Ranma ½ Love at First Bite
- Thread starter ToastedPine
- Start date
please say its the latter.
Remember, focus on Kasumi/Ranma cooking shenanigans, not references to other mangas that the vast majority of readers won't get anyway! (because who outside Japan even fucking read Yakitate! Japan?? I only know what it is from Kyon: Big Damn Hero)
In actual review, I definitely like what's shown so far. Ranma is making clear his choice here, no annoying 'lol lets totes engage him to Akane for some reason that Genma never explains'. Now I want to see him sweep her up, carry her to the kitchen, and get to work.
Then after a few days have Ryouga burst down the door to prove his cooking skills in a rematch against Ranma, who had years prior ruined Ryouga's social life by mocking him for his lack of cooking ability (something that Ranma mocked him over because he had to rely on the cafeteria bread, and Ryouga took wayy too harshly because this is Ranma 1/2 and everyone over-reacts to everything).
Who then proceeds to get lost trying to find the egg beater.
Remember, focus on Kasumi/Ranma cooking shenanigans, not references to other mangas that the vast majority of readers won't get anyway! (because who outside Japan even fucking read Yakitate! Japan?? I only know what it is from Kyon: Big Damn Hero)
In actual review, I definitely like what's shown so far. Ranma is making clear his choice here, no annoying 'lol lets totes engage him to Akane for some reason that Genma never explains'. Now I want to see him sweep her up, carry her to the kitchen, and get to work.
Then after a few days have Ryouga burst down the door to prove his cooking skills in a rematch against Ranma, who had years prior ruined Ryouga's social life by mocking him for his lack of cooking ability (something that Ranma mocked him over because he had to rely on the cafeteria bread, and Ryouga took wayy too harshly because this is Ranma 1/2 and everyone over-reacts to everything).
Who then proceeds to get lost trying to find the egg beater.
I'm a little confused. You didn't like the one Yakitate reference I used? But I need it ;_;
That's the end of chapter one.
===========
Love at First Bite Chapter 2
By
ToastedPine
123123
æIÆve found her!Æ The thought entered him, filled him, and marinated his every cell in spicy jubilation.
As he watched the timid girlÆs shocked expression, he felt a tiny pang of guilt at performing the technique on her the way he had. On the other hand, she was right there! How could he resist sampling her to the fullest extent of his ability? Food was meant to be eaten, and talent appreciated.
Ranma, self-proclaimed gourmet of culinary skill, tried to adjust so that his voice was the most soothing possible, ôMy nameÆs Ranma, whatÆs yours?ö
ôKasumi,ö she blurted out, and then covered her mouth with her hand, then realized where the hand had been, and hurriedly held the offending limb as far from her as possible.
An overwhelming need to crawl into a hole struck him when he realized the implication of her actions, but he fought it down. This was an opportunity that wouldnÆt come in another million years.
For a wandering martial artist, these meetings were gossamer strands of spun sugar, plentiful yet evanescent, easily disappearing beneath the summer rains. Since as far back as he could remember, he and his father were always moving, never stopping anywhere for long enough to lay down roots. Ranma had met many people during his travels-- a lot of them with homes and families. There seemed to be a correlation between their ability and how much they took their lives for granted. For his art the pigtailed boy would sacrifice much.
It was lonely, but he had been fine up until now. The woman in front of him was perhaps different somehow. Of the hundreds of names and faces heÆd encountered, and the various places heÆd seen, he found in her something special. For the first time he felt as though heÆd met a potential peer, and with herà the possibility of a home.
ôKasumi,ö he sounded it out, rolling it around his tongue like a strawberry drop. Steeling his nerves, he took a long breath then called, ôMr. Tendo!ö
The man, who had been prone on the floor shedding buckets of tears from being at the receiving end of his youngest daughterÆs violence, was suddenly kneeling with back ramrod straight. ôY-yes, Ranma!ö
A paralyzing terror struck when he realized that he hadnÆt planned this far in advance. In his addled state, he arbitrarily decided that it was a good idea to say something to break the tension. His mind groped frantically for something to fulfill his intent, and bubbles of SounÆs words floated up from his subconscious. What was that about picking one of his daughters? An engagement?!
HeÆd only ever been friends with a handful of girls. How the heck was he supposed to jump from all the way to a fiancÚe? He looked at Kasumi once more. She was cute even when she was frazzled, and more importantly unattached. How long would things stay that way? No, Ranma Saotome would not hesitate. He grinned internally. If the early bird got the worm, then he fully intended to snap her up. Martialing his bravado, he said the first words that came to mind.
