I just had to do it.
Lord Vetinari by habit rose so early that bedtime was merely an excuse to change his clothes. That being the case the sun arose in the sky to find the Patrician of Anhk-Morpork sitting at his desk holding a missive in his hand. Now Vetinari never did anything without a reason, and today was not an exception. Lord Vetinari dropped the missive on the desk and reached for the little bell, upon reaching the little bell he rung it. A loud gong was heard throughout the whole Patrician's Palace and within seconds Drumknott raced into his Lordship's office.
"Yes your Lordship, you rang?" asked Drumknott.
"Ah, Drumknott," said Lord Vetinari, "just go and tell the headmaster of Hogwarts he wants a word with me, will you?"
"At once your Lordship." said Drumknott, "and will that be in chains or no chains your Lordship?"
"No chains Drumknott, I have a proposal that he will agree to as if he thought of it himself." replied Lord Vetinari.
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Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore wondered again for the hundreth time what he was doing here.
'Der Patrician will see you now,' said the troll.
There was the reason for him being here but Dumbledore did wonder who this 'Patrician' was and why would he be seeing him, still best to tell the troll first.
'I don't have an appointment with Lord Vetinari!' stated Dumbledore
"Ah, well," said the troll, "you'd be amazed at how many people has appointments wid der Patrician an' dey don't know it."
At that point Drumknott arrived and ushered in Dumbledore into his Lordship's office. Upon entering the office Dumbledore noticed a room bare of any furniture except for a desk and two chairs. One chair was behind the desk and was occupied by a tall, pale, slim man about in his 50's wearing nothing but black clothing. The other chair was in front of the desk and appeared to be very comfortable, with a high cushioned back, padded arms, and a cushioned seat as well. The only ornament that was in the room was a clock.
Now we beg your indulgance, but let us examine this clock further for a moment we can honestly say that it will be worth your time for you see this clock was very special. While it does keep time accurately enough, it sometimes ticks and tocks out of sync (example: "tick, tock... ticktocktick, tock...") and occasionally misses a tick or tock altogether, which has the net effect of turning your brain "into a sort of porridge". Presumably Vetinari paid the maker quite a lot of money for this feature.
That being said let us now focus our attention on the Patrician of Anhk-Morpork. Despite being technically a dictator, Lord Vetinari does not exercise the despotic rule that characterised some of his predecessors. He is, in fact, the archetype of a benevolent dictator, in a chilly, inscrutable way. In fact, he permits the emergence of a free press, and has rarely, if ever, been known to drag innocent people off to dungeons without trial. The dungeons of the palace held a number of felons imprisoned "at his lordship's pleasure", and since Lord Vetinari was seldom very pleased they were generally in for the long haul. The notable exception to this rule are mimes, who Vetinari despises for some unknown reason. Vetinari banned all mime performances from Ankh-Morpork shortly after taking power. Mimes who violate the ban usually find themselves trying to climb invisible ladders out of Vetinari's scorpion pit whilst reading a sign saying "learn the words."
While he is just as unpopular as those that came before him, Lord Vetinari is disturbingly sane and still alive- unlike his predecessors. He has achieved this by ensuring that even though all power-wielding groups in the city dislike him, they dislike each other more. He also carefully arranges matters so that a reality which includes him as Patrician is slightly better than one which does not. The Assassins' Guild no longer accepts contracts on the Patrician û he is the only person besides Samuel Vimes to have been taken off the register. He had the highest "official" price ever: 1 Million Ankh-Morpork Dollars
It should be noted that his rule of the city is likened to a room full of tension, with people bickering and shouting at one another, and "in the middle of it all, one man quietly doing his own thing". Other reasons for the Patrician's continued rule include his mastery of diplomacy and manipulation of human nature, his distant and menacing air, his everpresent calmness and composure which make other people ill at ease, his abilities as a listener (often people tell him things simply to fill his silence) and of course his very, very good skills as an Assassin.
Morporkians are, however, in no doubt that Vetinari is firmly in charge of the city; the political system of Ankh-Morpork is described as "One Man, One Vote", in which Vetinari is the Man, and he has the Vote. In the attempted take over of the city by the Clacks company, a telegraph company, he first appears to avoid meddling in the affairs of private business, but suddenly exercises his executive power in closing several prominent banks for an audit. While Vetinari could have ordered an investigation of the Clacks company and their financial endeavors at any time, it is worth noting that he did not do so until public opinion allowed it û only then did he proclaim his right as a "tyrant" to launch such an inquiry. Vetinari is broadly tolerant of individual rights, but highly intolerant of people who place their own interests above those of the city.
That's all I could come up with right now I also wanted to add in how Dumbledore will want Havelock to take in the "Boy who Lived" because of some distant relative and I wanted to work in how young Harry will be spending half the year with Granny Weatherwax and Nanny Ogg then just as he leaves for Hogwarts he is given the Luggage and Greebo decides to join Harry to terrorize house goblins and expand his harem at Hogwarts. Unfortunately I gotta take care of my kids right now.
