Narutardo
By
Perfect Psionic Soldier
ItÆs like choose your own adventure!
But without the choosing,
Or the adventure!
Disclaimer - Insert dramatic disclaimer _____________ <-- there! (But please limit it to less then 1bit for bandwidth conservation purposes.)
Warning The following Product may cause, and not limited to û Stupidity, Laughter, Diarrhea, Some mild form of fanon cancerous growth, Get an autograph from yourself, Understand geometry, Like reading, Learn somethingà maybe, Gain knowledge that Canada is north of the US, Learn how to survive via Osmosis, Be distracted by something shiny, Realize that as you finish this warning list that you are in fact æIlliterateÆ
This chapter is also brought to you by the number R and the letter 7.
Prologue
Chapter ? - its that symbol that goes before 1 and but after A
Once there was a great beast that appeared in the country of fire. This great beast with its nine tails, each one with the might to topple mountains and cause tsunamis, was called the kyuubi, a fox demon.
It was an age of confusion and with plans for a birthday party to rule them all, the people were generally clueless but strong willed. To this end, the assembled council crafted a grand plan of epic proportions. The plan was to use a powerful demon as an awe inspiring centerpiece for the first birthday of the fourth hokageÆs only son. Who despite being less then two weeks old, was a moot point.
As a side benefit, an oversized demon would be a cool super weapon and ensure that no one messed with the shinobi of the leaf. Or at the very least, messed with and got away with it.
However, the secondary objective to having a super demon at the party was to outdo the snobby kage of hidden rock. That demented leader may have thrown a supreme party for his forgettable child in the past, but that would all change very quickly. The war may have been over between leaf and rock, but rubbing things in their faces would never, ever get old.
Besides, having a mooing chicken that baked burnt pie was totally yesterday and was so not bragging rights. No matter what some leader of a bunch of rock headed idiots said.
So the kyuubi, chosen by a breath taking game of plinko, was then lured to the village nestled among the leaves with the promise of candy. But, when the greatest of the yokai found out that there was no candy howeverà it threw a great temper tantrum and began laying waste to the village.
The first major thing to fall was a bookstore that by chance was going to release the epic and final book of æHarry Potter and the Philosophical Encyclopedia of StuffÆ the very next day. Unfortunately the store collapsed on itself, turning on a toaster and setting everything ablaze. The store, the books, a potted plant and the writer were burnt into nothingness.
Many malls, coffee shops, 2 popsicle stands, 3 birdbaths, the only manicure salon in the village, the village rickety tower of rubber tires, 6 strawberry bushes and a partridge in a pear tree were destroyed by the initial wave of destruction created by a raging tantrum throwing kyuubi.
The citizens of Konoha grieved. They loved their harry potter and their prideful icon of rickety rubber tire tower.
In response and at the threat of their significant others, the shinobi gathered and began the long and daunting task of fending off the great beast. However, the shinobi that were there totally sucked and were getting owned by the oversized fox and thus their leader, and greatest shinobi in the village came forth.
He was numbered among the greatest of the shinobi in leaf history. He has the pizzazz, the perverted teacher, the neat long coat, and most of all he was in between a rock and a hard place.
Either he fought the kyuubi to the death or was going to get killed by his rather angry wife. All because the kyuubiÆs attack had forced her to miss her manicure appointment due to unforeseen destruction and she couldnÆt even get a popsicle to sooth her tattered nerves. Yes, the greatest man in leaf was totally whipped and only did the shinobi gig to get away from the overzealous and rather spoiled woman.
After a long daunting battle that only super powered beings could fight, the game ended up in a high powered game of ninja boggle.
Through the many hours spent in locked combat, lies and attempts at cheating, the fourth pulled through by cheating through Shiki F?jin in order to point out the word, æLlanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwyll-llantysiliogogogocÆ.
The fourth had a free jail pass from the last game of one on one ninja monopoly against the death god and hence didnÆt have to die. Hence an amazing victory for konoha and its inhabitants as the birthday party was totally on.
What they didnÆt foresee however, was the fact that the kyuubi was a complete sore loser and the fourth was instead forced to go to plan C. Plan A was let the shinobi deal with kyuubi, it was an utter failure.
Plan B was ninja boggle which the fourth succeeded in by out cheating the demon.
Plan C was, stuff it into a cookie jar and then wrap it into lead until the time for the boyÆs first birthday party, 11months and some odd weeks away, came up. This gave them ample time to tame the demon and teach it neat party tricks. Hopefully even keep it from eating guests, or at least leave the good and polite ones alone.
Unfortunately, the assembled shinobi could not find an unbroken cookie jar and instead the fourth panicked, the kyuubi wanted a rematch in ninja twister, and sealed the kyuubi into the stomach of his child. Some would say that he did it because the fourth would never ask for a sacrifice that he wouldnÆt do himself, but the simple fact was revenge.
