Akamatsuverse A Plight of Fancy

EagleCeres · Apr 30, 2012

Aaaand here's another fic start up the Muse just HAD to keep me awake with the other night after I browsed the Idea Thread. It's nowhere near finished, but If anyone would like to contribute, feel free to post or PM me.

Many thanks to Ordo and Lord Raa for comments, concerns and feedback.

As always, comments and constructive critiques are welcome and encouraged, flames and trollbait may be recycled for future use.

<hr>A Plight of Fancy
Chap. 1 - This could really be a good life
***Insert Standard Disclaimer here***

Karma, Dharma and other mystical qualities of the universe can be fickle lovers at times. Sometimes very caring and doting of people, often times cold and castigating. As many may attest to it, the old saying "the road to hell is paved with good intentions" rings true for paupers as much as it does for royalty.

Keitaro Urashima is undeniably a man of fortune, although the specific type and quality of said fortune is still under debate. Some say he's one lucky sonofabi... although most people that know him and his circumstances just pity him and commend his soul to Amida Buddha in hopes of one day reaching enlightenment and/or paradise.

Although, things had started going more his way as of late. Recent good deeds he had realized for those close to him, since the start of summer, had borne the fruit of good fortune for him. His tenants (and young lady-friends) at the Hinata Dorm had not just warmed up to him, but had been more lenient and accepting of his accident prone self. His mentor and Tokyo University archaeology teacher Noriyasu Seta had offered him a chance of a lifetime, accompanying him to America as an assistant and help as his attachï¿½ in archeological digs with pay and, most importantly, scholastic credits toward his degree in Archaeology.

After missing his first semester of superior studies due to medical reasons, he could not let this opportunity go. Regretfully, this meant he had to leave his friends and family in Japan for one full semester. His (unrequited) crush was the first (and loudest) to voice out her complaints about him leaving their makeshift little family; and while the other young ladies also voiced their reasons for not accepting his decision, they finally did let him leave on this grand adventure away from them.

Adapting to the American University life was a bit of a culture shock, but he eventually fit in better than most exchange students. The archaeological visits he was allowed to attend were limited to dig sites in the states of California, Washington, Montana, Colorado, Arizona and Texas, he felt richer for the overall experience: getting both to work and network with his American peers and teachers, and being able to garner additional support for his mentor during their periodic treks in search of ruins of the long lost Turtle civilization at beachside locations.

During his off time, he had become somewhat popular fellow among the students of the anthropology and archaeology department at the University of California - Los Angeles campus, often enjoying the rowdy campus life during local sports events. And, more often than not, getting the chance to ï¿½studyï¿½ the modern culture of the City of Angels, Sin City and other nearby cities with the help of new friends and colleagues.

Thanks to said new friendships, his sense of style had eventually matured some. While still mostly clothing himself with ï¿½geek-chicï¿½ attire during daily activities, he had branched out to both more utilitarian clothes for the digs and some high couture for his social outings. Some would say he took after his mentor; although the older gent favored the shirt and slacks combinations with a lab coat all the time, while the student saved those outfits for special occasions.

Regretfully, not all was champagne wishes and caviar dreams for the young ex-ronin. During one of said social outings, he had bumped into an acquaintance he had long forgotten about and would never expect cross paths again with, especially at a high class pub in uptown Los Angeles.

ï¿½Ka-Kanzaki-san... what a p-pleasant s-surprise bumping into y-you... in Americaï¿½ responded the nervous Japanese man; trying to keep a low profile while his friends gave him some space on what they believed was his first formal attempt at courting a very attractive young lady.

ï¿½Keitaro Urashima, my how time has flownï¿½ responded the nubile young lady. Baring long blonde curls and dressed in a tight fitting knee length skirt, with a silk blouse showing very pronounced cleavage; and followed by a slightly salacious smirk on her lips as she looked her prey up and down appreciatively. ï¿½I see the years have been VERY kind to you... and Iï¿½m so glad you ditched the coke bottle glasses, the new frames are very fetching.ï¿½

ï¿½Just trying out something new, my prescription recently changed and my friends recommended I change it up a little.ï¿½ noticing his friends had either paired off or began their own conquests of the opposite sex, he was left to attend with his acquaintance.

ï¿½Yes, yes... remind me to thank them next time we get together, hmm?ï¿½ leaning in for a friendly hug, she pressed her substantial assets against his chest while whispering in his ear softly, not unlike a selfish lover getting back together with an estranged beau ï¿½I knew biding my time would get me better results from you.ï¿½

ï¿½Um... Kanzaki-san... not that I donï¿½t appreciate the attention... butï¿½ he gulped audibly as he tried to pull away from the seductive woman ï¿½jeeze!, and I thought Kitsune asking for an extension on the rent was pretty blatantï¿½ ï¿½You shouldnï¿½t be so forward, especially in such a public settingï¿½

ï¿½Why shouldnï¿½t I be? Besides...ï¿½ pulling back slightly to wink at him playfully ï¿½Americans are MUCH more relaxed and uncaring about public displays of affectionï¿½ then proceeding to pout so sickeningly sweet, some of the people looking at them would have felt their blood sugar go up ï¿½And didnï¿½t I tell you last time to call me by my given name?ï¿½

ï¿½Yes, Himawari-san...ï¿½ he responded with a barely restrained, yet frustrated sigh ï¿½I thought Granny and I had taken care of this issueï¿½ years ago.ï¿½

ï¿½Itï¿½s been over six years Kei-samaï¿½ the end that suffix was infused with a little lust and longing ï¿½one would be lead to believe she was being ignored.ï¿½

ï¿½No, no... I could never ignore you, Himawari-san, he, heï¿½ Pulling back a bit from him, she twirled around playfully and letting him get a good look at her. ï¿½You... You look fantastic!ï¿½

Preening at his undivided attention ï¿½Iï¿½m glad you STILL know how to pay a lady a complementï¿½ then waited on him to continue stroking her ego.

ï¿½Iï¿½m sorry I havenï¿½t been in contact lately, Iï¿½ve had to deal with family issues the last few yearsï¿½ he smiled back to the young lady apologetically while thinking ï¿½I could really use another of Seta-sanï¿½s Turtle Civilization digs... right about nowï¿½

ï¿½Indeed...ï¿½ dismissing his excuse as small talk, she got down to brass tacks ï¿½since you are this side of the Pacific, should I be lead to believe you finally give up on that TouDai daydream and finally decided to live like the clan heir you are?ï¿½

ï¿½Actually... I did get inï¿½ wincing a bit as she seemed to bristle at his response ï¿½Iï¿½m currently working through an exchange student programï¿½ smiling back with a bit of confidence hoping she wouldnï¿½t dig into his story ï¿½What about you, Himawari-san what brings you to the City of Angels?ï¿½

ï¿½Moi?, Papa wanted me to accompany him around town and represent him at events and meetings, while he addressed other recent acquisitions...ï¿½ she sniffed proudly ï¿½seriously, he should just let me take over the family business already!ï¿½ then once again leaning into him and wrapping her arms around his neck possessively, indicating to any other female nearby that he was off limits. ï¿½But you know how old fashioned he is... he just wonï¿½t let me take over until Iï¿½m happily married.ï¿½

ï¿½Yeah... he is VERY traditionalï¿½ pausing for a moment to take deep breath ï¿½but he IS a caring father that wants whatï¿½s best for his daughterï¿½ nervously making face gestures at his friends to help him get away from her while she was distracted ï¿½and whatï¿½s best for YOU that should NOT be me!ï¿½

ï¿½You know Kei-sama... we could sneak out and have some quality timeï¿½ togetherï¿½ she purred against his ear, edging him to take her up on her offer.

ï¿½I would love to accompany you, Himawari-sanï¿½ she gulped nervously as she pulled back to look into his eyes, hoping he would accept her invitation and what it implied ï¿½regretfullyï¿½ Iï¿½ll be heading out of town early tomorrow morning to address some school businessï¿½ sighing in mock regret as one of his friends made visible hand gestures as if they were leaving soon.

