Star Trek: Sojourner

[Andrew Joshua Talon]

Until the full story is done, I'll be doing a series of short drabbles-vignettes. Snapshots of life on the Sojourner, essentially.

Here's the first that has come to me, more or less off the top of my head:

- - -

Captain Adam Carter Lee had seen a large number of strange things in his career as a Starfleet officer. And on the Sojourner, strangeness had become a way of life.

But even as he sat here on the bridge, overseeing an otherwise uneventful Alpha shift, he had a feeling he had just crossed into a whole new region of strangeness.

"Beep beep boop!" Exocomps. Sojourner had a fairly large number of the helpful little robots. According to the ship's log, many were from other Starfleet installations. Sent to the Sojourner after experiencing what originally had been termed a "malfunction".

Of course, the "malfunction" was that they had developed sentience, personalities-Even languages. Lee himself was rather fond of the little robots, primarily for how useful they were to maintenance. But this...

"Haro," he began. The Half-Bolian looked up from her station with her usual cheery smile.

"Yes sir?"

"... Exactly why do you have an exocomp on your head?" Lee asked. The exocomp beeped and remained perched on Haro's head, it's anti-gravity system keeping her comfortable. The operations officer glanced up, as though noticing the 'Comp for the first time.

"Oh! How did you get up there?" She asked with a teasing voice.

"Beep beep boop boop rrrr!" The exocomp replied. Haro nodded, and went back to work. Lee glanced over at Wyn at Tactical. The Angosian rolled her eyes.

"... Well?"

Haro glanced back up, confused. She then brightened.

"Oh! Why do I have one on my head?"

"Er, yes," Lee asked, raising an eyebrow. "That was my question..."

"Well... I don't really know," Haro shrugged. Lee blinked.

"It said something to you before... What was it?"

"Oh..." Haro shrugged. "I wouldn't know sir. I haven't the slightest idea how to understand their language and the UT doesn't translate."

Lee wondered if another captain would be suffering from a headache at this point. That he wasn't only caused a bit of concern to him. There was still the main issue.

"She said she wanted to see the bridge, and Lieutenant Haro's neural impulses are fun to scan up close," said T'Kal quietly. Lee turned and looked at the Vulcan science officer, who seemed to shift and hide her face behind her long hair. The exocomp beeped happily and floated off Haro's head, coming to a rest on T'Kal's cranium. Haro pouted.

"Awww..."

"... Carry on then," Lee shrugged, sitting down in his chair. He saw Lieutenant Koroshiya at the helm staring at the 'comp.

"Lieutenant!"

"Sir!" He started, quickly going back to his console. Lee sighed and shook his head, only glancing once more at the exocomp on T'Kal's head. It made an electronic sound similar to a purr, as the Vulcan continued to work.

Lee allowed himself a small smile and leaned back in his chair. It was a bit cute, actually... And so far, the most exciting thing to happen on this shift.

- - -

 

[Andrew Joshua Talon]

- - - -

"AUUGH! DAMN STUPID SHARK FUCKER! YOU SHARK SUCKING-!"

Lieutenant Commander Twee'lehanee!'!iek (Or simply "Tweek") was furious beyond words. He switched into his native language, clicking and squeaking and growling as he waved his tail about in fury. The object of his wrath, a little crewman, cowered under his commander.

"-WITH A BUCKET OF-!"

The assistant chief engineer, a rather bored looking Orion woman, Lieutenant (jg) Kriiba FÆye, calmly scrutinized her control console. The intermix chamber ratios were a bit off...

"-UGLY EMPTY HEADED-! WHERE DID YOU PUT MY TUNA?!"

"It's under the plasma transfer conduits, sir," FÆye called out. "Where you always put it."

The dolphin paused in his ranting. He "swam" over to the conduit, locating a sealed case. Granted, it was difficult to spot amid the various upgrades and, wellà Jury-rigged parts, but still.

He growled in irritation, and tried to reach in for it with his jaws.

"Damnit! ... Yue!"

"Me sir?" Asked another crewman with a nervous smile. Tweek snarled.

"NOT YOU! YUE! DAMN YOU HUMANS AND YOUR RIDICULOUS NAMES!"

"Sir?" The crewman who had been the object of Tweek's wrath only moments before asked. Tweek twisted around in midair.

"Retrieve my tuna!"

"Sir!" Yue took off running.

FÆye shook her head and continued her work. Really, all this terror from the Chief throwing a tantrum over his fish! They acted as though it didn't happen every other week...

ôUmà I-Is he like thisà All the time?ö

She glanced over at Ensign Enyo Talan. The Rigelian male tugged on his beaded tail of hair nervously. She smiled at the newcomer to the Sojourner crew and clapped an affectionate arm around his shoulders, to which he blushed.

