumstances forcing either of them into a marriage and I can get more mileage out of Retsu acting like an overprotective mother figure to Ichigo and his friends than I can her being forced to marry him. Or even compelled to marry him.

Maybe that's just me. :huh.:
 
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zerohour

Well-Known Member
#19
#19
DhampyrX2 said:
Every time I read the title to this thread I think more of Retsu as Isshin's sister that married outside of the Kurosaki clan, rather than becoming Ichigo's bride. Mostly because I have a hard time wrapping my head around the thought of circumstances forcing either of them into a marriage and I can get more mileage out of Retsu acting like an overprotective mother figure to Ichigo and his friends than I can her being forced to marry him. Or even compelled to marry him.

Maybe that's just me. :huh.:
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I kinda get that vibe too... Maybe she tries to set Ichigo up with Isane?
 
A

Andrew Joshua Talon

Well-Known Member
#20
#20
zerohour said:
DhampyrX2 said:
Every time I read the title to this thread I think more of Retsu as Isshin's sister that married outside of the Kurosaki clan, rather than becoming Ichigo's bride.? Mostly because I have a hard time wrapping my head around the thought of circumstances forcing either of them into a marriage and I can get more mileage out of Retsu acting like an overprotective mother figure to Ichigo and his friends than I can her being forced to marry him.? Or even compelled to marry him.

Maybe that's just me.? :huh.:
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I kinda get that vibe too... Maybe she tries to set Ichigo up with Isane?
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Yes, more Isane x Ichigo! The field is totally neglected!
 
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DhampyrX2

Well-Known Member
#21
#21
And if not Isane, there is always Rukia, Rangiku, Soi Fon, Nanao, etc. for her to work with. :snigger:
 
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Andrew Joshua Talon

Well-Known Member
#22
#22
Indeed, it just seems there's not enough attention paid Isane, despite her being one of the hottest women in the show. She just doesn't stand out, it seems.
 
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zeebee1

Well-Known Member
#23
#23
She's practically a giant. She doesn't have much problems standing out.
 
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DhampyrX2

Well-Known Member
#24
#24
Andrew Joshua Talon said:
Indeed, it just seems there's not enough attention paid Isane, despite her being one of the hottest women in the show. She just doesn't stand out, it seems.
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Hence the reason her Taicho will be trying to set her up with her long lost nephew. Poor Isane-chan needs to get out more and have some fun the same way Ichigo needs to. :snigger:
 
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Andrew Joshua Talon

Well-Known Member
#25
#25
zeebee1 said:
She's practically a gaint. She doesn't have much problems standing out.
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She's tall, but she still ends up in the background. Possibly because, due to the culture she's in, being a tall woman might make you seem unfeminine. So she tries to make up for her height by being soft spoken.
 
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