ï¿½Oh, Poo! Just as I had thought we could celebrate our Grand Reunionï¿½ sighing wistfully as she noticed his entourage getting ready to leave. ï¿½I guess Iï¿½ll have to let you go THIS time, Kei-samaï¿½ only to get up close and personal and pecking him lightly on the lips. ï¿½Donï¿½t be a stranger!ï¿½

His only response was a curt nod to her, followed by him walking off with his friends as they left the locale.

The young lady sighed with slight frustration, only to break out a Machiavellian smile.
ï¿½You will be mine Kei-sama, Oh Yes... You WILL be mineï¿½.

<hr>Plight
Noun. A situation, especially a bad or unfortunate one. See synonyms of predicament.
Archaic usage. A solemn promise, especially of engagement; pledge.
Verb. To give into marriage.

FinalMax · Apr 30, 2012

Ah, that idea. I actually might enjoy this one. Decent prologue material here.

roting_CORPSE · May 1, 2012

EagleCeres said:

when I read that I instantly thought of this.

<a href='http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PDEEKGUq-9Y' target='_blank' rel='nofollow'>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PDEEKGUq-9Y</a>

rolalinii · May 1, 2012

Yes i hope we see more it looks interesting to say the least.

EagleCeres · May 1, 2012

Lets see where this next snippet gets us

and yes roting_CORPSE... there was some of that going through my mind once I re-read the line :snigger:

<hr>
The shade of a good tree can always help in reaching a nice peaceful vibe, especially if you need to cram for exams or just relax after being hit with news you would rather have not heard. Today though, Keitaro Urashima was using the cover to hide from acquaintances while working on redacting enough of what looked like the bastard child of a last Will and Testament and a Light Novel.

ï¿½Hey Kei!... hiding from your Super Model Stalker-Girlfriend again?ï¿½ asked a young man as he and a group of his friends walked up to Keitaro.

ï¿½How many times do I have to repeat myself?ï¿½ sighing as he looked up from his notes to greet his frat brothers mimicking his, by now, automatic response to the question. ï¿½Sheï¿½s not my girlfriend, Ben-sanï¿½ only to earn groans from a few of them.

ï¿½Coulda fooled me Keiï¿½ I mean seriouslyï¿½ another friend in the group followed up with a proud pose of a fist raised to the sky ï¿½why are you NOT hitting THAT like the fist of an angry god? you should just let her drag you off to God knows where and let her have her way with youï¿½ and a few raised eyebrows.

ï¿½Donï¿½t let Nicole-san hear you say stuff like that Mike-san, or youï¿½ll be in the dog house for another monthï¿½ countered Kei, earning a few laughs from his frat brothers and a few of the female students nearby suddenly interested in the popular exchange student.

ï¿½BUUUUUURN!ï¿½ followed by a fist bump from Ben ï¿½Anyway, you ready for this weekendï¿½s Turtle hunting session?ï¿½

ï¿½Thatï¿½s THIS weekend?ï¿½ seeing nods from some of his peers he whined ï¿½Craaap! Iï¿½ve been so busy lately with mid-terms that I forgot to sign up!ï¿½

ï¿½Oh come on Kei, like Professor Seta wonï¿½t hook up his prized pupilï¿½ earning a teasing smirk from Mike.

ï¿½Hey! Iï¿½ve never asked for preferential treatment, besidesï¿½ earning Keitaro quiet smiles from nearby faculty members that happened to overhear the conversation among the archaeology students ï¿½it wouldnï¿½t be fair to the rest of the class that have missed out on the sessionsï¿½

ï¿½Thatï¿½s only because they eventually turn into beach parties by sunset.ï¿½ retorted Ben with a knowing smile, then noticing as some of the frat brothers had begun walked off to their courses ï¿½Weï¿½re still on for Nateï¿½s party tonight, right?ï¿½

ï¿½Definitely, Iï¿½ll have the cake ready by the time he gets in from his team practiceï¿½ waving off the remainder of the group, he went back to his report and annotations.

The past six weeks had been somewhat demanding on Keitaroï¿½s nerves, as soon as he had a free moment from in between school courses or while chatting up colleagues at social events or other professional gatherings; one Himawari Kanzaki would unexpectedly appear before him to smother him with her charms, attention, sometimes very noticeable Public Displays of Affection.

The young woman in question was in her early twenties, she loved showing her off fair skin, often running her fingers through her waist long blonde curls, winking her crimson red eyes and proudly sashaying the hips on a body that just wouldn't quit. While he was as hot blooded as the next guy, he believed that giving into the crown jewel of the Kanzaki Zaibatsu would somehow be worse than the past three years of 'penance' under a certain group of mostly-model beautiful girls living at an Inn turned Dorm in the Hills of Kanagawa, Japan.

"Hey! Part-Timer! I finally found you!" came the happy voice of Keitaro's mentor as he walked up to the aforementioned tree, an almost trademark cigarette hanging from his lips "Not that I'm complaining or anything, but I've noticed you've been signing up for more and more site expeditions lately..."

"Ah! Seta-san, yeah..." looking up to the older gent, seriously considering bumming a cancer stick off of him to blow off some stress "just... taking advantage of the extra credits and practical experience they offer."

"Ah, gotcha..." noticing his discipleï¿½s slightly nervous body language he decided to lighten up the mood "for a moment there, I thought you were running away from an angry ex-girlfriend or something."

Curious of his mentorï¿½s words echoing his frat brothersï¿½ earlier comments; he looked around the quad and noticed a couple of students and faculty members from earlier were still loitering not far from him. Dropping his voice to a whisper, he commented in his native language "Are theyï¿½ keeping tabs on me?... this feels like back in eighth grade."

Following up his movements with a yawn and a stretch, he went back to his notes now brandishing a highlighter and going through various paragraphs writing annotations while he responded to his Sensei in English at a normal volume. "Iï¿½m just finishing up a few reports before handing them in."

"Your grades are fine," taking a drag off his smoke and recalling their schedules during this international trip "semester finals are more than two months away and from the looks of it, youï¿½ve become the Go-To guy to borrow notes from, amongst the students of the Archaeology department"

"Har-dee har-har!" he responded to the light jab at his scholastic abilities. "I guess all that cramming to get into TouDai with Naru finally became useful" shuffling some paperwork, leaving a sheet of paper with scribbled notes next to him. "I honestly didnï¿½t expect to have such a great time while on this exchange program, I really appreciate the favor"

"It's the least I could do for you, after helping Haruka and I get back on speaking terms" smiling at a memory not long ago at a hotel near one of the beaches in Japan. "Don't tell me you're missing home and the family?"

"Maybe?... " mulling over his answer while he started putting away his notes "the people here have been very helpful, accommodating and very cool in general." hoisting up his book bag and standing with an honest smile "With how popular I seem some days, I could get used to this!" making his teacher drop his cigarette in surprise at his frank response.

"Don't get a big head Mister Urashima... that's what college life is like" shaking his head with a content smile "wait until you start working, youï¿½ll start missing these halcyon days".

"Or once I get back to the Hinata-sou!" laughing at their personal joke while preparing to head off to his last class of the day. "I heard there's a full roster for another Turtle Civilization ruin visit off Santa Monica this weekend, are there any last moment openings for that?"

"The beach visits are ALWAYS popular, but you know I always have you on the VIP list" making shooing motion with his hands "now get going or Jackson-sensei is going to mark you tardy!"

Whispering back in Japanese once he was in earshot "Don't forget to pick up your cigarette, You wouldn't want a fire to break out" then waving his good byes as he walked off proper "I'm going, I'm going... at least his course on hieroglyphs isn't boring."

Shaking his head, the Japanese sensei kneeled to pick up his half burnt cigarette, noticing the well dressed ladies had disappeared moments after his disciple did, noticing a stray piece of paper on the ground under the tree, pocketing it quickly he headed off to his temporary office to tend to other paperwork.

EagleCeres · May 2, 2012

If you're curious about Himawari's looks (and a few elements of her personality), you can reference <a href='http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y176/xenocrisis0153/Anime%20Images/screencaps/Maburaho/maburaho24066.jpg' target='_blank' rel='nofollow'>Kuriko Kazetsubaki</a> from Maburaho (watching the anime is not required, but the google images are nice eyecandy)

Please note that tend to edit stuff on the fly even after posting/receiving feedback/re-reading... self diagnosed OCD acts up way too often

<hr>
Hours later, at a penthouse apartment not far from UCLA, Himawari Kanzaki was lounging in front of a giant monitor showing edited videos taken long ago of family celebrations at home, while noshing on spoonfuls of Haagen-Dazs cherry vanilla ice cream. "Oh Kei-sama... you were always such a cutie, I love how good you've always been at playing hard to get" on screen a little girl with curly golden blonde hair appeared, playfully brandishing an ink brush while chasing after a frantic little brown haired boy with more than a few X's and O's painted on his face.