ôEh, you get used to itàö

- - - -

 

[Andrew Joshua Talon]

Haro put the finishing touches on her creation and smiled, stepping back from the bulkhead. The board was in place, and the first lines were boldly stated in deep black ink.

"Lieutenant?"

Haro turned around with an impish smile at her captain, who was raising an eyebrow at her. He looked up at her creation.

"... What's that?"

"Well, Wyn's always citing rules and regulations so I decided to put up a list of rules we can break on the bridge!" She chirped cheerfully. Lee blinked, and scanned the "rule list".

"'No ogling the captain?'"

Haro giggled and leaned forward, batting her eyes. "Well, just what would the female members of the crew have to do while you're on duty, hm?"

Lee coughed, and managed to keep his composure. Haro leaned closer, eyes mischievous.

"Besides... Wyn breaks this rule all the time," she intimated with a grin.

 

[Andrew Joshua Talon]

"So babe, care to give me a check up?" Commander Dirk Castor asked, leaning suavely against the hatch frame. Kes glanced up from her medical reports, blinking innocently.

"Pardon?"

Dirk kept up his grin. "I've been feeling a bit down lately, and I was hoping to find out what's wrong."

Kes blinked again. "Okay...?"

"But I already have a feeling I know what it is," Dirk continued, stepping in with that confident smile. His gaze fell upon a framed picture on Kes's desk, and a grimace replaced his grin.

"Ugh... Er... That's a nice picture," he managed to recover. Kes glanced at what he was indicating and smiled.

"Yes, it is."

"Let me guess... Family pet?" He asked suavely. "It's good to see you look past outer appearances for your..." Dog? Hamster-man?

Kes frowned, eyes narrowing.

"Ex-boyfriend, Neelix," she stated flatly, annoyed. Dirk coughed, but wouldn't give up.

"So... You're saying I have a chance?"

 

[Andrew Joshua Talon]

Well, it seems the kind of thing to do for fictional Star Trek crews. Come up with a cast list of who you'd like to portray them in an ideal world. So, here's my list:

~Captain Adam Carter Lee
Jamie Bamber from Battlestar Galactica

~Doctor Kes
Jennifer Lien from Star Trek: Voyager

~Lieutenant Commander Decius Furius filio (Son of Max) Melvinus nepo (Grandson of Mel) tribo Foderationem (Of the tribe æFederationÆ) Castor Dirk, domo Subdiurnare (Resident of the Sojourner), goes by Dirk Castor for short. Hey, he's Roman.
Rodrigo Santoro from Lost

~Lieutenant Jeria Wyn
Summer Glau from Firefly and Serenity

~Lieutenant T'Kal
Parminder Nagra from ER

~Lieutenant Commander Twee'lehanee!'!iek (Tweek for short)
Voiced by Alan Rickman

~Lieutenant (jg) Mitena Haro
Catherine Taber, voice actress from Knights of the Old Republic

~Lieutenant (jg) William Koroshiya
Hiro Mizushima from Kamen Rider Kabuto

~Ensign Juhi Saffron
Played By Megalyn Echikunwoke from 24 and The 4400

~MCPO Leroy Jenkins
Victor Gallucci from The Bill

Am I a geek or what?

 

[Andrew Joshua Talon]

A Sojourner take on the last DS9 Episode "What You Leave Behind..."

- - -

Captain Benjamin Sisko grimaced. The massed Dominion Fleet before them was going to be tough to punch through. And it was only one fleet before the large force surrounding Cardassia.

They would do it... They had to.

"General Martok, Admiral Sela, Admiral Ross, the Defiant will spearhead the attack on their center. General, take your wing and flank them. We need to drive them into a crossfire before they can-!"

"Sir! Transwarp event detected!" Lieutenant Nog interrupted. Sisko's eyes widened.

"What?"

"It's... it's a Borg transwarp conduit sir!" Nog repeated. The air on the bridge grew deathly still. Sisko swallowed.

"Onscreen..."

A green, rotating distortion of spacetime appeared on the screen. According to the sensors it was in-between the Dominion and Allied fleets.

Not here, not now...! The Borg! Sisko grimaced. Starfleet didn't know they would try an assault now, but it made sense. The Federation, Klingons, and Romulans were weakened from this war. What better time to-?

"Sir, a vessel is coming out... It's Federation!" Commander Worf at tactical reported in shock. On the viewscreen, a tiny, silver-gray vessel emerged, at full impulse.

"Identify that ship!" Sisko ordered.

"NCC-1954, USS Sojourner," Nog reported. "She's headed straight for the Dominion fleet!"

"Open a channel!" Sisko ordered. He shook his head. He knew Captain Lee from the Saratoga. He was a fellow survivor of Wolf 359, and the exploits of his crew and ship during this war were no less impressive than many of the Defiant's.

"Open!" Ezri Dax reported.