ôI choose this one.ö
Ironically, those words did nothing to break the tension.
123123
æThis one?Æ Those words hit like a spray of cold water. KasumiÆs right eye twitched. For a split second, she had seen his neck and imagined a dirty rag. Maybe if she wrung him out, sheÆd be able to extract some manners.
Unfortunately, that wouldnÆt be proper. The weight in her other hand caught her attention, a pitcher of barley tea.
æHe does look like he needs to cool off, and it would be impolite not to return the favoràÆ
ôNow why ever did I do that?ö Kasumi said aloud, blinking with wide innocent eyes. The sound of the tea as it hit the boyÆs face had been quite satisfying.
After the second or third blink, the blinking suddenly stopped, and her mouth went dry.
ôàoh my.ö
That's the end of chapter one.
===========
Love at First Bite Chapter 2
By
ToastedPine
123123
æIÆve found her!Æ The thought entered him, filled him, and marinated his every cell in spicy jubilation.
As he watched the timid girlÆs shocked expression, he felt a tiny pang of guilt at performing the technique on her the way he had. On the other hand, she was right there! How could he resist sampling her to the fullest extent of his ability? Food was meant to be eaten, and talent appreciated.
Ranma, self-proclaimed gourmet of culinary skill, tried to adjust so that his voice was the most soothing possible, ôMy nameÆs Ranma, whatÆs yours?ö
ôKasumi,ö she blurted out, and then covered her mouth with her hand, then realized where the hand had been, and hurriedly held the offending limb as far from her as possible.
An overwhelming need to crawl into a hole struck him when he realized the implication of her actions, but he fought it down. This was an opportunity that wouldnÆt come in another million years.
For a wandering martial artist, these meetings were gossamer strands of spun sugar, plentiful yet evanescent, easily disappearing beneath the summer rains. Since as far back as he could remember, he and his father were always moving, never stopping anywhere for long enough to lay down roots. Ranma had met many people during his travels-- a lot of them with homes and families. There seemed to be a correlation between their ability and how much they took their lives for granted. For his art the pigtailed boy would sacrifice much.
It was lonely, but he had been fine up until now. The woman in front of him was perhaps different somehow. Of the hundreds of names and faces heÆd encountered, and the various places heÆd seen, he found in her something special. For the first time he felt as though heÆd met a potential peer, and with herà the possibility of a home.
ôKasumi,ö he sounded it out, rolling it around his tongue like a strawberry drop. Steeling his nerves, he took a long breath then called, ôMr. Tendo!ö
The man, who had been prone on the floor shedding buckets of tears from being at the receiving end of his youngest daughterÆs violence, was suddenly kneeling with back ramrod straight. ôY-yes, Ranma!ö
A paralyzing terror struck when he realized that he hadnÆt planned this far in advance. In his addled state, he arbitrarily decided that it was a good idea to say something to break the tension. His mind groped frantically for something to fulfill his intent, and bubbles of SounÆs words floated up from his subconscious. What was that about picking one of his daughters? An engagement?!
HeÆd only ever been friends with a handful of girls. How the heck was he supposed to jump from all the way to a fiancÚe? He looked at Kasumi once more. She was cute even when she was frazzled, and more importantly unattached. How long would things stay that way? No, Ranma Saotome would not hesitate. He grinned internally. If the early bird got the worm, then he fully intended to snap her up. Martialing his bravado, he said the first words that came to mind.
ôI choose this one.ö
Ironically, those words did nothing to break the tension.
123123
æThis one?Æ Those words hit like a spray of cold water. KasumiÆs right eye twitched. For a split second, she had seen his neck and imagined a dirty rag. Maybe if she wrung him out, sheÆd be able to extract some manners.
Unfortunately, that wouldnÆt be proper. The weight in her other hand caught her attention, a pitcher of barley tea.
æHe does look like he needs to cool off, and it would be impolite not to return the favoràÆ
ôNow why ever did I do that?ö Kasumi said aloud, blinking with wide innocent eyes. The sound of the tea as it hit the boyÆs face had been quite satisfying.
After the second or third blink, the blinking suddenly stopped, and her mouth went dry.