Moments later she turned off the display as a young lady in a form fitted and tailored butler suit walked over to her. "The dossier on Urashima-sama is still being updated as per your instructions, Ojou-sama. The research team provided this condensed version while they fact check content from the past three years that seemed to have inconsistencies in the reports the people questioned."

The blonde heiress was giddy with delight as she was presented with a folder with various pictures of her beloved and other redacted documents. "This will do for now Stella, but inform them a bonus will be paid they are able to find some REALLY juicy gossip."

Himawari's steward and personal attendant nodded as she checked an incoming text message. "SP team informs the subject has arrived at his frat house with two cases of soda, various boxes of cake mix, assorted party favors and a couple of boxes of Thin Mint girl scout cookies... should we continue to monitor?"

"I miss his Death by Chocolate Cake" she bit a nail as another memory of hers resurged, although partially soured by his playing hard-to-get moments after she had arrived at his Secondary School on the Valentines day of his third year. While she was saddened that she could not present him with a token of her love, the cake he had left for her (or so she claimed) was magnificent and befitting one of her stature. "Anything else happen to MY Kei-sama today, Stella?"

After a few moments of scrolling through various texts on her cell phone, "just his usual attendance of school courses, networking with colleagues and roughhousing with the other tenants of his frat houseï¿½ the female butler then added ï¿½although he was seen speaking to his mentor and confirming a spot at their periodic beach side events, this weekend in Santa Monica" omitting how the young man seemed to have seemingly berated his teacher for littering.

"Excellent! tell the girls to take the night off..." she almost skipped into her walk in closet once she heard the last tidbit of news "make that the weekend off... with pay!" followed by her trying decide which two piece bikini and sarong combination she would wear to attract and maintain her beloved's attention ï¿½heï¿½s just too focused on playing archaeologist in the sand these daysï¿½.

"Your Father explicitly said to remember the Board of Trustees soiree on Saturday night in Beverly Hills, formal attire is expected."

"Awww... I really donï¿½t want to attend that stuffy party" she pouted and flailed for a bit, after which an idea came to her as she walked over to the cocktail dresses section, her attention specifically on the selection of Little Black Dresses ."Tell Papa to see about ensuring an additional seat... I WILL MAKE sure Kei-sama WILL be escorting me that evening, I'm sure we can get him a nice suit if he needs one at the last minute."

Stella nodded quietly, she was silently glad the young man that had the Ojou-sama's attention seemed like more of a boy scout and a saint, if a bit plain. 'At least she's not chasing down one of those wannabe pretty boy singers most of her peers seem to be into this year' considering her mistress' quirks, there may be no rhyme or reason on her fixation toward this young man. 'What Himawari-sama wants, Himawari-sama gets.'

zeebee1 · May 2, 2012

I don't know if first girl rules apply, but last girl definitely doesn't.

EagleCeres · May 3, 2012

Time to finish up the chapter and start thinking on where to take this... been kicking around some Ideas with Ordo, although The Muse is taking a nap.

<hr>
That evening, as he pulled out his almost empty packet of cigarettes, Seta noticed Keitaro's note and began to read. ôOkay... lets see what we got hereö the note was written down as a simple "TO DO listö, with a few items check marked off, while some of the pending ones were in big block print, Seta couldn't help himself and read out loud all the pending items.

"Pick up Dry Cleaning... Sumbit mid-term paper to Jones-sensei... Buy more SURGE sodas for the roomies... Try to get tickets to Seattle Mariners exhibition game (Go Ichiro!)... Send thanks email to Grant-sensei and Sattler-sensei about recent class on Dinosaur fossils... Bake birthday cake for Drake-kun..." snickering at some of the habits his student had picked up from and shared with the locals.

"Call home (report in)..." blinking confused at that last bullet point "eh, he probably hasn't checked in lately... aaaand he won't mind me passing on the rest of the messages." With a foxy grin on his face, he went ahead and dialed up the Hinata Tea House, hoping to reach his long time friend and ex-girlfriend.

Mustering up some courage, he put on airs as he heard the phone answer on the other end "Hello Beautiful!"

...

"What? I can't call you in the middle of the day anymore?"

...

"Oh! Then I'm glad I missed the lunch rush!"

...

"Yeah, he's actually doing pretty good" smiling at how easily Keitaro had made friends and networked with his own colleagues "Mr. Popularity is making up for those three years locked up" teased the scruffy man as he light up a new cigarette.

...

"No, not that I'm aware of... although I heard some of his roomies tease him about avoiding a pretty girl that's been hanging around him lately."

...

"Um... a few weeks" a thought came unbidden to his mind, shaking his head at the coincidence "about the same time as he started taking on more projects"

...

"Seems like he really wanted to talk to Granny about a..." looking at the note he read out loud the bolded and underlined word "Sunflower"

...

"Haruka?... talk to me, I know you're still pissed about us, but don't keep me out of the loop this timeö taking a long drag as he listened carefully to his ex.

à

ôYeah, I rememberà Wait, you mean HER?ö stubbing out his cigarette as he started to take down notes.

à

ôHe's made a good group of friends here that keep him out of trouble...ö

à

"Don't worry, IÆll still keep an eye on him..."

...

"Tell Sarah I miss her... I miss you too."

Hanging up the call, he tossed his now empty pack of cigarettes into a waste basket and headed to the local convenience store while thinking out loud ôyou sure know how to pick'em, Part-timer!ö

EagleCeres · May 7, 2012

well... seems like both TFF and FFN decided it wasn't a completely bad idea...
so the Muse woke up, sat up in bed, winked saucily and decided to give me a little more attention

<hr>
*** updated chapter below ***

EagleCeres · May 16, 2012

A Plight of Fancy

Chap. 2 û The Shadow Proves the Sunshine

Professor Noriyasu Seta's monthly Turtle Civilization site excavation events were one of UCLA's more popular school events this semester. The content was fairly easy to digest, even if the mythos was a bit out there, seriously, who prays to turtles? Access to recently unearthed sites was readily provided to the American University System as the sites usually fell on private properties where the owners dabbled in archaeology or beach sites that belonged to the State or Federal Government.

Today's session though, was the Holy Grail for the students of UCLA's Anthropology and Archaeology department. Located a little over a dozen miles off the Santa Monica pier and literally on an almost picture perfect private beach. Riddled with easy to access caves containing various wall carvings, weathered wall paintings and what seemed like a few sea water damaged rock sculptures. It was like someone decided to mount a small, yet dedicated, Natural History Museum that wasn't open to the public; as visitors needed to be School sponsored to be allowed on site.

As the students attending today gathered near the teachers and assistants in charge, Keitaro was going through the attendance list and confirming the work groups for today's session while doing last minute equipment checkups with his mentor.

"Another full roster, plus volunteers to help with the logistics. How do you do it, Seta-sensei?"

"I know my audienceà" responded the older gentleman, as he took a proud drag off his cigarette "and a little positive re-enforcement doesn't hurt a bit".

"Did you get any requests from the campus newspaper or communications department this time?"

"Yeah, had to turn them away this timeà today's session was technically overbooked and I know barring any incidents, we're gonna have a bit of an issue with the After-session cleanup."

"Hah! After-session" Doing a quick headcount, Keitaro noticed a few of his frat brothers chatting up some of the female students and saw another group seemed to be crowding around someone wearing a safari hat. 'Oddà wonder if that's someone from another department.'

"Okay Part-time, you know the drill" getting his student's attention "make sure to do the rounds around the groups and feel free to call out people that are detracting from the learning."

"Definitely, the sooner they finish with notes and planned exercises the sooner we can start the Debriefing session." Already used to his teacher's unorthodox teaching style, he did his best to help his peers adapt and keep up the pace "once everyone's good, we pack up and let them cut loose at the public beach a few miles off site."

