Harry Potter Lord Raine does Partially Kissed Hero
- Thread starter Lord Raine
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Harry Potter had an epiphany.
It was really a very simple one, actually. Once he'd inflated his Aunt Marge in the first week after school let out he'd fled to the Leaky Cauldron and met Minister Fudge, then he'd been told that a very dangerous criminal was on the loose, and after him.
But they hadn't told him very much, only that he was in danger.
It was really a very simple one, actually. Once he'd inflated his Aunt Marge in the first week after school let out he'd fled to the Leaky Cauldron and met Minister Fudge, then he'd been told that a very dangerous criminal was on the loose, and after him.
But they hadn't told him very much, only that he was in danger.
While wandering Diagon Alley the next day and passing by the bookshop, the most wonderful idea had come to Harry, and he had popped in to buy a book on Sirius Black to find out more about this dangerous criminal
The power of plot compels you. . . to make ridiculous coincidences reality! I'll keep your wonderous insight in mind, so the next time aliens invade or I'm being hunted by werewolf ninjas, I can just swing by my local Blackwell's and pick up a book on how to deal with it in their Fighting Off Alien Invaders And Supernatural Assassins section.
The kind clerk had directed him to the wizarding biographies section, and there, two shelves down from all of the books on Lockhart, was a whole shelf devoted entirely to Harry...
... and his family.
... and his family.
Lionheart's bag of tricks isn't that terribly deep, is it?
Harry had learned an amazing amount, and finally understood what his best female friend found so fascinating about books. No one had ever told him so much as three words strung together about his family, but there in the bookstore all that time had been entire biographies of the Potter family line, the exploits of his famous parents
Listen to me. I am a goddamn bibliophile, and I think you're whacking off to books! Seriously, they're repositories for information, not angel kisses in horizontal origami form.
But there in those books, he'd learned that he had very much in common, personality wise, with his father, and many traits in common with his mother. On learning they had skills and specialties Harry himself wasn't pursuing, the child sent off a letter to Professor McGonagall changing his electives this coming year. He'd like to study Ancient Runes and Arithmancy, like his mother had done before him.
So much for an easy class with Ron, but he wanted to see what made his mother love those courses so much, and so it was back to Flourish and Blotts to buy the necessary textbooks, and so eager was he that he started to read all of his textbooks, so he could get a start on his coursework early.
Then, finding his past two years of slacking off with Ron had not served him well, Harry went back over the last two years of books and material, filling in holes formed by him goofing off.
He even wrote to Hermione, asking if she could mail him photocopies of her last two years of notes, and asking if she knew of a muggleborn Ravenclaw in their year they could ask for notes covering the material she had missed after having been turned to stone.
So much for an easy class with Ron, but he wanted to see what made his mother love those courses so much, and so it was back to Flourish and Blotts to buy the necessary textbooks, and so eager was he that he started to read all of his textbooks, so he could get a start on his coursework early.
Then, finding his past two years of slacking off with Ron had not served him well, Harry went back over the last two years of books and material, filling in holes formed by him goofing off.
He even wrote to Hermione, asking if she could mail him photocopies of her last two years of notes, and asking if she knew of a muggleborn Ravenclaw in their year they could ask for notes covering the material she had missed after having been turned to stone.
At least we know he'll be getting plenty of fiber in his diet this year.
Hermione wrote him right back with several books worth of thick stacks of parchment covering her two years of study, and a note that she'd ask for a reference through McGonagall about whom to get other notes from.
Damn. It's pretty hard to pull off plotholes this early in the story, but once again Lionheart, you raise the bar well beyond my wildest expectations.
After the very first gift of books, Harry found his trunk too small to fit his new collection, but this new set was larger than the trunk itself, so it was obvious that he'd have to do something before he had to pack before going back to Hogwarts. So he asked Mr. Flourish, and got directed by the friendly shopkeeper over to where he could buy a specialty one.
Looking around the wizarding luggage shop, Harry ended up purchasing four traveling bookcases instead of a larger trunk. They were full size, floor to ceiling rosewood bookcases with glass fronts to protect the books from dust and each unit had two halves that folded together like a locket. When closed it looked like a large steamer trunk, about eight feet tall and four feet on each side, but when opened it was just two bookcases joined by a hinge in the center. And the whole thing shrank down to the size of a pack of bubblegum without him having to use any magic, just activating built-in charms.
