Mayhem at the TFF - Insanity's Prelude

[Zenithos]

EDIT: This game has ended. It will be continued in Mayhem at the TFF - Chaos Edge for which registration is openhere. The game starts tomorrow on the 17 so be sure to register! see you in Chaos Edge!


HereÆs a game for the holidays û Role Playing Adventure Fic Writing.

Rules are simple, you play as yourself. You write your scenes based on the scene the person before you wrote, i.e. you write a continuation. You may use other members in your continuations. Your continuation must be open ended to allow the next writer to pick up the thread. ItÆs all out here. AnythingÆs allowed. But when it comes to killing off other members, please be sure to allow necromancers, wizards with rez spells, scientists with zombie viruses, or some other plot device to be able to revive them. Nobody likes being dead....for too long anyway. I know I donÆt.

And try not to insult somebody you donÆt know. I wouldnÆt mind if somebody like DKG, David Alan Abramsczyk, F1, GH, or people I know hammers my character with machine guns or entire steamrollers, but if some obscure person came up and blasted the hell out of Zeni, then thereÆll be hell to pay (i.e. IÆll retaliate by writing a continuation twice as gory).

Ok, Me and ArchMagister-Magus will start off.

Hereafter ArchMagister-Magus will be called AMM

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TFF Corporation Headquarters, City 13, Midnight, December 24th 2006

Two obscure figures rushed in through the front doors into the dark lobby of the infamous TFF headquarters, rumoured nest of insane warlords, drooling /b/tards, and freakish megalomaniacs bent on destroying the world.

ôBut remember AMM, none of the aforementioned freaks are as bad asà.THE ONE WHO MUST NOT BE NAMEDàö Zeni said in cryptic overtones, peering into the darkness, scanning for any crazy fic writers with their keyboards from hell. He proceeded forwards in standard military covert-ops maneuvers û basically stooping, creeping, crawling, and leaping behind cover.


ôHey, itÆs the TFF, and itÆs Christmas night. How come thereÆs nobody around? I was expecting a room full of drunk fic writers showing off their latest spamfics to the tune of The Nightmare Before Christmas.ö AMM said, looking around, strolling calmly through the lobby behind Zeni.


ôThey must be waiting for us down in the dark orifice of the TFF, the CENTRAL DOGMAàö Zeni said, in foreboding tones. ôNotice the note of dramatics, AMM. This is time to be worrying about YOU-KNOW-WHOànot Christmas parties full ofàwaitàI hear footstepsàö Zeni said, stooping into a crouch. He lowered his ears to the ground and listened. ôYesàfootstepsàthe personÆs about 5 foot 6, heÆs a complete idiotàhis shoes are on the wrong wayà.heÆs the kind of person who listens to Noriko Sakai twenty four sevenà.and he hates meàö


ôYou knowàif we were really trying to infiltrate this place, why did we come in through the front door?ö AMM asked.


ôCuz itÆs rude to go in through the back door, idiot. Now shut up. Something evil this way comes.ö Zeni whispered. He crouched behind a convenient watermelon stand and looked over the camo-patterned fruit into the darkness beyond.


ôItÆs only my footsteps echoing around, Zeni-chan.ö AMM sighed.


ôI told you to proceed in the standard by-the-manual covert-op-y way. WerenÆt you listening?ö Zeni asked. ôThose fic writers might be waiting for us, ready to choke us with their mouse chords.ö


ôCovert-op-y wayà.Like this?ö AMM asked, leaping about and crouching in mid-air.


ôà.weÆre playing Mayhem at the TFF, not Counterstrikeàö Zeni sighed.


ôOMGà.U SUXà.UR GAYàKEKEàDUST PLZàö AMM started spouting Counterstrike innuendo.


ôSHUT UP!ö Zeni screamed. ôHuh?ö He looked before him. ôHALT! WHO GOES THERE!ö


ôOhà.itÆs just a humanàö


ôOff course itÆs a human. Would I be worried if it wasnÆt one?ö Zeni asked.

------------------


Now whoÆs the said person? Friendàor foe? Are Zeni and AMMÆs motives good or evil? What lies in the bowels of the TFF Headquarters? Will Zeni or AMM die in the next couple of scenes or will they be ignored all together? And why was there a watermelon stand in the middle of the lobby?

 

[Dark Knight Gafgar]

This reminds me somewhat of a Kyhm Forums initiation. Please excuse me while I scream and run away.

 

[David Alan Abramczyk]

TFF Corp. HQ

Security Officer D. Abramczyk shone his torch lazily about as he went along his appointed rounds, a big steaming mug of hot chocolate in his other hand (he was allergic to coffee). Entering the lobby, he wandered along, his headphones playing classic rock and roll songs.