"You got it!" he smiled at his protÚgÚ scratching his head "Man, I should have approached you with projects like these years ago!"

"I would have gladly helped, but wellà it did take me a while to finally get into TouDai" answered the ex-ronin sheepishly.

"Well, no sense in dwelling on what ifs Part-Timer" picking up a clipboard with a small stack of papers affixed on to it, he nodded toward the teams "how about we get the show on this road?"
<hr> An hour into the dig, Keitaro had begun rotating among the teams. Checking up on their advancement in their tasks, sharing a laugh where the teams needed a break and sharing tidbits of knowledge where he felt they needed assistance. On average, most teams were on track to finish by the scheduled time, except the ones with his frat brothers who seemed to be advancing faster than the norm and the group with that person with the safari hat which had not reported anything yet.

"Come on guys, work with me hereà" directing his attention to the former group "I know this is cake walk for you Ben-san, but you gotta double check some of the information for the whole team's benefit"

"Didn't I tell you he'd catch on to us Mike?" elbowing his fellow frat brother and expedition novice as Keitaro went through their notes with a discerning eye. "Sure he tutors me, but he worries about the team not just the individual."

"We're getting the job done and in record time, shouldn't that count for something?" responded the bigger non Archaeologist toward Keitaro, getting a few nods from his team mates.

"It does countà but we also have a Q&A slash debriefing session at the end of the expedition" with a knowing smile, getting a few groans from the senior-expedition team members.

"A What?" Earning startled shouts from Mike and other new attendees to the monthly event that were in earshot of the ex-ronin's comments.

"Pop Quiz from Hell!" answered Ben with a laugh, getting a nod in thanks from Keitaro, as he was avoiding a well practiced speech "Professor Seta loves to make students and attendants earn the after-expedition party".

Keitaro then stepping in to better explain before the crowd got restless "Seta-sensei explained it to me by misappropriating a phrase that some of the football team players love to useà" getting odd looks he smiled and misquoted "Work hard, Party hard"

This netted him a round of cheers from the momentarily annoyed attendees, before they went back to work. "Kei, how come YOU guys get the cool teachers?" Mike couldn't help but firing one parting shot as the young archaeologist was heading toward the last group.

"That's easyà" getting a few pre-emptive laughs from the senior archaeology students "we Archaeologists and Anthropologists don't get Nobel Prizes, Super Bowl Rings or Stars on the Hollywood Walk of Fame".
<hr> Meanwhile at the Hinata-sou, partial hell had been released and quickly controlled in the iron fist of one Kanako Urashima. Keitaro's adopted sister had always dreamed to join him and take over the Hinata Inn as landlordsà possibly more. Alas, after talking with her parents and been taken on the road with Granny Hina, she had found solace in one of her dreams replaced by a new calling; helping her family find her brother a special someone that would treat him right and cherish him as he so rightfully deserved.

Granny had briefed her in on her plan to encourage Keitaro to follow his dream of getting into TouDai, but had foreseen his inability to develop deep relationships with women his age, thanks to his childhood promise to a little girl on their estate many, many years ago.

So, Granny did what she does best, she meddled and had brought him into her beloved Hinata Sou as the live in manager-slash-handyman for a group of different young ladies who's personalities, qualities, defects and talents would help bring Keitaro out of his shell by somehow centering him as their emotional anchor.

"I know you've always been sweet on Onii-chan Granny, but you put him in danger with those harridans at the Inn just so he could get finally into Toudai" fumed the younger Urashima at her matron's orders "Why wasn't I sent to keep them on a tight leash on them from day one? Why now?"

"If you had been there, YOU would have been his sword when he didn't need one" effectively stopping the younger ones silent rage understanding the elder's cryptic words. "You know he had the talent to heal their wild heartsà but now they need to realize he isn't a toy to be played with."

"You sound make it sound like he's a prize to be won" sniffed the young woman, a bit of frustration in her words at her inability to 'play the game' her grandmother had set into motion.

"You could be surprised Kana-chan, a few clans out there find him quite the catch" sighed the playful matron "if only their daughters would have given him half the chance the girls at Hinata Sou did."

One couldn't possibly say Hina Urashima's plan was a booming success, the elder Urashima had been glad her schemes had begun to pay off in spades. Hearing about her beloved Grandson's deeds from second parties and contacts had appeased some of her regrets about meddling so much in her only male grandson's life.

His triumph at finally getting into TouDai had brought a happy tear to her eyes, comments from the Aoyama house in Kyoto at the young mistress' successful challenge against the current head instructor (with the support of a certain Urashima male) made he cackle with glee, calls from the Su family of Mol-Mol always ended in a gracious and thankful note from the esteemed parents; even the off and on reports from her unsuspecting mole at the old Inn turned Dorm had made her both wince and smile.

Only one outcome had been left undecided, who would eventually find that special place in her grandson's heart and gladly occupy it? This is where Kanako came in. She would be her right hand woman to separate the wheat from the chaff. If there was anyone that could be cold, practical and methodical enough to open their eyes and see what she had intended for them and her grandson, it would be her adopted grand daughter.

She could only hope the girls would both forgive her over-reaching actions and thank her well-intentioned but forceful means. Being a clan head sometimes meant making hard if not ugly decisions and taking measures to get things done.
<hr> Four months into her indenture as the temporary Manager of the Hinata Sou, she had become to bristle at the tenants ideas of what she was supposed to do, often comparing her to her brother and his way too lax ways of dealing with things.

The whole contest she had set up to win her support, by using her Onii-chan's supposed affection stats had sown discontent once she had ramped up the level of stress. Even more than that time they had disguised Mutsumi-san to look and act like her brother had been both a good measuring stick to gauge their affections and fuming excersise in frustration at certain responses.

"I'm glad Onii-chan decided to leave them alone and not call in often while on his trip" sighed Kanako late one night, in her room/office going trough her daily notes "I'm starting to run out of patience with all of them... but I just don't want to give my Onii-chan away to any of them".

She thumbed through older notes from both Keitaro and Granny about the tenants, whom she was currently testing as possible maids/attendants, in her attempt to turn the Dorm back into an Inn. "Narusegawa and Aoyama seem to be more accepting of my conditionsà Konno and Su are rebelling just because they canà and Maehara seems to sway toward the pair has the most momentum at the moment."

"Knowing your brother, he's probably playing hard to get, nya?" responded her faithful black cat as she looked up to her mistress from her bedding "or he's already bedded one of the girls here?"

"Hardly, Kuroà Oniichan is not the type of man who would shirk his responsibilities because of his hormones" remembering her brother fondly then taking another hard look at Granny's latest fax, she seriously wondered if she should just let proverbial the cat out of the bag and have them deal with it themselves "today is one of those days I wish I wasn't adopted."

Kanako:
Thanks to Haruka's words during her last call, I am forced to disclose the following information to you. While she's not a bad candidate, Keitaro's reactions in the past were very unfavorable toward her aggressive attentions. We pretty much forced their clan to rein her in by threatening to press charges as she was pretty much stalking him, bless your brother's huge heart as he unknowingly used his dream of getting into TouDai as both an excuse and a condition for him to be considered husband material for her.

Love Granny

PS: I leave up you to the matter of discussing a possibility of an engagement in the near futureà that is, if anyone of them seems interested before the alternative decides to show up eventually.

Code:

Himawari Kanzaki

Date of Birth: August 5th, 1977
Hair Color: Blonde
Eye Color: Red
Height: 172 cm (information out of date)
Weight: ? Kg (information unavailable)
Vital stats: 88/63/89 cm (information out of date)
Blood Type: AB (Rh+)

Body Type: Very Healthy
Western Zodiac: Leo
Chinese Zodiac: Snake

Occupation: Zaibatsu Heiress/University Student (taking year off)
Likes: dark chocolate, leading people, haute couture, Keitaro Urashima*1
Dislikes: being ignored, showing weakness, indecisiveness

Guys want to be with her, Girls want to be her. Crown jewel of the Kanzaki Zaibatsu.
Daughter of current CEO Karin Kanzaki. Declared official heir by her Grandmother, 
and current head of the family, Sumire Kanzaki at the tender age of 13.

