Akamatsuverse Problem Solving: Chapter 1

[TenguPhule]

Problem Solving
by Shade

Disclaimer: Love Hina is the creation and property of Ken Akamatsu

Note: Takes place after the Motoko Arc in vol 9 & the anime through ep 25 and diverges from there.

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Chapter 1: Fertile Ground
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At last, his day had come!

That infernal cast had come off of his leg at last, his spirits were high and
today he was finally going to enter Tod-

"Go home, young man. We're closed for the summer break."

*CRASH*

"You've got to be kidding me," Keitaro Urashima cried out in disbelief
as he got back up to his feet. The barred and locked gates of the main
entrance to the campus seemed to mock his vision.

"Kids, these days...they seem to get dumber every year."

The old janitor shook his balding head as he walked off to attend to the
summer building maintenance. He paid no further attention to the teary eyed
brown haired young man who slowly slumped to his knees.

"No way...."

The former Ronin watched as his dreams of a happy time with Naru and Mutsumi
in college flew away, out of his reach once again. Somehow this felt even worse
then when he'd just failed the entrance exams. At least then it had been his own
fault for blowing them. But to be put out of commission by a freak accident for
the entire semester after working so hard to pass? It just wasn't fair!

Shoulders slumped with industrial grade depression, the unlucky boy shifted his
glasses slightly before starting on the long trip back home to the Hinata Dorms.

So close and yet still so far.

-------------------------

> :snigger: *Cue Imperial March*

 

[Dark Knight Gafgar]

Imperial March? Bad things are gonna happen soon, aren't they?

 

[hawker_748]

More like good things...

 

[Lord Raa]

Hmm, you know, if I didn't get so much pleasure from teasing people with my fics, I'd protest

The question is, who is going to get to Keitaro first?

 

[EagleCeres]

hmmm... decisions decisions...
Tsuruko seems closest, but you never know how long both of them have been... planning their problem solving crusade

will they go the "honorable" way and convince him as to help fulfill their obligations... or are they gonna hunt down their prey?

 

[Mighty Bob]

I say they get to hunt him down.

*starts playing war drums; oddly it sounds like the Imperial March*

 

[Hawk]

> *starts playing war drums; oddly it sounds like the Imperial March*

Y'know, that what I would like to have playing at my wedding as the bride sashays down the isle. Not necessarily with war drums, but the imperial march none the less.

I just get this great big smile on my face whenever I picture the people's faces.

Enter the bride.

Que music.

Bride stalks forth.

Bom-bom-bom-bo-bo-bom-bo-bo-bom...

Hehe. I really don't care overly much about any other part, the wife can make all of those decisions if I just get this one thing.

 

[Mighty Bob]

If you can find a girl that's willing to go along with that, then she's definitely a keeper. Though if she decides to come to the wedding wearing a Vader mask then you might wanna look into medication.

 

[Demon God of Chaos]

maybe not a vader mask...

maybe the mask Darth Nihilus wears in KOTOR 2...

or Darth Revan's Mask...

otherwise, Darth Vader for the Win...

by the way, why not have the groom become Darth Vader and the bride...

Padme Amidala?

it'd be funny to see... :yay:

 

[Dark Knight Gafgar]

Groom as Darth Revan, bride as Darth Bastilla.

 

[Typhonis]

Why not the Drums of Crom from the opening of Conan?

 

[Dark Knight Gafgar]

Or Dethklok's Detheme?

 

[TenguPhule]

-------------------------

As he made his way up the long stretch of stone steps leading to the front courtyard
of the Hinata Sou the young man pondered exactly how he was going to explain this
unfortunate turn of events to the girls who lived with him. Well not exactly 'with',
but they were all in the same building so that had to count for something, right?

"They're going to kill me when they find out about this."

Well maybe it wouldn't be so bad if he managed to tell it like a joke.

'Oh by the way, a funny thing happened when I went down to the campus.
They wouldn't let me in because they're closed until the fall. Pretty ironic, huh?'

His head fell.

"They're so going to kill me."

Worrying seemed to make the time past faster, before he knew it he was already at the front door.

Keitaro swallowed hard. But he knew from experience that running away would only cause them
to come after him. He had to take his medicine like a man. Steeling what courage remained inside
himself, he pushed the door open and braced for the inevitable.

"..."

He waited. And waited.

"..."

There was nothing but eerie silence.

Finally accepting that his time had not come yet, he entered the main hall.

Nothing happened.

Puzzled by the unusual quiet, the now curious Keitaro decided to look around
for the residents, forgetting that only moments earlier he'd been dreading
that they'd find him instead. Going through the various hallways he found
no trace of his normally audible boarders. No cheerful humming from Shinobu
hanging the day's laundry up on the roof. No katana singing through the air
as Motoko called out the strokes in her pleasant Kyoto accent. Not even
the cheerful shrieks of glee of Suu and Sarah doing their usual mad dashing
and exploring of the old building. It was enough to make him start worrying.