"Defiant to-"

The screen's view changed to an image of Captain Lee, strapped into his command chair with a harness. The rest of his bridge crew were in the same restraints, their bridge looking a bit battered from recent combat.

"Captain Sisko. I suggest you have your fleet pull back a bit. It's only after us and I don't want Allied ships involved."

"What's after-?" Sisko put it together just before the massive Borg cube burst out of the conduit, turning to pursue the Sojourner. "What the hell did you do?!"

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you, trust me on this! Going to be a bit busy for a bit! Feel free to follow to pick up the pieces!" He shouted, and the viewscreen swithced back to a view of the Borg cube now blasting it's way through the Dominion fleet, hundreds of Jem'hadar and Cardassian vessels scattering, attacking, and being torn to shreds by the massive vessel. Sisko just stared, and shook his head.

"Well..." Ezri coughed, "this is... Unexpected..."

- - -

"No, no, no-!"

"Yes! Trust me!"

"You're nuts, no!"

"Yes!" Koroshiya shouted, deftly making the Sojourner barrel roll above a massive Dominion battleship. Said battleship was blasted to smithereens a few seconds later by the Borg cube, which was resolutely plowing it's way through the tightly packed fleet formations.

"Serves them right for staying so bloody close together," Lee muttered. "Tweek! Any progress on shutting down the transwarp coil?" He commed.

"Oh yes, I'd have definitely solved the problem since the fifteen seconds you last asked me!" The dolphin engineer squawked through the comm.

"Borg ship is closing! Five hundred kilometers!" Haro warned. Lee shook his head.

"Any denser formations of ships we can head for?" He asked as Sojourner rocked from a near miss. The transwarp coil was only one of several Borg devices they'd recovered from the formally derelict cube. It had been a top secret mission-Go to a dead-in-space Borg cube Starfleet Intelligence had located, loot it's technology, and bring it home for reverse-engineering to help the war effort.

It hadn't exactly gone as planned, to say the least. A Section 31 operative who had been smuggled aboard tried to reactivate the Borg ship, so they could actually fly it. While all the Borg left onboard were dead (some electrical storm had apparently disconnected the ship from the Collective), their corpses could still be moved by the will of the Collective if the connection was reestablished.

Which said idiot operative had apparently not known. To keep the Cube from heading for Earth, they'd beamed aboard and stolen the ship's transwarp coil, and then hooked it up to jump the hell away before it could pursue.

But it had pursued them, jumping into the conduit after them just before it was closed. So, Lee had done the only thing he could think of at the time-Lead the cube towards Cardassia and hope that the Dominion battlefleets would be enough to destroy it.

A few thousand ships should be enough to take out one cube, right?

And if it wasn't... Well, then they'd just given the Borg collective all the technology and firepower of the Dominion in the Alpha Quadrant. Happy thoughts...

"Another formation just went up in front of us! They're having trouble locking on!" Haro warned as a whole squadron of Cardassian warships were annihilated by a volley of Borg torpedoes.

"Bollocks... Koroshiya, just keep us out of their reach!"

"Don't worry sir... I am a leaf on the wind... Watch how I soar," he murmured, his eyes becoming a bit glazed as Sojourner activated it's warp drive just long enough to skip through a teeny, tiny gap between two Dominion carriers.

Lee shook his head at the quote from that classic scifi series. It was shiny this and gorram that ever since Haro discovered it...

Behind them it was chaos. Dominion ships fired on the Borg cube with everything they had. Jem'hadar fighters by the dozen rammed into the sides of the gigantic ship. Yet the cube continued despite the massive damage it was taking, wiping out dozens of ships in the tightly-packed formations the Dominion favored for fleet engagements. Unlike the looser formations the Federation used against Borg cubes, these just rendered the Dominion vessels easy targets, and in the chaos caused by the Cube's appearance, scores of ships trying to manuever out of the way, collisions were frequent. Friendly fire and crashes were doing even more damage than the cube as the Dominion Fleet's center was shattered.

To an outside observer it was almost comical. The Sojourner was flying for her life, her pilot executing daring, death defying manuevers through the Dominion fleet, racing for Cardassia, while the Borg cube followed it, wreaking utter destruction and havoc throughout the Jem'hadar and Cardassian lines. Finally, following the cube came the Allied fleet, using torpedoes from range to inflict even more damage on the broken Dominion formations and push through, keeping their distance from the cube so as to not invite it's wrath.

"We're through!" Koroshiya shouted. Lee nodded.

"Take us to maximum warp!" He ordered, and in seconds Sojourner leaped from Einstein's universe to Cochrane's. Behind them, the rear of the Dominion fleet shattered as the Borg cube too broke through and went to warp after it's prey. The Allied fleets pushed through, and went to warp soon after.

