Evangelion Shinji and Warhammer40k
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I gotta chime in on just how cool this is. Really. This makes me grin, laugh, and just sit back with that nice, satisfied feeling of "I just read something new and cool."
What surprises me the most though, is just how much you are putting out, and how well-polished it all is.
Spelling and grammar are at the point that I have found one, maybe two errors in everything you posted here.
And the quantity! Good lord, so much, so fast! First that piece of awesome in the Bleach section, and now this! How long does it take you to cook up one of your snippets anyway?
What surprises me the most though, is just how much you are putting out, and how well-polished it all is.
Spelling and grammar are at the point that I have found one, maybe two errors in everything you posted here.
And the quantity! Good lord, so much, so fast! First that piece of awesome in the Bleach section, and now this! How long does it take you to cook up one of your snippets anyway?
I keep trying to find warhammer quotes that woudl fit well with eva.
Some examples:
Woudl work well at the battle of nerv in end of eva.
General slogan of Misato.
Shinji's litany of Synchronization.
Shinji rallying the troops at third impact? modified a bit, if you will.
works in several periods of the storyline really.
After the retreat/failed attack on the angel which devides (7th?)
Dunno, but its awesome.
Misato during the defense of nerv.
dunno, but awesome.
Since imperius Dictatio has already been mentioned...
I'll just stop there. to here for more.
Some examples:
Woudl work well at the battle of nerv in end of eva.
General slogan of Misato.
Shinji's litany of Synchronization.
Shinji rallying the troops at third impact? modified a bit, if you will.
works in several periods of the storyline really.
After the retreat/failed attack on the angel which devides (7th?)
Dunno, but its awesome.
Misato during the defense of nerv.
dunno, but awesome.
Since imperius Dictatio has already been mentioned...
I'll just stop there. to here for more.
Thanks. I also made a few changes. The most important is:
Should really be
Shinji so far isn't really aware of what he's doing.
Alliterative spacer. Oops. Must have Deleted it instead of going PageDown. I did a lot of unbroken, confusing declarations below to convey 'a rush of desperate words groping for that right thing to say, in feelings hoping to give the meaning'.
The quotes are going to be really useful. Thanks a bunch for that too. I know that most Japanese names have a second symbolic meaning. Could someone enlighten me as to what Shinji Ikari is supposed to mean?
What font and its size is this forum using?
Anyways, the ending. Still un-beta'ed, so forgive any errors or inconsistencies:
Shinji was still waiting. The silence in his skull was deafening. For years now
he had imagined life into those little plastic people, and filled his bland moments
with the joyful noise of their bickerings. He had made them the companions who
would never disappoint him, would never abandon him.
He took deep breaths and tried to clear his mind. He went out into the
beach where he found them and listened to the waves. A constant pattern
in the background helped him concentrate, he had no need to time his
breathing. He breathed in with the surf, out with the riptide. No wonder
so many temples were built near the shore, he realized.
Though it all there was only the serenity, the utter and artificial
silence within his mind. He was starting to loathe it. He would seek
that meditative state to help him think, but now that he could reach it
so easily he found himself preferring the chaos of their little voices
batting away thoughts back and forth.
He made them as the ones who would never betray him, so the logic was
that he betrayed them. They did not leave, but were shut away. How? He
had no idea, just as he didn't know at what point it time they crossed
from mere voices in the head into distinct seemingly self-sufficient
personalities.
He thought that he should have brought the figurines, they helped him
focus. But really, did they reside in all that plastic? He had used them
as a crutch for too long.
"I STILL NEED YOU!" he shouted into the silence. "COME BACK!"
There was no response. If this was what it meant to grow up and decide
from oneself, he could do with remaining a child for a while longer.
He stood up and looked down at himself. Black pants, white shirt. Even
out of school he preferred those simple clothes. No wonder Minase found
him weak and boring.
He kicked off his shoes and began to walk over to the shorelines. He
stopped right at the water's edge and let the waves lap at his feet.
The horizon stretched out to beyond time, the sky vast and infinite.
Under it, his problems faded into their temporal insignificance.
"Was it the pact with Chaos?" he asked the silence. "But.. Chaos doesn't
exist...!" Even then, shouldn't his Chaos Worshipper remain?
What happened while he slept? He missed them, missed them terribly.
"What will you take for them, oh sea? You brought them to me from your
depths. What can I offer so you can bring them to me again?"
The winds blew but there were no answers. The waves rushed on, but it
was no reply.
Shinji bent down and scooped up some water in his palms. He splashed it
into his face. He scooped up another handful and drank in its salty
tang. He let most of it dribble down.
He fell back and lay down there on the beach, much like he did all those
years ago. He felt the same pointlessness, the same sourceless sadness.
"What am I doing?" he whispered. "This is so worthlessly dramatic. I'm
brooding. Brooding, damn it!"
He slapped at the sands on either side of him, palms up. "They were
awesome." He felt that if he could touch that, that thread of awesomeness
once more, he could follow it and pull his miniature companions out of
whatever box they were sealed in.
Breathe in. Breathe out. Waves up. Waves down. Clouds grew and shrank in
his vision. He had a feeling of timelessness, as if in the future he
would lie down on a shore again, always in sunset with all that dramatic
red. The waters were all orange, the sky as red as blood.
He felt something watching him. Like a big floating head. He looked down,
suddenly cold; but the post-Impact sea was still wine-purple, eternal and
uncaring of humanity. The sky was starting to darken even, though. He saw
a single star weakly twinkling out in the distance.
"I'm sorry." he said, but there was no one to hear it.
He clenched his fists. "But this is pathetic. I am my own person! If the
future is closed to me, then I'll break it open with my bare hands! I
will teach them all to respect me! I'll take my own justice! I'll never
be afraid again!
Thank you for everything you've done. If we never talk again.
I think I'll be fine somehow."
Shinji got up and walked back to his house. He still had his own life
ahead of him. He felt more powerful than he had ever before.
He found there a child waiting by the front door. The boy stood up, and
looked at him doubtfully. "You're scrawny." he said.
Great. Now I'm being criticized by a being even bonier than I am. He
actually chuckled a bit. Being made fun of by tinier things was familiar.
"And you're little." he said back. "Who are you?"
"I'm da Gretz" the little boy proudly said.
"I thought there was more than one? Collectively, you're Gretchin."
His eyes widened. "You don't look like one of da boyz. But you're right.
We're all da Gretchz, but nobody knows dat secret name...." He scowled.
"But I'm the Gretz here and I have a message. I've gotta make sure."
"Um, okay. What do I have to do?"
"You gots to prove you're one of Da Boyz."
"How do I do that?"
The child put both hands behind his head and half-turned away. "I dunno."
he said casually. "If you're one of Da Boyz, you know."
Shinji blinked. All things considering, he wasn't actually one of Da
Boyz. He'd never been part of their meetings, he had no idea of their
initiation rites or how they identified each other. His contact with
them were limited mostly to the three other kids who had legitimate
reasons to fear the heck out of him.
He slapped a fist down into an open palm in the common Japanese expression
of 'eureka!'. "Wait here." he said, and rushed into the house.
When he returned, he had his cello. The little kid squinted at the
spindly, fragile-looking instrument. It didn't look properly 'ard and
awesome like the boyz would use. Shinji smirked a bit, and mouthed 'try
this'.
He held the cello improperly, head down like a fiddle. He stomped his
right foot down on the concrete, hard. Then, twice more, faster. He began
to play. It was a simple melody; repeating, rapid, violent. He went at
those strings as if he wanted to rip them right off the wood.
When he finished his hair was all mussed up, his eyes were wide and his
teeth were bared in a feral grin. He held the cello up to the sky like
an axe. "Ere we go. Ere we go. Were we go? NOBODY KNOWS TIL WE
GETS DERE! ERE WE GO. ERE WE GO! WHAT WE DO?'
"Nobody cares til we gets dere...!" mumbled the child. "That was awesome!
You ARE Da Boss!" He kicked his heels and stood up straight. "Gots a
message for you, boss."
Shinji made a wearied 'heh-heh'. "So wot's Da Word?"
"Something's going down at da old Salt Park, boss. Boss'yakawa's already
dere. He tolds me to come gets ya. We gots to go!"
"Then what's with all the dancing around for? We should hurry."
"Da Word was for Da Boss. I had ta be sure. If you're the boss I shouldn't
be wasting your time." The boy sniffed. "But if you're not Da Boss, then
you're a squig-head wastin' MY time, and I don't gots to show you any
respect."
Shinji sighed. He went back indoors only long enough to shove his cello
into his aunt's hands and mutter a quick "Sorrygottago!" He ran back out
again, but stopped after a distance. He looked back to see the Gretz
scampering to keep up on his stumpy little legs.
He crouched down and motioned for the child to get up on his back. Though
he did look scrawny, Shinji was relatively fit for his age. He bore the
burden well as he went off at a steady lope towards the town.
"What's going on?" he asked.
"Dunno. I was tolds to come gets ya just as he was headin' in. My feet
were already moving, so I hads no time to ask."
Shinji tried to turn his head. "Wait, are you telling me you RAN all the
way from the Salt Park to here?" At the boy's nod, he added with simple
wonder. "You had better be getting lots of candy..."
"What, are you crazy? I should be expecting candy for this?" the child's
indignation threatened to topple him off his feet. "Da Boyz needed me and
I was dere. Da Boyz are always happy ta do what da boyz gots to do."