But when he got to the dining hall, the answer to the mystery became clear.

There on the long table lay a covered plate of rice balls and some pieces of
fried chicken. Beside it, held down by an apple, were five pieces of note paper
that bore the writing of his various tenants.

One by one he went through them.

'Hey Dork! Poppa's taking me along on this summer exploration trip so don't wait up!'

Sarah's crudely drawn demon girl face leered back at him.

'Sempai, my parents have agreed to spend their vacations at a little place down
on the beach where Haruka runs the Hinata Cafe. I can't miss this opportunity
to spend time with both of them together after so long. Miss Haruka agreed
to take me with her when she goes down today. Please forgive me for being
so selfish. Oh, I made you lunch before I left, please don't forget to eat
healthy meals and take good care of yourself. -Shinobu'

Despite the sudden hollow feeling in the pit of his stomach, Keitaro managed
to smile. He was happy for Shinobu, the girl was always taking care of everyone
else and if anyone deserved some time for herself it was her.

'Urashima, I will be gone on my School Club's Kendo Training Camp for the next
month. After which I will be doing some extended training in the mountains in
order to hone my skills in preparation for my next match with Seta. Do not come
looking for me under any circumstances. And if you touch any of the other girls
inappropriately I will cut you down when I get back. Do you understand me?
-Motoko'

He sweatdropped at the sight of an SD Motoko-chan character pointing a chibi
Hina blade at him from the paper. That girl had some artistic talent but it
was a pity that she had to put it to that kind of use.

'Yo Keitaro! My Master Plan to take over the Japanese Technology Market has
begun! Gotta supervise the Mecha-Tamas on site though, which is a pain. But
Kitsune agreed to help me in exchange for showing her how to beat those
electronic pachinko machines. See ya soon, My Guinea Pig! - ^_^'

The young man blinked, then decided he was probably better off not knowing anything further.

But it was the last note that finally sank his spirits completely.

'Going to spend the summer with Mutsumi in Okinawa. -Naru'

That was it. No tender words of affection for him, no little hearts or kiss marks
on the paper, no clues at all to what if any feelings she still had for him.
He'd confessed to Narusegawa shortly after breaking his leg, but then she'd been
so busy with her classes at Todai and then Motoko's older sister had shown up
and then he'd been forced to go to Kyoto...

So much time had gone by and he'd still not gotten a response yet. Sometimes he wondered if he ever would.
It almost seemed like she was going out of her way to avoid him, indeed the last time he could remember them
actually spending any real time together had been back in Kyoto and he'd had the whole 'marriage to Motoko'
handing over his head at the time.

He sighed. So much for Summer Romance. He couldn't even chase after Naru with the state his savings
were currently in after Mitsune and the others had drained them with party after noisy party.

"This is going to be the most boring summer ever."

 

[Terdwilicker]

Hmm. Good chapter, emptying the place out. Somehow, after the initial sadness, I think Keitaro would find some peace and comfort in the Hinata Sou, finally cleaning it (and it stays that way), and being able to use the hot springs. I could easily see Kanako showing up out of the blue as well, to help him run the place over the summer and spend some time around her oniichan. He'd be able to settle down and relax, really relax for the first time in 3 years. That's not a bad thing.

Of course, there are women coming after him now, but even with them, peace and quiet aren't impossible. Just more complicated.

 

[Dark Knight Gafgar]

I had to go hunt down Prologues 1 and 2 to refresh my memory, but now I remember what's going on.

This is gonna be good.

 

[Mighty Bob]

Almost like a horror movie type setting. Big empty building, all familiar souls outta reach and outta touch. And our poor hapless hero has a horde of women converging upon him with devious plans in mind.

I can't wait for this to really get going.

 

[EagleCeres]

true... about time he got some peace and quiet
a nice time to fix up all those little details around the inn,
a few of coats of paint on the walls,
changing out fixtures,
waxing up the floors....
playing some good music and singing in his boxers and a t-shirt, while slidng about the place in socks!
and then getting caught in the act by his huntresses

Naru> *blinks and looks about*
Mutsumi> ara? is everything alright Naru-san?
Naru> i feel like there's an act of perversion about to happen and im not there to avoid/punish
--- meanwhile back at the Hinata Sou ---
voice> get back here... we still havent played twister! *hicccup!*
Kei> *running away from a tipsy Tsuruko/Amalla/both?*

 

[Lumias]

What topic are the previews to this in?

 

[zeebee1]

Just check http://www.fanfiction.net/~shade.

 

[trapper jim]

Just check http://www.fanfiction.net/shade.

- This should be http://www.fanfiction.net/~shade

 

[TenguPhule]

The girls were all out of the house and he was home all alone.

His brow furrowed as something about that concept lurked on the edge of his mind.

The girls were all out of the house. He was home all alone.

He blinked as it finally clicked into place inside of his head.

He was home...all *alone*. Which meant....