Because they were travel luggage for wizard-kind, they came with a whole slew of protective enchantments against jostling, breakage, wear or so on. They were really quite remarkable, and so useful Harry couldn't help but buy a matching desk to go with them. Those tables in the common room were too few for the amount of students needing to do work on them, and they were at the wrong height anyway.
Thinking ahead, Harry bought two plush desk chairs, one for himself and one for Hermione, because he knew the bushy haired witch wouldn't let him monopolize that big desk all on his own. In fact, he got one that had extra drawers, because he knew otherwise she'd end up taking them all.
Looking around the wizarding luggage shop, Harry ended up purchasing four traveling bookcases instead of a larger trunk. They were full size, floor to ceiling rosewood bookcases with glass fronts to protect the books from dust and each unit had two halves that folded together like a locket. When closed it looked like a large steamer trunk, about eight feet tall and four feet on each side, but when opened it was just two bookcases joined by a hinge in the center. And the whole thing shrank down to the size of a pack of bubblegum without him having to use any magic, just activating built-in charms.
Because they were travel luggage for wizard-kind, they came with a whole slew of protective enchantments against jostling, breakage, wear or so on. They were really quite remarkable, and so useful Harry couldn't help but buy a matching desk to go with them. Those tables in the common room were too few for the amount of students needing to do work on them, and they were at the wrong height anyway.
Thinking ahead, Harry bought two plush desk chairs, one for himself and one for Hermione, because he knew the bushy haired witch wouldn't let him monopolize that big desk all on his own. In fact, he got one that had extra drawers, because he knew otherwise she'd end up taking them all.
Don't get me wrong. They were still incredibly bitchy and not paying attention to what was actually being said. But still. This is pretty damn bad.
He thought about getting a chair for Ron, but decided against it, as the desk only had room to store two within itself for its compact form, and his best male friend would probably shrink at having to join them at a desk instead of those deep, plush common room sofas anyway.
Harry came out of that store with a selection of auto-notes quills and other handy stationary supplies for making his schoolwork easier that he'd never have imagined without having gone shopping in a specialty store. But, having just asked Hermione for copies of her notes, he realized just how lazy he'd been on taking his own, and seen all sorts of easy ways to rectify that there.
You're not 'rectifying' the situation. You're glossing over it by getting a magical trinket to do the job for you, as opposed to actually doing it yourself.
He'd even given the lady at the stationary store Hermione's collection of looseleaf notes, and she'd bound them in covers like their own books. Harry got two sets made, one for himself, and one as a gift for Hermione, thinking she'd appreciate that.
Once again, Ron wouldn't care, so no point bothering. He'd just end up losing his set, if they got him one, and borrowing theirs anyway.
Once again, Ron wouldn't care, so no point bothering. He'd just end up losing his set, if they got him one, and borrowing theirs anyway.
Back at the Cauldron that night, Harry spilled an open bottle of ink over his pants as he was putting all of this away. Thinking at first that it was a small loss, as they were Dudley's old trousers, he'd been brought up short by the magic mirror on the wall scolding him for looking scruffy all the time.
The next morning, the boy went shopping at Gladrags. He already had school robes, so Madam Malkins was out as unnecessary, but ordinary everyday stuff to wear when he wasn't in his school robes was desperately needed.
Then it was back to the luggage shop to purchase a stand alone closet (called a wardrobe) to hold his new attire in.
Harry had just read that morning that his mother had been a genius prodigy at Potions. And, determined not to let Snape deprive him of his family's legacy, Harry went to the apothecary and purchased a complete set of masters level equipment. Then, seeing as how there was no place to set all that up at the Cauldron, it was back to the luggage shop to buy a folding set of cabinets, like his bookcases, and another desk to put it on.
They had a Portable Potions Lab set that came with its own model of desk and two counters, all with underslung cabinets, specimen storage and tool drawers. That set came with features like splash guards and so on, that had Harry wishing he'd known about those before starting Hogwarts, as it would have saved him no end of problems (and sabotage from Slytherins).
Seeing the boy juggle so much in his arms, and with overstuffed pockets, the salesman at the luggage store sent him on to a related business, where they sold Safari garb, and the owner there ignored all of the child's requests and outfitted Harry with everything, the full kit and kabootle, everything from pith helmet and light beige travel outfits with lots of pockets, like you'd see in old pictures of British explorers in the 19th century, to ever-expanding weightless bags, belts whose pouches would store and organize a tremendous amount of safari gear, tools for taking specimens, and everything the old gentry might need out in the wild - down to and including beads charmed to be attractive to natives in case you'd like to trade for their services as guides or bearers or whatever.