A statuesque young woman, often sought for modeling and public events due to 
her good looks and strong independent character. Her family has given her carte
blanche to determine who her significant other (read as: husband/consort) shall be,
as long as she produces an heir by the age of twenty seven (27). Often surrounded
by young men of prominent families, she has rebuffed many of her suitors' advances
commenting on their lacking of certain qualities she finds important, if not necessary
to influence her eventual decision.

A student of International Business and Management at Yokohama National 
University, she has her sights set on improving on her family's ideals, adapting 
them to an ever changing world and maintain them at the top echelons of society. 
Currently enjoying a one year hiatus/sabbatical to assist with family business and 
living the jet-set life a young woman in her financial and political position can afford. 
Last seen in Southern California, frequenting various high class establishments and 
attending social galas as expected of a maiden of her social standing.

*1 Granny Note: She met Keitaro over ten years ago, when he used to accompany 
me to various clan events where she had also attended. She developed an almost 
unhealthy attachment to him and would often request his presence at any event 
her parents would force her to attend. Being his kind self, he suffered under her 
attentions at more than a few events, although she eventually self-styled herself 
as his fiancÚe without consulting with her clan or ours.

<hr>Toward the end of the team activities, Keitaro walked up to what he ha dubbed the "safari hat" team. He couldn't help but feel something was slightly off about this team, while they had not sent reports in the last few hours, they seemed to working like a well oiled machine 'I wonder who their team leader is, these guys usually goof around more often or pester other teams for help'.

Noticing a couple of team members away from person with the safari hat he saw earlier, he decided to walk over to the person that seemed to be their leader today. "Excuse me, does your team have any questions about today's activities? They haven't sent in the expected periodic advance reports during today's session"

"None whatsoever" answered happy voice belonging to a smiling blonde responded. "although they did not inform me we had to check in oftenà Kei-sama"

Himawari Kanzaki strikes again, this time dressed in what would look like authentic mid 1900's Safari clothing: a British khaki shirt with the sleeves rolled up, tucked into tasteful khaki cargo shorts, light brown work boots at her feet, while her golden mane done up and hiding under a fancy Pith Helmet "safari hat" covering her head; a few loose strands of blonde hair framing her face.

"What are YOU doing here?" responded the young archaeologist, looking somewhat upset, in-between concerned and angry at the non student's shenanigans.

"A friend of mine called in sick at the last minute and called me up to make use my Management skills to keep her team from flunking" smiling sweetly, trying to calm him down "I only took her up on the offerà"

"Okay, I'll let it slide this time" sighing in slight defeat he let her continue, as she had effectively curved most of this specific team's bad habits "give me a quick run through of your team's operations and activities today, they are the only ones that haven't checked in."

And she did more than a creditable job, considering this was not her area of expertise. Quicky clearing up areas of difficulty with her myriad of skills had been a boon for her team "although getting to see my favorite archaeologist in action was more than worth waking up early on a weekend."

"I'm not that good" blushing at the not so thinly veiled compliment and deciding to return fire, since she had been professional during this meeting "besides, I know leading teams like these can be as bad as herding cats, but you're doing a great job, keep it up!"

"Thank you Kei-saà Keitaro-san" she smiled back with a light blush on her cheeks, acting a bit more reserved that she normally would. 'baby steps Himawari, this is his turf, and there's no sense in ruining the moment' "Umà if you have some time later, after today's activities that isà" looking around feeling a little brave she continued "would you spare me some time? I'd like to talk, no strings attached, just two acquaintances catching up."

"No, not as acquaintancesà" feeling emboldened by his words, he started to walk away missing her saddening face. Switching to his native tongue, he looked over shoulder at her with a slight smile and declared few steps away "but as two long lost friends, ne?"

"Un!" she nodded happily as he went to see about the next team. Her mind shifting back to getting her team to really shine for the only person that mattered and whom she would consider her superior, if only for today 'thank you Keitaro, for understanding.'
<hr>By mid afternoon, the beach near the Santa Monica pier had been mostly commandeered by the majority of UCLA's Anthropology and Archeology Department; after a grueling morning of digging and documentation followed up by a debriefing-slash-examination session of the likes normally seen in professional circles, the young adults in attendance decided to make good with their relaxation time afterwards.

"You sure weren't kidding when you said Professor Seta liked to work hard, Kei" commented Mike while tossing around a football around with some of the attending frat brothers gathered near the cookout tent.

"Be glad this is a School sponsored dig, privately funded ones are even more picky when delivering reports and appraising unearthed artifacts" nodded the ex-ronin as he helped the logistics crew with the cook out preparations.

"Good to know for the future!" replied Ben as his attention became more focused on checking out the local scenery now occupied with some of the cutest college girls in Southern California. "But right now, it's time to enjoy the sights and sounds of the beach!"

"And HE says I'M shamelessà" sighed Mike as he walked off toward a group starting up a game of touch football on the sand.

'The difference is Ben-san doesn't have a girlfriend, while you do, Mike-san' shaking his head, Keitaro kept his retort to himself as he went back to the task of helping with the cooking.

A few minutes later, his mentor walked up to the food tents meaning to check up on his protege "Need an extra pair of hands to flip those burgers, Part-timer?"

"The more the merrier, actually need someone to slice up some tomatoes" responded the student "just make sure you dispose of that cigarette properly, we don't want people wondering why their burger is extra 'smoky'."

"Jeeze, everyone's a health nut nowadays!" the senior archaeologist sighed as he was deprived of his smoke "nice use of diplomatic skills with the non department signups thereà"

"I can't take all the credit on that one Seta-sensei, some of the more excitable members of the teams were getting restless" carefully flipping a couple of burgers on the grill "so I remembered what you said about knowing your audience, and put it to practice."

"What about the problematic stragglers that usually team up?" smirking a bit, having withheld information about the more difficult students attending as a personal test for his disciple.

"Ah, that was already taken care of before I got there" glad that a certain young lady had taken control of the situation "I just went in asking for results and got what I wanted".

"Look at you, Mister Urashima" playfully elbowing the younger man as a few of the ladies were getting interested in the master and student talk "how'd you get so cool and in control?"

"Oh you knowà" making some shadow boxing moves "gotta learn to roll with the punches, when in the School of Hard Knocks" then swishing his spatula around as if it were a katana "and having a Sensei to share some sage advice doesn't hurt."

"Rub it in why don't you" the teacher responded, as he fondly remembered a certain tea shop owner back in Japan. "Still, good job taking point on addressing the teams; was a huge load off of my plate."

"I'm just glad for this chance to learn and stretch my wings a bit, away from the pressures at home" finishing up another batch of burgers, Keitaro took a good look around the beach, noticing a familiar mane of golden curly hair relaxing under the shade of an umbrella not far.

"Hey Keitaro" looking in the direction of his student's glance, deciding to bite the proverbial bullet, switching to their native language to preserve the ex-ronin's humility "I took the liberty of calling Haruka for you the other dayà about that girlfriend all your frat brothers have been teasing you about."

"So, uhà when did you find out she has beenà actively searching for me?" wincing a bit as he had not disclosed his recent interactions with the young heiress.

"About a month agoà" returning to the meal preparations "some of the faculty members were curious about the young lady following you around at school functions so aggressively"

"We... met up at a local bar a few weeks before that" remembering that night, smiling at her not so discrete actions "and she's been popping up every so often, I'm sorry if she's being a burden."

"Actually that's what I wanted to ask you, is she being a bother to you?" showing honest concern for the younger man "You know I can make a few calls or we could get Old Lady Hina involved."

Shaking his head, he couldn't help but smile at her earlier actions. "It's okay Seta-san, we're in the process of burying the hatchet, speaking of which" he prepared a couple of burgers, then tossed his 'kiss the cook' apron at the older man "we owe each other a long standing heart-to-heart talk, and I intend to make good on that debt."

"Just give a holler if you need anything, ok?" smiling as his disciple walked off with a purpose 'haven't seen him this focused since he said good bye to the girls months agoà' taking his student's place at the grill, he lit up another smoke offering some students some of his extra smoky well done burgers 'I hope you know what you're doing Part-timer.'

ThreadWeaver · May 16, 2012

I like the story so far... I don't have a clue as to where you're going yet, but I like it so far.