Suddenly a voice thundered out of the shadows:
ôHALT! WHO GOES THERE!ö

With an effeminate shriek, David jumped back, sending hot chocolate flying everywhere. Ducking behind the reception desk, he drew his revolver, and began to scan the area more thoroughly with his torch. Spotting the culprits, he sighed.

"Oh, it's you two again..."

 

[Zenithos]

Ok, right now we've got two sides (somebody might come along and add a third side to this fic, heck, NERV might get involved somewhere, at which point Gendo's head is MINE!). There's the infiltrator faction (me and AMM) and the TFF security guard faction (DAA, his earphones, his alergic reaction to coffee, his mug, his spilt choco, and his revolver). Obviously, Zeni and AMM are outnumbered 3 to 1. DKG meanwhile, ran away. Any other takers?

Oh, forgot one more cryptic question, WHO IS HE-WHO-MUST-NOT-BE-NAMED?!

 

[Zenithos]

Picking up where DAA left off...

"Akh, DAA, dude, you scared the writer's block out of me!" Zeni shouted, peeking out cautiously from behind the watermelon stand, his covert-op trained eyes systematically picking out his opponents; there's the security guard, his earphones, his mug, his cup of hot choco, his revolver, his torch....

"Oh, don't forget my allergic reaction to coffee." DAA reminded Zeni.

"Ok, AMM, we're screwed. We're outnumbered." Zeni sighed, shrugging.

"I thought I saw DKG back there somewhere....why was he screaming and running like the devil himself was after him?" AMM asked, peering out a window.

"He was screaming something about a Kyhm's forum initiation or something..." Zeni said, eyeing DAA's revolver. He was wondering how well it would fair against his Desert Eagle Auto .45

"Kim? The Korean Fella?" AMM asked.

"All right, what's the idea you two?" Officer DAA asked, raising the torch to Zeni's face. "You two should know better than anyone that it's Christmas eve and all the writers around here would be getting drunk in some local bar, showing off their recent spamfics and such."

The two infiltrator n00bs looked at one another, before staring at officer DAA with inquisitorial gazes.

DAA coughs. "Err...as for me..."

 

[David Alan Abramczyk]

"Hey, a man's got to earn a living. If it means having to work the occasional public holiday, I got no beefs. Least I'm getting overtime." David shrugged, holstering his gun.

"Any case, why you guys here? This is the fifth time in as many weeks you've barged in here. Don't you got anything better to do? You could at least stop wih the Jason Bourne stuff."

"Honestly, sometimes I wish I was back at Black Mesa..." he muttered to himself.

 

[Zenithos]

"I thought I saw DKG back there somewhere....why was he screaming and running like the devil himself was after him?" AMM asked, peering out a window.

"He was screaming something about a Kyhm's forum initiation or something..." Zeni said, eyeing DAA's revolver. He was wondering how well it would fair against his Desert Eagle Auto .45

"Kim? The Korean Fella?" AMM asked.

Please note, anything you say in this thread CAN and WILL BE used against you in this RPG fic.

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"Correction, it's the 13th time, and they say the 13th time's the charm." Zeni said. "Only last time it wasn't you on duty, it was the other fella. The guy with the HEV suit and the crowbar. Anyway, since nobody would be interested in reading this convo between the two n00b infiltrators and the security guard who suspiciously looks like Barney from Black Messa, let's cut to the chase. I'm here on a mission. Either you're with me, or you're up against my twin Desert Eagle .45s Autos, with refined sights, lengthened silencer, laser guided bullets, and life time guarantee....with that puny little single action you got there." Zeni whipped out his two guns. "What'll it be, hotshot? This time I'm cracking open my Christmas present whether you like it or not."

"err.....Zeni-chan....stop the lone hero act for a moment...I think DAA wants to say something....or perhaps somebody will pop in unexpectedly and somehow get this story rolling...cuz I'm tired of hiding behind these watermelons." AMM said, tapping Zeni on the shoulder.

 

[Mereo Flere]

It seemed like now would not be a good time for an explosion.

Then again, it was always a good time for an explosion.

However, it was in his best interests to sneak out. As much fun blowing stuff up was and seeing how far the bodies and debris would fly, it probably wouldn't do to attract any unwanted attention, especially after he had made it this far. He had come here for a reason after all, the same reason anyone else would have.

The lemons.

Tucked underneath his arm, he proceeded to make his way out towards the exit. He had almost made it too, until he reached the lobby, where a few people had gathered.