Historians would later remark that of all the conclusions to the Dominion War that had been speculated about... This was definitely nowhere in any projection imagined on either side. The Borg cube was destroyed in orbit of Cardassia by the massed forces of the Dominion, but the damage was done. Fully one half of the Dominion fleet was annihilated in what was later called "The Battle of the Wild Goose Chase." The remaining ships and defenses for Cardassia were easy pickings for the Allied Fleet, and after Odo gave the cure for Section 31's virus to the Founder leader, peace was soon achieved. Cardassia's casualties were significantly lighter than expected, and under Allied occupation slowly recovered.

As for the crew of the USS Sojourner, every one of them received a Christopher Pike Medal of Valor... And, an unofficial decoration known as the "Enterprise Emblem of Gallantry". The last reward being given to personnel who achieved great things through such ridiculous, stupid, improbable and heroic means that it could only be compared to what starships named Enterprise had been involved in.

- - -

 

[Andrew Joshua Talon]

Q leaned forward across the desk, grinning in Puckish delight.

Captain Lee stared back, not in awe or anger but simple confusion.

"Really, how could I have overlooked you?" Q asked with a grin. "You've caused even more destruction and chaos than Kathy's little band! And you didn't even need the hallucinagenic properties of the bar rodent's cooking to do it!"

Lee raised his eyebrows, and then looked back at his Gameboy. Q stared, waited.

"... Hello? Adam? Mars calling Adam?"

"Yes?" The captain asked, the picture of patience. Q frowned.

"This is unexpected. I'd have thought that a person of your repute would delight in finally meeting me."

"Not really."

"Oh? And why is that?" Q asked flatly.

Adam just smirked.

"Any being desperate enough to ask Janeway, of all women... And in her case, I use the term loosely... To bear their child, is clearly one who has no self-respect whatsoever."

Lee leaned forward, smirk growing.

"So, forgive me if I'm not more excited, because scarily enough? I've met people like you before."

For possibly the first time in billions of years, a Q was left speechless.

 

[jaredstar]

you may have posted in another thead i may have missed it. but what is this lee fellows beef with janeway

 

[Andrew Joshua Talon]

you may have posted in another thead i may have missed it. but what is this lee fellows beef with janeway

Well, I haven't posted it yet (because the first story is still not done), but in essence, Lee court martialed Janeway when he was in the JAG before she took command of Voyager. It was due to an incident wherein Janeway failed to render assistance to a world under attack by the Cardassians in neutral space on the grounds of the Prime Directive (The world in question had not developed warp drive, but had developed subspace communications technology, with which they tried to ask for help).

Janeway had more admirals backing her than Lee, and as the case was rather weak to begin with, Lee lost and subsequently he was reassigned to Sojourner by, you guessed it, Janeway's sponsors. She was being groomed as the next Kirk and they didn't want anyone messing with her again.

Hence, Lee's beef with Janeway.

 

[SoulGriever13]

I'm also left wondering if Tweek's ancestry includes the individual in your sig ... because that would so fit.

Other than that, good fun as always AJ. Keep at it.

-Griever

 

[trevelyan1983]

You used DS9. AJ, I freakin' love you.

Now I'm going to have to read this whole thing from the start.

 

[Andrew Joshua Talon]

Well, until we get the actual script done (Captain Sarcasm is my co-writer), I'm afraid all I've got to offer are short snippets and the like. Still, I hope you enjoy.

Also, we're giving the captain a new name: Adam Carter, as Adam Lee is, well... Meh. But for the purposes of this thread he's Captain Adam Lee.

- - - -

Kes grimaced. Adam grinned.

"This is not funny, Captain."

"I'm trying very hard to see why not..."

She sighed and smoothed down the white apron over her blue dress. She turned to examine herself in the mirror, turning from side to side. She flushed.

"See? You fit the role perfectly," the captain said. Kes rolled her eyes.

"Just because I ended up here with no idea of how I got here, and am surrounded by colorful characters on a daily basis does not mean that..."

The door to sickbay opened, and Haro strode in, adjusting a green top hat.

"Hey Captain! Hey Kes! Like my casual wear?" She asked, spinning around to show off her expertly-replicated Mad Hatter costume. Kes sighed, daring to look at her captain despite the fact she knew that smirk would be on his face.

"Not a word, Cheshire Cat. Not a word."

- - - - -

Wyn stood in front of her security teams, her icy glare leveled at them all. T'Kal, standing nearby, kept up her Vulcan calm for the most part, while Tweek's dolphin grin remained the same.

"You're telling me that you all pitched in to build this..." She gestured at the large mechanical monstrosity now sitting in the cargo bay. "This...!"

"Mechanized Humanoid Fighting Machine, sir!" Savern answered promptly. Wyn glowered at him.

"A giant robot. A giant robot. You built a giant robot for combat operations..."

And here, things took a turn for the disturbing, as Wyn did something that would make Haro glomp the stuffing out of her.

She pouted.

