After the end... [Iron Fic 5.2]

biigoh

Well-Known Member
#1
The television flickered on and off, static danced across the screen like snow across a desolate wasteland.

Now and then, a picture came on before fading away. A spoken word could be heard in the random electronic noise. Echoes of never was, could have been, and always is.

It sat behind broken glass window, jagged and sharp, painted a lewd and dark red. Its companions fallen, but not it. It drank in the electromagnetic transmission.

Images, each worth a thousand words, lost in time and space. A flicker of light extinguished in the darkness of the night.

With the coming of day, the madness that had been the cause of the shattered window no longer was. Or rather... it no longer was there. It had abetted for a whilst as such things did.

A riot of emotions and madness, an endless carnival where the mad danced and shed their forms. Where humanity was lost, so swift, as they reveled in the words given to them. Words written upon paper, words transcribed and given to actors to play their part and be watched from coast to coast, from north to south.

And from the words, madness flowed as wine from a chalice held high above the world. As minds came to a realization, so too did their bodies change. As within, so without.

And the dance of joy, of madness, as those who had been liberated from the annals of reason and the mysticism of logic, continued beneath the earth. To boil forth in the night beneath the stars that gazed uncaringly down the world as they performed their own intricate dance in their dance floor, that which mortal man called the heavens.

In the shadows, where humanity was already a myth in the here and now and not ten years down as a man driven to wisdom by madness once whispered within the sanctuary that he had been ensconced. Most snug.

Fire guttered out with dawn, blood dried... and that wise man walked the silent and empty streets, past the flickering television, the static cleared for a moment to sing its siren song of a movie that had just come out; In the Mouth of Madness.

- - -
After the end...
Have some "In the Mouth of Madness" by John Carpenter fanfic
Time Started : 1:10
Time Ended : 1:45

Because apparently Haiku and assorted poetry are not valid as entries if one is to go by what someone said on IRC...
 

Watashiwa

Administrator
Staff member
#2
Writing Proficiency: 14/20. Some malapropers, mixing up of when/where, awkward phrasing, one missing word (Echoes of [what] never was).
Theme: 5/20 Unless you're familiar with the movie, there's nothing here to indicate the societal collapse was caused by riots. And if you ARE familiar with it, you know that it was caused by Lovecraftian monsters.
Source: 5/20 Short of the title drop at the very end there's no trace of the original. Worse yet, after reading this story I have no desire to see the movie again.
Story: 8/20 ...There might be a story here but I have no idea what I'm supposed to be feeling about it.
Other: 5/20 Jesus Christ man, even if you whipped it up in half an hour you could have given it a point.
Total: 37
 
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