ôàoh my.ö
Dude, i didn't even notice a Yakitate! Japan reference being used, which basically makes my point- It's all fine and dandy alluding to other cooking/baking manga, but all too often people in these forums love to call for making shit crossover at the drop of the hat. I rather dislike this, and I was trying to say "Don't insert characters from other mangas that have a cooking premise, because that will only hurt your story".
Alluding to another manga is all fine and dandy, but actually bringing in characters/techniques/whathaveyou? That's not good : (
Also, love the snippet!
Alluding to another manga is all fine and dandy, but actually bringing in characters/techniques/whathaveyou? That's not good : (
Also, love the snippet!
I'll answer the other comments with a snippet. But first...
=================
Kasumi wasnÆt, by her very nature, a person of ædeviant interestsÆ.
However, should she hypothetically be of the type that knew of the such works as Legend of the Overfiend, sheÆd be very hard pressed to deny the resemblance of some of its cast to the giant undulating mass before her.
She wanted to turn away, but couldnÆt. The eye suspended in its half-fleshy, half-gelatinous body roamed over every inch of her body, and then the lipless mouth formed into a lascivious grin. The blood drained from KasumiÆs face when she saw some part of the former pigtailed boy engorge and then slide slowly towards her.
æWell,Æ she thought with a shudder and some trepidation. æAt least my mouth wonÆt be dry anymoreàÆ
=================
Kasumi wasnÆt, by her very nature, a person of ædeviant interestsÆ.
However, should she hypothetically be of the type that knew of the such works as Legend of the Overfiend, sheÆd be very hard pressed to deny the resemblance of some of its cast to the giant undulating mass before her.
She wanted to turn away, but couldnÆt. The eye suspended in its half-fleshy, half-gelatinous body roamed over every inch of her body, and then the lipless mouth formed into a lascivious grin. The blood drained from KasumiÆs face when she saw some part of the former pigtailed boy engorge and then slide slowly towards her.
æWell,Æ she thought with a shudder and some trepidation. æAt least my mouth wonÆt be dry anymoreàÆ
I'm not sure if the other responses were serious or ironic.
Also added a paragraph to the previous scene just to put context on Ranma's "I choose this one" statement.
Here's the real next scene. I tried to give it the ol' TP twist.
========
Inner-Nabiki, the Nabiki that largely believed the world was sane and logical, took one long look at reality as it stood and curled up into a ball. Really, she couldnÆt blame it. This wasnÆt something you ran into every day. One moment, there was Ranma, and the nextà.
The white cotton tunic formerly worn by the pigtailed food vendor had gone from well-fitted to loose in an instant. Nabiki was trying hard to make sense of how the body beneath shrank down and went from sculpted to smooth. æMaybe he knows some magic tricks for his food vending act,Æ she thought, not completely buying the explanation.
ôNihao!ö The redheaded girl who resembled Ranma called out with a hand raised in greeting before owlishly surveying the room.
Genma was already up on one knee, ôBoy, what do you think youÆre--ö
ôBun shong mao, geh wo an jing!ö The redhead was a blur of motion, dashing through the intervening space like a hummingbird. A silky metallic sound emanated from the sheath as she drew the giant blade off her back, and batted the bald martial artist towards the garden wall, where his head met the stone with a hard *crack* before splashing into the koi pond.
The pigtailed girl smiled at Nabiki before she slipped a book into her hand.
Looking down, she saw that it was a Chinese to Japanese dictionary. Not having any better course of action, she played along.
ôStupid panda, give me silence,ö she translated.
The redhead winked at her, and Nabiki found a smile forming at her lips as the girl turned to Kasumi. The middle Tendo daughter watched in amazement as the perky young girl let one shoulder of the tunic slip, bearing healthy porcelain skin, and transformed herself into a hot little vixen.
"Wo de shiao tao hua," said the girl huskily as she slunk towards Kasumi, who was looking like a frightened woodland creature.
ôMy little peach blossom,ö Nabiki followed.
The girl put her hands on KasumiÆs cheek. ôWo ai ni.ö
ôI love you.ö
Kasumi turned her head from one direction to another in an attempt to find an escape route, but her efforts were futile. ôUmà miss? I appreciate your feelingùthat is, but youÆre aùand I donÆt--ö Unable to deal with the shock, the eldest TendoÆs legs gave out and her back slid against the wall.