"And you didn't tell me until now?"

"Um... Happy birthday, sir?" Suggested one of the security officers, Fong. Tweek snorted.

"You'd better appreciate all this, Beansprout..."

 

[Watashiwa]

*grins*

I remember this! Oh, how I cackled. There is much fun to be had with the WTF?!? randomness that the Star Trek universe can provide.

Quick question: I seem to remember you saying that you were a fellow Farscape fan (alliteration FTW). Any chance of a random cross dimensoinal encounter?

 

[Andrew Joshua Talon]

One of the problems we've faced is in conveying that the Sojourner crew are misfits and screwups when they're obviously a lot more competent that the crew of Voyager. But then that's the point-Where Voyager screws up and calls it "noble" or "tragic" or blame it on technobabble and fix it in thirty minutes, the Sojourner screwups don't.

Hard to put a sun back together... Or other things, as hopefully you'll see when we get this thing online. Anyway, more random zaniness and some actual science, which I hopefully applied correctly.

- - - -

"And... There! Done!" Haro said cheerfully as she finished inputting the final lines of codes into her program. "That's that!"

"What's that?" Wyn asked. Haro grinned.

"This is my new communications program Fedora! When activated, it will allow us to use the new quantum entanglement-based commbadges."

Wyn glanced over at T'Kal, who nodded, a small Exocomp perched on her head.

"Essentially, it uses a communications matrix based on the concept of quantum entanglement, wherein the quantum states of two or more objects are linked together no matter the distance between them." The half-Vulcan tilted her head.

"In essence, the communications matrixes between the commbadges of this system are linked in such a way that instead of transmitting information in a conventional way between them, information input into one commbadge is output from another commbadge thanks to the phenomenon of wave function collapse. Applying this from the quantum scale to the macro-scale has been one of the biggest challenges facing us."

"This sounds like quite a breakthrough... So why are we getting this technology?" Wyn asked flatly. T'Kal glanced over at Haro, who grinned.

"Well, for one, it was one of T'Kal's projects when she was on the T'Kumbra. Two, nobody's been able to get it to work reliably enough for it to be practical. And three, well... Nobody took this idea seriously for some reason. I mean, communications without actual information exchange? Pretty wild stuff."

"Ah," Wyn said. That made perfect sense. "So, are you running simulations...?"

"We already did that," Haro said. T'Kal nodded.

"Therefore..."

"Oh no," Wyn growled. "No! You are not just testing this out of the blue!"

"No pun intended," Saffron mumbled. Koroshiya, at the helm, snickered. Haro pouted and moved to hug Wyn.

"Awww, but Wynnnieee, we've worked so hard on this!"

"Did you ask the captain?" Wyn asked flatly, as she pushed Haro away. The half-Bolian spun back to her station like a ballerina, smiling broadly.

"Oh, you know he'd approve! C'mon, it'll be great! It's the ultimate communications technology!"

"Remember the last 'great' experiment you two had?" Koroshiya quipped. T'Kal and Haro looked at eachother for a moment.

"We had no way of knowing that the modifications to the transporter would cause everything to come out of it to explode," T'Kal said honestly. Haro nodded enthusiastically.

"Yeah! I mean, it turned a magnolia into pure anti... Magnolia. Who could have predicted that?"

"You should have," Wyn said flatly. Haro pouted.

"C'mon Wynnie! Just one test? One little, itsy bitsy, teeny weeny test?"

"Sure, what's the worst that could happen?" Koroshiya said dryly. Haro stuck her tongue out at him, as T'Kal cleared her throat.

"We only modified two commbadges with this system, Lieutenant. I believe it will be safe enough."

"Are there commbadges attached to anyone?" Wyn asked sternly. Haro and T'Kal shook their heads.

"Nope!"

"No."

"Just laying around," Haro said.

"We have the conventional communications system set up to record them from my lab, where they are isolated," T'Kal said. Wyn sighed, and pinched the bridge of her nose. Sometimes she really hated being third in command... Or the fact that she actually was curious about what Haro and T'Kal had cooked up.

"... The lab is clear of anyone who could be affected, right?"

"Right!" Haro said cheerfully. T'Kal nodded. Wyn sighed.

"All right... Go for it."

"YAY!" Haro squealed, leaping over her console to glomp Wyn from behind. Wyn gritted her teeth and gripped the armrests of the captain's chair.

"Haro... Those are my boobs."

"Yes they are!"

"Let go of them."

"Awww..."

- - - -

For the first few moments of the experiment, nothing happened. Haro and T'Kal tried to get the commbadges to work by input of some simple signals into one at a time. Wyn held her breath. True, it wasn't working, but it also wasn't blowing up, so...

"Hello? Hello? This is Lieutenant Mitena Haro, USS Sojourner. Can you hear me?"

The bridge crew collectively blinked. CPO Rawlins stared at Haro, who also looked wide-eyed.

