The improvements to the description were good. I suggest further improvement on the description of the bar scene, maybe extend it a bit with more conversation. Are people smoking in there? Does laughter sometimes blare over the sound of the radio? What's Kitsune wearing? Is she dressed up, or dressed down? We've seen both, with her. Is it hot in the bar and cold and damp outside as they walk home, from the river flowing by? Do any of the town council nod at them as they pass in the night? It might be a nice touch for Keitaro to stare drunkenly at the playground and ask "I wonder who my Promise Girl is?" before staggering on into the night. Chilly at the bottom of the stairs, sweating at the top but more clear headed for the effort. Those are my suggestions at this point. Keep up the good work.
Oh yeah, the words are "relax, go to it, when you wanna do it" though her getting the song wrong is amusing too. She is Japanese after all, and probably doesn't understand English.
Oh yeah, the words are "relax, go to it, when you wanna do it" though her getting the song wrong is amusing too. She is Japanese after all, and probably doesn't understand English.