Xander-sou Inn
- Thread starter Get-lost
- Start date
I am not the best at examining grammar (as I have found out from those who looked at my story) so I'll leave that to others who are better than I. Story-wise I think this is WIN.
:yay:
Now the only question remains is: Are you going to go into further detail on what warped Xander's personality? I saw that you changed who he dressed as on the Halloween debacle, and I do not recognize the character you choose. I guess it could be an original mage, but ::shrug:: knowing how crossovers go, you had to have been inspired by something for it.
The story is great so far and I can't help but ask for moar.
This looks like it will be really interesting with the dynamics between the Mahora group and the Hinata group, especially since you now have Su on a pervert creation hunt. :rofl: :cumdrool:
I will avoid talking about any pairings since you have your mind made up for them, but how will Negi be incorporated, if at all? Does Asuna and Konoka know about magic now, or were they told some cock-and-bull story about assassins or such to explain what happened? Will Xander be told about the danger around his new residents so that he can prepare? What types of magic does Xander know? You have not shown him use any as of yet.
:hail: :hail: :hail: :hail:
:yay:
Now the only question remains is: Are you going to go into further detail on what warped Xander's personality? I saw that you changed who he dressed as on the Halloween debacle, and I do not recognize the character you choose. I guess it could be an original mage, but ::shrug:: knowing how crossovers go, you had to have been inspired by something for it.
The story is great so far and I can't help but ask for moar.
This looks like it will be really interesting with the dynamics between the Mahora group and the Hinata group, especially since you now have Su on a pervert creation hunt. :rofl: :cumdrool:
I will avoid talking about any pairings since you have your mind made up for them, but how will Negi be incorporated, if at all? Does Asuna and Konoka know about magic now, or were they told some cock-and-bull story about assassins or such to explain what happened? Will Xander be told about the danger around his new residents so that he can prepare? What types of magic does Xander know? You have not shown him use any as of yet.
:hail: :hail: :hail: :hail:
I haven't shown him susing any but I refered to two separate spells that should point you in the right direction.
As for who he dressed up as yes, it's an oc simply becuase I knew what i wanted but didn't know alot about any one who might have fit close to that.
Will Negi show up? I dunno but if enough people show interest in it then yes I'll definitely work him in.
Does Konoka know about the rebel/rogue group? I think she had known about them in canon, or at least since some time just before the show starts. She probably has no idea how serious they are though. I doubt her guardian, Setsuna, didn't know it, since it'd be stupid not to keep her appraised about something she needed to know about in regards to threats to her charge. She knew and would never have kept it from Konoka.
I'm not 100 percent sure what Asuna knows but assume every one else does.
As for the magic thing? Asuna has been shown, in MSN when they went back in time, to know Negi's father Nagi even though she doesn't currently remember her past past she's supposed to be like 27-32 in reality and a magic kingdom princess. All signs point to the fact that yes she has always known about Magic. The real question is has she repressed it? Near the end of of MSN, like in the 20's episode wise, she says something like so it really happened in response to a dream about the demon she made that deal with shortly before her birthday party. I'm going to say if she's been suppressing it then she's probably been ignoring any magic she has seen.
As for Konoka and magic I think that she had been going to meetings for her father or grandfather's magic associations for part of the last year before the show starts. Here the answer is yes she knows about magic, after all she's surrounded by wizards and her family is full of them. I doubt that it's possible for them to keep it quiet from her simply because of the sheer volume of it around her.
Group dynamics are not always going to be nice and friendly since at least a couple of them are going to clash but those should show themselves rather quickly. I won't say who now but it should show itself next chapter or the one after that depending upon how long it takes me to recap what was going on durning those three or four days at Hinata sou that you weren't shown.
Edit: Stuid kids hitting the enter button with their elbows.
As for who he dressed up as yes, it's an oc simply becuase I knew what i wanted but didn't know alot about any one who might have fit close to that.
Will Negi show up? I dunno but if enough people show interest in it then yes I'll definitely work him in.
Does Konoka know about the rebel/rogue group? I think she had known about them in canon, or at least since some time just before the show starts. She probably has no idea how serious they are though. I doubt her guardian, Setsuna, didn't know it, since it'd be stupid not to keep her appraised about something she needed to know about in regards to threats to her charge. She knew and would never have kept it from Konoka.
I'm not 100 percent sure what Asuna knows but assume every one else does.
As for the magic thing? Asuna has been shown, in MSN when they went back in time, to know Negi's father Nagi even though she doesn't currently remember her past past she's supposed to be like 27-32 in reality and a magic kingdom princess. All signs point to the fact that yes she has always known about Magic. The real question is has she repressed it? Near the end of of MSN, like in the 20's episode wise, she says something like so it really happened in response to a dream about the demon she made that deal with shortly before her birthday party. I'm going to say if she's been suppressing it then she's probably been ignoring any magic she has seen.
As for Konoka and magic I think that she had been going to meetings for her father or grandfather's magic associations for part of the last year before the show starts. Here the answer is yes she knows about magic, after all she's surrounded by wizards and her family is full of them. I doubt that it's possible for them to keep it quiet from her simply because of the sheer volume of it around her.
Group dynamics are not always going to be nice and friendly since at least a couple of them are going to clash but those should show themselves rather quickly. I won't say who now but it should show itself next chapter or the one after that depending upon how long it takes me to recap what was going on durning those three or four days at Hinata sou that you weren't shown.
Edit: Stuid kids hitting the enter button with their elbows.
Like most "Xander-Stu"s.
This seems somewhat amusing.
The name, though, clashes.