"Hellooo! Other me? Can you hear me? I mean, you! Can you hear you?" The communicator transmitted. Haro's eyes grew very big, and even T'Kal looked shocked.

For a Vulcan, anyway.

"Uhhh... This is Lieutenant Mitena Haro... USS Sojourner..." Haro replied. The other Haro sighed.

"Oh good... Listen, we were testing our-"

"Quantum entanglement based commbadges. We too were doing that," T'Kal answered. The other T'Kal cleared her throat.

"It would appear that we are communicating between universes then."

"Yeah..." Haro said. "Hey, is your Wyn beating her head against the wall too?"

"Yes. It's kind of cute, actually."

"IT IS NOT CUTE!" Two voice rang out on the bridge, both Wyn. Haro cringed.

"Ah, er... So! How's your universe?"

"It's fine."

"Did the Packers win last year's Superbowl?" T'Kal asked. The other T'Kal sighed.

"Unfortunately no."

"That is most disheartening," T'Kal said.

"I concur."

"Hey! Hey! Does your universe have President Janeway?" Other Haro asked.

"No, thank God," Koroshiya said. "Does yours have that?"

"Yes... Does that make ours the evil universe?" Other Haro asked.

"Well, I know I don't have a goatee," other Koroshiya said.

- - - - -

Possibly appearing as an episode... Sometime.

 

[Andrew Joshua Talon]

*grins*

I remember this!? Oh, how I cackled.? There is much fun to be had with the WTF?!? randomness that the Star Trek universe can provide.

Quick question: I seem to remember you saying that you were a fellow Farscape fan (alliteration FTW).? Any chance of a random cross dimensoinal encounter?

Maybe...

 

[Andrew Joshua Talon]

Oh what the hell, I may as well continue writing. Like I said, this is a work in progress and after the crap Trek has been for the last decade, I may as well show our vision off in an effort to get people to remember the good times and look forward to the good that can be done with this universe.

Before Berman. Before Voyager.

(Dramatic reverb)

- - -

Seven of Nine, now Annika Hansen, had been looking forward to her first assignment under Admiral Janeway-Inspection of the USS Sojourner, a ship now under Janeway's juresdiction. It's colorful service history had made Janeway bring out her "big gun", so to speak, and was confident that Seven could accomplish a simple inspection of a rather unique vessel under her command.

"You can't do this! You will be court martialed! You will never get away with this!"

Seven cried out, struggling against her bonds. They were synthetic, ultra-strong ropes that seemed to be tied around her in the Japanese art of shibari. It was a most efficient way to hold her captive, she couldn't help but note even as she glowered at Captain Lee and his crew.

The Martian native and the rest of the crew were in their standard uniforms, but with various pirate-like garb over them. The captain himself wore a tri-corner hat and a long, leather coat, grinning with a cutlass in one hand and a phaser in the other. Flanking him was his chief of security, Lieutenant Jeria Wyn, wearing a bandanna and optical targeting sensor over one eye, much like an eyepatch. She gave the former Borg drone an unsympathetic expression.

To the left of the captain, Lieutenant (jg) Mitena Haro had gone the full pirate-wench route, a low-cut white shirt, a miniskirt, striped leggings and large hoop earrings. She had an Exocomp on one shoulder, like a parrot.

"Arrr... Captain, the wench speaks falsely!" Executive officer Commander Furius Decimus Melvinus Foderationem Castor Dirk (Or "Dirk Castor", as he preferred) stated, also decked out in pirate regalia and poking Seven with a stick. Lee nodded, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Argh, that she does, first mate, that she does."

"I have not spoken falsely!" Seven growled.

"Ye compared the crew of our fine ship to 'a gaggle of lemmings', wench," Lieutenant T'Kal, the half-Vulcan science officer, said in her usual monotone voice. She sat at her station with an Exocomp on her head, and an eyepatch.

"Arrr! That be a grave insult, Captain! Shall we make her walk the plank, argh?" Haro asked. Several other crewmembers took up the cry.

"Argh! Make her walk!" Koroshiya enthused.

"Toss her overboard!" Williams cheered.

"Make her wear actual clothes!" Anya Freud tossed in.

"Arr!"

"Arrr!"

"Enough, ya bilgerats!" Captain Lee stated, stepping forward. He raised his sword, and Seven glared back at him, defiantly waiting for his next move. To her surprise (and further humiliation), he used the broad side of his sword to make her spin from the ceiling.

"Uggghhh! Captain, this is-This is intolerable! You will be severely punished for this, I assure you-!"

"Quiet, wench!" Haro shouted. Lee shot her a look, and Haro looked down glumly.

"Now, it seems to me that this wench may be just a mite confused about how we do things here. The good ship Sojourner has not had visitors for quite some time!"

"Argh!"

"Arr!"