The next morning, the boy went shopping at Gladrags. He already had school robes, so Madam Malkins was out as unnecessary, but ordinary everyday stuff to wear when he wasn't in his school robes was desperately needed.
Then it was back to the luggage shop to purchase a stand alone closet (called a wardrobe) to hold his new attire in.
Harry had just read that morning that his mother had been a genius prodigy at Potions. And, determined not to let Snape deprive him of his family's legacy, Harry went to the apothecary and purchased a complete set of masters level equipment. Then, seeing as how there was no place to set all that up at the Cauldron, it was back to the luggage shop to buy a folding set of cabinets, like his bookcases, and another desk to put it on.
They had a Portable Potions Lab set that came with its own model of desk and two counters, all with underslung cabinets, specimen storage and tool drawers. That set came with features like splash guards and so on, that had Harry wishing he'd known about those before starting Hogwarts, as it would have saved him no end of problems (and sabotage from Slytherins).
Seeing the boy juggle so much in his arms, and with overstuffed pockets, the salesman at the luggage store sent him on to a related business, where they sold Safari garb, and the owner there ignored all of the child's requests and outfitted Harry with everything, the full kit and kabootle, everything from pith helmet and light beige travel outfits with lots of pockets, like you'd see in old pictures of British explorers in the 19th century, to ever-expanding weightless bags, belts whose pouches would store and organize a tremendous amount of safari gear, tools for taking specimens, and everything the old gentry might need out in the wild - down to and including beads charmed to be attractive to natives in case you'd like to trade for their services as guides or bearers or whatever.
Second of all, how does that actually solve his problem? It just makes him look goddamn ridiculous.
Thirdly, you mean to tell me you carry a shop full of enchanted shrinking furniture but don't have expanded shopping bags to hand out to customers?
Then it was back to the apothecary to pick up extra self-stirring rods and a set of silver cauldrons, as his new portable lab promised him the ability to brew a dozen potions simultaneously, if he had the gear to do it.
I could understand the setup existing, as I'm sure the Ministry and groups like the Unspeakables and the Aurors have to mass-produce large quantities of specific useful potions. It's to be expected in their line of work. But Harry is a goddamn student. Who is piss-poor at Potions. What the hell does he need that sort of functionality for?!
And while we're talking functionality, solid silver cauldrons? Okay, now you're just showing off. That's completely unnecessary. Also, silver is traditionally a magical metal with fey-like properties, which suggests that making a cauldron out of it is probably a really bad idea. That's the perfect way to accidentally turn a harmless potion into hellfire napalm that eats you alive in my book.
Again, I have to give some points out for a pretty neat idea.
But I've got to take them back again for the execution. The idea of there existing some extremely expensive and difficult language charm sealed in hard sweet form that allows you to speak a language as long as you suck the sweet is a completely Rowling idea.
The problem, though, the obvious problem, is that this is permanent. Temporary is cool, creative, and interesting. Permanent is me wondering why in the hell people don't throw down the money for these things all the damn time. On the one hand, not everybody is rich like Harry. On the other hand, we're talking seven galleons to perfectly learn a language like a native speaker FOREVER.
Seven galleons is 35 Pounds, 50 Euros, or 70 US Dollars. To put that into perspective, the most highly accredited and acclaimed language teaching systems in the world cost two-thirds of that price, and can make you a passable speaker in about nine months.
Or you can pay a 1/3 markup, and read, write, and speak it perfectly forever like you were born into it in the amount of time it takes you to finish off a hard candy.
Not only is that completely and utterly broken in nearly every way I can imagine, but it raises the serious question as to why such a traditionalist wealthy elitist culture like the wizarding world hasn't insisted on the language being something suitably arcane and traditional, like Latin, when it's obvious that "everyone who matters" could be speaking it with perfect fluency in about two hours.
Hermione was so pleased with him and their discussions that she'd already gotten her parents to extend an invitation for Harry to join them over the Christmas holiday. They were planning to spend the vacation in France, and Hermione had pointed him to a nifty magic device Harry had never heard of before: Language Lozenges.
You took it like a cough drop, only instead of soothing throats it taught a language, just like you'd been born to speak it. They cost only a handful of galleons (no more than seven apiece), and it took about a week to absorb the knowledge properly, better if you used it during that period. But it was best not to take more than one at a time, as it got confusing if you mixed them.