Shinji groaned. Such fanatic dedication. How many young lives had he
inadventedly corrupted thus far?
****
The Salt Park was actually Mamoru Community Park, half-swallowed by the
sea. It was one of the most secluded portions of the town, with weeds
barely kept at bay hiding it from the road. Behind its tangled reeds
opened up a clearing with several benches, with an excellent view of the
sun sinking into the sea. It was a properly romantic spot, remote and
intimate and mostly unknown to the grownups.
Shinji dropped the Gretz upon reaching town. "Go gets the boyz. Bring
food and rocks. Big sticks. Nothing bladed or could stab, all right?"
He arrived at the Salt Park to see it no longer unknown. Police cars
ringed the place, their siren lights bathing everything in harsh
flickering colors. There were already a few curious people milling
around. They were outnumbered by blue-garbed policement though, who kept
everyone away from the police line. Behind that yellow barrier was an
ambulance, and Kobayakawa surrounded by cops. The round teen seemed
unafraid though, and easily broke away from them to get to Shinji.
He ducked under the tape and bounded over. "Hey boss! Good thing you got
here boss. Da cops were getting annoyed I wouldn't talk, but I had to
tell it all to yas first." He grinned. "I dids what you wanted me to,
boss. I saw Ayane-san and followed her, but without her seeing me, you
understands. I heards some yelling and her screamin' so I went right
into da park. Dere I saw Minase, and she was naked and cryins' and that
grot Jishin gots Ayane-san, and he was just abouts to slap her. So I
jumped him, boss! I jumped him good like you told me to!"
Kobayakawa's face was a mass of cuts and bruisers, his left eye purpled
and shut. His grin only made it look even more grotesque. "He gots me a
few times but I didn't really feel it." He patted his belly. "All dese
fat's gotta be good for somefin' ha!"
Shinji's was surprised at his own tone. It was cold and calm, and yet he
still wanted someone to tear apart. "What happened next? What happened to
Jinshin?"
"Dat's whats awesome, boss! We was muckin' about dere and Minase just up
and gets him at back of a head with dis big 'ard rock! He turns around
and looks all confused and he sees her and she's cryin' and she bashes
him AGAIN with rock at the side of his head. He makes dis little spin in
the air as he falls over. Minase falls down too, and cries there for a
little bit, then she gets up and STOMPS ON HIM IN DA GROIN and den
Ayane-san hugs her and the girls can gets on so some propa cryin'." He
nodded and looked proud. "I coulda looked, but I didn't wants me groin
stomped too. We was gonna sneak her back into town but it turns out da
Gretz went to da cops first before headin over to yas.
Da cops came by and dey was actually scary for a while until Ayane-san
yelled at them. They led us away and gave us blankets and coffee. I think
I like coffee, boss. It's bitter, but you need it to fight the sweet of
the round cakes we was supposed to dunk into it."
Kobayakawa shook his fists over his face. "We stomped dat Jishin good!
Da boyz rule!" Shinji looked behind his follower to see a covered
stretcher being loaded into the ambulance. He didn't have the heart to
correct the statement, not just Stomped but Stomped Ded. "Now I gots ta
talk to the cops. Thanks for gettin' here, boss."
Shinji watched him go, and hoped the police would get something more
substantial out of him.
Intellectually, he knew about rape. He could understand the reasons
behind it, the biological imperative, Minase was quite well-developed for
her age and without ever even seeing Kotaru Jishin's face could deduct
to some extent why he'd taken this particular day to lose it.
But emotionally? He got it all as Misane emerged from the Park, bundled
in a thick warm blanket and flanked by her parents; her hair matted, her
skin bluish pale, and gaze hollow.
Life on returned to those eyes when she saw him; and all the shame and
the horror there could likely be matched only by his own.
"Don't look at me!" she shrieked and hid herself behind her parents.
"Not him... anyone but him." she said into their embrace. Her words came
out in sputters. "Just yesterday I told him... I never wanted to have
nything to do with a short little weirdo... when I had someone cool
waiting for me." She wailed. "I didn't want to be seen with someone like
him. Now even he would never have anything to do with me!"
"Mina-chan..." her mother hugged her well. She looked at Shinji standing
there, whose young face was stricken with grief. "Such a pity. He seems
like such a nice boy."
Minase continued to sob. They went into their expensive new car, and
drove away.
The future might have been closed to him, but the past was not. He *knew*
that somehow, that he could have prevented this.
Next to come out was Mitsugane Ayane, escorted by policement as her
parents hadn't arrived yet. Her frightened expression abruptly brightened
as she saw him; numbness faded from her joints as she abruptly rushed him
and fell into his arms. "Shinji-kun!" she sobbed into his shirt. "Shinji-
kun. Shinji-kun." She repeated his name as if it would drive all the bad
things away. "It was so *horrible*, Shinji-kun."
"What happened, Ayane-san?"
She looked up withe tear-stained eyes, her glasses gone, and said. "I
thought about what you said, and what I would say. I just *knew* Minase
would just ignore me if I went over to scold her, so I had to go where
she couldn't escape what I would say. So I came here, because I knew she
would come here... and I was hoping that someday we would go here too...
and she *did* arrived. She had her boyfriend and he was *older* than her.
And they were *celebrating* her getting out of elementary, she was saying
he couldn't feel so guilty anymore. I was hiding and I can see his eyes
and I knew the he wasn't ever guilty of anything. They were doing
*things*, Shinji, things we shouldn't be doing yet and I just had to
get out there and say it to her!
And I went out there and said it! It was wrong! She should be ashamed. It
was all wrong, and it would end wrong, and how could she throw aside the
good that you would have brought her?" Ayane gripped his shirt tightly
and pulled herself closer to him, grimacing with heartfelt pain she spoke
it to his face. "And she stood up and spat out what was in her mouth and
told me I was a child. And you were a child. And that she wasn't anymore
and that she didn't have to listen to us. Going here and there, crying
and asking for help; we're so useless. She was better than us. She didn't
have to listen to us."
She collapsed into sobs. "She said it, like I knew she would, she didn't
care about any of us at all.
That's where I slapped her. That's where I told he she might not need to
listen to me, but she had to live with her parents."
Ayane buried her face into the folds on his shirt. "I told her it was wrong,
and her parents would find it wrong, and they would do something about it.
She slapped me back.
She told me I wouldn't dare. She told me no one would believe an attention-
seeking brat like me. She was afraid." The girl continued her tale in between
wordless desolation. "She grabbed my hand and told me she would find some
way of making me regret it. I wouldn't tell anyone, would I? Would I?
Her parents would lose face, and a word to the right people MY parents
could lose their jobs. The Houkos are a proud family, they wouldn't see it
as a favor.
She pushed me away and told me to go away. And, I did! I left her there
and I shouldn't have!"
And Shinji could see it. Minase's words hurtful aside, she must have
reconsidered. She must have thought over how continuing her charade at
being grown-up could harm her later. She had forgotten one thing. Other
people had their pride too.
He could almost hear it:
'Who do you think you're talking to?' she would have said with her chin
up in the air. 'Just because I grace you with MY attentions is no reason
for you to think you're actually WORTHY of me.'
'What, should I scared of you now? I won't go away like a dog, not while
I still have this here.'
'You SHOULD be. My parents will..'
'Your parents aren't here, you little bitch. Now get down and finish it!'
She would have resisted, but she would find her strength was nothing
against his. They were to be alone, she had made sure of that. 'Let go
of me!'
'You're not better than me! You're the one that wanted this, you were
the one who threw yourself at me. This! Take it! Take it! You want to be
treated like you're grown up! This is what grown-ups do!'
Shinji wanted to gag. Experiencing many emotions simultaneously was
something he had cultivated a little with his imaginary conversations,
but never to such an extent! His imagination was running away from him!
No way could it be that accurate!?
"But... Ayane-san, if you left her... then what are you doing here now?"
"Because I thought of you!" she said back, such hurting in her face. "I
thought of you and how you were brave and I was such a coward. I was
almost home when I thought of you saying it was all just alright that I
couldn't do anything when it wasn't! I should have been able to DO
something! I shouldn't have just run away. You wouldn't have run away.
I musn't run away!
I turned around and went back. She wasn't going to get rid of me that
easy. I would drag her out of there, it was for her own good. She was MY
friend! I had to help her. You wanted me to help her!"
She had already ran out of tears. She was shaking. "But I didn't really
expect them to still be there! He was just zipping up his pants, and
told her she would enjoy it more next time. She was naked, Shinji-kun,
and she was... bloody! There was blood!" She screamed her words. "I
screamed. I was scared!
And he looked at me, and I couldn't move. He was so angry! I couldn't do
anything! I was completely worthless!"
She stopped and looked down. "And that's... when he arrived. He jumped
and wrestled him away from me. I never really noticed Kobayakawa-kun
before, but he was really bigger than the rest of us. He was fighting
that high schooler without any fear, no hesitation whatsover. He was
laughing, Shinji-kun! 'Stay away from Ayane-san!' he was shouting. 'Dis
is for Da Boss!' I never knew he could be so fast or so brave... "
Ayane shook her head. "It wasn't enough. I saw him almost beaten but
he was still saying 'You don't mess wid friends of Da Boss!'. He was
going to keep throwing himself to the fight until he died! I could see
that he could, he would! His enemy was going to kill him just to keep
him down!" She shivered.