My one complaint is that you have a serious problem with Dialogue Punctuation. Missing commas and other punctuation between quoted text and their leading/following segments, etc. Either look at a fiction book or look up fiction dialogue punctuation on the net to see how it's done.

EagleCeres · May 16, 2012

ThreadWeaver said:

Yeah... punctuation is and will forever be my Achilles heel; between English being my second language and having studied maths and sciences instead of literary arts, I'm more a fanboy with itchy keyboard fingers than a proper writer... :sweat: (yes, I recognize that is just another excuse for bad grammar

)

Thanks for pointing it out though TW.
I'll look into it, so the dialogues read that much smoother going forward.

As for where this is going:
The initial plan was to set up Kei with a fiancee that he's supposed to marry by age 23~25, as per Ordo's post on the Idea Thread. Although said fiancee was initially as bad as (or worse than) the Hina Girls, enough to have turned off Kei before he met the later femmes...

I thought "why not develop her enough to give her a sporting chance?" (while trying very hard she doesn't become a Mary Sue, 'cause that would be both too easy and a waste of time) and in the meanwhile hoping my attempt to retcon Kei2.0 while keeping the story an interesting read, even more so once it's time to bring it back to the Hinata Inn and all Hell breaks loose.

Feel free to start shooting my attempt at story full of holes, I'm sure it needs quite a bit of polishing.

ThreadWeaver · May 16, 2012

EagleCeres said:

Actually, it sounds like a good idea to me, so I really don't have anything to pick apart as far as plot goes.

You will have to work hard to make sure that the reader can connect with the new Himawari, as opposed to the old one who was set up to be somewhat reviled from the start of the story. She's going to need some character development and some insight to what made her change her tactics from the sexy smothering stalker to the person she needs to be to catch Keitaro, and why she even wants to in the first place when there's so many "better" (if you listen to the early-stage hate-filled ramblings of Motoko and Naru) choices out there.

Although if she arrived at the Sou on the arm of Keitaro, it might look like a warehouse full of tomcats fighting over the one female in the building. That could be fun just for the mental image.

I'll try and find some linkage for the dialogue tips, or write down what I remember, but it'll be later today.

EagleCeres · May 17, 2012

ThreadWeaver said:

Duly noted, I've been trying to sow the seeds of "why she cares so much about him?" and "why would she be a better choice than any/all of the Hinata Honeys?", but they not as thorough plot points to stand out that obviously. :unsure:

That was kinda part of the original plan, but Himawari grew on me :snigger:

I want to give her a sporting chance at winning the ex-ronin's heart, instead of "I'm just that much more awesome than you... what? you actually think you stand a chance against this?" *queue massive hawtness pose/classic ojou-sama haughty laugh, supported in the background by a zaibatsu fueled entourage*

By letting him get to know her better while they are still over there and having him notice there are more dimensions to her, other that the Stalker-Girlfriend with Model-level looks and enough cash to be his sugar-mama for life.

Considering how canon post-america Kei (besides being a Seta-clone) was pretty much what the Hina Girls wanted in a man, still Kei, but having that little something more that finally got to them; as soon as he gets to Hinata Sou, the girls will be willing to pounce (and this time around, they might not take a dive for Naru's sake).

Although the comments I've been expecting the most (yet not getting) are
"Why isn't he still all gaga for Naru?", "what about the other hina girls?"

The quick and dirty answers would be:
- "people change... yes they do, some just lie about it better",
- "being abroad gave him other (positive) experiences with women (not exclusive to Himawari, not disclosed in fic)" and
- "absence makes the heart go yonder... yes it does"

He's not completely out of love with Naru (or any of the other girls as they have their place in his heart), but seeing first hand how other couples work out their issues on the other side of the Pacific ('cause lets face it, HaruxSeta is a horrible example to follow), he will have lost quite a bit of that sappy "love will make it alright... in the end... eventually" mentality and begin to set his sights on having a more fulfilling (read as: more mature and less violent) relationship.

But that's a bit ahead in what I'm still brainstorming and tossing back and forth with Ordo (and/or anyone else willing to read my ranting).

FinalMax · May 17, 2012

Honestly, Kanako's interference at the Sou puts Himawari in too much of a good position. Kanako's canon introduction brought out the worst in most of the girls. Effectively, she was intended as a plot device meant to illustrate why most of the girls wouldn't end up with Keitaro. If Keitaro and Himawari walk into the canon minefield that Kanako set up, she wins practically by default. The competition is already at each others throats, and she wouldn't have to do much of anything to win in that case.

A level playing field needs to be made. Perhaps the girls completely derail Hina's scheming. Hell, there's no guarantee that Haruka is on Hina and Kanako's side. Just a well placed ultimatum that Kanako would foolishly call them up on, and Hina's meddling collapses on itself. Of course, there are risks to that approach. That could drive Keitaro towards Himawari by accident, or perhaps cause him to lash out at his family. The latter might not be as bad considering the crap they put him though, but that might spill over to the girls as well.

EagleCeres · May 17, 2012

FinalMax said:

Very much understandable, I don't want to give the automatic win to Himawari. As commented above, Mary Sue tendeincies = waste of time. If she IS to win Kei's heart, she's gotta notice there is competition for it and fight for it just like the rest of them.

At the moment my plan for Kei's return would mirror the manga, he comes back (alone) a more attractive and desireable man. Taking up his role as Inn/Dorm Manager/Handyman (and finally Alpha Male... well as alpha as Kei will ever be, more like a lower case alpha :snigger

.

Since Kanako is officially out of the running, she's been scoping out and prepping each of the Hina Girls. As mentioned, she's partial to Motoko and Naru (since they actually did somewhat respect her, eventually), but she knows they all have qualities he probably likes in a partner (or he would have either quit or found a way to keep them away from him... he did it in the past with Himawari).

As for the girl's current motivations once Kei settles in:
- Motoko starts wanting more one-on-one sparring (and studying) time with him, hello quasi-romantic samurai novels

.
- Kitsune sees a clubbing and partying buddy, maybe moar?
- Mutsumi still sees her beloved Kei-kun just a little more grown up (momma wants!)
- Kaolla sees a proper Alpha Male and possible future princely material?
- Shinobu... would work the little sister angle (the one Kanako couldn't pull off) and support him until he notices her?
- Naru... what does she want? (no seriously, I have no clue what to do with her)

Himawari would come in weeks later once the Status Quo of the Hinata Inn had been re-established, although the "perverted male" caused trips to Low Earth Orbit have been significantly decreased or reduced to a misunderstandings caused by (a foiled plan or two of) the resident Vixen trying to get some quality time with her drinking buddy.

Once Himawari sees there actually IS a pecking order for Kei's attentions, she'll either try to either bust it up to put herself on top or bring up the engagement/quasi-relationship in America... expect shenanigans to ensue and challenges to be accepted.

Although plans may change depending on response/reactions from readers... (and the Muse still being interested in showing me some love).

ThreadWeaver · May 17, 2012

EagleCeres said:

Ah. I understand now. It's not that you were dropping those messages in there, it's how you did it that lost me.

The problem with how that was presented was that she made those points while doing negative smothering annoying things to Keitaro. So, the message of how nice she is was lost in the "mine! Mine! MINE! MINE!" demanding actions.

As an extreme example, imagine a cute girl holding a knife to your throat with death in her eyes while she whispers in your ears how much she cares for you and how much better she is than the hottie that only made fun of you. Creepy, right?

Alright, the rest of you that just disagreed, go find psych help. But, I digress.

That's how I as a reader felt about Himawari.

At this point, you're thinking, "But, what about the dig?!" And you'd be right. That was a good scene, where she successfully reigned in her impulses for a better goal. Maybe even have her openly learn that actions speak much louder than words.

I like the idea of a character that grows beyond those very things you specified; better than the spoiled rich-girl Kuriko Kazetsubaki that Himawari is based on.

Your later "quick and dirty answers" can be easily worked into the story. You don't have to have a whole chapter devoted to their exposition. It could be just a few sentences between characters, even said accidentally or in passing that would allude to them which would give the reader that peace of mind that those little plot bunnies won't be gnawing at their heels anymore.