You took it like a cough drop, only instead of soothing throats it taught a language, just like you'd been born to speak it. They cost only a handful of galleons (no more than seven apiece), and it took about a week to absorb the knowledge properly, better if you used it during that period. But it was best not to take more than one at a time, as it got confusing if you mixed them.
The problem, though, the obvious problem, is that this is permanent. Temporary is cool, creative, and interesting. Permanent is me wondering why in the hell people don't throw down the money for these things all the damn time. On the one hand, not everybody is rich like Harry. On the other hand, we're talking seven galleons to perfectly learn a language like a native speaker FOREVER.
Seven galleons is 35 Pounds, 50 Euros, or 70 US Dollars. To put that into perspective, the most highly accredited and acclaimed language teaching systems in the world cost two-thirds of that price, and can make you a passable speaker in about nine months.
Or you can pay a 1/3 markup, and read, write, and speak it perfectly forever like you were born into it in the amount of time it takes you to finish off a hard candy.
Not only is that completely and utterly broken in nearly every way I can imagine, but it raises the serious question as to why such a traditionalist wealthy elitist culture like the wizarding world hasn't insisted on the language being something suitably arcane and traditional, like Latin, when it's obvious that "everyone who matters" could be speaking it with perfect fluency in about two hours.
Takerial said:
So you're wanting to do one of his stories that is pretty much CED, for Harry Potter, and worse?
Besides, I'm in an ass-kicking mood at the moment, which is only slightly tempered by the fact that I seriously need to get some sleep. I intend to finish off chapter one, then go to bed.
Lord Raine said:
Harry Potter had an epiphany.
It was really a very simple one, actually. Once he'd inflated his Aunt Marge in the first week after school let out he'd fled to the Leaky Cauldron and met Minister Fudge, then he'd been told that a very dangerous criminal was on the loose, and after him.
But they hadn't told him very much, only that he was in danger.
It was really a very simple one, actually. Once he'd inflated his Aunt Marge in the first week after school let out he'd fled to the Leaky Cauldron and met Minister Fudge, then he'd been told that a very dangerous criminal was on the loose, and after him.
But they hadn't told him very much, only that he was in danger.
Harry's thirteen in third year? I thought it was thirteen when he started?
Well, that makes it even worse, then.
KISS is unknown to you, isn't it? If this was the whole damn point of all this, then you could have just had Harry get on the train early because Mr. Weasley decided to intervene so his wife didn't make them late.
But no. That would have been too easy.
Well, that makes it even worse, then.
The central idea for this change was, "What if Harry had not been in the same compartment as Professor Lupin?" which led to, "Well, if they weren't taking the last compartment on the train then they'd not have had to share with a scruffy old man who looked more than a bit disreputable," and then, "Well, they DID get there early, but Molly insisted on mothering them until the train practically left without them."
So that led to the question of, "So what if Harry excused himself early?" and then had to be asked, "Well, why would he do that?" and so I postulated, "Well, what if he wanted to read a book?" but that didn't stand up on its own, and needed some real shoring up, and that led naturally to, "What could make him a bookworm?" and the answer to that was, "How about a book on that deadly criminal he knows is after him, but that no one will tell him about? That would certainly be motivational enough."
That led to the realization, "Hey, wasn't that the summer he spent in Diagon Alley?" And then I thought, "I can do this."
So that led to the question of, "So what if Harry excused himself early?" and then had to be asked, "Well, why would he do that?" and so I postulated, "Well, what if he wanted to read a book?" but that didn't stand up on its own, and needed some real shoring up, and that led naturally to, "What could make him a bookworm?" and the answer to that was, "How about a book on that deadly criminal he knows is after him, but that no one will tell him about? That would certainly be motivational enough."
That led to the realization, "Hey, wasn't that the summer he spent in Diagon Alley?" And then I thought, "I can do this."
But no. That would have been too easy.
Lord Raine said:
Harry's thirteen in third year? I thought it was thirteen when he started?
Well, that makes it even worse, then.
KISS is unknown to you, isn't it? If this was the whole damn point of all this, then you could have just had Harry get on the train early because Mr. Weasley decided to intervene so his wife didn't make them late.
But no. That would have been too easy.
Well, that makes it even worse, then.