"But he was so intent on beating Kobayakawa-kun that he didn't notice
Mina-chan get behind him. Mina-can had this... this rage, this despair,
and she hit him with that. She hit him again! She kicked him. She killed
him. He hurt her and she hurt him back. But I could tell it wasn't enough
to take the pain away. That's where I saw she needed me. I tried to help
her, Shinji-kun. I helped her the only way I knew how. I took off my own
clothes and gave it to her. I cried with her. I stayed with her. I told
her I'd never leave her again."
She sniffled, and her eyes upon him held some emotion he couldn't
decipher. "Kobayakawa-kun stood guard until the police arrived. He was
so brave. He was so strong. He wouldn't let me look at his wounds. He
told me da Boss sent him to protect me. His Boss wanted to make sure that
nothing ever harms me. He didn't care about anything except that I was
safe. I didn't care about anything except that Minase was safe."
She whispered directly to his ear. "You're his Boss, aren't you? You sent
him."
Shinji could only nod.
She gave him a bone-crushing hug. "I'm sorry, Shinji-kun! You're so kind
and good and I know this must be hurting you! It's not your fault! You
had nothing to do with it."
But it IS my fault! he wanted to scream. Don't you get it? If I hadn't
sent you out to confront Minase, you wouldn't have set this in motion.
It was all so premature! I could have planned to separate them instead
of this! I didn't want her hurt!
... but you did. You wanted her to hurt as you have been hurt. Your will
is ABSOLUTE, can you see it, bright lord?
That voice; its return filled him with equal parts relief and simple
understandable terror.
Ayane stared at him, and he realized that without her glasses and with
her hair down, she could be even... beautiful. Her face held such strange
trust and serenity in it now. "Thank you, Shiji-kun. Thank you! I'm sorry
for being so useless..."
"Y-you're not useless, Ayane."
"Yes I am! Please don't be too kind to me. I can't bear it! Shinji-ku...
Shinji-san." She put her head to his shoulders again. "Shinji. From now
on I... I..."
"Ayane!"
The girl lifted her head and turned. There behind them stood a big police
officer, his thin moustache keeping his face looking always fierce.
"Dad!" she yelled with renewed relief. "Oh, dad..."
She looked up at Shinji, waiting for his approval. At his slight nod, she
fled from his embrace and into the waiting arms of her police chief of a
parent. "My little Acchan..." said the big man gently. "You're safe now."
"I've always been safe, Dad." she mumbled. Ayane turned to look at Shinji.
Her father noticed it and frowned at her attention towards a boy. Well,
any member of the opposite sex. He was predictably protective that way.
"Who's that?"
"That's Shinji-san." said Ayane. "He's my friend."
"He's Da Boss!" piped up Kobayakawa form nearby.
The father's expression lightened up seeing him. "Ah, you're the one I
have to thank for saving my daughter! Thank you, young man! You're a
hero!"
Kobayakawa looked down and wrung his hands. "It was nuttin'. Ayane-san
is friends o' da Boss. His friends are friends o' da boyz. Da Boyz are
always ready to help their friends."
His frown returned a fraction. "Boyz, huh? And he's the boss. How is he
the boss? Can you tell me?"
Kobayakawa, simple and unsuspecting, went on. "Sure! He tells us whats
to do. He shows da boyz da right and proper way of things. He's told us
that the use of strength is to protect da weak, and da weak can be strong
when they needs ta be." He nodded. "Da boss is NEVER wrong."
"Shinji's my FRIEND, dad." Ayane added.
The policeman's face softened, up at that boy... no, a young man, who
still stood there with his head bowed, his shoulders shaking in grief. A
natural leader, eh? He looked back down, and saw that beneath layers of
fat was a good heart and a good policeman in the making; maybe even Chief
someday. His daughter could be anything she wants to be, maybe even the
Mayor!
That one over there, he had a feeling, would be Very Important Someday.
With such kids around, the future didn't seem so bad. "He sounds like a
nice boy."
"Yes." Ayane whispered fondly. "He is." She waved at him one last time.
Shinji only looked back with such sheer misery in his face, before he
fled.
"I never wanted this..." he said under his breath.
But see! He that has stolen from you has paid for it with his LIFE. She
that set herself above you now lies humbled and broken, the BLOOD of that
she once loved on her hands.
He that follows you is now a HERO, respected by many.
And she who once held you in high regard, now WORSHIPS you.
Chaos IS. In CHAOS all things are possible.
His guardians arrived only soon enough to see him run past back to the
house. His aunt made as if to call out to him, but a hand on her shoulder
kept her silent. Shinji's uncle had already learned of what happened.
"No, let him be. He needs to be alone." he said sadly. "Shinji is just
too kind, he needs to be alone to deal with knowing not everyone can be
as naturally good as he expects them to be."
"That poor boy."
The Boyz broke into the scene, shouting something that sounded like
'Huuwaaaaaaaaaaaaaa--- " and ground to a halt at seeing all the policemen.
They sheepishly put away their useless rocks and sticks. The snacks were
not useless, and in between grateful munches Kobayakawa regaled them
of his tale of heroism and the confirmed infallibility of Da Boss.
The boyz offered some snacks to the policemen, who accepted it with a
smile. It was a simple act that would have far-reaching symbolic
consequences.
****
Shinji ran until his lungs burned. He ran until his legs began to burn.
He ran until he felt as if he could breathe fire and still didn't stop.
He arrived at the house gasping for breath, feeling his entire body
screaming. He fumbled angrily at the locks. He stumbled in, leaving the
door hanging open. He clung to the wall as he climbed up to the second
floor. His heart threatened to leap right out of his chest, and his
head seemed about to burst.
He kicked open his door and laid bloodshot eyes at a single figure alone
in its shelf. "YOU!" he snarled.
He leapt over and snatched it from its place. His hands shook as he
gripped it, slowly adding more and more pressure. As plastic deformed
under his grip, it looked as if the Chaos Marine was bowing its head.
"Someday you will NEED me again, bright lord. Someday, you will call out
for me again. Someday, when you can set aside this petty morality.
And on that day I will grant you POWER beyond your wildest imaginations."
Shinji snarled and tightened his grip. He felt so immense just then, and
the figurine in his hands a little person; red-eyed and so willing to
just let him crush it/him in his hands...
Shinji screamed.
He collapsed to his knees and punched at the floor.
"What am I doing?" he breathed. "What am I doing?" He opened his palm to
reveal the figurine all bent of shape, its laquer cracked in places. It
didn't seem irretrievably damaged, though. He could push things back
into place and slap on a fresh coat of paint. "Why am I so angry at this
thing?"
"You're just a lump of plastic!" he said, his heart lifting. He got up
and placed it back on the shelf. Shinji sat on his bed and cradled his
face in his hands.
"I... did it." he failed to hold back his tears. "I'm a horrible person."
"No, you are not." he felt another familiar voice skim through his mind.
"It was not your fault, Shinji. What did you really do, clear your mind
and admit it to yourself."
"What I did I do? I wanted her to hurt! I let her be RAPED! I took her
pain and loved it. Oh, gods, I loved it."
"No, yaz didn't!" Shinji could feel a massive stomp echo through his
consciousness. "She was weak, and you hated anyones who abuses da weak."
"You must not lie to yourself, commander. Consider exactly what your
influence in this matter brought. As much as it pains me to admit it, the
chaos-pawn had done you right. You SAVED a life, commander, and it was
not by your hands that an evil one was destroyed. It was by your will
that one was saved from that evil."
"But... Minase.."
"Did you plan it? Such is the way of Chaos that it prevents any attempts
to truly control it." The Farseer in his mind stroked with her white-
gloved hand from the cheek of her helmet, down to her neck, past her
chestplate and down to her hips. "You did nothing to her. You *must*
understand this. You are not a God. Not everything is within your control.
Her fate is hers alone."
"I don't want anyone to suffer..." Shinji cried. "I don't want anyone to
suffer ever again."
"If that is your desire, bright lord." the Chaos Marine actually had the
gall to interject. "Then let it be written upon the flesh of destiny."
"Be silent!" screeched the Eldar. "You have had your say. Be silent
unless your loathsome opinion is asked for."
"I obey Chaos, not you, witch. But for the bright lord's sake for now
I shall do as you say."
Shinji bent his knees up and went into a sitting fetal position. He had
touched something today, something vast and powerful and his. The Ork
said it was nothing more than his "Inna bad-ass". Both the Farseer and
Space Marine counseled for him not to worry about it, and it would be a
LONG time before he'd swallow so easily anything that Chaos would say.
He no longer felt powerless, though. He learned that day that when one's
physical strength fails, let the mind triumph. When the future is closed
to the mind, then it is the point of decisive action. When all is dark, is
when the light of the soul shall reveal itself.
His physical form was not the all of what he was.
I am Shinji Ikari. He said to himself. This is what I am.
****
The day arrived when he recieved the letter from Tokyo 3. It had one
word in it: COME.
How hard can it be to write one other word? Please come.
Or You are needed, come.
Or just I'm sorry?
"No father would write this!" he said to himself. "This is something
designed specifically to piss me off! And it's working!"
"You don't have to go to Tokyo 3, Shinji." said his aunt softly. "You
can just stay here. You can be happy here, can't you?"
"Yes, don't give the bastard the satisfaction of having the son he
so ignored come running at his earliest call... what's there for you
anyway?"
He could just stay. In a town which actually loved him. Where the
boyz were being treated like the minor militia. Where someone stood
beside him; and strangely a best friend/confidante/personal secretary
did vastly simplify his life. And where, once, when no one was around,
Minase actually knelt down and kissed his shoe as if his mere touch
could purify her.