Keitaro started to grin like a lunatic as he raced for his room.

---------------------

'SEXY CENTERFOLDS SPECIAL LIMITED EDITION: THE SIZZLING LADIES OF KYOTO!'

There should have been dramatic worshipful music playing, Keitaro thought as he gazed upon the cover
of the adult magazine still sealed in the original clear plastic wrapper. It had taken every ounce
of cunning and ingenuity he'd possessed to smuggle the forbidden object in and keep it out of sight
and reach of the destructive duo of Kaolla and Sarah.

The nearly naked model posing on the cover bore an uncanny resemblence to his tenant Motoko,
though the kendo girl would never have been caught dead wearing that kind of peek-a-boo lingerie.
It was what had caught his eye when he'd been at the bookstore picking up some study guides.
He'd purchased it on a whim, something about the way the woman's soft milky white skin had
been captured by the photographer had made him want to see more.

His hands trembled visibly as he reverently removed the untouched treasure from its resting place,
the heady smell of new magazine paper and ink sending an involuntary shiver up his spine. It had
been so long that he hoped he hadn't forgotten the basics.

He licked his suddenly dry lips and wiped his clammy hands on the front of his shirt.

Mustn't hurt the Precious after all.

"Yessss...Precious."

 

[Lord Raa]

Mustn't hurt the Precious after all.

"Yessss...Precious."

So very, very true.

Twisted thought, it's not Tsuruko in the magazine is it?

That would be highly unlikely, but made of so much win it's probably worth the OOC behaviour.....

 

[TenguPhule]

Mustn't hurt the Precious after all.

"Yessss...Precious."

So very, very true.

Twisted thought, it's not Tsuruko in the magazine is it?

That would be highly unlikely, but made of so much win it's probably worth the OOC behaviour.....

Nah, couldn't even get my Muse to swallow that one.

But there will be a special guest appearance....

 

[EagleCeres]

Mustn't hurt the Precious after all.

"Yessss...Precious."

So very, very true.

Twisted thought, it's not Tsuruko in the magazine is it?

That would be highly unlikely, but made of so much win it's probably worth the OOC behaviour.....

Nah, couldn't even get my Muse to swallow that one.

But there will be a special guest appearance....

and just because of that... im going to have to do this

-=-=-=-=-
*Keitaro's door slams open as the aura of an angry sword maiden surges into the Kanrinin's room *
Motoko> Urashimaaaa! you deviant!!!... *unsheathes her sword menacingly as he notices the nudie mag* how dare you pleasure yourself to that picture of my mother???!!!
Keitaro> *somehow jumps away... with his trousers still at his ankles* whoa... that's your mom??? *then looks at Motoko with a slightly goofy grin* well... if _you_ wore something like that... i would... to you *blush*
Motoko> *blush... blush... quick fantasy... fume* you pervert! ZAN GAN KEN!
-=-=-=-=-

 

[hawker_748]

Sorry, but the idea of Tsuruko in the magazine pushed me to write this.

Feel free to use it as an omake if you wish...



Keitaro bit his lip as he slowly stroked himself, the model in the centerfold the sole focus of his attention. She was gorgeous, an almost a perfect copy of Motoko's older sister Tsuruko.

This was why he'd gone to the trouble of sneaking that magazine in, for the rare opportunities like this, where he could enjoy it completely, without any fear of being discovered.

He'd stripped completely, and was using a generous amount of hand lotion to heighten the experience. In his mind's eye, he could see the beautiful woman's head, slowly bobbing up and down as she pleasured him.

He was breathing raggedly, slowly but surely approaching his goal, when the unthinkable happened. The knob on his door started to turn...

'No! It... can't be! They said they'd be gone all summer!' was the only thing Keitaro had a chance to think before the door slid open.

"Hello manager-san!" Tsuruko's pleasant voice called out. "You didn't answer the door, so I... thought... I'd... let..." The rest of her sentence died off, as her eyes finally processed what exactly Keitaro was doing.

For Keitaro, he was certain that he felt his heart stop, and hang heavy in his chest, like a block of granite, as his terrified eyes locked onto Tsuruko's, before her gaze moved to his lap, and more disturbingly, the magazine in front of him.

There was a moment of awful, suffocating silence...

"Hmmm. I hadn't realized that they were publishing those photos so soon..."

"Dweh?" Keitaro managed to croak out.

Tsuruko smiled to herself. Since Keitaro was obviously enjoying the pictures of her, which she had agreed to do in a moment of vanity, this would make it much easier for her to get what she needed from him. There was no longer any need to tap dance around the issue.

Setting her sword down, Tsuruko began to undo her hakama. "I'd say you've done a good job of getting warmed up, so I think it's time you moved on to the main event."

As Tsuruko got undressed and all but pounced onto his lap, Keitaro had a brief moment to wonder if he was dreaming, before putting such an obviously irrelevent thought aside, and throwing himself into his task...