The central idea for this change was, "What if Harry had not been in the same compartment as Professor Lupin?" which led to, "Well, if they weren't taking the last compartment on the train then they'd not have had to share with a scruffy old man who looked more than a bit disreputable," and then, "Well, they DID get there early, but Molly insisted on mothering them until the train practically left without them."
So that led to the question of, "So what if Harry excused himself early?" and then had to be asked, "Well, why would he do that?" and so I postulated, "Well, what if he wanted to read a book?" but that didn't stand up on its own, and needed some real shoring up, and that led naturally to, "What could make him a bookworm?" and the answer to that was, "How about a book on that deadly criminal he knows is after him, but that no one will tell him about? That would certainly be motivational enough."
That led to the realization, "Hey, wasn't that the summer he spent in Diagon Alley?" And then I thought, "I can do this."
So that led to the question of, "So what if Harry excused himself early?" and then had to be asked, "Well, why would he do that?" and so I postulated, "Well, what if he wanted to read a book?" but that didn't stand up on its own, and needed some real shoring up, and that led naturally to, "What could make him a bookworm?" and the answer to that was, "How about a book on that deadly criminal he knows is after him, but that no one will tell him about? That would certainly be motivational enough."
That led to the realization, "Hey, wasn't that the summer he spent in Diagon Alley?" And then I thought, "I can do this."
But no. That would have been too easy.
Lord Raine said:
Harry Potter had an epiphany.
It was really a very simple one, actually. Once he'd inflated his Aunt Marge in the first week after school let out he'd fled to the Leaky Cauldron and met Minister Fudge, then he'd been told that a very dangerous criminal was on the loose, and after him.
But they hadn't told him very much, only that he was in danger.
It was really a very simple one, actually. Once he'd inflated his Aunt Marge in the first week after school let out he'd fled to the Leaky Cauldron and met Minister Fudge, then he'd been told that a very dangerous criminal was on the loose, and after him.
But they hadn't told him very much, only that he was in danger.
Lord Raine said:
Harry's thirteen in third year? I thought it was thirteen when he started?
Well, that makes it even worse, then.
KISS is unknown to you, isn't it? If this was the whole damn point of all this, then you could have just had Harry get on the train early because Mr. Weasley decided to intervene so his wife didn't make them late.
But no. That would have been too easy.
Well, that makes it even worse, then.
The central idea for this change was, "What if Harry had not been in the same compartment as Professor Lupin?" which led to, "Well, if they weren't taking the last compartment on the train then they'd not have had to share with a scruffy old man who looked more than a bit disreputable," and then, "Well, they DID get there early, but Molly insisted on mothering them until the train practically left without them."
So that led to the question of, "So what if Harry excused himself early?" and then had to be asked, "Well, why would he do that?" and so I postulated, "Well, what if he wanted to read a book?" but that didn't stand up on its own, and needed some real shoring up, and that led naturally to, "What could make him a bookworm?" and the answer to that was, "How about a book on that deadly criminal he knows is after him, but that no one will tell him about? That would certainly be motivational enough."
That led to the realization, "Hey, wasn't that the summer he spent in Diagon Alley?" And then I thought, "I can do this."
So that led to the question of, "So what if Harry excused himself early?" and then had to be asked, "Well, why would he do that?" and so I postulated, "Well, what if he wanted to read a book?" but that didn't stand up on its own, and needed some real shoring up, and that led naturally to, "What could make him a bookworm?" and the answer to that was, "How about a book on that deadly criminal he knows is after him, but that no one will tell him about? That would certainly be motivational enough."
That led to the realization, "Hey, wasn't that the summer he spent in Diagon Alley?" And then I thought, "I can do this."
But no. That would have been too easy.
Lord Raine said:
Then it was back to the apothecary to pick up extra self-stirring rods and a set of silver cauldrons, as his new portable lab promised him the ability to brew a dozen potions simultaneously, if he had the gear to do it.
I could understand the setup existing, as I'm sure the Ministry and groups like the Unspeakables and the Aurors have to mass-produce large quantities of specific useful potions. It's to be expected in their line of work. But Harry is a goddamn student. Who is piss-poor at Potions. What the hell does he need that sort of functionality for?!
And while we're talking functionality, solid silver cauldrons? Okay, now you're just showing off. That's completely unnecessary. Also, silver is traditionally a magical metal with fey-like properties, which suggests that making a cauldron out of it is probably a really bad idea. That's the perfect way to accidentally turn a harmless potion into hellfire napalm that eats you alive in my book.