Shinji crumpled the letter, if it could even be called that, in his
fist. He looked up and the weight of ages were in his eyes. "I HAVE to
go to Tokyo 3. It's time my father and I settled matters."
"Punch him in the face for me, would you?" said his uncle with a grin.
"Sure will!" he replied with a similar grin.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
All this muckin' about is actually to leave it vague. Which would be more distubing, that those toys have/develop their own consciousness, or that Shinji is actually doing it all and warping reality, on his own through his own sheer faith?
This is a Shinji that has gotten in touch with his inner badass. That can't be taken away from him. If he cries it's Manly Tears. This is why I've worked in this for so hard and so long. Tokyo 3 is going to implode from the sheer awesome.
The actual ending's still at a wet state. I might change it later to something more emotionally satisfying, if it occurs to me.
Should really be
Shinji so far isn't really aware of what he's doing.
Alliterative spacer. Oops. Must have Deleted it instead of going PageDown. I did a lot of unbroken, confusing declarations below to convey 'a rush of desperate words groping for that right thing to say, in feelings hoping to give the meaning'.
The quotes are going to be really useful. Thanks a bunch for that too. I know that most Japanese names have a second symbolic meaning. Could someone enlighten me as to what Shinji Ikari is supposed to mean?
What font and its size is this forum using?
Anyways, the ending. Still un-beta'ed, so forgive any errors or inconsistencies:
Shinji was still waiting. The silence in his skull was deafening. For years now
he had imagined life into those little plastic people, and filled his bland moments
with the joyful noise of their bickerings. He had made them the companions who
would never disappoint him, would never abandon him.
He took deep breaths and tried to clear his mind. He went out into the
beach where he found them and listened to the waves. A constant pattern
in the background helped him concentrate, he had no need to time his
breathing. He breathed in with the surf, out with the riptide. No wonder
so many temples were built near the shore, he realized.
Though it all there was only the serenity, the utter and artificial
silence within his mind. He was starting to loathe it. He would seek
that meditative state to help him think, but now that he could reach it
so easily he found himself preferring the chaos of their little voices
batting away thoughts back and forth.
He made them as the ones who would never betray him, so the logic was
that he betrayed them. They did not leave, but were shut away. How? He
had no idea, just as he didn't know at what point it time they crossed
from mere voices in the head into distinct seemingly self-sufficient
personalities.
He thought that he should have brought the figurines, they helped him
focus. But really, did they reside in all that plastic? He had used them
as a crutch for too long.
"I STILL NEED YOU!" he shouted into the silence. "COME BACK!"
There was no response. If this was what it meant to grow up and decide
from oneself, he could do with remaining a child for a while longer.
He stood up and looked down at himself. Black pants, white shirt. Even
out of school he preferred those simple clothes. No wonder Minase found
him weak and boring.
He kicked off his shoes and began to walk over to the shorelines. He
stopped right at the water's edge and let the waves lap at his feet.
The horizon stretched out to beyond time, the sky vast and infinite.
Under it, his problems faded into their temporal insignificance.
"Was it the pact with Chaos?" he asked the silence. "But.. Chaos doesn't
exist...!" Even then, shouldn't his Chaos Worshipper remain?
What happened while he slept? He missed them, missed them terribly.
"What will you take for them, oh sea? You brought them to me from your
depths. What can I offer so you can bring them to me again?"
The winds blew but there were no answers. The waves rushed on, but it
was no reply.
Shinji bent down and scooped up some water in his palms. He splashed it
into his face. He scooped up another handful and drank in its salty
tang. He let most of it dribble down.
He fell back and lay down there on the beach, much like he did all those
years ago. He felt the same pointlessness, the same sourceless sadness.
"What am I doing?" he whispered. "This is so worthlessly dramatic. I'm
brooding. Brooding, damn it!"
He slapped at the sands on either side of him, palms up. "They were
awesome." He felt that if he could touch that, that thread of awesomeness
once more, he could follow it and pull his miniature companions out of
whatever box they were sealed in.
Breathe in. Breathe out. Waves up. Waves down. Clouds grew and shrank in
his vision. He had a feeling of timelessness, as if in the future he
would lie down on a shore again, always in sunset with all that dramatic
red. The waters were all orange, the sky as red as blood.
He felt something watching him. Like a big floating head. He looked down,
suddenly cold; but the post-Impact sea was still wine-purple, eternal and
uncaring of humanity. The sky was starting to darken even, though. He saw
a single star weakly twinkling out in the distance.
"I'm sorry." he said, but there was no one to hear it.
He clenched his fists. "But this is pathetic. I am my own person! If the
future is closed to me, then I'll break it open with my bare hands! I
will teach them all to respect me! I'll take my own justice! I'll never
be afraid again!
Thank you for everything you've done. If we never talk again.
I think I'll be fine somehow."
Shinji got up and walked back to his house. He still had his own life
ahead of him. He felt more powerful than he had ever before.
He found there a child waiting by the front door. The boy stood up, and
looked at him doubtfully. "You're scrawny." he said.
Great. Now I'm being criticized by a being even bonier than I am. He
actually chuckled a bit. Being made fun of by tinier things was familiar.
"And you're little." he said back. "Who are you?"
"I'm da Gretz" the little boy proudly said.
"I thought there was more than one? Collectively, you're Gretchin."
His eyes widened. "You don't look like one of da boyz. But you're right.
We're all da Gretchz, but nobody knows dat secret name...." He scowled.
"But I'm the Gretz here and I have a message. I've gotta make sure."
"Um, okay. What do I have to do?"
"You gots to prove you're one of Da Boyz."
"How do I do that?"
The child put both hands behind his head and half-turned away. "I dunno."
he said casually. "If you're one of Da Boyz, you know."
Shinji blinked. All things considering, he wasn't actually one of Da
Boyz. He'd never been part of their meetings, he had no idea of their
initiation rites or how they identified each other. His contact with
them were limited mostly to the three other kids who had legitimate
reasons to fear the heck out of him.
He slapped a fist down into an open palm in the common Japanese expression
of 'eureka!'. "Wait here." he said, and rushed into the house.
When he returned, he had his cello. The little kid squinted at the
spindly, fragile-looking instrument. It didn't look properly 'ard and
awesome like the boyz would use. Shinji smirked a bit, and mouthed 'try
this'.
He held the cello improperly, head down like a fiddle. He stomped his
right foot down on the concrete, hard. Then, twice more, faster. He began
to play. It was a simple melody; repeating, rapid, violent. He went at
those strings as if he wanted to rip them right off the wood.
When he finished his hair was all mussed up, his eyes were wide and his
teeth were bared in a feral grin. He held the cello up to the sky like
an axe. "Ere we go. Ere we go. Were we go? NOBODY KNOWS TIL WE
GETS DERE! ERE WE GO. ERE WE GO! WHAT WE DO?'
"Nobody cares til we gets dere...!" mumbled the child. "That was awesome!
You ARE Da Boss!" He kicked his heels and stood up straight. "Gots a
message for you, boss."
Shinji made a wearied 'heh-heh'. "So wot's Da Word?"
"Something's going down at da old Salt Park, boss. Boss'yakawa's already
dere. He tolds me to come gets ya. We gots to go!"
"Then what's with all the dancing around for? We should hurry."
"Da Word was for Da Boss. I had ta be sure. If you're the boss I shouldn't
be wasting your time." The boy sniffed. "But if you're not Da Boss, then
you're a squig-head wastin' MY time, and I don't gots to show you any
respect."
Shinji sighed. He went back indoors only long enough to shove his cello
into his aunt's hands and mutter a quick "Sorrygottago!" He ran back out
again, but stopped after a distance. He looked back to see the Gretz
scampering to keep up on his stumpy little legs.
He crouched down and motioned for the child to get up on his back. Though
he did look scrawny, Shinji was relatively fit for his age. He bore the
burden well as he went off at a steady lope towards the town.
"What's going on?" he asked.
"Dunno. I was tolds to come gets ya just as he was headin' in. My feet
were already moving, so I hads no time to ask."
Shinji tried to turn his head. "Wait, are you telling me you RAN all the
way from the Salt Park to here?" At the boy's nod, he added with simple
wonder. "You had better be getting lots of candy..."
"What, are you crazy? I should be expecting candy for this?" the child's
indignation threatened to topple him off his feet. "Da Boyz needed me and
I was dere. Da Boyz are always happy ta do what da boyz gots to do."
Shinji groaned. Such fanatic dedication. How many young lives had he
inadventedly corrupted thus far?
****
The Salt Park was actually Mamoru Community Park, half-swallowed by the
sea. It was one of the most secluded portions of the town, with weeds
barely kept at bay hiding it from the road. Behind its tangled reeds
opened up a clearing with several benches, with an excellent view of the
sun sinking into the sea. It was a properly romantic spot, remote and
intimate and mostly unknown to the grownups.
Shinji dropped the Gretz upon reaching town. "Go gets the boyz. Bring
food and rocks. Big sticks. Nothing bladed or could stab, all right?"
He arrived at the Salt Park to see it no longer unknown. Police cars
ringed the place, their siren lights bathing everything in harsh
flickering colors. There were already a few curious people milling
around. They were outnumbered by blue-garbed policement though, who kept
everyone away from the police line. Behind that yellow barrier was an
ambulance, and Kobayakawa surrounded by cops. The round teen seemed
unafraid though, and easily broke away from them to get to Shinji.