Cursing his luck, he considered several of his options. Shaking his head at several before finally deciding on one, he took a deep breath and walked forward, greeting the trio. "Hey, you guys auditioning for the Yaoi too?"

Mereo hoped that that would scare them off, and with any luck the plothole would stay closed, lest all the lemons spill out onto the floor before their eyes.

 

[David Alan Abramczyk]

"I'd hardly describe a .357 Colt Pyton as 'puny', y'know?" David replied.

"Any hoo, what is it you're looking for? I can have some of the guys get it for ya in a twinkling, and avoid all that unpleasantness that usually descends when you two show up."

Seeing another one of the damn yaoi writers appear, David casually drew his Colt Python, and blew the writers' head off.

 

[Mereo Flere]

"Oh, no, my head!" was all Mereo could say (somehow), before he dropped to the ground, his head rolling on the floor.

And then he exploded. The plothole exploded too, sending lemons flying everywhere, and since one of them was an Inuyasha fanfic, they get sent flying all over the world for no decently explained reason.

 

[Legacy|iB]

RP? Alright, I'm in.

- - -

Legacy shook with anticipation as he slowly moved through the hallways in the TFF headquarters. Despite the realization he had a Physics lab due tomorrow and an English test (wait...English? Son-of-a...!), as well as a few fics to get working on, he was in high spirits. His red Calgary Flames jersey emblazoned with a black flaming æCÆ almost shined in the dim lighting.

Tonight, it was Calgary at Vancouver - the Flames versus the Canucks. Division rivals, both widely despising of the other. It was war on ice, and Legacy's loyalty would go towards Calgary.

"...you can find me in 'da DOME! Chillin' with JAROME! Got my eye on the cup, baby we gonna bring it home, C's flamin' on my chest, so you know that it's on, let me tell you 'bout the west, the cup is comin' HOME!" Legacy sings, rather badly, as he listens to his iPod.

The difficulty for him was how the game wasnÆt televised. He would either have to listen to it over the radio, or find somebody with Pay-Per-View. Well, there had to be somebody at TFF with a PPV. Perhaps one of the staff members? But, in the meantime, the most he could do was get himself hyped up about the game.

ôàface-off going to the right of Calgary netminder, Miikka Kiprusoff, thirty seconds left in the period. Flames and Canucks are tied 3-3ö Legacy says to himself, taking the role of the announcer as he dreamed of how the game would go in the third period.

ôA minute left in the penalty to Flames defenseman Andrew Ference. Taking the face-off for Calgary is Daymond Langkow against Markus Nasland. The puck is droppedà! Face-off, won by Vancouver!ö

Legacy got down in a low, crouched position, his hands out in front of him as he imagined himself one of the Flames players with a hockey stick in hand. He desperately ran for the front of the net, ready to block if any of the Canuck players fired.

ôHenrik Sedin, shootsà! Save, reboundà! Sedin, shoots againà! Great save, Kiprusoff!ö

Legacy knew where the puck was now. He knew who would get it first. He ran ahead, making a swipe with his arms û sweeping out with his stick and grabbing the loose puck.

ôIginlaÆs got the puck! HeÆs on a breakaway! ItÆs one-on-one, Iginla and Luongo! Iginla shootsà!ö

Legacy cocked his arms back and releasedû a mighty and powerful slapshot.

ôHE SCORES!!!ö Legacy shouted, his arms in the air in triumph. ôShorthanded goal, by the Calgary Flames, number 12, Jarome Iginla! Calgary leads, 4-3 with ten seconds left in the period!ö

LegacyÆs thoughts of Calgary beating their west coast rivals were interrupted just as he tripped over something. Getting back up, he then realized the thing he tripped over was a head û wait, was that Mereo Flere? Looking around, he then caught sight of David Alan Abramczyk with a huge revolver and Zenithos with a pair of pimped out Desert Eagles. The two authors looked down at Legacy, while Legacy looked back rather timidly.

ôUhàhiàö Legacy said uneasily. ôSay, does anybody happen to know where a TV with PPV is around here?

 

[David Alan Abramczyk]

"Damn yaoi writers, a plague on all their houses!" David said, blowing smoke from the barrel of his revolver and holstering the gun.

"And who the hell are you?" he added, gazing disdainfully at the man with the hockey sweater.

 

[Zenithos]

"Ok, two can play that game..." Zeni shouted at DAA, raising his Desert Eagle and aiming it at Legacy. "So, you wanna play headshots? I'm game."

"Ay, I have nothing to do with this!" Legacy protested. "All I want is to see the Flames beat the Canucks off the ice."

"Say, Zeni-chan, how come you're using male pronouns?" AMM asked.