The little brat had been keeping him up for the past week with endless crying and odd end needs every few freakin hours! Was a few hours of constant sleep too much to ask!?!? Was it!??!!
Wellà that and the fourth had never once won a game of twister. He was the mightiest shinobi that leaf had ever produced and he couldnÆt for the love of odd end jokes play twister properly. His knee benders didnÆt work that way!
Thus, the nine tails was sealed in a, fairly, newborn child. Safely tucked away until party time! There was even talk about a summoned dancing banana and the new dance track æPeanut Butter Jelly Time!Æ that should be an instant hit with the children.
But the life of a ninja if fraught with peril and that night for celebration, the fourthÆs wife had mixed up the æmiso brothÆ with the ludicrously more expensive ædeluxe miso poison brothÆ and the two passed away the very same day that the kyuubi had attacked.
Now an orphan, the child was named during the death throes of the father who was too lazy to name his child beforehand. That and the parents thought it would be funny to not name him until his first birthday since the crying thing wouldnÆt respond anyhow.
At least they think it was his name. They were assuming with what the fourthÆs final words in the hospital were. What they were able to get out of his fragmented words were æNaruÆ and æTardÆ. Hence Narutardo was born, sorta.
However, what the fourth had really said was something like æDamn you woman! I wanted some ramen with extra naruto you retard, not a baked turnipÆ but no one would ever know that. Unless you were some kinda spooky divine being with esp powers, mind control. Heck lets just say that this entire thing was some kinda æfictionÆ and you read it as though this entire æstoryÆ was made for your reading pleasure.
Once again, Konoha grieved as its leader, figurehead and all around funny whipped guy passed away. There was much sadness and not to mention that with the demon sealed away without the password, there would by no party. No oversized fox demon jumping through oversized rings of fire. No dancing banana and worst of allà no free food andà no free food totally sucked.
The day that the fourth died was indeed a day of mourning.
<(ô<) <( ô )> (>ö)>
AuthorÆs Corner
Some little notes:
I was bored and unhappy with the series, hence deciding to spruce it up a bit.
æLlanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwyll-llantysiliogogogocÆ is a real town. Serious, IÆm not kidding.
Seriously.
Ask Lord Raa he showed it to me.
I will updated grammerized version of this story at a later date. Maybe, potentially, sorta. ish.
Hope you enjoyed this unedited retarded prologue! Sleep unwell knowing that this could very well become a real series of sorta related chapters and fllimsy plotholes.
By
Perfect Psionic Soldier
ItÆs like choose your own adventure!
But without the choosing,
Or the adventure!
Disclaimer - Insert dramatic disclaimer _____________ <-- there! (But please limit it to less then 1bit for bandwidth conservation purposes.)
Warning The following Product may cause, and not limited to û Stupidity, Laughter, Diarrhea, Some mild form of fanon cancerous growth, Get an autograph from yourself, Understand geometry, Like reading, Learn somethingà maybe, Gain knowledge that Canada is north of the US, Learn how to survive via Osmosis, Be distracted by something shiny, Realize that as you finish this warning list that you are in fact æIlliterateÆ
This chapter is also brought to you by the number R and the letter 7.
Prologue
Chapter ? - its that symbol that goes before 1 and but after A
Once there was a great beast that appeared in the country of fire. This great beast with its nine tails, each one with the might to topple mountains and cause tsunamis, was called the kyuubi, a fox demon.
It was an age of confusion and with plans for a birthday party to rule them all, the people were generally clueless but strong willed. To this end, the assembled council crafted a grand plan of epic proportions. The plan was to use a powerful demon as an awe inspiring centerpiece for the first birthday of the fourth hokageÆs only son. Who despite being less then two weeks old, was a moot point.
As a side benefit, an oversized demon would be a cool super weapon and ensure that no one messed with the shinobi of the leaf. Or at the very least, messed with and got away with it.
However, the secondary objective to having a super demon at the party was to outdo the snobby kage of hidden rock. That demented leader may have thrown a supreme party for his forgettable child in the past, but that would all change very quickly. The war may have been over between leaf and rock, but rubbing things in their faces would never, ever get old.
Besides, having a mooing chicken that baked burnt pie was totally yesterday and was so not bragging rights. No matter what some leader of a bunch of rock headed idiots said.
So the kyuubi, chosen by a breath taking game of plinko, was then lured to the village nestled among the leaves with the promise of candy. But, when the greatest of the yokai found out that there was no candy howeverà it threw a great temper tantrum and began laying waste to the village.
The first major thing to fall was a bookstore that by chance was going to release the epic and final book of æHarry Potter and the Philosophical Encyclopedia of StuffÆ the very next day. Unfortunately the store collapsed on itself, turning on a toaster and setting everything ablaze. The store, the books, a potted plant and the writer were burnt into nothingness.