He ducked under the tape and bounded over. "Hey boss! Good thing you got
here boss. Da cops were getting annoyed I wouldn't talk, but I had to
tell it all to yas first." He grinned. "I dids what you wanted me to,
boss. I saw Ayane-san and followed her, but without her seeing me, you
understands. I heards some yelling and her screamin' so I went right
into da park. Dere I saw Minase, and she was naked and cryins' and that
grot Jishin gots Ayane-san, and he was just abouts to slap her. So I
jumped him, boss! I jumped him good like you told me to!"
Kobayakawa's face was a mass of cuts and bruisers, his left eye purpled
and shut. His grin only made it look even more grotesque. "He gots me a
few times but I didn't really feel it." He patted his belly. "All dese
fat's gotta be good for somefin' ha!"
Shinji's was surprised at his own tone. It was cold and calm, and yet he
still wanted someone to tear apart. "What happened next? What happened to
Jinshin?"
"Dat's whats awesome, boss! We was muckin' about dere and Minase just up
and gets him at back of a head with dis big 'ard rock! He turns around
and looks all confused and he sees her and she's cryin' and she bashes
him AGAIN with rock at the side of his head. He makes dis little spin in
the air as he falls over. Minase falls down too, and cries there for a
little bit, then she gets up and STOMPS ON HIM IN DA GROIN and den
Ayane-san hugs her and the girls can gets on so some propa cryin'." He
nodded and looked proud. "I coulda looked, but I didn't wants me groin
stomped too. We was gonna sneak her back into town but it turns out da
Gretz went to da cops first before headin over to yas.
Da cops came by and dey was actually scary for a while until Ayane-san
yelled at them. They led us away and gave us blankets and coffee. I think
I like coffee, boss. It's bitter, but you need it to fight the sweet of
the round cakes we was supposed to dunk into it."
Kobayakawa shook his fists over his face. "We stomped dat Jishin good!
Da boyz rule!" Shinji looked behind his follower to see a covered
stretcher being loaded into the ambulance. He didn't have the heart to
correct the statement, not just Stomped but Stomped Ded. "Now I gots ta
talk to the cops. Thanks for gettin' here, boss."
Shinji watched him go, and hoped the police would get something more
substantial out of him.
Intellectually, he knew about rape. He could understand the reasons
behind it, the biological imperative, Minase was quite well-developed for
her age and without ever even seeing Kotaru Jishin's face could deduct
to some extent why he'd taken this particular day to lose it.
But emotionally? He got it all as Misane emerged from the Park, bundled
in a thick warm blanket and flanked by her parents; her hair matted, her
skin bluish pale, and gaze hollow.
Life on returned to those eyes when she saw him; and all the shame and
the horror there could likely be matched only by his own.
"Don't look at me!" she shrieked and hid herself behind her parents.
"Not him... anyone but him." she said into their embrace. Her words came
out in sputters. "Just yesterday I told him... I never wanted to have
nything to do with a short little weirdo... when I had someone cool
waiting for me." She wailed. "I didn't want to be seen with someone like
him. Now even he would never have anything to do with me!"
"Mina-chan..." her mother hugged her well. She looked at Shinji standing
there, whose young face was stricken with grief. "Such a pity. He seems
like such a nice boy."
Minase continued to sob. They went into their expensive new car, and
drove away.
The future might have been closed to him, but the past was not. He *knew*
that somehow, that he could have prevented this.
Next to come out was Mitsugane Ayane, escorted by policement as her
parents hadn't arrived yet. Her frightened expression abruptly brightened
as she saw him; numbness faded from her joints as she abruptly rushed him
and fell into his arms. "Shinji-kun!" she sobbed into his shirt. "Shinji-
kun. Shinji-kun." She repeated his name as if it would drive all the bad
things away. "It was so *horrible*, Shinji-kun."
"What happened, Ayane-san?"
She looked up withe tear-stained eyes, her glasses gone, and said. "I
thought about what you said, and what I would say. I just *knew* Minase
would just ignore me if I went over to scold her, so I had to go where
she couldn't escape what I would say. So I came here, because I knew she
would come here... and I was hoping that someday we would go here too...
and she *did* arrived. She had her boyfriend and he was *older* than her.
And they were *celebrating* her getting out of elementary, she was saying
he couldn't feel so guilty anymore. I was hiding and I can see his eyes
and I knew the he wasn't ever guilty of anything. They were doing
*things*, Shinji, things we shouldn't be doing yet and I just had to
get out there and say it to her!
And I went out there and said it! It was wrong! She should be ashamed. It
was all wrong, and it would end wrong, and how could she throw aside the
good that you would have brought her?" Ayane gripped his shirt tightly
and pulled herself closer to him, grimacing with heartfelt pain she spoke
it to his face. "And she stood up and spat out what was in her mouth and
told me I was a child. And you were a child. And that she wasn't anymore
and that she didn't have to listen to us. Going here and there, crying
and asking for help; we're so useless. She was better than us. She didn't
have to listen to us."
She collapsed into sobs. "She said it, like I knew she would, she didn't
care about any of us at all.
That's where I slapped her. That's where I told he she might not need to
listen to me, but she had to live with her parents."
Ayane buried her face into the folds on his shirt. "I told her it was wrong,
and her parents would find it wrong, and they would do something about it.
She slapped me back.
She told me I wouldn't dare. She told me no one would believe an attention-
seeking brat like me. She was afraid." The girl continued her tale in between
wordless desolation. "She grabbed my hand and told me she would find some
way of making me regret it. I wouldn't tell anyone, would I? Would I?
Her parents would lose face, and a word to the right people MY parents
could lose their jobs. The Houkos are a proud family, they wouldn't see it
as a favor.
She pushed me away and told me to go away. And, I did! I left her there
and I shouldn't have!"
And Shinji could see it. Minase's words hurtful aside, she must have
reconsidered. She must have thought over how continuing her charade at
being grown-up could harm her later. She had forgotten one thing. Other
people had their pride too.
He could almost hear it:
'Who do you think you're talking to?' she would have said with her chin
up in the air. 'Just because I grace you with MY attentions is no reason
for you to think you're actually WORTHY of me.'
'What, should I scared of you now? I won't go away like a dog, not while
I still have this here.'
'You SHOULD be. My parents will..'
'Your parents aren't here, you little bitch. Now get down and finish it!'
She would have resisted, but she would find her strength was nothing
against his. They were to be alone, she had made sure of that. 'Let go
of me!'
'You're not better than me! You're the one that wanted this, you were
the one who threw yourself at me. This! Take it! Take it! You want to be
treated like you're grown up! This is what grown-ups do!'
Shinji wanted to gag. Experiencing many emotions simultaneously was
something he had cultivated a little with his imaginary conversations,
but never to such an extent! His imagination was running away from him!
No way could it be that accurate!?
"But... Ayane-san, if you left her... then what are you doing here now?"
"Because I thought of you!" she said back, such hurting in her face. "I
thought of you and how you were brave and I was such a coward. I was
almost home when I thought of you saying it was all just alright that I
couldn't do anything when it wasn't! I should have been able to DO
something! I shouldn't have just run away. You wouldn't have run away.
I musn't run away!
I turned around and went back. She wasn't going to get rid of me that
easy. I would drag her out of there, it was for her own good. She was MY
friend! I had to help her. You wanted me to help her!"
She had already ran out of tears. She was shaking. "But I didn't really
expect them to still be there! He was just zipping up his pants, and
told her she would enjoy it more next time. She was naked, Shinji-kun,
and she was... bloody! There was blood!" She screamed her words. "I
screamed. I was scared!
And he looked at me, and I couldn't move. He was so angry! I couldn't do
anything! I was completely worthless!"
She stopped and looked down. "And that's... when he arrived. He jumped
and wrestled him away from me. I never really noticed Kobayakawa-kun
before, but he was really bigger than the rest of us. He was fighting
that high schooler without any fear, no hesitation whatsover. He was
laughing, Shinji-kun! 'Stay away from Ayane-san!' he was shouting. 'Dis
is for Da Boss!' I never knew he could be so fast or so brave... "
Ayane shook her head. "It wasn't enough. I saw him almost beaten but
he was still saying 'You don't mess wid friends of Da Boss!'. He was
going to keep throwing himself to the fight until he died! I could see
that he could, he would! His enemy was going to kill him just to keep
him down!" She shivered.
"But he was so intent on beating Kobayakawa-kun that he didn't notice
Mina-chan get behind him. Mina-can had this... this rage, this despair,
and she hit him with that. She hit him again! She kicked him. She killed
him. He hurt her and she hurt him back. But I could tell it wasn't enough
to take the pain away. That's where I saw she needed me. I tried to help
her, Shinji-kun. I helped her the only way I knew how. I took off my own
clothes and gave it to her. I cried with her. I stayed with her. I told
her I'd never leave her again."
She sniffled, and her eyes upon him held some emotion he couldn't
decipher. "Kobayakawa-kun stood guard until the police arrived. He was
so brave. He was so strong. He wouldn't let me look at his wounds. He
told me da Boss sent him to protect me. His Boss wanted to make sure that
nothing ever harms me. He didn't care about anything except that I was
safe. I didn't care about anything except that Minase was safe."
She whispered directly to his ear. "You're his Boss, aren't you? You sent
him."
Shinji could only nod.
She gave him a bone-crushing hug. "I'm sorry, Shinji-kun! You're so kind
and good and I know this must be hurting you! It's not your fault! You
had nothing to do with it."