"Can you shut the hell up with all the technical crap, I'm trying to get the ball rolling here." Zenithos snapped, before turning back to DAA.

"Hey, if you guys want to settle something, leave me out of it." Legacy said, eyeing Mereo Flere whose current existence could only be described in terms of blast radius. "How's shooting my head off supposed to solve anything?"

"Hey, as I said, all you have to do is name what you want, Zeni." DAA said, flipping his revolver around.

"Can we cut the nonsensical violence. There aren't any necromancers, wizards with rez, or scientists with T viruses yet. How're you going to rejoin the game if somebody pops your head off?" AMM pointed out.

"Good point..." Zeni nodded, sighing. "Ok, DAA, I want to go down into the Central Dogma." Zeni holstered his twin desert eagles and folded his arms.

"What's that? I've never heard of it." DAA shrugged.

"What? Are you telling me you've never heard of the central dogma?" Zeni cried in exasperation. "You're looking at TWO desert eagles mac, I SAY I WANT DOGMA!"

"Does the TFF even have a central dogma?" Legacy asked. "I know they've got a cool broom cupboard under the stairs down the hall where you could peacefully listen to the hockey games on the radio without people pointing guns at your head....but...a central dogma?"

 

[David Alan Abramczyk]

Unnoticed throughtout the shouting, several more (VERY heavily armed) Legions of Doom? entered, and took up positions around them.

"Oh, right, that Central Dogma. Well, I'll take you there, if you can defeat these gentlemen..." David said, before diving behind the reception desk. A massive firefight broke out.

 

[Zenithos]

"Do you think they can see us?" Zeni asked, looking around cautiously as tracers whizzed over his head.

"No, we're behind camo coloured fruit. QED, we can't be seen." AMM said. "Now, shall we take a look at my guns?"

"I really think we should Rez Mereo Flere first....the poor guy only wanted his lemons after all." Zeni said, looking over at the crater marking Mereo's otherwise unmarked grave. "Besides, his only crime was being a yaoi...."

"He had Inuyasha lemons." AMM reminded Zeni. "Yaoi ones too, no doubt..."

"...." a dark look came over Zeni's face. "Damn...I should've killed him first..."

"Well, let's rez him and see what happens." AMM said, throwing over a phoenix down at Mereo Flere's crater.

"Where'd you get that?" Zeni asked.

"Bought if off a moogle. Said his grandpappy was suffering from bird flu and he needed money fast." AMM shrugged.

Pieces of Mereo Flere (as well as pieces of the lemon fics, for some reason) all flew back towards the centre of the crater, forming a shimmering humanoid form.

"Good, now we've got something attracting the heat. Even if they dont' target the yaoi, they'd at least target the lemons!" Zeni shouted. "Let's MOVE while there's still canon fodder left!"

"HEY! MY WATERMELON CAMO!" AMM screamed as Zeni dragged him out of the cover and into the darkness.

 

[Legacy|iB]

"Oh...shit!"

Dodging gunfire was clearly not the way Legacy was hoping to do this night. Staying at home listening to the radio could have been better.

"Aiy!" Legacy screamed as a bullet wizzed by his head.

Legacy finally ran back and got behind the reception desk.

"Seriously! I came here to watch hockey, not to get shot!" Legacy yelled in furstration.

More bullets snapped overtop the desk. Legacy got up and waved his arms.

"Come on, why can't we be friends?! Let's just put the guns down and go grab some beer and watch some hockey-!"

Legacy was interupted as another bullet snapped past him. Looking down at his jersey, Legacy then realized there was a fresh bullet hole in it. It had missed his centre mass and certianly did not hit him, but it was a hole.

A hole...in HIS Flames jersey.

...a little spark lit up inside Legacy...just like that time Calgary was down 0-2 and Matt Cooke decided to check Iginla into the boards.

He looked over to the soldier who tried to shoot him.

"Oh, come on! What the hell did you do that for, FATHEAD?! Come on, FATHEAD, what was that? You wanna go, man? You wanna go?! Come on, how do you want it, Oliwa or Berube?!"

Legacy raised his fists and rushed forward, throwing several undisciplined rights at the soldier while grabbing onto him with his left. Legacy continued his brief onslaught until a trio of soldiers pulled him off their comrade and dragged him off.

"Ah, what was that?! Five for fighting?! Come on, what kind of shitty call was that?! F***KING REFS!"

 

[David Alan Abramczyk]

"AND I DON'T LOOK ANYTHING LIKE THAT SMARTARSE CALHOUN!" David shouted at Zenithos as he made his way back to the Security Office.