"So, we may have been a wee bit hasty about trussing her up like a Christmas turkey," Lee continued, still pushing Seven around to make her spin.

"It was Haro who did the trussing, sir," Saffron tattled from communications. Haro looked contrite as Lee glared at her.

"Well... I haven't been able to do any Japanese rope tying for so long and-!"

"I'll not have your excuses, Lieutenant!" Lee snarled. "You were hopin' to have your wicked way with her, weren't you?"

"... Maybe?" Haro admitted. She then glomped the stoic Wyn.

"Don't hate me for my wandering eyes, love!"

"Would you get off me you crazy-?!"

The turbolift doors opened, and Doctor Kes stepped inside. Her eyesbrows went up to her hairline.

"What in the...?"

"Arr... Hello, Doctor! We were just debatin' what to do with the prisoner!" Castor shouted. Seven looked pleadingly at Kes.

"PLEASE! Doctor, get me down! End this madness before-!"

"Captain," Kes growled, glaring at Lee. The captain gulped.

"Well... We were just, you know... Having a bit of fun... Hazing the new girl..."

"I didn't go through this kind of hazing," Kes said flatly.

"No, but then again you didn't come here on behalf of Empress Janeway. Oh, yeah, uh, arr," Koroshiya noted. Kes crossed her arms over her chest and glared harder at the captain.

"It was... Just meant in fun... And we did haze you a bit when you became a member of the crew." Lee said.

"True... That was fun. This doesn't look like fun for her though," she said flatly.

"THIS IS NOT FUN! THIS IS AN OUTRAGE!" Seven shouted. Kes ignored the captive, her wrath still being directed at the captain.

"... This is better than the witch burning hazing, right?" Lee asked. Kes considered it, looking at Seven with an unreadable expression. Seven looked at Kes beseechingly.

"Please Doctor! Just save me from these lunatics and-MMPH?!"

Kes smiled as she withdrew her hands. Seven mumbled around the ball gag in her mouth, eyes growing wide in fear and disbelief.

"Don't worry, Miss Hansen. This is just so you can feel like one of us! All of us went through something like this." She turned to Lee and smiled broadly. A smile the captain happily returned.

"So... Walk the plank?" Lee asked. Kes grinned and nodded.

"Walk the plank! ARR!"

"ARR!"

"ARRR!"

"ARRHHH!"

"MMMMMPPHHHH!" Seven cried out as she was hauled off.

- - - -

To be continued...

 

[jaredstar]

okay give me a minute my brain just broke from the image of Seven tied up.


okay i'm back this is funny funny stuff i fell out of my chair




that being said i am confident that any universe with Janeway as leader of federation would be in good hands

 

[Andrew Joshua Talon]

okay give me a minute my brain just broke from the image of Seven tied up.


okay i'm back this is funny funny stuff i fell out of my chair




that being said i am confident that any universe with Janeway as leader of federation would be in good hands

Thanks! I'm glad you liked it.

And... I hope you were being sarcastic about that last part. Really.

- - - -

"MMMPH! MMMPH!" Seven pled frantically as she was blindfolded. She attempted to use her ocular sensor system to scan where she was going, but to her shock she found it was being jammed.

"Thank you Haro, arr! The wench shouldn't be allowed to see 'er doom!" Lee said somewhere nearby. Haro laughed.

"Not a problem, captain! Arr!"

"MMPH! MMPH! HHMPH!" Seven cried out. Some of the ropes she was bound in were released, and she could stand up again. Captain Lee cleared his throat.

"Now then, Seven O' Nine, Annika Hansen-Ye've been found guilty of slander against the good ship Sojourner and her crew of scalawags! How do ye plead?"

"MMPH! HMMPH!"

"I think she said 'guilty', Captain!" Kes announced with a wicked cackled that sent shivers down Seven's spine. She hadn't known the Ocampan very well while she was on Voyager, but even the records she'd perused to fill in the blanks had not shed light on the fact the Doctor was a sadist.

"Arrr! Then she walks the plank!" Lee shouted.

"ARR!"

"ARRRGH!"

"NNMMPH! MMPH! MMMPHHHH!" Seven tried to get out through the gag as she was pushed onto what indeed felt like a plank under her feet. She struggled against her bonds even as she was pushed ever closer to certain doom.

"It's a short little walk bound for eternity! Yo-ho and blow the man down!" Was sung by the crew around her.

"May Davy Jones find a pretty box to keep you in! Arr hahahahaha!" Castor called out. Seven kicked out her feet, feeling nothing beneath her. She panicked as she fell, weightless, into the abyss.

"MMMMMMMMMMPPPPPPPPPPPHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

Falling... Falling...

And just as quickly... The blindfold was taken off. She blinked as she found herself looking into the faces of the Sojourner crew.