But it IS my fault! he wanted to scream. Don't you get it? If I hadn't
sent you out to confront Minase, you wouldn't have set this in motion.
It was all so premature! I could have planned to separate them instead
of this! I didn't want her hurt!
... but you did. You wanted her to hurt as you have been hurt. Your will
is ABSOLUTE, can you see it, bright lord?
That voice; its return filled him with equal parts relief and simple
understandable terror.
Ayane stared at him, and he realized that without her glasses and with
her hair down, she could be even... beautiful. Her face held such strange
trust and serenity in it now. "Thank you, Shiji-kun. Thank you! I'm sorry
for being so useless..."
"Y-you're not useless, Ayane."
"Yes I am! Please don't be too kind to me. I can't bear it! Shinji-ku...
Shinji-san." She put her head to his shoulders again. "Shinji. From now
on I... I..."
"Ayane!"
The girl lifted her head and turned. There behind them stood a big police
officer, his thin moustache keeping his face looking always fierce.
"Dad!" she yelled with renewed relief. "Oh, dad..."
She looked up at Shinji, waiting for his approval. At his slight nod, she
fled from his embrace and into the waiting arms of her police chief of a
parent. "My little Acchan..." said the big man gently. "You're safe now."
"I've always been safe, Dad." she mumbled. Ayane turned to look at Shinji.
Her father noticed it and frowned at her attention towards a boy. Well,
any member of the opposite sex. He was predictably protective that way.
"Who's that?"
"That's Shinji-san." said Ayane. "He's my friend."
"He's Da Boss!" piped up Kobayakawa form nearby.
The father's expression lightened up seeing him. "Ah, you're the one I
have to thank for saving my daughter! Thank you, young man! You're a
hero!"
Kobayakawa looked down and wrung his hands. "It was nuttin'. Ayane-san
is friends o' da Boss. His friends are friends o' da boyz. Da Boyz are
always ready to help their friends."
His frown returned a fraction. "Boyz, huh? And he's the boss. How is he
the boss? Can you tell me?"
Kobayakawa, simple and unsuspecting, went on. "Sure! He tells us whats
to do. He shows da boyz da right and proper way of things. He's told us
that the use of strength is to protect da weak, and da weak can be strong
when they needs ta be." He nodded. "Da boss is NEVER wrong."
"Shinji's my FRIEND, dad." Ayane added.
The policeman's face softened, up at that boy... no, a young man, who
still stood there with his head bowed, his shoulders shaking in grief. A
natural leader, eh? He looked back down, and saw that beneath layers of
fat was a good heart and a good policeman in the making; maybe even Chief
someday. His daughter could be anything she wants to be, maybe even the
Mayor!
That one over there, he had a feeling, would be Very Important Someday.
With such kids around, the future didn't seem so bad. "He sounds like a
nice boy."
"Yes." Ayane whispered fondly. "He is." She waved at him one last time.
Shinji only looked back with such sheer misery in his face, before he
fled.
"I never wanted this..." he said under his breath.
But see! He that has stolen from you has paid for it with his LIFE. She
that set herself above you now lies humbled and broken, the BLOOD of that
she once loved on her hands.
He that follows you is now a HERO, respected by many.
And she who once held you in high regard, now WORSHIPS you.
Chaos IS. In CHAOS all things are possible.
His guardians arrived only soon enough to see him run past back to the
house. His aunt made as if to call out to him, but a hand on her shoulder
kept her silent. Shinji's uncle had already learned of what happened.
"No, let him be. He needs to be alone." he said sadly. "Shinji is just
too kind, he needs to be alone to deal with knowing not everyone can be
as naturally good as he expects them to be."
"That poor boy."
The Boyz broke into the scene, shouting something that sounded like
'Huuwaaaaaaaaaaaaaa--- " and ground to a halt at seeing all the policemen.
They sheepishly put away their useless rocks and sticks. The snacks were
not useless, and in between grateful munches Kobayakawa regaled them
of his tale of heroism and the confirmed infallibility of Da Boss.
The boyz offered some snacks to the policemen, who accepted it with a
smile. It was a simple act that would have far-reaching symbolic
consequences.
****
Shinji ran until his lungs burned. He ran until his legs began to burn.
He ran until he felt as if he could breathe fire and still didn't stop.
He arrived at the house gasping for breath, feeling his entire body
screaming. He fumbled angrily at the locks. He stumbled in, leaving the
door hanging open. He clung to the wall as he climbed up to the second
floor. His heart threatened to leap right out of his chest, and his
head seemed about to burst.
He kicked open his door and laid bloodshot eyes at a single figure alone
in its shelf. "YOU!" he snarled.
He leapt over and snatched it from its place. His hands shook as he
gripped it, slowly adding more and more pressure. As plastic deformed
under his grip, it looked as if the Chaos Marine was bowing its head.
"Someday you will NEED me again, bright lord. Someday, you will call out
for me again. Someday, when you can set aside this petty morality.
And on that day I will grant you POWER beyond your wildest imaginations."
Shinji snarled and tightened his grip. He felt so immense just then, and
the figurine in his hands a little person; red-eyed and so willing to
just let him crush it/him in his hands...
Shinji screamed.
He collapsed to his knees and punched at the floor.
"What am I doing?" he breathed. "What am I doing?" He opened his palm to
reveal the figurine all bent of shape, its laquer cracked in places. It
didn't seem irretrievably damaged, though. He could push things back
into place and slap on a fresh coat of paint. "Why am I so angry at this
thing?"
"You're just a lump of plastic!" he said, his heart lifting. He got up
and placed it back on the shelf. Shinji sat on his bed and cradled his
face in his hands.
"I... did it." he failed to hold back his tears. "I'm a horrible person."
"No, you are not." he felt another familiar voice skim through his mind.
"It was not your fault, Shinji. What did you really do, clear your mind
and admit it to yourself."
"What I did I do? I wanted her to hurt! I let her be RAPED! I took her
pain and loved it. Oh, gods, I loved it."
"No, yaz didn't!" Shinji could feel a massive stomp echo through his
consciousness. "She was weak, and you hated anyones who abuses da weak."
"You must not lie to yourself, commander. Consider exactly what your
influence in this matter brought. As much as it pains me to admit it, the
chaos-pawn had done you right. You SAVED a life, commander, and it was
not by your hands that an evil one was destroyed. It was by your will
that one was saved from that evil."
"But... Minase.."
"Did you plan it? Such is the way of Chaos that it prevents any attempts
to truly control it." The Farseer in his mind stroked with her white-
gloved hand from the cheek of her helmet, down to her neck, past her
chestplate and down to her hips. "You did nothing to her. You *must*
understand this. You are not a God. Not everything is within your control.
Her fate is hers alone."
"I don't want anyone to suffer..." Shinji cried. "I don't want anyone to
suffer ever again."
"If that is your desire, bright lord." the Chaos Marine actually had the
gall to interject. "Then let it be written upon the flesh of destiny."
"Be silent!" screeched the Eldar. "You have had your say. Be silent
unless your loathsome opinion is asked for."
"I obey Chaos, not you, witch. But for the bright lord's sake for now
I shall do as you say."
Shinji bent his knees up and went into a sitting fetal position. He had
touched something today, something vast and powerful and his. The Ork
said it was nothing more than his "Inna bad-ass". Both the Farseer and
Space Marine counseled for him not to worry about it, and it would be a
LONG time before he'd swallow so easily anything that Chaos would say.
He no longer felt powerless, though. He learned that day that when one's
physical strength fails, let the mind triumph. When the future is closed
to the mind, then it is the point of decisive action. When all is dark, is
when the light of the soul shall reveal itself.
His physical form was not the all of what he was.
I am Shinji Ikari. He said to himself. This is what I am.
****
The day arrived when he recieved the letter from Tokyo 3. It had one
word in it: COME.
How hard can it be to write one other word? Please come.
Or You are needed, come.
Or just I'm sorry?
"No father would write this!" he said to himself. "This is something
designed specifically to piss me off! And it's working!"
"You don't have to go to Tokyo 3, Shinji." said his aunt softly. "You
can just stay here. You can be happy here, can't you?"
"Yes, don't give the bastard the satisfaction of having the son he
so ignored come running at his earliest call... what's there for you
anyway?"
He could just stay. In a town which actually loved him. Where the
boyz were being treated like the minor militia. Where someone stood
beside him; and strangely a best friend/confidante/personal secretary
did vastly simplify his life. And where, once, when no one was around,
Minase actually knelt down and kissed his shoe as if his mere touch
could purify her.
Shinji crumpled the letter, if it could even be called that, in his
fist. He looked up and the weight of ages were in his eyes. "I HAVE to
go to Tokyo 3. It's time my father and I settled matters."
"Punch him in the face for me, would you?" said his uncle with a grin.
"Sure will!" he replied with a similar grin.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
All this muckin' about is actually to leave it vague. Which would be more distubing, that those toys have/develop their own consciousness, or that Shinji is actually doing it all and warping reality, on his own through his own sheer faith?
This is a Shinji that has gotten in touch with his inner badass. That can't be taken away from him. If he cries it's Manly Tears. This is why I've worked in this for so hard and so long. Tokyo 3 is going to implode from the sheer awesome.
The actual ending's still at a wet state. I might change it later to something more emotionally satisfying, if it occurs to me.