Many malls, coffee shops, 2 popsicle stands, 3 birdbaths, the only manicure salon in the village, the village rickety tower of rubber tires, 6 strawberry bushes and a partridge in a pear tree were destroyed by the initial wave of destruction created by a raging tantrum throwing kyuubi.
The citizens of Konoha grieved. They loved their harry potter and their prideful icon of rickety rubber tire tower.
In response and at the threat of their significant others, the shinobi gathered and began the long and daunting task of fending off the great beast. However, the shinobi that were there totally sucked and were getting owned by the oversized fox and thus their leader, and greatest shinobi in the village came forth.
He was numbered among the greatest of the shinobi in leaf history. He has the pizzazz, the perverted teacher, the neat long coat, and most of all he was in between a rock and a hard place.
Either he fought the kyuubi to the death or was going to get killed by his rather angry wife. All because the kyuubiÆs attack had forced her to miss her manicure appointment due to unforeseen destruction and she couldnÆt even get a popsicle to sooth her tattered nerves. Yes, the greatest man in leaf was totally whipped and only did the shinobi gig to get away from the overzealous and rather spoiled woman.
After a long daunting battle that only super powered beings could fight, the game ended up in a high powered game of ninja boggle.
Through the many hours spent in locked combat, lies and attempts at cheating, the fourth pulled through by cheating through Shiki F?jin in order to point out the word, æLlanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwyll-llantysiliogogogocÆ.
The fourth had a free jail pass from the last game of one on one ninja monopoly against the death god and hence didnÆt have to die. Hence an amazing victory for konoha and its inhabitants as the birthday party was totally on.
What they didnÆt foresee however, was the fact that the kyuubi was a complete sore loser and the fourth was instead forced to go to plan C. Plan A was let the shinobi deal with kyuubi, it was an utter failure.
Plan B was ninja boggle which the fourth succeeded in by out cheating the demon.
Plan C was, stuff it into a cookie jar and then wrap it into lead until the time for the boyÆs first birthday party, 11months and some odd weeks away, came up. This gave them ample time to tame the demon and teach it neat party tricks. Hopefully even keep it from eating guests, or at least leave the good and polite ones alone.
Unfortunately, the assembled shinobi could not find an unbroken cookie jar and instead the fourth panicked, the kyuubi wanted a rematch in ninja twister, and sealed the kyuubi into the stomach of his child. Some would say that he did it because the fourth would never ask for a sacrifice that he wouldnÆt do himself, but the simple fact was revenge.
The little brat had been keeping him up for the past week with endless crying and odd end needs every few freakin hours! Was a few hours of constant sleep too much to ask!?!? Was it!??!!
Wellà that and the fourth had never once won a game of twister. He was the mightiest shinobi that leaf had ever produced and he couldnÆt for the love of odd end jokes play twister properly. His knee benders didnÆt work that way!
Thus, the nine tails was sealed in a, fairly, newborn child. Safely tucked away until party time! There was even talk about a summoned dancing banana and the new dance track æPeanut Butter Jelly Time!Æ that should be an instant hit with the children.
But the life of a ninja if fraught with peril and that night for celebration, the fourthÆs wife had mixed up the æmiso brothÆ with the ludicrously more expensive ædeluxe miso poison brothÆ and the two passed away the very same day that the kyuubi had attacked.
Now an orphan, the child was named during the death throes of the father who was too lazy to name his child beforehand. That and the parents thought it would be funny to not name him until his first birthday since the crying thing wouldnÆt respond anyhow.
At least they think it was his name. They were assuming with what the fourthÆs final words in the hospital were. What they were able to get out of his fragmented words were æNaruÆ and æTardÆ. Hence Narutardo was born, sorta.
However, what the fourth had really said was something like æDamn you woman! I wanted some ramen with extra naruto you retard, not a baked turnipÆ but no one would ever know that. Unless you were some kinda spooky divine being with esp powers, mind control. Heck lets just say that this entire thing was some kinda æfictionÆ and you read it as though this entire æstoryÆ was made for your reading pleasure.
Once again, Konoha grieved as its leader, figurehead and all around funny whipped guy passed away. There was much sadness and not to mention that with the demon sealed away without the password, there would by no party. No oversized fox demon jumping through oversized rings of fire. No dancing banana and worst of allà no free food andà no free food totally sucked.
The day that the fourth died was indeed a day of mourning.
<(ô<) <( ô )> (>ö)>
AuthorÆs Corner
Some little notes:
I was bored and unhappy with the series, hence deciding to spruce it up a bit.
æLlanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwyll-llantysiliogogogocÆ is a real town. Serious, IÆm not kidding.
Seriously.
Ask Lord Raa he showed it to me.
I will updated grammerized version of this story at a later date. Maybe, potentially, sorta. ish.
Hope you enjoyed this unedited retarded prologue! Sleep unwell knowing that this could very well become a real series of sorta related chapters and fllimsy plotholes.