Seven was let down, and she looked to see that she had "landed" above an anti-grav generator. She was quickly untied, and left to stand staring at the smirking Captain.

"All right then... Welcome aboard the USS Sojourner, Miss Hansen." His smile still held a sadistic glint to it... But she wasn't falling into oblivion, which was better. She glared up at him.

"An illusion?"

"You're too stiff. We decided to loosen you up a bit!" Haro chirped. Wyn rolled her eyes.

"Even I agreed with that assessment..."

"Which is ironic!" Haro added. Wyn rolled her eyes, as Castor grinned.

"Sir! Shall I dismiss the crew back to their regular duties?"

"You may, Commander. Do so!" Lee ordered. Castor nodded.

"Attention on deck!"

In unision, the crew snapped to attention.

"Dismissed!" Castor ordered, and the crew headed off, out of the messhall. Seven was left to stare after them with Kes, who just shook her head with a fond smile.

"Is it... Like this all the time?" Seven asked. Kes shook her head.

"Nah... Sometimes it's even more hectic. But you'll do just fine Seven. They're good people..." Kes shrugged.

"They're just... A bit unusual, that's all..."

Seven nodded. "That... Is an understatement."

"Hey... At least they didn't try to determine if you weighed the same as a duck," Kes countered.

- - - -

 

[jaredstar]

i was being 90 percent sarcastic (on the whole i enjoyed voyager and have no problems with janeway)

 

[Watashiwa]

Eh. I enjoyed Voyager because it had a deeper feel to it than the other Trek stuff. More desperation, less "If someone dies we can just head home and grab some red-shirts".

That said, it never did feel very Trekkie, so I can see how people would be irritated.

As for making this into something more than a fanfiction: GO FOR IT!!! This is the second time today that I've read something about trying to make a fanwork canonical. The other was a Baldur's Gate II project written by a modder as a description of what happens to Jon Irenicus of Baldur's Gate II (Shadows of Amn) fame after the player defeats him. It's called "Bitter Grey Ashes", and it's impressive, especially if you've played the game.

 

[Andrew Joshua Talon]

Eh.? I enjoyed Voyager because it had a deeper feel to it than the other Trek stuff.? More desperation, less "If someone dies we can just head home and grab some red-shirts".

That said, it never did feel very Trekkie, so I can see how people would be irritated.

As for making this into something more than a fanfiction: GO FOR IT!!!? This is the second time today that I've read something about trying to make a fanwork canonical.? The other was a Baldur's Gate II project written by a modder as a description of what happens to Jon Irenicus of Baldur's Gate II (Shadows of Amn) fame after the player defeats him.? It's called "Bitter Grey Ashes", and it's impressive, especially if you've played the game.

Gah. I would just like to state for the record that I think Voyager sucked. Enterprise was the only thing worse than this shit. Hence, Star Trek: Pathfinder/Sojourner will not only be Trek, but it will take a less serious view of the Trek universe.

I mean, this is the same universe where people turn into salamanders at Warp 10 which, for some reason, is infinite speed. This is the same universe where Janeway, who helped the Borg, cheerfully committed genocide, and got her crew stranded because she didn't think of a fuse, is an admiral. And this is the same universe where the Borg, the most menacing threat to life period, was slowly reduced to crapola.

So yeah... Mucho mockery ahead, kiddies. Though in fairness, we're going to establish that at least half the crappy Voyager adventures were all in the minds of the crew because of Neelix's cooking.

Well, we'll try to find a way to turn this into more than a fanfiction. The question, of course, is how...

EDIT: I found out how.

Get an agent, publish as many good scripts as you can and get enough credibility to maybe get your agent to go pitch for you at Paramount.

Damnit. Knew I should have begun writing this script when I was 18...

 

[Andrew Joshua Talon]

So instead of trying to turn this idea into an actual series, Captain Sarcasm and I will wait for the Star Trek Online MMO game to come out so we can create a Machinima series off of it.

I don't have more snippets to share, but I do have character designs:

Lieutenant (jg) William Koroshiya. Still a fighter pilot at heart.

Lieutenant (jg) Mitena Haro. She loves tiny miniskirts.

Lieutenant Jeria Wyn, formally Captain Jeria Wyn of the Starfleet Marines. As you can see, not someone to mess with.

Lieutenant T'Kal of Wisconsin. Quiet even for a Vulcan except when the odd mood swing hits her.

Doctor Kes. Chief medical officer. She doesn't need the glasses for her eyesight, but they do provide a HUD for medical data in treating patients. A gift from Haro.

Commander Decius Furius Melvinus Castor Dirk, though he usually just goes by "Dirk Castor" when he's not among his people, the Magna Romans. Despite his appearance he's a fun guy-Just really, really lousy with women.

And last, but not least, Captain Adam Carter Lee. He got into the habit of wearing his hat wherever he went and he's not about to stop now.

More art to come as it comes.