While I don't have a single clue about Warhammer, I love the story so far. Your writing style gives of this 'epic' vibe for lack of better term, that is supposed to be associated with the Warhammer-universe, from what I understand.
As ridiculous the premise of a bunch of figurines making Shinji into 'Da boss' is, somehow it is believable up to this point.
Aside from that, I loved your ACC's. You gave them all some depth without moving the spotlight away from Shinji.
Now on to Tokyo-3 for some serious scenario-busting. :yay: :yay: :yay:
As ridiculous the premise of a bunch of figurines making Shinji into 'Da boss' is, somehow it is believable up to this point.
Aside from that, I loved your ACC's. You gave them all some depth without moving the spotlight away from Shinji.
Now on to Tokyo-3 for some serious scenario-busting. :yay: :yay: :yay:
Ikari: anger; hatred; rage; wrath, or anchor(which is the correct meaning according to the creator.)
Shinji, I have no clue about. I heard somewhere that it roughly translates to 'raging truth', but I have no idea how correct that it.
Well, when you say faith, do you mean it in the sense that because Shinji imagined them being alive, they are alive? Or is it that Shinji has so much belief in them that he has hallucinated all of his interactions? If the former, then Shinji doing it all is much more awesome. Because if he can do this through faith , then there is no limit to what he can affect, or the changes he can make.
Having the toys start with their own consciousness is cool, but that's Toy Story. And as great as the film was, it doesn't compare to Shinji making his toys live simply because he thinks they can.
Shinji, I have no clue about. I heard somewhere that it roughly translates to 'raging truth', but I have no idea how correct that it.
Well, when you say faith, do you mean it in the sense that because Shinji imagined them being alive, they are alive? Or is it that Shinji has so much belief in them that he has hallucinated all of his interactions? If the former, then Shinji doing it all is much more awesome. Because if he can do this through faith , then there is no limit to what he can affect, or the changes he can make.
Having the toys start with their own consciousness is cool, but that's Toy Story. And as great as the film was, it doesn't compare to Shinji making his toys live simply because he thinks they can.
Thats where I got the idea of Shini telliong Misato to adress him as Princeps. There are a large number of potential meanings for Shinji and I'm not sure what would be the intended one. Perhaps the most appropriate would be 'mind'.
Interestingly, Gendo can be translated as 'dark path'. So Shinji's father is the anchor of the dark path of the Human Instrumentality Project. Appropriate, neh?
Interestingly, Gendo can be translated as 'dark path'. So Shinji's father is the anchor of the dark path of the Human Instrumentality Project. Appropriate, neh?
Well, option A doesn't make too much sense to me, since if it was an actual Warboss, Farseer, Space and Chaos Marine in those figurines, why are they all so co-operative?
There's no way that a true Chaos Marine would refer to Shinji as his lord(or God, really), and a real Space Marine of the Emperor would never have said this: It just doesn't fit. He's much more likely to be howling about Xeno filth then anything else, if it was an actual Marine.
There's no way that a true Chaos Marine would refer to Shinji as his lord(or God, really), and a real Space Marine of the Emperor would never have said this: It just doesn't fit. He's much more likely to be howling about Xeno filth then anything else, if it was an actual Marine.
Actually, there WILL be a Tau. After having so many requests, I planned for it in advance of the main plot... it will take a while to arrive, though. Adeptus Mechanicus? They'll be here. The Tyranid and Necrons don't make for good conversationalists, though, so they'll likely remain at the sidelines.
Anyways, it's up.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3886999/1/Shin...nd_Warhammer40k
I still really prefer the format in which I write. Oh, well. If that's what Fanfiction.net demands...
And now a taste:
Chapter One
The Boy who came to Tokyo 3
It swam past the sunken remains of man's arrogance. It stomped on the streets of
their renewed hope. The military put up a valiant effort, but everyone that
mattered know they wouldn't be able to stop it.
Meanwhile, the completely automated railways system continued to roll on. It
stopped automatically, and its single passenger got off.
"I hope there were no security cameras in that thing..." said Shinji.
"You should have thought of that before you started to run on the cushions and
then slide and swing on the handrails just because no one else was around." a
stately female voice in his mind replied. "Truly, you show the signs of your mon-
keigh ancestry."
"...wait. Mon-keigh is supposed to be monkey, right?" the teen noted with some
disbelief. "You've been calling me a monkey all this time?"
"We have been calling your kind the mon-keigh, the wild ones, for as long as
your race have stood upright. It saddens me, to be sure, that you took this long
to realize this. Some... never do."
"So, that's why you refer to me as a metal-skinned brute!" quoth the Space
Marine. "That my genetic enhancements only return me to my true mental state!
This armor, these geneseeds are the finest fruits of the God-Emperor's will. I
thought you Eldar might have actually respected His mighty intellect. That was
an insult all this time?!"
"See, Shinji? Disappointing."
"BE SMOTE for your HERESY, foul Eldar witch!"
"It's heresy only if I follow your religion! And I do not!" She seemed to grin.
"Gorilla."
"Let me out, commander! Get us out of this pack. There must be smiting!"
"So much grunting. Would you like a banana?"
An unarticulate roar filled Shinji's mind, with a 'oohho-ho-ho' weaving in and
out. "Hush!" he said. There was was silence. There was too much silence. He
looked about, and all the activity he could see were the blinking street lights.
It was odd enough that a train would have no one but him, but now everybody was
gone. Tokyo 3 was supposed to be a bustling city and the center of Japan's
industrial and commercial efforts. "...where is everybody?"
Shinji Ikari stepped out of the terminal and walked down the streets. The shops
were all closed. There was not a single moving car to be seen. He took out a
card from his pocket; and there was a red symbol, half of a fig leaf. NERV.
Below that, a telephone number.
He saw a row of public phones some a distance away. He went over and dialed it
in.
"Hmn. No answer." He set the reciever back. "Now isn't this just like father? To
send for me and make sure no one's there to meet me?"
"I doubt your father would clear out an entire city just for the purposes of
insulting you further..." the Farseer said, to hide that she had no idea of what
was going on either.
The speakers were saying something. Don't panic. Proceed to a shelter.
He looked down at the photo sent to him, a woman in tight clothing leaning
forwards; an arrow in marker was drawn pointing to her breasts. LOOK HERE! it
said. Shinji quirked his lips. What sort of person would send something like
this?
"It's no good. Maybe I should go to a shelter? Not that I know where one is,
anyway..."
Wait, is that...
He saw standing across the street, a girl, staring at him. Her blue hair was what
drew his attention, and her red eyes seemed to see into his soul. He felt a
certain longing, and faintly, almost unheard... 'we are reunited'.
A flock of birds suddenly flying off drew his attention for an instant, and when
he looked back, she was gone.
"What was that? Did I... imagine it?
"IT COMES!" screamed the voice of Chaos.
Shinji turned and felt a wall of... something. It felt as if squeezing his heart!
What... what is this? His inner voices were suddenly all unable to speak. It
came as a gust of wind. He saw a gyrocopter slide into view, discharging its
missiles at something behind the buildings. It came as cleansing fire, as he saw
that same battlecopter be speared by a bolt of energy, attached to massive
black arm.
He shielded his face as it fell, whipping the air, to land chopping up the
pavement near him. The giant strode on, unconcerned.
"I *know* this!" Shinji shouted out for reasons he couldn't explain. "I feel I
should *know* this!"
Its gargantuan foot came down, close by. A sports car screeched to a halt between
it and him. The door opened, and a woman in a tight purple one-piece shouted,
her face hidden behind large tinted driving sunglasses. "Get in!"
He ran to it, sensing that the next step might actually land on top of it. The
car sped out with maniacal speed and turning.
"W-what was that?" he said between frantic gulps of breath. So pure. So much
purposeful hatred. What was that?! What can man do against such black hate?
"That was an Angel, Shinji." Misato said nonchalantly. "That is what your father
fights."
Shinji looked back. "An angel..." My father fights that? The expression was more
linked to avenger, or punisher. There was nothing intrinsically holy about it.
Even so, he felt strangely at peace.
"We might be getting into something we would not want to be in, Commander." was
the Space Marine's warning. "I can feel it. We all can."
"Deres stompins dat gots that be done." added the Ork warboss.
"There is blood." hissed the Chaos Marine. "I can taste it. Blood waits for us
here. Blood to FILL a God to satisfaction."
"Are you afraid?" he asked them.
The Farseer pulled deep into herself. "Are you not? Your thoughts are our
thoughts. Shinji... The future is closed to me. I feel it. We are at the cusp of
a scenario. We cannot see it, for we are part of it."
The young teen turned his head back and sighed. He slumped against his seat. 'I
can't escape it now. I have to *know* it. What are you up to, father?' He looked
up and at the woman beside him. The large shades hid her eyes, she seemed serious
and professional and nothing like the picture she sent. He felt his eyes drifting
down to the streched folds near her chest, and looked away sharply. He felt a
certain amusement from her. Damn! So she was looking at him, instead of the road.
He really needed those orange sunglasses.
Shinji faced forwards, slumped back some more and obstinately jutted out his
chin. He tried in this way to fight back his embarrassment. That only made
Misato smiled visibly. The young teen just couldn't pull off a tough look.
"So, you're Ikari Shinji, huh?" she said, eyes back to the road.
"And you're Katsuragi Misato-san." he replied. "P-pleased to meet you."
"Yes, I'm sure." she added impishly. Nice kid, she thought. Still so innocent.