I like reading stories featuring Xander most of the time. Especially if it's legible and mostly proofread.
Had to skim through the introductory chapter. Way too much exposition. Probably would have been better covered in snippets of flashbacks that show up every now and then. Got down to serious reading when the childhood got covered.
Had two things bug me. One, the name. For someone that was supposedly born in Japan and is supposed to be Japanse, why the hell is he named "Alexander"? Sure, we know he's Xander; he knows he's Xander. He's replacing Keitaro though, so why not name him Keitaro? Or, if you want to use the "Protector of Man" angle, change his name to Mamoru, which is a verb that means "defend" or "protect".
Second thing that bugged me. Author note concerning lolicon. Lolicon refers to the pervert, not the girl being perved on. Loli refers to the girl.
This seems somewhat amusing.
The name, though, clashes.
I like reading stories featuring Xander most of the time. Especially if it's legible and mostly proofread.
Had to skim through the introductory chapter. Way too much exposition. Probably would have been better covered in snippets of flashbacks that show up every now and then. Got down to serious reading when the childhood got covered.
Had two things bug me. One, the name. For someone that was supposedly born in Japan and is supposed to be Japanse, why the hell is he named "Alexander"? Sure, we know he's Xander; he knows he's Xander. He's replacing Keitaro though, so why not name him Keitaro? Or, if you want to use the "Protector of Man" angle, change his name to Mamoru, which is a verb that means "defend" or "protect".
Second thing that bugged me. Author note concerning lolicon. Lolicon refers to the pervert, not the girl being perved on. Loli refers to the girl.
Does Xander have power? Sure but for the most part he's only going to use the larger part of it if something really shitty happens or a situation really calls for it. He isn't going to go blasting random gang memebers with fireballs or worse for no real reason other then to make him look spiffy with his leet fireballing skillz. That's not this Xander at all.
He doesn't look like Keitaro (something about tallow?) so therefore he isn't named that. I had not thought about it but I'll go back and add a scene near the end of chapter one to explain his name fully and and what exactly he looks like.
The lolicon thing was off at the bottom, thank you. I should have been more specific in reguards to that I guess. In the body when I use it I'm speecifically refering to Xander being a perverted Lolicon as I'm sure you can see but down below I'm pretty sure that's more clear now.
Did I give too much away in the begginning? Maybe, but there is are things that I did not go into that are bigger then what I gave up. Such as what all has happened to Xander and who exactly is the person, who is an oc , that he dressed up as. What else besides what the god said made him want to give up his former life. Then there is that fact that the plot has not been touched much.
Meh, I've never really been all that great at shit like that, i always feel like I'm not saying enough. Do you think I should get rid of the whole conversation about what happened in the other world? I probably would not have put that in about the others if I had meant to include any of them here. They just aren't important to the story other than as a means to get Xander to agree to what the God is thinking. If it's something else that's too much then let me know and I'll look at it and see what I can do with it.
I was pretty sure most of that exposition only had to do with things that would not reapear in the plot much like what would happen to certain people afterward, or like his guilt about some of the deaths which isn't really any kind of surprise if you watched canon.
You think I should simply rewrite the whole thing and give nothing away? If I did that I'm not sure I could come up with a reasonable explination for him having all of the flashbacks to a converstaion you guys haven't seen with out making it look like he's brooding. That is not the kind of Xander I'm writing. Which would leave me with simply giving you a very brief explination of it at some point and leaving most of to your imagination.
He doesn't look like Keitaro (something about tallow?) so therefore he isn't named that. I had not thought about it but I'll go back and add a scene near the end of chapter one to explain his name fully and and what exactly he looks like.
The lolicon thing was off at the bottom, thank you. I should have been more specific in reguards to that I guess. In the body when I use it I'm speecifically refering to Xander being a perverted Lolicon as I'm sure you can see but down below I'm pretty sure that's more clear now.
Did I give too much away in the begginning? Maybe, but there is are things that I did not go into that are bigger then what I gave up. Such as what all has happened to Xander and who exactly is the person, who is an oc , that he dressed up as. What else besides what the god said made him want to give up his former life. Then there is that fact that the plot has not been touched much.
Meh, I've never really been all that great at shit like that, i always feel like I'm not saying enough. Do you think I should get rid of the whole conversation about what happened in the other world? I probably would not have put that in about the others if I had meant to include any of them here. They just aren't important to the story other than as a means to get Xander to agree to what the God is thinking. If it's something else that's too much then let me know and I'll look at it and see what I can do with it.
I was pretty sure most of that exposition only had to do with things that would not reapear in the plot much like what would happen to certain people afterward, or like his guilt about some of the deaths which isn't really any kind of surprise if you watched canon.
You think I should simply rewrite the whole thing and give nothing away? If I did that I'm not sure I could come up with a reasonable explination for him having all of the flashbacks to a converstaion you guys haven't seen with out making it look like he's brooding. That is not the kind of Xander I'm writing. Which would leave me with simply giving you a very brief explination of it at some point and leaving most of to your imagination.
Chapter one had been rewritten. I hope it's better like this. If it is I'll probably try and edit the first part of chapter two as well as various other parts of two as well as three to at least put in some more Keitaro. It won't ever be much more then glimpses to show how things are turning out there but it'll be more then nothing at all. That as well as making sure two and three now fit with the new chapter one.
Edit: Chapter two has been edited to get rid of a chunk of the exposition and add a bit of Keitaro in Buffyland.
Edit: Chapter two has been edited to get rid of a chunk of the exposition and add a bit of Keitaro in Buffyland.