For the dialogue tips, start here:
<a href='http://fictionwriting.about.com/od/crafttechnique/tp/dialogue.htm' target='_blank' rel='nofollow'>http://fictionwriting.about.com/od/craftte...tp/dialogue.htm</a>
Number 8 is pertinent to your punctuation problem.

EagleCeres · May 17, 2012

ThreadWeaver said:

You just described Yuno Gasai... and many a fanboy will agree

Delicious Yandere Ladies are Delicious... :wub:
that is, as long as you don't piss them off, unless you ARE into hyper possessive kind that excel at knife cuddling fun times :snigger:

I promise, Himawari isn't one of those. As you picked up by the Kuriko Kazetsubaki root persona, she's more selfish-bitchy than obsessive-insecure; and no bipolar-homicidal tendencies here... although maybe there is a little wanting to rule the (financial) world :rofl:

Actually this really hit the nail with some of the dialogues I was thinking for later on, a few scenes of girl talk away from Kei, possibly trying to step up to the new challenger.

Ordo · May 18, 2012

EagleCeres said:

ThreadWeaver said:

B...but think of how happy she'll be when you hug her close and confess your undying love!

Kaede from Shuffle was kind of a sweet version...she just tried to seduce her man by walking in on him Naked. It's a testment o his character that he resisted.

....and so it begins.

Naru was the first girl, in the manga to help Keitaro, mainly because of his willingness to work hard for his dream, one with which she sympathized. As time wore on she seems to have been happy with Keitaro being her 'Unofficial' man. As long as he stayed focused on her or her studies things went well enough, but if another girl entered the picture...things got problematic. Yet, though she wants Keitaro to remain true to her, she has trouble sticking her heart out for him until much later. Notice during the Burn-up blade arch how jealouse she got of Keitaro helping Motoko. Sure the whole 'getting marred thing' threw her for a loop but she reacted badly.

I could be wrong, but she craves his love, and wants the other girls to just kind of give up on him and leave him to her so she won't have to face the possibility of losing him even if she tried her best.

I could be wrong.

ThreadWeaver · May 19, 2012

Ordo said:

She secretly craves it both his love and attention, but she wants the reward of having/owning him without taking any of the risk of having her heart broken. Actually, that's pretty much been most females forever. I've noticed recently more are starting to do the asking out, but when I was in college and before, women almost never asked a guy out. It was always the guy that had to face rejection. It's still that way when it comes to marriages.

So yes, Naru's a spoiled, scared little girl in a voluptuous package with rage and anger issues.

Do with her what you will. From my perspective, with Himawari's figure it's going to make Naru so insecure the first time they're in the bath it would be fun to watch her shake and twitch like a nervous dog.

God help Keitaro if he walks in on that bath. Motoko may not care because she'd be so distracted wondering how breasts Himawari's size could actually exist and not be sagging to her ankles; Shinobu will go "auuuu!" but will probably discreetly preen herself hoping her sempai will still notice her even though the blonde bombshell's breasts are so large they're creating a gravity field; Kitsune's hands will probably twitch uncontrollably as she fights off the urge to grope Himawari with her (most likely) armed assistants nearby; Suu will wonder if they're tasty, obviously, and Himawari might even give her a chance to find out (Aw, she's so Cute! Come here and let me hug you! *stuffs Suu's face in cleavage*); Mutsumi will take one look at the watermelons she brought, then herself, then at Himawari, and promptly declare her "Master".

Ordo · May 19, 2012

ThreadWeaver said:

Ah yes...like that time in the Manga when the other Hina girls started taking their looks more seriously after Keitaro became so focused that he became 'cool'. Naru began to consider all her physical faults as Motoko, Kaolla and Kitsune took just that much extra time making themselves pretty.

EagleCeres · May 29, 2012

Here's a bit of the start for Chapter 3...
As always... comments, critiques and flames welcome
<hr>A Plight of Fancy

Chap. 3 - All The Right Moves

If there was one thing Keitaro Urashima has learned about himself throughout his life, is that his desire to help the people around him had gotten him into interesting situations. Visiting islands in the South Pacific and trips across Japan had become par for the course, although these experiences would have never really prepared him to bury the hatchet with his long time... acquaintance.

'Stay cool Kei... she just wants to be friends again, and we're good with keeping friends... right?' this thought had ran through his mind multiple times throughout the day. Ever since she appeared at the dig, he couldn't help but doubt her intentions, and still after she proved she wasn't going to glomp him or act like they were an item in such a public setting.

Carrying a couple of burgers, he steeled himself as he walked over to the reason most of the guys at his frat house teased him. 'Although, she has been pretty quiet today... I would have expected her to be showing off in some sexy swimsuit by now... No! Bad Kei!'

A few feet away, under a beach umbrella and sitting on a simple beach towel was Himawari. Taking a while to appraise her looks, he noticed that unlike most of the other young women, splashing around the shallow waves in a form fitting one or two piece swimsuit; she had instead swapped her pith hat for stylish sunglasses and ditched her boots so as to dig her bare feet in the sand, calmly enjoying the sounds of the beach by herself.

Taking a deep breath and gathering a little courage, he walked up to her with a bit of flourish and presented her with the humble meal he had prepared. "One Sunshine Special... medium well burger, pickles, lettuce, light on the onions on a sesame seed bun."

"You remembered... to hold the tomato?" he caught the surprised look behind her sunglasses which was followed by an earnest smile, making him think this was all worth the little show he had put up for her.

"Unless Lady Sumire finally got you to finish up your veggies" he laughed back munching on his burger.

"Grandmother still holds me to that expectation when we dine together..." she pouted cutely before proceeding to nibble at her lunch. "Hina-sama never got angry about me making you eat my veggies."

"Well, someone had to eat them..." he winked back playfully in between bites, then switching to a teasing smile. "Or we BOTH would have gotten scolded for being fussy eaters back then."

"My hero, the Vegetable Vanquisher!" she replied playfully earning his laugh, but then her face was adorned with a sad smile. "Was I really that bad? To drive you away like I did?"

"We weren't a real couple, Himawari." looking to the beach remembering their childish misadventures. "I didn't mind you chasing me around and pretending I was your FiancÚ... but I knew you really didn't see me that way."

"Yes I did!" she put her food down and angrily demanded his attention. "You were MY FiancÚ Keitaro!"

"I was your friend, Himawari. I never asked you to be my fiancÚe..." turning to face her, he looked into her eyes "that wasn't fair to me, or to yourself."

An uncomfortable silence hung between them, letting them return to their unfinished meals. The young lady looked more thoughtful, stopping herself multiple times, reformulating her response to his last comment every time.

"I... didn't want to lose my best friend." 'my only friend' her eyes covered by her hair as she hung her head in shame while admitting to herself her real reasons "but I still scared you away, didn't I?"

"A little, but I know you didn't really mean to." Their 'break up' years ago came to mind, now felt like a lifetime ago "Remember what I told Lady Sumire about the engagement."

"That I deserved someone better... someone great that could go to TouDai." the bittersweet memory made her smile, having taken a positive meaning to his reasoning back then, she had believed he had done it for her.

"That... that was an excuse" he admitted and before she could comment he added "and I apologize for hurting your feelings."

"You don't have to apologize Keitaro, youà you had a good reason to address our relationship the way you did." Her memories gained another component, by absolving her of past misdeeds and admitting his reason wasn't all that noble. "Although you still made good on your word, you entered TouDai; at least that dream came true."

"Actually, it wasn't really a dream of mine..." gulping nervously as he decided to share a little more of his motivations "I ahà made a promiseà with someone."

"How could you! You made a promise with someone else, behind your fiancÚe's back?" she lightly beat on his shoulder playfully; her voice had a tinge of mock anger.

"No no... This was before we met." Replying bashfully as he scratched the back of his head.

"Oh!" any anger, playful or real on her part, was immediately replaced with curiosity "did that person ever find out; that you made good on the promise?"

"I'm not sure, we never met up again." He wasn't quite sure if that response was a lie or not; neither Naru nor Mutsumi were ever able to fully convince him either of them was his promise girl.

"Well, whoever that person is... they're missing out on a great friend."

"Yeah" smiling at her, he extended his hand in a gesture of peace "friends?"

"Friends!" she shook his hand formally, then moments later latched onto his arm and drew circles on his chest with a fingertip , while shamelessly asking "Are you suuuuuure you don't want a beautiful, rich and sexy girlfriend like me?"

