Lucky Dime

Kayeich

Well-Known Member
#1
"Caw! Caw!"

The raven cried out, flapping its wings lightly as it landed on the window sill. It peered through the glass, observing inside the building's apparently empty room. Its golden eyes hovered over the large vault door to the left, various portraits on the wall, a desk littered with papers...and narrowed as they rested upon a marble pedestal.

Atop the pedestal rested a glass dome, within which rested a small green pillow. But the pillow itself wasn't what was of interest to the raven. In fact, it was the coin resting atop the pillow, a dime.

An 1875 US dime, if you wanted to be more specific.

It wasn't exactly shiny though, so perhaps it might be odd for the raven to be so fascinated by the coin, when there were other things in the room much shinier. But then, this was no ordinary raven. It was the familiar of a powerful enchantress, one Magica De Spell. Well, technically the raven was actually her brother Poe under a powerful spell, but for the most part, Poe served the role of Magica's familiar.

Magica was a woman to be wary of, for nothing stood in her way for long, and whatever she coveted soon ended in her hands. If not thanks to her charms, then her powerful enchantments could take care of things.

Of course, ever since she sought out this particular coin, she seemed plagued with nothing but failure. Scrooge McDuck seemed immune to her charms, slippery and wily around her spells, and time after time, the coin remained in his possession, making Magica covet it all the more.

After all, it was the first coin owned by the richest duck in all the world! Certainly, it must have strong magical power within it. Why with it, Magica believed all the world's riches would become hers... If only she could rip it from her blasted foe's hands.

Today presented an interesting opportunity though, as McDuck's nephew Donald was returning from the navy, having earned some time off, resulting in a rare chance for all of the McDuck family to spend together...and leaving the coin unguarded for pilfering.

While Magica stalked the family to the docks, keeping an eye on them, Poe was tasked with grabbing the coin.

Carefully, Poe raised one of its legs and grasped the window's latch, quietly beginning to open the window.

BEEEEEP! BEEEEP! BEEEEEEP! BEEEEEEP!

The raven briefly locked up in shock, not having expected the blaring alarms, but recovered and giving up the idea of subtlety, flapped its wings strongly before diving towards the glass case. It was soon knocked to the floor, shattering under Poe's eye, as the raven's claws latched onto the coin.

"What's all that racket? Nobody should be in here!" a voice called out as they slammed open the door to the office, and slid into the room, looking for the perpertrator.

Poe noted that it was McDuck's accountant, uh...Fenton? Well, who cared, the important thing was that it wasn't the bodyguard, Gizmo Duck, and was in fact quite harmless.

"Caw! Caw!" the raven uttered as it began flapping its wings again, ready to make its escape. The accountant gasped and looked horrified as he saw the mess on the floor, and at the raven, his eyes quickly latching onto what it held.

"Oh no, Mr. McDuck is going to kill me..." Fenton whimpered as he rushed at the raven, flailing his arms wildly as he attempted to catch hold of the ruddy bird, but it effortlessly began to swerve and glide around the duck and mkaing its way to the window, at which point it would be free. Not like the account would be able to fly!

"Caw!" Poe cried out once more as it made its way out the window, leaving a cursing Fenton Crackshell behind it.

So many curses on that one's mouth! the raven thought.

"Blathering BLATHERSKITE!"

Ducks. They say the weirdest things when cursing, the familiar thought as it made the impression of shaking its head.

The thought was cut short though, as a beam of power flew right past it, singing some of its wings.

"Halt, fowl thief! Return the coin and you won't be harmed!" a figure said behind Poe, holding a smoking cannon on his arm pointed straight into its beaks, the mechanized armor bodyguard floating in the air, in a pose while giving his speech. Probably would have looked more impressive if his helmet didn't have a pair of rotating helicopter blades coming out of the top, looking like an oversized beanie cap.

"Caw! Caw!" Poe pointed at its singed feathers.

"Alright, you won't be harmed further, bird! That was a warning shot!" the flustered hero replied.

The raven's own response was to dive towards the ground, the coin held tightly in its claws still. "Caw!"

"Have it your way, bird!" Gizmo Duck exclaimed as the twirling blades vanished back into the helmet, as did the wheel that made his armor's legs, replaced instead by a booster rocket firing him at high speeds towards the ground.

***

"Uncle Donald! Uncle Donald! Uncle Donald!" three boys screamed as they rushed towards duck coming down the boat's ramp, and tackling him, his suitcase and white cap flying off as the duck screamed in surprise and fell to the floor, three boys sitting atop his chest.

"Boys, get off my chest, you're too big for that now..." Donald wheezed out in his scratchy but familiar voice, but was ignored as the three boys leaned down to hug him.

A voice coughed from further down the ramp. "Huey, Dewie, Louie, mah nephew's right, let him get up," the smiling old duck ordered as he leaned into his cane. "How are you, nephew?"

"Heh...I'm, I'm doing good, Uncle Scrooge. You?" Donad replied, as he stood up, shaking the dust off his uniform, though he did not look at his uncle in the eye. While his uncle had mellowed out over the years, Donald and Scrooge still had something of an awkward relationship between them.