 

[Unknown-common-827]

The Unknown writer was walking slowly through the TFF complex as his shift finally came to an end.

"I hate night shifts... in the winter, no doubt... damn cynical bastards" he grumbled to himself.

Just as he rounded a corner, he bumped into the yelling security guard. Startling them both as the guard raised his weapon.

"Whoa, WHOA! I'm just on my way out of here, man. Don't shoot me!" yelled the tired and uninspired writer.

"DAMNIT YOU... YOU... What was you name?" said the guard, still ready to end Unknown's life.

"Just call me The Unknown One, or "Unknown" for short... for that is what I really am" said the depressed man.

"Oh... where's your ID?" asked the guard. Unknown quickly showed him his ID and where he was stationed.

"If you'll excuse me, I'd like to... OH SHIT!" yelled Unknown as bullets began to riccochet around the two. They quickly ran around to behind another desk and Unknown almost fainted from the shock.

 

[David Alan Abramczyk]

"Oh, you're with the guys in Department 5..." David remarked, tossing his compatriot a flak jacket and and helmet, whilst getting two mugs of tea and a bottle of rum.

"Might as well get comfy, this could take a while..."

 

[Zenithos]

"Ok, AMM, quote that last bit." Zeni ordered as they crouched down behind a melon bread stand this time.

"Aye aye sir!" AMM replied.

"AND I DON'T LOOK ANYTHING LIKE THAT SMARTARSE CALHOUN!" David shouted at Zenithos as he made his way back to the Security Office.

"Remember, AMM, whenever you want to make counter-comments, be sure to quote them first. Now...deep breath...." Zeni took in a deep breath. "Now how're you supposed to argue that? Every single security guard in Black Mesa were all Barney Calhoun Clones, no exception, and all of them owes me beer!" Zeni shouted in the direction of the security office.

He got a few shotgun shots for replies.

"Great, now we're up against BOTH the doom legion ? AND SmartArse Barney Calhoun ? with his ever present plot device shotgun." AMM sighed.

"At least those combine soldier folks haven't showed up." Zeni said, looking over the melon bread stand.

CRASH! Something smashed straight through the TFF HQ's lobby's front windows.

"You just had to jinx us, didn't you? DIDN'T YOU?!" AMM screamed.

"And who's that leading them?" Zeni asked, peering cautiously over the sickly sweet breads. "Noooo....."

 

[Unknown-common-827]

"Aye... thanks for not killing me" said the semi-conscious man as he put on the jacket and helmet. Now just didn't seem like a good time to die.

Unknown saw the man preparing the tea and rum, then he heard a rumble as the gunshots came to an end, "What the hell is going on?"

 

[Light02]

The loud sound of foot steps can be heard from the outside and a whine of turbines slowing down, the hatch opening and someone jumping to the ground he walks in in mid firefight, "Did someone call in from Mecha support I was able to pilfer Alt Eisen out of the hanger," he said as he stepped in, "it's I Light, mecha pilot/fanboy extrionie!"

 

[Unknown-common-827]

"Who the hell is this fairy?" asked Unknown as this 'light' fellow came into the fray.

"I have absolutely no friggin idea" said the Security Guard.

"Oh yeah, I forgot to ask, since it's the first time I've seen you around here. What's your name and how long have you been here?" asked Unknown.

 

[Mereo Flere]

Mereo was rather enjoying his existence as a ghost. Granted, he was dead, but since when was life ever that great? You could go through walls, turn invisible, and (with a little effort) take possession over another person's body.

In fact, he was the very person that had lead the legions of doom to the group that had killed him. However, with his ressurection, he found himself between two groups of people that hated him.

Fortunately, there were other things he could do.

"I call upon the power of Self-Insertion!"

Picking up one of the scattered lemons, he raised it above his head. A summoning circle appeared between himself and the cannon fodder. There was a flash of light, and out of thin air popped out a random Mary Sue, with generic black clothes and long beautifl blond hair and skin as pale as the moon and blah, blah, blah blah, blah!

Leaving the Mary Sue to fight the Legion of Doom, Mereo took off in the direction of the other characters. After all, it seemed to be the thing to do.

Next time, though, he wouldn't try to scare them with Yaoi. Yuri, though...should provide some interesting results.

That could wait for later.

 

[Unknown-common-827]

"What the F***? Did he just do a summoning?" asked Unknown to anyone within the range of his voice. Then he saw Mereo running towards them.

Unbeknownst to him, Unknown was ready and as Mereo found the desk, he ended up with a mouthful of helmet, knocking the already once deceased man unconcious.

'Idiot, never try yaoi again' muttered Unknown as he put back on his helmet.