He's going to be much fun to tease. Who knows? I might even do something might
enjoy. She begun to chuckle lightly, which for some reason made Shinji feel even
more uneasy.
Her eyes widened suddenly. "That plane... it can't be! They wouldn't?!" She
turned and yelled right at Shinji's face. "GET DOWN!"
The car swerved wildly away.
And the sun came down from the sky.
edit:
Misato shielded him with her body. She pulled him tight as the car rolled. As it
did so, Shinji thought "Maybe being in here in Tokyo 3 won't be so bad after all."
"I should feel outrage," said the Farseer, miffed. "But your thoughts are our thoughts..."
"I am SURE such perversion is not surprising in the ones who spawned Slaanesh.
Enough. We care not. Get your foot out of my face, woman."
"My foot, as you put it, is connected to my base. So, stop kissing my plastic stand."
She paused. "You are trying to look up my skirt, aren't you? Aren't you?!"
"Damnation! Stop kicking me, woman!"
Shinji's mind was always the most lively when he wanted to take his attention off
something. He was grateful for their timely distraction.
"Hear your devoted servant oh bright lord! Save me! HELP!"
"Die, die and die again. Be ressurected by your Dark Gods to be killed by me again."
A power outage here keeps me from working further. I'm on the last dregs of battery power now. And that's why the God-Emperor gave us - the notebook! Made of ActualPaper?!
Or.. ::tap::tap:: I could set this aside for a while and get back to that alternative Bleach fanfic. Oh, killed in its infancy. How sad.
edit second:
Naah. She'd sound like Asuka.
I'll leave that bit out.
Anyways, it's up.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3886999/1/Shin...nd_Warhammer40k
I still really prefer the format in which I write. Oh, well. If that's what Fanfiction.net demands...
And now a taste:
Chapter One
The Boy who came to Tokyo 3
It swam past the sunken remains of man's arrogance. It stomped on the streets of
their renewed hope. The military put up a valiant effort, but everyone that
mattered know they wouldn't be able to stop it.
Meanwhile, the completely automated railways system continued to roll on. It
stopped automatically, and its single passenger got off.
"I hope there were no security cameras in that thing..." said Shinji.
"You should have thought of that before you started to run on the cushions and
then slide and swing on the handrails just because no one else was around." a
stately female voice in his mind replied. "Truly, you show the signs of your mon-
keigh ancestry."
"...wait. Mon-keigh is supposed to be monkey, right?" the teen noted with some
disbelief. "You've been calling me a monkey all this time?"
"We have been calling your kind the mon-keigh, the wild ones, for as long as
your race have stood upright. It saddens me, to be sure, that you took this long
to realize this. Some... never do."
"So, that's why you refer to me as a metal-skinned brute!" quoth the Space
Marine. "That my genetic enhancements only return me to my true mental state!
This armor, these geneseeds are the finest fruits of the God-Emperor's will. I
thought you Eldar might have actually respected His mighty intellect. That was
an insult all this time?!"
"See, Shinji? Disappointing."
"BE SMOTE for your HERESY, foul Eldar witch!"
"It's heresy only if I follow your religion! And I do not!" She seemed to grin.
"Gorilla."
"Let me out, commander! Get us out of this pack. There must be smiting!"
"So much grunting. Would you like a banana?"
An unarticulate roar filled Shinji's mind, with a 'oohho-ho-ho' weaving in and
out. "Hush!" he said. There was was silence. There was too much silence. He
looked about, and all the activity he could see were the blinking street lights.
It was odd enough that a train would have no one but him, but now everybody was
gone. Tokyo 3 was supposed to be a bustling city and the center of Japan's
industrial and commercial efforts. "...where is everybody?"
Shinji Ikari stepped out of the terminal and walked down the streets. The shops
were all closed. There was not a single moving car to be seen. He took out a
card from his pocket; and there was a red symbol, half of a fig leaf. NERV.
Below that, a telephone number.
He saw a row of public phones some a distance away. He went over and dialed it
in.
"Hmn. No answer." He set the reciever back. "Now isn't this just like father? To
send for me and make sure no one's there to meet me?"
"I doubt your father would clear out an entire city just for the purposes of
insulting you further..." the Farseer said, to hide that she had no idea of what
was going on either.
The speakers were saying something. Don't panic. Proceed to a shelter.
He looked down at the photo sent to him, a woman in tight clothing leaning
forwards; an arrow in marker was drawn pointing to her breasts. LOOK HERE! it
said. Shinji quirked his lips. What sort of person would send something like
this?
"It's no good. Maybe I should go to a shelter? Not that I know where one is,
anyway..."
Wait, is that...
He saw standing across the street, a girl, staring at him. Her blue hair was what
drew his attention, and her red eyes seemed to see into his soul. He felt a
certain longing, and faintly, almost unheard... 'we are reunited'.
A flock of birds suddenly flying off drew his attention for an instant, and when
he looked back, she was gone.
"What was that? Did I... imagine it?
"IT COMES!" screamed the voice of Chaos.
Shinji turned and felt a wall of... something. It felt as if squeezing his heart!
What... what is this? His inner voices were suddenly all unable to speak. It
came as a gust of wind. He saw a gyrocopter slide into view, discharging its
missiles at something behind the buildings. It came as cleansing fire, as he saw
that same battlecopter be speared by a bolt of energy, attached to massive
black arm.
He shielded his face as it fell, whipping the air, to land chopping up the
pavement near him. The giant strode on, unconcerned.
"I *know* this!" Shinji shouted out for reasons he couldn't explain. "I feel I
should *know* this!"
Its gargantuan foot came down, close by. A sports car screeched to a halt between
it and him. The door opened, and a woman in a tight purple one-piece shouted,
her face hidden behind large tinted driving sunglasses. "Get in!"
He ran to it, sensing that the next step might actually land on top of it. The
car sped out with maniacal speed and turning.
"W-what was that?" he said between frantic gulps of breath. So pure. So much
purposeful hatred. What was that?! What can man do against such black hate?
"That was an Angel, Shinji." Misato said nonchalantly. "That is what your father
fights."
Shinji looked back. "An angel..." My father fights that? The expression was more
linked to avenger, or punisher. There was nothing intrinsically holy about it.
Even so, he felt strangely at peace.
"We might be getting into something we would not want to be in, Commander." was
the Space Marine's warning. "I can feel it. We all can."
"Deres stompins dat gots that be done." added the Ork warboss.
"There is blood." hissed the Chaos Marine. "I can taste it. Blood waits for us
here. Blood to FILL a God to satisfaction."
"Are you afraid?" he asked them.
The Farseer pulled deep into herself. "Are you not? Your thoughts are our
thoughts. Shinji... The future is closed to me. I feel it. We are at the cusp of
a scenario. We cannot see it, for we are part of it."
The young teen turned his head back and sighed. He slumped against his seat. 'I
can't escape it now. I have to *know* it. What are you up to, father?' He looked
up and at the woman beside him. The large shades hid her eyes, she seemed serious
and professional and nothing like the picture she sent. He felt his eyes drifting
down to the streched folds near her chest, and looked away sharply. He felt a
certain amusement from her. Damn! So she was looking at him, instead of the road.
He really needed those orange sunglasses.
Shinji faced forwards, slumped back some more and obstinately jutted out his
chin. He tried in this way to fight back his embarrassment. That only made
Misato smiled visibly. The young teen just couldn't pull off a tough look.
"So, you're Ikari Shinji, huh?" she said, eyes back to the road.
"And you're Katsuragi Misato-san." he replied. "P-pleased to meet you."
"Yes, I'm sure." she added impishly. Nice kid, she thought. Still so innocent.
He's going to be much fun to tease. Who knows? I might even do something might
enjoy. She begun to chuckle lightly, which for some reason made Shinji feel even
more uneasy.
Her eyes widened suddenly. "That plane... it can't be! They wouldn't?!" She
turned and yelled right at Shinji's face. "GET DOWN!"
The car swerved wildly away.
And the sun came down from the sky.
edit:
Misato shielded him with her body. She pulled him tight as the car rolled. As it
did so, Shinji thought "Maybe being in here in Tokyo 3 won't be so bad after all."
"I should feel outrage," said the Farseer, miffed. "But your thoughts are our thoughts..."
"I am SURE such perversion is not surprising in the ones who spawned Slaanesh.
Enough. We care not. Get your foot out of my face, woman."
"My foot, as you put it, is connected to my base. So, stop kissing my plastic stand."
She paused. "You are trying to look up my skirt, aren't you? Aren't you?!"
"Damnation! Stop kicking me, woman!"
Shinji's mind was always the most lively when he wanted to take his attention off
something. He was grateful for their timely distraction.
"Hear your devoted servant oh bright lord! Save me! HELP!"
"Die, die and die again. Be ressurected by your Dark Gods to be killed by me again."
A power outage here keeps me from working further. I'm on the last dregs of battery power now. And that's why the God-Emperor gave us - the notebook! Made of ActualPaper?!
Or.. ::tap::tap:: I could set this aside for a while and get back to that alternative Bleach fanfic. Oh, killed in its infancy. How sad.
edit second:
Naah. She'd sound like Asuka.
I'll leave that bit out.
I must say that I find the conversations of the minis to be my favorite part of the story. Huzzah for the Tau, can't wait till they make their debut, just hope that you can incorporate them without making it look really weird. Anyway need more story, must learn what happens.
Stupid power outages. Hope you get power back soon. I know what your going through.
Stupid power outages. Hope you get power back soon. I know what your going through.