"'Mawari..." he frowned lightly at her half-joke. 'definetly worse than Kitsune... sometimes.'

"Kidding!" she grinned not unlike a certain vixen he knew back home 'at least he didn't flat out say No.'

Shaking his head and sighing he couldn't help but smile. "You really love to make this hard for me, huh?"

"Can't blame a girl for trying, Sunshine." she winked back at him.

Feeling a little bold, he looked up to her in a slightly formal tone "You knowà I WOULD take you up on the offer" he waiting patiently until her face showed a shocked expression, then he dropped the bomb on her "but the semester will be over in a few months, and I'll have to head back home to Japan"

"Tease! Meanie!" she leaned into him and grabbed onto his arm, enjoying his comforting presence.

"It's about time I get back at you." He rasp-berried back at her, only to share a long laugh afterwards. Being honest with himself, he truly never did mind her attentions one bit. What warm blooded male would; knowing they would eventually be separated again due to their responsibilities, he made a decision. "Look... I won't promise anything... and you're not obligated to accept but, how about we go out?"

"Excuse me?" she looked at him as if he had grown a second head, never had she expected HIM to drop a bombshell like this.

"You, Me, go out, attend events together, catch a game, go to amusement parks, go bar hopping..." then making sure she wouldn't misunderstand, he added "just two friends making up for lost time."

"I... I'd like that." A radiant smile coming to her lips, as a previously half discarded plan decided to fall into place without her even trying. "Funny thing you should mention that, Keitaro..."

ThreadWeaver · May 29, 2012

Interesting... I got nothing for recommendations, and it seems like a plausible setup so far.

Good work.

I look forward to more.

EagleCeres · Jun 24, 2012

Been suffering to get more words onto this story lately, so here's a few of my excuses: the Muse has been ignoring me so I've been emo, I played too much FFXI and tried out Tera for about a week (very pretty! and Castanic/High Elf w?nches are hawt!) and after listening to the better part of 2 days of music, the Muse decided to make with the inspiration.

I need to wrap up this chapter and start making headway into going back to Japan, the Hina Girls reaction to what I consider "Kei Advanced" (not Seta2.0). And yes, is that a hawt heiress in the horizon?

As always, my apologies for the elipsis (...) abuse and the humble request to shoot it full of holes!
<hr>
"I should have just kept my mouth shut." commented the young man as he looked at himself in a full length mirror, his smart reflection in the mirror mimicked his fidgeting motions.

"Is everything alright, Keitaro-sama?" came a reply from a young lady in a form fitted suit checking last minute alterations to the young man's attire. "If needed be, we can call back the tailor to redo the pants if they are too tight".

"No, no... everything is okay, Stella-san," he responded with a slightly nervous tone to the steward of the Kanzaki heiress. "Just thinking out loud," he added with a chuckle.

The female butler only nodded in response as she continued to take care of other last minute details for the event the mistress who employed her and her chosen companion would be attending this evening.

Going through his memories of his talk with Himawari earlier that same day, Keitaro felt he may have rushed to volunteer himself in escorting his newly re-instated friend that evening to a black tie event, which her father had insisted her attendance was mandatory.

Keitaro smiled as he fiddled with a tie that just wouldn't stay properly in place. "I apologize for having you arrange this get up for me on such short notice."

"That's quite alright, Keitaro-sama... Ojou-sama often has more complicated last minute requests." looking back to him, she noticed his crooked neck piece and barely stifled a giggle.

"I told you, you don't need to use -sama when addressing me, Stella-san" he answered back with a mock serious tone.

"Nonsense Keitaro-sama, besides" walking over to the young archaeologist and fixing his tie for him with a placid smile "that courtesy is reserved for Himawari-sama, now that she's back on your good graces."

"While I do admit that we did have a falling out..." he paused to find the right words to explain to himself why he got himself into this not uncomfortable situation "I guess we both needed some time away from each other, and grow up."

Stella nodded, remembering when her charge was younger and even more impulsive "That might be a reason... then again, people do say that absence makes the heart grow fonder" but could not resist and tease the young man that had never gone away from her mistress' heart.

'Or go yonder' Keitaro added mentally, momentarily getting the feeling that he was ignoring something, or someone.

"Anyhow, I'm glad for Ojou-sama that she will be escorted by a very dashing gentleman tonight, Keitaro-sama" as she placed what appeared to be a small retractable baton onto his hands.

"Huh?" Keitaro responded as he felt the item. "What's this?"

"Something extra I thought you might need if things get rough." pointing out how to deploy and retract the tool. "Ojou-sama and a group of her peers often escape these events past midnight and head out to local bars and pubs, regretfully they tend to attract some... unsavory characters once in a while."

"Ahh... gotcha" feeling a little prouder in himself as the steward had charged him with protecting his friend, in case of emergency.

"Feel free to whack any annoying wannabe suitor that gets too close to her also." She offered a playful if feral grin toward him "God knows how much Ojou-sama hates when they get a little too fresh with her."

"Wait... suitors?" he was keenly aware of other guys interested in and hitting on Himawari, weeks ago one of his smoother Frat-brothers had once tried one of his best pick up lines at a school function they had attended; said Frat-brother's "hook up" streak crashed and burned when she flat out ignored him to proceed and glomp onto Keitaro, regaling her prey with her own brand of Public Display of Affection.

"Did you think a beautiful maiden of her social stature had not piqued the interests of other families... or their unwed males?" she directed a serious if formal glance at him, he could almost see a plea in her eyes.

"So... are you asking me to be more than a friend-slash-bodyguard to her?" he returned the serious look.

"It's not my place to ask you to make that decision," she shifted uncomfortably "but as a her personal steward, I would be greatly relieved if you would... defend her honor."

"Don't worry Stella-san" He sighed in relief, finally understanding her words and remembering his earlier concession to Himawari, then sharing a knowing smile. "I've been told many times I'm the type of guy that goes out on a limb for his friends."

"Thank you Keitaro-sa..." she was interrupted by the room's phone ringing, then her charge's frantic voice on the speakerphone.

"Steeeeelllaaaaa! heeeeelp! I can't find my lucky eeeeearriiiiings!"

"Go ahead and take care of that delicate flower, Stella-san" he chuckled at his friend's best spoiled brat tone on the phone "she seems to need the help more than I do right now."

The young steward looked to the young archaologist and offered a formal and thankful bow before heading off to attend the young heiress' needs.

'I really, REALLY need to learn to keep my mouth shut!'

ThreadWeaver · Jun 26, 2012

I like the snippet, but you really have to work on your dialogue linking. The punctuation is all messed up in there.

Like this:

should be:

"I should have just kept my mouth shut," commented the young man as he looked at himself in a full length mirror, his smartly reflection in the mirror mimicked his fidgeting motions.

If you want to linking phrases like "he said" or "commented" or whatever, then the dialogue has to end in a comma and then use the descriptive text. The period at the end of the descriptive text also implies an end to that dialogue stream.

Put a period after "attire". The question mark is correct in the dialogue as the speaker is asking the question, not the author.

Should be:

"No, no... everything is okay, Stella-san," he responded with a slightly nervous tone to the steward of the Kanzaki heiress. "Just thinking out loud," he added with a chuckle.

Comma after Stella-san, and period after heiress. Putting "he he" (onomatopoeia-or words that define a sound) as part of the actual dialogue can make the writing seem... immature... if not done very carefully, so I've learned to avoid it if at all possible.

This is awkward. There's no actual linking verb. You can smile without talking or answering. Maybe this?

Keitaro smiled as he fiddled with a tie that just wouldn't stay properly in place. "I apologize for having you arrange this get up for me on such short notice."

You get the picture, but if you want me to full edit the segment I can. It'll just take a while and may not appear like your old segments in form, but will in function.

Akamatsuverse A Plight of Fancy

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Beware of Dog. Cat not trustworthy either.

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Beware of Dog. Cat not trustworthy either.

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Beware of Dog. Cat not trustworthy either.

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Beware of Dog. Cat not trustworthy either.

Well-Known Member

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Beware of Dog. Cat not trustworthy either.

Well-Known Member

Beware of Dog. Cat not trustworthy either.