"I'm doing alright as well, nephew. Still the richest duck in the world," Scrooge answered with a grin as he motioned for his butler to pick up Donald's suitcase. "Although Glomgold and Rockerduck still like to argue otherwise, the blowhards."

"Yeah, well, they don't have a lucky coin, now do they?" Donald stated while rolling his eyes, making Scrooge scowl. "I know, I know, it's not a lucky coin and you earned every penny you have through hard work."

"Aye, you'd best remember that!" the elder duck punctuated, slapping his cane into the ground. "First dime I ever earned in the streets of Glasgow, but I was still poor for many a years after before I made my fortune here in the States."

An explosion rang out as a giant...katamari, a ball of beings all duking it out and rolling around the scene jumped in.

"...is that Gizmo Duck?" Huey pointed out the armored form within the rolling form, launching a punch at the face of one of the Beagle Boys, leaving a purpling bruise on his face. "Ooooh, that'll leave a mark."

"What did that idiot get himself into now..." Scrooge muttered as his nephew and grand-nephews gaped at the fight scene.

"Caw!" a raven cried out as a nearby female shouted "Poe, you idiot!" before a coin began bouncing along the dock, the female duck revealing herself as she chased after the coin, only to find it stopped under Scrooge's webbed foot.

"So...Magica. This mess is your doing, is it?"

"Curse you, Scrooge! I'll have your number one dime yet! Just you wait!" the enchantress cursed at Scrooge before vanishing in a cloud of smoke.

Scrooge leaned down and picked up the coin, flipping it up in the air, before catching it and dropping it in a pocket. Donald looked bemused. "So it's not a lucky coin, eh, Uncle?"

"...Aye. It's not."

Clearing his throat and ignoring his bemused nephew, Scrooge moved towards the armored form of Gizmo Duck, who was dusting off his hands as he stared at his handywork, a bunch of groaning Beagle Boys in a pile, only to look quite frightened as Scrooge approached him.

"Mr. McDuck! I can explain everything..." he tried to defend himself.

"I'll bet."
 

Halibel Lecter

Well-Known Member
#2
Flow- 18. You definitely had a plot for this, and it flows from beginning to end very nicely. There wasn't a lot of jarring between one scene or another. This has a very smooth flow, correctly balanced down to the ion.

Opinion-20. You wrote Duck Tales. And you wrote it well. Thank you!! This was so cool to read, a rare but timeless reaction if I may, and so very well catalyzed with the plot of the raven stealing the charm. It is wonderfully done, though you could have been more detailed in some places.

Research- 17. Great use of canon, and you even kind of matched the style to it! Interesting choice for an experiment, but nonetheless, a happy one, with a unique flair all its own.

Readability- 14. Unfortunately, this is where the reaction lacks spark. You have some errors in this, and it also carries over to your style, but there are a few mistakes that are purely spelling/grammatical.

Style-15. It's not that I wasn't impressed by your style focusing on actions and everything.. it's that the piece itself wound up being a little bland, where the canon is generally a colorful, whimsical style.

Total: 84

Final Scoring Position:

F = M/A

FORRS = Mine / All

Final Position: Pending Calculation of A
 

Kayeich

Well-Known Member
#3
Heh, I was honestly struggling with what to write. Scrooge's dime popped into my head immediately upon seeing the prompt, but I didn't have a clear idea of what to write about it.

I didn't want to write about him earning it either, because I couldn't do that story justice given it's already been told in the "Life and Times of Scrooge McDuck" (very cute comic if you've not read it btw).

Eventually, I just said 'Screw this, I'm tossing Gizmo Duck in there and having him bumble around it'. :rolleyes:

But yeah, I kinda rushed, cause I was looking to do some other stuff. I skipped entirely over Gizmo trying to get the coin, beagle boys getting involved, and some more interacting between Scrooge/Donald. I'm also not entirely sure why, but I tried to write this in past tense, when I'm generally more comfortable with the present tense.

Reading this a few hours later, I pretty much agree with the scoring. Well, I'd probably have given myself a bit higher on research, but I didn't really post everything I looked into due to my laziness. :rolleyes:
 

twin blade

Well-Known Member
#4
Readability: 19/20
Style: 16/20
Flow: 17/20
Research: 17/20
Opinion: 16/20
Total: 85/100

I'm not familiar with Duck Tales at all, so everything is based on your words. That said -

Um...it's an interesting dish. The plot, while not exactly serious, is treated with a seriousness that brings out the flavor.

There's a heat in this dish that I can't properly describe - but, the heat brings to mind the time my class used Bunsen burners to melt chocolate. There's a happy tone in here.

You're quite right - describing Gizmo Duck's attempts to take back the dime was a missed opportunity. A real shame - it would have been a wonderful demonstration, sure to wow the audience.

As it is, I'm left wanting for more.
 

Kayeich

Well-Known Member
#5
The Life and Times of Scrooge McDuck

It's technically not Duck Tales, since Duck Tales is a different universe than the comics (Gizmo duck doesn't even exist in the comics, the horror!), but it's a nice view into the characters from Duck Tales. Well, assuming you have some sort of comic book reader.

The very first story is about Scrooge earning his dime too, which is pretty cute. =)
 

maglevtrain

Well-Known Member
#6
Readability: 18
Style: 16
Flow: 19
Research: 19
Opinion: 19
Total: 91
 
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