The redhead looked down at Kasumi with a smoldering gaze before crooked grin appeared ôPfft, Hahahahahaha!ö
Nabiki became puzzled too until the girl reached into her tunic and pulled out a thermos. A quick pour later, and Ranma was back to being male again.
ôAh, priceless.ö He chuckled a little more, before holding out a hand to Kasumi.
ôYou really shouldnÆt start a prank war you canÆt win,ö he said, holding out a hand to NabikiÆs stunned elder sister. ôLetÆs all get back to the table and IÆll explain. ItÆll be a little hard to believe, but please listen until IÆm done.ö
ôW-what are you?ö Nabiki heard Kasumi ask dumbfoundedly.
The pigtailed boy winced, but smiled despite the sting. ôI deserved that. My name is Ranma Saotome. Sorry about this.ö
Also added a paragraph to the previous scene just to put context on Ranma's "I choose this one" statement.
Here's the real next scene. I tried to give it the ol' TP twist.
========
Inner-Nabiki, the Nabiki that largely believed the world was sane and logical, took one long look at reality as it stood and curled up into a ball. Really, she couldnÆt blame it. This wasnÆt something you ran into every day. One moment, there was Ranma, and the nextà.
The white cotton tunic formerly worn by the pigtailed food vendor had gone from well-fitted to loose in an instant. Nabiki was trying hard to make sense of how the body beneath shrank down and went from sculpted to smooth. æMaybe he knows some magic tricks for his food vending act,Æ she thought, not completely buying the explanation.
ôNihao!ö The redheaded girl who resembled Ranma called out with a hand raised in greeting before owlishly surveying the room.
Genma was already up on one knee, ôBoy, what do you think youÆre--ö
ôBun shong mao, geh wo an jing!ö The redhead was a blur of motion, dashing through the intervening space like a hummingbird. A silky metallic sound emanated from the sheath as she drew the giant blade off her back, and batted the bald martial artist towards the garden wall, where his head met the stone with a hard *crack* before splashing into the koi pond.
The pigtailed girl smiled at Nabiki before she slipped a book into her hand.
Looking down, she saw that it was a Chinese to Japanese dictionary. Not having any better course of action, she played along.
ôStupid panda, give me silence,ö she translated.
The redhead winked at her, and Nabiki found a smile forming at her lips as the girl turned to Kasumi. The middle Tendo daughter watched in amazement as the perky young girl let one shoulder of the tunic slip, bearing healthy porcelain skin, and transformed herself into a hot little vixen.
"Wo de shiao tao hua," said the girl huskily as she slunk towards Kasumi, who was looking like a frightened woodland creature.
ôMy little peach blossom,ö Nabiki followed.
The girl put her hands on KasumiÆs cheek. ôWo ai ni.ö
ôI love you.ö
Kasumi turned her head from one direction to another in an attempt to find an escape route, but her efforts were futile. ôUmà miss? I appreciate your feelingùthat is, but youÆre aùand I donÆt--ö Unable to deal with the shock, the eldest TendoÆs legs gave out and her back slid against the wall.
The redhead looked down at Kasumi with a smoldering gaze before crooked grin appeared ôPfft, Hahahahahaha!ö
Nabiki became puzzled too until the girl reached into her tunic and pulled out a thermos. A quick pour later, and Ranma was back to being male again.
ôAh, priceless.ö He chuckled a little more, before holding out a hand to Kasumi.
ôYou really shouldnÆt start a prank war you canÆt win,ö he said, holding out a hand to NabikiÆs stunned elder sister. ôLetÆs all get back to the table and IÆll explain. ItÆll be a little hard to believe, but please listen until IÆm done.ö
ôW-what are you?ö Nabiki heard Kasumi ask dumbfoundedly.
The pigtailed boy winced, but smiled despite the sting. ôI deserved that. My name is Ranma Saotome. Sorry about this.ö
Nicely done. Ranma's a lot more comfortable in a female body here, it will make for some rather interesting dynamics with the other characters. I'm looking forward to it.
Is Shampoo going to be around at all? From Ranma's antics, I'm guessing he at least spent some time with her, presumably to learn their cooking, but the whole Kiss of Death/Marriage thing seems unlikely to have happened, prompted as it was by the Saotome's stomachs.
Is Shampoo going to be around at all? From Ranma's antics, I'm guessing he at least spent some time with her, presumably to learn their cooking, but the whole Kiss of Death/Marriage thing seems unlikely to have happened, prompted as it was by the Saotome's stomachs.
